Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps: 00:00 The Modern Mental Health Crisis 05:21 Are Therapists the Problem? 08:53 Do We Just Need to Connect to Our Feelings More? 14:39 Does Therapy Make Mental Health Worse? 22:17 Gen-Z Are Learning to Be Avoidant 27:31 Finding a Sweet Spot With Therapy 33:27 The Paradox in Depression Treatment 37:47 Therapy Culture Vs Bad Therapy 43:19 Are Smartphones & Climate Change to Blame? 51:23 The Impact of Single-Parent Households 55:04 Schools Making Parents Into Enemies 1:01:28 Overuse of the Word ‘Trauma’ 1:05:57 Is Mindfulness a Better Way? 1:14:34 Kids Are Too Over-Medicated 1:19:31 A Better Way Forward 1:23:35 Where to Find Abigail

@nevergiveup5939

15 күн бұрын

Why are we here in this life? Why do we die? What will happen to us after death?

@Jules-Is-a-Guy

15 күн бұрын

Hey Chris, your frequent reference to, and sociological exploration of the internal vs. external locus of control, is incredibly interesting to me. Myers Briggs is basically a dumb, flawed questionnaire, but I suggest you go all the way back to Jung's original, brilliant (albeit technically unproven) early cognitive theory, and examine in detail. Jung would probably have said, for extraverts, the internal locus of control involves the repression of the introverted inferior function, and its content varies depending on the personality type.

@elsbells.

15 күн бұрын

Been waiting for this to drop! Sure it will be good.

@BerhanuDemeke-ht7ze

15 күн бұрын

Her central point is valid but she goes overboard. The lack of agency people experience these days is well documented by serious scholars like Charles Taylor, Noam Chomsky, Alasdair McIntyre and the Trump phenomenon itself is justifiably analyzed in terms of the lack of agency. And she couldn't even explain her claim about the 40%.

@peterbelanger4094

15 күн бұрын

The kids, the kids, the kids, the kids.. It's always alll about the kids. how about the mental health of older generations? or are we all trying to pretend we have it all together? there a TON of denial in Gen X. maybe if the adults address their problems, things will get better for the kids? maybe people are just diverting from their own problems by putting all the focus on the kids? Who are these kids parents? huh? yeah like they are all ok? gen x .... ok? ... lol. I am one, I know.

'Stop obsessing about their happiness. Start focusing on their strength.' And there it is.

I have been fully immersed in this therapeutic nightmare with my two very hyperactive boys. One boy was kicked out of a preschool, and I was told to get him play therapy. We tried it, and we also tried a few of the therapeutic like parents coaching intensives. Some of these ideas work, some don't, and most make parenting feel exhausting. We stopped all this. Removed every screen in our home that was accessible to them, told them to go outside, setup rules and boundaries we enforce for proper behavior at, for example, the dinner table. Sometimes, they are still energetic and crazy, but our lives are all much less stressful. The meltdowns are now infrequent, they can sit quietly at the dinner table to eat. They play with toys. After reading Abigail's book, I had my older boy (the one who was kicked out of pre-school) order from the meat counter and check out. We are planning to have him get some groceries this summer when we have a planned vacation. Expectations, no screens, and time outdoors playing mostly unsupervised in our yard has been a God send for our sanity.

@Pozywny

14 күн бұрын

this is pretty much what therapists recommend you do nowadays btw

@Barbato13

13 күн бұрын

Excellent work 🙌🏼 keep it up(:

@helenbeach5581

13 күн бұрын

Great to hear from a parent who parents positively, as you just related in your comment. 👍

@celinenaville

11 күн бұрын

Bravo! Thank you for using common sense and instinct to save your boys. ❤

@dxfifa

10 күн бұрын

Sounds like me me me parenting. Authoritarian dictator parents who care more about the child being easy than being themselves are what created the whole societal mess by screwing up the boomers and gen X, then gen X rejected parenting entirely in favour of the state.

I saw a psychologist for 2 years and she kept me a victim. I left her a found a new family counselor and was able to work through my trauma and issues within 6 months. She gave me tools to not dwell on my trauma. I am so thankful.

I’m a social worker who works with children and adolescents and the most common thing that I see that is causing issues is fatherlessness. 90%+ of the kids that I see (if I were to guess) don’t have a father, or their father is abusive. They are labeled with oppositional defiant disorder and/or ADHD when in reality, they are not given the care, patience, attention, etc. that they need from a father. ODD is a dumb diagnosis, in my opinion, because it labels the kid as ‘bad kid’ when the truth is that they are a stressed/scared/attention-starved kid. I’ve never met a kid labeled with ODD that had a solid parental foundation.

@1CuriousMuse

15 күн бұрын

I suspect oppositional defiant disorder is the childhood/adolescent presentation of obsessive compulsive personality disorder in a cohort of kids with an ODD diagnosis. OCPD is supposedly the most common personality disorder, but generally affected people don't seek treatment/therapy unless they develop anxiety or depression. We know two young men from intact families with attentive fathers who had behavior problems consistent with ODD, and one was given an ODD diagnosis while the other was given a less stigmatizing Aspergers diagnosis when they were kids. Guess what they had in common: their mothers were physicians which is a profession people with OCPD are over represented in. Both young men are bright and have done well in school. The less sheltered of the two is now an engineer and has done fine socially too. The more sheltered one is presently getting his engineering degree but is struggling socially.

@ms-jl6dl

14 күн бұрын

I'm not sure that their mothers are that perfect as you imply. They have A LOT to do both with the divorces and with the children's poor development. Absence of fathers can also be just a symptom of narcissistic,borderline mothers who destroy everything around them but get favourable treatment from the family courts to the detriment of children. It has been established that children raised by single fathers have none of those problems and are doing much better through life.

@crazyman2188

14 күн бұрын

Most of the time I have seen is the lack of a father or even the lack of a safe father have lead to ADHD due to a constant stress of looking for safety in a place that isn't. Me and my closest friends have the diagnosis and there is no question based on how we struggle but I think what people aren't thinking about is a disorder is something you live with it isn't who you are or something to use as validation. I find my ADHD as a challenge to overcome and to learn as much about my upbringing and how that has affected me to find out how I should treat my kids one day to make sure they don't have to go through the same pain. Plus it gives me the ability to talk to people similar to me to where whatever I find that helps me can possibly help them. It's all in the mindset and the environment you are in. If there is one thing i can recommend to people more than anything is find someone you can trust and humble yourself to ask them to help you in keeping yourself on track. For example I know I am very distracted when it comes to my morning routine and so I have a friend that keeps me on a specific schedule that I have laid out when I am thinking productively and it's basic stuff like getting up at a specific time each day even on your off days and getting some exercise in each morning and stuff like that. You have to know where your weak points are before you can work on them. I'm sure there are flaws to my thinking that I will come to find down the line but it's better than the alternative of suffering pointlessly. Back to original point Saying all of that, a mother that isn't safe either will make it even worse. Every one if my friends who has it has mothers that are distant and cold. They act like they are warm and loving but the connection is never there and it leaves kids wondering if connection even exists. I think I was lucky sense my first relationship I had even though it failed gave me that look into what a possible connection can look like. I think everything has allowed me to look at people for who they are instead of what they are showing me or anyone else.

@BlakeElliott35

14 күн бұрын

And… You’re just allowing these kids to be falsely labeled and drugged? If our social workers are identifying root causes of problems, but doing nothing positive or constructive after identifying the problem, then… All we’re doing is making big pharma more money by branding (thus, dooming) our most vulnerable to a label and societal stigma they’ll never recover from… They’ll be so brainwashed and drug-dependent… Like slaves… and, then we truly are doomed. 😢

@wumbomaster1395

14 күн бұрын

@@ms-jl6dl I’m not implying that. I have a few problematic mothers on my caseload, for sure.

I believe Abigal is spot on when she says that everything is anxiety now. Younger adults and teens have been so pathologized and sheltered that many cannot deal with the basics of social interaction. Uncomfortable feelings like nervousness, embarrassment, etc. are very important to make you resilient.

