Followingfenna.com www.youtube.com/@followingfenna/community

Let me give you some hope y'all! Don't worry about the other person anymore. Trust me you will regret hoping wishing and begging your partner. Move on and live your life! You will survive and life will be great! Who cares if they are in love or limerance. Your to important to sit and wait around for someone!

It doesn't matter if it works out or not because the devaluation & discard was so traumatic it made me physically sick. A year later I've gained back some of the weight I lost and am looking forward to the coming of spring alone... after 30 years together. I'm gonna be OK.♥️ You're right about the memories, he doesn't remember anything good.

@ishtiaqanik

Жыл бұрын

3 years and still i am fighting ..

@jenaskye1567

Жыл бұрын

Same! He doesn't remember anything good. Leaving behind a 21 month old & 1 month baby... won't give us a chance after almost 11 years.

@jenaskye1567

Жыл бұрын

​@Self-compassion Channel - Fenna van den Berg He had an affair with a co worker... when I was only 2 month pregnant .... I was alone for 9 months during my pregnancy... I recently offered him to move back in again & work on our marriage or divorce... & he is choosing divorce... he says he can't get over his resentment & anger he has towards me... i'm so sad... he wants to ask for more time but I told him I can't wait anymore if he won't even move back in and try... I'm filing to take some control of my life back & plan a life for my 2 young children. I don't know what to do other than file for an offical seperation... Is there anything I can do?

@ST-cy6we

Жыл бұрын

The only redemption that I have is to await the end of her affair. I can't wait to see it end.

@ST-cy6we

10 ай бұрын

@@eremiasranwolf3513 Hello Friend. I'm still alive. She's living with her rich boyfriend 1500 miles way and she's trying to take my home from me in the divorce. I've been studying up on narcissists and she fits the mold 100%. A couple more months of this misery and the marriage will be over. Then life can begin again for me. At that point, she will be at the 1 year mark for her affair. I wonder how it will be going then

Looking back, when my wife was in a limerent affair with a coworker she was absolutely miserable, I'm a great guy & it turns out about 1000 times better looking than her affair partner. I don't know what the heck she was thinking, but when I found out I moved out for about 3 years & the Simp that she was limerent with dumped her soon after her & the kids were his full time. Responsibility is the last thing a Simp wants.

@kiddytube3915

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like you were the simp accepting her back after she been with another. And why did you have to move out of your own house? Grow some balls and kick her out instead.. how can you be a great guy when you don’t even have a backbone dude. You know what a simp is? Look in the mirror

this is exaclty what happened with my ex, he got married after 6 months into a new relationship, the same amount of time we oficially cut communication after 5 years of relationship... he got divorced and now he is persuing a new relationship with another girl who is leaving everything to go with him overseas... its ñike Im watching a remake of an old series.

My wife just cheated while leaving me at home with our two small kids. Shes obsessed with the guy and I've fought it so much. Thank you for this video. I needed to hear this.

@puppychow

10 ай бұрын

@@eremiasranwolf3513 she moved out with the guy and split up our family. We have 50/50 custody but she’s had massive regrets and is desperately trying to get back together but I’ve met someone else.

@beatlecristian

4 ай бұрын

Go no contact. Only talk to her about family or business matters.

I love this. Can’t wait for the karma to hit.

@Hrazoart

4 ай бұрын

This makes perfect sense now. Nothing else fit so perfectly into the question I had. Do I tell her and save her future or should I let her discover this on her own?

Yes, he devalued me by saying "I love you... but I am not IN love with you". I said nothing. It felt like a strangely out of the blue comment. I just looked at him with a "puzzled" look. (Grote Lul !)

@davidmckay4423

4 ай бұрын

They all seem to use this phrase

@JamieAug

3 ай бұрын

​Maybe it is how they feel. Maybe their feelings have changed. That happens. People' feelings have been known to change; they fall out of love and attractions fade. It's painful for the other person if they're still in love though.

