It’s not her weight, it’s not her being lazy, it’s her not valuing herself. The moment she said Boyfriend, 6 years, then two babies, I knew he’s just wasting her time and she’s allowing it.

@Macheako

2 жыл бұрын

@NemainRising34 that sounds miserable

@DHFlip18

2 жыл бұрын

He's wasted her time, how so, by providing for her and the kids? So it's all a waste just because they aren't married? Don't you think he wasted an equal amount of time on her? Ever thought maybe she's the one who needs some work before he agrees to marry her? Or is it that women are always the blameless victims here?

@Macheako

2 жыл бұрын

@NemainRising34 nah I meant for him 😂 I got enough chores to do with my own place 😂

@quelquun2018

2 жыл бұрын

And females like that think that they have a prize and are even willing to put hands on another female over their dusty 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@quelquun2018

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah it was takes up to 2 years to heal COMPLETELY! Even if she was married, why have kids back to back and then complain about how you look? Some parents want their kids close in age, back to back but yet this is the result. A messed up body. She sounds like she didn’t have a workout routine prior to her pregnancies and now he expects her to magically go back to pre-pregnancy weight??? How??

My jaw actually dropped when she said he was threatening to kick her out over a dirty house That call went from 0-60 real quick

@Jessfitz844

3 жыл бұрын

Right! And when she said their relationships like a job interview 😞

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

@@Jessfitz844 it is. Both partners have to remain satisfied. He's not asking her to build a pyramid, he's asking her to not over eat and keep the house clean while he is working. A lot of women are perfectly capable of such a feat.

@rjt1985oct

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan and she's asking for respect and grace which take nearly 0 effort and not getting it

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

@@rjt1985oct she can ask all she want, at the end of the day she is overweight, unattractive and unwilling to simply reduce her calorie intake for the wellbeing of herself, her partner and her kids. Extremely irresponsible for anybody, especially a mother.

@sanafarooq9828

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan dude you obviously have no idea how much work babies are. And while you might think you sound reasonable you arnt. Women are actually advised not to exercise for at least six months because of the hormones settling back and breastfeeding and the trauma of child birth. Also the things the womans body goes through in pregnancy and labor are so intense you should just do a quick research you will be shocked. She has two kids that are so small and they need so much effort. While there are women who might be able to manage it they are very few and far in between. If you are gonna refer to Instagram or KZread moms then those don't really count. You need to fix the way you think otherwise you are really going to ruin some poor woman's life. I am only replying because you are all over the comment section giving very 'reasonable' comments about how the guy is right to demand this when really he isn't.

Wow. The transition from laughter to tears. I felt that.

@mikenelson8377

3 жыл бұрын

Right?? I was thinking the same thing 😞

@jones2277

3 жыл бұрын

the laughter was fake. i was waiting for the tears.

@W3irdS33D

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah that was quick

@BlushingOutlaw

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah. Felt that too.

@pinkk312

2 жыл бұрын

I know right

When she said she didn't want a broken family, and John said, "It's already broken." I needed to hear that today.

@martamagdalena4460

3 жыл бұрын

I think quite few of us are on the same train.... we just hate to admit it. Wish you well!

@jaunid344

Жыл бұрын

That was so good

It was so beautiful when John said "I don't want my friend Nikki around a guy like that."

@k.embers

3 жыл бұрын

I teared up at that. So much compassion from this team! 💕

@lv8902

3 жыл бұрын

That shut her up real quick. Kind of like she's never heard anyone say something like that to her. Probably for the better to flip the switch in her brain

@kevinalmiron8693

3 жыл бұрын

A guy can ask to keep the house a little more clean and exercise ? I mean come on you don't know the whole story of the couple

@johndone8045

3 жыл бұрын

Omg the first thing my wife wanted to have a baby i asked her will she keep her shape after giving birth Seriously, guys love a certain shape of woman, it will never change Accept the fact and deal with it And the guy should always excercise with her, so she has a mermaid line and the guy has a 6 pack

@baylarubin8754

3 жыл бұрын

@@johndone8045 Imagine being a child reading this whose father didn’t think they were worth having lest his wife “change her shape”. Just as well, that child would deserve a better father with maturity and priorities. You can love a certain way your spouse looks but what if they have an injury, or illness, or (gasp) get old? I hope for her sake you love what’s underneath more

You can lay down and be a doormat for some people and they will still complain you are not laying flat enough. This man will never be able to find the good in you.

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. Even if she managed to lose weight and keep the house clean, he'll find something else

@teekaybe4016

2 жыл бұрын

I LOVE this comment!! First time i heard it. and it rings so true. Some people will never be satisfied.

@ineedhoez

Жыл бұрын

Lmaoooooo

@TheLily97232

3 ай бұрын

He is here to exploit her

@lulumoon6942

3 ай бұрын

THIS

I used to have a boyfriend like that and I'm beyond grateful that I dumped him 😭 I'm even more grateful that I don't have children with him

@mirjanapucarevic2105

3 жыл бұрын

Aleluja

@littleripper312

2 жыл бұрын

Same, but this girl chose to date him 6 years and have two kids with him and is wondering why she's in a bad situation. This is what happens when you don't dump that guy.

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

Same. He was so vindictive when I left, he would have made my life miserable if we had kids together

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

@@littleripper312 Have some compassion. She's in an abusive relationship

@nly4607

Жыл бұрын

@@dancechica you cant do better than your baby daddy

It was so heartbreaking how she went from laughing and joking to crying in a split second 😣 sending love and support girl

@Shaara1

Жыл бұрын

It's been brewing for long.:(

Lose over 160 lbs by ditching this guy

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

🙌

The simultaneous laughing and crying is beyond sad. Leave him, sis. NOW. You deserve more than him. Your kids deserve more than him.