@Moshm4n

15 күн бұрын

There's a misfaming happening when people go and imply, "Anxiety bad." No particular feeling is good or bad. Different feelings indicate different things and drive behaviors thereafter. They're like indicator lights on a car's dashboard. They're there to provide information that you can take and act on. The problem when people talk about emotions is assigning values to them rather than looking at them as data points. It's that attitude that springs forth the types of attitudes that tell men to be unfeeling robots, or cry and soy-out over every inconvenience. It's stupid to ignore a lit check engine light. It's also stupid to sit there and stare at a check engine light frantically. No, you get up and fix the problem. The same is true for "positive" emotions. They're telling you that something is going right and to keep plugging away. That's also important information.

@theredknight9314

15 күн бұрын

Cute pfp lol

@mrroboto18

15 күн бұрын

I had a first meeting with a therapist who asked how I was feeling at the beginning and I mentioned I had some anxiety. Later in his notes I saw he wrote that I had an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. I don't, I was anxious about having to discuss the worst aspects of my life with a stranger. Anxiety is a normal response to that situation, it seems far weirder to not be a little anxious in that moment.

@brianmeen2158

15 күн бұрын

Yes I notice more and more posts from younger people that are putting so much energy into trying to avoid any and all discomfort .. I find that to be troubling - growing up all of us realized we might crash our bike on a hard jump or get rejected when we approached a girl . We accepted it as part of the overall experience and nothing to be avoided.. young people these days want to avoid anything that might be discomforting

@BWater-yq3jx

15 күн бұрын

Yes, all emotions serve a purpose, including the ones perceived as negative; whether it's to alert you to something that needs attention - maybe you're embarrassed or ashamed because your behaviour is socially unacceptable. Or for example - to overcome fear and spur you to action... such as with anger.

@ChrisWillX I love your pod, but today's episode illustrates pretty clearly you don't have a kid in the public school system. Imagine this: - You have a high school kid whose parents were divorced a decade ago when he was tiny - He's fine, the parents get along, custody is all worked out, and life is pretty normal - But at the start of every school year, a school therapist passes around a mandatory questionnaire - On it, kids are asked if they have divorce in their life, if a family member or pet has ever died, and so on - If the kid answers truthfully (yup, parents are divorced), he is placed in "trauma group" - "Trauma group" meets once a week on a mandatory basis to help kids to "integrate their feelings" - They are pulled out of the activities/classes the other kids get to do so that they can attend "trauma group" - Everyone else knows they are in "trauma group" - In weekly "trauma group," they are asked to reveal their feelings about their trauma (i.e. the divorce a decade ago) - Every week, they must emote about it - When our kid emotes, he leaves feeling worse, and it's really the only time he thinks about the divorce any longer, he'd just as soon move on - If our kid fails to emote in "trauma group," it's taken as repression / failure to integrate, and he's referred to individual therapy - If he finally says he's had it up to here and refuses to talk about the divorce week after week for a decade, he's referred to individual therapy for anger management - If at the start he lies on the questionnaire and says nope, no divorce, but staff know, it's seen as a reason to be referred for therapy (avoidance! denial!) The rest of the time the kid is fine. But "trauma group" forces him to re-live his parents divorce weekly, years after it happened, and to emote, even when it's fake and he doesn't feel like it, and marks him as a "trauma survivor," both to himself and to his peers, and at the same time *separates him* from his peers regularly to do this "trauma stuff." And all the kid wants is to move on. But as the school therapist has told his parents, it's important that he learn to "express and integrate his emotions" and "not repress things" and so on. Do you see the problem now? He didn't really mind when the kindergarten counselor talked to him when his parents got divorced all those years ago. But after 10 years of having to cry about it weekly and being labeled a "trauma survivor" in public over and over again about something he now feels is totally normal, he is frustrated beyond belief. This is child abuse, carried out by the same people, of the same mindset, who are driving a whole bunch of activism on a whole bunch of issues. It's a kind of middle-class, largely white, largely female "saviorism" that comes originally from a kind of nurturing instinct but long ago turned into devouring people whole as it's form of nurturing.

@Ochtone

15 күн бұрын

This is a good comment. Tl:dr kids are being forced to repeatedly relive issues they’ve already dealt with and it unsurprisingly damages them. If they are wise and try to get out of it, they are referred to anger management or therapy for lying / denial.

@LordHerek

14 күн бұрын

it this actually something that's common in schools in USA?

@AronHsiao

14 күн бұрын

@@LordHerek In my experience, yes, and not just schools. You see, there are two deep-seated fears in the culture: school shooters and teen suicide, and the presumption is that both can be prevented by enough therapy applied in the right places-because these kids "so badly need our empathy and caring and help, etc." and "have been failed over and over again by everyone" and so on. Note some of the other comments on this video using the common language that we as a society are in the midst of a "mental health crisis" among young people, etc. So every time another incident happens, one of the threads of discourse is "damn, still not getting them enough therapy... when will we learn that they need more therapy?" And there is a general part of the zeitgeist that insists that we "therapize" the kids early and often to "prevent tragedy." Physicians will blithely mention to "possibly consider therapy" after a broken ankle, coaches will mention in passing that "maybe even some therapy I don't know" is needed after a few hard losses, parents will ask other parents in stern tones about whether a child is in therapy if there is a disagreement or incident at school, etc. Lots of developmental stuff that used to be normal is now culturally marked "eliminate if possible with therapy." Doesn't seem to be working, but as a society, we don't seem to learn very quickly any longer. I actually suspect that one of the things causing the crisis is too much "therapy" style interaction and not enough suggestion that dealing with the bad is just a part of life. The other thing causing the crisis (and probably the bigger part) is the disappearance of real human relationships from kids lives (often to be replaced by therapy...) Two parents has given way to one parent, older mentors in the community have been eliminated as "creepy," and time that was once spent roaming the neighborhood independently with friends is now spent at home in solitude using technology, because the old model was "unsafe." For some kids, it seems that their school counselor, therapist, etc. is their primary relationship in life.

@Bertinator-nm9ld

14 күн бұрын

​​@@LordHerekI don't think so.... Certainly there are some weird schools out there some weird things, but I would be very surprised if it were the norm. A lot of schools barely have the resources to adequately do their two primary jobs of teaching the students and babysitting. I think another large factor at play is that this has become a battleground in the culture wars. A lot of people exaggerate how common the extreme examples of bad schooling are, in their war to defeat the Left, in this case. The Left does the same exaggeration of issues back to the right, but on other issues. So keep in mind that politics distorts reality on a lot of these issues!

@JSiracusan

14 күн бұрын

I think Chris was just pointing to the millennial symptoms, as she accurately pointed out. The millennials or earlier tended to repress. I know I did and then it all came out when my own marriage was falling apart, just as my parents' did. So there is a lot at play here. that same kid in high school, doesn't want to hear it developmentally now may re-create the same situation in his own marriage down the line because of the unconscious patterns he unknowingly has... however, getting him to emote more and more, may not help either. emoting only helps in combination with taking accountability and responsibility... and therapy doesn't encourage that necessarily. I had to go to coaching for that. So idk, this is all of the above. Trauma is a bad label because all those are potential character builders... honestly. We've over-rotated. I think this was a good episode today honestly...

I have been a teacher for 17 years. The coddling and validating of emotional Dysregulation is wild. I have watched kids cry because of the high expectations (going to all their classes). It’s a sad waste of potential.

@Being_Bohemian

14 күн бұрын

Am in my late 40s and, like many, I studied hard all my way through schooling and university until age 22, when I graduated. I'd cry if I had to return to school; I'd cry if I was once again forced - by law - to 'learn' boxed-up subjects I had no interest in, in a stifling environment, all to an arbitrary and ridiculously intense schedule that I had absolutely no say in. John Taylor Gatto and Dr Peter Gray (at Freedom to Learn, Psychology Today), amongst hundreds of other researchers and writers, offer powerful, valid and alternative reasons for why children and teens are dangerously stressed-out with school, and why the suicide rate in teens is through the roof (see Peter Gray's relatively recent posts). Adults forget what it was like - even before curricula became absurdly jam-packed and dry (certainly here in the UK) - and everyone has been brainwashed into believing there is no better way: there is.

@dani7190

14 күн бұрын

@lisav6583 Do your students respect you more or less based on your approach of not validating emotional dysregulation? Also, God bless you for holding kids accountable to their responsibility to learn.

@ebert8756

7 күн бұрын

​I too have been thinking about the role of curriculum changes in our students behavior issues 🤔. (California teacher) And I also agree with almost everything shrier says in this interview. I think she's very clear and on point .

