6 step process S OURCE (what is the conflict) T IME & PLACE (choose best time & neutral place) A MICABLE APPROACH B EHAVIOR (summary of behavior beginning with 'I') E MOTION (because of this behavior I felt.... Never say 'You did...") N EED (what do I need to end this conflict: "I need You to....") Thank you for this which is exactly what I needed!

@godog4744

4 жыл бұрын

Paulette Stubbs v

@RiverFlow58

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks

do not forget to say that conflict starts smaller but grow bigger than one can imagine. so conflict become an opportunity for new constructive resolutions when it treated well as soon as possible. however, it becomes a real fight when concerned parties neglect it and keep silence like nothing is happening. pls, handle your conflict before it handles you.

Thanks for this. I tried this out a few times. But it works only if the other person is rational.... it doesn't work with irrational people!!!

@aadnyc01

4 жыл бұрын

Ashwin Kumar Rao Correct. Like narcissists.

@emmasivewrightmd

4 жыл бұрын

truth, brother

@angelherraiz5381

3 жыл бұрын

Then, you have got another conflict, why do you surround of this people? Somtimes you have to meet them at work and there is no other possibility but even for them, by using this kind of approach you are giving example, and increasing your self respect for behaving as you think you have to.

@MrOtherguy81

3 жыл бұрын

Are you married

I am a trainer in mediation. We deal with conflict resolution everyday. You are spot on. Nice strategy. You have to express your feelings and need. Only then the other person understands.

Thank you for your step by step example of conflict resolution that everyone, in which, high school can relate. I am using this to teach my high school seniors how to appropriately handle conflict. Please do not take this video down. It is by far the best video out there. Gratefully yours.

I tried this , but ended up buying a dishwasher

@johnzabik270

6 жыл бұрын

gooscooby thats right she probably makes a shitload of money..lmao

@greenbirdconcept

3 жыл бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/d3eiqdWydtPFYKg.html Meditation

@slideryt

3 жыл бұрын

who loads and empties the dishwasher?

@alana1119

3 жыл бұрын

If a dishwasher loads itself, does anyone in the forest hear it?

@alfriesmacdonalds5879

3 жыл бұрын

@@alana1119 reloads

"we should make the kids do the dishes" BOOM

@greenbirdconcept

3 жыл бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/d3eiqdWydtPFYKg.html get peace of mind

Thank you. I think this is something people need to learn and start taking out into the world to help resolve issues about race, religion, sexual orientation, and other types of hate. It's a start.

Much needed no doubt. Compared to Nonviolent communication this is sloppy in a few areas. "Made me feel" is not taking responsibility for your feelings.

Thank you very much Dr. Byrne, I will use this. Very informative, and your discussion is very easy to understand.

Positive, workable, explained well. Thank you!

Straight to the point and easy to follow steps. Thanks for sharing!

11:07 *Husband calling saying hes is not doing the dishes tonight.*

@ericjones3981

4 жыл бұрын

Haha

@greenbirdconcept

3 жыл бұрын

Do meditation, kzread.info/dash/bejne/d3eiqdWydtPFYKg.html

2013 wow... It is now 2020 and this video just helped me complete a nursing project, thanks a bunch!

Thank you I really like this. I think this will help me. I do like this process, I think it is a good tool to have in your bag. I'm going to start putting it to a test to see how this plays out in my life and how I can conclude certain conflicts. I find it tasteless that many on here try to comment with humor which I find funny at times but this should be taken seriously people have a hard time dealing with conflict. This is a greet asset to have maybe start creating good environments and help change home/work atmospheres.

I love this with my wife and it really works! Thank you so much. Cheers from Southern California.

Very calm and collected to get a phone call...compose again and go on. Nice.

After reading the comments I think that people don't really understand the dynamics of conflict resolution. What jennie has covered should be taken as principles rather than a methodology. The principles can take many forms depending upon your beliefs, values, needs or objectives. There are different types of conflicts and different reasons of conflict. This is a good summary of the most common emotions in play and a good approach to solve them.