@kevinalmiron8693

3 жыл бұрын

You can't ask your girlfriend to keep the house more clean or exercise this days? I mean come on. You dont know the whole story to say the girl just leave the guy just because of those requests that are completley ok.

@sarahsavesit

3 жыл бұрын

@@kevinalmiron8693 you can absolutely ask your girlfriend to keep the house more clean. You absolutely can not threaten to kick her out over not keeping the house more clean. Know the difference, grasshopper.

@kevinalmiron8693

3 жыл бұрын

@@sarahsavesit where was the threat?

@karmichaelblue

3 жыл бұрын

@@kevinalmiron8693 you shouldn’t “ask” your partner to exercise while they are drowning. She just had two kids, for crying out loud. All the guy can think about is looks instead of helping her.

@johndone8045

3 жыл бұрын

@@kevinalmiron8693 the guy should help with the kids and the house clean and she do exercise

If my partner told me when I had 2 little kids and out of shape and exhausted all the time that I was on a job interview I probably would’ve been so furious I would screamed for him to get out. Heart breaks for this girl.

@GameChanger597

10 ай бұрын

Yeah I can't imagine putting up with that. I would have lost it 👹

@AudraT

3 ай бұрын

I would have gotten the frying pan.

this is the kind of pressure that leads to postpartum psychosis. she better get out of there before she has a breakdown.

@kevinalmiron8693

3 жыл бұрын

You can't ask your girlfriend to keep the house more clean or exercise this days? I mean come on. You dont know the whole story to say the girl just leave the guy just because of those requests that are completley ok.

@jones2277

3 жыл бұрын

@@kevinalmiron8693 Nope, you can't. And it's pretty clear that she's experiencing postpartum depression.

@kevinalmiron8693

3 жыл бұрын

@@jones2277 You can't ? Well let me respectfully disagree with you, what do you mean you can't? If you work all day and she doesn't I'm sure you can still have time to keep the house at least not so messy. I have a girlfriend that lives with me I work full time she doesn't, is not too much to ask to at least have the house not so messy. Maybe YOU can't but you totally can. Let's not demonize him and victimize her with limited information

@jones2277

3 жыл бұрын

@@kevinalmiron8693 look, she just had a baby. if he actually cared about her and their family, he'd take a good look at her and recognize the signs of depression. he'd hire someone to help out a couple days a week and he'd encourage her to seek counseling.

@kevinalmiron8693

3 жыл бұрын

@@jones2277 we have only her side of the story and not enough information to assume what you are saying. And definitely not enough information to say she should leave him.

My heart broke when she started to cry. :( I hope that she has somebody that she can talk to.

@animaluva098

Жыл бұрын

im convinced hes cheating on her also.....and i was hoping he wud ask if her parents knew and what they had to say.

"And my body's not even that bad I've lost 70 pounds" I dropped my phone.

@OPEN_ROAD1800.

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@nly4607

Жыл бұрын

Jesus this man is a saint for putting up with 2 wives (one 100 pounder of pure body fat)

@rigatoni4646

Жыл бұрын

I thought she said I'm 170 pounds

@FranzVonGaart

Жыл бұрын

@@rigatoni4646 That's what I heard. which really isn't outrageous if she has baby weight

@rigatoni4646

Жыл бұрын

​@@FranzVonGaart For sure, it could even be close to ideal depending on her height. If I weighed 170 lbs I would still be in the normal BMI range, and probably not even considered chubby by American standards.

The best thing that has happened to Nikki is that she's not married to him. She can leave much easier. My friend was in the same situation only 3 kids. Her greatest regret in life is not leaving earlier. 5 years post leaving she is now engaged to a great guy who loves her and her three kids. She never hears anymore how she isn't good enough, the house isn't clean enough, etc. All she hears and sees is a partner who actively supports her and does his share of work. Her kids are so much happier too.

@katemiller7874

Жыл бұрын

Same story.

@blondegiraffe2023

Жыл бұрын

Maybe that's the reason she isn't married. The guy isn't committed to begin with and she's just wasted years of her life on him. Had she thought about the guys character and put him on an "interview" with marriage as a prospect maybe she would've found out earlier who he actually was. I got the impression he was one of these guys who seek after how a woman looks and not her heart 💔

Laughing in this situation a sign of vulnerability and anxiety .

@alycewich4472

3 жыл бұрын

@Rececca Oprea - It's also a coping mechanism, "I'd rather laugh than cry..."

@guineveredawn

3 жыл бұрын

It was definitely nervous laughing

@lindakincaid4530

3 жыл бұрын

you are so right. I often laugh to prevent myself from crying. It's a coping mechanism I've learned.

@etloz123

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, poor thing.

@hansonallie

2 жыл бұрын

I know this well!

That is why you don't live with a partner and have kids who will not commit to marriage.

@a.dmagbatt9311

3 жыл бұрын

She doesn't seem to mind it she done had 2 kids with him maybe this is a woman problem 🤔

@WilingtonProductions

3 жыл бұрын

@@a.dmagbatt9311 thank you

@howlbeast

3 жыл бұрын

I was just thinking "Dont carry if you wont marry"

@dl9118

3 жыл бұрын

Marriage is not the problem. Why do people think that a paper actually ties you down to a person? It does not. The paper can be ripped apart and that's it. Kids don't keep Mom and Dad together period.

@coachraylo

3 жыл бұрын

Marriage consists of two people saying they will be their word in being faithful to one another for the rest of their.lives in front of witnesses who will hold them to their word. Shacking up has none of this.

I’m so sad for her that she’s minimizing her situation and covering her pain with laughter. This is an unhealthy relationship.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly, when he gave her that threat she should have just said bye and walked out. In a few months she’s going to get back to her pre-baby body and probably look even hotter. He’s going to come crawling back then and she’ll have already found a man who treats her a million times better. He will then live with regret for the rest of his life. Seen that happen so many times.

