I can totally relate about losing my future, I have been caring for my mother (82 with Dementia) I feel totally lost most of the time, I just try to focus on the fact that I am doing God's will and caring for my mom.

@sheiladykes8851

3 жыл бұрын

I can relate to u. I know exactly what u r going threw. I take care of my 81 year old mother with dementia. Now on top all of that her kidney's is failing. She want hardly eat or drink anything anymore. My brother passed away 6 months ago with a heart attack. Dad died 11 years ago. I'm on my own with all this. It is so hard but we make it. Keep up the good work

@kellydivine6648

3 жыл бұрын

@@sheiladykes8851 I am praying for you Sheila, your mom is lucky to have you.

@cindypatrick785

3 жыл бұрын

I can so relate. I have my 85 yr old dad living on our property just steps away from my house.He’s been with us 5 yrs now. He is in the end of stage 4 and is sometimes reliving his childhood- teens and he had some very sad times back then. I also have my 71 yr old husband that is disabled and I appreciated the guests point about NOT dwelling too much on the future, because if I look too far ahead I don’t see any end to being a caregiver. By the time my caregiving for my dad ends my husband’s health could be worse and I’d be his caregiver then(if I take care of my own health 😏). So I choose to live 1 day at a time🙂 and absolutely rely on Jehovah God to give me the strength I need. Hang in there fellow caregiver 🙂❤️👋

@kellydivine6648

3 жыл бұрын

@@cindypatrick785 Your situation sounds rough and I am sorry you are going through this. Keep praying and having faith. I am praying for you as well.

@cindypatrick785

3 жыл бұрын

@@kellydivine6648 I am quite used to the caregiving life. I raised 2 children and while my son was only 16 I became a Nane( too young to be called GrMa😘). Between their other grma and I we were free day care for 2 grandsons until pre-k( 8 years total). No sooner did I get them in school, my husband’s numerous surgeries started( neck, back, total knee replacements, While he was recovering from one of the surgeries my father pulled into our driveway ( too long of a story) and my caregiving of him began in 2016. Last year my husband had to be life flighted to Texas for mitral valve replacement and we were gone for 2 1/2 weeks( my daughter looked after her Papa ). So I’m a very experienced caregiver………🙂

What I've come to recognize in my caregiving situation is that I can no longer make commitments that require my time and energy outside of caring for my LOWD. For example, I have a small woodworking shop that I retreat to when I'm stressed, and I find some necessary solitude there if for only an hour or two. But what I can't do is commit to commissioned work for clients who want a schedule for completion and delivery. There are simply too many daily variables that trap my time and energy. It makes it difficult to avoid resentments for such imposition, and I definitely have to really meditate to calm that type of stress!

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

That loss of not being able to sell and put your work out into the world is a tough one. Your resentment makes sense because you are giving up a part of who you are. Thank you for being here and for sharing.

How do you overcome empathy fatigue ? My mother (73) has always been a hypochondriac and it is amplified now. Everyday there is a new ailment and we just went to the doctor last Tuesday. I will be looking into palliative care, I know I cant do this by myself. Thank you so much for your channel!

Amazing interview with Denise Brown! Perfect timing for my recent questions about feeling completely EMPTY... not only pain, exhaustion and weary. My brain has been wiped out.. as if someone pushed the pause button in the middle of a movie.. I’ve been a robot..& yes.. taking care of loved one but what comes the next day is too much. I have been scared many times when I became AWARE that I’m going through the motions..& I was not able to hold on to my own “tasks” that are important for me. I even asked my counselor about it. Her reply was not memorable! Denise’s explanation was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Giving so much that there TRULY IS NOTHING LEFT. AND.. there are so many ways to fill our minds with actual BEAUTIFUL & AMAZING thoughts! Wow! I like several of the suggestions. AND... Why go down the scary “what if” roads in our head? How about go with the POSSIBILITIES OF AN AMAZING FUTURE!? Dr Natali- I loved the reference to alternative guides that some might find too “out there”! They aren’t too OUT THERE for me. We are living in a bizarre tiny little world that is upside down every day. Nobody planned this for our lives. I’m ready for laying my head on the pillow with that FANTASY VISION..& all the possibilities. It’s certainly not going to hurt us. (Worry on the pillow every night definitely is not working!) I’m gonna look in the comments and see if you posted the name of the author for that other book too! I’m very excited to get Denise’s book. Thankful that I found your interview! Ps. Thank you both for explaining palliative vs hospice.. and actually making a PLAN. I hadn’t seen the video ..& probably wouldn’t even have done a search because I didn’t understand the benefits of palliative care starting much sooner than I would have guessed. Bravo to you both!

