Did you or your spouse have an affair? Take our FREE QUIZ to find out what to do next. Free Affair Quiz Link: marriagehelper.com/affair-test-evaluation/?aud=yt&kya=2&aqp=infqz

@xxgil2

3 жыл бұрын

Any relationship whether in or out of the marriage takes work. The person you ultimately choose will be thoroughly imperfect; probably more imperfect than your second choice. If you are aware of this you will probably make it work but both parties need to be on the same page. I think these videos fail to address the taboo subject of how to make a new relationships work when a person leaves the marriage. They automatically labeled them as “doomed” to satisfy the masses and to dissuade those thinking about it. My advice is to not jump from one person to another. Give yourself time away from both persons and you will see where your heart truly is. Otherwise you will end up like this guy pathetically crawling back to his old wife.

@tonytorrisi

3 жыл бұрын

@@xxgil2 100% agree! And well said. 👏👏

@pamelad757

3 жыл бұрын

Gil are you madly in love with someone?

@deborahrouse5644

Жыл бұрын

@@xxgil2 "Old" wife?? Nice 😡

@xxgil2

Жыл бұрын

@@deborahrouse5644 “old” as in “previous” but probably a hag judging by his looks….

I went through Limerance. I can't say there is anything positive about it except if you needed that to start a lengthy, enraging and painful path to self discovery.

@deborahlee6240

5 жыл бұрын

It is very much the beginning of self discovery, issues within a person that needs to be looked at.

@ylsflv

5 жыл бұрын

this is written so beautifully, thank u, I couldn't relate more

@adaytripp

4 жыл бұрын

Amen ! God used it so I could find my self worth

@Maryladudek

4 жыл бұрын

This is how I wanted to feel a few months ago when I started seeing the signs on the wall. My ex husband showed a lot of disinterest in the relationship and I was really going to let them go if the wanted. unfortunately I was too curious to know what really happened and if there was something that could be fix in there. He was a gentleman and I trusted but he showed strong signs of infidelity and it made uncertain unwanted most of the time, i wanted to know. My friend told me it was possibe to find out everything without risks through phone spying. she introduced me to a guy " Binaryreap3r @ gmial com " who helped me spy on my ex's phone until I found out he was having a same-sex affair all along. I still let him go but I did that knowing I did nothing wrong.

@orangejustice3536

4 жыл бұрын

@@Maryladudek I'm so sorry. hope you are ok now.

This is a heartbreaking reality check

@epicnicknameepiclastnickna9634

3 жыл бұрын

But it needs to be done

@bryantsmith5407

3 жыл бұрын

Indeed

@tapiwambaiwa5815

3 жыл бұрын

Eye opening stuff😭😭😭

@nemophilist_one

2 жыл бұрын

🤣

The root of this seems insecurity, instability, and fear of abandonment. Also there is a projection onto the other person. It’s almost like a fantasy world that is desperate for coming into reality. It’s just intense infatuation.

@Thematureexoticallady

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed. Underpinning all this is someone or two people with insecure attachment disorders. Securely attached individuals would not put themselves through this because they develop the skills to self sooth from lifes ups and downs 🙏🏼

@adaytripp

4 жыл бұрын

So intense and toxic..codependent and mine was a narc

@whyme6214

4 жыл бұрын

Please understand that as hard as it is to believe, It can happen to anyone. The healthiest of minds can and may fall victim to limerence. Look at the person discussing the subject. He has a PhD in psychology and he was victim of it.

@jeaniemaree

4 жыл бұрын

why me yes absolutely, it can happen to anyone

@petecham4917

3 жыл бұрын

That’s not necessarily true in every case. I’ve experienced limerence and it was because I thought I had met my soulmate but the person didn’t reciprocate the love that I felt for them. It was devastating when they didn’t turn out to be who I thought they were!

Anyone who has this and can relate to me knows it can be the worst possible curse inflicted upon you

@tenzinkunkhen7563

5 жыл бұрын

Exactly, everything he said was true. I love her so much, I didn't knew she was just having LIMERENCE

@CameroneProductions

5 жыл бұрын

I miss my wife so much. I doubt I'll ever fully recover. 💔😔 May Peace Be With You 🙏

@thedriza297

5 жыл бұрын

@@CameroneProductions condolences...bless you

@CameroneProductions

5 жыл бұрын

the Driza - Thankyou 🙏💙

@kimjd2

5 жыл бұрын

Painful to watch my husband go through this....😕

Limerance is one of the most agonizing horrible things I think I've ever experienced it literally rips your goals and motivations from your life and replaces them with an obsession with someone you can't be with keep in mind it really is something you have no control over what's even worse is seeing the lo completely fine like nothing is even happening

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

How are you doing now?

@59spadesofalife52

15 күн бұрын

@@samia6888 I don’t have it anymore and things got so much better since than this was years ago I think I was just going through a bad heartbreak at the time and it was really hard.

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

@@59spadesofalife52 I'm glad you got through it I know it wasn't easy

I’m in such denial that I really don’t want to believe this video

@JacquelineduPlessis

3 жыл бұрын

It's normal to feel that way.

@funnyturningredreuplod5963

3 жыл бұрын

believe it

@elizabethtaylor8603

3 жыл бұрын

Believe it

@samt8592

2 жыл бұрын

sameeee

@riyamukherjee7061

9 күн бұрын

Same Here

My husband recently left me for his Limerent affair. I worked for over a year to convince him that our family, our life, our future, our love and friendship were worth fighting for. Everything described in this video is spot on. My husband literally thought he would die if he couldn't be with this woman, he vilified me, he will not listen to any of our family and friends who have told him he is making a huge mistake. He walked away from a beautiful life, our children, his friends and family, a beautiful future, and all that we had built in our marriage. We truly were each other's best friend. When she came along, she convinced him that our 25 year marriage and 35 year relationship was "stagnant" and that there was nothing more beautiful than a "fresh start." They were very clearly limerent for each other. She would stalk him, walking up and down our street just so he would see her when he came home. He lives with her now and our divorce is in progress. Someday, I know he will see the devastation that his has caused. It truly is a very high cost. Sadly, it is a cost that I have to pay along with all our family and friends. He has ruined everything with his decision to walk away and as this video concludes, this phase will not last.

@audrydf2585

3 жыл бұрын

Shana Heisler i know o f a great man who h e l p me bring my husband b back

@audrydf2585

3 жыл бұрын

+2 3 4 8 1 6 0 3 6 6 9 4 9

@audrydf2585

3 жыл бұрын

Text h i m on what's Appi

@rrurban

Жыл бұрын

Oh honey I’m so sorry! You are a freakin’ rockstar strong, loyal woman. God will bless you big time

@asoverall6470

Жыл бұрын

Any update?

My wife always love those romantic books like twilight. After 11 years of marriage and 2 toddlers, she cheated and wants to separate. We’re gonna separate but not legally since me and the kids need those military benefits. I have more hope now that I found about this thing called limerence that she’ll snap outta it. I’m not going to chase her, I’m gonna focus on me, be better and be the best for my kids. Thank you.

@deborahlee6240

5 жыл бұрын

She's most likely in a mid life crisis and your right to back off and live the best life you can, work on yourself because we all need self reflection.

