This is legit explanation, I was fighting my jealousy my whole life thinking something is wrong with me and I’m being “controlling” and “possessive” but I’ve had to come to terms that it’s a part of me that’s hard to override, I feel very territorial so if someone else is having sex with the girl I’ve been with I feel different about her even if I really like her. Being cheated on also didn’t help. It’s definitely primal

i appreciate you getting to point and not beating around the bush. Im not there yet but i have been afraid of this type of scenario. I'm glad i have some more tools to know what my brain is up to.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome Jordan. I hope that you don't get there, though I've seen this happen really suddenly for some people. I'm glad you feel more equipped in case it comes up for you.

Starting a divorce now, my ex-wife and I have been separated since May 2022 and are living together still now in March 2023, but she has not only begun dating but also sleeping with the man....all while I still pay all the bills while she tries to be "financially independent".

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Benjamin, thanks for watching. You're in a rough spot - I see a lot of clients coming up against pretty fierce anger in situations like yours, and rightly so. Anger can be a powerful reminder that it isn't okay for someone to take advantage of us. Do you have some support to help you navigate this, emotionally? I find that sharing a home during divorce proceedings is one of the most difficult periods for many of my clients, and having some good resources and support on your side can make a huge difference.

@oldschooldude7729

Жыл бұрын

At least you have the balls to admit that it's over and you need to move on. Some men act like children...boys...and refuse to accept reality. What this ALSO MEANS is that now that she's on the market, DON'T TAKE HER BACK EVER! If you do, it's a clear sign of weakness and low self esteem. It means you don't think you can find anyone else. Use this as time to work on yourself. Brush and floss your teeth. Hit the weights. Get a new girl. How many millions of people are in the world? How many of them are women?

@willowsayswhat9642

6 ай бұрын

Can you cut the bills away? Or make it the new guy’s problem?

@benjaminwolf9801

6 ай бұрын

@willowsayswhat9642 thankfully since this comment was posted she moved out and was taken off the lease, though unfortunately child/APL support is still be paid monthly to her of $1K/month.

I hate when women lecture men as if they even have even have a clue about men's feelings .Then they turn around & blame us for being "insecure" but it's not about jealousy it's about respect.

@MoonCrab00

5 ай бұрын

sir I invite you to reflect and look more inward on how you define respect and ownership.

@Joaquinonbasstheelectriklovein

5 ай бұрын

@@MoonCrab00That's why I call B.S. on this because I have reflected & throwing "ownership" into the mix is just a red herring besides your own projection. I value respect & am not interested in "owning" anyone except when someone tries to gaslight me with nonsense. Sir.

Thank you for this message! It helps me a lot! ❤

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

5 ай бұрын

You're welcome! I'm glad it helped. Thanks for watching!

You hit the nail on the head. THANKS I Needed this truth

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome! I'm thrilled that it was helpful. Thank you for watching!

Thank you! had to listen your advices

You’re right. Nothings wrong. I ran from an abusive terrible relationship. Nothing is wrong being away from her.

@rickjeffjeff

21 күн бұрын

Good deal... Sure you already found another.Women need that fix and come down just like a junkie

I'm really pissed that she never have to be alone. She moved right on in with him. I've been alone (not dating) for six years. I feel that all my old insecurities from the past have come back ten fold. I'm 50 yrs old and 5'2" tall and I can't even imagine a happy future. I've done most of the online dating sites but I'm just don't get any hits. This just adds to my bad self image. I feel empty and hopeless. I have no idea what to do.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

I don't know much about your situation, but from what you've written here I think your work has to start with taking responsibility for how you think about yourself. It is normal for a divorce to trigger old insecurities. When that happens you have two choices - stay there, repeating those old, hateful beliefs to yourself over and over, strengthening those neural pathways, OR use this as an opportunity to excavate and challenge those old beliefs. Whenever you are triggered it is an opportunity. Your brain and body are showing you where you have old wounds and limiting self-beliefs that you haven't let go of yet. That trigger is telling you exactly where you need to focus your compassionate attention internally in order to heal, let go and begin intentionally creating the person you want to become.

@T-800Vondew07

2 жыл бұрын

Now you can work on you. Do things you want to do. Remember. Men age like fine wine! Women age like milk! Hang in there. You'll find someone. There are millions of ladies out there. When your ready go out and find her.

