I was one of those children and I was miserable. I believe do-gooders felt the need to be good to get love and acceptance because we see it as conditional

@montexic5201

7 ай бұрын

Facts. This guy in the video doesn’t get it

@Prolixitasty

7 ай бұрын

@@montexic5201He's right but he's not referring to the source of that lifestyle. If you're someone that people like, that will undoubtedly be a massive advantage in life. However, if you teach children the source of their value is external, they will be miserable. I think this is where many parents fail. Many understand that being loved by society is hugely beneficial, but not at the cost of the individuals mental health - obviously.

@lifeseries7944

7 ай бұрын

@@Prolixitasty I agree. You explain perfectly! :)

@Hanzo_theodd

7 ай бұрын

Fact

@montexic5201

6 ай бұрын

​@@Prolixitasty but the idea that the guy presents, is placing value on the external parts of a child's life. he says, "make your children socially acceptable." taking involvement in the child's social behavior assumes a level of condition to your parental love. Yes, tell your child to not hit others, to not bully others, to be kind. However, don't let them place their value on whether adults are reacting positively to them or not. that level of meticulousness in children is dangerous, especially in a world where adults are often unkind to children for non-objective reasons. socially acceptable behavior is important to adults in a society, but that is something for the child to figure out. the rhetoric of assuming responsibility for your child's success in society is dangerous because the child will confuse their wants and needs with your wants and needs. enter narcissistic parenting. Why are participation prizes bad? why do we value a child's worth by an "objective" value system? why can't you praise your child even if they aren't the best in the class? what this guy says is ridiculous. you'll see the effects of this behavior in immigrant families. kids come out traumatized and without a sense of self because their parents regulated their love to them on the condition of academic achievement. this type of parenting kills imagination and life. i think what you're saying has a lot of value, but this guy's not preaching a healthy way to approach that success.

Ironically I was that kid and learned at every expense of my self to please every person but myself. I have had zero self esteem for years and have been abused ,used thrown away. I see his point but there is a lot more factors that need taught.

@kevinmartincossiolozano8245

10 ай бұрын

It's very different being a socially acceptable person and a people pleaser. You'd have to be competent, smart, able to socialize with others and engage in any type of conversation. It's very difficult actually. How can a person so competent have low self esteem? They have many ways to regulate their emotions and engage in meaningful conversations to resolve their issues.

@skyarland

10 ай бұрын

❤ I'm with you there. He does talk about the other side needed to balance it, just not in this video.

@YerpYerpizzle-xw7tk

10 ай бұрын

I know court you are tough and can do better be the you ,you want to be

@musicgal9830

8 ай бұрын

That’s okay you were only a child. Don’t be discouraged ❤ God teaches us all lessons throughout life to be able to grow and develop. Nobody is perfect or righteous, not one person. You did the best you could with what you were given and you have enough self awareness to understand that this wasn’t good.

@jujupants2486

7 ай бұрын

People pleasers, which is what you've described yourself as, will light themselves on fire to keep others warm. Metaphorically speaking of course. People often seek the path of least resistance and will often abuse that kindness, sometimes unkowingly, or at best take it for granted which is the same as being unappreciative. Competent people often can inspire others to do better even if by an indirect example. The difference is competent people can care for others but they never forget to take care of themselves. Much like Rule 2 in Dr Peterson's 12 Rules for Life: "Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping."

You do have to tell them they can be anything they want to be., of course, by hard work. I believe all children need to hear that. It opens up all possibilities for them. I made it clear to my daughter she could do much better than me and SHE DID. So proud and so blessed.

@Saint.Holy.Sinner

10 ай бұрын

respect+++

At age 12, my dentist removed 8 of my excess teeth. This gave my face a gaunt sunken appearance, and I started getting pushed by girls after school and at my weekend job. People respond negatively to even minor negativities in our appearance or behaviour. It is what is. Our social world. So JP’s sdvice to ‘present well’ socially for social acceptance is reality we need to manage.

@mistamatthias8786

11 ай бұрын

You're so right. When I was young tall n skinny people are rude. When you're a scary adult man 6'4 n 17 stone people suddenly become very respectful and nice. That really irritates me. Grrr

@Black.Sabbath

4 ай бұрын

Did you sue them

So true, I'm a middle child, always had to work hard to get noticed.

@BlindxAF

10 ай бұрын

I gave up

@SyedaShah-cq9ti

8 ай бұрын

​@BlindxAF, please don't .