'Just a friend ' ...in limerence, your warm and affectionate wife is happy for herself and cares not for your feelings. Guys, when you see emotional intimacy growing, confront and fight for her as the next step is physical intimacy. It’s hell on Earth, but don't let that guy have her!

@iamsuccess6634

Жыл бұрын

Let him have her, I fought not to let him have her, and now here I am divorced with a broken soul.

@lauriefallert8885

Жыл бұрын

Yup take her take him, whatever the case maybe ... you'll see and feel the other person every time you look at them and everytime theu Tru to kiss or screw you, because in your soul they made love to the other person's mind and or body.. truly devastating 😢 💔

Say, “I respect that. I hope you’ll grace me with the same respect for my response.” Then slide divorce papers across the table that you’ve had drawn up already. Or say, “Ok. Best of luck in all your future endeavors. Your loss.” Then put their things out on the lawn and change the locks.

Yes. Exactly. She thought I'd be fine with her and her guy although she initiated our divorce with anger. She rushed a divorce with me to get married to him. Very true, they think of every bad thing you've done and nothing is good in their eyes even if you have been the most loving supportive person in the past. They just can't see it. The more you try to get them back the harder they push against you because you are getting in the way. And will fight every step to justify themselves. It's painful to hear "I don't love you". So it works out that me, this happy go lucky limerant is seeing his ex wife in limerance whilst being limerant about the loss. I'm waiting with eager anticipation to hear that great big crash....and it will come. I'm now getting on with life yet still keeping a door open just in case.

@tyetr9853

Жыл бұрын

Any update?

@patrickhayden8183

Жыл бұрын

I would really like to know as well.

@PJHEATERMAN

Жыл бұрын

Your story mirrors mine. My disadvantage was i didn't know what limerence was during the time my wife was cheating on me. Had i known i would of been on better footing while dealing with this shock and trauma of the situation. I was very close to giving up and filing for divorce. The stages of limerence played out and i was the one left in a position of power. She wanted to come home and i allowed it with conditions and my conditions were met. Sorry you went through the same pain as me.

@christianchristensen9661

Жыл бұрын

I’m at same stage. My wife ran off 7 months ago

@PJHEATERMAN

Жыл бұрын

@@christianchristensen9661 learn as much as you can about Limerence. If you don't have a plan or strategy, it will help you in your decision making. Hope it works out for you and i know your pain.

i feel like it’s important to mention that limerence in my experience has been ocd, so exposure to the rejection is the only way forward and has stopped the limerence in my case. it’s about ripping off the bandaid using ERP (exposure response therapy) and just feeling the hurt once and for all and the limerence that is just emotions that you are avoiding then goes away! i hope this helps someone as i wish someone had told me this earlier! thank you for your videos ❤️

@theashaya3965

Жыл бұрын

also please correct me if i’m wrong or am maladvising!

@theashaya3965

Жыл бұрын

@@followingfenna Yes I struggled so much with tarot readings too! I avoided doing compulsions for 24 hours and then the exposure was rereading old text conversations to expose myself to the reality of the situation, the limerence is now gone

@theashaya3965

Жыл бұрын

​@@followingfenna Fenna I was also wondering if it is not too much of an overstep, if you do zoom calls? I would love to talk to someone about this topic. I really feel you could help provide me some deeper insight, let me know :)

@theashaya3965

Жыл бұрын

Of course this is a service let me know your rates!

@churka5984

Жыл бұрын

In my case, exposure would make my limerence even worse. I would get rejected by the same person over and over again and it would just make my limerence adapt, change form and become even stronger over time.