Thank you for sharing this info. I work in a stressful environment that often requires conflict resolution. The way you put things in that paticular order makes things easier to handle. Sometimes it involves doing dishes :)

Some people crave conflict and then blame someone else. They can not see that they are causing the stress and conflict. Its always someone else.

@ronnleemorris6817

4 жыл бұрын

That's my dad every now and then.

Thank you for this ! It’s a great way to start !! ❤

Great method, very organized presentation as well! Thank you

It was GREAT, very helpful and straight to the point. Thank you ❤

Thank you Jennie- this really helped!

This really helped for a school project! Thanks! it was funny when the phone rang, I would of been so mad

This is very valuable information! It’s taken me some time to learn how to resolve the conflicts in my life. The tough part is when I’ve done this a few times and it doesn’t change:/

"Time and place" is super smart to include as a step.

Thanks for the helpful information. We are using this as part of a Communication unit !

Thank you so much! Great approach

I’m going to use this thank you

very beautifully explained and so soothing to listen and understand

Thanks, you have done it very well.

Nice Technic to resolve conflict will try out - Thanks !!!

Hi Jennie! I am doing a mock training session for a class I'm taking to get my HR certificate and my group decided to train people on conflict management. We are adapting your STABEN model because it's really great, but we changed the acronym to make a more sense. We turned it into an actual word - STRIFE. S and T remain the same, but R = Respect - Be respectful in your approach, I = Identify - Identify specific behaviour, F = Feelings - Explain how the behaviour makes you feel, and E = Essentials - What is essential to resolving the conflict? Just thought I would let you know - it makes way more sense than STABEN which, if you don't pronounce it with a long A, sounds like "stab 'em".

@CognitivePsychiatryChapelHill

9 жыл бұрын

I like it - thanks for the feedback! JB

@bzzzgirl

8 жыл бұрын

+Katelyn Smith Schruder Very clever acronym!

@Icedel777

5 жыл бұрын

I like reading the comments. While the doctor had a great acronym and I was getting ready to implement it in my daily life. It's not exactly easy for me to remember new things I learn; seeing the way you changed it and why it's going to help me a whole lot more. Thank you for this great example and the doctor for helping out.

This is a nice example of how to keep it "short and sweet." I need to apply this in my personal life when speaking to my siblings about a specific problem haha.

Mrs. Byrne, hello! My name is Lawrence. I wanted to know if I can use your concept as a teaching material. I really like the way you built the steps into an acronym and explained everything in a way people can relate. Your a rockstar! Learning constructive conflict resolution is as important as learning how to walk. Thank you for taking the time to help me.

Very helpful, thanks. I will be sharing this at a leadership workshop I am facilitating...

It’s really very useful way to resolve conflicts . Good job,!,!

this is great

Really helpful, helps you see that an argument can be broken down,will look to use, as it's easy to get entrenched in an argument👍

thank you!!! just a curiosity for you, in the venetian dialect "sta ben" means something like "be well" or wishing that a person has good health.

These steps are very information & Educative. Thanks for this video.

Thanks. I really like your approach.

Wonderful process.

i appreciate you this video is very very helpful

So good!

VERY MUCH HELPFUL

Thank you very much.

thank you doctor..very helpful video

Excellent video. I like the strategy she proposed and will try it.

great! Thank you.

I admire your precise explanation and full of confidence

@drjenniebyrne

8 жыл бұрын

+tesfalem fisuh Thank you for the feedback.

@MelMelx365

8 жыл бұрын

+Jennie Byrne it looks like you loss your train of thought when the phone rang.

Thanks!

Thank you thank you thank you.

This video was very informative and I liked how the video is explained in steps.

Wonderful video. The process is very similar to the one described by the Non Violent Comunication (from Marshall Rosemberg) but in here is adding two nice tips: the Time-place and te Amicable approach. Thanks very much. By the way, very good communication skills.

Thank you. Makes sense.

@drjenniebyrne

8 жыл бұрын

+sgt7 Thank you for the positive feedback and hope this was helpful.