@theresajones8367

Жыл бұрын

Definitely

She will feel so much better when she's free of this situation.

@doupnetwork

3 жыл бұрын

Free of what situation?

@chelseajones2112

3 жыл бұрын

@@doupnetwork there is a video that goes along with this comment section ⬆️ it’s pretty good, you should check it out

@doupnetwork

3 жыл бұрын

@@chelseajones2112 I watched it. I'm just saying she has two kids by the guy. She basically has no choice but to deal with him. Even if they split. I have been in step dad role an I know that the father of the child(ren) are in the picture even when they are not. She will never be free of the situation she might be able to mold it a little

@doupnetwork

3 жыл бұрын

@Rikki Jo Exactly. She been there for 6 years an had two kids with no ring. She in it for the long run she might as well just stay and try to negotiate a compromise where they both can be happy with expectations. Both parties should be able to bend on their less important requirements in exchange for adherence to most important requirements. She should require marriage in exchange for adherence to a weight standard

@doupnetwork

3 жыл бұрын

@Rikki Jo Require marriage is just a possible negotiation technique. But a step dad is def playing a role. He is basically a male role model that has the financial, emotional, physical responsibility of the man that actually had a hand in making the child. Some guys play the role just to get access to the mom and overall F the kids and some really just want access to F the kid(s) and they will humor the mom just to get that chance. I wanted the mom an was ok being a role model but the dynamic is so complicated an full of other men's input because their children are involved. Discipline issues will arise also because most women won't trust a new man to discipline the kid(s) properly and they lose the "I will tell your father" threat. It's just not a good situation to put yourself in if you can help it. "Captain Save em" usually puts the man (or male-role lesbian) in a situation with high risk and little reward an a bunch of these men that play the role don't actually have kids of their own coming in

A "interview" after being together for 6 years and having two children, hes pathetic & cruel... way to bring down someone's confidence. Poor lady she sounds so sweet :/

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

Lol can you imagine? Even my job probation period is not that long and at least they’re not getting me pregnant and is paying me for doing stuff. She should have asked what her annual salary will be for this position he’s hiring for.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

The fact that you think it is nuts for your partner to expect that you don't become obese after 1, 5 or 20+ years of marriage is what will turn you into w crazy cat lady in the end. Hope the donuts are worth it.

People will treat exactly the way you let them.

@sueshe5953

3 жыл бұрын

Men need to do better. Period.

@el676

3 жыл бұрын

That is true and good to remember. But some people are just skilled at breaking people down. Especially caring and kind people.

@lucymarion2945

3 жыл бұрын

I don't understand...why is she kept laughing???

@brixhaven1196

3 жыл бұрын

@@lucymarion2945 coping mechanism

@lucymarion2945

3 жыл бұрын

@@brixhaven1196 true...this whole conversation just sounds very awkward...she laughs...but then the next minute cries...then laugh again....just weird!!!

Girl…how many ways does this man have to tell u he doesn’t want u before it clicks?? 🤦🏾‍♀️ u have to want better for yourself and ur kids.

Run girl run!!!!! I've been there myself (minus the kids). RUN! You deserve SO MUCH MORE and to be treated SO MUCH better. Trust me, you will be much happier when you move on. You can't change him. It took me YEARS to leave an unhappy relationship because I was scared of getting hurt. Turns out, I was already hurt.

Never cheapen yourself for a man

@terriesmith2616

3 жыл бұрын

Too late. She already did. She has two kids with this loser.

@stesfai

3 жыл бұрын

👏👏👏

@bisi1980

Жыл бұрын

Never put your love on sale. Always ask for FULL price.

It would be so hard to be motivated with a partner like that. If he treated her well and bought her flowers, showed some appreciation and took her on fun dates I’m sure she would find some motivation to do the things he values. But manipulation is a bad start

@InesChamanette

9 ай бұрын

This is so true!! My ex was like that and I could not bring myself to do anything. Now I am a house fairy as my boyfriend helps me and shows appreciation:)

Man this one hit my heart hard. I just want to fly up to Seattle and hug her until she realizes she's worth being truly loved.

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

Me too

Time to leave. I would not be surprised that the weight is also related to the stress he brings by the constant criticism. Once you decide to leave such unhealthy relationship, you'll have time to fully focus on your children and your physical and mental health.

@cm5394

3 жыл бұрын

What a terrible comment. She should leave the father of her children and be out here a single mom of two small kids? So that the kids don’t get to live in the house with their father?

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

The weight is related to her eating too much.

@ineedhoez

Жыл бұрын

Amen

@pussydestroyer69285

Жыл бұрын

@@cm5394 um what? YES she should leave. Shes CLEARLY not happy. They can still be with their father lmao

Really appreciate Dr. Delony’s advice. I was raised by a single mother (for the better). It’s imperative that men step up. Going to work all day doesn’t make you special or support your family in the most important ways.

Say you do find the strength to exercise every day like they want you to. Then they complain about the type of exercise you do. So you give in and start doing weights with them. Then they complain that you're not keeping track of your progress. So they make you a chart to fill out when you work out. You do that for them. Then they complain that you should also now start running every day. Men like this, trust me, it's never enough. You can never be or do enough. You can do everything they want from you, hoping that if you do it all perfectly, maybe, just maybe, they'll start treating you with love. But that day never comes. They only find more areas where you fall short and never, EVER, recognize your worth or the things you are doing.

@chilloften

3 жыл бұрын

Amen. But do women trust wisdom these days?!

@janeddooee

2 жыл бұрын

@@chilloften Uh… what?

@photina262

Жыл бұрын

And if you lose weight they’re insecure and start accusing you of cheating. Just leave dudes like this

I’m so scared I’ll end up in a relationship with a man who expects my body not to change. So. Scared. How sad is that

@cm5394

3 жыл бұрын

Most men are understanding. Just show you care about your health and fitness and willing to put in the work because you value their attraction.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

You’ll be fine. Just avoid the narcs

If it wasn’t for social media he would of never found Jocko. This guy wasn’t ready for a family and definitely not ready for her love.

