I really like how you think of narcissists in such an objective, scientific way and do not treat them as evil demons like other KZread channels.

@saltygoat9034

4 жыл бұрын

I grew up with a narcissistic father and sister, and a codependent mum. Narcissists are worse than evil demons.

@malin6594

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, exactly my thought. Can't watch some of the other channels anymore cause they are too one sided for me.

@Chien14753

3 жыл бұрын

Malin ageee. But understand why they do so, they were also victims of those nasty worse than evils narcissist

@carolnahigian9518

3 жыл бұрын

The more you know a narcissist the more you realize they are cruel.-I was dumb-63 years it took me!!!!!

@malin6594

3 жыл бұрын

@@Chien14753 My parents are narcisstic. And as much I know how they damaged me and my siblings, as much i know that they cant be anyone else than themselve. I know their parents (my grandparents) and it makes perfect sense why they are who they are now. I don't think they want to be bad people. Everyone needs unconditionally love. I believe they are what they are because they didnt get it. And therefore they cant give unconditional love themselve, even if they wanted to. I think only way to break out is to learn to unconditionally love yourself (the real self). But learning how to do that is really really hard. I don't blame anyone for not being able to do that.

10:08 interestingly his coworkers were ok with this change LOL that laugh

@kevinhornbuckle

4 жыл бұрын

See, it works both ways. Their hostility toward him over the years could be expected to be satisfied by his hobbling. Also, sales competitions within a given workforce are competitive. So him making less means they made more.

@hauntedmound5956

3 жыл бұрын

I grinned

Personality disorders are generally not treatable through brief therapy. There was no discussion from the counselor of trauma or neglect that may have formed the genesis of Steve's anger. His need for narcissistic supply was misunderstood as an error of manners and habits rather than understood as a psychodynamic outcome from his family of origin.

Having to deal with a narcissist in my life that is very close and after they had to hit a place where they realized they needed to talk to a professional therapist about the issues they have, the main goal of the narcissist is to be proved by a professional therapist that they are not the narcissist but that those who accuse them of being one are the narcissist

@Wildchile

4 жыл бұрын

Ugh awful

@godstomper

4 жыл бұрын

@@Wildchile its annoying. But Good news is my narcissist in my life actually wants to change certain aspects of their life. 6 years ago it was a nightmare.

@LemonSte

4 жыл бұрын

opposite for me. according to doctors I am too self aware to be a narcissist... great so i made progress on my own and that's a bad thing?

@godstomper

4 жыл бұрын

@Awkward Autistic they have full blown npd but after a few traumatic setbacks they seem to want to set a few things straight. Exposure is their kryptonite.

@godstomper

4 жыл бұрын

@@LemonSte no.

Nothing can be done right without a good history-becoming a lost art in medicine. Nice video.

Absolutely spot on! Always revenge oriented behavior to teach the other person a lesson. I'll show em'. !

I found it a little comical envisioning Steve taking all his moderations to the extreme 😆 “Yeah great job on that roof Jack. 😑” ...as the roof slides off the side of the house... “Perfect! I couldn’t have done it better if I tried it myself.” But I know it’s only funny because it’s not me having to deal with him in real life. 😆

@carlathedestructor2454

4 жыл бұрын

😆 Oh the sarcasm I imagined from Steve...

Steve after therapy sounds hilarious, Total savage

I’m trying really hard to “distance “ myself from the people in my life that are narcs. I find it truly exhausting. Every vid helps. Thanks so much😌

@firehorse9996

4 жыл бұрын

It's much easier to go No Contact than to go Low Contact. Both of my parents are Narcs, which I have finally figured out at age 50. Over the past year I have also dropped a number of Narc friends. Indulge in self-care. Take a bubble bath. Cook yourself nutritious meals. Take time to heal. You will find your energy again and feel like a new woman, take my word for it. Then you take your new aware self out and find healthy people to bring into your life.

@kellyannallen2454

4 жыл бұрын

Fire Horse Thank you! Your comment has given me hope😊 I am also dealing with family members and I’m working my way to no contact....🙏🙏

@phoqueewe7230

4 жыл бұрын

No contact is the only way. There is no such thing as a healthy low dose of toxicity.

