When i was a CHILD i remember telling my mom “i feel like I’m just sitting watching everyone else live their life and I’m just watching mine stand still.” She said “thats a sad way to feel”. Your mason jar analogy fits what ive felt my whole life. I start therapy this week. I’m 32! Looking forward to it!

@Flowering19

Жыл бұрын

Hi AD. I can resonate w you, I was literally just talking to my friend about this tonight 🙏best wishes to you, & never forget how strong you are.✨

@RAMomof5T1D2

10 ай бұрын

My husband has BPD and this seems an accurate description. He feels left out of our own family.

Hi my bpd friends. Big hug with love to all 💖💋

@KimPosteryournewpenpal

3 жыл бұрын

Big hugs!! 🌸🌸

@Nat-hu4gq

3 жыл бұрын

@@KimPosteryournewpenpal ❤🌺🌹 smiles and hugs back

@staciamellendorf7745

3 жыл бұрын

Big hugs!!! I could use a BPD friend!!!! No one gets me!!!

@ruckusdisorder1088

2 жыл бұрын

I really needed this today thank you.

@5ino3vil

Жыл бұрын

Thank youuuuu

I think it’s absolutely vital that the whole family learns DBT Skills. This is called a person’s ‘circle of care’.

@JR-uo4ep

3 жыл бұрын

Do you have a link you could share?

@Noahsoak

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. I'm pretty angry because I don't feel things went like they could have if I had been in the loop of what really was going on. Of course I knew the diagnosis, but had no clue what to expect or how to help and react. Everything was reactionary and fearful. My loved one an adult so I wasn't included voluntarily. I made many mistakes.

@janicemarticorena2482

2 жыл бұрын

@@Noahsoak hi I feel that way too By any chance. do you have a useful link to share ?

@janicemarticorena2482

2 жыл бұрын

Hi. do you have a useful link or something for parents of adult children with undiagnosed BPD

@JDforeveralone

2 жыл бұрын

@@janicemarticorena2482 hope someone will reply! In the same boat!

"Maybe they're worried about you because bpd plays tricks: maybe you're gonna cheat on them, maybe you're gonna die in an accident, maybe you're gonna get kidnapped, I don't know, so text them "I'm fine" and throw an emoji in there to make them feel better" LOL I feel targeted but that's extremely accurate. I always feel better when my partner checks in with me and sends me a heart or whatever, it is like a weight lifted off of my chest because I know they are safe and alive and they still love me.

@Seremonii

3 жыл бұрын

This come off as negative but you are so right. My ex actually told me that check ins are important cause it calms anxiety and it's nice when they're thought of. I didn't feel like he was controlling but I can see how someone else might. Everyone has comfort needs.

@interestinglyenough7601

3 жыл бұрын

This is helpful to know and also in general, people with BPD have a Love Language just like everyone else. However, “checking in” (unless I’m going to return later than I said) is totally outside of my personal boundaries, and I can’t see how that doesn’t open the door to controlling or manipulative behavior.

@rosem5558

3 жыл бұрын

Totally agree with this... unless it's a more intense or unmanageable level of BPD that one suffers from, in that case the thoughts and feelings have already taken over... I'm really glad it works for you though :)

@twistedalicemcgee

3 жыл бұрын

@@interestinglyenough7601 well the point is to minimize the possible emotional reactions of the person. I know that if I don't hear from my significant other, at the time, I get worried that something happened. It may seem ridiculous, but I start to panic. I get so scared I will cry so I have to stay distracted. It is something that people with BPD can work on, but until there is a plan for that, it is helpful to the relationship and the person, I think. My ex didn't understand, but I tried to work on it. I got better at not messaging, but the whole time I didn't, I worried. Just my two cents.

@twistedalicemcgee

3 жыл бұрын

@@rosem5558 people can come back from that. Unless they kill themselves.

No other channel offers any actionable suggestions when in a BPD relationship. No one else offers hope. Amazing perspective.

@Portia620

2 жыл бұрын

I’t didn’t work for me. Maybe his new girlfriend that has a degree in psychology like me. You can’t change people that say they want to change but don’t. He never had time to work on self growth. I think it’s awesome when people work on their self.

@jamesgerboc

2 жыл бұрын

@@Portia620 I’m not sure about that either. My ex was involved in 3 “transformation” workshops that was designed by a psychologist. I believe they were developed to “help you become your best self.” Her motto became, “Be bold. Be brave. Be you.” She had no outward sign that she lacked self esteem. In fact, quite the opposite and became one of their coaches. She journaled every sign day. I didn’t read it but it seemed to involve a childhood trauma that she continued to fight. I thought the journal was causing her to relive the trauma and allow it to dominate her life. My point is, her entire focus was on her self, and her growth, mentally and physically, to a point that she was toxic in a relationship. I didn’t try to change her, just understand and love her. But I often wondered if she was a better person prior to her “transformation.”

@ZoeMagnes

Жыл бұрын

For partners that need help with developing their boundaries, a good resources Dr. Romani's videos on narcissistic abuse. Because sometimes there are reasons why a partner might want to stay in the relationship, but they need really strong boundaries.

@MWRoss

Жыл бұрын

I have some advice: If your partner has BPD and they drink, run. Do not stay. It is not worth it.

@jamesgerboc

Жыл бұрын

@@MWRoss Can you explain?

You’re the best. I’ll never be tired to say that I wish so much you were my therapist 😭

@Hinatafan4ever666

3 жыл бұрын

Honestly, I kind of wish he was my therapist too lol. But I have a good therapist, I just feel overwhelmed. Is your current therapist helping you?