I appreciate this so much. Also, something you said there was that feeling sorry for someone is the opposite of attraction and YES - that’s why I forced myself to not beg or cry or tell him how hopeless he left me. Now - 2 years later - he asked for all of his belongings back because him and his new partner are having troubles and he wants to sell his things. Unfortunately I burnt and destroyed everything after holding onto it for a whole year for him, while they flaunted their amazing life on social media. I did not respond to his texts. He left me and cut me off completely while being with someone else for a year behind my back. Know your worth - even when you’re in so much pain. Know that there needs to be balance in this world, and they will feel what you felt. You don’t want them back - you want balance, and that will happen mostly without you seeing it. Sending you love and healing. Thank you Fenna for your amazing content. ❤

@mickboyce386

Жыл бұрын

Patience and karma will do its work.

@patrik-vw4ek

5 ай бұрын

Well said👏👏👏

Very Helpful. Thank you. Salsa class helps. Love the fashion.

Incredible. So accurate. Thank you for your insight!

Eye opening. Thanks a lot!

PERFECT EXPLANATION!!! THANK YOU!!

Fenna your content is so helpful and eye-opening. It brings some releif in the most painful and intense moments. Please tell me, when was the last time you were in a limerent episode or when you spotted that your limerence is about to be activated?

What a great 👍 video! Thanks 😊

The first part of this video reads like you gave my wife the script she used to break up with me. Almost a word-for-word recreation of all the reasons, excuses and actions she used to justify the divorce.

Thank you for this video! It was very insightful. I discovered that my wife was in the early stages of an affair towards the end of last year. I made a lot of bad decisions and played the pick me dance afterwards that only pushed her away. I'm now on anti-depressants and able to cope better with the situation. She said she was willing to rebuild our relationship and marriage, but she did not stop contact with the AP. She said that after discovery they said they took things too far and that they would just be friends supporting each other (the AP is going through a divorce). But that was most likely a lie. We're at a stalemate now living under the same roof as if we're roommates. She says she needs space now. So I am working on myself and taking it day by day. It's not easy right now, but I am trying to have faith. What you said about the state of mind of the wayward spouse only thinking of the negative aspects of the past is so right. As Dr. Gottman calls it, negative sentiment override. My wife is deep in NSO right now.

@aubreystrong2780

7 ай бұрын

Making you the enemy they provoked you into being, allows them to justify their behavior and relieve any guilt or shame they have about doing wrong while you do what is right. Just ignore their reality and focus on yours in Christ and Gods truth. Everything else is head games and noice and distraction.

@kencarey6483

5 ай бұрын

Leave .. grieve , work on yourself and move on . I did . Wife of 20 years went limerent with co worker .. divorce 5 years ago . 50/50 custody . I’ve improved myself beyond description. I’ve been with the perfect woman now for 4 years . God has a plan .. you’ll be ok

@kencarey6483

5 ай бұрын

Leave .. grieve , work on yourself and move on . I did . Wife of 20 years went limerent with co worker .. divorce 5 years ago . 50/50 custody . I’ve improved myself beyond description. I’ve been with the perfect woman now for 4 years . God has a plan .. you’ll be ok

@kencarey6483

5 ай бұрын

Leave .. grieve , work on yourself and move on . I did . Wife of 20 years went limerent with co worker .. divorce 5 years ago . 50/50 custody . I’ve improved myself beyond description. I’ve been with the perfect woman now for 4 years . God has a plan .. you’ll be ok

@kencarey6483

5 ай бұрын

Leave .. grieve , work on yourself and move on . I did . Wife of 20 years went limerent with co worker .. divorce 5 years ago . 50/50 custody . I’ve improved myself beyond description. I’ve been with the perfect woman now for 4 years . God has a plan .. you’ll be ok

This is an excellent tutorial, and extremely accurate regarding the scenarios that are played out. Very good Fenna. Cheers!

@followingfenna

2 ай бұрын

Thank you :) for all your nice comments

Devalued as, 'I really just viewed you as a friend' For 25 years? Come on.

@theapocalypsechronicles3

Жыл бұрын

Yup.... i heard that. "Your more like a relative to me".