Chris, good to see you pushing back gently when you disagree with stuff... I know you have been working on this and I notice the progress over the years.

@coffeeandgrind

13 күн бұрын

are you his therapist?? LOL jk

@ChelleyMadison

13 күн бұрын

@@coffeeandgrind I was a psych major, so maybe.

@jennajewert

8 күн бұрын

Agree

@catramax

2 күн бұрын

@@ChelleyMadison OK from one psych major to another, I’m with you on this. In general, I am very skeptical of what this ladies saying. Such broad stroke statements with no expertise. I agree with some things but she’s constantly contradicting literature I’ve read, it’s concerning

Teaching people they are sick, unwell, not enough, whatever is gaslighting. Teaching someone that he is less than he is or could be is wrong. We can`t even comprehend how much damage it causes to soul and consequently to body itself.

@SubBassX

15 күн бұрын

Sure, but also telling someone who has a real issue that they are completely typical is also gaslighting. Knowing what your issue is can help you seek treatment and get past whatever that is.

@zebedeesummers4413

14 күн бұрын

@@SubBassX why tell them what experience they are having at all? I would think it is best to make sure they know they can tell you. I can tell you that anytime I've had someone in my life asking how I'm doing very often it makes me life worse. If I was doing well I'm taken out of it, if I'm having a bad time I'm forced to focus on it and either bring another person down or hide it. If a kid falls and their parent gasps and asks if they are okay, the kid the very likely to cry even if they are fine. If a kid got hurt and tell them they are fine we are making it worse, so we might as well just not intervene until the kid is clearly in serious danger or ASKS for help. From where I am at you are both at fairly extreme ends of the spectrum when in most normal scenarios saying nothing to the child about feeling is best. Why do we need to put our expectations on them when we can just wait and see how they are doing?

@SubBassX

14 күн бұрын

@@zebedeesummers4413 The problem that you are going to run into is that kids don't always have words to explain how they are feeling, and they don't always expect that things they are feeling are "normal." I think a healthy medium is definitely necessary, but for example, there are studies which show that kids who are educated about sexuality at a young age are less likely to be sexually assaulted, because they know how to communicate these terms to adults and get help. This same logic applies to many other pathologies, it's hard to get help when no one around you is even acting like you might have a problem.

Finally, a podcast that wasn't brought to me by Betterhelp

I work at a high school and I agree 1000% with Abigail. Kids these days can’t deal with normal life and normal developmental challenges.

@LongerThanAverageUsername

14 күн бұрын

Because adults these days suck at being parents and teachers. Kids don’t just pull those abilities out of thin air.

@Bertinator-nm9ld

14 күн бұрын

I don't know if you can lay that at the feet of therapists, though. You have to lay a lot of the blame on that for the internet and social media replacing real life interactions/experiences.

@Bertinator-nm9ld

14 күн бұрын

​@@LongerThanAverageUsernameTrue! Though adults have always kinda sucked at being parents. That isn't a new problem. In the past you just drowned problems out with alcohol, though

@dani7190

14 күн бұрын

​@@Bertinator-nm9ld Kids get put on psychiatric drugs most often by the pediatrician or through a direct referral from the PCP to a psychiatrist. Classroom teachers are teaching about gender and "feelings" instead of teaching academic material. Universal school choice would solve 50% of this problem in my opinion.

@Bertinator-nm9ld

14 күн бұрын

@@dani7190 Over prescription of drugs is a very real issue. It's an issue with regular drugs, too. But that's kinda tangential, and I fail to see how that would be fixed by universal school choice. Pediatricians are usually external to schools, right?

I've been saying this for 25 years! When I was a teenager they started advertising medications on tv, then all of a sudden all my friends and schoolmates were being diagnosed left and right with anxiety, depression, ADHD, you name it. I knew it wasn't them though, it was the doctors and medical establishment convincing people they were ill when they actually weren't. I'm glad this conversation is happening now. It sickens me to see the overmedicated population we've become

@SarahPerine

13 күн бұрын

I totally agree and that’s been my experience but I don’t agree with what she says about talk therapy. Two completely different things. Letting people talk and learn it’s okay to talk about feelings is healthy. Too many pharmaceuticals are not!!

My 9 year old son has very significant ADHD. He doesn't really have "behavior problems" but his executive functioning is very impacted. He can not stay still at all. It's like he's crawling out of his skin all the time. He can't focus on one thing for more than a minute or two. He has a lot of difficulty keeping himself and his thoughts organized, etc. Regular therapy doesn't work for him at all. He has to sit still, focus on the therapist and talk to her. He just doesn't have the ability to stay focused long enough for it to be productive. We are lucky to have access to adventure therapy in our area. They do all kinds of adventure activities out in the middle of a forested area. They have ziplining, rock climbing, high ropes courses, fishing, kayaking, fort building. The focus isn't on feelings, but being outside in the fresh air with other kids completing psychically and mentally challenging tasks, and learning to deal with what comes along with those challenges. It's been great at building social skills, confidence, self-esteem, agency, making friends, working in teams, etc. When she mentioned how kids should be outside, running around and socializing with other kids, it just brought to mind how great this switch away from talk therapy has been for him.

@tiroles

15 күн бұрын

THIS. I would just not call it therapy. Just Adventure.

@consciouscrypto3090

14 күн бұрын

So basically he's poorly adapted for working in a cubicle someday, but highly adapted for building an edifice, winning a war, or rescuing someone in danger. You've wound up with a boy who will one day be a man. Congratulations.

@blackmateo9583

14 күн бұрын

@@consciouscrypto3090 I agree. Some kids are born natural explorers. They are more active, more curious, and often their attention is drawn to new things. Kids like that once grew up to pave the way forward for the world, exploring unexplored lands, building unique things, leading and organizing where others do not have that innate ability to jump from one thing to the next and learn outside of their comfort zone. If I were to wager, if OP continues down this path and doesnt let him fall into the public school pathology and cubicle structured mentality, he will grow to do exceptional things regardless of what people surrounding him say, so long as his innate “explorer” mentality is supported.

@saracorbin1152

14 күн бұрын

I hope you haven't let anyone talk you into solving it with pills.

@grannyannie2948

14 күн бұрын

One of my gkids was 9 his young teacher started throwing ADHD around about him. The headmaster thought about it and arranged for him to do some woodwork classes in the highschool. Using tools, taking pride in making beautiful things, and having a male teacher, turned out to be all he needed. This year his teacher is in her fifties and he's doing fine. I wonder how much of ADHD is just normal behaviour for boys. When you read literature of boys over the last couple of centuries, they are not sitting around paying attention, they are involved in adventure, they are busy and active.

When it comes to understanding feelings and emotions, I think that reading good books (fiction) is a good way to understand them.

@quotebrainiac2593

15 күн бұрын

Please explain. I'm curious.

@deltorojoeysativa1558

15 күн бұрын

Any old episode of Startrek , a storyline used to hook audiences before special effects. Dont be too curious , having 2 many options can be a problem.​@quotebrainiac2593

@danielfannin3757

15 күн бұрын

Think u may have missed a big point here

@vayu1302

15 күн бұрын

@@quotebrainiac2593 Music, fiction (books, films, tv shows), memoirs, poetry, etc. are different different mediums where life is explored. For instance, in The Shining the third part is called “The Wasp”. In the previous chapter you see that Jack Torrance is happier, as if he is getting better. However, after that chapter you see how a bad situation makes him start feeling as before: angry, victimized, disgusted, wary. It makes him think about the past. Maybe you have felt like him before, and you can see how his emotions have an impact in his actions. Maybe you have seen that in other people. And, maybe, it makes you better understand those feelings. How we explain ourselves why we are who we are. Therapy has its limits. I remember that Jorge Luis Borges said that therapy might not helped him get emotionally better, but it allowed him to feel less shy when he spoke publicly. But culture has an important role in helping us understand the myriad of emotions and consequences too.

@quotebrainiac2593

14 күн бұрын

@@vayu1302 ok, thank you.

Abigail Shrier is a lioness. One of the few (seemingly) American public intellectuals willing to research, and tell the truth about, not only trans mania, but the "therapeutic industrial complex" that's been a nightmare for Gen X, Millennials, and now, Gen Z.