@reginaweems6563

3 жыл бұрын

I was really thinking the same thing for the past couple of videos now. I have no therapists. I split with that a long time ago. So for now his videos will have to do. May shorten my installment pain plan that I really didn't know I had🤔😊

My wife and I have read and learned everything we could get our hands on. We have gotten our son all the professional help we could find. We have done absolutely everything we’re been told regarding family therapy. Nothing has improved his behavior. He seems to have no interest whatsoever to lift a finger to help himself. The mental and emotional health…and now physical health…of our family is being destroyed from the inside out. It’s been a nightmare…for 19 years. I now feel the priority should be to protect us from him. It’s time for him to want to get better…we can’t want it more than him.

@victorial8764

15 күн бұрын

Is he on medication? Look up Dr. Josef. So serious. I’m really sorry for all you’ve been through. I pray you have strength today. And more importantly peace. ❤

@nostalgicgirrl6053

9 сағат бұрын

Comments from parents like you honestly leave me a bit sad and shocked at the same time. I’m an adult child with BPD who’s been in treatment for a couple of years now. I’ve made a lot of progress and achieved moderate (as much one can expect with a debilitating disorder like bpd) academic/career growth, thanks to therapy. Since I was first diagnosed 5 years ago, the only thing my parents have done to “help me” is agreed to sponsor my therapy sessions. I’ll give them due credit and am very grateful for their financial support. However, they haven’t done any of what you mentioned. They don’t acknowledge that I have BPD. They have never initiated a discussion with me from their end. They have never read up on what this disorder is, or the kind of emotional suffering I go through. They haven’t checked out any of the “Family of BPD person” resources I’ve shared with them. My parents have not changed their patterns of emotional invalidation, disrespect of boundaries, and their own toxic domestic environment. I continue to suffer through their invalidating jibes at me while actively trying to heal my wounded psyche. I want to move out and be financially independent from them as soon as I can. My comment seeks to show you that there are different kinds of people with BPD, and that variety extends to parents too.. I guess. Here you are - struggling with your son who seems to have no self awareness of bpd traits, yet you try your best to study his symptoms and treatment. And here I am - A self aware BPD sufferer under long-term treatment who’s coping with her ignorant parents and their abusive dynamic.

As a parent, I feel helpless and hopeless most days. Thank you for giving me some hope.

@symetrical_broccoli_3382

Жыл бұрын

@Rebecca Chapman i second that

@crissieroserose

10 ай бұрын

i hear you

@johannao.1080

8 ай бұрын

As a child in its twenties with BPD, I am glad that especially my mum never gave up on me. And I think nowadays she feels rewarded for that, because all our joint efforts to get the disorder in control actually started to bloom more than ever. Back in time we would argue when I visit her for a day or two. Short time ago I visited her for full two weeks without major trouble. It is the result of very hard work and true love.

@neweyeswideopen

6 ай бұрын

I just got the official diagnosis from Dr for my 19 year old . ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ you just gave another mum some hope. You got this kiddo!!!

@recipehacker9752

17 күн бұрын

Your general points are accurate. However, perhaps the most important suggestion is missing: to motivate the affected individual to assume more personal responsibility for their problems and suffering. One way to do so is to get help. To that end, others can help them find and begin services with treatment groups, psychologists, psychiatrists, NAMI). These patients are best served by teams and that’s great as family and friends benefit from the extra support. In addition, support groups for them exist too!

I just want to tell you the way you speak FOR US , means everything to someone like me. Thank you for caring, thank you for you taking the time out your days to make so many videos that are seriously helpful, and positively speaking about recovery

@jennylynnculbertson9086

Жыл бұрын

It's life saving

I legit cried watching this... it cut me so deep that I am this way and I cant help it. It made me feel like who would want me... when they can have someone who isnt like this. Im so triggered... this was so hard to watch omg.

@ashtenstephenson4867

3 жыл бұрын

LidiaBellaItaliana I feel ya! That was definitely my first reaction when I saw this a few weeks ago. I cried hard thinking about my bf of the last year and a half and how much he truly puts up with. Then I sent it to him and turned it into a test, getting upset every day that he didn’t watch it. Eventually I just turned it on and we watched it together, me in his arms & him paying attention & saying the perfect things... luckily turned out good for a change :)

@francesmorris8881

3 жыл бұрын

You are not your disorder and are so deserving of love ❤️

@twistedalicemcgee

3 жыл бұрын

Because they love you. I have had a couple of people who would stay with me, but I can't handle my jealousy. I gave up.

@Fingolfin455

3 жыл бұрын

I feel you.. Right there. Every word.

@Kathrynlove

3 жыл бұрын

I know..it is very hard. Nobody does want us BUT you can still live a good life by becoming your own best friend and finding things you like to do and just keep living...

Today is Mother’s Day. I woke up early this morning to bake my mom a cake and make her breakfast in bed. She was very greatful then shut her door and turned her light off, and this triggered my fear of abandonment instantly making me feel terrible about myself. These negative thoughts kept compounding and I got very mad. When I came back into the house after a walk (which didn’t calm me down) my dog barked at me and I yelled at him, this caused my mom to come out of her room and scold me for yelling at him. My response was to yell at her “I don’t give a f what day it is, I’m running away” She tried to calm me down and talk through it but I just kept yelling and cussing before storming out. I had no desire to run away the entire time, I have no idea why I did that and it completely ruined her day. I just don’t understand why I reacted that way when I wasn’t mad at her, I now feel like self harming because I feel like this cannot be forgiven, she will forever remember this day for the negatives and the good things were pointless. I just wish I could go one day without screwing everything up.