@titoaraos1662

5 жыл бұрын

I'm also ex-military going through the same crap. I find that Tony Robbins and other motivational speakers on KZread help, I started reading more going to church exercising and I'm also hoping I can salvage my marriage good luck.

@ltconyers78

5 жыл бұрын

My husband is military and left me for a young woman who was also military. I was devastated because not only did he leave, but, he made me look like the devil to everyone in his circle and family. Even those people at his job. No one was willing to help me. I was a stay-at-home wife and we had a one year old and I lived hours away from family and friends. I ended up moving out of the brand new house we had just purchased and back in with my parents. I was miserable because I didn't get the emotional support that I thought I would from family and friends. Their attitude was cheating and divorces happen everyday; just get over it and move on. I got no financial support from my husband, either. He and this person were living it up on money that should have been for our daughter. And to add insult to injury, the female would post horrible things about me and my family on social media and even called me to rub in the relationship she had with my husband. I was spent and depressed. But, I snapped out of it about a month after I found out about everything. I found a job, started exercising, and even joined a different branch of the military. I stopped focusing on what they were doing and focused on myself and my daughter. About a year later, I contact him about finishing divorce papers and he ends up apologizing for everything he had done in that phone conversation and asking me to take him back. It wasn't immediate, but, we eventually reconciled. So, Dr. Joe is right. It's not the easiest road to travel, but, if the spouse is genuine in wanting to work things out, it can become a better marriage. If you haven't already, watch the Marriage Helper videos, How To Bring Your Husband Back (which applies to wives, too) and My Spouse Had An Affair. They really helped me understand things better. Stay encouraged and focus on you and the kids.

@ChrisBanda

5 жыл бұрын

@@ltconyers78 your words give me some measure of hope in what feels like easily the darkest time of my adult life. Hope that I will be whole again.

@ltconyers78

5 жыл бұрын

@@ChrisBanda Keep the faith. Just know that, right now, taking care of you is key. It's easy to slip into a state of depression and continuously focus on them and what they are doing, but try to avoid that by keeping yourself busy. Find a new hobby or revisit an old one. Take a class, exercise, etc. Just do something that holds your interest. And if reconciliation does occur, know that it will take a whole lot of patience on both you and your partner's part. That old feeling won't happen over night, and, to be honest, may not ever happen. You are kind of rebuilding your relationship from the ground up. Everything will be new. They will have issues that only a professional can help them with and you as well. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to seek professional help now whether it's through Marriage Helpers or some other counselor. Just make sure they are well versed in dealing with infidelity. Not all counselors are. You need an outlet right now, though. Focus on you. What do you like to do? Where might you want to go? Take a road trip or buy a ticket and jump on a plane to a place you have never been. For me, it was Texas. I have a love for Texas now that I didn't before. That also where I ended up going to boot camp... But still love it.😄

Love evolves and changes , I was married for 47 years before he died , I realised as we aged that we were very best friends and that was love. Love is looking after your husband when he's got dementia and basically left me. But that Love is still inside you, I did miss the physical side of love , but that companionship is missed more than you can bear

@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry

8 ай бұрын

Bless you. I saw that in my Dad as my Mum deteriorated with vascular dementia. She eventually passed of kidney failure in 2019. He went to see her every day of the two months she was in hospital. And he'll be 98 next month. Still takes a taxi on his own to his appointments. I wish you well.

Where were you guys 25 years ago when limmerance caused me to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my family for someone I was “madly” in love with? This is great work. Thank you for doing these videos.

@elikorn7418

2 жыл бұрын

What happened? How long did the limerence last? I'm on an educational path :)

@martinestrada7736

11 ай бұрын

We are married 40 years . I was thinking retire travel chill get ready to help community. While I stepped away to care for dad and help him at his passing husband got involved with his employee. He thinks she like very honest and decent and will put her hands in fire for him. I turned to faith and connecting with our God. Well. Our daughter showed him her poses on instagram promoting herself w A lot of followers. He is wise so he is fighting it. God is working so fast that he is walking close to faith and freeing himself from the blindfold..FIGHT WITH FAITH BE RIGHTEOUS AND GOD WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH TO ENDURE THE OUCOME!

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

@@elikorn7418 did your limerence resolve?

@elikorn7418

15 күн бұрын

@@samia6888 Ha ha soo funny; I AM the limerent object 😉

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

@@elikorn7418 oh no take care of yourself and set firm boundaries.

Our society validates and encourages this kind of intensity in films and media in general. Many people come from dysfunctional families and have no idea what "normative" love even looks like. Isn't being "in love" in itself a kind of madness? If someone who has studied all the kinds of love and knew what limerence is was able to fall under its sway, how do the rest of us avoid that?

@kerrymillar1267

9 ай бұрын

He didn’t know what it was at the time. It was the catalyst for him studying this.

This video exactly describes what my wife is going through right now. She left me for someone she just met two months ago and are planning to get married. She changed so quickly I barely knew her anymore. She threw 24 yrs of marriage for a promise made by this guy to buy her a house, a car and trip to Europe. That's all it took. I let her go. I can't match that offer. I'm closing my door on her and will be focusing on our two daughters. I sure would like to see how their relationship ends up when the initial thrill and excitement has faded.

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

How is it going now?

Limerent love starts to decline when you start to see the other person's faults which is inevitable as you live closely with each other. Have you seen her sitting on the toilet bowl, for instance? Or have you seen him cleaning his nose with his pinky? Did you see the name of her ex tattooed on her buttocks? Did you have a sleepless night because his snore could be heard a block away? All of these faults come into view as you develop closeness. Your prince becomes a toad, and your princess becomes a hag.

@celina1525

3 жыл бұрын

Just wanted to applaud you on this amazing comment, best I’ve ever seen as a description of reality

@rodab3546

2 жыл бұрын

haha

@kulaskagascas6820

2 жыл бұрын

@Naukri chahiye Modi ji muje That is not limerence anymore. It could be the real thing already.

@Cyclon32289

2 жыл бұрын

This is coping. Everyone would have those things. Nobody is perfect.

@cristina7317

Жыл бұрын

Limerence is idealizing, fairytale. True love is real life.

I believe I'm in limerence, and it's comforting to hear that it's not permanent.

@arizonacolour8793

4 жыл бұрын

Why do you say this?

@the1337fleet

4 жыл бұрын

@@arizonacolour8793 because it means my suffering will eventually come to an end

@laura2372

4 жыл бұрын

@@the1337fleet The suffering does end. I'm coming out of limerence right now and I feel sooo foolish. My sense of reality kicked in and I realized this isn't a good way to live and I deserve better. All the time I've wasted ticks me off because I finally realized how futile my love for him is/was. There's no way he can realistically be mine and I know now I don't want to be his as I have MANY flaws on many levels and I don't wish to burden him. He lives a charmed life and I don't wish to jeopardize that for him. I love him enough to leave him be. Even though I will always love and care for him--he belongs to another, I get that now. She is better for him more than I could ever be. It's time to release.... 💔

@R3VIV3YOU

3 жыл бұрын

Go after what your heart desires. You only live once

@laura2372

3 жыл бұрын

@@R3VIV3YOU Oh how I wish I could and if he didn't have a gorgeous wife and sweet kiddies, I would! I know we only live once but I'll have to live without him. He's too good for me anyways. His life is perfect and so are his kids and wife-I can't compare to that. Thanks for the encouragement, though, your very sweet!