My wife has had Dementia for over 5 years now I am her main and only caregiver I am her husband of 39 years and she is way past mid-stage dementia she has all the signs, and issues that go with Dementia she was diagnosed over five years ago. Our road has been a long and tough one like we all have had to go through with. In closing one issue among many that really get's to me big time is watching my wife go away in front of me and as of late it is going very fast she was 58 when she was offically diagnosed and today she is 64 and it is changing very fast sometimes I feel like at times it's weekly, not monthly now. Thank You Again This Is My First Post This Is Wonderful!!!!!! God Bless "Ken"

@DementiaCareblazers

3 жыл бұрын

Hi Ken, Thank you for taking the time to share your experience with us. I hope these videos help you in this challenging journey with your wife and I hope you are finding some good support along the way.

Honestly you don’t even have to be a caregiver for someone with dementia, the general life advice from this channel is wonderful! Thank you. ❤️ To all the folks out there who are careblazers, stay strong, hang in there, you got this. 💪

A woman, who was in the nursing home of my mother-in-law, walked around all day saying “What next, what next?” Now that I am taking care of my husband, I understand her.😊

Natali, I have just stumbled across your channel and wish I'd had it as a resource 15 years ago when I was caring (not very well) for my dear mother when she was 86 up until she passed away at the age of 91 in 2011. It was such a traumatic experience that I still haven;t recovered from. I'm constantly reliving it and am filled with guilt. Watching some of your videos only confirms that I didn't manage the situation well at all. I wish I could turn back the clock.

@DementiaCareblazers

3 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear you struggled in caring for your mother. Caregiving is NOT easy, something you have experienced first hand. I hope you can find it in yourself to show yourself some grace. We can all only do the best we can with the resources we have available at the time. You cared for your mother for 5 years, you ARE a Careblazer.

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

Hi -- I’m so glad you posted! Please remember that the information and support available ten-plus years ago was very different than what’s available today. It was a very different time before we had wonderful platforms like this. Using information today to judge what you did a decade ago isn’t a fair benchmark. Caregiving is a really painful situation for two people which makes it so hard! I’ve learned that I can’t redo what was but I can use what I’ve learned to transform this moment. If I was impatient with my dad yesterday, I can be patient with myself today because I understand how harmful my impatience is. You also can visualize a visit with your mom. Imagine sitting with her and holding her hand, just being together in love and compassion. I imagine your mom already knows you did everything possible with everything you had. It’s okay for you to forgive yourself. You have a life right now and you deserve to live it.

@cheryl9032

3 жыл бұрын

Don’t feel guilty! Guilt means that you did something wrong, you did your care without this (&other resources). Instead… Regret that you didn’t know a better way, regret that you may have made different choices, etc. We can’t change what was. I regret some of the things I’ve said or done with my 2 loved ones, and will probably have more regrets before I’m done with this chapter of my life. I’m still trying to master replacing some guilt with regret. Would your mother think that you should feel guilty? Probably Not ❤️

Family members who don't get it can't be with us during the pain. This is very true and very painful. I have a brother who doesn't get it. He accused me of caring more about my Dad's caregivers than my Dad, because of how well I treat them. (He treats them more like lazy employees.) I treat them well because I so appreciate what they do for my Dad and because they have been a huge source of support for me, just by talking about what is going on with him, sharing laughs at the funny parts and the sense of loss as he declines.

THANK YOU !!! I am so glad I saw this video. My husband is pretty far along with his Dementia. When you mentioned-thinking positive-thoughts a light bulb went off in my brain. I will definitely give this exercise a try. My glass is always 1/2 full but does occasionally go below the line. I am a positive person who is totally worn down in body,mind and spirit. I need to get help from my family but I have such difficulty asking for help. I am the peacemaker and do for others but can’t ask for myself. Thank you, can’t wait to get your book 📕

I enjoy your caregiving videos. I appreciate that you acknowledge that others have good advice also. Keep up the good work.

Mahalo nui Natali and Denise! Great ideas, thoughts, suggestions, empathy and support! I'm proud to say that my husband has noticed my change of attitude and energy since becoming a Careblazer student. hooray. ..... carry on!

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you, Janet!! Love that you blaze a loving trail for you and your husband.