@joshuahall1250

Жыл бұрын

That's another "script" phrase. They are in MLC, see above comment

@gsf5882

Жыл бұрын

@@joshuahall1250 Sorry MLC?

@Jessa32

Жыл бұрын

@@joshuahall1250it really is all a movie script isn’t it. So predictable !!!!

@jenaskye1567

9 ай бұрын

I got - I'm not in love with you... I care for you deeply... 11 years - & i was 3 months pregnant with our second child! his affair is still on going 1 year now. He hardly talks to me... It's like I dont exist to him... I'm looking for a legal seperation... not divorce yet... just working on myself & look after my 2 baby girls.

I have been standing for my marriage for 16 months now. My Wife left me for a homeless drug addict. She recently broke up with him for about a week telling her Mom that she doesn't want to be with him anymore. A week later she was hit with a surge to go back to him and she did. I know that this is the beginning of the end for them. She may go back and forth a few nore times but our sons and i are hopeful.

@followingfenna

6 ай бұрын

Good luck to you! And thanks for sharing this!

Just went through it all, well said all true.

This was an eye opener 👏👏👏

Thank you. Its helpful to understand what my spouse does with an earlier friend of mine. They knew each other for over 10 years, but the Limerence Episode between them began last year in may. In Moment my spouse is a other Person. She sacrificed her whole value and beliefsystem to be with the LO. Yes we had no good marriage because of me. But i changed a lot and working on my pies. So i have hope that this crazy Episode is over, she will come back. And in the beginning of their relationship she Said Things to me Like: I cannot let you go. Please fight For me.... But he always pulled her back. I can understand that the emotions are so overwhelming, that she cannot handle this in this phase. So i try to be the safe place and working on me till she found back to herself.🙏❤️

@followingfenna

10 ай бұрын

That is very nice of you, and it's true, she is tormented, hopefully the episode will end soon and she can calm down, good luck to you too! And thank you for commenting.

Great video thank you!

Well done

After almost 3 years, 2 attempted divorces, brought on by her manipulation but, withdrawn 3 months later, it would seem my husband has ended his affair. He is of course now in the mourning stage, very withdrawn and he even stopped drinking. Your video is very accurate. I don't push and just try and be the best wife I can be and I know as a Christian, God has his hand in this situation.

@dt67577

Жыл бұрын

@@followingfenna only by the grace of God.

@jaydenlowe4716

Жыл бұрын

My wife is telling me that even if her and him didn’t work out she wouldn’t come back to me. Is that true?

@SaystheTruth3

10 ай бұрын

I would be aware that he may go back to her... If he doesn't he might start a new relationship with someone else... Most men are never satisfied at home.

Thank you for this

Spot on again

@ronjones2435

Жыл бұрын

Fenna, What is the average time crystallization happens... 18 months??

I would like to know more about how long to expect someone to recover from a LE when the LO does not and has never reciprocated. Once No Contact is established. Is is possible that they will hold onto that "hope" forever?

This didn’t happen in my situation. We were together for 8 years and now they are married, and have been together 10 years.

@Blahlalovely

Жыл бұрын

@@followingfenna What is BL? Yeah, I guess they really were soul mates. Ha.

@Blahlalovely

Жыл бұрын

@@followingfenna

@Blahlalovely

Жыл бұрын

@@followingfenna Thank you! Everything you said makes perfect sense. 🙏🏼

@mickboyce386

Жыл бұрын

Was it possibly not limerence?

@Blahlalovely

Жыл бұрын

@@mickboyce386 I suppose maybe it wasn’t limerence. I have no idea. I guess it wasn’t or maybe the rarest form of it.

It is like I am listening to myself explain my marriage to someone. Wow.

Thank you

Once that happens they can go and be with that person and there is no coming back for them. I would never be afraid of losing them as once it starts they are already gone as far as I'm concerned. Once they devalue me they are done No coming back "EVER". Stop codling these kind of people cheating, that's all these kind of sites do. trust never comes back once they betray you.

