The way to compliment someone "above" you is by asking their advice.

@lulumoon6942

Жыл бұрын

Great point.

@leechburglights

Жыл бұрын

And it helps if you truly have earned their respect, and they are someone you do in fact look up to.

@eyeswideopenpod

Жыл бұрын

Yes! That’s true. Great comment. Who doesn’t like to be asked for advice? It’s a great compliment. ❤

@Boris82

Жыл бұрын

That is indeed a way of complimenting, or at least flattering.

@nicewhenearnedrudemostlyel489

Жыл бұрын

This person is tuned. Pay attention. For fear of betraying myself... this is genuine for the more astute. They really are amazed and enthralled when another human can actually fathom what they're on about. It's simpler than people make it to be.

I had a beautiful soul professor who was your typical scruffy English professor - always disheveled looking but sweet as pie. He came to class all dolled up one day and I complimented him on how nice he looked. I saw something in his eyes that told me he needed that. For the remainder of that semester I watched him cheer up and start taking care of his appearance more. It made me realize what one genuine compliment can do!

@lulumoon6942

Жыл бұрын

That's great to hear. I was raised to share genuine compliments as we never know what other's are going through, and a kind words can make a difference.

@kdphotos4691

Жыл бұрын

I was a PA to a CEO and his supervisor, the Director, came by one day. I liked him because he was always direct and jolly. He stopped by my desk to ask if the CEO was around. I spontaneously said to him, "you look nice!" He quipped back, "that means I look terrible all the other days." I laughed because it's exactly what I have said before. People who see me all the time would suddenly compliment me and that was always my immediate thought. Great, now I have to keep it up! 🤣🤣

@Opal5674

Жыл бұрын

Reminds me of when an old man at work said something about the sort of odd way his beard grew in. I just said he beard was cool and unique looking and he said thanks but later he came up to me and really said thanks and that he didn't get any kind of compliment very often and that it cheered him up.

@a-a-rondavis9438

Жыл бұрын

He is a man. Of course a pretty woman's compliment makes his day, week, month, or life. Doesn't happen often.

@lulumoon6942

Жыл бұрын

@@a-a-rondavis9438 Didn't see any reference to their beauty or age, but yes, that can be a positive motivation to a man.

I'm a med school student and never thought about complimenting any doctor at the hospital. But one time, I was really impressed by one of the doctors having a very empathetic attitude during a conversation with a patient. It felt weird, but I just had to tell him what a good job he had done and that I would've been thankful as a patient to have somebody like him as my doctor. Surprisingly, he was very touched by my compliment and I had a feeling that not many people had told him that in recent years. I think that being a head physician/ boss/ whatsoever makes one really lonely, because everybody develops this way of thinking that "I'm below him, who am I to compliment anything about him?" and quite frankly, I find it pretty sad.

@susanlisak9018

5 ай бұрын

I guess it's true that it can be very lonely at the top but if one can come back to earth once in awhile it doesn't have to be so lonely

@NautiPapaT

5 ай бұрын

I agree, I have always complimented or acknowledged an act that was admirable and it is as though they haven't heard any positive feedback in years. For that reason, I always - carefully - am sure to give positive feedback to all that have earned it

@Suresh_menon99

5 ай бұрын

In your case it is true.. and i have an experience that i had a fav teacher and we are close... i used to genuinely compliment her but later on idk why it went wrong.. recently she got promotion as an associate professor.. i thought she may feel happier when i compliment her....after that incident i realized there exist that diff even though people who we love.... i stopped complimenting her..

@moser0709

5 ай бұрын

People above feel very lonely and vulnerable...sometime they need sincere compliment

@Rayview-px1hm

5 ай бұрын

I think you are right if you are complimenting a humble or somewhat humble person but complimenting the not so humble might not mean the same to them even if they act gracious about it outwardly inwardly it might just boost their ego or mean nothing as people of lower status could mean very little or nothing to them. Society is in a sad state of affairs with so many very egotistical. I usually take the chance and compliment many people I come across daily as I hope it will foster happiness and / or soften the harder hearts. I love to make people feel good and hope they might give more kindness to other people as they go about their day.

I remember, once, I called this guy, "Sir", his response was, "Don't call me, sir, I work for a living." My response was, "All the more reason to call you, "Sir."

@katrinasanders4384

5 ай бұрын

This happened to me the other day I called somebody, sir, and he said the exact same thing I don’t get it where I come from. That’s a respect.

@Keyboard6304

5 ай бұрын

​@@katrinasanders4384it comes from the military. Sir is used to refer to an officer. Sargent's are the lower enlisted that work their way up doing the grunt work.

@KennethSee

5 ай бұрын

That guy was a marine probably.

@Freedom_is_better_than_safety

5 ай бұрын

@@Keyboard6304This is the correct answer.