Limerence is absolutely real. I watched my wife go through it. It broke my heart watching her turn into a different person. Dr. Beam is on point! I promise you your spouse will be back one day!! Trust me! I didn't believe it myself. Be patient and work on yourself. Pull them back...if that's what you want - you've got this.

@bassiegola

3 жыл бұрын

I am not sure if I want him to come back. He destroyed me.

@kristyb831

3 жыл бұрын

How long did it take your wife before she came home?

@terrysteward

3 жыл бұрын

How long did it take Robert ?

@reyr.7439

3 жыл бұрын

@@bassiegola I feel the same way. I miss him a lot, but I don't think I want him back anymore.

@sandrahints5723

2 жыл бұрын

How did you feel about this and how did you get to trust her again?

Limerence is basically being addicted to a person. Period. I speak from experience. Also, limerence CAN last a lifetime, if it’s unreciprocated, which actually is most of the time because unreciprocated limerence is more common than the reciprocated one. And a lot more serious, since you’re addicted to someone you can’t be with.

@dkgnew

5 жыл бұрын

so true!! I have the SCARS!!!

@staytoxic6238

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. So I have a chance to get my wife back who thinks she is in love with another man?

@kennethdefreitas6845

5 жыл бұрын

I’m in misery I’m sick you’re describing my situation exactly

@volleyballjerry

5 жыл бұрын

Amen, Simone!

@volleyballjerry

5 жыл бұрын

Stay Toxic - Not necessarily. She needs a LOT of fixing. Even if she DID change her mind and come back, do you really want to take all that on?

i'm so glad there's someone talking about these issues, it feels like limerence is its own epidemic. i believe that when you feel this limerence toward someone they usually represent a part of yourself or your past that you haven't accepted.

@aellis8899

3 жыл бұрын

Have you been watching Teal Swan? ☺️

@laura2372

3 жыл бұрын

Hi Caitlin! I'm in limerence as well and have been in it for almost a year now. Please explain what you mean by your comment? Thanks for the clarification!

@dotdot4895

3 жыл бұрын

gypsy certainly! I’ve conquered the limerence feelings now and can quickly shake them off. If you’re feeling limerence it’s usually because you’ve had some kind of attachment trauma in your childhood that you’re trying to resolve via another person. In my case, my father is narcissistic and emotionally unavailable. So I tend to become obsessed with men who also have those traits and want to ‘win’ their affection to prove I’m loveable. I felt this attraction to other people even though I’m currently in a really loving wholesome relationship. I would always try to sabotage that good relationship because it just didn’t feel ‘right’. (If you’re in this situation google ROCD). The problem was that I felt inherently unloveable and so couldn’t actually accept love when I had it, I always felt like I had to chase it. The solution is to consciously understand this and choose to believe you are inherently loveable and consciously choose loving relationships. You should also search on KZread for ‘Teal Swan - Attraction (why you are attracted to the people you’re attracted to)’. Actually, any videos by her lol, she’s improved my life vastly.

@laura2372

3 жыл бұрын

@@dotdot4895 What you say makes a lot of sense and I will follow it for sure! Thanks for the info on Teal Swan-I will do some research and hope to heal myself. I have felt unloved as a child and now unwanted as a woman so I'm attracted to a certain type of male as well. I have limerence for a certain man and I know nothing will come of it so I'm trying to ween myself off of him. I know this is not healthy so I am searching for all the advice I can. Thanks again for your time and I pray your life continues on a positive path!

@dotdot4895

3 жыл бұрын

gypsy I’m excited for you! It’s already very loving of yourself to be looking for the answers, you’re on the right track. I wish you the best too.

I experienced this in my life and almost lost my marriage of 27 years. Dr Joe is dead on in his description and effects of limerence in your life, I could no longer function and became someone that I did not know. Good news is my wife and I reconciled 8 months ago and with the support of our family & faith have made great strides in our marriage.

@MarriageHelper

5 жыл бұрын

We are so glad to hear your about your success!

@Mollybad

5 жыл бұрын

My guess is that you were going through a midlife crisis. Been there; lost my man to it. Hoping he's simply in limerence.

@andremarais2706

5 жыл бұрын

Your wife is an idiot.

@susu7683

4 жыл бұрын

Lp

@Wil_87

4 жыл бұрын

@@andremarais2706 why?

Sounds like there's a craving or a validation of being accepted or loved by the other.

@ReddFlameFilms

3 жыл бұрын

We are

This video may save my life. I can't stress how important it is I've found this right at this moment.

@cristina1008

2 жыл бұрын

Ditto! For me too, great timing & possible game changer. If you can see it for what it is & understand the logic (& science) behind it, processing it all becomes a much different experience.

What I get from this video is that limerence is being obsessed and/or infatuated with the other person. Such feelings are unhealthy and I second you for saying that they never last.

This is why it's not a good idea to spend too much time with people you feel drawn to. If you are married. Especially if you are married. I don't carelessly hug men or pour out my troubles on them to trigger their "white knight". I'm sure it's painful for all people involved. So why put everybody through it?

@gervaseprado2155

5 жыл бұрын

I totally agree with you

@Missndallensworth

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this. I need to hear this as a recently married woman. Thank you

@ghadaemish6989

4 жыл бұрын

Kimberley Hembree I completely agree with you. When in a committed relationship, on which one spent significant time and energy to reach the level of commitment, it makes more sense to prioritize what one has with his/her partner, be realistic that pursuing such an attraction can be costly and make the decisions that would have positive effects on one’s partner and relationship.

@mrsyeh

4 жыл бұрын

Agree

@peterdebeer7444

4 жыл бұрын

I'm learning so much out of this channel.

LIMERANCE ... WOW...what a wake up call !!!!!

Everything he says is true. I’ve only been in these types of relationships. They aren’t lasting. I’m in the process of healing from the inside to make better choices AFTER I’m healed.

@collaborativelearning1

Жыл бұрын

That how limerence is supposed to function

@sarim742

Жыл бұрын

Can you remember how long they lasted. Then please tell me

My 19.5 year marriage, 24 year relationship, was sacrificed on the altar of my ex's limerence for a woman he wouldn't even like under normal circumstances. (I'm pretty sure she thinks he's a fool and is only using him as a fun distraction.) In his mind, what he feels for her is the real deal and our 24 years together were a lie. (They weren't.) He told lie after lie in an attempt to justify his vile actions and make himself the hero of a delusional epic fantasy. He's the only person in the world who can't see the reality of the situation. Early on, her own brother tried to talk him out of it because he believes his sister is bad news. Interestingly, my ex seemed to come to his senses for a few weeks this summer and talked to me about how special our relationship had been (it was) and how badly he had messed things up (he had). Her sister told him how glad she was, for his sake, that he had broken it off. Turns out, the woman he believed to be the love of his life had been living with another guy the entire time. Eventually, though, he fell back into it. He's never been good at dealing with uncomfortable emotions and I assume facing the truth was too heavy a burden. It was easier for him to go back to believing she's the only woman he's ever loved than to face reality. He wants so badly to be the star of The World's Greatest Love Story (frankly, I think he already had been, with me) but he's really the star of an all too common run-of-the-mill tragedy and he only has himself to blame.