@patrik-vw4ek

5 ай бұрын

Well said.

My ex husband left for his affair, left her after a year for another woman and then went back to the mistress after a year w her. He and the first mistress are still together after 6 years. We were married 39 yrs. He did try to “hook up” w me at two years w/o any sign of remorse or sorrow. No way!

@followingfenna

11 күн бұрын

I'm so sorry Cindy. I hope you are doing okay.

Hi so will your partner still grieve for the family they gave up when limerence fade even thou they left for their LO?

The affair partner isnt the wife and the wife isnt the affair partner

I just came out limirernce....i need everyone good wishes to be strong and not fall back on the LO again

@rosaorozco9817

Жыл бұрын

How long were you in Limerence Vicky D?

Fenna, The LO left the wife last week, I've spoken to her twice, what is the next move? Is there a period before she will call wanting to talk? If our relationship was good does she want to get back?

@ronjones2435

Жыл бұрын

Sorry, Yes her LO left her. And I have been so far ive listened, tried to be compassionate and gave my sorrow told her I completely understand ive been there i understand the pain. We'll see

hi, i wait nothing from my LO, because she has nothing to give, concretely, but what is hard now is plan B ! limerence was like someone could meaby fill the cup of love, meaby it's not a cup but a water well, i wait a big love and it's not simple to meet people who want the same ! if the trauma is attachment, addiction, you looking for someone, the shema could just repeat the same, i have to find the injury to be free and open to meet someone, it's hard, i could fall in love from my coach too ! ;)

it works exaclty as she said in the video.

My wife met a rich married man and both started an affair, he is taking care of my wife and 2 children. They are now staying in a difrent town close to the sea. (approx. 1000 km) My wife and children is 95% depended on him; as my wife has no work, no car, no property. Its now about 3 months; she asked for a divorce by still didnt actualy stated the process. I think she keeps her back door open.

@followingfenna

7 ай бұрын

I hope you take care of yourself Menno, this is tough. Good luck to you.

My husband of 14 years went into a limerent relationship. He and I are now divorced. The one he left me for he has cheated on her and has left her to marry the new woman He was cheating with. The woman he left me for was in shock and in a lot of pain.

@followingfenna

5 ай бұрын

Ai thats some trail of pain for multiple people. Good luck to you Rebecca

I really hope this is correct. My ex let me for someone else the very same day she broke up with me. She moved in with him hours away from our town. Now they are engaged. So this was 7 months ago. They are still together. I had seven years. But anyway she went straight into that relationship without looking back. So this Limerance thing isn’t always correct

@todd8780

Жыл бұрын

@@followingfenna it’s sad yes. I was completely shattered. I got into therapy that very next day and go every week to deal with the pain. I have a video here on KZread to show you how happy I thought we were. We rarely fought ever and we’re so much in love , so I thought. So thank you for your videos. I’ve seen them all and will continue to follow them

@mickboyce386

Жыл бұрын

@@todd8780 it looks very much like limerence. It can be up to 4 years. 4 years is very common. Do

@mickboyce386

Жыл бұрын

Limerence can be up to 4 years. 2 to 3 is common. Do some research on limerence. Are you hoping to get back together if they split up?

@todd8780

Жыл бұрын

@@mickboyce386 I’m 55 and she by far meant more to me than anything in this entire world. I feel if she wanted to get back together I would try yes. Dangerous I know but I still love this woman. January 10th will be one year ago this happened. So I’m still hurting from this. I’ve been in therapy all year as well and journaling daily but I still love this woman with every breath. I have a video of us on KZread. You can see that we were happy for 7 years and this happened

@mickboyce386

Жыл бұрын

@@todd8780 check out Marriage Helper on youtube. They specialise in this situation. They also know limerence mostly through experience but also a massive amount of research. They also are big beleivers and followers of the Gottman methods.