@themusicalendeavorsofwalte6793

4 жыл бұрын

Dr. Ramani has said that if circumstances dictate some contact, train yourself to lower expectations. Glad you're working your way to no contact though. Good luck.

I’m not surprised by the resistance and subsequent acting-out. Great depiction!

I love these case studies. Thank you.

@ViciousViscount

4 жыл бұрын

And BTW: If you ever decide to go over Eric Harris' and Dylan Klebold's personalities (the Columbine perpetrators), I'd be more than happy.

I like your video's Doc you come across as a professional who likes his job and wants to inform the layperson.

@BunnyUK

4 жыл бұрын

Lucas Ferrier - he is very professional, but also rarely on YT, has real integrity & very thorough knowledge. Hard to find anyone better on here.

My now ex-hubby (with NPD) & I went to counsellor after I found him out in a 9+yr double-life. We had solo sessions first. He lasted one session & came home to tell me the therapist said that he "didnt need fixing", but that I was unhinged & shd keep going. He went to one joint session with me & refused to discuss the "affair" or "friendship" & away trips with other women. Therapist said "draw a line in the sand & move fwd from there, no looking back". Wow, no apology for secretly going outside our marriage for fun relations! No discussion abt any issues in our marriage? Nothing. I was not interested in seeing this therapist again, I felt robbed.

@christophersurnname9967

4 жыл бұрын

Lol so funny how everyone’s “ex” has “NDP” or is “literally a sociopath”... don’t you feel so like typical and just predictable when you say this? The majority of these “ex’s with NPD” situations are simply what’s called a bad relationship and messy breakup, where most likely both ppl where pretty dumb and immature... more or less. Or even if it really is the exes fault or offence and you didn’t actually do anything that was bad, then don’t you guys even consider the possibility that your ex is just an immature jerk? Or basically a shit person? And that maybe you had poor judgment with entering into a relationship with them in the first place? Or maybe you had poor judgment with not leaving it far sooner? (As in the case where the ex is just a shitty person) Everyone just loves to reach for the NDP/psychopath/sociopath labels. Don’t you realise it’s pretty easy to label almost anyone that you are having severe interpersonal conflict with as those things?

@christophersurnname9967

4 жыл бұрын

And from your story it easily sounds like it’s as much or possibly more your fault than his. I have no idea obviously, but maybe you let it get to the point where you are in therapy with a serial cheater who’s not even apologising to you and the therapist is telling you to “draw a line in the sand”? Sounds like you’ve had extremely low standards of basic self respect. Could also be very possible that maybe the cheating was your fault also?? Maybe you got lazy and weren’t doin it for him anymore and weren’t even trying.... or maybe you were ignorant to his needs for intimacy because you felt that your own were met and that was all that mattered... maybe he tried communicating this... OR maybe he’s just a douche bad basic red blooded man who has got strong enough moral character to withstand the temptations even though you’ve been a perfectly good wife? If that’s the case, maybe you could have easily picked that early on but chose to ignore it? Ultimately I have no idea about any of these questions for you specifically (obviously lol), but these are generally some of the questions that all the “my ex had NDP” ppl never seem to ask themselves. Instead preferring to play pop psychologist and diagnose the problem ppl in their life from some buzzfeed articles etc...

@carolynballerina5342

4 жыл бұрын

@@christophersurnname9967 Sounds like u r trying to normalise my horrific & deeply painful experience. Not nice. Perhaps at my age (50's) I'm not "young & stupid" but got duped by an A-list actor (& a Narcissistic "jerk"). Not a "normal" experience. Not nice comments from u.

@carolynballerina5342

4 жыл бұрын

@@christophersurnname9967 Not my fault. I was the best I cud be.

@carolynballerina5342

4 жыл бұрын

@@christophersurnname9967 Of course I asked myself if there cudv bn more I cud do. Why are u so angry?

I can't believe someone with NPD went to therapy. My sibling and myself tried so hard to support our mother into treatment. The reason why she wouldn't participate? I'd say it was because she wasn't suffering within her dynamic. 'Motivation' as you say is so important. Those of us enduring the results of NPD can sometimes beg for treatment because we are suffering. We see that not being the best we can be can hurt those we love.