I still feel pretty lost as a parent but I'll never give up on my kid. Thanks for the video.

@Kathrynlove

3 жыл бұрын

If your kid has bpd. It's because of the environment you created and how you treated them in their childhood so...you should have been thinking about that years ago.

@jaeljade3609

3 жыл бұрын

@@Kathrynlove it sounds like you were horribly hurt to have such strong opinions. I think studying bpd more might help you realize that not everyone with bpd had a horrible childhood. She is very much loved and I wasn't the only parent involved. She went through our divorce with us when she was 3. Not having her dad around the house anymore hurt her so much that for days she refused to eat. She's incredibly sensitive and after I wrote this, she called and we are back on track. I'm the person she loves the most and unfortunately those ppl become targets for them. There was so much she made up. That's common in bpd. I was never good with discipline and creating boundaries with her because I felt so bad she went through that divorce. I spoiled her with love because of that and it wasn't the right thing to do for her. She needed more help but at the young age I was myself. I was clueless and had no family myself to lean on for support or direction. I take full responsibility for not getting her help earlier. She's also transgender and that's difficult enough as it is for her. I'm not going to say I was the number one parent in the world but I was kind and loving. At this point she is so sorry for hurting me so bad but I'm just happy to have her back in my life so we can work on boundaries together. I live in Florida and she's in Wisconsin. She was 24 when we moved. I wanted her to come with us but she was afraid to be in the south because of hate crimes against gay and transgender ppl. Me moving didn't hit her for a bit but when it did she was angry at me for leaving although she could have come with us. I think that really triggered her. I'm flying up there shortly and we have plans to just be happy with each other like it used to be for most all her life. I give myself a little credit because I was accused of really serious stuff. I forgive her with no problem, I know she's sick. She understands she is too. I'm not perfect either and not having her in my life took such a toll on me too. If you have bpd because of abuse I'm so sorry for you. I wish the best for you.

@katiejoann4948

3 жыл бұрын

@@jaeljade3609 just by watching these videos you care ♥️ keep doing what you’re doing. i’m trying to figure myself out rn.

@jaeljade3609

3 жыл бұрын

@@katiejoann4948 thank you! I hope everything works out for you. I know it will. Nothing ever stays the same. You might always have bpd but in time i hope things are less stressful for you. Take care of yourself. ❤️

@MsLoila

3 жыл бұрын

Must be tough! But it's really wonderful that you are so committed to help her manage it.

I dated the extreme BPD for a year and a half. Broke my heart, but opened my eyes.

​I had a couple job interviews and I was afraid to call them back because i thought they didn't like me. i'm becoming more aware of the BPD lens.. I just realized that after i meet someone I think. They didn't like me very much.... maybe it is just my misunderstanding..... people like me

@DrDanielFox

3 жыл бұрын

Call those potential employers back!! Fight your lens!!

@zaharralb

3 жыл бұрын

Going through this too. Good luck Eric!

@LaGrossePaulik

3 жыл бұрын

I understand you Eric. This BPD prism is a liar, don't forget that and don't listen to it! I wish you good luck and don't hesitate to keep us updated :) 👋

@Portia620

2 жыл бұрын

You should be asking yourself if you like the person that’s around you or are they safe for you things like that instead of the other way around.

@EricMeatlikeaking

2 жыл бұрын

@@Portia620 and everyone. thanks. for reminding me about this. i have an update. I got a job in October and I was fired in December right before Christmas. I tried my best but they really didn't like me. LOL. It's funny and it's sad. It wasn't that big of a deal because I was there for a greater purpose. It was like a mission from God and a helpful experience and maybe a stepping stone to something better. I'm not sure exactly when I posted this comment but Jesus saved me last year 4/19 and gave me the Holy Spirit it changed everything. Well it's working with me. I got a new job this month just about a week ago. It's really cool but it's like a volunteer job, but they they should be able to help me get a paying job soon. And I think i finally found some people that like me. I made a couple friends from church. I'm trying to stay positive and keep making progress. I have made sooo much progress in the last year. I hope the same for everyone.

When I hurt myself 3 weeks ago I rang the mental health team who were assessing me and their reply was “you have to wait until your next appointment 3 weeks away to be seen”!! No one came to check on me nor did they send me to inpatient! I wish there was more therapists like you, who take it very seriously.

@mickyzzzeee

Жыл бұрын

This is true

@ekaterinastaneva9922

Жыл бұрын

Gosh, which country is this?

@mickyzzzeee

Жыл бұрын

@@ekaterinastaneva9922 it’s the same in Australia

@amyburns3579

Жыл бұрын

The Uk

@loriritchie1156

7 ай бұрын

Happens a lot in the US also. Shortage of therapists since COVID

Omg transparency is everything. I am literally like a sniffer dog. Constantly assessing the situation. Boundaries double standards and communication are key....otherwise my head spins with a multitude of negative and failure narratives.

@andreal.tribble2042

2 жыл бұрын

I used to describe being in my head , was like six reel to reel playing different movies at once This is the best advice I've heard for BPD. I was in my 40s and had been in pscych therapy since age 12,and didn't KNOW this was what I have. I have co- occuring disorders, 5 mental "disorders" and Fragile X Syndrome. I can't say well this Is from this and that is from blank, they overlap. And let me also say NOT ALL BPDS HAD ABUSIVE HORRIBLE PARENTS!!!!