He could be more understanding, more proactive, and offer to walk with her and the two kids for at least 15 minutes-30 minutes a day. She is expending lots of energy to raise their children

@NeccoWecco

3 жыл бұрын

You have the right mind. Parenting is a partnership. Not a "his job" "her job".

@ReddingRed

3 жыл бұрын

@@NeccoWecco So much energy that she spends hours on social media each day.

@TstormVA2012

2 жыл бұрын

He doesn’t want her and he’s been showing her that for six years. She having babies would change him - WRONG 😑

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

You're right, he could. Too bad that's not how guys like him work

@isay207

Жыл бұрын

Wondering if she has family support with cleaning helping with children

Seems like a scenario where she decided to have one kid to save the relationship and opted in for another to save it. Precisely why you DON'T play marriage with a loser that can't commit.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

Or why you should not get involved with women who do not have any self control.

@kcarch25unkown27

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan bruh what

@roxane1237

3 жыл бұрын

You obviously have no idea what childbearing and post-partum involves.

@lindalinda9796

3 жыл бұрын

That’s exactly how most young girls and at times women are? 🤷‍♀️

@xxx0ox0

3 жыл бұрын

@@kcarch25unkown27 have you met a single mom? The woman in this story sounds like a brat compared to most people.

Once again, dr John just blows my mind with his compassion and understanding

PLEASE STOP HAVING SECOND KIDS INTO RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THIS !!!!! THE FIRST KID IS A MISTAKE , THE SECOND IS JUST ABUSE. USE BIRTH CONTROL PEOPLE.

@isay207

Жыл бұрын

Best comment award

Holy cow... this guy is very toxic! You’re totally worth more than that girl 🙏🏽 he has to be on the same page as you and definitely respect how busy you are with two small children. My heart goes out to you❤️

I can say, after getting through the other side of this situation, that its NOT worth it. He will not change. The hurt is done. She is so broken hearted and disappointed and I know she wants to give her children a nuclear family, but leaving is what gives your kids a happy home. Leaving is what sets a good example. Leaving is what makes you a better mother. LEAVING is what makes your sons grow up to be good men, better men than their father. If she can't do it to make herself happy, I hope she can do it to for her kids.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

He’s going to change only when she leaves him, gets back in shape a few months later and looks super hot. Idiots like this always come crawling back then. But by that time it will be too late because someone else will loving her

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

@@SummeRain783 maybe she should get in shape now and solve the problem instead of destroying her family first.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan as far as I understand, she is trying her best. She may be dealing with some post-natal depression as well. She never said she isn’t trying to lose weight. She already lost 70 lbs. She is doing the best she can and asking him for some support rather than his useless criticisms. It is him who is breaking the family apart with his unrealistic expectations, toxic personality and lack of compassion. From your several responses in this video, it sounds like you are the boyfriend. Why are you everywhere trying to brainwash people with your stupid messages? Grow up. I have never met a man so dramatic and whiny. You sound like a mean girl woman pretending to be a man.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

@@SummeRain783 because this video is attracting a lot of women making a lot of excuses, and therefore the perfect place to have some counterpush against these toxic enablers. Plenty of women can regulate a healthy wait before, during and after pregnancy through regulating their calorie consumption like healthy adults. It is toxic beyond reasonability to blame low impulse control on a pregnancy or on a partner who communicates that in order to rescue the relationship. Not over eating and using a vacuum cleaner over scrolling facebook all the time are within the realm of possibility for alot of women - I know plenty who do not make absurd excuses or blame their children and their partner for their bad choices.

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

💯

This comment section didn’t surprise me on this one. I wish more women talked about what happens to your body after pregnancy. From 2nd-3rd degree tears, healing from your stitches, etc. Social media has definitely tainted reality for a lot of you.

@agricolaregs

3 жыл бұрын

My baby ruined my body. It’s so depressing.

@hollym1751

3 жыл бұрын

Yep... not to mention the emotional healing... my kids wrecked my body and my mentality

@AlexBobalexRavenclaw

3 жыл бұрын

I can vouch and say it’s very difficult to bounce back after having babies, but presenting yourself at your best has to be supported by your spouse too, assuming you’d reciprocate. If they’re behaving as though you owe it to them, they’ve got their own insecurity going on. I’ve totally done this in my own marriage, I’ve been in her husband’s shoes. Eventually, he’s just gonna have to trust her as his wife and the mother of his children.

@hollym1751

3 жыл бұрын

@9INE PLANETS I mean.. I love my kids, but you realize you’ll never be the same. The stretch marks are hideous, you’ve gained weight because you don’t think of yourself, you feel your husband doesn’t think your attractive, the hormones are off the chart after giving birth, you’re sleep deprived, toddlers aren’t the most rational people to deal with, etc. That’s my issue with society. There is such a push for women to have kids. If you don’t have kids something is wrong with you. Albeit, it is getting better, but nobody is honest. Kids are an amazing blessing, but nobody tells you what you have to endure to receive that blessing. And then you try to have honest conversations about your feelings (with adults, not your kids who don’t deserve to hear that) and get shamed for it.. 🙄

@happyfeet6751

3 жыл бұрын

@@hollym1751 you are completely right Haley. My mom always tells me that having me completely changed her body in permanent way. Her telling me this helped me understand that having a child is not as happy as people make it out to be. When or if I ever have children, I want to make sure I’m in a place where I can mentally be prepared and have a support system

He no longer wants to be in this relationship. That's what he's saying, he does not want to be with you. She feels like she's stuck with him and can't see past that--gurl you'll be okay by yourself. You are enough!!!