I am doing behavior therapy and higher faith in the power of creations larger than myself belief in the higher power in conjunction with a twelve steps program. Eighteen months is about my prognosis in therapy and alcohol abstinence. I equate sobriety as my only chance for sanity and institutions as a place to live life. Thanks for the hope you gave me in personality may not change so much but behavior and reactions to anger can. Plus accepting the consequences of my unhealthy choices. God gives faith, therapy gives tools. Thanks 🙏🏽

@scarlettchappendenden9059

4 жыл бұрын

Good luck, sweetie. xx

I have learned so much since I discovered this channel.

I just stumbled upon your channel and, as a psy.d student, this is all such a breath of fresh air. Thank you for making this portal for people to learn. It really helps students like myself.

It could be the all or nothing tactic. He used the therapy as a tool to show he was more effective before therapy. The sudden self-loathing was more of a demonstration that if he wasn't granted entitlement, he can punish others by withdrawing. The outward show of cooperation was coated with self-pity, which may have been far from authentic. More so, the withdrawal was a tactic. A narcissist is complicated to those who expect honesty and assume genuine intent. The plan to move on was the final discard, be it on an intimate one on one or to a group in the workplace. Either way, they cannot cooperate unless it involves receiving supply. The supply was not paying off and time to seek more sensational ventures. Kudos to the therapist for her valiant effort and ability to get some feedback. Fascinating!

Damn, I disappear for a few days and you're over 150k, congrats, Doctor. 🌹🌹

@k.ambriz9789

4 жыл бұрын

Well deserved tho.

@rosiellagrace

4 жыл бұрын

@@k.ambriz9789 oh, absolutely.. I'm glad he's gaining more traction, he very much deserves it, just kinda surprised me but in the best way.

No, he will not change. That is his identity. I heard the expression of narcissists being self soothers. This is a correct statement. The child has learned that. I don't know how you would possibly be able to correct that. I am not condoning rude behaviour. That, he definitely can work on. I am taking about his identity. Very interesting as usual, Dr Grande.

My feeling about NPD and personality disorders generally is that therapies that don't unpack what went wrong in the subject's early object relationships probably can't really be curative. Sure, CBT and medication can help a bit with the depression and anxiety that accompanies these disorders but what's really needed is long-term, psychodynamically oriented therapy and probably full on psychoanalysis for a period of at least a couple of years, so that the subject can be given a second chance to develop strong and healthy ego, and superego

Good to see such an example and how therapy could go wrong

O M G I love case studies wow thank you ooooh I can listen to this whole eating dinner amazing I’m so excited haha again thank you

Sounds like spiteful over-correction. Going to extremes.

@anklesockson8134

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, something I have experienced, the smallest criticism leading them to over the top, ludicrous behaviour. Even self sabotage just to show you how right they were in the first place and how dare you say anything.

Thanks Dr Grande. Very interesting 🙂

Interesting as always! Thanks Dr Grande.

I'm a clinical and research psychology student and your content has been helping me more than some other professional videos offered through continuing education. Keep up the good work. If you do have content that is meant for professionals, I'd be very interested. :)

These case studies will always be my favourite Dr. Grande videos

Another excellent one.👏👏👏

Wow, that was really insightful case! Thank you for sharing!

I've been following you for years, Dr Grande and as a colleague of yours I've learnt a lot. Thank you.

That's extremely clear and interesting. Thank you so much for all always, Dr Grande.🙂

I love these case studies! Thank you Dr. Grande. Have a good new week 😃🇳🇱

I like how Doctor likes the therapist’s transparency- openness!

Really interesting video as always. I seem to get a lot that isn't obvious in just reading the scientific literature because of your experience; you bring the issues to life.

Narcissists are so “off” normal. My husband has huge tantrums just as described, and never understands situations and people just as described. Their only goal and their biggest fear are the same thing: self reflection. They have none. They could try, but the mirror would break but for their own stupidity, and therefore, they unfortunately have absolutely zero sense of humor. It’s sad and scary. He has never asked about my feelings or thoughts, has no memory of our experiences.

Another well delivered informative video

Brilliant Dr. Grande! Without wishing to sound cruel....I found this amusing!! Thank you. S. x

This was helpful.

