I think I have reached a point where I have even given up on people pleasing and I have started to retreat from people in general.

@copiouscat

5 ай бұрын

Same.

@user-wz6eq3db3w

5 ай бұрын

Yeah, same 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Lynee5290

5 ай бұрын

Ditto!

@louisecampbell2628

5 ай бұрын

That sounds exactly like me. Same, retreating from people as well. It's lonely, but just easier. Tired of being treated like I don't matter

@wej0w

4 ай бұрын

My new years resolution for 4 years in a row has been think more about myself.

I was born to european immigrant parents. Having a bad day or feeling low was not an option. Asking for help was being weak.

This is exactly why I’m not having kids like are you kidding me i could never do this to a child

Nicole, when I was younger my parents would quarrel, without assuring me about the outcome. Now I understand what you mean by left alone to deal with stressful situations.

Childhood (emotional) neglect is unfortunately incredibly common. The way out, to put it simply and briefly, is to work on consciously and compassionately giving ourselves in the here and now as adults, what we were not given back then as children. For example, if we had emotionally distant parents, deliberately working on surrounding ourselves with emotionally warm people, going to therapy, etc. It's all a part of the journey!

@dawna4185

5 ай бұрын

there is NO guarantee those "emotionally warm people" we surround ourselves with will come through for us consistently....the one person we can count on is ourselves, thankfully....working on our adult selves to be there for our inner child is the best and safest course

@kathleencove

5 ай бұрын

It is very hard to find those good people, but man does it make a world of difference when you can have someone in your life you can truly rely on and who is gentle with your heart

@chelseabunker2391

5 ай бұрын

@@dawna4185 no one was talking about consistency with those people or using them as a heavy crutch. Even coffee once a month with a friend who is positive and kind is far more uplifting than going hermit mode in isolation or hanging out with bad apples

@AcceptandAct

5 ай бұрын

@@chelseabunker2391 @dawna4185 Exactly! I never said that trying to surround ourselves with emotionally warm people would "guarantee" anything... There are no guarantees in life or healing. It's all just a part of the effort to live better, to get our needs met. Of course we don't control other people. But we can definitely control what types of people we allow into our lives. We can't succumb to victim mentality / scarcity mindset / learned helplessness and stop trying to minimize risk and maximize benefit - no matter what our traumas have been

@AcceptandAct

5 ай бұрын

@@kathleencove Yep, it's usually not easy to find them. But the good thing is, you only need 1 or 2 of them, and then it all gets better.

"You find yourself uncomfortable when anyone else expresses a big emotion." Is this why I'm a sympathetic crier?? Every time someone cries, no matter the reason, or how well I know them, I cry, too. Whoaaaaa

@TheDavveponken

5 ай бұрын

I'd say that is a sign of emotional intelligence/empathy. Nothing to be ashamed of. I think she meant becoming anxious around big emotions, like when someone is angry

@Lyrielonwind

5 ай бұрын

Your mirrow neurons are on. I told a woman who was crying in the shoulder of another elder woman and I told her (trying to appease her) to not cry but the older woman said it was better to release those tears. Suddenly, I realized I said that because it's what I have hear my whole life and I was just repeating the sentence. The mature woman knew that repressing emotions such as sadness is not good. I realized how wise she was. I have been like you, especially when I was a child until my last shock. I can drop a few tears but I can't cry and I wish I could. I have something blocking my tears to come out and I don't know how to fix it because I would love to release what's in my chest.

@TheDavveponken

5 ай бұрын

@@Lyrielonwind staying with the emotion you will re-learn to cry in time. Sometimes intense massage/acupuncture helps with releasing tension in the body from trauma. I once cried uncontrollably for ten minutes from dry needling. Hadn't cried like that since I was a small child.

@menm_91

5 ай бұрын

@@TheDavveponken That makes sense. Thank you.

@freshliving4199

5 ай бұрын

You are taking on other peoples pain, While you can’t even deal properly with your own. You shouldn’t feel sorry for anyone, You’re no better than them.