@thebeecubed

2 ай бұрын

I am a month out from DDAy and my now ex is dealing with this and she is a married woman, How are you doing? Tell me the pain gets better?

@ld3027

2 ай бұрын

I'm sorry you're going through this but it DOES get better. When I found out that he was "in love for the first time in his life" (lol), everything I had ever known to be true was thrown into question. I felt like I had been forced into a parallel universe where some of the best people I knew were now hateful monsters. I struggled for a long time but am much much better. I focus on what is possible for my life now that he is no longer dragging me down. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will be okay. @@thebeecubed

Limerence is what I call the honeymoon period. Limerence is the reason for a lot of miserable marriages. As soon as the honeymoon period is over.... life begins. This is when people wake up and wish they never married that person.

@shea88barbie

4 жыл бұрын

I agree. It’s kinda of scary but I guess you hv to marry based on the true love qualities like compatibility, friendship etc vs just emotions & physical attraction. It also makes me question monogamy

@ditnooitweer

4 жыл бұрын

​ Glam You Girl Because you "have to" be monogamous, limerence is a threat to your relationship and seen as something bad. It would be far more practical to have someone you can love, trust and be with, Building live, raising kids etc but that one would let you be free to enjoy those feeling to that other person, reality will always kick in and you would never leave the person who gave you the possibility to explore enjoy life. You just love them more because of it. For me, that's true love.

@vickydaza

3 жыл бұрын

This was me!

@terrysteward

3 жыл бұрын

That’s interesting,I think I have experienced Limerence a number of times,as I am currently battling on keeping marriage no 3,and maybe this marriage was my limerence and this wasn’t to be ouch,a very interesting notion,maybe my wife was in limerence with me 24 years ago

@kyrareneeLOA

3 жыл бұрын

Jennifer, I am sorry , limerence goes beyond the honeymoon period, It is bigger than that. If it is unrequited, I have seen limerence last thus far 30 years. I am sure it last longer. Especially if there is distance between 'the one in limerence' and the other.

Thank you Dr. Joe, my husband had limerence for a year or two. I know he thought he was in love... and it hurts but i thank God i have faith. I showed love and compassion all the more. After 3 years, he told me "i am so glad we never got divorce"... if you initiated divirce at that that i would take it! Yes, fatal attraction will past and soon they will realize how foolish they were... if you are a spouse of the one who is having a limerence affair "do not pay back evil with evil" pay back evil with good, pay back with acts of love but don't let him/her abuse you. Draw boundaries. Work on yourself and be the bigger person. One day you'll look back in amazement on how things turned out...

@Ricci1978

5 жыл бұрын

It certainly doesn't feel like that right now and my situation involves a child that has come from the limerence romance.

@thegabby2001

5 жыл бұрын

Wais Na Misis thank you for your words of encouragement. I am going through this now. My husband is having an affair, wants a divorce & seems obsessed. He is never home, will leave without even saying goodbye to our children and come home late. This week I stopped trying anything to fix our marriage. I am just being pleasant while putting myself & our children first. My heart aches but I will no longer cater to him. I am praying 🙏🏽

@joyofsalvation100

5 жыл бұрын

Exact same situation with me. He is in limerence and doesn't care about me and my kids, gone all the time.

@sea.camryn

5 жыл бұрын

Venus Washpun that’s tough. Although I have known some women who were able to look past that. If you can’t, the best thing to do is to protect your heart and let go.

@kimjd2

5 жыл бұрын

Losing a marriage of 22 years due to husband in limerance. I also choose to show compassion and love as I could see right away that my husband wasn’t “normal”. We’ve been separated for 10 months now and will be divorced end of July if he doesn’t come to his senses. 😬🙏

Limerence is a reaction to lacking the impulse to resist lusting after a feeling you want to feel. All while dealing with the emotional highs and lows of this thing called life. Many are never satisfied. So they put themselves in the best position to create the opportunity to come into the lustful feeling they long for. Regardless to honoring a previous commitment.

That's gotta be the wisest thing I ever heard. Don't make long term decisions based off how you feel

Happens like clockwork. Limerence fades and so does any relationship based on it.

By watching this I learned when your married always give your all. Keep doing the things that was done in the beginning of the relationship keep kissing, keep hugging , keep telling her how beautiful she or he is, because some things you want realize until it’s to late. Today She will tell me who she wants to be with, either way I’m gonna keep my head high. Because you may lost a life BUT YOU STILL HAVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!

@amandazemke5765

Жыл бұрын

What happened

Me and my wife both went through it. And it took these guys here to save my marriage. Been the best marriage the last 3 years ever. I'm glad I paid to attend there workshop. It opened so many omg moments. Pointed out where we both went wrong. And while we left without each other holding hands lol. It took the work of continuing what they taught us. And when 1 would give up the other took over until we both were in the same level. And now it's been perfect. We sure would love to return to tenn and be a couple that assist with others. Marriage helper 911 saved my family.

I’ve experienced limerence and I can honestly say it was the most painful experience I’ve ever gone through in my life. I had this intense and immediate connection with someone that I thought I had met my soulmate but this person turned out to be a total fake and it devastated me. I don’t which it upon anyone unless the love you feel for someone is reciprocated. It’s been over 2 1/2 yrs and I’m in a happy relationship with an amazing guy but I’m still not over the guy that I had that intense connection with!

@samt8592

2 жыл бұрын

This is happening to me right now. She moved away after months of intense romance because of education. Its only been a few weeks and shes already talking to me less. I feel used and I feel like I want to die. I don't get it. She literally said she loved me and wants to spend her life with me.

@sara6961

Жыл бұрын

Guys you now have a soul tie. You need to turn to God and repent and break the soul tie

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

how are you doing now?

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

@@samt8592 how are you doing now?

Iimerance is what dreams of having with someone one day. Love is what you end up if you are lucky

Nothing wrong with LImerance if one is SINGLE. If one is married - hankering for someone other than spouse - do your spouse a favor and get the hell out of their lives! give them a chance to find "real love".

That was deep, where was this video when I was going through that. I actually got over it by realizing that I had placed the person on a pedestal that he was not worthy of being on. I fell out of limerance last week just like that. I didn't understand it, but now it makes sense. Thank you for shedding light on this limerance.

I learned about Limerence about 5 years ago and it explained SO MUCH. It was part of my awakening to my own faults and tendencies. I experienced limerence at least twice during my marriage, and I wasn’t able to be open and communicative with my own, actual husband about what was going on. We now are divorced, for that and other reasons. Limerence is completely real, and completely false. Please spread the word about it, because so many suffer the effects without knowing why.

@rl1890

Жыл бұрын

We’re you able to get back together with your husband?

@royabauman5770

Жыл бұрын

@@rl1890 No, we did not get back together. Many many issues.

@evaniaradu9503

11 ай бұрын

@@royabauman5770 so it wasnt caused by the "limerence" then?