Hi Todd, I had a close friend you was what we both described as full blown narcissist, I was intrigued and thought there must be a way of healing her, we spoke quite openly about her condition, my thoughts were as follows, the darkness and black hole of nothingness felt by her was unbearable, the drama created through lies and manipulations were the thing that made her feel alive , elements that are a safeguarding for humans were missing such as embarrassment, she never felt embarrassed or joy, would instantly hate someone who clearly expressed joy, she knew she would never truly feel it .

Thank you

Valid point about obtaining through history.

Excellent commentary.

I'd like to hear more case studies, enjoyed this video. ❤

That was such an interesting video! Really makes you think ...

Thanks for well-being wishes, they definitely encourage, to know that most of my personality is set along with my past life experiences, knowing cognitive therapy and self-realization and mindful living are Improveable,...is worth the work during therapy. Therapy is work not mind control, but teaching you to control your own mind and ego and behaviors. ☮️❤️🦋

Phenomenal job, Dr. Grande. You kicked ass. : )

I do agree that this can be accurately described as a partial success. Often, those with lack of insight are unwilling to change behaviors at all, even just to “prove a point”. This also does emphasize the importance of taking a thorough history. Often, details about the person’s current or past family and work contexts can be very revealing about the current problems being reported.

I really appreciate every video and learn a lot from them :) I would like to see more case studies please

Wow, I found this super interesting! So cool to be able to hear about this experience, and learn from it. Your appreciation of the councelor for writing down an example for where her approach failed totally resonated with me. Thank you so much for making this video! Would be super curious to hear more of those, although I am aware that they gotta be a lot of work to make, plus I am guessing popularity / view counts is probably a factor for you? Anyways, thank you so much, even if this should be the only one you make. One more question: Do you think there was anything she could have said to her client, or asked him, that might have even had a vague chance of changing his motivation to engage with her recommendations for real?

Thanks once again for your expert insight and assessment Dr. Grande, can you provide a source/link to this and, possibly, other case studies? Thanks!

👍🏻 Very well taught. 😃

Fascenating video! These case studies are always gripping to me- especially as a psych major, something about the emotional journey gives the field that much more reality. But I do have a question- how do psychologists differ between normal and 'labeled' behaviors? Is there a baseline threshold of normal that acts an an ultimate reference? And how are these correlated with things like the individuals personality and experiences? Thanks!

When Dr Grande said his coworkers liked that he stopped talking I laughed so hard

Thank you for the case study of Christie as always i look so forward to listening and learning from you about all these disorders. i'm sure it will help and give a lot of understanding to all. One would think that since the narcissistic personality comes from the developmental stages of a person in their younger years one would need to take the patient back to the early stages, the root of where they started to develop this horrible personality disorder which i think is mostly to do with the lack of parental love which obviously shows the patient and teaches them all about feelings compassion, empathy and good feelings and love for others. I think it is also and probably the patient may not have wanted or liked being loved, of course it is up to the individual to decide what course they will take in life for and into the future with them.I am not a doctor so all i am able to do is express my opinion and thought, which i am doing now. I am thinking of, or suggesting a therapy introduced by Dr Arthur Janov called Primal Therapy or at least some of his technique. I would think or suggest that then the patient would do well with other therapy to help them take the correct way and path to a better and hopefully a much happier and improved life into the future. To the narcissist - "Love is all you need" - Except it, receive it and give it........

How interesting Dr.Grande! Thank you so much for your channel. It has come to be so helpful to me in my practice. You could say I am a “Kristy”

Lol! My Narcissist Ex sell windows and doors for installation. Everything you described about the situation is spot on!

I just heard the end where you state it is not ok to not have history .. SO THANK YOU!!! But do you know how common and how damaging it is.. I believe you know how damaging but that it’s the norm? I have been searching your videos for proper due diligence before making a diagnosis especially of someone suspected of a disorder that traits include lying, superficial charm etc. my vulnerable narcissist had them eating out of his victim hand within 5 minutes and boom he is avoidant and anxious and depressed .. poor poor vulnerable boy.. oh that’s right I need to be nicer because he is insecure and cares so much what people think.. they are right but not for the reasons they have attributed to him. I wish there were requirements to be met before giving a diagnosis that is then sent to a clinician and everyone proceeds as if. I have him on recording laughing about it. By that time what does it matter. I needed help when i didn’t know what was happening...

Thank you for this, Dr Grande. Can you do more of these, especially for cluster B disorders?