Narcissism is a key ingredient it seems in being a child who suffered from complex PTSD. I’m just now learning about CPTSD. A few years ago I learned about narcissism and it described my parents. I’m 50 years old and just now figuring out, I think, a few things about why I am the way I am. Thank you

I'm from gen x. We were the generation that rubbed dirt on it and didn't cry. My parents loved me but didn't show the love I needed. I find myself showing more emotional love to my children. I still hold resentments towards my parents. I lash out at them. With them, they act as the victim. As though I have no cause to harbor feelings from my childhood.

@CheerMom17

5 ай бұрын

That’s because they claim they don’t remember right? I’m almost 46 and I have so much anger .

@kathleencove

5 ай бұрын

Yup, millennial here, I feel like a lot of millennials and Gen X relate with this, as we’re the ones raising Gen Z together. It’s incredible how the Boomer generation was once the generation of Free Love and Imagining a new world, and the minute the hit 30 it’s like they forgot all about that and started telling everyone else but themselves to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. Not all of them, I know a few Boomers and early-Gen X Boomer-adjacent elderly folks who stayed true to those hippie roots and really welcomed emotional vulnerability and kindness with their own children (a lot of them raised their kids to be the “crunchy granola” people of today). But an overwhelming number of Boomers were just so emotionally neglectful, and hypocritical about it. “You must be sensitive towards me, but I don’t have to be sensitive towards thee.”

@freshliving4199

5 ай бұрын

Real love is not emotional. By resenting your parents you are judging them and that makes you just as rotten as they are. Forgive them so that you can finally be free from them…or don’t, your choice how much longer you want to hate them.

@freshliving4199

5 ай бұрын

@@CheerMom17Denial is what keeps them blind to what they have done. It also cuts them off from changing for the better, instead they will stay bitter. Question is what will you do about it? When will you let go of that anger they have planted in you?

@kathleencove

5 ай бұрын

Toxic positivity and shaming people for “bad emotions” is not okay. Yes, forgiveness and letting go are good and important things, but you can’t shame a person into forgiving on YOUR ideal timeline, especially for someone else’s relationship that isn’t your business. Respect people’s boundaries and don’t go around calling people “rotten” for, God forbidden, being human and experiencing emotions like anger and sadness and resentment. That is bullying language, to call someone “rotten” for confessing their own struggles with trauma. That’s not ok. Anger and resentment and sadness and pain are healthy emotions (they are part of a survival response to signal to the brain that something isn’t right about the way they’re being treated, and it’s healthy to have this). It is healthy to experience these emotions when they are allowed to be acknowledged and worked through and transformed into more optimistic and pleasant emotions the right way: through loving self-compassionate acceptance, not shame or telling people to just get over it. “Being emotional” is not a bad thing, it is a human thing and a perfectly natural response to traumatizing and invalidating experiences. He’s allowed to express that he feels validated and vindicated by this video without you shoving shame down his throat. Your comment was not an appropriate reaction, you’re not his therapist, and your unsolicited advice was not warranted. I’m mostly responding this way for Michael’s benefit so he knows he’s supported and that when people talk to him like this it’s not ok, and he should not feel guilty. I expect, freshliving, that you will probably get defensive and feel tempted to launch a thoughtless response (you couldn’t refrain from commenting to Michael and calling him “rotten” either), and you’ll probably want to say I’m misunderstanding your intentions and that you were just trying to help him be less bitter, when I know full well that attitudes like what you displayed do not come from the generous and kind place you’re telling yourself it comes from, and most trauma-informed therapists do not approve your kind of message to “just get over it and forgive” (before someone is ready) and calling a person who is being vulnerable about their trauma “rotten.” I’m well aware of what your defensive responses will be. In the years of working on healing my own C-PTSD from domestic abuse and sexual assault, I’ve heard it all before. It is never ok to shame someone for having difficult emotions about their parents, it is possible to love someone and still be angry at their unjust behaviors and the pain it has caused. I’m not saying this to open a debate with you, I’m saying this because maybe in 5 years from now you’ll remember some part of this conversation and realize you need to change your attitude towards people who are hurting, and let people forgive in their own time and their own way without shaming tactics. And I’m saying it so Michael knows he doesn’t need to feel guilty or triggered into a fawning response that emotionally abused people tend to backslide into when they’re publicly shamed like this for no good reason- you didn’t do anything wrong Michael, the heckler was out of line. Freshliving, I’ve selected “hide user from my channel” (new speak for blocking basically). You may leave a response if you feel like getting defensive with a brick wall. You can post one because this is on someone else’s channel. But I will not see the response, because I will not get any notifications from you on this platform. If you don’t like how it feels to be corrected like this in response to what you had to say to Michael, then take a minute to think how Michael must feel being called “rotten” simply for expressing perfectly valid emotions about the abuse he has been through. I hope everyone is having a pleasant holiday.