Thank you for this. I’m so glad to have found it as I’m already feeling a better sense of understanding and control of where these incessant thoughts are rooted. I’ve been so hung up on this, especially since I was her first and only for 17 years. Then seeing her last week at our kids’ sporting event with her hair and makeup like she’d never done before - looking absolutely stunning - saying she’s going to a party for a work friend… my mind has been in warp speed overdrive! Add in the fact that, probably like many of us, our sex life dried up over the last several years, became more “just get it over with”, no passion, excitement, etc - which of course amplifies how much better this is for her compared to me since she’s only focused on the recent. Then the whole how much bigger he is, new positions, her doing things she’d never do with me… Then I go into since she’s never experienced anyone else, she’ll go into hooking up with everyone because she realizes what she missed out on and the rabbit hole continues 😂 That she’s only ever been with me really aligns with “she’s mine” type of thing - very hard to let go. I just cannot express how much finally understanding why I have these feelings gives me a path forward. It’s been one of the final pieces of my untethering.

What if you struggle with enjoying those images? A mixture of jealousy, anger and pleasure on occasion.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

That's pretty normal. You can use the same strategy, though I should warn you that this approach is a band-aid, not a solution. You can reduce the intensity of the emotions (including any pleasure) by shrinking the image itself, making it darker or pushing it away from you into a corner of your mental space. However, you do have to follow up if you want the image to go away! The underlying cause of these kinds of images are usually coming from primal parts of the brain that have a specific set of beliefs about men, women, relationships, sex, love, marriage and all the rest. In order to make peace with the past and really let go so you are free to move forward, you've got to shine some light on those beliefs and begin to shift them to ones that are more useful for you. If you'd like direct coaching or support around this subject, you can book a consultation with me to discuss working together either by emailing me at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com or directly through my calendar here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy

She will try to torture you with your love for the kids but you still have to leave. Take away your protection and provision by getting out of doge and taking care of yourself. Her and your kids might have to suffer but remember your suffering too. Make her see what life without you completely looks like. Move away and prepare yourself to be who god meant you to be before you met that woman.

@satriani19751

3 ай бұрын

omg. i am thinking about the same but i feel trapped. big time bcs of the kids. and emotional bond. how old are your kids? have you really done this?

@rickjeffjeff

21 күн бұрын

She is taking the kids?? What a great deal..... It's like you are single again and get a fresh piece of pu!$@%%@%y!!!!

I’m also tormented by images of my ex-wife having sex with me. I saved some photos of us as well and I can’t stop looking at them. It is also painful…..,

I haven’t received any call back yet. I really need to speak to someone.

Thank you my situation is very different I love a girl who is engaged and she was my girlfriend then she gets engaged and now I don't know why but we still talk and 10. Days ago she told me that her and and his fiancee had sex 2 times it broke me to the core but after watching your video I feel some relief

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, Soni. I hope you're able to find your way to letting go and moving forwards. I'm glad you found this video helpful.

Your analysis is rather offending to us men who are suffering. You're basically saying it's OK for anyone to copulate with whomever because it's only nature. Thus, I shouldn't be affected emotionally just because another man mates with the woman for whom I have intense love.

@god0fgames100

Жыл бұрын

Way to miss the whole point. She gave you a method of rephrasing the thought in your mind such that you see it for the irrational and emotional thing that it is, and then move past it. Instead you choose to remain in the emotional, hurt place and continue to dwell on someone who didn't choose to be with you. The person you can call the love of you're life isn't going to choose someone over you. Separate your emotions from your toxic thought patterns and begin the process of moving on.

@VetoSantini

Жыл бұрын

@@god0fgames100 nailed it

@jamestunedflat8942

10 ай бұрын

I'm coming to you from the future.... Yes it hurts, and you are going to feel those emotions, but you need to stay focused on yourself, and figure out why it went wrong. There are a lot of creators talking about feminism and the natural order of things( red pill content)which will help you understand why she cheated, and/or left, and what kind of goals you can make for yourself going forward. Be honest, be humble, and forgive yourself, and soon enough the imagery will fade so you can move on with your life. Also if you see feminism as a positive thing, you should probably rethink your values because 9 times out of 10, your ex is a feminist, and she bought into the propaganda saying that she is a goddess who can do no wrong, but YOU need to center yourself back to reality my friend. She can, and has done wrong.

@JohnDon-pj8nv

4 ай бұрын

God bless you

@JohnDon-pj8nv

4 ай бұрын

God 🙏 is powerful

Let it go. You cheated because she wasn't that good in bed anyways. Weaponizing s3x against him will soon follow. And he ain't filling her up like u did. Your insecurities are the issue. Not her laying on her back knowing u were bigger and more true. Know what I mean? Trauma. Unpack your bag and let that go. Forget it. Past doesn't matter. Future unknown. It's a reminder to live in the moment. Present. Right now. The rest don't matter. Xant change or fix it. Failure. Shame. Guilt. Whatever. We're all dealing with it. They to just le5 it be. The poison will eat u otherwise. Be proud get better each step. One foot in front of the other. Chin up. Be greatful. This happened for a reason. Enjoy finding out why. It seems dark. Wait til the light breaks the horizon again. Be patient and have faith. God had plan for u. Ur on the right path believe it or not.