I LIKE IT!

Thank you So much

you are amazing that was so helpfull god bless you :)

Many thanks!

@CognitivePsychiatryChapelHill

9 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome!

These are great tips

Hi Jennie. Thanks for your generosity in putting out there a technique for helping people resolve conflicts. I'm wondering if you are okay hearing an idea for a small tweak that might improve your technique?

Thank you

Thank You Madam for this advice, I really needed it. Yet to try it, will give you a feedback after a week😊

Hi thanks alot for this beutiful video its very helpfull for me since I m working on conflict resolution in Iraq What can you advice me??? in this regards

cool video, I might use this

Very Very Helpful Video.. Thanks a lot

@drjenniebyrne

9 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome1 Thank you.

I know this video is from a while back, but could you talk about conflict resolution in the work place. between a trainer and an employee. I would greatly appreciate it. my training team loves to help people, but it also comes with the dreaded push back from employees not wanting to listen or become upset and verbally agressive. could you please upload a video I can show my team to aide them in becoming a more efficient leader by handling push back in a professional and effective way. thank you again!

Thanks

Hey thanks so much for this! Not surprisingly a recent conflict led me to this vid. I think this system sounds really great and well thought-out, and I hope I remember it next time I have a conflict. However, I have one question/suggestion: Do you have a specific reason for using the word "need" as opposed to "want"? I reserve the word "need" for things that are really key to my well-being, and I much prefer being asked nicely to being told I "need" to do something. But maybe you have a different view? Or maybe it's just better than "STABEW"? (Although if you say it out loud, it does conjure a strong image to remind you why it's good to resolve conflict) :))

It's interesting how this does not work. Too many people could not give two flips of the mid digit what you need. My work would never ever go for this. I've tried. However, it works well in a video where you are the only one in the shot.

No one can 'make' you feel anything. Your feelings are a response to stimulus. Your feelings are your responsibility.

@danielledarby3460

4 жыл бұрын

She never said the person...she said the person's behavior

Fantastic

as I see it , dr Byrne your approach works with reasonable and honest person.do you have an approach for a cold person ?

Great summary of people's reactions to conflict and how to deal with it. =) I'm thinking though that this depends a lot on culture. I'm from Sweden, where conflict is usually avoided (some kind of fear of confrontation), whilst in South America (where I live) fear is usually manifested through hard confrontation. =) I've heard similar differences exist between northern and southern USA, but that information I've gotten only from books. Have no idea how true that is.

@drjenniebyrne

9 жыл бұрын

Henrik the Keynote Speaker Interesting and that is a good point.

@premier69

7 жыл бұрын

also from Sweden, had a massive blowout with mom yesterday temperament from my British side I guess.

@bitchfightme2259

4 жыл бұрын

Henrik the Keynote Speaker here in the USA where i am, confliction varies from person lol, there's no specific or "more of this" category . it really just varies amongst person

@alana1119

3 жыл бұрын

@@bitchfightme2259 I would say maybe east versus west coast has more conflict diversity? Versus north/ south US

Amazing video.

Would love to see this about a more serious issue

Thx friend

I ve copied staben and am going to use it thanks!

I love this. Thank you. Your dishes story; Most men, if not all men, are just plain lazy, period. Just chalk it up to laziness. They are too tired to come home from work and do the dishes, etc? Maybe the wife is, too. You'd think they'd understand and care about that part.

Love this! I am going to use it with my students.

@krietor

4 жыл бұрын

Are you sure it's so good? For "S" - source she said it's "who" is the source. Like, "who is to blame?".

indigenous here… in our culture we tend to just take the L and process the Ego behind it feel as tho work has been really blind of their biases #ottawa

That sounds great but about step time "Time and Place" in certain situations you don't always have the time to resolve the issue at a later time as the person is upset and is not going to say sure lets set up a good time where we can sit by the fire place and cook marshmallows? Specially at work or in a public place with someone you just met or on a social site where you need to respond quickly or there will be not change for resolution. Another question is how do you come up with all the steps right away on the spot because I think a litter slow and respond a little slow. The good thing is when you think before you speak it tends to be more clear it's just I am slow at thinking then responding fast like some people.