"If these things feel like you, know you're not alone." This really hit home for me 😭 Thank you, Nicole, for the education you provide and for your empathy. ❤

These examples really hit home! I know that my mom loves me but she has just never showed that to me the way I needed. She never hugs me or says she loves me. She would never ask me how I am of talk with me about anything. For years I have been blaming myself for not being a lovable child and questioned my self-worth. Now I'm just starting to learn that it might not necessarily be about me but something that she has experienced in her childhood. And now it's passing to me. I have always struggled with But thanks to you, I now recognize this all ❤

This has become so common since the '70s that our entire society & actions across the world are higly affected, imo. Great vid, thank you.

@parus_1671

5 ай бұрын

I agree but I wonder if the situation was any better pre-70s though. At least in my corner of the world things have been insanely hard for most families up until the 50s. I find it hard to imagine there was time for emotional connection back then either…

@johnslaymaker

5 ай бұрын

​@@parus_1671 Fair point. I suppose my thinking was based on single-parent homes exploding in the '70s and family sizes plummeting, so the number of kids w no real parenting either from parents or older siblings grew exponentially. But yes, perhaps these ills have always been with us. Would explain a LOT of human history for sure.

@brookerobitaille745

5 ай бұрын

Agree with original commenter

😭 Everytime I watch these videos I feel so validated it's like the final puzzle pieces coming together and I can finally understand myself and grieve the childhood I did not receive. I know I need these videos but they always hit hard. Thank you Nicole. My uncle always used to say "it has to get worse before it gets better". He had that one thing right at least.

As a grand parent watching your videos had helped me personally. How about a video on mirroring? Once I was aware of this I was able to change that pattern and remain calm. Love your videos. I have forwarded many to my children stating “ I’m sorry”. When you know better you do better ❤

This kind of psychoeducation is so important. Thank you for this video. Here’s how EN shows up in my life, as a child: 1. I didn’t feel as though my thoughts and feelings mattered. 2. I was often shut down when I expressed a thought or feeling that was “unacceptable” 3. I didn’t feel seen and heard more often than not as a child. 4. I didn’t know how to self soothe and believed that other people’s negative feelings and behaviors were somehow my fault. As an adult: 1. I have trouble knowing what I feel, although I have been practicing checking in with myself and “buying” my own perspective. 2. I used to struggle with identifying my angry and sad feelings, and the emotional dysregulation that followed led to behaviors that would escalate conflict to abusive levels. 3. I used to feel as though I was too different or in the orbit of everyone else’s “perfect” lives. 4. I still struggle with feeling as though I need to please others, and betray my inner child in the process. 5. Sometimes I feel unheard when I express my feelings about a situation to my partner, and so I am learning to be there for myself instead of relying on others to validate and acknowledge my feelings and thoughts.

@kathydodge8028

Ай бұрын

I found this helpful, thank you for sharing 💛

I feel like the whole world is this way 😭 Like it's the new norm.

And being belittled constantly

To be honest, I have nothing to say because you have said it all. Thank you!

I’m actually so completely exhausted from having to deal with this. It overwhelms me that there’s so much work ahead of me to recover. I just want to clock out. I’m too tired. It feels like a huge mountain to climb and there’s no one out side my immediate family to help come along side me regularly to provide support. I’m also so exhausted from parenting and putting my childrens needs ahead of my own because that just where I am at in the parenting part if my journey. I can’t not put their needs first.