Dialectical behavior therapy does well with exploring if the emotions are appropriate. It has part of if it fits the facts or not. When it does not, it will not be useful. Sad that Abigail said she has not received much from people about this until Chris brought it up. I am a therapist. I try to use modalities like CBT, DBT, REBT, schema therapy, ART, etc. I confront clients a lot on distortions in thinking. And a lot of cognitive reframing. And teaching them to understand and work with their emotions. Teaching them to disrupt rumination cycles and shift into reflection. Disrupting worry cycles and shifting more into concern. I know some colleagues who do. I know many who do not. I have clients who tell me they have had therapists that were good listeners but they did not get much else. Sad state of the field.

She is spot on. My parents split at 3. My dad remarried at 6. My brother decided to go live with my mom when I was in grade 6. In grade 9 the school counselor came to me to ask me how I felt about it all. By that time, I was way over it and didn't actually care, I moved on and yet she wanted me to talk about my feelings and how I should be affected. I told her it didn't bother me and I didn't need therapy I worked through it myself with some family. She was shocked and didn't know what to say, I told her I didn't need to talk to her again. I talk with my son and when he has emotions that don't match the situation I explain why he doesn't need to feel that way because it isn't the emotion that matches the situation. He understands and has for years. He is 9 now and is an amazing kid.

I love this woman!!! So refreshing.

It’s refreshing to hear someone say that lying is not nuance, without skipping a beat, or apologizing for it.

@gt6808

3 күн бұрын

But she’s suggesting downplaying the realities of how catastrophic climate change will be. Honesty isn’t highlighting one study which is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It seems that for her, lying is focusing on anything she doesn’t like.

@tomdivittis2688

3 күн бұрын

@@gt6808 the sky isn’t falling.

@gt6808

3 күн бұрын

@@tomdivittis2688 the evidence is fairly overwhelming. Wishful thinking isn’t going to cause any miracle

@tomdivittis2688

3 күн бұрын

@@gt6808 What do you do, specifically, to avoid adding to this catastrophe? This is a sincere question.

@gt6808

3 күн бұрын

@@tomdivittis2688 Place pressure on government to reduce emissions, spending more on transitioning to alternative fuel sources etc. It needs to be a lot of pressure as it is against the short term interests. Young people are aware of this and seem far more willing to make this a core issue compared to older demographics, which is why I think the so-called “alarmism” is necessary- and honest.

I appreciate the distinction between recognizing an emotion and assessing appropriateness of the emotion for the situation. The phrase "all emotions are valid" is particularly problematic for this reason.

@thepiccards2105

15 күн бұрын

Same here… I cannot agree more

@colinb8332

15 күн бұрын

All emotions are valid. Not all of them are useful.

@annoyingcommentator1582

15 күн бұрын

@@colinb8332 What do people even mean by that? In science, valid defines wether or not a means of assessing something actually is useful for assessing that thing. Emotions are notriously not valid in that sense. They fuck up our ability to assess reality way past what our other limitations in general do.

@monda111111

15 күн бұрын

Emotions are valid in that there are specific and logical reasons for why we have them and why they arise. It is also the case that they are maladaptive in some contexts which is why we can benefit from controlling/managing them

@dani7190

15 күн бұрын

@@monda111111 what about social contagion of emotions? Are they truly authentic or valid if a teenager experiences anger because he sees his favorite tik tok'er angry about a topic the teenager knows nothing about? Interesting to consider what a "valid emotion" is in the context of social media

I once worked as a manager on a team with a person in her late 20s who reported directly to me. I told my subordinate face-to-face that I was going on a business trip to Paris alone, since we didn't need both of us there, and I left her to handle the day-to-day operations and tasks in the office (this was more than a decade before Covid). She told me that she didn't know how to process her feelings of disappointment as I could see she was expecting to go on the business trip. The next day, while I was in the middle of a meeting with a business partner, my boss, the CEO in his early 30s, storms in and interrupts us saying, "Your staff came into my office crying," looking irritated. I thought, "Am I dealing with two supposedly professional adults with the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old?"

@LordHerek

14 күн бұрын

you didn't finish the story

@v9b23j

14 күн бұрын

@@LordHerek She ended up retaliating against me covertly in all kinds of ways, playing the victim, influencing people in higher ranks, colluding with HR, etc. I surmise she unconsciously projected her feelings and unmet expectations for her parent onto me (transference).

In 5 years people will start saying that therapy gave them trauma.

@samiphilosophy3949

7 күн бұрын

They are already saying that

Social emotional learning in schools actually teaches and encourages emotional disregulation and ruminating thought patterns which creates mental illness

@AronHsiao

14 күн бұрын

100% agree, as a parent I am not a fan.

@aaan5545

4 күн бұрын

​@@AronHsiao As a teacher who has been forced to teach this (with no training or background), I am not a fan!

She's right. I spent many years in Asia, then came back to the West. I never even knew what anxiety was until everyone around me said they have it. I would've been better off not knowing it was a thing, sometimes not knowing or recognizing something allows for a easy dis- attachment.

@LongerThanAverageUsername

14 күн бұрын

If I can’t see my flat tire, it doesn’t exist.

@ganjagangja

14 күн бұрын

@LongerThanAverageUsername a flat tyre needs fixing in order for you to keep moving forward. So it's a bad analogy.

@zebedeesummers4413

14 күн бұрын

@@LongerThanAverageUsername This is the core difference, a flat tire vs a car riding roughly. Not everyone can afford a Bentley and being reminded constantly won't help your cheap car ride smoother. I believe you are bringing up that there are two sides and there is a place where therapy helps and while I agree you've taken an extreme stance that it is hard to. This whole comment section lacks nuance. A flat tire is ridiculous example because no one needs a mechanic to tell them they have a flat and replacing one takes little more than a KZread video. On the other hand a check engine light might mean little to you or I but a mechanic with a reader can easily tell us that there will be a problem in within a few hundred miles if we don't address it or that we simply need an oil change and can be taught how to perform an oil change so things don't get bad over time. There is a place for Therapy just like a mechanic but we shouldn't be sending people to a mechanic because their pumper is scratched and telling them that there car is totaled is very unhelpful, especially if they believe you. Nor is it helpful if they tell you they have a flat and you tell them just keep driving of course.

@ebert8756

7 күн бұрын

I can relate to your experience. I am raised by stoic German mom. Dated a boy who had would rate his days. "I'm having a bad day." And , it's funny, cuz it never occurred to me that I could have a bad day. It got me thinking. "IS this a bad day? What makes it a bad day?" Before that I just experienced life as a series events, I think , that needed to be faced. Not good or bad , I guess sometimes hard sometimes fun sometimes sad sometimes happy, but not good or bad 🤔 I remember having my eyes opened by that weird statement " I am having a bad day." When the day had barely started . Like how do you know this is a bad day already? And I really appreciate my original world view now.

@LongerThanAverageUsername

7 күн бұрын

@@zebedeesummers4413 in your example, the issue isn’t therapy, it’s BAD therapy that’s the problem. If I become a therapist and just give you a mix of random questionable and straight bad advice, then it’s not therapy that’s the problem, it’s me and my advice. If you take your car in for a scratched bumper, a good and honest mechanic will tell you that everything else on your car is fine (if it actually is) and that you don’t need to do anything. A dishonest one will tell you that your car needs $30k worth of repairs.

I think one of the main problem is that therapy often doesn’t give people a lot of practical solutions, at least the kind that I’ve encountered. It’s all about coping mechanisms. Venting can be great at first, but if no solution is offered, it’s pointless. There is also a tendency to blame the individual instead of society. Many people who are diagnosed with depression may not have clinical depression; they may just have terrible lives. If a man is lonely, dissatisfied with his job, and trapped, then of course he’s going to feel depressed. People who have every reason to be content with life but still feel like jumping off a bridge may have clinical depression. That’s not most people, however.

@annoyingcommentator1582

15 күн бұрын

What exactly is wrong with America? I live in Germany. No innovation in psychology here. All imported from America. I never encountered that shit at university (to the contrary, psychology professors pointed out that dealing with emotions is far inferior to dealing with the problems that cause those emotions, most of the time, for your mental health) and never met somebody having such a form of therapy. What is the venting emotions "therapy" even called?