@ZoeMagnes

Жыл бұрын

As a BPD person, one thing that has created even more baggage that I bring to my current relationship is that I had so many interactions with toxic abusive people in the past. Those people knew I was an easy target. And actually that's also true for my partner, who does not have BPD but was emotionally abused by family members and past partners. That means when I'm distressed and starting to get aggressive because my brain is telling me to defend myself, my partner is reminded of these horrible selfish people from their past who were just abusing them out of selfishness with no empathy for the suffering they were causing. I call it "trigger ping-pong"! We used to trigger each other endlessly until we both went into meltdowns. But now that we understand the phenomenon, whoever recognizes it first will call "hug therapy" and we silently hug. Reconnecting with each other calms down the adrenaline. I'm also learning little by little that I can take space for myself to process emotions on my own. I practice mindfulness and I spend time outdoors. I also write notes on my phone when I need to vent about something - instead of trying to force the person to talk to me while I'm still upset, or sending messages to the person that I will regret later.

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

Transparency is a term we all know the meaning of and make our own definition from. My ex bpd and I agreed on transparency at the begining of the relationship. It's easy to agree on a concept. But then our mind personalize a pretty vague concept and difference can be huge around it.

👍Being inconsistent with boundaries as a trigger to Abandonment feelings in a BPD individual is SO helpful!

@DrDanielFox

Жыл бұрын

Glad you found the video helpful.

@ZoeMagnes

Жыл бұрын

Sometimes my partner or friends might feel reluctant to set boundaries with me because they don't want to be "mean," but I really need others to be clear with their boundaries and to keep reminding me where their boundaries are. Because when I cross someone's boundaries, I feel terrible shame and guilt afterwards. So please say "ouch" or "stop" right away instead of trying to endure it. My own empathy will put the brakes on my aggressive behavior as soon as I get that clear feedback.

@crissieroserose

10 ай бұрын

i dont understand that sentence

I think the point of this video is that a parent can be diplomatic without backing down. If your child is screaming or threatening or whatever you must stand firm without returning the screams and threats. The parent should communicate that "what you are doing isn't working on me, so let's do something else."

@criticalthinker72

3 жыл бұрын

Definitely ask is there something else we can do!

Setting and maintaining boundaries is the most common challenge that I have.

@DrDanielFox

2 ай бұрын

Boundaries are definitely important! It's a continuous process of learning and growing.

I have a spouse who has BPD, we have been married for 15yrs and in the beginning we didn’t know what was going on. He just recently got diagnosed a few years back and it has been so incredibly hard. I started therapy and everything that you have said is what my therapist told me also to help at home. It does help I’m just trying to stay consistent.

@DrDanielFox

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing, and it is very challenging. But you hit the nail on the head, staying consistent is most important. Be well.

@SunflowerEyes252

6 ай бұрын

How on earth did you even get him to agree to counseling? He absolutely refuses to acknowledge outwardly any personal issues, the "blame" is always put on others, usually me.

@juajones0226

6 ай бұрын

@@SunflowerEyes252 honestly we have been on the brink of separation so many times, the simple fact that we have kids one of which is bipolar pushed him to get help. It’s hard as hell and we are still working on the correct medication for his anxiety and depression which makes things so much better when those two are at least balanced. I started therapy way before he did but was never consistent, after his initial diagnosis he was in a bit of denial but I talked and asked questions not accusing just wanted to know what he was thinking. Slowly he started to understand things are off and decided to take a serious step. Flair ups are a constant battle but I’m working on not being bated into the argument. He had to want it I can tell you if he had not gone we would not be together today.

@brianadams3189

5 ай бұрын

​@@SunflowerEyes252i would like some help with this too.

Man great video. I wish I would’ve watched this before my bpd wife left me.

Our 32 yr old Daughter has estranged us for 7 yrs now, as her Final Blow Up, at us, right after her beautiful wedding, on our farm. We walked on eggshells around her, since she was young, not to upset her in any way. We feel we spoiled or gave in to her, to keep her always happy & not blowing up. The only time she seemed to need us, was when she manipulated & wanted something from us. When she verbally abused us, we stayed quiet. When I, her mom, finally asked her, Why she lashed out at me? She responded, the stress from the wedding. I avoided her, the day of her wedding as much as I could, not to upset her again. What can we do?? We tried reaching out to her 3.5 yrs ago. She responded by also estranging both her brothers. Our therapist is guessing, she has BPD & is the one that needs to reach out & apologize? We don’t see that ever happening! We have mixed feelings, But our life is much more quiet & peaceful now. We miss our happier daughter!

Great video. All my fellow BPD peeps - you CAN recover with help and support. My family and my partner have been helping me (alongside therapy and my own hard work) and I am not out of the woods but I am so much better. YOU CAN DO THIS

@sithisdawnsend2730

Жыл бұрын

How are you now?

Dr Fox is literally one of the only people who provide online resources for BPD that humanizes us and treats us with compassion, and provides tangible support.

In the middle of trying to save my marriage. I believe my husband is exhibiting signs of BPD with rage outburts. His mother had BPD, and it was the most difficult thing we had to go through before she was properly diagnosed. My husband knows there's something not right, and at times is eager to seek help. But that comes and goes based on his mood. He blames me for his outbursts of rage, so it is difficult for me to be the one to try and calm him when it's happening. No one else is really close enough to him to see these behaviours and outbursts. I'm trying my best but don't really know where to go from here. I appreciate your videos very much! Thank you for trying to help us, the loved ones who are desperately doing all we can.

@laurenbatson5918

2 жыл бұрын

Me too. I hope you got some help!