I'm definitely struggling with understanding what I'm feeling and not wanting anyone to know even though I could use their feedback 😢

Finding out about CEN has been so helpful because I've always been confused by the rage and depression I felt all my life in a not-so-terrible family. I have compassion for parents who were just as stuck and wanted to be better parents but didn't have a clue about emotional intelligence...so couldn't teach it. They just perpetuated serious, isolating dysfunction that they grew up with in their childhoods...from parents who didn't have a clue, etc. Thank you for this excellent synopsis. I'd appreciate more long shorts speaking to this issue. C-PTSD is helpful, too, but that whole area is too hard for my family to consider. "We didn't have trauma, etc. " But CEN is a palatable opening to helping my family understand some real suffering and stuckness.

Spot on. The question is how do I heal from this? I don’t like being a people pleaser or telling white lies. I want to be a healthy and whole person.

I really relate to the part about entering relationships with people who are unavailable and dismiss how I feel - not just romantically but in friendships too. I would deeply appreciate some information about how to navigate that and begin to create more healthy relationships for myself. I especially struggle with doubts about my perception of the relationships, like: do I have to high expectations? Am I a good enough friend myself? Do I just create the problems in my head? And so on… It is really challanging 😔

@nancybartley4610

5 ай бұрын

@user-wz6q3db3w We are on the same wavelength. I wasted so much of my life with unavailable men. Now I am concerned about why friendships have been so wanting and I ask myself the same questions you are asking yourself. It is not only challenging. It is painful.

@hiyasam

5 ай бұрын

Me too. I keep getting into these friendships and relationships which end up making me feel miserably cold and hurt. I think maybe I’m seeking a familiar dynamic and I actually distance myself from people with too much emotion involvement. Maybe I’m actually the one emotionally unavailable because i don’t know how

@Blablablahx3

5 ай бұрын

Yes I have the same problems may we receive the help we need! 🙏

@sarahmeyrick4651

5 ай бұрын

​@hiyasam it's so true. Seeing it though, and then knowing what to do with this knowledge is tricky too

@llynxfyremusic

5 ай бұрын

Holy shit I relate to those ruminations at the end of your comment.

My parents still dont validate my feelings and i am 32. I have been in and out of therapy since i was 17. It was a shock to my parents bc i hid that i went to one and they found out because i had a meltdown. And they viewed it as me being too weak to handle everything. Anyway, i got the tools from that experience but i just discovered your videos recently, and it feels like i am finally able to heal in a way years of therapy didnt encourage. I have a feeling i unconsciously cant fully open my brain to someone else so these videos allow me to digest and heal in a way better suited to me

Talking about emotions needs to be front and center ❤it's just as important as physical and spiritual health. Patience is something that requires the ability to hold space. Everything you've mentioned here, is something I experienced and took me forty years to recognize and heal. Whole body health is paramount for our society. Mind, body and spirit. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness ❤️❤️❤️

This is very informative for the public,many people don't even realize this is a actual form of neglect/abuse.Another 1 you may want to do a video on is "medical neglect"...Most of the general public isn't very aware of this potentially dangerous form of neglect/abuse.The 🚹 I ❤️ was knowingly not treated for obvious Depression symptoms that were severe as a underage 15 year old teen...People know that abusive narcissistic parents can wrongly call their child mentally ill despite being in good health,BUT it sometimes goes the opposite direction too & in those cases it's medical neglect.We as a society need to start dragging these dark things out into the sunlight so we have awareness of what they are.

I’m 56 and all of this is exactly what happen in my family of origin. I’ve been in psycho therapy for nearly 15 yrs. 7 months ago I made a commitment to myself that my health and well being is the most important thing in my life. I’m prioritizing ME. I have a 35 y/o daughter and 25 y/o son. I’m sure I’ve modeled some of the same programming I received from childhood. The generational trauma stops with me! For anyone out there that is struggling with all this stuff…know that you deserve self love, self care and to honor the soul within. The biggest gift you can give yourself is to do the work to heal and reconnect to your inner self. It works and you can become untethered from your story and reclaim the truth of who you really are! Believe in yourself, be kind to yourself and most importantly LOVE yourself. ❤️

“ stop feeling sorry for yourself”. “ I will give you something to cry about” . I did not know until a few decades into adulthood that throat pain was not normal when crying.