@lynylcullen8370

3 жыл бұрын

Wonderful! Clearly OUR OWN ATTITUDE can transform the experience! Even when my mom doesn’t SAY words of encouragement I can see a change in HER! It’s magical to at least have some joy in these days that can feel overwhelming! ♥️

I have never. Heard so much real knowledge about this! I will be watching every chance I get.

@DementiaCareblazers

Жыл бұрын

I appreciate that

I had a dentist appt and it was a break from caring for my mom and dad today. So I took the morning and had a half a day of a break before my appointment. After running an errand I went over to my folks house for care in the evening. Some way I hate going to the dentist but I felt that wait I am taking care of me and it made be happy. What a change in how I think about something.

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

So glad your thoughts helped you embrace your self-care. What will you do next for yourself?

@moonstruck581

3 жыл бұрын

Eye exam and checking off the basics, so I can take better care of my mom.

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

@@moonstruck581 You’re also giving yourself peace of mind because you can cross the worries about these appointments off your list. I think it’s so empowering to take care of these appointments because it’s about how much you matter.

💚 training is the key to resilience.👍 Stay💪 & 🙏

I honestly thought that “compassion fatigue” meant toward our LOWD. I feel like I take the time for self care, yet it never really refuels me enough to do my caregiving tasks with compassion.

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

I think compassion fatigue applies to both our caree and ourselves. I have found it helpful to consider what’s really wearing me out so I can put in a specific solution to heal that fatigue. The more specific I can get, the more specific my solution. Sometimes, just naming the fatigue (“I’m so tired of making decisions”) then I can focus on finding what can help heal the decision fatigue.

@lynylcullen8370

3 жыл бұрын

@@caringourway - Amazing suggestions! Loved the video..& the REMINDER to be specific and give a name to the feeling (in our journal or in our support group) & BE AWARE of what is dragging us down & running our tank out of gas! Beautiful! Can’t wait to read the book!

@lynylcullen8370

3 жыл бұрын

@@caringourway - “specific solution to heal..” COULD THERE BE ANY MORE SOOTHING WORDS!?

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

@@lynylcullen8370 I am so glad you found the video helpful! I think just giving ourselves a few moments to name what’s depleting us can be so helpful. If we can name the problem, we can find the solution. I’m grateful we’ve connected!

An extremely insightful and helpful video. Thank you both for the wonderful suggestions and concrete ideas I can use every day AND especially when I'm falling asleep. That is a time when my brain races. I will now guide its racing!

@DementiaCareblazers

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, Marie! I wish you peace as you fall asleep.

This was SO SO good! I wish I had written what you said about the human souls capacity to love and care.. it made me cry! I will be trying some of these tips!

@DementiaCareblazers

3 жыл бұрын

I am so glad you related to it and happy to hear you will try some of these tips!

@lynylcullen8370

3 жыл бұрын

@ToLiveinspired- AGREE! Loads of amazing insights in this interview! I’m watching it again..& have my journal out & pushing pause and rewind every few minutes! And I might have to watch it all over again tomorrow. This is one of those videos which will be excellent as a “How To” which will restore us during each low period. (Cuz you know our tank is gonna get near empty again!)

Thank you again for sharing. It is so encouraging and helps us see the heart of the matter. Looking forward to a good future and also being in the present for my loved one. We are in a good place.

Caregivers, while you do so much for the person that is put into your care, pls dont neglect yourself. Pls make time to celebrate your life too. Practice 'TIMEOUT'.

Thank you again

Thank you!

I feel exactly like this. My husband is 59 1/2. I am 50. I am at a loss of what to do with my life. Losses everyday. Tired and not enjoying my life ☹️

@wandalanders8700

3 жыл бұрын

I understand what you are going through... it is so hard ! I wish you all the best.

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

The daily grief is exhausting. The intensity of the grief can make it so hard to see beyond the pain. I think just the loss of having an enjoyable life is crushing! You’re in the middle -- of your life, of caregiving, of a really hard situation. Sometimes, the middle is the just the worst when we can’t see our clear path forward. I’m grateful you shared and that we connected.

@suziquestionable2845

3 жыл бұрын

Ditto. I used to enjoy activities, like playing my piano, going for long walks, playing cards with the residents in my independant living facility, but l find myself sometimes not even wanting to get up in the morning, staying in bed most of the day, I never thought l would get depressed, thinking it was a weakness, but circumstances in one's life change this pattern. Hopefully, l'll find someone in my residence who l can talk to and hopefully enjoy walks with. Time will tell. Mean well, l'll try to escape this depression that l feel.

@suziquestionable2845

3 жыл бұрын

You are only 50, and l am 80, going through the same thing. We are in this together, and thanks to Natalie Edmonds videos, she'll help us.