@brianmeen2158

15 күн бұрын

Good point. I have a friend that is 42 years old and has autism/anxiety. He has ok job but cannot attract women or keep friends. He’s never had a social life and is depressed due to it. How can anyone try and convince him to be happier when his life is shitty? And if his mental disorders keep him from improving his lot then what do you do?

@BWater-yq3jx

15 күн бұрын

The art is in determining where your emotional response sits on the continuum, and then dealing with that appropriately. Sometimes a situation needs to be rectified, sometimes you just need to chill out.

@Being_Bohemian

14 күн бұрын

You've hit the nail on the head here. 💯 agree.

@Being_Bohemian

14 күн бұрын

​@@BWater-yq3jxAbsolutely. And sometimes a bit of both is required!

Lean into the problem, face it head-on. Take responsibility, avoid assigning blame. It’s not your situation giving you issues, it’s how you’re choosing to perceive it. Maybe it’s unfair, maybe it’s cruel, maybe it’s out of your control. None of that matters, because dwelling on all the factors that make you a victim will not help you one bit. Accept your plight, and focus only on ways(big or small)that you can learn to become a fully capable wall of resilience. Nobody can do this for you, only you. Never stop searching for answers, tools, motivations ECT. The more you grow, the more the problems shrink. Before you know it, you may find you’ve forgotten about them to a degree, and power they had over greatly diminished. I did it, you can too. I believe in you.

@bobpickle769

10 күн бұрын

This is very good advice to everyone that does not genuinely have a psychopathology. But if you do have a psychopathology and don’t know it, this advice exacerbates the problem because genuinely not being able to do it while believing you should be able to destroys your faith in yourself and you more often fall victim to whatever that psychopathology is

Chris, you did a fantastic job in this interview: you pushed back much more than normal (welcomed and to good effect) and it became apparent that you were actively listening and understanding on the fly, rather than rebutting or letting her give a TedTalk. I agree that revisiting and ruminating on the past events isn't helpful, the old-school way of just going to work can in some instances be the best method for your mental health. Lots more could be said on the subject, but if people listen openly and reflect on what she's saying and their own experiences they will find that there's a tremendous amount of truth in what you're both saying. The problem seems to lie with the culture (school/ society) around young people (the future).

Having your feelings validated all the time , it’s just short term gratification. It’s another dopamine hit, which we have far to many of.

I've started pushing back on students when they tell me they "have" anxiety, as though an emotion is something you have or don't have, rather than merely experience. I don't have happiness, I experience it. I don't have depression, I experience it. When we say we "have" something, we take it on and make it a core of our identity. To say "I experience X" is to say, "I am human and experience feelings, but all feelings are fleeting. They aren't the sum total of who I am. They areny my personality"

therapy ruined my parents marriage. my mom believed my dad not engaging with it was him not caring and she just got vent validation but at least she didnt like that and stopped going but her belief in therapy made her believe my dad didnt care. when she was the one who went crazy over covid 33:30 how to win friends and influence people may not tell you anything about emotional regulation but it tells you what works with people and it condemns emotional outburst like crazy. 1:16:55 my pediatrician recommended I get reassessed and remove the diagnosis because I am better off without the meds I got side effects like crazy.

@Andrea-zm1nl

15 күн бұрын

Please learn to structure a sentence properly. Your lack of proper punctuation and lack of capital letters where they are needed makes it very hard to read and understand your points. There are sentence fragments in your comment and I lost the thread of what you were trying to say when you stuck the first time stamp in.

@Andrea-zm1nl

15 күн бұрын

@@Paintit33 you are allowed your opinion... And still I had no friggin idea what said young and obviously under educated person was trying to convey..

@HopelessAutistic

14 күн бұрын

​@@Andrea-zm1nl you lost me at "young and obviously under educated person " - this is part of why our society is so divided there's snobs who think it's OK to look down at people who aren't like them.

@Andrea-zm1nl

14 күн бұрын

@@HopelessAutistic shows how much you know. My objective was to help a person communicate more clearly in the future. I'm pretty sure that this person meant for their post to be understood. As for your opinion of me, I literally couldn't care less

Thank you, Chris, for bring on such incredible people and for asking the hard questions.

My sister-in-law, a school social worker, has “diagnosed” her three daughters with multiple disorders, anxiety, depression, etc….and she talks about them openly, which means these kids have been marked by their “disorders.” I see a lot of parents who talk like this. We are creating kids with built-in excuses and causing mental disorders in the process.

Who would have thought that falling apparat family units would effect kids

@jon8864

15 күн бұрын

That's a niche auto correct. Not sure why it thought you were talking about communist bureaucracy, although that would be a mind-fuck.

Great to hear a voice of reason out there. GenZ is full of “victims” of everything and encouraged to be such.

@Saavys

15 күн бұрын

Go outside

@dmcentYT

15 күн бұрын

@@Saavys I put in about 200 miles a month hiking how about you? Did I hurt your feelings? I’ll send tissues 😭

@Saavys

15 күн бұрын

@@dmcentYT good 👍

@lawsonmcneely

15 күн бұрын

U seem like a narcissist tbh

@davidcardinal3654

15 күн бұрын

@@lawsonmcneelyanother Gen Z thing to say. Anytime someone challenges or criticizes them they break down and call everyone narcissistic gaslighters 😂😂

This was a great conversation. I really like the pushback Chris gave because Abigail was able to further explain her points. What has been called social contagion I think is better understood to be a semantic contagion. I think the language we are steeped in has really lead young people to look at themselves in these pathological terms and has entrenched them in these ideas and ways of understanding themselves. I’m. It fully convinced young people now are any more distressed than previous generations, I think they have a lot more language to explain their feelings but the language itself ends up perpetuating all the negative feelings, which if focused on and fixated on less would probably pass or they’d make changes to feel better rather than identifying with a diagnosis and both finding a sense of self and self worth in the mental health labels they seem to be clinging to.

Thank you both. Perfectly timed. You’ve verbalized what most everyone I know, including myself, are in some way going through.

Anxiety never hurt me. I barreled through and noticed the more I encountered it, the more I conquered it. Every single time I was uncomfortable. The next time in a simalur.experience, I was comfortable. Now, it is a guide to who is a bad person. I dont get uncomfortable about situations anymore, only certian people. It does not go away. It communicates something is wrong. Not what is wrong. You must find that out yourself.

Exceptional takes! Definitely need more people to speak out about these issues! Children are very susceptible; they need to be nurtured and guided in the right directions, but they need not direct intervention to solve the problems for them.

Kids aren't encouraged to run around like they used to! We have a modern version of "children should be seen and not heard". When was the last time you saw a group of kids organising themselves to play football for skip madly? Until they are exhausted and desperate for food? Instead we see mums and dads hovering over their little darlings, calling out "careful"...don't hurt yourself"... Btw...every child needs a good grandparent. :o)

Thank you for asking tough questions, as a listener it’s easy to take guests for their word because they’re an “expert” on such and such topic; as 28 y.o. female in therapy this conversation made me question Abigail’s points at times that you did too. However, given her ability to clarify it made her message even clearer to understand! So thank you!

@Chris I think you did well to help the conversation differentiate between “therapy culture” and psychological intervention which is acutely oriented towards supporting agency and deconstructing unhelpful personal and cultural narratives - including the victim story. Almost every psychotherapy modality is about supporting autonomy and responsibility.

I found this episode because ive noticed the toxic talk of "everyone should try therapy". All while mental illness has been on the rise since the 90s and the normalization therapy and language around it. An adult film star asked, "how can someone become more numb to adult movies and have performance issues, when im the one actually doing the stuff multiple times a day for a living and dont have those same problems?". I can posit a few answers to that question, but its still a good point and something people should think about before blaming adult content for their dysfunction. Ive also noticed that people who are evangelist for therapy are not unlike born again christians in that they exhibit this toxic behavior that says "im better than you because i work on myself"

@CarrieScotney

11 күн бұрын

Such a good point

OMG! You can’t make this up… As I’m watching this interview an ad comes on for better help… A young man walks into the screen & sits down on a chair with a cat on his lap. This young man can’t be more than 20 years old and he goes onto to say not too long ago just the thought of going to the grocery store would fill him with crippling anxiety… But thanks to my therapist, Elizabeth I am now much better. Holy moly! If ever there was visual proof of everything Abigail is saying that ad is it! Imagine being a fully grown adult and going to the grocery store induces cripples anxiety? Good grief!