Being a sensitive child with emotionally immature care givers gifted me with the will not continue the intergenerational trauma. I'm a work on progress and my heart is my guide. And the wisdom shared in this video has the ability to show us how to show up for ourself and others and validate our sensitivity and care for our nervous systems. I hope to be the best care giver for other young sensitive souls whom I may influence and protect.

Keep talking please!! We need you 💜

Alexithymia, CPTSD and Dissociation are in my epigenetic DNA. It is a work everyday to reprogram the lack of knowledge the Silent Generation reared as our parents. The last piece to this saga is selecting partners that are emotionally unavailable. This land mine has been the most tricky to get rid of.

I just want to thank this community for being so warm and awesome and helping each other we all need more of this

I resonate with all the signs. This video is reaffirming what I have been experiencing and learning about myself recently. Growing up, my mom delt with severe depression but hid it until I was in high school. Never understanding why she was always distant, cold or angry. My dad was passive. Both of which didnt talk about their feelings or have any regard for mine. I didnt even acknowledge my own feelings until I was 21. Now I am 28 and my biggest struggle is vulnerability with myself and others. Thankfully with mindfullness, self-awareness and the desire to create depth in my life, I am starting to connect and soften back into my heart.

I wasn't allowed to "cause problems" so I endured the bullying at school and a string of injuries from accidents, then either kept it secret or invented elaborate stories about how great I was doing. I'm sure if anyone actually listened they'd know I was lying but nobody ever did. It took many years for me to overcome my instinctive habit to tell lies whenever I felt uncomfortable, and to stop creating drama to get attention.

This reactive state makes it difficult to be in society or work as people sense it and try to trigger the reaction to appease themselves.

Very helpful and clarifying. I now understand why I keep so much to myself and not feel sneaky.

I'm so glad that I found this channel! I have no diagnosis for anything but I think I've struggled my whole life from emotional neglect into BPD, and have a trail of relationships that sometimes we're adding a new layer of dysfunction to my existence! This channel may be part of my healing, and it's up to the person I'm in a relationship with to decide for himself if he will also work on his own childhood neglect. I am working on myself and I'm making a little progress at this late stage in my life.

@jamiejoygatto

5 ай бұрын

Like Dori says in Finding Nemo, "Keep swimming." :)

I regret not having been there for my children, when they were small. They are teenagers now, so those years have passed. I try to be a good mother now, but it´s like they don´t really need me a lot any more. So yeah, feeling sad that I was not the best mum...

It's kind of screwed up how so many of us are having to make it a point to go to therapy and work through all the emotional damage and generational trauma we received. I've still got years of work to do on myself. I'm doing it so I can be a good father to my two sons. So far I'm trying to strike a balance between "tough love" and actually talking them through emotional stuff when they get hysterical. I'm somewhat proud to say that they only really listen to me, and started saying "Yes sir" completely on their own. They're like little warriors in training man We can all get through this 💯

@TrainerLiz1

5 ай бұрын

Good for you for stopping the pattern. ACA is also helpful.

@TaryaKarina

4 ай бұрын

You are so right!!! It is very heart breaking,how many people have been hurt and emotionally damaged from the childhood traumas. Some are broken for all the life,and for others it takes years to recover and heal. I am almost 60 years old and I am still working on these things. The way for healing is SOOOOO long!!!

My mother grappled with sever mental illness my whole childhood, which left me extremely parentified, neglected, and abused. She has since become a lot healthier and happier, and I’m endlessly thankful for that… but in our now adult relationship, I find it difficult to engage with her about the past. She dismisses my experiences when she brings that time period up while reminiscing (“that never happened,” “I don’t think it happened like that” etc) and no matter how hard I try, I can’t let go of the part of me that has deep resentment for her. I of course logically understand why things happened and that she may have been doing the best she could- being a product of her own tumultuous childhood herself… I adore my mom and I’m proud of the progress she /has/ made… I guess what I’m asking is, how can I have a more productive conversation about the past without making her feel like she was the villain of my story? Do I give up hope of every getting closure? You can’t bleed a stone… I just don’t want to resent her anymore. I want to let go of that but I fear I can’t without having a two sided discussion about it with her. 😞

@MissVindicat

5 ай бұрын

Same. I’m so angry. She denies things. I’m low contact and that is good for my mental health but I feel so guilty.