My feeling of limerance lasted 5 years. Passionate, a rollercoaster of emotions. I was crying half the time....and when my husband told me he wasn't in love with me...it hit me. He's not perfect, I thought he was a saint. I sacrificed my own career. I gave it all! Anyway, I am slowly finding who I am. We are still married though it's not looking too good. I have decided to develop personally before anything else. So, as a couple we agreed to give ourselves 1 year of getting to know each other, work on ourselves and be better parents. That's the best I can think of at this time ...it really is difficult to be rational when all I did was go off of my emotions ...thank you Dr.

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

how are you doing now?

Could it be possible that the person who leaves their spouse while experiencing Limerance is the only one feeling that, & how often is it just a turn on for the other person involved. I mean it's got to be quite an ego booster to know that you were able to lead someone away from thier spouse.

I started feeling nausea and palpitations just thinking about someone feeling this way about me.

@KelleyBroussardMackaig

3 жыл бұрын

It's incredibly suffocating and it can really drive the person on the receiving end of it further and further away. 😞

I've been in limerence with Beyonce for nearly a decade. I'm glad I watched this video so now I can heal from this experience.

@bootywarrior1975

3 жыл бұрын

lol what

@baluxyanahiam3630

3 жыл бұрын

😂

@davidvanwinkle5033

3 жыл бұрын

Ahhh ha ha ha 😂😂

@jamayatookes1225

3 жыл бұрын

Lmaoooooooo

@SA-nt9kl

3 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣

I believe my ex-wife is curently in limerance for a man she met after our divorce. I really feel like she is vilifiing me. She's said that she was never happy with me, she was never all that attracted to me, there was never any intimacy between us, and for the most part she's been putting the blame on me. We're trying to work on reconciliation right now, but it's been really frustrating hearing those things while remembering her being happy at times in our marriage. It sometimes feels like our entire relationship was a lie. This video gives me hope that this viliniazation will eventually go away and she can remember that it wasn't all bad between us. Thank you!

One other thing worth mentioning - limerence (and all the crazy drama that goes with it) is a very insecure, selfish kind of love. That is why it differs from true love. My one concern moving forward is that the last thing I want to be with a future partner is a burden to her. That is why I am waiting before jumping back into dating. And for those folks who are screaming “stay away from married people”, well, you are 100% right! Because all of that has cost not only me but my two daughters (which I am pretty sure I will get full custody of).

I've had limerance for three years for the same person. Even when we weren't talking I thought about him a lot of the time. Even though I hate myself and I know I don't deserve him I long for him. I start panicking when I say something wrong. There's never been someone like him.

I would like to thank you and your team for creating this channel. You guys have saved my marriage and for that I can't thank you enough.

@collaborativelearning1

Жыл бұрын

thank you as well.

I was going through a difficult time with the loss of my dog, both my parents died 4 days apart, job and financial issues - this led to depression ,stress, Anxiety. My Fiance felt unloved and turned her heart to another man who himself just gone through a break up. They definitely have limerence towards each other. They are both rebounding, it will not work. So I sit back and wait for them to understand this, which they will. My Fiance has low self esteem and needs constant and needy signs of physical affection. As hard as it is I just let her go to find this out for herself. They need to figure it out for themselves. It's easy to have feelings of panic and grief. But be patient and look inward at things you need to work on yourself. She will be back and I will accept her. Love is kind, love is patience, love is not jealous, love will not keep a record of wrongdoing.

@rocknroseee

2 жыл бұрын

Your fiancé left you in the moment of crisis.. why would you accept her back?

@jdrumz321ify

Жыл бұрын

CHUMP

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

how are you doing now?

We change ourselves so much that we lose ourselves and don’t recognize ourselves after these relationships crash and burn.

Going through this right now. Praying it doesn’t last a lifetime. It hurts so much

For 19 yrs I was "comfortably" married to my wife when I met a woman I was fascinated with. I loved talking to her & felt like she "got" me in ways my wife never had. It only lasted a month, I didn't leave my wife for this woman and the intensity has died down. I still enjoy time I spend with her at work, but no longer do I have the urge to leave my wife & this other woman & I have only hugged. On one hand I would hate it if she left our job I'd never see her again and I'd strongly miss her, on the other hand it might be a good thing if that occurred.

@samt8592

2 жыл бұрын

what happened?

@deborahrouse5644

Жыл бұрын

You are wrong. She didn't really "get you". Gosh how I hate that, "My wife doesn't understand me", kind of thinking! Of course the "new" woman ALWAYS DOES........but it's only an illusion you're nurturing.

I’ve never had a relationship with a partner based on Love. I’ve only just realised that this is what I’ve been doing to myself. I’ve definitely experienced limerence in every single relationship. The last one was the worst I’ve experienced becoming very toxic

@KOIAitisso

10 ай бұрын

Definitely a painful journey of self discovery rage and love

100% what I’m going through right now. It’s hard to quit. It’s like an addiction

This is exactly what happened to my ex! He left his family for a teenager that’s 13 years younger than him. It’s a heartbreaking process!

@divyashirley

3 жыл бұрын

Same here

Currently, my husband is in limerence ,the way Dr Joe describe it is exactly how he is acting. He left our family and live with someone else. He bought a lot, he get all our money, etc..(good that I have job to support our kids) Thank you Sir.. It will not last but i still remember how he made plans for their affair and how he betrayed us.... We need to move on, time will heal. I already made steps to migrate to other country (with my children) so painful that i think its the only way to forget things So help me God.

I have been in this kind of situation for about three months. My wife is aware and indeed she has done a lot to help me come out of the situation. Truly it doesn't las.

I was in limerance that I thought was love, but when she fell out of love, I still felt and feel that I love her. It's something wrong with me? How do I avoid falling into this trap in the future? What can I do to protect myself from myself in regards to this?

Thanks so much for this article. Not heard of limerence until a couple of months ago. That is when I found out what I was experiencing now for about 6 months. It was awful. My marriage and relationship with the Lord was more important. I continue to stand in prayer and the word of God to defeat the feelings.

Well done- only people with understanding will hear what your saying - lots of lost people put there, actually lots of sick people out there, to be healthy is to live in truth and honesty

@ylsflv

5 жыл бұрын

preach

I think I’m sort of like starting to come out of this limerence thing I just found out about 15 minutes ago, but I’m honestly scared that as soon as I go back to school and see her again it’s going to come back up. I’ve barely seen her in the last month and I can honestly say that I’m really happy about it, even though it’s been killing me. I haven’t been able to work out in months and my grades have dropped a TON. I need to let her go, I guess, but God help me because I have no idea how to do that.

You're not lying sir. How got out of that situation was to not care about emotion's and feeling and concentrate on logic.

True love comes from living life together and caring and being respectful to each other long term and that's where true love comes from, It develops over time.

Omg this is what it was!!! It definitely wasn’t Love! Thanks for bringing clarity!

My husband is leaving me for a girl he met through work. They hadn't even met before he ended things with me. They made a connection through work emails and texts. I was completely blindsided and not given a chance to address the issues in our marriage. I'm still reeling. I believe he has limerence. I hope that he snaps out of it.