@prasenjitsinha5806

2 жыл бұрын

I can feel ya Jen and it’s indeed stressful. Please take care of yourself. Please know that your loved one is acting out of rage because it’s an illness and not choice

@freeyourdreama7822

2 жыл бұрын

ME TOOO

@AndyX

2 жыл бұрын

worst thing to think is you can fix it ...you cant ,,its not under your control best option sometimes is put down a line ..get help or im leaving ,,ill be there for you ,,but no longer under this circumstance...it takes a serious action to get the ball rolling

@susanrobinson3812

2 жыл бұрын

Jen it sounds exactly like what I’m going through with my fiancé. Dr. Fox can you recommend a psychologist/psychiatrist in Austin Texas that specializes in BPD Or are there support groups for loved ones who have BPD

This was the most helpful information I’ve ever found on BPD. Our loved ones need our support. Frankly, we need yours! I’d greatly appreciate more videos like this. In particular, some advice on helping a loved one to hear you when they’re hurt or angry. How can you encourage safe expression of those feelings before they lead to destruction? Also, how about tips on maintaining the kind of boundaries that can be perceived as rejection? Thanks for your help!

@echase416

3 жыл бұрын

It helps to learn some DBT Skills.

@drsusta

3 жыл бұрын

Yes please. More videos on these topics would be helpful

@ZoeMagnes

Жыл бұрын

I can tell from these questions that you are a compassionate person. The BPD person in your life is lucky! I really liked Dr. Fox's book and recommend it, if you haven't had a chance to read it yet.

So much of this is about making things more comfy for the pwBPD. What about us partners and caregivers, though? Where's the video for how we recover after so much abuse supposedly "out of their control"?

@loucupurdija3790

3 жыл бұрын

i have found so so much more content online for partners of people with bpd than for people who actually have bpd.

@tinakaminskadickinson3328

Ай бұрын

I’m with ya. Tons of videos on understanding the BPD person, next to nothing on how to deal with handling the abusive rages and total lack of taking responsibility for what they cause. I think the best advice I’ve got was “you can’t reason with an unreasonable person” and set boundaries about what you can and can’t accept.

This needs to be the subject of your next book - after you finish the CPBD book. There are a few books out there for families - but not enough and I know your take on the subject would be SO helpful.

@LizaLavolta

2 жыл бұрын

agree

I have a BPD partner who also has anxiety disorder, complex PTSD, and depressive disorder. Omg what a handful... on one hand she is the most amazing woman I have ever met... I mean really incredible (and insanely beautiful). On the other hand this is like walking through a minefield blindfolded in clown shoes. I can’t respond to things as I would with other people and I’m getting to a point where I don’t respond at all. At a total loss if I’m honest but I’ll persevere as she is worth it. Your videos will hopefully help but remembering this when needed and heat of the moment can be hard.

@BuffproThe

3 жыл бұрын

I feel for you man. I also am in love with the most amazing woman who also suffers from bpd. I also hope we can get what we need from this.

@AprilHare

2 жыл бұрын

Can you tell me more about what it is that affects you negatively when in the minefield state?

@soulTraveller144

2 жыл бұрын

You must have a genuine heart

My life is a living hell. My wife has bpd and we have an 18 month old son. Thank you for giving me hope.

@le_th_

3 жыл бұрын

If your life is a living hell, think of the absolute terror and fear a tiny toddler's brain is experiencing in the most critical stage of development. No infant or toddler should have to grow up like that. They will likely develop an attachment disorder themselves. Please protect your child; they cannot protect themselves.

@amysk2157

3 жыл бұрын

@@le_th_ I 100% agree. My sister is BPD and I simply don't feel safe around her. I am always on guard because you can never predict when the next attack will happen. Her children suffer greatly for the same reason there is never a time for them to just be and feel safe and loved because the next attack can happen simply because you blinked.

@le_th_

3 жыл бұрын

@@amysk2157 Here I just posted to you that I haven't heard from my sister with BPD in years (I've blocked her from my phone) and I woke up to my cell phone ringing from a number I didn't recognize and it was her. She sounded well, but was brief and to the point, but also kind. A family of ours died and she was letting me know. We talked for less than 5 minutes, but I appreciated her letting me know. I just thought it was weird I had just posted that comment to you and then less than 24 hours later she called.

Thank you, Dr. Fox, for the mason jar analogy! Loneliness and feeling of not-belonging feels exactly like that.

Great analogy re: not knowing how to making copies. Boundaries! Identifying consequences. Stay solution focused. Selfcare. These are good things to know with children, as bpds and often we all are.

I have fully recovered from BPD, where I only have slight tendencies, but do not match the criteria anymore. Please do not give up and ffs be kind to yourselves. I know it ain't easy. I really do. Just know that it works.

@dianefoster3059

10 ай бұрын

Thank you for this encouragement. Truly.

@realleftover

10 ай бұрын

​@@dianefoster3059 I'm proud of you 🖤

I hate having BPD. I’m 39 and am getting married next year and I feel like I’m ruining my relationship even though my fiancé doesn’t feel the same. Thank you for this awesome video. Truly brings full circle the way people should work to be with someone like me. ❤

@DrDanielFox

10 ай бұрын

Resist that family in the head. Push back and set your path without BPD. It’s ok to be loved.

@IrelandVonVicious

8 ай бұрын

​@@makingadjustmentseach person is different. For some it will make a huge difference. Others will see no change.

A lot of people with BPD grew up with narcissistic parents who would have absolutely weaponised the BPD diagnosis against them. For example, if you are feeling really sad one day, they would use the fact you have BPD to gaslight you about it. So definitely don't do the first one if you don't want to accidentally trigger that. I was 27 years old before anyone ever told me my feelings were valid because I was so used to the gaslighting and minimising. That made a huge difference, although I often still question and gaslight myself as a result.