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

No he wants to be with her. She is his supply. He just wants to bully her in the process. I guarantee you guys like this come crawling back when you leave and get your stuff together. It’s like a shock for them. She has to no longer want him

6 years?? Ladies, please be wise with your time. If a guy won't define what you guys are within the first year( that he plans on marrying you and/or engages you, sets a date etc) leave him, your time is precious.

That boyfriend is toxic af! If he doesn’t like how messy the house is, why doesn’t he help out, instead of verbally bashing his girlfriend 🤦🏻‍♀️

He should be helping at home, and offering to look after the children whilst you get some time alone, and later on you can exercise in that time ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@mynameis......23

Жыл бұрын

Didn't she admitted she spends to much time on social media.

@hellybelle5

Жыл бұрын

@@mynameis......23 Yes, it's an escape for when you're overwhelmed, and exhausted. I'm not saying it makes it ok, I just understand why she does it.

@mynameis......23

Жыл бұрын

@@hellybelle5 do you understand English? She admitted she spends a lot a of time on social media. Know there's nothing wrong about using social media (if both partners are ok), but wasting time on it and not paying attention to your kids and house is unacceptable. I wish her well but I will not support her wrong behaviour rather make her accountable (a word most woman are afraid of) for her own action ( action of wasting time rather than paying attention on kids and house). You see sometimes we also have to see the other side, and when I see the husband' side i cannot see my wife wasting time on social media and talking care of kids house AND HERSELF. ( I'm not saying husband is sinless, but saying that husband makes a good point)

@lalaishappyyy

Жыл бұрын

@@mynameis......23 you’re going to be a horrible partner

@rigatoni4646

Жыл бұрын

@@mynameis......23 The lady gave birth 7 months ago, she is taking care of babies and dealing with a partner pressuring her and telling her she's not good enough. And her fault is spending too much time on social media... PLEASE

He sounds like a ✨ narcissist✨ I will pray for you sweetheart. You deserve so much better. You are stronger than you realize

@sarasalreta

2 жыл бұрын

THIS!! I was looking for someone who sees the same as I, narcisistic for sure!

9:07: "I don't want a broken family" So sad that she doesn't realize that by moving him with him and having 2 kids without being married she designed and created a broken family from the jump, and ever since that she's been trying unsuccessfully to fix it. Of course sometimes people do manage to fix it, but most times they don't and end up right where she is now.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

There is absolutely zero reason to involve the state in your private life. The (lack of) stamp on a piece of paper is not the problem here, it could in fact very well be a catalyst for her weight to escalate.

@whitneyw.7919

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan Actually family security for your children is a great reason to involve the state in your private life

@el676

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanManFalse.

@wuahwuahwhore

3 жыл бұрын

This reminds me of my cousin who was crying telling me she didn’t want to be a single mom after I told her to leave her cheating boyfriend/father of her child..... I looked her straight in the eyes and told her “you designed this by getting pregnant by your boyfriend of 3 months “

@terriesmith2616

3 жыл бұрын

@@wuahwuahwhore Exactly. It's all about self accountability. More women needs be self accountable when they choose a bad partner, instead of putting 100% of the blame on the guy. She choose him. There was no gun pointing at her head.

Crying, I can feel her pain. John, you are such a blessing to the world. I really hope you know that.

Did the bf ever think that maybe she’s struggling with post partum depression?? She essentially had babies back to back. A two year old and 7 month old (with 9 months gestation = 16/17 months means she got pregnant again 4-5months after the first child). She even said it’s hard for her to feel motivated! Help her, love her, support her.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

@@lrhoffmann1 bingo

That's not the type of guy you want being your kids primary male role model that they soak up like a sponge.

@matthoffman8162

3 жыл бұрын

She should have thought about that.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

Spoken like a (future) single mom.

@jones2277

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan spoken like a (future) happy woman

@Claya94

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan you sound really single. Who hurt you?

@hikerhobby1204

3 жыл бұрын

Y’all know a man is involved in creating a child too, right? You keep talking like she is the only one who took action to get pregnant.

Wow the tone of the call just flipped

Wow, I want to hug her so badly. Get out of that relationship, Nikki - you and your boys deserve a better life.

@kevinalmiron8693

3 жыл бұрын

You cant request to keep a house a little clean these days or what?

@Chanju84

3 жыл бұрын

@@kevinalmiron8693, Not if he isn't helping keep the house "a little clean" himself. She's his partner, not his maid.

@ReddingRed

3 жыл бұрын

@@Chanju84 Do you not think that he's out earning the money every day? If he is, he's not spending time on social media when he could be being productive. I serve in the house spouse role and I don't expect my wife, a senior-level executive, to have to come home and clean because I didn't prioritize my duties.

@ReddingRed

3 жыл бұрын

Are you willing to pay for her existence, or are you advocating that she receive tax-payer money to support her and get her out of her mistake scot-free?

@kevinalmiron8693

3 жыл бұрын

@@Chanju84 who says he's not helping? She didnt say that. That's the problem that guy and you are making assumptions without having the full story

Girl.. Your in a toxic relationship. Get out. Its better you have a broken relationship then raising your kids with him disrespecting you. Know your worth!

She’s in deep depression I feel you her way of laughing and crying set the alarm take care of yourself

Dr. D nailed this one. Yes upkeep is important for a lifelong relationship, but if it wasn’t the house and her body second round postpartum in recovery the guy would be complaining about something else. He isn’t happy with his life and is taking it out on those. It sounds like a classic, he won’t realize he tore his own house down until it’s long gone, type of situation. I don’t know why it’s true, but the day you are over this guy will be the day he tries coming back.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

No, he literally told her what the problem is: obesity and spending time on facebook instead of taking care of the household like most mothers do.

This guy is like an ex-boyfriend I had, only I wasn't living with him or had kids with him. I HOPE she leaves. She doesn't deserve this. Her kids don't deserve this. What a creep.