Thanks.

An excellent example. I really doubt if you could blame the therapist for the end result. The question is , is how long will it take the patient to realize that this isn't working out for him and regress back to his natural"happy" self ?

From an angry jerk to a normal person. Tried that with my then-husband. Didn’t work out too well 😂

i've only met one Narc , he is the only person I ever felt mentally fatigued around. Not only was he an absolutist but he was always playing the victim and saying what ever happens to him was the same as something more severe etc. He also contacts me to find out the latest information and what's going on with me quickly to make the topic about himself and just remembering the conversations and arguments I've had it was like talking to a soulless person with no view on others contributions other then his own.

Ha! That unproductive sarcasm is very familiar!

People with NPD go to therapy? Wow rare 😶 my boyfriend’s mother has NPD and she said that the therapist was wrong bc the therapist didn’t go to Ivy League (mother herself didn’t go to Ivy League and came to this conclusion on the first session) LOL typical Edit: steve was FORCED to go ahhh that’s why he went Edit2: bf’s mother was also FORCED to go to family therapy

@Think-dont-believe

4 жыл бұрын

Mine loves it.. I won’t do it. He is on stage and they try and build up his self esteem and teach him kinder self talk 🤦🏼‍♀️

@pyujeh6207

3 жыл бұрын

They do indeed. When you realise that you're making your life unliveable and unsustainable, it becomes a matter of necessity. And if the pain of your own failures is great enough, you will embrace the lifeline of change. (Lived experience.)

It just goes to show: talk therapy can go haywire. Short-term therapy is worse than nothing for this type problem and therapists need to know what they are doing.

Thank you for portraying this very disliked person neutrally and even sympathetically. It seems quite likely he was living with a burden of frustration while being professionally fairly successful. Two marriages and two abandoned kids: that's a lot to shield from one's conscience. It would have been interesting to know his childhood and what he thought about it. Did he want people to appreciate his work? His employer wanted to retain him (strong salesman) but get rid of his problems ("jerk"). Could he imagine a world where he would get affection, praise and enjoyment of other people?

Sir, I must say I really enjoy your videos and prefer your takes/explanations on the topic to most psych channels on yt, as you seem to be knowledgable and actually have an understanding of the subjects, instead of just repeating DSM-5 or other texts. Where/how can I contact you? I have a (long) question on an issue which I would like very much if you could address.

Thank you Dr Grande... can narcs modify their behaviours without getting a narc injury in the process?

Instead of doing cbt, she should have asked him, what's 1 thing you'd be willing to do to improve __x__ situation? That way he gets to use his own brain to figure things out, instead of the rote answers of cbt. Plus he gets to employ his own values into deciding how he'll handle it. The way you make it sound is that she told him what he should do and how he should act and what he should say.

Blue looks good on you, Dr. Grande ;-) You seem to have adopted the wardrobe strategy of Steve Jobs, who famously wore the same black turtleneck and jeans every day to save his brain power for more important decisions. (A lot of CEOs are reported to do this nowadays.) Your shirts are all interchangeable but this blue is a nice change from the brown you usually wear!

Those 7 dislikes are from people with severe NPD & FAILED TREATMENT. NO hope for narcs

Well, at least he went to therapy. I’m disappointed in the results, but it’s always nice to see a narcissist make an attempt.

Christie is me. My husband is Steve. This went on for 15 years. My husband’s insight is lacking, his reality distortion is high, and there’s a severe lack of ability and understanding here. I literally am at my wits end

@bkwrm85

4 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that! You might also like the KZread Channel "Thrive After Abuse."

@Wildchile

4 жыл бұрын

Mae Lindsey Thanks I will check it out I think I saw it

@Wildchile

4 жыл бұрын

m norton buswell Unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on how you look at it) I’m strong, can put up with a lot, and we have 2 great kids who are older now - finally ready to divorce I think!