If You suffer from that problem , just watch Morbius, You will give no f about her bc Morbius will be all Your will and desire... Be Morb like Morbius

My wife who adored me and I adored her passed away April 20th 2023 of kidney failure. Now all the sudden memories are flooding me which I never thought about like she went out with the mechanic at the Chevy place she work right before me but she said she never did nothing with him as only two months she couldn't drive so her dad dropped her off at this guy's house who she didn't really like but they wanted her to get out of the house because she is recentlyI gotten divorced and was trying to get her life back together so they're trying to force her to go out she told me she never did anything with the guy but I said how could you stay the weekend with the guy in your mid late forties and not do anything stay a whole weekend and stuff and she swore she didn't do anything she didn't want to but he was in a motorcycle wreck and she is helping him out she said big ugly country boy but she saw his phone at other girls texting him so she stopped seeing him but now it's haunting me everyday this guy on top of her and she not wanting it and stuff and it's torture me and I don't know why I'm ruminating on it and I can't stop it severely destroying me I'm out in the country now we're together out here in the country and she died so now I'm all alone out here and I just can't stop with my thoughts.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Dear Kelley, if you are not already, please start working with a grief counselor or therapist. This is a common response to a loss like this, and I know how agonizing it can be. The NLP technique here is just a tool for short term relief. It is going to take more unpacking, exploration and gentle healing to move through your grief and get lasting relief from these thoughts. This is a good resource for finding a local therapist, please do go see someone, sooner than later. This is not something that any human being is built to go through alone. Getting help is the strong thing to do. www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

It’s about you staying focused on that time so miss doctor how can you stay focused and firm without becoming an addict on drugs or alcohol

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

10 ай бұрын

Awesome question. In my experience it all about nervous system regulation. When emotions and thoughts become intolerable or overwhelming, we seek relief. That often takes the form of drugs, alcohol, overworking, overeating, gambling, etc. There are things we can do to help the nervous system rebalance, and when that happens we become more resilient. Thoughts and emotions become managable. It's a lot to go into here, but I made a masterclass that explains how to activate the right parts of the brain to calm the nervous system. It is a practice of mindfulness which requires some patience, but anyone can master it. You can find the masterclass on the free version of my better beyond divorce app, under Free Resources. You can get the app here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/bbd-free-app

Just realize that your relationship was an illusion. It was all a lie. Leave to another state whether you got kids or not. Become a better new you and then you can try to get some time with your kids. If she makes that difficult, start a new family and try to get in touch when there 18.

If anything, this makes it worse, knowing that it’s natural, supposed to occur, and that instead of feeling sorry for myself, I should be driving that guy away. Unfortunately, fast forward to now I have to take into account that she has betrayed me on top of the mental imaging in my mind of him, penetrating her. This doesn’t make it go away.

Ego and pride! That’s what those jealous feelings are connected to. It’s the same for a woman after your husband has left and taken up with a new woman.

@tysonpadilla8406

9 ай бұрын

It’s not the same for a woman at all! Let’s get that straight now!

@juliepatchouli3944

9 ай бұрын

@@tysonpadilla8406 I am a women and I am speaking of my own reaction and feelings to my ex husband taking up with another woman. You can’t tell me how I feel.

We are not divorced yet. I find my soon to be ex to be the sexiest most beautiful woman I ever knew. We did get together about a month ago and the Sex was porno movie. It was amazing. It also was sensuous. We got together again and it was very good, especially for her . The thought of her doing this with anyone else is making me not want to get divorced. I know we need to, our relationship is toxic. I am so confused. Someone is telling me she probably has cheated or is now. Especially, Because she has gone on a few trips during the marriage . I never worried about anything. I never was jealous when we were together or when I first left. But now as the divorce moves closer and I am so attracted to her I am completely head screwed !

@rodriguezperalta3212

Жыл бұрын

Please update, what happened?

@stevenkovler5133

Жыл бұрын

@@rodriguezperalta3212 I just wrote an update

@Pyrrhic537

9 ай бұрын

​@stevenkovler5133 So are you separated and waiting for divorce? I'm in the same boat but my ex has ghosted me for 3 plus year's apart from a few occasions. She has not divorced me.