@MarriageHelper

5 жыл бұрын

Hi Tamryn, we are so sorry to hear about what you're going through. We know how difficult it is to be in your situation. If you'd like more information regarding limerence, you can listen to these podcasts: "Understanding Limerence" www.marriagehelper.com/Understanding-Limerence-Podcast & "The 3 Stages of Limerence" www.marriagehelper.com/stages-limerence-podcast

This is, bar none, the single most accurate overview of limerence that exists on KZread. Thank you tremendously for posting it and for helping so many of us out substantially as a result. 🙏🏻

Wow! This word describes the intensely, magnetic feelings, my husband and I had for one another 10 years ago!! What’s crazy, is it’s still there...whether unhealthy or healthy for us, we stick together

@laura2372

4 жыл бұрын

Your situation is rare! Limerence doesn't turn into real true love and a lasting marriage very often! Congratulations! Enjoy your good fortune and blessing!

@kerrymillar1267

9 ай бұрын

There’s no issue if you were both single and make eachother happy. Just enjoy.

I'm not even halfway done with this video but I'm already breathing, sighing intensely and reading all the comments on how I could relate because of how eye-opening this is...and the difficult journey that is to come when discovering u have this, and it needs to stop. Praying we all get there peacefully, however long it takes... 🙏

I had no idea. Amazing and absolutely true. I am going through the end result. Realizing what it is doesn’t make it any easier to deal with but it does help.

@c.j.p.7607

Жыл бұрын

I'm going through it as well. What was the end result like for you? How long did it last, what was the outcome?

my limerent lover goes away WITHOUT ever accepting me, my life is... empty and corrupted of what I believe to be true love, like a glitch that corrupted very crucial data to love him for ever in the best way possible. I still remember this: "even if everything around us even we ourselves change i will never stop loving you", once he rejected me I got lost in a chaos of thoughts that couldn't arrange into what it was anymore in the same way, I had something very important to keep without any effort, i could love him for ever effortlessly ;(, now i can cry for it effortlessly

I had a unique experience with limerence, where I was in limerence with two people. I stayed with the one I fell for first because I thought I was being sensible and I thought it was romantic to stay with my first young love. Long story short, I was stuck with him for 12 miserable years and I shouldn't have been with either of them. I'm now with someone who I believe will make me happy after the limerence disappears and I am currently the happiest I've ever been. It is always wise to take a step back and think outside of your feelings, life is too precious to waste with someone who is not suitable for you.

@aliyahsmith3134

Жыл бұрын

How is the relationship going?

@katherinepoltoratzky2058

Жыл бұрын

What's the status? Are you still in limerance?

He's like a wise, jolly grandad. Love this guy! Just reading Tennov's book now. Illuminating. My past/youth was definitely spent being addicted to the state of Limerence, mistaking it for love. I even wrote a list just now. Fourteen different LO's. (Limerence Objects) in my 38 year old lifetime. Some reciprocated, some not. Some still close friends to this day. Some beautiful, and worth the fight. Others unattractive, both on the outside and the in. The mind boggles and I'm confused to this day as to why I spent so much time obsessing over these people. One thing is for certain, it was the feelings I was addicted to and not the person. Something was missing, broken, or not formed yet in me. For anyone suffering from this still, please listen to the man above and question this all-consuming, anti-productive state you're in. It's a false reality, a heavy delusion. Now I'm grounded and my love is pure and fresh, unconditional. Limerence should be taught in schools and brought to the public eye much more, and The Sorrows of Young Werther will be sorry no more. Ha. Thanks. Much LOVE to you all.

This is absolutely true. I had no idea this was happening to me. I almost lost everything.

@collaborativelearning1

Жыл бұрын

This has happened to me as well, it happens to so many people.

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

how are you doing now?

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

@@collaborativelearning1 how are you doing now?

Omg im sorry i didn't c this sooner!!! Sometimes i feel like i cant breath when im around him I think abt him everyday right through the day .. sigh

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

how are you now?

It’s crazy how love can blind you and take you away from reality.

i've been through this shit and it was exactly how it's been described above in this video!

My wife of 12+ years left me and kids after her first affair. I stood for our marriage and waited for her to return to us. But she made it clear that she moved on with her new bf. What makes things worst she's 38 yr old and her bf is 20 yrs old. We loved each other for so long but this was a shock to us all . This is only fresh and raw and still trying to cope with it all. After seeing this video I come to realise that she's going through " LIMERENCE " because of her actions and the way she dealt with it. Choosing her life with someone over her husband and children says it all. I pray that she comes out of it before it is all too late. The emotional mess she left is unbearable esp the kids.

@robertopimentel3900

4 ай бұрын

How are you now?

Soooo good, Joe! Thank you for posting. People need to know this before they marry and before they take it too far and divorce. We've been fed lies that feeling like you are "in love" is true love. But true love is self sacrificial.

I live in the area and I wish I could have a live counseling session with this guy. Limerence has been running my life since I was a child, and now that I know what limerence actually is, I feel almost cheated by myself, like I have never made a positive decision in my life for ME before, that it's always been for my "limerent objects". Every 2 years or so I will try to leave whoever I am with for a LO. I need to break the cycle!

I am pretty sure I have experienced limerence ever since my first crush; whether they be real people or fictional characters. And I swear it's only gotten stronger since then. My current crush has lasted for almost four years... and unless I get into a proper relationship myself, or if I viscerally react to him being in any kind of relationship, or if - God forbid - he passes away, I legitimately don't expect this to end any time soon... I'm not even joking here. I just don't how it could end...

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

How are you doing now?

My husband of 20 years left me in september for a woman he knew 35 years ago. Supposedly she's an extraordinary woman. He's so in love, he's forgotten how we were so close and loved each other so much. He did so much lying about all of this. I am crushed. For those of you who are thinking of doing this and leaving your wife of 20 years, remember, you are destroying everything for a passing romance. I don't think it will work out in his case. If it didn't work out 35 years ago, how can it work now? It was doomed from the start.

This was my first time hearing about limerence love but he describe exactly what I went through. I was the one married and thought I fell madly in love with my husbands best friend. But I fought the feelings and kept them to myself. It nearly drove me crazy and it consumed my every thought and changed the way I was acting. Long story short I never acted on my feelings. I pushed the guy away that I wanted to be with and tried to make my marriage work even though deep down that's not what I wanted. It's been about 6-7 yrs since all this and I'm still married and we have a 4 yr old son. I'm no longer obsessed with the guy I had limerence for but I'm not happily married either. But at least I find contentment, things are stable and my kids have a home with both parents.

I was in limerence /love with a wonderful man whom I still love. I remembered my marriage vows and stayed with my husband, who never really appreciated me. I loved him more as a friend. Now over 50 years later, I wonder about my lost love, and how life would have been with him.We lived a long distance from each other ànd I thought of all the people I would hurt, and probably never see again, so made a conscious decision to stay with my husband. They are both dead now,

@user-ne8my3rg7x

3 ай бұрын

It was agony and I was heartbroken

@user-ne8my3rg7x

3 ай бұрын

However I suffered agony and it took years to settle back into my marriage. I was still in love with my lover,but never made contact again, because I hoped he would find happiness,and so he did. When my husband died 30 years later I made a conscious decision not to contact my lost lover,I realised that I loved him too much to disturb his marriage and family . He died a few years later.

I’m so happy to hear that it will end !

I'm going through limerance right now with my leaving wife... This is the worst feeling I've ever had in my life

This man is so pleasant, loved the video. I was in a 7 month long online relationship with a man I talked to in high school. At the end of the relationship I realized that I didn’t even like him, and he wasn’t interested in getting to know me. He was in limerance, too. I did this all behind my fiancés back. Wondering what the next steps are.