Ive found almost everyone likes support from those around them . But its important to teach your child to look for the missing pieces. Pay attention. Listen to whats being said. Find the one thing that can solve the dilemma then you have made a friend

What he means is that parents have to have high expectations for their children and help them to understand they need to be likeable. This means helpful, polite, able to listen, etc. Instead of "they're just kids, OF COURSE they're terrible and loud and break everything and interrupt adults and make demands." He's talking about having the understanding that being good kids paves the way to being happy, productive, peaceful adults.

@IvannaScream72

6 ай бұрын

Parents can have high expectations and be very negative and abusive. Hmm tell them to be likeable , what’s that mean . Be a people pleaser?. Children mimic their parents. They look up to them as the role models. So if you are not a self confident humble person how do you expect to have children like that. Are you a parent ?

@sandralangstaff3719

6 ай бұрын

@@IvannaScream72 there are two different things that we're talking about, apparently. There's "how children should behave, especially around adults," and there's "how they should behave when they grow up / when they're adults." My focus in this conversation has been on how CHILDREN should behave, only. Of course, once they're grown they can choose to behave differently, as all adults make their own choices about such things.

@IvannaScream72

6 ай бұрын

@@sandralangstaff3719 children will behave according to how they are raised, and how they feel about themselves. Adults need to know how to behave for children to behave “proper” and to grow up to be respectful, productive adults. Sheesh, it’s common sense.

@Black.Sabbath

4 ай бұрын

It doesn't happen that way. There are more brats than there are well behaved (like I was), so the good kids end up messed up.

This simple truth should be taught to every child over and over from the age of six to about fifteen. It's so simple, but there are millions of parents and children who never think it through. Try it. Simple does work.

Never underestimate how valuable it is that ur kid can roll a decent joint.

I love Jordan Peterson and this is the only clip I don't agree with and I seem not to be the only one.

@JohnWick-lk9xq

4 ай бұрын

Well. Whats the alternative a xhild with no friends,bullied,teachers mocking them,etc

@vendogg

2 ай бұрын

@@JohnWick-lk9xqyou wouldn’t understand

@theCynicalChicken

2 ай бұрын

This is the first clip I've ever seen of this person, and I greatly disagree with what he's saying here. I was a respectful, "well regulated" kid, whose teachers responded positively to, and my self esteem is crap. Just because others liked you as a child, or you were well tolerated by adults and your peers, doesn't mean you end up liking yourself.

@willek1335

2 ай бұрын

@@theCynicalChicken what about the participation award -concept?

@Intensive_Porpoises

Ай бұрын

@@theCynicalChicken Did you not notice when he said 'probability'?

I am learning this right now, I was too much pleasing to everyone, I was too much pleasing to my friends specially my best friend, I believed that maybe my life would be hell without them because of the continuous accumulation of negativity inside myself but now when our 7 years of friendship broke because of his meant deed, h now realise that nothing has changed except that now I can choose whom to please and whom to help, I feel like now I have the sails of boat in my own hands

This video's perspective on the link between setting positive goals and enhancing self-esteem has motivated me to establish personal goals, fostering a sense of achievement and bolstering my self-worth.

SPOT ON !! Accountable 😊❤ MR JORDAN

Thanks for the truth. Couldn’t agree more 😂

You guys!!! I have an average vocabulary, but can keep up mentally w those that have a high IQ vocabulary. You’ve got to listen to JP and Russell Brand interview. I was lost as can be 😅

To ameliorate is to step in and make a bad situation better.

Working on being socially acceptable goes against the idea of having self esteem. According to me, self esteem is a personal thing and if one has it, they will have it whether they are socially accepted or not. One needs to express what they think or feel whether it's accepted or not.

I was one of those kids and did not care what people thought of me and I stayed out of trouble because I cared about what my dad thought of me

Please include the safety factor. It’s necessary to teach kids how to “be acceptable” in society, without becoming too agreeable. Guidance can help them to identify and protect themselves from predators of all types. Predators love agreeable targets in social situations.

Hahahah this was me as a child … my Teachers and neighbors loved me… despite the family disfunctions, that helped a lot.

I appreciate being told we get self-esteem through esteemable acts and thought. That always helps me redirect: ---

Absolutely true

Thanks for this valuable idea. How does ADHD play into this?

True 💯

Ameliorated

Socially acceptable is not a fix I'm 6'5 and ugly with bad teeth people don't care regardless of how I dress, speak, or act I'm a weird person to everyone and it's a shame the world has come to that🥺

@mr.parazit5484

9 ай бұрын

Bro just workout take your height as an advantage

@local.okc.gymrat

9 ай бұрын

@@mr.parazit5484 I'm 234 and 10 percent bodyfat, being in shape doesn't do anything

@kevinmartincossiolozano8245

8 ай бұрын

@@local.okc.gymrat You can probably fix your teeth and a few little things. It takes some effort but sure, the world is very punishing for artificial things

@janelouisewar3633

8 ай бұрын

Hey! God loves you and is crazy about you. People look too much to the outside and not at the heart. Just having a good heart makes you the most beautiful and you will live a blessed life. Sorry if these beliefs are offensive. Would you rather be in control of your supply of love and validation or give that control to folks that tell you just to go to the gym and fix your teeth. Shit is deeper than that. Always.