@jamiejoygatto

5 ай бұрын

When you said, "I guess what I’m asking is, how can I have a more productive conversation about the past without making her feel like she was the villain of my story?" The first thing that came to mind is to find someone else to tell that story to -- firstly a therapist, and people who are very close to you if you feel comfortable doing so -- and they agree. We need to remind and tell ourselves that it WAS REAL. What you felt was real. Your feelings matter, and they mattered then.

@jamiejoygatto

5 ай бұрын

It's not your fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. It is not your fault. @@MissVindicat

@malwads1836

5 ай бұрын

My mom had untreated Schizophrenia for the 1st decade of my life but lives as a healthy person thanks to treatment😊...My dad is a narc however😒.My mom speaks honestly about the 💩 that happened while she was ill & she doesn't like the way she behaved obviously...Even though she had significant limitations back then,she did everything she possibly could with those limitations to ensure I felt ❤️.I always appreciate what she did & it's a lot more than I can say for my gaslighting narc dad🤢.Be wary if she's dismissive of your pain &/or gaslights you...People can sometimes have issues that run deeper than mood disorders, Schizophrenia,etc.Also be careful not to let a rough childhood act as an excuse for abusive behavior particularly after treatment.Try learning about gaslighting & whatnot just to screen her for any other possible issues that could be causing the friction...It'll likely help put your mind at ease 1 way or another.I hope this helps you,warm wishes for your path to a healthier more peaceful life🕊️.

@garlicgalore

5 ай бұрын

I found the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents very helpful about how and what level yo engage with parents.

If these things feel like me is an understatement. Every single thing you said is so accurate! ❤

This is me in all ways. I cried watching this, it's like seeing a mirror of my life, my troubled relationships, having anxious avoidant attachments and feeling bad about myself. So much anger and sadness comes up within me for having this sort of childhood. 💔

You've just described the first 25 years of my life, to the point where i couldnt even name the emotions i felt. It's s amazing seeing how i shifted to being more emotionally open, standing up for myself and picking partners based on their emotional openness. I realised after a year of doing attachment and inner child work that my parents have never said they loved me. To those starting out this journey will be uncomfortable - it will feel alien and you will cry when you open the floodgates of emotion but it is so worth it. The weirdest thing is being on the other side and seeing how my siblings are still acting from the childhood neglect ghey grew up with it does make my relationship with them very uncomfortable because they cant be there in the emotional world with me.

It’s like you’ve seen into my childhood and know who I am. I wish I had a therapist like you 40 or 50 years ago.

Wow! This really hits home. My parents fought verbally often after we went to bed and it was scary. No one talked to us about it. When we got upset they would tell us stop crying. When I was very young I would hang on the door crying and my dad held the door closed on the other side until I fell asleep on the floor and then put me back in bed. My mom often invalidated our feelings and I hear her do it with my nieces now. Now as a parent I’ve really struggled to stay calm when my toddler throws a fit at bedtime. I’m triggered and I shut down. What can I do for myself to have an easier time remaining present with him? How do I talk with my 6 year old after my husband and I argue? (not often). I’ve asked her if it is scary and she says yes but doesn’t verbalize any more than that. How do I help her open up?

Yes all these points fit my childhood a lot! I’m 23 now and finally live somewhere where I feel less unsafe. But even after ten years of therapy I now struggle with how to act around my roommates. Most of the time I automatically try to not let them see when I feel depressed or frustrated because I don’t feel like sharing and I don’t want to burden others but they still can sense it and then later tell me that it annoys them that it takes me so long to understand my own emotions. I hurts me when they get annoyed by that but I know that this isn’t just on me. I’m like this and I try to work on it but being annoyed is there problem not mine. I also struggle with accepting compliments especially for my art. When I was a child and I drew something that I then showed my parents they would just say something like ‘yeah nice. Can you step away from the TV? we can’t see anything’. It gave me the feeling that my interests don’t matter and I should concentrate on what I’m not good yet anyway which is school.

It hurts to relive these things by sharing them, especially after learning that no one cares.