This is exactly the problem. There are more bad therapists that there are good ones. THAT is the problem.

Excellent podcast, my son is 18 and has severe social anxiety, he struggled with going to college etc and went on medication about 5 months ago, its got worse and worse and now even struggles to leave the house, hes coming off it now as it has made everything worse including his sexual function which just adds to his mental health problems.. The withdrawal effects of coming off the medication are terrible

@JustinTrudeau1971

11 күн бұрын

I don’t want to sound glib but be grateful he was only on it for five months. I’ve been on mine for decades and the withdrawal has shut down my life.

This is fascinating, it makes the world slightly less baffling as an older person. It also goes some way to explaining the victim culture and willingness to self infantalise, that seems to pervade young people.

@brianmeen2158

15 күн бұрын

The striving for victimhood by younger people is bizarre to me.. I see more men doing this and it’s tough to see

@geralldus

14 күн бұрын

​@@brianmeen2158 If you are a victim, then there must be an oppressor for you to be a victim to. So is this simply a means of achieving a comfortable level of security and structure which mirrors the infantile containment and security provided by the parent/carer. Or perhaps it's a way of avoiding the development problems of integrating infantile aggression into a more manageable and adult expression of agency.

@Bertinator-nm9ld

14 күн бұрын

This is a pretty incomplete view of why culture has moved the way that it has, with young people. Another very substantial component is going to be all the weird effects and side effects that social media has had on them, in addition to the rest of us. And another point to consider is that past generations also had problems like the current generations. But we just told everyone to shut up and use alcohol to suppress those problems. Which had its own problems. There is a victim culture among some people, but pinning it down and figuring out how much of a widespread problem it actually is, is pretty tricky.

A changelling conversation but so strengthening ❤ Thank you!

Thank you for bringing clarity to this. Social contagion and suggestive counselling is destroying many children today. They are making decisions that they shouldnt be at their age (like transitioning) and will regret destroying their future lives

I was cornered at a pediatrician office because I had post partum depression and when I declined counseling they automatically assumed my partner told me to say no and asked if I’m being abused at home. I said no because I knew it was hormones and I moved through it fine. Now, they want my son in physical therapy because he’s not walking at 12 months (totally normal!!). I said no that’s not necessary and had to say no on three separate calls. When I call this same office about my son’s extreme constipation they offer no help and just asked if he’s in PT yet. The healthcare system and mental health system can’t survive if we’re all happy and healthy so they fish for issues it’s ridiculous.

I enjoyed this conversation immensely! So many insights! Brilliant!

Top top notch and brilliant. My mind has totally shifted for the better. Thank you

She’s excellent. Being an avid listener to your podcast, it was interesting to hear how your own biases crept in at different points. As you’re nerding out on your own discoveries in therapy (feeling the feelings), felt like you were pushing your current practices as something kids need. Kids live in there feels much too much these days.

@hughiemg2

13 күн бұрын

I got the same sense - its as if Chris has had positive outcomes from therapy and was more defensive because of this.

@polysaturated

12 күн бұрын

Chris doesn’t seem to get that therapy or mindfulness or talking about feelings is forced on the children

@CarrieScotney

11 күн бұрын

Was like he couldn’t bear his precious ‘therapy’ being questioned!! Found his attitude irritating also i dislike it when he acts like he knows life with kids, he doesn’t. But mostly i rate him.

@renjithomas8088

11 күн бұрын

@@CarrieScotneyare you saying mostly you like him or hate him?

@everObvious

8 күн бұрын

Funny: I saw any debatable pushback as progress at Chris’ openly documented effort to overcome people-pleasing conflict avoidance.

She's highlighting an underlying issue between psychiatrist v non-psychiatrist (i.e. mental health providers who are not medical doctors and not board-certified psychiatrist). Diagnosing depression & anxiety with the intent to always throw meds at it indiscriminately & indefinitely is the issue, and frankly, stupid. That is hallmark of what non-psychiatrists do.

@diannestanford1539

15 күн бұрын

💯💯💯 EXACTLY!!

Very solid interview from you Chris. You navigated the conversation well ✌🏽 Nice job

Getting beat on when youre young and helpless, getting removed from siblings you were raising, parenting your parent. Is this trauma? Or am i just being soft Sometimes i just feel tired of carrying this corpse along. My soul is not broken yet, i see light. But that cloud of darkness comes hard sometimes but i just think this too shall pass, and i realized im the one bringing up that past and that its not others fault they trigger the cloud. , ive been getting better at getting through it thanks to all these podcasts on youtube, and self reflection. Presence brings happiness !!

Incredible podcast, thanks for being a voice for us normal regular parents. I agree with Dr. Abigail 150%, I have raised my two kids in the way I was raised in Colombia, and also I made sure they learn to dance and express their feelings, now I have two healthy young men, that lead their friends to better choices.

So ready to hear this! Thank you, thank you.

Realllly reaaaaly love the topic and are fully on board with the idea that bad therapies are doing the opposite of healing people

I can relate a bit from my own experiences. My school put me on the special needs list with no explanation. Some of my teachers treated me like I was delicate and they also ran this self esteem course. I was shy, but many people don't come out of their shell until after school. I got into self help books from a young age and continue to see myself as someone with low self esteem. I've wondered if school influenced the way that I feel about myself. Overcoming challenges and working with others would have naturally built up my confidence without encouraging me to over focus on it. On the other hand I've still learnt some useful things. I wouldn't use the word boundary directly with someone while resolving a disagreement, but I've been in some controlling relationships where having this understanding has helped.

Never had therapy to learn how to manage my feelings… to answer his questions, I had friends, parents, hobbies, stoicism and my journal.

I think a fundamental issue with therapy is that it is a language. If the patient does not know how to communicate his issues or feelings then its gonna be useless. You also actually need to understand what is wrong with you to fix it. Just randomly digging at childhood memories or traumatic experiences won't really fix something that has evolved into a whole pile of issues. At that point its often better to just develop ways you can actually be happy and have positive experiences than to gruelingly dig through the mud.

Here's my two cents on Chris's point around 1:04:30. Whether discussion of trauma helps or harms a person depends on whether the topic of trauma entered the discussion because of A) a therapist opening with "tell me about all of your trauma", or B) the client realizing, in the midst a discussion about their current problems, that past trauma was the cause I suspect that (A) is typically harmful, whereas (B) is likely to be helpful.

I’m actually really relieved about worries I had about my parenting by this talk. My child is a very imaginative person and a big fan of story drama… So as you can imagine, when she works with villains and dark dramas I sometimes wonder if it’s a symptom of unresolved trauma… But then again I also think it seems healthy she’s not negating expressing a knowing of this dark side of life. Many astrologers (whom I respect) suggest helping children with charts like hers with emotional regulation. But I don’t know if any fancy techniques and every time I try to interject when she’s upset (which is becoming more rare as she grows up), I would feel guilt for not successfully guiding her to do breath work or whatever. But after listening to this, I feel more secure that she’s honestly fine and just needs a bit more time outside playing and with friends when she’s not in school.

But then...how will all the psych majors and pharmaceutical companies get paid 🤷‍♂️?

@bignickenergy723

6 күн бұрын

That's what this is really about right here. $$$$$ Like the whole Better Help thing. "Everybody should be in therapy!" 😂😂

At 61, I'm 20 years sober and a well managed bipolar patient. I consider my meds as a cast. My mental fitness is 90% dependant upon purposefully practicing stoic principles, practicing my Christian faith, staying accountable to others who live responsibly. Imo, to many children are diagnosed by their parents or care givers and not by psychiatrists. Social workers, teachers, and pediatricians are not trained to diagnose and dictate who needs meds. Jus sayin'. Btw, if the therapist, using the CBT approach, the patient must do the work prescribed. If not, they'll be in therapy forever.

@BWater-yq3jx

15 күн бұрын

And CBT is heavily based on Stoic principles. Which are very much like Buddhist principles. And these are PRACTICES, as you alluded to.

@jennajewert

8 күн бұрын

Licensed Clinical Social Workers are trained to diagnose mental disorders but don't prescribe meds. The efficacy rate for CBT is the highest among all therapeutic modalities, it's been proven to work. Much suffering comes by our negative beliefs and thought habits, so when we learn to hold ourselves accountable by changing our beliefs and thoughts to more helpful ways of thinking, it often brings some relief. Sadly, some people just don't want to do the work so then of course, the tool fails.