@isidredicus6159

7 ай бұрын

There's someone for everyone and there's someone out there even for you. Focus more on maturing emotionally and that's what will get you a woman more than looks. I promise we aren't all the same and not all of us only look at the physical but beyond. Focus on your strong points and what you know you have to bring to a relationship and exercise those so that when "she" comes for you you'll be ready to accept what you've asked for. Good luck 😉.

Bravo .

*ameliorated

same w/ adults too, not just kids

Who else looked up Ameliorated? Thank you Jordan

No. Bullies can be popular. Socially acceptable? Bullies push themselves to be popular.

@gracelewis6071

8 ай бұрын

Popular isn't the same as well liked. "Popular" is usually far more about what people think they can get from that person as well as fearing them - that's someone who has very few if any friends. I'm seeing it in my kid's school now, I feel bad for them.

I was definitely not socially acceptable. I’m still not. I’m trying to do manifestation to fix it.

Increase thier self-esteem

your self esteem isnt judged on passerbys perspective of you, its judged on the people you secret want to notice or care. self esteem is a mix of coping an greed.

Understand 100% With autistic, right now 18 year old. ❤

Crazy I received like three of them

Every parent wants their child to be exceptionally popular. I would say that most parents in the district where I teach value popularity over academics 100 times more. Probably it’s not everybody can be popular it’s a comparative term so if you have popular kids there will also inevitably be unpopular kids.

YAY! I did that right 😅

FINALLY.. SOMEONE SAYS IT! THANK YOU JP

That is the absolute truth!!!! Its not oppression or whatever they say now. Its basic social human behavior and nothing more to it, Simple truth. Sounds mean, but socializing your children is a must!

I agree

The very first lesson that children need to be taught is simply, "The Universe does not revolve around you."

👏👏👏👍😊

If you don't teach them, the world will. And the world is a cruel mistress.

💯🎯

Amuleration.. amelurated. wait. I need to watch it again to examine this word. Edit. It was wrong on the subtitles. OP trying to make me look worse than I already did trying to figure that word out Ameliorated-to make or become better

"Ameliorated"

You also dont do that by constantly punishing your child for not reaching high expectations you put on them yourself.

Someone have the name or link to the whole video? Please?

I was like that as a child. Didn't help me one bit. 🤣

@adamlotfi6445

Жыл бұрын

Same experience 😅

@maryfields1382

8 ай бұрын

Same. It taught me to believe that everyone else is way more important than me.

I was not a popular child. I was scared, shy, and bullied. Finally, in high school, I'd had enough and learned how to speak up for myself. Now, as an adult, I'm extremely confident and out spoken. Going through that childhood trauma showed me who I am and what I can do. It's totally worth having a horrible childhood in exchange for a wonderful adulthood.

Nah, fam. I was quiet and filled with anxiety.

That's what popular means....I thought it was a street....

Me looking up Amulerated😭

Well my child is Autistic and ADHD 😢 Guess that goes OUT the window. He cant help his behavior and being in public is very difficult due to sensory issues

Try having one of those participation trophy award winners as your employee. They all have "Temper Tantrum Throwing Adult Syndrome".

...and raise people pleaser." he wanted to say.

@aude2sapere

Жыл бұрын

What

@JosephUnta

Жыл бұрын

​@@aude2sapere .. what he said.

@dkillips

Жыл бұрын

sadly a people pleaser is unlimitedly more successful than an outcast. you want to roll the dice on being a successful visionary, good luck. its not the best route for nearly every human being

@onthecouchwithdonatodavis9569

Жыл бұрын

How is raising someone to be socially acceptable meaning carrying a good reputation and is pleasant be around making them a people pleaser. Good Lord we’re truly lost as a society

@Leaf219

Жыл бұрын

Yeah. Don't care for people be selfish scumbag instead

Amelurated

They need to know they need to do their own homework, You can help if they have a question .. guide them.. but you cannot do it for them. You will cripple them when they are on their own at college.