Marriage is not the solution- so many men expect their wives to do everything for them. They marry because they want a convenient life.... great advice!!!

If I was her I would be like, “ ok, I’ll lose weight, but I have to go to a wellness resort for a month or two or three in order to do so”. Then leave him to take care of the kids and the house all by himself. He’ll stop complaining after that. After further listening - I take this back as I assumed they were married. Girl get out that relationship and carry on with your life. You and your kids will be much happier for it.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through Nikki. I also had two kids with someone who didn't want to get married, who cheated on me, thought I needed a better body, thought I wasn't doing enough. He made me feel like it was me. It was him. It was so hard to get out of that relationship because I always went back. On and off for five years I went back to him. It took courage to get out. I did it for my daughters. I couldn't let them think it was okay to be treated the way I was treated. I pray that you find happiness and the courage to walk away and make a beautiful life for you and your sons.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

It was you, you chose him and kept going back and procreated with him. All choices.

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan I hope you have this happen to you so you know what it's like to be abused, than maybe you'll show some compassion

@madambutrfly23

Жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanManit was him too. I hate people who never think the man is at fault.

@NietzscheanMan

Жыл бұрын

@@madambutrfly23 the woman is the one who decides about kids.

@juneelle370

Жыл бұрын

The man decides where the sp** goes, dude.

Boyfriend; I don’t think you’re a good person Me: ok, bye Women who don’t have self love and respect for themselves will marry or date one that don’t love/respect them.

@el676

3 жыл бұрын

Truth. But don’t underestimate the power of a narcissist. They’re great at breaking even the strongest people down while making them feel they actually love you.

@terriesmith2616

3 жыл бұрын

Bingo! 🎯🎯🎯 She choose to have two kids with a loser. Guys will do what you allow them to do. She clearly has zero self esteem and no self love. A woman who have respect for herself will never tolerate being mistreated.

@terriesmith2616

3 жыл бұрын

@@el676 "In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate"~ Tony Robbins She's clearly willing to tolerate mistreatment from him, otherwise she would've left a long time ago. Kids or no kids.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

@@el676 yes but they do usually only target vulnerable people. It’s good to be aware of the warning signs and have better self esteem

@agilitypoodle99

3 ай бұрын

That’s right! My husband, at his absolute WORST was nothing even close to this. Yet to me, it was bad. It was something I was not going to allow to continue. I stood up for myself and he straightened up. We have been together for nearly 20 years and many “seasons” of life. He is truly my best friend, we both get exactly what we deserve out of the relationship and I could not ask for more. Both people have to be willing to put the work in and it breaks my heart to hear these women. I was her one time and I worked my butt off to get myself to where I am today. You can do it Nikki! If he does not want to put the work in, then he is not worth it. Make and stick to your ultimatums girl ❤

If he wanted a family he would’ve married you a long time ago.

That's why it's best to have kids after marriage. Because that commitment is already there.

@nellymiller7669

3 жыл бұрын

My husband married me and committed to me but behaved exactly the same... no help, no responsibility. And it was so much hader to leave when your're married

@rosx3245

3 жыл бұрын

Marriage doesn’t mean anything with a partner like that

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

Where is her commitment to putting in minimal effort (i.e. not over eating) to hold up her end of the deal.

@siddheshmirjankar910

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan The question is, does he put in the work to stay in shape? If yes, then they could work out together. If he doesn't work out, then he has no right to tell her to stay in shape. She can gain as much weight as she wants. If he wants her to change, he should lead by example and put in 2 hours daily in the gym. Otherwise he's nothing but a hypocrite. Seeing him do it would definitely influence her to do that to.

@jones2277

3 жыл бұрын

i agree with you for the most part, but a guy like this would be the same even if they were married.

Man I want to give her a hug, she sounds so sweet.

I would give anything for a family and fools like this just out there pissing it away... So sad

@musicpro7278

3 жыл бұрын

Bro same

@jennifermcguire8867

3 жыл бұрын

♥️

Sounds like he wants a maid more than a wife IMO.

@front331

3 жыл бұрын

Only because she's overweight. This is how us guys think because losing weight is a decision you can make and it's not that hard so if she doesn't care enough about her physique then there are other things she doesn't care about. She also enabled this guy to do this to her because I know of the type of women like this.

@karmichaelblue

3 жыл бұрын

@@front331 you word this as though one can just make a choice to flip on a light switch and, voila, weight lost. Losing weight is an extremely tedious, lengthy journey. When your life is hectic it’s completely overwhelming to consistently eat in a really strict way and stick to a strict exercise routine, especially as a new mom who is barely getting any sleep with a newborn waking up frequently in the middle of the night. Yes it is a choice to lose weight but don’t judge this woman as though she’s just lazy and could easily change this.

@irenem3854

3 жыл бұрын

@@front331 Sounds like you've never had babies back to back.

@NT-bz5nh

3 жыл бұрын

@@front331 have you ever carried a baby or given birth? If you haven’t then shut up. Your opinion doesn’t matter.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

@@front331 how long have you been single for my man?

A lot of guys think their only job is to bring home a paycheck. My assumption is that it's because it's all they saw their own fathers do. They never stopped to see how hard it must have been on their mothers for having to take care of the father and children while also working.

@Joel-pg4yi

Жыл бұрын

That old school stone age mindset. Man works provides. Woman take cares of kids and pleases her husband. It's sad. My ex was taught this way like she was literally forced and she thought it was wife's deed.

For the first year after having a baby, my tummy just felt so fragile, like it was falling apart, there's no way I could've been running, or jumping about 😢

"This is like a job interview" Man more like an internship where you are paid in "exposure".

When I hear stories like this, it only reaffirms my parents “religious” teaching about relationships that modern mainstream media disparages. If she doesn’t learn from this, her children have a high chance of suffering the same fate.

@jones2277

3 жыл бұрын

being married won't change a guy like this.