Dr. I watched your video and it just made me so sad. You are so compassionate and I really value your videos. I had worked really hard on myself and I improved. I was doing great being single. There was no stress of anyone cheating on me or lying or hiding things. But then i met this guy and he convinced me that he loved me a lot, he was showing ot in his gestures, promised me a beautiful life, was desperate to marry me and I clearly told him I have bpd, he saw my mood swings but he would try to change my mood, hold hands, be affectionate, made me feel loved. I was scared n told him he would change after marriage but he kept saying he would only get better n tht our relationship would be so beautiful. He said he read a lot about bpd n he understood me. I was extremely transparent with him about my past and told him many times to be transparent with me n I would keep saying tht n everytime he said he was. I got married to him thinking he really loved me n wasn't marrying me for the heck of marrying but after marriage he just changed. He just stopped being affectionate the way he was but never admitted tht he did.he always said I was imagining but holding hands ,kissing, communication everything went out of the window that too soon after marriage. Also he accused me of marrying him for money which hit me so hard. And soon after I found out that he had hidden a lot of things about his past. I found texts in his phone that were objectionable and he kept giving lame excuses, covering up. And then a lame sorry for not discussing before marriage. But he did that damage to me. I was so happy when I married but it all went down the drain. I was so shocked and dissapointed that I got into depression, since he started saying mean things to me I came to my parents house. I was so depressed because of what happened that I self harmed and had to be admitted. I am in therapy n on meds for almost 6 months n still at my parents. My dreams all shattered and I cannot trust husband at all ,neither can I talk to him properly, I've become so bitter . I feel cheated tht he hid things when I specifically asked him to be transparent so many times. His sorrys have not helped me at all. I'm extremely dissapointed because I was cheated in my previous relationship and my bpd was not diagnosed then n I was still with my partner but I was stalking him, checking his phone like crazy. It was extremely traumatic for me. Post tht I got into therapy n worked on myself so with husband I never checked his phone at all because I felt I should trust him and I also believed all tht he told me. I didn't want the same stressful cycle of my previous relationship where I was being suspicious, checking ph etc n with him felt secure because he was so good at convincing me that he read about bpd n tht he understood me n tht he was absolutely transparent n life would be more beautiful after marriage but now I feel I'm back to square one in this relationship as well where I'm not suspicious, I don't trust him at all ,I'm still at parents n refuse to go back to him because I feel cheated, lied to and it is like reliving my previous trauma. Please honestly tell me, am I at fault for not liking him anymore. He makes remarks that he married me despite me being mentally unstable n other things which has made me hate him but he is blaming it on my bpd. This is why I'm so sad because I feel I can't live with this stigma of being what I am because of bpd despite someone else doing wrong to me. :(

@Nat-hu4gq

3 жыл бұрын

My sympathies for what you went through had similar with my ex, on Canada day (July 1st) he said "we need a break from dating for a while" I said "how is this fair I have my precancerous lesions and fertility check up on July 7th" he said " I don't want to see you or talk to you". I said "Is this about my mental health?" He said "no". I asked "Is this about my health?" He said "no". Then blocks me. We excerised a park together and dropped me home before this text. I selfed harm, emergency room visit. He was caught by my friend's sister on dating app bumble twice. First time I confronted him. He said he was inactive and deleted it. Isolated me from my friends. Lied about deleting the app and was caught again few months ago. I didnt know about the second time because I was isolated. Last Thursday with my friend, her sister and mom, we pieced together the behaviour changes in him and tactics. We concluded that my ex was manipulative, a narcissist and most likely cheating on me. No wonder my bpd was triggered so bad. Hopefully my story can help you, I feel your pain too. Sending you lots hugs with love 💖🤗 P.S he did the same blaming it on my bpd. When really without him, it still hurts a lot for me too, my bpd is a lot calmer. You are not crazy dear !

Such an incredibly helpful video and I love the compassion you bring to patients who have BPD.

I have just discovered your channel recently and I feel so validated, I even happy-cried. I ordered your BPD Workbook, it’s very good! It doesn’t feel impossible anymore. It’s so hard to find educational resources online that don’t stigmatise BPD. Thank you for making your content readily available for those who can’t access it in other means.💗

@LaGrossePaulik

3 жыл бұрын

Here's a safe place, raiokai 👋 welcome! And yes there is hope. I've been diagnosed a year ago, began therapy both with online ressources and a therapist, but you can access to a lot online. I'm way better, I barely fall into destructive behaviors. Of course I still have work to do. Dr Fox has a great website and content, you can have the address in the description box. Yes you're right, not everything is safe and reliable online! There is discrimination with BPD, sadly. So do not hesitate if you have any questions, here's a safe spot 👋 I also sometimes cries with videos full of hope/validation ☺️ it's like I am overwhelmed by these vibes and 'revelations'! Take good care 👍

@Kathrynlove

3 жыл бұрын

I've never once saw anything stagimatizing BPD and I have read about this and researched for almost 9 years. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@raiokaii

3 жыл бұрын

@@Kathrynlove you’re the only person I’ve come across who has ever said this - it’s a common thing people say in the BPD community. BPD is one of the most stigmatised mental illnesses. I simply voiced my own experience which is spanning across about 4.5 years. If yours is different, that’s fine and you’re very lucky to not have stumbled across that type of content. I’m unsure what the need for this comment was, but I’m glad you’ve had a good experience with your research. 💗💓💞

You are brilliant Dr Fox. Thank you for taking this time to share.

I have been watching videos on BPD for months, since my partner was diagnosed. Most of them help, but this one is a game changer! Thank you so much.