@8:15 = Adaptive Response, ( Self Talk, one's way out of ... being in control of an idea, thing or a detail ? )

I'm surprised Steve went to therapy for his employer but then maybe he thought if he didn't he would lose his job? I've seen the temper tantrum first hand and the " Let me show you" behavior because they are trying to prove to you that you're wrong and their always right. I've seen this far to often in people. We have a country full of them and I'm not sure if it's something that can be " cured". I think it can be prevented , with parents. Overpraising is destructive to children, giving in to tantrums is another because it teaches them to manipulate , over giving is dangerous to children , don't think giving your children materialistic things is love because it's not. Teach them to give to others volunteer and help others and that the world doesn't revolve around them. Teach them not anyone is perfect that includes them. You'll be doing the world a HUGE favor by not creating more narcissists. Of course a little narcissism is in every one of us, but when it becomes destructive to others aroud them is when it causes problems.

This is Jennifer Sinclair. My mother is a covert narrisist. Identified by two professional counselors. She quit seeing both of them. She has 5 adult children. One child has level 1 autism and still communicates with my mother. Another child is a narrisist by proxy. Another child has chosen deliberately to live 1,500 miles away and visits only a couple times every decade. The other two children went no contact.

Another very similar narcissistic response came from rock star John Fogarty of the band Creedence Clearwater Revival. John was lead singer, lead guitar player, and wrote all the original songs. In time the other band members complained that their talents were being passed over, and that they should be allowed to contribute songs, vocals, and arrangements. John finally relented and allowed an album featuring the other band members, but he wouldn't contribute to that album. It flopped, and John pointed to the failure as proof that the band should feature him alone. Later John's brother Tom left the group, and the work they did without Tom also flopped. Perhaps all the members were important after all. The band broke up amid extreme animosity between John and the other members that has never waned. It's truly a horrible story.

Omg why is Steve like this facepalm 🤦‍♂️ Christy the counselor tried I’m proud of her

@GajeelRedfox

4 жыл бұрын

She tried, but she failed to ask one of the most important questions, which should have been asked day1. Christy failed just as much as Steve, and it's baffling to me that someone would blame the PATIENT in this case. Steve was definitely a hard case (as expected from an NPD), but it's really not his fault that he got a subpar therapist. The best thing Christy did is documenting her mistakes. I guess she could have easily erased it and hide it, but she chose to publish it, despite making a bad mark on her reputation.

@cat4331

4 жыл бұрын

GajeelRedfox that’s a great way to think about it! Ahhggg my personal bias blames everything narcissism but yes, christy did well by documenting her mistakes

OCD, Low self esteem, insecurities are maybe somehow involved in this bpd/narcism.

I could use a neighbor like you 🕊

That was fascinating I’d like to see a video case study on successful treatment of a narcissist Seems like only a real space alien could pull it off. The countertransference must be hideous

OMG OMG!!! This is my husband of 32 years!! We’re separated right now (5 months) and he’s going through waves of doing this right now as we go through our individual therapy. He says what he “should” with sarcasm and bitterness, then he sulks and acts abused if/when his efforts fall flat (the tantrum). This is horrible 🤦🏽‍♀️

I think the head of sales in my former company was a narcissist. I recognize a lot of the criteria in the way he behaved. He was made to leave a short time after I had resigned from that company. Hope he's doing better wherever he is because I doubt he was very happy at that place.

Frances Bernard here. I agree that self talk is hard for someone with less experience using that strategy while trying to learn something new too is hard. However with someone who is already narcissistic their own intelligence is going to be against them while trying to take on more and more responsibilities as time goes on leaving them falling into another crash and burn only greater each time. Which lessons can all of us learn from having to watch that sort of thing as helpers? Don't skip taking a more thorough history including international patterns which seem resistant to change happening within 2 to 5 generations. Like how many grandmothers only 2 or more generations ago ended up having to figure out how to mind their children while being expected to entertain mistresses to become later another wife to add too.

Ohhhhh my gosh. This case study describes my ex husband in detail.

I think if you have to work with one which I do it just drains you you want to spend less and less time with them. It may have a great personality but the MPD just takes over

@ladymopar2024

4 жыл бұрын

@J R I just changed shifts boy it's like a weight taken off my shoulders

Video idea: I was just thinking that I'd be interested in your impressions of Marilyn Monroe :)

I was for three months with a person who showed really all the signs of a vulnerable narcissist that you speak of . It is just like a blueprint. She ended the affaire by sending a text and explicitly didn't want to talk. Ok so far. She has all these neurotic signs of anxiety and almost depressive moods. She has now therapy for this. Although at that time I thought these therapeutic sessions didn't go too much in depth. Now after I looked over what has happened these months, I m much more sure of this. I like to write something what could at least be a start to help her in moving to some more serious counseling. My question is what is the best way to move a narcissist to go to the counseler (with personality disorder experience or at least talk to the present one ) with what is really the problem? I have the feeling of this case that is pretty worse at lying and lack of empathy. But she has some insights. Like she talks of her self as arrogant and cold.