@baronmadhuva769

5 ай бұрын

​@@Keyboard6304thank you we live and learn.

This is how I raised my kids! I complimented them, specifically, and they gave me more! They’re awesome adults now!

@chrysteller7462

Жыл бұрын

Some people think, their kids are wonderful human beings... But others, from bad experiences, thinks differently ...

@E4T4

Жыл бұрын

@@chrysteller7462 well no shit

@domusardet4961

Жыл бұрын

​@@chrysteller7462 so you're trying to prove that being negative in response to people's positive thoughts has the opposite effect - thanks, there's an overabundance of positive thinking in our world, we desperately need more negativity!

@Paper_Trader

Жыл бұрын

Well, it's time to share that secret with your kids, so that they follow the footprints.

@domusardet4961

Жыл бұрын

@@Paper_Trader she said that's how she raised her kids - that means she DID share it with them

I would compliment someone way above me in the hierarchy when it's genuine because it's showing appreciation

@nicewhenearnedrudemostlyel489

Жыл бұрын

Commendable to attempt, but i don't think that's what he meant. Lol. I'm almost positive he meant you can't because you're too low status. They wouldn't take it as appreciation. They'd take it as you being presumptious and disregarding the hierarchy. I don't necessarily agree, but it seems probable in a lot of places. I know franchise owners generally don't think well of the employees at all.

@dodieodie498

Жыл бұрын

Yeah. I don't quite understand this clip. I've complimented teachers, supervisors, and other "superiors", and it turned out well. As a matter of fact, it can help you too and raise your status somewhat, as it shows that you appreciate them, and they then might take more of an interest in you. The might come to see you as someone thoughtful or interested in things higher, I suppose. Maybe you can be seen as someone worth mentoring or raising up. In a way, it can humanize them toward you, if that makes sense. You are no longer just an underling. Even people at the top appreciate sincere appreciation.

@southernbelladonna78

Жыл бұрын

Yes and you should if it's genuine. He seems to be the type to always be manipulating the situation, not in a negative way, so if you have a genuine compliment pretty sure it will be seen as such. Don't change that. No one minds a sincere compliment. He's speaking of when you compliment a behavior so that it will be repeated. Not what you're saying. What you're speaking of is fine.

@hannahkirchner1656

Жыл бұрын

I'm screwed bc I compliment people above me when I can to encourage changes and improvement. Why is it presumptuous? It needs to be honest. Not ass kissy.

@CheesecattleMacklesbee

Жыл бұрын

What matters more? That you compliment them or they FEEL COMPLIMENTED? And are you genuine in your compliment or are you seeking to gain something? Because people worthy of compliments can smell ass kissers. If the room sees their value better than you do, its best to shut up and not waste their time. Oh yeah sure, you can genuinely compliment people. AND STILL BE AN ASS KISSER

SINCERITY IS THE REAL KEY... PEOPLE TEND TO SENSE THE REASON.

@GeminiJus

8 күн бұрын

Hmm i dunno lots of people have quite big ego's nowadays wich are easy to exploit if you compliment them. But you didnt hear that from me 🤭

I compliment everyone on the streets everyday ! I started doing it and I can see the difference in makes in mine and their energy ! We need more smiles and compliments !

Children especially need this. Encouraging and complimenting. They flourish when they feel empowered.

@falleneldor

Жыл бұрын

My mom, not great with compliments still expresses her hurt, that my dad died 18 years now was closer to me emotionally. I tell her with all the love I have for her, that any divide is my hurt at the constant criticisms, put downs and "jokes" at my expense. but of course i need to "get over it". her hurt is valid...and my fault somehow even though i tell her and show her my love daily... im 40. she is near 80. my dad always told me how proud he was of me, how brave i was, nice etc etc etc. he always said nice things to me daily. my art, wrirting etc, etc. both my parents where physically and psychologically abused as children...BADLY! Most boomers seam to gave been. more culturally accepted to whip kids with belts, paddles, lashes... both parents suffered undiagnosed PTSD, my dad suffered from chonic depression i now realize. My mom, she is very miserable most of the times...its very hard to get her out of her bad moods enduced by stress. sorry, for the lifestory. lol. i guess im just vehemently agreeing with you. its so important to be emotinoally reassure your kids. sometimes, you have to grow up and realize tge tables are turned and parent your aging parent. So many people just abandon thier parents in old folks homes...its so sad.