@JohnDon-pj8nv

4 ай бұрын

Keep faith in God 🙏

If you are the guy that told me to hang in there a few months ago, that you had been though the same thing as me ( someone telling you to leave your wife) please reach back out

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Steven, I'm not sure who that was a few months back... but if you're looking for a supportive community that can relate, you may find my Better Beyond Divorce Community helpful: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/optin-581398701676850246763

@stevenkovler5133

Жыл бұрын

was a marriage counselor. He said she was an abuser ! I was the one that messed up. I did move back home and then left again because I felt all she wanted was money. I just saw her today and she teased me. But would not have seggs. I even said I would oral satisfy her and did not need anything and she said not until I move back home, which will cost me some money. Then she said she could fugg everyday at this point. Then when I asked her to elaborate, she said that she meant if she was not so stressed. She went out tonight with her girlfriends, but brought a small bag. My OCD mind thinks that it is so she can change into a little outfit and hook up with some guy. She says she has not been with anyone since the last time we were together, but that is 10 weeks! And she is very sensual and beautiful. She is only 47 , I am 60. ​⁠​⁠@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach it

What if are you are saying is completely wrong. In my case. My wife was the first woman I have ever dated or had sex with. I can honestly say I am not jealous. I am just hurt my ex wife doesn’t love me anymore. I am night and day better than the person who she is with. This is completely opposite in this case. What advice would you give me? Thank you. I am spinning out of control

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

10 ай бұрын

Hi Rob, thanks for watching and for sharing a little of your experience with me. I would recommend a few things: 1. Get support to deal with the difficult emotions. I cannot overstate how important this is. Divorce is traumatic, and human nervous systems need support to deal effectively with trauma. It is just how our physiology works. This could look like: - Working with a therapist (especially if you find yourself having any thoughts about hopelessness, despair, suicide or self harm, then this is absolutely essential!) - Talking openly with good friends and family - Joining me in the Better Beyond Divorce Community (you can get the free version of my new App here, and join the community through that: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/bbd-free-app) 2. Work on processing your own emotions physically. Mindful awareness of emotional pain activates the part of the brain that will help calm your nervous system, stopping the spiralling out of control feeling. Ways to do this: - Work with me directly, I offer an entire training course on this (details here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/emotional-regulation-program ) - Work with a somatic or Emotionally Focused Therapist - Read Peter Levine's Waking the Tiger and do the exercises - Read Suzanne Scurlock-Durana's Full Body Presence and do the exercises - Do the Sky Breath & Meditation workshop: sky-breath.org/ 3. Once you have a little breathing room emotionally, it's time to process your sense of identity and what was lost during the divorce. What did it mean to you that your ex wife was your first? How did your marriage help you define who you are in the world? Who are you now, after her? Who do you want to become going forwards? What do you know to be true about yourself, what are you afraid might be true? These kinds of questions will allow you to unpack your feelings and start to heal the wounds left by the divorce, so you can intentionally rebuild yourself and your life moving forward. It has been my experience that this work has to come second to the emotional stuff - the nervous system needs support to settle enough for you to do the mental work.

You'll got it easy, I dated her at age 14 up to 18 with no sexual intercourse(due to culture), now she will have it with someone else. That kills.

@mr.hazrat8915

9 ай бұрын

I can understand 😢, it's hurting, the thoughts, every damn thing..

this is killing me

GOOD RIDDANCE… she was a pain in the a$$. Thank goodnesss she is gone.

@JohnDon-pj8nv

4 ай бұрын

Jesus said forgive

If your woman has good relationships with multiple men. Ditch her. One or more are your replacement. Do not forget that. You can’t turn a 304 into a housewife.

@JohnDon-pj8nv

4 ай бұрын

Keep praying 🙏 to God that the world will be a better place amen.

😂😂😂😂Great video

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Thanks John!

Maybe he's blonde hair and blue eyes 👀 you think so! Maybe he's brown-eyed with wavy hair! Lol🤷🏿‍♂️

it's gonna be a long life

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

That's certainly how a lot of my clients feel in the beginning. Fortunately there are a lot of things you can do to take back control of what happens inside your brain and free yourself to actually enjoy that long life :)

Junk

This is worthless advice..

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

Жыл бұрын

Hi Tim, I'm sorry this exercise didn't work for you. It's not a fix, but it is a good band-aid for a lot of people, as it gives them the emotional distance they need to work through the underlying issues. I hope you're able to find the right support for yourself. This is not an easy thing to move through and it can become all-consuming for many people.

@Matt-je5yr

Жыл бұрын

Not to mention he is now in the house that you lost in the divorce in the same bedroom and on the same bed you used to sleep on with your ex wife. Of course its normal for a man to resent this and he should. The best way to work past this is to replace her with someone better. Any other advice is just mental exercises that dont accomplish anything.

@thebilldozer7970

Жыл бұрын

@@Matt-je5yr dont forget she is funding the romance with your money, while your so broke no woman would ever talk to you.

@rickjeffjeff

21 күн бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