@nickolasvela6418

3 жыл бұрын

@@jones2277 Yes, but sleeping with a guy like this before marriage still results in pregnancy.

@jones2277

3 жыл бұрын

@@nickolasvela6418 she should have never stayed with him so long, but she was probably taught to be submissive to him.

@cutehumor

3 жыл бұрын

I hope all of you learned that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior and paid for all of our sins on the cross! The most important lesson in all of the bible

@nickolasvela6418

3 жыл бұрын

@@jones2277 typically, traditional Christian teaching says to not cohabit with a boyfriend and only teaches to submit to husbands so I’m not inclined to agree with you.

I can relate. I went through this, and you eventually get tired and you leave. Now I live on my own and have a wonderful boyfriend! We are planning to get married once he is finished school.

Sounds like this guy cares more about his own selfish pleasures and is not willing to make some temporary sacrifices for the better of his family. He needs to be more gracious with her and realize she needs time to adjust without all the guilt and pressure attached.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

She is the selfish one here, all she needs to do to make her relationship better is reduce her inflated calorie intake, but she is too selfish to do so apparently and rather spends time on facebook at the detriment of herself, her relationship and therefore her kids.

@dl9118

3 жыл бұрын

Nobody needs to do anything. They are both allowing what they are living. Easy call the relationship over!

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

@@dl9118 they both need to be good partners since they both chose to have kids, for which obesity is a horrendous example aside from the relational effects.

@dl9118

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan yes I agree and I agree from experience. The whole weight thing is just an excuse. There is nothing there. His behavior is telling her he does not want to be with her.

@karmichaelblue

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan losing weight is an extremely tedious, lengthy journey requiring someone to be in a healthy mindset consistently over time. She is drowning in responsibilities right now. It’s not as easy as flipping a light switch to lose weight. Why are you so hyper-focused on this woman’s looks when she is clearly overwhelmed and exhausted and needs some help? Where is your humanity?

Sounds like nikkis bf just complains. Doesn’t he have two hands too. Shoot I’ve never push my wife what she needs to do, I motivated her and we do it together :)

@hikerhobby1204

3 жыл бұрын

That’s called a partnership, marriage. He doesn’t want to be 1/2 of a whole.

@pkasper10

3 жыл бұрын

@@hikerhobby1204 two whole people

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

He thinks he can just get people pregnant and bring human beings into this world without any accountability.

@emmarose6590

3 жыл бұрын

He sounds like a classic narcissist. Seems like he shows his good side, the side she feel in love with only when it benefits him. That’s why she misses him. She’s misses the good times, which are rare now

@quelquun2018

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah it was takes up to 2 years to heal COMPLETELY! Even if she was married, why have kids back to back and then complain about how you look? Some parents want their kids close in age, back to back but yet this is the result. A messed up body. She sounds like she didn’t have a workout routine prior to her pregnancies and now he expects her to magically go back to pregnancy weight??? How??

Thank You Dr. John for telling her that this guy is not worth another second of her time!! Bravo!!

I wish I could give her a hug. This was my ex-husband. He body shamed me nonstop after I had my daughter- he even weighed me every day for awhile. I was working out & eating right most of the time but he wouldn't stop harassing me. It's very, very sad.

This dudes did not want her. She was a place holder until he found what he really wanted. Men who really want a certain women dont make her interview.

@michealwolverton6441

3 жыл бұрын

Then don’t let him impregnate you once but especially twice that’s called a choice she should take self responsibility

@thecrackedcocoon5423

3 жыл бұрын

@@michealwolverton6441 she may not have understood this. The way for her to "take responsibility" at this point woyld be to leave him and see a therapist to help her get past this. Once she sees that this guy will never treat her right she should move on.

@michealwolverton6441

3 жыл бұрын

@@thecrackedcocoon5423 so someone who is not cheating and is helping to take care of HIS KIDS also is irredeemable?

@thecrackedcocoon5423

3 жыл бұрын

@@michealwolverton6441 oh your one of them.. I dont argue with name calling trolls.. Bye

@michealwolverton6441

3 жыл бұрын

@@thecrackedcocoon5423 no actually I’m a human but thanks for proving my point.

You tell them Dr. John! I seriously can't believe that some men treat women that way.

He's definitely going to cheat.

@KerryLang

3 жыл бұрын

If he hasn't already...

@front331

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah. I bet good money that she trapped this guy into this situation he doesn't want her or like her.

@Shay-yg7nm

3 жыл бұрын

Yup he's going to cheat for sure. Hes already not happy with her....

@NeccoWecco

3 жыл бұрын

@@front331 "trapped". Conception takes 2 parts.

@Aces135

3 жыл бұрын

@@front331 trap? He knows how to wrap

Ladies, anytime a man introduces an "if" into a possible marriage scenario, RUN. You are not the one.

Later he'll say, "I'm like the boss. You AND THE KIDS are like my employees. If you don't do what I want, I can fire you and replace you." I'm so SO sorry. I've been there. So sorry.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

And not even getting paid for it? I finally like my job better. This company sucks!

Omg this was so upsetting to hear, get the eff out girl! He's a narcissist and will ONLY get worse!

Please leave this looser as soon as you can. Leave him and move on with your life with your children. You and your children deserve SO much better.

@Michelle77Va

13 күн бұрын

Loser***

Thanks Dr. John for being there with love and wisdom to help guide. So sad that so many are in situations like this, and we all need to be the friends and neighbors to help people who are having to go through lives with such hardship.

Do not have kids before mariage, huge chance he will not commit to you. Poor women 😱

@gsquared2394

3 жыл бұрын

I love your first sentence, but not the 2nd. She chose to reproduce with chad twice before locking down a commitment, this is partly her fault.

@CareerCraft56

3 жыл бұрын

@@gsquared2394 you are probably right, but anyway she should not stay with him👍

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

@@gsquared2394 yes I think she made that clear by suggesting not to do this again. That she is accountable for her part. Even better, stay chaste.