@Jenacide

Жыл бұрын

@@falleneldor My mom was super critical and neither her or my dad got abused as kids

@bioches

Жыл бұрын

Lol children don’t need to feel empowered. They need to learn. What’s the point of empowering a kid when they haven’t learned humility yet

@tamraya23

Жыл бұрын

@@bioches this is the kind of mentality that you don’t want a parent to have. You make it look like empowerment is the opposite of humility and it is not; they’re two separate entity. You can be empowered and humble. You know your rights, your talents, and if you’ve been wronged. And at the same time humble towards yourself and others. Little children are not little artificial intelligence robots soaking knowledge and building neural networks. Little children are human beings. They need teachings and care. Care constitutes psych, mind, soul, and body. So before you open your mouth vomiting nonsense educate yourself on child development. Honestly if anything it shows you are a product of trauma who thinks whatever they went thru is normal when in reality it is dysfunctional af.

@Dorkrust

Жыл бұрын

​@Shawn sure her hurt is valid, but it's not your fault and doesn't excuse her bad behavior... IMHO

Everyone loves a compliment if it's genuine, doesn't matter who they are.

@adxd1002

Жыл бұрын

Exactly!!

@rebeccahherdener2068

Жыл бұрын

So much this!

@johannesschmitz6370

Жыл бұрын

I actually do not like to get flattered by compliments. But I think it's because of my self critical view.

@jrstf

Жыл бұрын

For me only, if you've never given me a specific criticism I don't feel you've earned the right to compliment me.

@techspray5892

Жыл бұрын

No shit bro the whole point is what will they do with that compliment will it give them a power trip or will they feel gratitude

I work in a factory that has production lines and I lead one of those lines and this is very very true. If I'm training someone new I lay out the expectations and instead of telling them they need to do better I just remind them of the expectations, show them and tell them how to achieve that or at least how to get closer and I'll acknowledge them when they improve and compliment them on their performance and it means a lot. It's amazing how little it takes and they will compliment you back. It feels good and it creates a really healthy work environment.

@ThatOnePieceKid

6 ай бұрын

More supervisors like you are desperately needed.

I tell my manager all the time how much I appreciate her. She is absolutely the best. And I tell her managers. She is a good-natured person and her parents raised her rught. Such a light..

@mybrainhurts3727

6 ай бұрын

I wonder what the larger implications of that are in the work environment.

@virtuoussoulhealer3644

6 ай бұрын

@mybrainhurts3727 I enjoy building others. Never thought about the implications. I even tell housekeeping how much I sincerely appreciate them when they do a great job.

@mybrainhurts3727

6 ай бұрын

@@virtuoussoulhealer3644 Ah. Well, I don't think complementing service workers is unusual. I do wonder, how do you know you're building people up, having failed to consider the broader implications? And what do you even mean by "building people up?"

@virtuoussoulhealer3644

6 ай бұрын

@@mybrainhurts3727 kindness is unusual

I’ve complimented people above me (sincerely) and I feel like they are the one’s who rarely receive genuine compliments, so if done correctly I think it’s not bad.

@matty301

Жыл бұрын

Nah bro. That makes you an ass kisser

@desireesmith862

Жыл бұрын

That’s a good point.

@YeshuasLuVd1two

Жыл бұрын

Definitely exceptions can be made, but definitely exceptions are not given to everybody. Exceptions definitely are warranted for those with more common sense than to those with the less* of it. And common sense we all know it’s very, very difficult to find.

@denzeldarocha9622

Жыл бұрын

Actually they are not because everybody is always complimenting them but it usually always has ulterior motives and not genuine. I would argue rich people suffer from too much fake compliments than not having having compliments that's why you must be careful when complimenting them because they might assume you want something from them afterall everybody else wants something from them.

@sumaiyatasnim2325

Жыл бұрын

Spot on

Every time I compliment someone on their work, that confidence boost is crazy. They start doing that same work thrice better and faster! Just shows how people seek validity and recognition all the time. I'm not naturally a people pleaser but i feel like you gotta do it sometimes

@florencia2771

Жыл бұрын

😂 I know this trick, doesn’t work with me. I am past what people think.

@noodlenate

Жыл бұрын

Totally. Anytime I see someone doing a good job out in public, like gardening a park I make an effort to tell them their hard work shows and I am very grateful.

@biggerissues6085

11 ай бұрын

@@noodlenate Really? That all sounds a bit fake.

@noodlenate

11 ай бұрын

@@biggerissues6085 acknowledging the worth and hard work of other people isn't fake. Give it a try.

@BIANIME1

11 ай бұрын

@@biggerissues6085how? To go out your way and to acknowledge someone or something they did, how is that fake?

A few good years ago I complimented my German manager (3-4 levels above me) and it brightened him for many days. I was sincere in acknowledging his altruistic efforts and he was very happy that at least 1 person observed this, and even though my appreciation was made in a relaxed and joking way (to put him at ease), he accepted the recognition. Way to go, Mr. Andreas Kircher, I salute you in this way! I also remembered since then to do this more often (at different companies) and the reactions were awesome; more of the "lower levels" should do it, but being sincere, of course.