Ameliorate

I’ve seen another video of his where he is saying how important it is to praise children for trying hard because it builds their confidence. Isn’t that what a participation medal is? I don’t know why some people of his generation are so against them but I suspect it’s because they never got one and they are a bit sore about it

Very very astute but when do you just live

So that’s what wrong with the 18-35 year olds

No I had to look the words up that he used at the end I wonder sometimes if he uses these words to make himself sound intelligent which sometimes drives me crazy

What he doesn’t say is if you are a mean and critical parent or obvious preferential to one child that the “leftover” will be preyed on in life because they always need to please people. My mom never wanted daughters and let that be known, my brothers got so much attention. Even as an adult nothing I do is good enough. She was enabled by my father and it’s really hard to be in a relationship with them. Your children will end up hating you if you are a jerk and they do not forget later in life.

Actually this makes a lot of sense I mean we were taught as children to respect our elders

Narcissists talks about self esteem. Who other would be obsessed by appraisal.

@user-qm3ww7ix6y

Жыл бұрын

Get some help you definitely need it

@ranc1977

Жыл бұрын

@@user-qm3ww7ix6y That is what evil person would say.

ameliorated was spelt incorrectly

PALMER A WOAH MEN YERRATED

I have a bastard father who does just the opposite to a kid. Kid is closer to father,don't knis if it's genuine or based on fear. I literally see my kid declining and don't know what to do,because if i fight,i get massive cobtrratack not only from him

Amelurated, uh never heard it on ielts

Well, that's exactly what the majority of American society has done- given their golden child an unearned sense of entitlement. As for me, it has been a catch 22- damned if I do; damned if I don't. I can even recall my 5th grade schoolteacher acknowledge my good manners while she criticized everything else about my potential contributions to society.

My home life my parents did not do this

Wow he is 100000% correct. Let them be who they are is terrible parenting. Especially if you kid is weird or a jerk then they should be anyone else but themselves

The nerd that was bullied mercilessly tells you how to fit in. Ok buddy.

@gangstalking and no touch torture... targetting them this talk is 😂

I thought self-esteem wasn’t a real thing Jordan. Make up your mind.

Just curious how those mega extreme kids who are introverts excelled in life without those social skills

@kristinegreco3513

7 ай бұрын

😂

Didn't work for me...

To be well like but don't base your self-esteem on that.

This isnt true as I currently live this life I know im just one person but I am also a factor im not alone love u guys

@user-rv2is5vq3r

9 ай бұрын

I wish it were true

Can we take Joker Peterson participation reward in psychology?? he does not deserve to be a professional psychologist.

@phoebemarple5094

7 ай бұрын

Sooooo you don't believe in common sense?

Yes! My mother was spoiled by hrr grandparents & grew up to be a spoiled rotten child in an asult body. Horrible parent!! Please don't spoil your kids in the ne if self esteem.

Nanny-State stuff shows that this generation was not well taught by the last one.

until your boss gets jealous of you and destroys you.. and then you have to stop..yeah no i am over that.. i don't need attention.. I think when you do that, you make them dependent on society to even affirm their gender.. no thank you. sorry, this fell flat..

@Czesiek123

Жыл бұрын

He is Talking about children, not adults

Dumb @sekolahdjuwita need to hear this

Ok well what if society is fu&ked?

The question is how do you do that? If you rely on coercion, there’s a good chance it will backfire. Or the kid could have good behavior but you’ll have killed their soul.

@blakebunch4485

7 ай бұрын

It has to be done by the age of 4 so the professionals claim.

See he might be right, but is he kind? Should parents of disagreeable or autistic children try to perform better?

😂

The criminals should not get near children, that's most important, calloused thst cannot be human statused too... Who will want their children to be abused slightest too by insane roads .. What terribly filthy thought processess...

a bunch of fluff words which basically mean, build your child's self esteem by making them popular lol. Terrible advice. Maybe this channel clipped it out of context too.

Disagree. Yes, teach your child social etiquette. But that just sounds like someone who gets taught to earn approval. I wouldnt call that high self esteem.

Falsely inflating ego?

I love Jordan , but I disagree with this as a mother of four and aunt to many kids of all ages , the kids he is describing are the most miserable most anxious lowest self worth most people pleasing , I don't wish any of my kids to turn out like this kid.

Emulerated? Lmao

We find a support from Jesus, not from people. Rely on people and you will be doomed, rely on Jesus and you will have a peace,

@Kremithefrog1

Жыл бұрын

He's talking about kids. They can't have a true connection with Jesus till they're older. Yes, introduce them to our Lord but I think you may have missed the message here.

Why use a Exaggerated example for such a common sense solution 89.75 % (fact) use all the time unless you are inflating a false reality. Question his agenda like he asks you to

No my daughter doesnt

what the fuuck is amuliated?