Gold as always, Chris, thanks. Just an observation on the how, and why - we cannot overlook just blatant commercial opportunism. The same way schools have vending machines selling junk food, selling therapy to kids at an early age helps establish the customer base nice and early. (For the record, I am pro free markets and I have had therapy, but the discussion slightly overlooks the fact that a key driver here is orgs and individuals seeking to make bank).

40% seeing a therapist suggests to me that these professionals are filling a gap that should be taken care of by parents, community and religious leaders. Think about the increasing popularity online of Stoic philosophy, which in practise is very much like Buddhism. These are life-skills for anyone. It's not 'Therapy' but addresses many of the issues that therapists do. I think there's a lack of that and its equivalents.

🚴 Great listen while cycling.🚴 Chris, thank you for your specific questions. I am very interested in what Abigail offers for evidence (and am aghast by what I learn) yet I need questions like the ones you have raised. Because I admire Abigail’s research I need someone like you to ask serious questions that counter. So many pocketable quotes. Thank you both!

It would have been good to differentiate between the types of therapy she if referring to for example CBT is an umbrella term for cognitive and behavioural treatments. CBT DOES NOT encourage rumination - if fact there are a number of different approaches for example rumination-focussed CBT (Watkins), Metacognitive (Wells), and behavioural activation (Jacobson).

@nopebye4838

12 күн бұрын

Yep, she seems biased about it. Goes too deep into her own story.

@bobpickle769

10 күн бұрын

The only CBT aligned content anyone needs to consume and fully absorb is Marcus Aureliuses meditations. Read that sucker 3, 4, 5 times. Do your best to enact the principles in it for a year. If you read it enough times, fully absorb the messages, and make a conscious effort to enact the principles for a year and it does not help, then you probably have a psychopathology that needs very reputable psychotherapy or some form of medication

The food that we're allowed to eat dysregulates our emotions and makes things so much harder. A good diet is important in navigating our emotions as well as physical exercise. It may not eliminate issues but makes things easier to navigate.

In my experience, this stuff is massively over diagnosed and massively under diagnosed at the same time. Tons of kids that need therapy will never set foot into a mental health setting. Many kids are forced into it because of behavioral issues and disinterested adults. A lot of us grow up in homes filled with abuse and neglect and no amount of therapy or drugs will fix a child if the parents arent seeking self improvement and therapy as well.

Kids are not suppose to sit for 8 hours. I think the problem is schools not kids. Also I agree with her statement that anxiety, adhd, etc… are becoming normal. Feed kids heathy food and parent them and let they play outside.

I think Abigail has some good points. I wouldn't blame any "therapy culture" for the mental health crisis but instead look at the culture behind the kids. Maybe we and our parents have gone too far into the economic productivity ethos which emphasizes material wealth and status over communities and spending time with people. Can't really fix this with meds and therapy.

@lordmcsmith

11 күн бұрын

Well, here's the thing - and I think it's something a lot of commenters are missing. Shrier's field of expertise is journalism, most recently in the field of psychology. She spends all her time talking with doctors and therapists, and tracking trends in declining mental health in America. She's fully immersed in that world, so of course any dialogue with her is going to reflect that. And that's fine! People will say "well, not ALL therapy is bad" as though that invalidates everything she says, but that only reduces the discussion to the other extreme. She's not "grifting"; she's just trying to draw attention to a problem of which she is very highly aware. And no, her model of good and bad therapy probably won't apply to everyone, everywhere. But there are almost certainly people struggling mentally who are in the position she's describing and who can benefit from hearing what she's learned.

Good therapy saved my life more than once, as did medication. There needs to be a balance. I agree that denying our children opportunities to build self-esteem or learn self-regulation is not responsible parenting. However, assuming that all parents are responsible is equally flawed. While she makes some excellent points, I hope her voice doesn’t swing the pendulum back to the other extreme.

@flourchylde

Күн бұрын

I was also fortunate enough to receive effective therapy. However, many of my friends are now in therapy and few, if any, of them seem to be benefitting from it. Finding the right therapist is like finding the pot of gold.

Great guest, this needs to be heard. We are over diagnosing as well as using these diagnosis as crutches or excuses. Its ironic how this is the most study we have done for mental health, yet we struggle to understand why mental health is at an all time low for many age groups.

Incredible insight - and absolutely spot on

What I like about Jordan Peterson's Discussion with Abigail Shrier: The Production Quality. What I like about Chris Willamson's Video: Abigail gets to actually talk...

A nice woman I used to date was busy with her work all the time, I wanted to break up because I was practically single. She said I had "PTSD" from my former relationship (who was an ambitious academic). If this was PTSD, what do the veterans have?

@Searkar

15 күн бұрын

PTSD is different between individuals. Here is a thought experiment that might interest you, Let's say I (a veteran) have shot and killed 25 people but don't have PTSD. Let's say you (a veteran) have shot one and have PTSD. I'll make a claim then, if you think one person shot is enough for PTSD, then what do I have? Hopefully this illustrates how silly your comment is. I (non-veteran) lost both legs in a motorcycle accident, I have PTSD. I (a veteran) saw my friend lose both legs in an IED explosion, I don't have PTSD. Who is more right to have PTSD? Do you see how stupid this argument is.

I'm telling you Abigail is onto something!! My wife and I have gone through 3 months of couples counselling and the female therapist has continually tried to convince me that my father abused me and I'm abusing my wife which is not helpful and is deceitful.

@TheJocelynrae

3 күн бұрын

YUP. I saw some stupid video by an apparent therapist, who said that one of the hardest things is convincing adults who do not believe that they were abused in childhood that they were in fact abused in childhood. 🤦‍♀️ She said she was getting them to "stop gaslighting themselves" as she was telling them that their perception of their own life was wrong. I was absolutely flabbergasted. It's one thing to identify unhealthy parental behaviour to the adult child, and break down what is and is not appropriate - it is MADNESS to try to get an adult to rewrite their memories as trauma. I also saw an interview with a woman who had gone through school to be a therapist - and the program was making THEM publicly reframe their own histories as traumatic and abusive (as part of learning how to do therapy). She said it was so bad that she now has permanently tarnished memories (which she had once cherished) and a classmate killed himself going through this hellish process. There is something seriously poisonous happening in a lot of modern therapy.

@greyfoxice

3 күн бұрын

@@TheJocelynrae Yes! That's absolutely correct! The reason my wife and I are going through counseling is because we don't agree on how to discipline our kids when they're bad. So far the therapist hasn't provided any recommendations for raising our kids and she seems to have an agenda outside getting my wife and I to be better patients/spouses. P.S.. I recently discovered the therapist doesn't even have kids!

@TheJocelynrae

3 күн бұрын

@greyfoxice yeah, parenting advice from people without kids, or with only a couple toddlers, is an absolute crap chute....even the therapists - especially the therapists, in my opinion. And the fact that you went in there with a clearly identified goal/issue that has not been addressed in 3 MONTHS is a major problem. I'm about to have my 6th kid, and one of the best I've come across is Brat Busters Parenting. Her name is Lisa, she has a website, KZread, and tiktok. Lots of videos and livestreams of general advice where you can check out her methods, and individualized paid parenting coaching. She doesn't do yelling, spanking, or time outs - but has very clear rules, boundaries, and consequences. So I think she does a good job of having a system that typically appeases both parents when they are struggling to agree.

Therapy is an industry like any other. Why would anyone be surprised that it seeks to grow?

Unfortunately, because young people are triggered by everything and afraid of their own shadows therapy has become big business. Sadly, it has become fashionable as well. There are even adverts for therapists in the UK beginning to be seen online and on TV. It's a sad state of affairs.

Rumination can be very very harmful. I have a "habit" of ruminating... staying in my head. I am much better now in my 60s. Add hobbies to the list of good behaviors. I paint little toy soldiers. What a gift it is to me.... haha... silly hobby... but it puts me in a flow state in my mind and keeps some goals in front of me. Also... my daughter tells me I am "autistic" partly because of my hobbies. My wife is also thinking in a similar way. They call me autistic because I am a successful engineer who plays table-top mini games. I push back very hard... I may have an odd personality.... BUT I AM NOT SICK. I call it medicalizing personality.