PLEASE do a video on treatment resistance even though i want treatment. Basically using heavily drinking drugging, crying and want help but absolutely wont go because i dont wanna show it BUT want the help.

Boy I sure wish we counselors who were interested in history at ALL where I live! I don't really know how they can diagnose anything without it

Te ex boyfriend told me of going tot the therapist for HIS ex wife's condition when he should of needed it as well!

Could you talk about strategies for managing the callousness of a narcissist during the divorce process? Also, I'm wondering are all narcissists fake and emotionally empty? How or why can they turn off all basic human emotions with the flip of a switch?

Can you talk about children's aid society ignoring the diagnosis of odd in child from the age of 9 through her teen years. At 9yr old child's mother left the covert narcissistic father and through out the years the middle child was the only one involved with the father and she was used to make mother out to be abusive. Over the year counselors were convince she had underlying conditions that needed to be assess like bpd but in 8 years children's aid missed all the signs and now my 16yr old daughter has a child and living with a man just like her father, she also creates arguments and accusations towards him now instead of mother and she is ridled with anxiety, depression, eating disorder, has many health issues, low self esteem, separation axiety from baby, boyfriend and mother, she won't do anything alone the list goes on but as children's aid sees it "at least she doesn't cut anymore because she's away from mom" .. thank u

My narcissist has some interesting issues. 1. Laughs uncontrollably at others misfortune, crude nasty things , whether he knows them or not seems amused with others pain, very repetitive and mostly historical from decades ago. 2. Rationalizes everything, understands he feels anxiety and depression but wont change mindset. 3. exibits ocd behaviors erratically 4. Selfish, grandiose, mismanages money from his trust, manipulates borrows money pays huge interest , leverages everything , pays back personal debts, seems to use money lending borrowing to start or keep relationships. 5. Takes no responsibility, wont cook clean or do own laundry, just walks around all day eating out drinking diet pop, hanging out, makes lists, doing mickey mouse tasks, wastes time pining brooding over the past. I cant get him to change no matter what i say or how i ask him to look at things he thinks his philosophy and rational is sound.

Everyone probably would have been better off if they had just sent this guy out to make the sales and sent other people to do the work. It might have made it easier for this guy to make smaller changes to his behavior without feeling forced to do so because he might be convinced to change some things because it would make him more successful in social stuff.

Dr.Grande , I regret expressing my thoughts and memories thus far , maybe it's best to let time pass and forget the past , especially if you can't change it anyway , after all , you just get a label .

I don't know where to put this, but I've been watching your videos and other people's narcissism videos for some time now. I have always worried about my brother, thinking of him as a child, or, a manchild or what-ever, and upon discovering "covert narcissism" everything falls into place. The problem I have is that I love my family and I don't want to distance myself, or reject my blood and treat him as subhuman. I can't diagnose him, there is zero chance of taking him to therapy, and I am scared for him and what impact he might have on others now that I am understanding just how pernicious this personality type is. I really don't know what to do. He's kin and will always be kin. I believe I want to confront him in an open and honest manner to the point of his rage and beyond, but I am fearful for he might go and do something to harm himself. He has at times made me doubt my own sanity and my works and my ability, and everything that he says must be taken as gospel. I am mulling over the idea of charging in headfirst with a confrontation. I am not interested in doing so for some idea of "justice" or to "get my own back" - I just wish to rid him of his mask for now and forever and build upon the husk he has left behind. There is a man underneath, who has capacity, skill and can do so much good. I want him to finally start growing. I suppose I am wondering, since his narcissistic rage usually takes the form of self-harm, ie. Stabbing himself with a sharp object whilst grinding his teeth, or straining his muscles whilst bearing upon the wall... I want him to grow. He is simply ill, as far as I am concerned and I wish to aid him for his sake and cast whatever demon resides within outside. I know and care not for the countless wrongs he has done, and he cannot be blamed for acting as he does, just as a puppy cannot be blamed for shitting behind the couch. The more I learn, the more I understand that it is wrong to blame such a thing. I am genuinely curious what will happen if I were to go ahead with such a confrontation. Would it harm him? Would it harm others around me? What is the best course of action to take? I will not, I will NOT run from the coward. Please help me, and thank you.