@jennylynnculbertson9086

Жыл бұрын

Your amazing for trying to help them instead of abandon them ty for that

I can't say enough how helpful are your videos! Thank you!

Thank you!I’ve bought Your book! ❤️You explain perfectly the bpd... 🙏

I would love more videos for family! This affects my husband and the more I can learn .. The better

Thank you Dt. Fox- your work matters. I am thankful that therapists with your level of empathy, sensitivity and insight exist. I hope you feel as rewarded as we do!

thank you so much for this.. we might finally be getting one of my most loved family members some real help.. think this has been underneath a slew of problems and suffering for her and us

Thank you for continuing to make content about bpd! You have a real gift for seeing the true meaning and depth behind actions, behaviors, intent and thought

Such great advice as always! Thank you! As a BPD who loves another BPD this helped me see positive ways to handle both myself and him. ❤️

My husband has recently been diagnosed with 'B cluster traits'. I originally thought he was a narcissist but that didn't seem to fully fit as he has genuine empathy and care for others. Then my friend who is a therapist mentioned BPD to me and it was like a light bulb switched on. Ive been researching like crazy since trying to figure out how I can manage and cope with thisbrelqtuonship whichbis heaven one moment and hell the next. Fortunately my husband is seeking help but he hasn't understood fully or accepted his diagnosis yet and still thinks the problem lies with the people around him triggering him all the time. This video is so helpful and gives me much hope. Thank you. 🙏

Thank you. I just shared this video to a loved one. Hope to see more content soon 🙏

I love with my friend who I believe to have BPD. I’ve listen to so many of your videos and other too. I feel like I’m lost and trapped but I’m working on my co-dependent behaviors. Thank you so much for your videos on KZread. Very easy to follow and long form.

Thank you I feel blessed to have found you..this helps..

You are seriously a blessing 🙏

My son was diagnosed with bpd about 15yrs ago, it has been a rollercoaster, I wish I had the information available to me during those years that you are giving, I find your videos really helpful in understanding this disorder and giving hope to people with this disorder. Keep up the good work

So much I did not know. Thank you Dr Fox!

Brilliant Dr Fox. Thank you

Love your video of life in Quarantine!

I didn’t know how treatable this was and that’s so so so hopeful. Thank you!

You are truly a blessing!!!

Thank you for helping us be compassionate & helpful to our loved ones with this!

Thank you for everything you do for people with BPD. Thank you for not stigmatizing and for making me feel like a human ,not a label. 💖

How can I not hide my feelings, when the cursing is causing me such great anger and distress and pain? When they feel that this is like blaming them and they don’t want to even hear what they are causing?

@sadafashraf5532

3 жыл бұрын

I feel you!

@baumkuchenbaumkuchen631

3 жыл бұрын

I have bpd and it helps me a lot when people tell me how they feel, even if I blame myself for it. I NEED to hear it. Just because i blame myself anyways, and when they tell me they're feelings, it means that i KNOW that its a problem (i knew it anyways) AND how much its a problem for them. I don't have to speculate about this. And if they are hinest with how big the problem is, i learn to trust them. Then, this helps me, when it wasn't this bad and my head is just making the problem bigger. Its grounding me. Even if its hard sometimes. And its constant work. But it helps.

Thank you Dr. Fox, here from Atlanta.

This was very helpful! Thank you so much for sharing and educating.

Me and my partner are having some mental issues and while we don’t have BPD, I do find these videos amazingly helpful and insightful for us. Many thanks.

Yes, yes yes!! Thank you for your comforting words and tools! I see now I have actually made mountains of progress!

Very helpful, Dr Fox Thanks

Very hopeful and positive outlook on BPD. Thank you!

Dr Daniel Fox, thank you. I live in the UK and I have BPD. I have been waiting to start a programme to help me for over 2 years now, and things have been tough. But finding your channel has helped me more than you could imagine. Thank you so much for explaining things, and going through the processes that occur on our brains, for helping us and for helping the people around us too!

You've inspired me to make my own vids on bpd. Thank you Dr. Fox! Your book is helping me maintain my recovery until I meet my new therapist. 💜💜💜

You're the best doc 👏🏻🙏🏻 Very helpful

Excellent information, honest, forthright and very helpful. Thank you.

What amazing understanding he has. I'm grateful to have found this professional 👍

thank you so much for these videos they genuinely help me and my partner and I really appreciate you trying to remove the stigma around bpd

I absolutely love watching your videos! It helps me feel less alone, why can’t you be my therapist! Thank you for posting the content that you do!

WoW, thank you for the great information. My son was diagnosed with bipolar about 5 to 6 years ago. A couple of days ago his Dr told him that she thought he has BPD. Our son has been doing research and can’t believe how much he feels like he definitely has BPD. Thank you for helping us, to know what to do in this matter. This is great, because now he can get the help he needs.

thank you so much for making videos like this, people need an educated voice when theyre struggling

This is great. Thank you for sharing these tips on how to interact effectively. My relationship with my partner with BPD is so much better.

This was such a good video :) super helpful to show to loved ones. Respecting Boundaries and asserting your own needs are so important.

Thank you so much for these information- you don’t realize how much help you are giving all of us.

Thanks so much for all your work...you help so many 🙏🏻

This is one of the best videos you've done yet!!! Thank you so much. I struggle the most with my relationships and the lack of transparency and self contempt, well then rage and all that good bpd stuff. I was in remission for 8 years following two rounds of dbt and then one round of advanced dbt. I have fallen off the wagon and my symptoms are worse than ever. My new partner is struggling. You touched base on everything! I cannot wait. To show him this. I can never find the right videos to help him understand. Thank you Dr Fox!!!