What about when you ask someone several times not to do something an they continue to do it an they say you trip over small stuff

very informative video.and i like your smile.......

@johnzabik270

6 жыл бұрын

SAFI ULLAH KHAN BANGASH too bad she's married dude...lmao

Very interesting ,on a lighter note with apologies Psychiatrists also go mad on domestic front. Nice professional approach respected Madam. I am sure your husband is very affectionate towards you.Wonderful family .Nice tips on workplace conflict also thank you. Please post more. 🙏☺️👏👍

HI I LIKE YOUR VIDEO OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN 6 STEPS. I WILL TRY THIS BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE LIVE IN MY HOUSE AND MY SON ALWAYS WASHES THE DISHES AND I ALSO WASH THE DISHES AND THE OTHERS DO NOT. MY SERIOUS CONCERN IS THAT MY CHILD HAD A CONFLICT WITH ANOTHER PERSON IN SCHOOL. IT GOT OUT OF HAND AND THERE WERE INJURIES. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THE PERSON TO AVOID FIGHTING WHEN BOTH ARE ANGRY ? THANKS FOR YOUR VIDEO. chuchu7s

I just wanted to know what my wife was studying for her MBA course management topic in few minutes... ~ 😐 ~

Acronymn easier to remember as ABSENT...does the order matter?

@drinkwaterreminderformenot919

5 жыл бұрын

it needs to be in order

@greenbirdconcept

3 жыл бұрын

Meditation music, kzread.info/dash/bejne/d3eiqdWydtPFYKg.html

Sometimes you either have to understand that it’s simply now your task or you’ll have to be prepared to walk away/fire them. So if he flat out never did the dishes, is him not doing the dishes worth leaving the relationship over? Is whatever the employee not doing fireable or just inconvenient to you?

I am handling someone who is the eye of HR then at the time that you want to change her schedule. Then she would say, no you cant change my schedule co'z I was task by the HR to be at that scheduled. Then you knew that, that person has a bad record in his previous Supervisors who handled her, then here comes the HR trusted her to be her eyes. Then that eye tells everything regarding about the operations of your area. Then me as his supervisor would probably feel uncomfortable. I felt that my rights are already taken out from me because what I knew is I need to solve any problem before it reach to the higher management. If it reach to higher management they could say that I'm not doing my job well and it makes me feel discourage because of it. What should I do?

That is a great technique and sounds a bit similar to NVC

Hi! Thank you for sharing this video to us. May I know you're opinion about conflict within yourself. Hahaha

Wouldn't the amicable approach come across as passive aggressive if you are actually angry with the person you want to talk to?

@drjenniebyrne

9 жыл бұрын

ginger shock You don't want to be in an angry state when you use this process.

@elsagrace3893

8 жыл бұрын

Telling a person to say something nice is an easy to fail attempt at the inner work you need to do before discussing the conflict with them. The inner work is to remember that this person is not an enemy. Remember the good qualities of the person. It is not even necessary to say it to them though probably much appreciated

@EuphoniaPooch

7 жыл бұрын

That is a great point. I think one common tip people would give is to not hide your feelings per say, but to claim them and describe them instead of using them as a weapon. For example, " You don't care! " vs " I feel like you don't care! ". One is definitive and accusatory. You've portrayed the other person. They'll be defensive about the label you've stuck on them. The second, you've only represented your own emotions. This still might be upsetting to hear but it's still the complete truth ( assuming you haven't just said it to make them mad ) and not so much an attack.

I found out that if there is no gender based approach to the job sharing, such conflicts arise, if woman habitually does house work and husband helps her when he is free, couple may not dispute because the wife already knows her role of work. But when wife does regard herself as equal to the husband on terms of job doing, then this causes constant dispute and jealousy.

What is they use this technique on you how do you staben them back

I love ❤ time and place

I need a video on how to find the good time.

Shout out to NC