Go to a lawyer ASAP. That should be the FIRST advice. Get custody and support immediately. This is obviously a lost cause.

@el676

3 жыл бұрын

They’re not married

@maengh82

3 жыл бұрын

@@el676Married or not, he is father to those two kids so, legally he is financially responsible for them. He may not have to pay alimony because they were never married

And this is why I'm single and childless.

@el676

3 жыл бұрын

haha yep same.

@Moriningland

2 жыл бұрын

Me too.

@BeGlamourlicious

2 жыл бұрын

Same here sisters 👯‍♀️.

This was the best advice. Thank you so much for the compassion you've shown this poor woman.

She's with a narcissist. He's purely selfish.

ive had 2 babies. it took me over 2 years to feel more like myself again. post partum is a long phase and it needs compassion and understanding of those around you. you cant just snap back in a few days /months and each mothers story is different. my body hasnt ever been the same since becoming a mum. certain parts i can't change and thats perfectly normal x .

I'm one of those women who was not blessed with the ability to have children... When I hear stories like this; I consider myself blessed... When children are on the line...so many women make decisions that are SO obviously wrong for everyone involved...

She is not going to leave. She needs to. But she won't.

@NeccoWecco

3 жыл бұрын

She will, maybe not today or tomorrow, but she will get fed up and leave for good

@terriesmith2616

3 жыл бұрын

@@NeccoWecco $5 says she'll continue to stay and tolerate this loser. She won't leave. She's got zero self respect.

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

@@terriesmith2616 she will leave. Eventually. She made a mistake but it won’t be forever.

I was one that stayed in that toxic kind of relationship...not a good decision! Have two grown up sons with real problems...mainly because of the bad situation they grew up in...

This situation sounds like me with my ex-husband. I decided I wanted a better life for her than what she was being exposed to in our relationship. So I left and took her with me. Was it hard? Yes, but SO worth it. Kids watch what you do and believe when they see you being treated badly is acceptable for them to be treated that way. I pray she looks at her babies and knows her and her babies deserve so much better.

i always fell ten times worse for people in abusive relationships when kids are involved.

Should’ve dumped this guy along time ago. Clearly his expectations are unrealistic. Job interview? Give me a break.

@NeccoWecco

3 жыл бұрын

If someone said this was a "job interview" after having 2 children with him, I'd be in jail.

Please leave. A man like this doesnt get better and all you will do is lose your self seeking his approval it doesnt get better

@dancechica

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

Wow some of these comments. It must be so nice to be a man and have no clue how hard having little kids can be. Even if you ‘have the time’ doesn’t mean you’re not exhausted/depressed/overwhelmed. And wanting your partner to lose weight is ok but telling them the things he said to her is not ok 🙄

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

He is communicating clearly that he wants her to show the minimal amount of care for his position in the relationship by simply doing him the courtesy of choosing him over another scoop of ice cream or mindless facebook scrolling. Apparently she was not taking the hints so he made it more clear. Her being overweight is not ok either, not for herself, her relationship or her kids. Stop enabling destructive behaviour.

@sanafarooq9828

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan and you are here again!!

@ArmindaHeart

3 жыл бұрын

@@sanafarooq9828 I’ve encountered this dude before too... just ignore him. Complete narcissist.

@jennykurtz5918

3 жыл бұрын

@@ArmindaHeart yes clearly! Sheesh

@SummeRain783

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan I swear you write your BS like you actually have options to consider in life when in reality no girl wants you with your messed up attitude.

They’re not just her kids but his kids too . We don’t just take them away but we take a stand for ourselves.

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

Well said. Chances are he is aware of the long term health risks of being overweight and would prefer her to set the right example to the kids, aside from the many other issues her being overweight causes.

@el676

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan That doesn’t sound like what’s happening here. Everything she said tells us he’s not a responsible man/dad watching out for example for his kids. Nice effort trying to find a rational reason for this dufis but that defies reality

Dr. John kept calling her the "wife" but... shes not a wife. She never should have have had the first child with this literal man-child, but 2? Nah.. you chose that life. Just leave. But dont have kids out of wedlock again.

@dl9118

3 жыл бұрын

These situations happen even inside the marriage. I am really starting to dislike that paper.

6 years with a "boyfriend" and two children...I mean maybe you're fine with no marriage. But you can't be fine with this psychological abuse.

Where is this weekend engagement with Jocko and Mr deloney? It sounds like a great event! Also wow, this poor lady. She needs a solid community for this tough season and to get the heck out.

See a counselor virtually first and take things from there. You got this momma. Even if it’s you doing in on your own. ♥️

Thank you Dr John! Love your channel, and helping people out there!🤗

This comment section is so disappointing and not surprising. My son just turned 1 and this lady sounds just like I did. To a tee. I was athletic before. I am married, but doesn’t matter how connected I was with my husband. No one can prepare you for the postpartum depression, no one. It consumed me. No one tells you men experience postpartum, it consumed him. All I could see was dark and all he could see was my mess. A lot of therapy and self-care had to take place for me to finally feel like myself again. For our house to be ok again, but this comment section further proves why I and many other women suffered in silence. Y’all need help.

@eclipse.5295

3 жыл бұрын

There’s an amazing podcast called adult conversations check it out

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

Obesity is a bad example for kids, mentally and physically.

@thexmichellexalonso

3 жыл бұрын

@@NietzscheanMan so is the lack of regard for mental health

@NietzscheanMan

3 жыл бұрын

@@thexmichellexalonso indeed, she should get her act together.

@thexmichellexalonso

3 жыл бұрын

It didn’t happen overnight for me nor did it happen without medical intervention. Just wish the boyfriend in this example would take a step back & realize that his partner, this woman is knee deep in depression & doing the best she can