Thank you... seriously. Your videos mean a lot to me and I would love if you could write a book on this topic. This would be great for family members who really care and want to help and love their loved one with BPD.

Thank you, Dr. Fox. This is superb advice. As the loved one of someone on the spectrum, I’m trying my best to have empathy and validate her, and look after myself. Please continue this loved one support. It so often overlooked. Warm regards to you.

Yes! Things can get better, there is hope and things worth trying for. Understanding, patience, care and transparency has done so much for the person I care so much about. It was frustrating looking things up online and seeing the negative attitudes from peers- it all seemed so counterproductive towards people with BPD symptoms. If anyone treats me the same way they treat people with BPD, I sure as heck know it makes my own depression worse!

This video is amazing. I swear to god i haven’t ever seen anything this well explained. I have bpd and i have been looking for things like this to send my bf. So many websites have way too much wrong information. I am glad i found this video! Thank you❤️

Thank you. Thank you, thank you for this video. I watched it as a person with BPD trying to understand my partner's view of things. It was helpful for me to hear from professional who is trained in this and speaks kindly to all involved.

You are so helpful! I was raised by a BPD alcoholic mother and a father that was a genius with OCD and ASD... Now three of my grandchildren have ASD and one has BPD too. BPD is by far the hardest to cope with. Thank you for your channel. You are helping people more than you know.

Thank you! I always want to know more about this

Thank you so much for mentioning this is common, with treatable researched outcomes, and is not hopeless. You have taken so much street off my shoulders just knowing that. I know I still have a journey ahead but I know have hope and will be better educated as to what to look for.!

Great, as always, Dr. Fox! Thank you! Oh, and I shared it on Facebook :)

This is such a great video for me, handling what has been happening today was really bad, I really wish I’d watched this yesterday

I really enjoy your videos Dr Fox. You’re engaging, passionate about your work and compassionate toward your clients and you really communicate that well. You’re a light in the world.

I love your mason jar analogy. As a BPDer, I can verify that feeling!

Amazing! i've just started studying this topic specifically, i don't have bpd but I'm in the area of psychology and i know people which suffer with such disorders and this is truly helpful and informative, very insightful compared to my previous "unintentional ignorance" Thank you very much Dr. Fox.

Your video is always so helpful, full of compassion, empathy & therapeutic. Your clients is so lucky to have you as their doctor. I will definitely want to work with you once i can afford it

I find these videos invaluable, Dr. Fox. Thank you for making this content freely available ❤️ Making plenty of notes from this one in particular. My BPD (undiagnosed) partner keeps trying to dredge up past hurts during her episodes. My sleep patterns are messed up due to long hours working from home and the fact that she is retired (interrupts frequently) and has few close friends. I’m starting to suffer from anxiety running on 4-6 hrs sleep a day and having to endure her anxiety about me putting in long hours. My only uninterrupted work is at night, but I also find it harder to concentrate then. Can’t afford an office outside of the home currently. I need to get back into regular exercise and contra with friends. It seems like every time I get of the phone with my kids, I perceive some kind of tension about the attention that she is envious of. I’m feeling isolated and drained. Sorry. I just needed to vent.

This is a helpful for people with BPD. And I’m glad that Dr. Fox has compassion for people that deal with this very painful disorder. And this presentation was helpful for family members who live with people who struggle with BPD. HOWEVER, what about the mental health and frankly physical safety of spouse of the undiagnosed BPD patient? My son’s wife has almost every trait of BPD to a T, but doesn’t want to follow through with therapy. He has been verbally abused constantly, physically attacked on multiple occasions, she’s come at him with a knife, been woken up in the middle of the night by her screaming at him hysterically for some perceived slight, she’s kicked in the back of his car. On and on the crazy goes. He is way beyond wanting to help her, he needs help finding the strength to escape all of this senseless abuse. I realize she has difficulty controlling her emotions, but there comes a point in time when the abuse has been so damaging so long that there is no way back to a good livable relationship. What should he do? I fully realize that his leaving is what she most fears but for his sanity and indeed, his physical safety he has to get out of this horrible situation. A patient with BPD cannot expect the world to tiptoe them around measuring every word they say to them or to carefully monitor every facial expression. It is too much. My daughter in law has simply done so many awful things that she is ensuring her self-fulfilling prophecy of her screaming “You hate me! You’re going to leave me!” That she began immediately after they were married. It is a tragically painful and incredibly destructive disorder.

I didn't follow up on the consequences for violating the boundaries I set (no yelling, no name calling...) and it got worse. I couldn't tolerate more of it and I pointed out that behaviour as abusive and everything blew up again. Now he's convinced I'm trying to prove he's evil and antagonizing him. He said I'm a horrible person, toxic, that I broke us, that I need help... Next day, he left me. And I don't know if his vision of me will change. Now it's all a mix of feelings of hopelessness and injustice and the guilt of not having been able to manage it better. I thought I had nothing but love, patience and forgiveness for this relatioship, but I was sabotaging it without even realizing, by doing things I didn't even know he was taking that way until he blew up. And at the same time I feel so resentful that he places all the blame on me. This video helps a lot with processing and understanding some things better. Thank you so much for sharing this knowledge. And sorry for venting here.

So very helpful for me, thank you!

Learning everything you can teach. Starting to practice this and it is working! I am able to focus on my reactions when SO is flared. I am being vulnerable and honest without point fingers. Most importantly, regardless of the outcome, I can know that I am acting within my values. I need to work on enforcing boundaries because my inconsistency is a big issue.