@carinafranchi9984

3 жыл бұрын

Did you ever confront him? If so, how did it go?

CBT is not going to be effective for true transformational change for one with a personality disorder. It's just a band aid method but I guess if it's just for work interactions it might be sufficient.

Seems like long-term psychodynamic work would have been more successful here, since CBT typically doesn’t get to the root of the problem, but still his resistance could have got in the way. I think what needed exploration was the client’s relationships and whether his approach to life was bringing him happiness and fulfilment here, and perhaps (as with Egan’s stage 2) getting him to envisage a time at which his relationships were not confrontational and people continued to like him after a period of time and perhaps long-term relationships were sustainable. This would work if there was some dissatisfaction with the quality of his relationships, which I suspect was under the surface (a grandiose narcissistic conception of self is often a defence against shortcomings or failures it is too difficult to perceive, although I don’t know if this qualifies as a defence mechanism in the Freudian sense, it’s just an observation I have made myself.) So work that centred on getting him to properly perceive his shortcomings and the areas of life which give him dissatisfaction (areas which you might say are driven into the unconscious here, when conscious awareness is only allowed to perceive his successes), building on this to arrive at a recognition that change could be both beneficial and desirable (whilst maintaining, perhaps in a modified form, those elements of his personality which make him competent at sales) and from there working on personality change that is driven by the motivation of the client (perhaps only now, in the third stage, introducing techniques from CBT if you’re working integratively.) So an integrative or psychodynamic approach might be most beneficial here, rather than short term CBT, but in any case the work would have to be long-term and focused on overcoming the client’s resistance by awakening a recognition that at least limited change could be highly beneficial for it. And if he then willingly makes small changes and sees benefits, these will become self-reinforcing behaviours leading to greater changes down the line (which is why I think the research is showing that the effect size of psychodynamic treatment increases by about 50% in the nine months after the conclusion of treatment, from I believe around 0.9 at the end of treatment to 1.51 nine months later- the entrenchment of self-reinforcing behaviours and patterns of thought.) That is how I would approach this. (I’m a trainee integrative psychotherapist with particular interest in psychodynamics, but will also be trained in third wave CBT by the end of my training.) I have no experience with narcissism as a personality disorder, though (no clinical experience at all) but I was a narcissistic teenager and recognise narcissistic patterns of thought and behaviours in others. It’s possible his disorder is so entrenched that it would take very long-term work to dislodge and even a crisis in his own life where he is forced to confront the negative effects of his thought patterns and behaviours, i.e. losing his job due to his anger or arrogance. But if two divorces haven’t got him there already, perhaps nothing will!

@iamflartebartfarst

4 жыл бұрын

Not that there’s anything wrong with short term CBT, only that it’s better for clients who actually want immediate symptom relief. It is not as good for long-lasting personality change, for which I think a psychodynamic approach is better, exploring entrenched patterns of relating and behaving, defence mechanisms, and processes which may be unconscious to the client. CBT, with a reliance on discrete techniques applied to the client’s thought processes and behaviours, both requires at least some willingness to apply the techniques properly, and commitment to maintain the use of the techniques, and has high rates of relapse or the re-emergence of symptoms when the client reverts to old patterns of thought and behaviour outside of therapy (although there are attempts to address this in third wave CBT.) I will hopefully specialise in psychoanalysis or psychodynamics after I am qualified, which means I’m going to be in university for the next ten years, but unfortunately that’s the only way to do it (to specialise in psychodynamics, at least in Wales, you already need to be a qualified counsellor or mental health professional who sees clients regularly.) My initial qualifying course also covers relational psychodynamics and psychosynthesis, and I am very interested in third wave CBT, having been a mindfulness practitioner for about twelve years and having seen the benefits. Great video though Dr Grande! I do enjoy your videos, you have a deep knowledge of mental health.

@iamflartebartfarst

4 жыл бұрын

J R That’s nonsense.