As with many behaviours and concepts, I think a significant factor is the thought of "some is good, so more must be better" at the root of decision making. Many people think in those linear progressions, while reality, more often than not, looks like a graph for hormesis, where too much of an intervention can bring the result into the negative below base line. This thought pattern then results in the ignoring or minimizing of side effects as mentioned in the episode, as well as 2nd order consequences, consequences of upscaling etc. Because why would you deny someone "help"? Same concept applies for example to charities stifling organic economical growth in the recipient community. All of that being exacerbated by massive marketing/lobbying campaigns, and like Abigail mentioned, the "experts" being incentivised to keep the process going instead of evaluating when it's enough.

Paraphrasing: When you don’t regard your actual trauma as significant; you can have good mental health. The way we describe our lives indicates how we thrive or not. ❤So true!

That is the most wisdom I have heard on a podcast yet.

Brilliant interview again Chris - love the in depth thinking.

I have seen Abigail cover this in several pod casts now and I am constantly surprised why people do not get that it is not good for you to get mental health treatment for a condition you do no have. Why are we avoiding asking people to be responsible for their own mental health and seek help when it is needed and not because it is easy.

I (25F) spent years in therapy. Not once was it ever voluntary; I went because my mom said “this is what we’re doing today”. The end result is that I constantly second-guess myself and have next to no faith in my own intuition because I was taught that mine was broken. What’s worse, I had no trauma as a kid and my parents are amazing people, so they must’ve put me in therapy because _I_ was doing something wrong, because _I_ was making their lives worse.

Psychotherapy intern here 👋 My interpretation of what Abigail is saying is that our modern world has been giving far too much weight to negative emotions, which are temporary. Ideally, we must encourage children to experience the adventure of life on their own accord and face natural consequences.

@helenespaulding7562

15 күн бұрын

That sounds like a totally rational path. I wish you good luck in your career. I think you’re an outlier. I hope I’m wrong

@bazmilo-furball1

14 күн бұрын

Hi max I think it’s nice you are a male psychotherapist I tend to believe when a field of expertise is gradually monopolised by women it tends to change to be more woman friendly (generally) a more ‘communitarian’ way of thinking (eg participation medals etc, not meritocratic) what are your thoughts on your field of study? Do women look at this as objectively as men do?,

@MaxKomes

14 күн бұрын

@@helenespaulding7562 thank you for your response and blessing. You’re spot on - modern psychotherapy tends to be driven more by emotion than reason. In my own practice, I emphasize action- and logic-based solutions. It’s a fine line between embracing emotion, and letting it run amuck. Cheers Max

@MaxKomes

14 күн бұрын

@@bazmilo-furball1 oh boy, I think about this day in and day out 😅. You are correct. The modern mental health industry is run majorly by a female presence. Females, in general, tend to be more intuition- and emotionally- driven. This creates an imbalance, where clients end up venting and ruminating rather than taking action and developing structure. People are craving a balance of logic and intuition. This is what I offer in my own practice, and hope that it grows~ Cheers, Max

@w.geoffreyspaulding6588

13 күн бұрын

@@MaxKomes helene here. I come at this from a degree in Cultural Anthropology. You are absolutely correct: our system….for so long dominated by men, has now become dominated by feminine traits, and a balance needs to be restored. My fear is that, human nature being what it is, it never seems to reach equilibrium, but always must suffer through pendulum swing after pendulum swing….always to the extreme before a backlash whips it back to the highest point of the opposite arc. I thought of getting a Masters in counseling, but I would have been in my mid-fifties when I was done..so passed. I thought to take my knowledge of other cultures and apply them to couples counseling. Western culture had developed a very skewed view of romance and marriage, IMO: that a man and a woman should be EVERYTHING to one another, and fulfill all the other’s needs. Do everything together. No disagreements. Romance forever. So much pressure and expectations for marriage, especially by young women. And I would explain that that was an aberration, both culturally and throughout time. And try to take some of the pressure off and have a more realistic understanding that a marriage takes commit,ent and work. That was in the late 1990’s. Now, everything is totally FUBAR’ed. Young men and women don’t seem to even know how to talk to each other anymore. The cultural landscape is unrecognizable to me. Half-facetiously I muse that we might have to go back to arranged marriages just to get families going. 🙄. You’ve got your work cut out for you. I’m assuming you’ll go into private practice? If you go into a clinic, I’m afraid the women will take exception to your approach and make your life miserable. And I’m speaking as a 77 year old “OG” feminist.

Very interesting timing for this conversation giving your recent foray into therapy yourself.

@JenniferMyers

15 күн бұрын

But, Chris is a fully grown adult, while the focus of her argument is on children and young people (not even necessarily young adults but really young people).

@HeyUncleJack

15 күн бұрын

@@JenniferMyers I don't think I disagree with you at all. I just thought it was a funny coincidence that's all.

Interesting perspective, however it comes of as wanting to blame someone else for the problem rather than understand it, an easier way out than introspect oneself. Good work!

“Patholization of normal human emotion” - I like that. Some need a proper kind of therapy and with doctors invalidating adults who have been in their body long enough to know they might need different care in whatever way esp when dealing with real medical issues. But therapy pop-culture is pretty obnoxious and unhelpful. I like that she says these things can undermine agency. Though I do think she goes a little overboard, now after seeing her on other podcasts.

I got hammered at nineteen with so much Prozac I could barely function and was never told it could make my anxiety worse, just that I had a condition that needed medication for the rest of my life. No one asked me about my unstable home, being bullied or being beaten up so badly I needed facial surgery, It took twenty years for a new doctor to apologize for what happened to me and now I have to get off four more drugs I was put on to get off the Prozac. I wish every day I could relive that moment and not started down this path.

I'm waiting for someone to look into how the overconsumption of caffeine plays into all of this. I definitely notice it in myself, increases anxiety, anger, etc.

One of the best, most informative and most needed conversations. It's so good to see, and listen to, two synchronised minds pouring out insight and wisdom. Excellent work 👍👍👍

The potential cause that is never discussed is exposure to advertising. It's always smart phones and social media but never advertising. That's not surprising when you consider the reliance all forms of media, including this podcast, have on advertising revenues. Advertising's primary goal is to make the audience feel bad about themselves. Fear of inadequacy, mainly. The message is 'you're not good enough' and that inadequacy can be remedied by buying the product or service they are selling. Advertising's other harm is the raising of expectations. Happiness = Expectations - Reality. The most dramatic example of false expectations are nappy commercials. Have you ever seen a nappy commercial where the mother is dressed in sweatpants, has vomit on her shirt, looks like she hasn't slept well in months and the house is a mess? Me neither. I would love to know how many advertisements I am subjected to on a daily basis now that I live in a capital city and am forced to spend several hours of every day looking at a screen compared to when I was a kid growing up on a cattle farm with no computer and only two TV channels. Maybe its advertising we need to regulate in order to save our kids? Even if this was proven to be correct there's too much money involved, and major corporations have too much political power for that to ever happen.

I was born in the 80s and thus I’ve seen the pendulum swing completely. I’m glad I never bought into the culture of hypersensitivity. Mental health is important but the fact that a majority of Gen ZErs now need therapy is crazy to me.

Chris, you should interview Charles Linden in the UK, he created The Linden Method and was a chronic anxiety sufferer and cured himself. I used his programme and it gave me my life back. With the greatest respect to Abigail, her teachings and all of this “new information” was being spouted by Charles over 20 years ago. He knew it even back then! Anxiety is completely normal and all it’s “the disorder of fear”. Most some people, this disorder can be kept switched on and therefore need to turn it off. Charles teaches this. As Abigail says, the very word is overused and people are constantly being told they’re sick. A lot of what Charles has taught and his programme is based on. Please try and interview him.

I work with a population of children who are experiencing high levels of trauma every day (domestic violence, extreme poverty, abuse.) This leads to a lot of major behavior issues, ie: violence in the classroom. I wish we had real strategies to teach them emotional regulation, but we don't. These kids aren't getting therapy. And it is doubtful their home lives will improve. But in more wealthy school districts, kids are getting services for minor anxiety and the like. Targeted therapy where it is truly needed can be helpful. But I get that we are over pathologizing the general population.