Well, he told me that I am the love of his life and after living 49 perfect months together, he confessed to me that he is not sure if he loves me anymore🤭 He started to magnify my imperfections and he cannot think of anything positive about me🤭 I am still in shock! he broke my heart into pieces💔 I believe everything you said Dr., especially, the timeframe is absolutely correct! I wish I knew this before... I didn’t see this coming at all!

@thepicklecat7891

4 жыл бұрын

I am very sorry to hear that

@mightyforce4398

3 жыл бұрын

You’re probably dealing with a narcissist look up narcissistic abuse

This is exactly how my wife suddenly does. After 22 year relationship, including 15 year marriage and 2 lovely children she became 2 years ago more than in love with this other man and she said "her soul is ripped out" when she's not with him. Now we're close to divorce and really hope this intense feelings stop before the divorce is final. It's so incredible painful but now I finally have an explanation and really really thank you for this explanation Joe. The only thing is, although I still love her very much, that I don't know very well how to talk with her because on many occasions I wished she left my live for good after all the mean things she said and done.

@jerryanddiannedennison5644

Жыл бұрын

Remember, if your divorce gets final before your spouse gets out of the limerence, and you still love and want to salvage your relationship, you can remarry. But seek help from Marriage Helper for guidance.

@kerrymillar1267

9 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry, hope you’re ok.

@robertopimentel3900

4 ай бұрын

Any updates?

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

how is everything now?

Ive been in Limerence. I’m sure I'm in it right now. My 3 questions are how do you get out of limerence and why is it that years later I still love the person who I experienced limerence with? The end of those relationships were largely due to incompatibility or conflicting circumstances, so why can't I get over them. In fact if any of those limmered lovers reentered my life I would probably be able to pick right back up where I left off emotionally speaking. Lastly how do you move from limerence into a healthy love & relationship.

@roxannelightfoot4012

2 жыл бұрын

Did you ever get a response?

@katherinepoltoratzky2058

Жыл бұрын

I want to know too

@samia6888

15 күн бұрын

@@roxannelightfoot4012 are you over it?

I am going through this right now with my wife. It is killing me but due to Marriage Helper I am standing by our marriage. I still love her more than anything.

As a person with cptsd and a fearful avoidant attachment system, I have experienced limerance many times… it has taken deep self awareness and shadow work, parenting myself to identify this tendency and consciously choose to vet both people and my own emotions in relationships.

Dear doctor, this is by far the best explained Limerence video on youtube. Thank You so much. I only found about about the psychological definition of “limerence” because I was trying to explain what I felt, so I researched on the internet until I found a close definition which corresponds to my feelings. I would like to share my limerence story (which I am still in and it’s hell on earth). I was in a relationship which I considered perfect, everything was so intense, our deep connection: we were not only physically attracted to each other but also mentally, spiritually, something I never felt with anyone on earth before. And apart from that, we a built such a loving and respectful relationship, which is maybe the most difficult thing to achieve when two souls love each other. And I’m not talking about the initial infatuation, where everything is wonderful and shiny. I’m talking about having a routine with your partner, the daily routine, where couples usually fall apart and become less romantic, we were growing together and became more and more attached to each other. We lived together and created such a strong “unity” built on love and respect. No swear words ever, no yelling, no jealousy, no conflicts. Yes you might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. It's the truth. I had never experienced before what’s it like if you've found “that other half” or the love of your life. It’s really difficult to match with someone, even more if you set high standards and are very sensitive about anything like me. So yes, at the age of 33 years I found this true love. And not only that, we created this perfectly functional relationship and yet somehow I felt it was “too good to be true”, so good that I felt so much fear only by thinking that he might lose interest in me. Those fears grew and finally, I ran away. Literally. I took my stuff and I ran away and now he doesn’t pardon me for what I did, because I didn’t do it only once. I did it four times. The other three times he accepted me and told me that I should control my fears and my inner conflicts. Until then I didn’t even consider therapy, I didn’t even think that something might be wrong with “the way I loved him”. I had never heard about limerence. I really had no idea. I thought that love and fear were two feelings glued to each other, because if I have no fear of losing that person, I am definitely not in love, right? So anyways. I ran away because my mind created such a strong image of myself suffering if he would break up with me at some point in the future, so that I preferred to end this relationship out of the blue. And it really was out of the blue, because the night before, we spent the most beautiful night together, everything was romantic, it was just us two at home drinking wine and listening to music while looking at each other and saying how much we loved each other. It was so intense. I would describe that moment one of the “wholest” emotional moments in my entire life, due to its simplicity: I was with the person I loved. I was enjoying that moment, no fireworks, no glitter, just us together. Our relationship created so much happiness in me, that I was focussing on “what if he ends it?”. My psychologist told me about “self fulfilling prophecy” and yes, that was exactly what happened to me. My mind began to use any gesture, any sentence, any rejection to create and feed these negative imaginary thoughts of him breaking up with me. Doctor, I can so rely to the part when you said that you go from ecstasy to misery within seconds. I felt this many times during the day. Any comments started an emotional rollercoaster. I felt this especially during sex. The times I felt rejected, I would wait until he fell asleep and then cry all night long laying next to him. On the other hand, when we had sex, I was in heaven, but this amazing feeling also set pressure on me, because I tried to please him so much. I was more preoccupied with him enjoying me than me enjoying him, that pressure lead to sexual disfunction. How was it possible that I was sharing bed with the love of my life, but I wasn’t working sexually because I was too nervous? And that lead to more insecurity. Any rejection was analised by my powerful mind. Any word. Any subtle sentence and I thought to myself “Oh damn, you didn’t function properly last night in bed, today he doesn’t want to have sex with you because he is tired, but all he does is lying or trying not to hurt you because in reality he is losing interest in you”. Instead of talking about my fears (and he always offered me to talk about everything), I wasn’t able to express my fears. As a hyper sensitive person, I try to avoid conflicts at any costs, and even if there wasn’t any conflict involved, just by having a conversation, my mind pre-created his reaction to exposing my fears. I always thought that as soon as I started talking about my insecurities, he would tell me that he doesn’t want an insecure boyfriend, that he doesn't want that kind of responsibility. To break this vicious circle, I didn’t see any solution. I was frustrated, and I ran away. It’s the biggest regret in my life. Because I thought I’d feel peace at some point, but all I feel is pain and guilt. Now I have to deal with all of those “imaginary nightmares” I had before, of him falling in love with someone else, etc. And I created this scenario!!! It’s literally a self fulfilling prophecy. While we were together, instead of focussing on us and everything we had created together, and our future plans, all I did focussed on were fears and more fears. Fears of losing him. Fears of him breaking up with me. Fear of losing that amazing relationship. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of rejection. Why did I focus on that? I gave all those negative thoughts so much power, that they started to dominate me. Now 6 months have passed by and I am thinking about him and us and our past 90% during my day. I try to distract myself, but any emotion leads me to “us” again. I don’t enjoy sex with anyone else. It hurts. It’s a torture. As soon as I touch anyone, I can’t disconnect and my mind tricks me and so many hurtful images pop up about him having sex with other guys. Even non sexual situations such as having coffee with a friend of mine don’t distract me, I don’t feel that I’m present in that moment. My mind takes me to “him” again. “How would this situation be enjoying a coffee with him now, as we always did while we were together”. That strong feeling inside of me, feels now like I an emotional cancer I’m carrying around to any place I go. I travelled. I went to parties. I surrounded myself by many people. Those are all just distractions. No cure. My love for him will always exist. The Pain is the price I am paying for losing control to my fears. I lost the love of my life. I lost a loving and harmonic relationship. I lost a deep connection. And I need to accept the fact that this kind of love only happens once in life. I know everyone is trying to help me and tells me that it’s just a matter of time to fall in love again. It's uplifting, but, I know myself and I know that there exist unique emotional links to people during your lifetime. Your family (you were born with and couldn’t choose) and the love of your life (the one you were lucky enough to find). I found and lost this person. I won’t ever love anyone as much as I loved him. I might find someone to “distract” myself from the pain. But I will never find true love again in anyone, no matter if someone tells me that there are 6 billions of people on this earth, that doesn’t mean a thing. You don’t feel a strong connection with anyone just because there are 6 billion people out there. I found love, even if that love was limerence and came with fear, but I loved and now all that’s left is PAIN. The anti depressants help me to avoid panic attacks. I never had panic attacks in my life before. Me running away created a life changing event, it became a trauma. I depend on anti depressants in order to get up and smile. I can even be cheerful again, but I need to suppress any memory of us, any emotion that takes me back to us, it’s really hard. It becomes my daily exercise: suppressing. Any emotions triggers a memory or triggers what I feel for him. There are days were I struggle and I want to end this. I still cry every day. All I do is want to sleep because I dream of us. He appears on all of my dreams. Mostly us together again. Then I wake up and have to face reality. I don't even know where I am heading to in life. I lost my purpose, my goal. Our goal in life should be happiness right? So what does make me happy? I have no idea. You could give me a million dollars right now and I wouldn't feel happiness. Money can't turn back time. Nothing will fill tis emotional gap. I hope I might suffer less in future. Maybe I might be able to "silence" this feeling, but I know it will always be a part of me, as the language you learn and never forget. It's something within you, you can't separate yourself from. I had to share my pain. Thanks for reading.