Can a person be in limerence for the second time ?

@followyourpassion8378

Жыл бұрын

​@@followingfenna yes, for the same person. That would be interesting to know. So the scenario would be: Limerence wore off, rational thinking even kicks back in, but there is still a basic attraction. Can limerence kick in a second time if contact with the affair isn't cut off completely?

What if you did try to fight for the relationship. Does this reeuce the chnaces of this person comming back?

@followingfenna

6 ай бұрын

Of course that depends on so many factors, in any case I believe it's bever not okay to fight for anything worth fighting for.

Please MORE videos like this for what the spouse should do is needed. 💔💯😊👍 As I've said before- my husband cheated on me with his co-worker last September & i found out end of October. I was 3 months pregnant with our 2nd child. We are seperated (not offically yet) we went to therapy for abit but then he stopped going. Im going to go to a new therapist this week that uses the Gottman therapy (he probably won't go) He has left me with our 2 month old & our 2 year old. He hardly has anything to do with them. He has started talking about divorce... i woukd rather seperate for awhile instead of just jump into divorce. But im so sad as he says he cares for me but is not in love with me. He says its the "family I wanted" 😞 we had planned to have children. Now hes living like a selfish bachelor & sees our children on and off and does not want to come home. Im sure he is still carrying on with the affair as he acts very cold & mean towards me. I tell him i dont want a legal seperation ... i tell him i love him and dont want to divorce as we have been together 11 years... but nothing gets through to him... hes infatuated & i now mean nothing to him... its as if all we had he views as horrible. He says he was misriable for all of the 11 years we were together??? Its been almost 1 year since the affair started... i want to keep fighting but i feel pretty hopeless... All i can do is file for a legal seperation to protect myself & my girls. Oh & he is HIGHLY emotional... I can't say anything without him being mean or frustrated at me.

@jenaskye1567

Жыл бұрын

@self-compassionchannel-fenna I added some more to my comment. Would you recommend a legal seperation if after nearly 1 year there seems to be no getting through to him? I hope he will come to therapy again but he may not. 😞

@jeanjoseph7905

11 ай бұрын

If I was you I would file for divorce if he was unhappy all those years because you cannot really force him to love yoy.

@jenaskye1567

10 ай бұрын

But I don't think he was. We were very happy! That's why this doesn't make any sense. I think it's the limerence & him rewriting history.

Ik heb wel een vraag , hoe ga je om met je partner die niet verteld dat hij bij zijn affaire partner wil zijn . Dus en hij liegt en hij voelt zich slachtoffer terwijl ik met de pijn zit. Wat kun je doen?

@followingfenna

7 ай бұрын

Heel goed voor jezelf proberen te zorgen. Try to take care of yourself as much as possible, and know that crystallisation is a part of limerence, does not mean their ideas are true.

How does this work during midlife crisis?

@followingfenna

5 ай бұрын

Normally limerence can hit us hard during Middle age. Maybe due to boredom, hormones or 'wanting excitement'

@lmfisher650

5 ай бұрын

@@followingfenna what is the likelihood of him coming back to me, his wife of 15yrs after he moved in with her to another town? Do I just divorce him even though I don't want to?

@followingfenna

5 ай бұрын

Of course I can't predict anything with no information. If he removes himself from you, you have no choice but to move on. I wish you alllll the best in the world!

@lmfisher650

5 ай бұрын

@@followingfenna thank you

my ex girlfriend recently did this to me. left me for a turd of a human and they were dating for less than a month and she loves him to the moon and back and he is her soulmate.

@jadams821

Жыл бұрын

@@followingfenna I'm slowly getting better. The obsessive thoughts of her are getting less and less frequent.

How does a baby affect the limerent affair? Do you have an email

@followingfenna

6 ай бұрын

Followingfenna.com is my landing page :)

My wife is telling me I used to call her names and never told her she was beautiful which I did!!