Thank you

I'm going through the unthinkable the heartache 💔 the isolation from your life your family your friends can't take care of myself....the beating i take.. my mind feels like I'm overwhelmed had to move with my mom cause my boyfriend wanted out for almost three years feeling abandoned by everyone...trying so so hard to be what my mom needs..my life is over the time the peace ...losing myself...I'm at a lost no one wants to help...all alone thats me crying and feeling lost...

@lynylcullen8370

3 жыл бұрын

I’ve become very isolated also. And I struggle with feeling abandoned because not even my family members want to listen to the hard and painful experiences. Now they have completely shut me out. So much for “family”! I’ve found the CareBlazers FB group a huge help. Have you checked it out?

@phoenixrising3338

3 жыл бұрын

@@lynylcullen8370 No I haven't but I will check it out sometimes its nice to know your not alone ....thank you

I visit my husband whose Alzheimer's has progressed dramatically over the past few years. I am with him, usually once a week for most of the day. He knows me but his general reasoning is very confused. He sometimes looks forward to my visits, unless he is sound asleep when l arrive at his care centre.Visiting my husband, who has Alzheimer's has changed my life in the worst way, but it's the way it is, and like it or not, l must accept it and try to make the best of the situation.

@caringourway

3 жыл бұрын

It is the worst. It’s a sad, devastating situation for both of you. Thank you for your kindness here and for your husband. Your kind of kindness really and truly matters.

Awesome video👍 I realize now I have Compassion Fatigue 😢

Guilt, loss of future, who takes care of me? Depression anxiety , doubt if your doing your best, unintended disrespect from the one you’re caring for 😢

Does palliative care provide prescription drugs like if they are on treatment for blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease?

@DementiaCareblazers

Жыл бұрын

People on palliative care can take any type of drugs for their medical conditions. Either the palliative physician or the other physicians treating the conditions will prescribe.

God outs us where we are needed…whether we want to be there or not 😘

I do not see any link!

Do caregivers feel anger and impatience?

@SilverSparkles22

2 жыл бұрын

I do, especially when I get emotional abuse

Can we start a chat so we can talk to each other?

@DementiaCareblazers

3 жыл бұрын

If you are looking to talk with other caregivers managing similar situations, you may find my FB group helpful. It is a place for caregivers to share their journeys and offer and receive support: facebook.com/groups/dementiacareblazers/

@lynylcullen8370

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! The Facebook group has been an amazing place to chat and express our challenges and get to know others who are very kind and have genuine empathy. I’ve found it a huge comfort.

It’s when you have no more to give. Yes, it’s like your life is over.

So your answer to compassion fatigue is to talk to someone?! This was no help. Husband is in stage 6, can't afford help or a caregiver, it's just me, 3 years now. Drinking a glass of water, really? I drink water all day long, doesn't help. Sorry but I got zero encouragement from this.

@kellydivine6648

3 жыл бұрын

Shari, I called my mom's insurance and I am going to get help and insurance is going to pay for it. A caregiver for 40 hours a month will be a great help. You should call and see if your insurance has anything that can help you. Good luck.

@cindypatrick785

3 жыл бұрын

I went back to journaling again and it has helped me to be more patient w dad. I write about the things that cause me frustration. I also had a camera system named Blink installed inside & outside of dad’s trailer so I can monitor what he is doing without having to go out there. That has been a relief, while he can still manage being alone for short periods of time.

@kellydivine6648

3 жыл бұрын

@@cindypatrick785 I am going to start journaling...it always helps. Thank you Cindy

@pickledbread2036

3 жыл бұрын

I understand. I'm a single mom to 2 kids and now my mom too. She's at stages 5 & 6. We're low income and our insurance only covers a certain amount of days in the hospital/care center. We live in such a small town there aren't really any programs that come to help you in home. I have no family able or willing to help. I'm drowning and so many people think oh well if you just do this and that it'll work out. I have zero support and I know I'm not the only one. There is a lot of good advice on this channel but talking to someone hasn't helped me much or provided any other avenues to finding some help.

@mariahaggman7027

3 жыл бұрын

Shari, I feel your anger and despair. (Been there, done that.) Can you pick out one thought that gives you relief? I sat in the basement where it is cold, dark and silent and focused on my thought. After about 5-10 minutes I could return to the world again. I found new thoughts and did this nearly every day for months and it helped me to survive the worst stages of my fatigue until I could deal with my feelings again. Could that work for you?