@stephanielemaire1366

5 жыл бұрын

Mitchel Rieger t

@Stellabyestarlight

5 жыл бұрын

❤️ you’re not alone ❤️

@aparimit

5 жыл бұрын

I highly doubt that my request shall be accepted, but can we be friends? I know this is strange but I think I can relate with you to a great extent and it is very rare for me. Not by experiences but psychologically I think we make a good match. Anyways. Don't be bothered. Happy to know that people like me exist.

@SuperBezee

5 жыл бұрын

i know it's hard, but what you're doing is giving in to another fear, the fear of not finding another person to love. so don't. accept that you won't love someone the same way, but trust that you will love again, and maybe this is for the best. find ways to stop giving in to the same mental loopholes that keep you in this thinking. and as cheesy as it sounds, love yourself enough to stop this toxic cycles. peace and love

@AG-ft3cd

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this ❤️

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months now. He immediately started dating other women and is now in a relationship that he is being tagged in on social media. He states this is to an affair because we are separated and I just so not agree. I have been leaving him completely alone and hoping he will stop and think about what he's doing but I'm losing hope in the process as it is just too painful and affairs cross my boundaries.

You’re amazing. Thank you for all the hope you and your team share.

Wow, this is amazing and spot on!

I made this very mistake. I had someone that I loved and loved me like no one ever did or could. I found myself in a “limerence “ type of relationship else where and no one could tell me that this relationship wasn’t meant to be. People tried to tell me but I couldn’t listen because it would take away from the constant high I was on. This relationship was EVERYTHING that you described. After 2 years we broke up because he said loving me wasn’t fun anymore. 6 months later we were back together and engaged. A year later I found that he was working on another limerence relationship with someone else . This was devastating since he was everything I ever wanted or so I thought. We broke up and I hadn’t spoke to him since. Now I look back and see all of the red flags that everyone else saw. I know now that what we both were feeling for each other was this word ( LIMERENCE)I’d never heard of before.

@deborahlee6240

5 жыл бұрын

Yes, it's very much an addiction where two broken people come together, even where one is very similar to a parent that needs to be outgrown.

@staytoxic6238

5 жыл бұрын

thank you for sharing, I'm going through this right now. wife of 33 years moved out with some guy that left his wife and kids. she left me and my 2 son's at home. it was hard for me at first although it is much easier now. after 6 months of hurt, I decided to start dating and now I can't handle so many gals that want to be with me. I believe since I changed my life around and looking good, she will be a rebound to this cheating piece of sh**... karma always comes back. I'm sure she sees my changes but will not admit she made a mistake by throwing away so many years and all the family and friends for one person. i believe My sons resent her for her selfishness. from what I see in this guy, she downgraded and what others tell me as well. the day will come when will ask for forgiveness and I will forgive her but not forget nor take her back. In my eyes she is used goods. May God forgive her for her selfishness and adultery.

@andremarais2706

5 жыл бұрын

Narcs live on limerence.

@BobaJett

4 жыл бұрын

Limerence is not a mistake, it is perfectly normal. Its the crazy decisions we make while under its influences that are the mistake.

@robertgordash8908

4 жыл бұрын

Is is possible for limerance love to last as long as 10 years ? Then crash?

I'm really struggling with limerance with a guy I've loves for 6 yrs. I haven't seen him in 4 yrs and we have never even dated. I just can't get over him and I have continued dreams about him! I need your help!

@sarabadran2007

3 жыл бұрын

How about now? Are you over him?

@laceyj311

2 жыл бұрын

And now?

You describe what I’m feeling right now... I’ve been feeling this for about 8 years with my high school crush.. I can’t stop thinking about him... is that still limerence?

Twenty five years married and my husband had an affair. It lasted between two to three years. We did not divorce. I waited for him to come to his senses, while chalking it up to a midlife crisis. By the time his experiment ended and he thought he would come back home, I was done. I told him I no longer loved him like a spouse should love the other. He played with fire and he lost. I moved on and created a life of and on my own. He paid a high price too because he lost his sons as well. He died a little over a year ago, never having the opportunity to meet his only grandchild because our son would not forgive his father. If you are someone who thinks you might like to test those waters by stepping away from a marriage with the idea that you can return if things don’t work out, be prepared to lose it all in the end.

great videos! well done! please keep them coming!

I did that meny years ago, I'm now 63 living with the regret of that, I left my child and my husband, moved 5000 miles away to a country were I live today, I was 28years at the time, I broke my husband hart and my son's, I can't go back ever again, he has a new life and so do I, but he called about two years ago to say he still loves me and always will, but you no, it broke my hart to hear him say that, I will never stop loving him, but the biggest thing of all this, I broke my son's hart, and I can never ever change that, so if there is any one out there feeling like this, really think about it, becouse you could be the one with the broken in the end 💔

@Simply4MEnUS

3 жыл бұрын

What's going on today in the relationship.

I have never, ever even heard of limerence before. Sounds so much like infatuation but deeper. 🤔