Very interesting watch for me. I definitely exhibit some of the signs of emotional neglect. But usually my emotions and feelings come from what I went through at school or with my sibling and cousins, not necessarily with my parents. At school I was usually the only black kid around and at home I was the only girl so I was always just different, couldn’t find my place, everyone seemed like they just thought I was weird. I find I am not transparent, and I am reactive but in a way that is suppressed bc I always hear in my head someone telling me “you’re being dramatic” in some form. My parents always tried to talk to me, but as far back as I can remember I just learned to shut up and “move on”. Deal with it yourself cuz nobody really cares. I’ve watched several of these kinds of videos and I always end them feeling like I almost got what I needed bc it’s not quite what my experience was. I always feel myself wishing there was something out there that could help me make some things make a little sense

In the past, I have always found my self being attracted and in a relationship with bad manipulative men. And I thought that was because I am stupid and weak but now after more than a year in therapy and being for tow years in healthy wonderful relationship with a great boyfriend who is now my fiancé ❤️. I understood that it was NOT my fault and that was really what is known and comfortable for me because I was raised bei emotionally immature parents. And I ll have to say that at the beginning of my healthy relationship with my fiancé. I felt uncomfortable and as if there were something off. Because there were no manipulation gasleiting and lovebombing. Which were for me signs of true love story. Now I have learned that the signs of true love story are Respect safety and empathy. I am so grateful and thank you for your support and videos ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@lettherebecassie

5 ай бұрын

So happy for you!

What's even better is them pretending to care about you as an adult, simply from the fact that there are witnesses to their behavior now. Ah, the joys of being homeschooled.

this helps me in reflection to the why i was chasing that guy and why i was accepting the crumbs. it helps me moving on completely. It's a life changer. Thank you

The way this video enlightened me and affirmed my trauma, which other people have dismissed when I mentioned things in this video

I highly encourage mental health practitioners to consider dropping the word “comfortable” when talking about repeating toxic patterns. From a client perspective, dysfunction never feels COMFORTABLE. However, I believe one is drawn toward these situations because they feel FAMILIAR... Better the devil you know, right? I believe that can have wider resonance. Thank you for all this validating content. 🌺

Exactly, all of this....i became a massive people pleaser and not getting anything back....

This is right on the nose! All of it resonates with me except #2, being reactive, but I ended up with a partner whose emotions are unexamined and out in front. What I do in these situations based on #1 is that I invalidate his feelings. I started learning about trauma last year and bringing in this understanding has made me more compassionate with both of us. This is my first video of yours and I'm excited to explore more of your content. Thank you! ❤

I always thought that phrases like "It could be worse" or "be grateful that you're not as bad off as some other people" are very dismissive, even if they are meant to be comforting. Like... Yeah, I know it could be worse. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel the way I do in a particular situation.

@ShintogaDeathAngel

5 ай бұрын

I feel like two types of people say that - people who are trying to comfort, and those who are trying to be dismissive. Either way, it helps nobody and they forget suffering isn't an Olympic sport in its own right.

My father is narcissistic and my mother stick to him. He was emotionally abusive and she just let him. Becouse he was so grand and my mother couldn't handle his child behaviour. Now I am really stressfull when conflicts appears. And I meet and recognize a lot of not nice narcisstistic people. Still don't know how to put myself on 1 place and guard my boarders.

It’s funny that I never want to have children for these reasons because fuck passing down trauma (why would I ever want a human being to suffer what I’ve been through); yet I called selfish.

Feel like my heart was broken in infancy. My mum was paranoid schizophrenic and my dad was never around. Am tired now.

Regarding my Mother: You never said, "I love you." But then you never lied.

I'm ever grateful for you, your teaching, and understanding. Blessed to have found you ❤️

I like a lot of the shorts you do. They give excellent examples of what behaviors look like. Can you make some shorts of what emotional neglect AND proper emotional care looks like. I feel like I went through this neglect but I don’t know what positive emotional care looks like and I want to do better with my children.

yes I resonate with all topic above, it is how i was treated in childhood., so my adult life is not sucsesfull like you pointed in second section.,impacted my whole life, still not sure how to break up all and live life as a normal person.

Taking notes 📝

I know two people who believe crying is a form of manipulation and will actively tell you "I don't care if you cry" or "stop expressing your emotions" I hate people like them

@ShintogaDeathAngel

5 ай бұрын

I hate that with a passion, too. Some people do cry to manipulate others, but most don't and crying does have a biological function.

@sumire3728

5 ай бұрын

@@ShintogaDeathAngel yes! And what bothers me the most is that these two people believed for years I was doing this and other stuff for attention and not because I suffered abuse for 10 years plus and have not resolved the trauma due to my immediate family not acknowledging it and just wanting to sweep it under the rug. It truly killed me inside

Yeah. This is very helpful. I love this channel. I love your energy and the way you break this down for me. It's easy to relate to this internal situation. Most of all I really appreciate it so much how you offer simple and easy to follow steps to remedy the emotional neglect. It no longer feels like a monster that I can't quite trace the outlines of. It feels manageable. I understand it's going to be a life long journey and I'm almost 60, but I feel I can get myself unstuck, little by little. Thank you so much. Love your hair by the way.

I keep feeling like a burden. My suicidal thoughts got kinda exposed and i was confused why it was anyones business but mine but realized i had lost a lot of trust by not being consistent with my honesty and transparency. Unfortunately, having eveyone fret over me actually made me feel worse. 😢

Thank you for sharing this! A huge learning process to undo damage done! With God all things are possible!❤❤

This spoke to me as if it were made for me. Where do we begin and what is the best way to approach this when your in your senior years of life? without panic... Thank you for you and all you do!

Thanks so much for the videos. They are helpful beyond words. This I'd painful stuff and your approach with shorts and videos are so great. Small doses to swallow and digest. I appreciate you so ❤

Thank you, this is my experience, even the part of being drawn to unavailable people.

This is me to a tee! Finally able to make sense of my issues. Thanks so much. Your work is so very important!

Yep , that was my experience - every single point mentioned - neber been asked how I am or how I feel about anything - lots of fighting and arguing / divoce- not a question asked and when I confronted them as an adult they both dissapeared on me...both of them gone...not that I miss them !!

How about how we are neglecting our own kids emotionally. It's just as important to become self aware of how we are repeating patterns.

Yes this resonates fully with me

How about a video that teaches parents to be more emotionally available to their kids? That would break a psych-influencer mold

I love your podcasts. You have helped me understand what happened as I was growing up. Thank you!💖✨💫

I saw myself in the words you shared. thank you for showing me that.

Thank you for your teachings.

You break this down so well. Thank you for sharing❤

I have always been a great listener… but I’ve never preferred to talk about myself. No one ever asks about me in return and that’s just damn sad, why has society taught us to care so little for others? I try to give everyone a listening ear, and I know they appreciate it, but the older I get, the more I get tired of bothering to give when I don’t get back. I am this way because I was so neglected by my parents, they only gave me physical support, they gave me less than anything emotional support. Therefore I feel vastly unimportant to the world, even if I try my hardest.

sending this to everyone! Thank you. Explains a lot.

Why couldn’t I have found this when my children were still young? My biggest fear is that I raised children with these issues because I have these issues. My boys are all adults now. What’s done is done but maybe I can still help them?

Mine thought that because they said "I love you" and provided material goods that there was no neglect.

Thank you

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ❤❤❤

So relatable Nicole. Thanks so much.

Whoa Nelly! She hit every nail on the head! I just watched her describe my life in less than friggin 5 mins.😮

Thank you for all of your hard work. These are really helping me .

Thanks for saying it!

Thank you great clip. I resonate with everything uve said. Thank you

Whoa! This is exactly what we were talking about in TOday!

This hit me hard!! This is me (and my siblings) Thank you!

Great video! Thank you.🙏💜💫

Totally resonating. Thanks a lot.

Fantastic job on summarizing your ideas so clearly! Your video really resonated with me, and I appreciate how effectively you conveyed your message. Keep up the excellent work! ❤

incredible video thanks doc!

As a parent in watching these tonchdck myself and make sure I'm doing my best to avoid this stuff 😅

This was done to my Mom, and then done to me... Sigh. Generational issues 💔

So how do we heal? That is the biggest part I was hoping to hear in here!

Every word you just said. All of it.