You can learn a lot about how someone reacts to your genuine compliments. If they are nasty about it, they think they're better than you, and no longer worthy of further compliments. If they feel manipulated by it when you were truly honest, they're probably a manipulative person themselves.

@jarrilaurila

7 ай бұрын

But Jordan just said you should only compliment people who are lower on hierarchy.

@oc1148

6 ай бұрын

Dang, well said!!! Totally agree!

@MM-d289

5 ай бұрын

@@jarrilaurilaNobody is obligated to do what Jordan says.

@jarrilaurila

5 ай бұрын

@@MM-d289 my point was that by Jordan's logic if someone is giving you a compliment it would indocate that He/she thinks being higher in hierarchy because you would not compliment someone lower than you.

@TheLifeOfMelmo

3 ай бұрын

@@jarrilaurilaI compliment people regardless of who they are except men I am more careful but the second I think something positive why not share it. I notice it brightens most peoples mood x

I recognise people for their deeds rather than their hierarchy.

@Intensive_Porpoises

Ай бұрын

Deeds is how people stratify in a hierarchy

@avidanbhujbal-fd7un

20 сағат бұрын

Yeah but some people really just judge you on basis of your place in the hierarchy than your personality That's what the world has come to

Compliment whomever you want! As long as it is genuine. This world has a dearth of encouragement. People need encouragement, no matter their status. Just do it.

@mybrainhurts3727

6 ай бұрын

The question is, what makes you think that people doing better than you in life need your encouragement?... If you can't come up with a good answer to that question then perhaps you will see how it's presumptuous.

@chefboiardeeznutz9881

6 ай бұрын

​@@mybrainhurts3727that's fair, but who's to say, even though they are doing better in whatever they are than you, that you can't genuinely give a compliment? Maybe your compliment comes from a place of admiration because they are doing something better than you.

@mybrainhurts3727

6 ай бұрын

@@chefboiardeeznutz9881 Well, I would ask, what is the purpose of complimenting if not to encourage peers, family, and people beneath you in socioeconomic status? Also, who is the compliment for? If you're complimenting someone, not for the benefit of the other person but out of your own desire to express your thoughts or feelings, why should they appreciate the compliment rather than find it inappropriate or presumptuous? As for the question of "who's to say you can't," I would just say it's about acknowledging our social norms and figuring out whether they serve some purpose, and then deciding whether to follow the rules or break them. Either way, you have to pick a lane and pay very close attention to what happens as a result of your actions. And if you do that you'll find out what happens one way or the other. In general, successful people follow the rules, so I would advise following them to the best of your ability, to the extent that you don't have a moral disagreement with them. The thing is, these kinds of rules will exist no matter what. Why should I think I could come up with better rules? Why should I think I understand these things in all their complexity?

@avagomez7448

6 ай бұрын

Agree.

@vikos78

6 ай бұрын

Absolutely disagree. I hate when people compliment me and don't understand what I am doing. It sounds so unrespectful.

Had a leader who was bright, sharp, and kind, unbelievable combination of traits. And once I told him that, genuine I was. He took it nicely 😊. Had a manager who was smart, but no depth, no consistency, not inspiring; he expects and demands to be complimented - I dont do that, cannot, would not; he raised a handful of hand-kissers around him 😊.

The way you compliment people above you is by saying things like “thank you for your time” “I really appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness” at least that’s what I do.

@Meg_Davis

23 күн бұрын

A wonderful example! Thank you for sharing.

I think you can compliment someone further up in the hierarchy if the situation warrants it. In the Army we call them azimuth checks. An effective leader should be receptive to valid critiques from their subordinates, but occassionally they need to hear from a subordinate that they are doing right by them, especially when the situation is particularly stressful. The compliment should be valid and warranted though. Ass kissing is never a good thing for the leader or the subordinate.

@adiongano8416

Жыл бұрын

How can they trust that what anyone below them says to them is a genuine reaction of what those people think?

@theresahenderson3534

Жыл бұрын

One day there won't be a status hierarchy where one can't compliment someone in a higher status hierarch. According to Jordan Peterson someone in the lower status hierarchy can't compliment someone above you, since they are above you. Really Jordon Peterson? That's ridiculous.

@googleisretarded7618

Жыл бұрын

@@theresahenderson3534 Because it comes off as presumptuous. Imagine Wayne Gretzky taking shots at a net. A 15-year-old kid unironically slaps him on the back and says, "Great job, Wayne. Keep it up."

@chickenlover657

Жыл бұрын

That's actually not "complimenting". It's a show of appreciation, or gratitude. Which are different things.

@Red_Four

Жыл бұрын

@@adiongano8416 they can do this by actually getting to know who their subordinates are and developing a good working relationship with them. If you get to know your subordinates on a more personal level while maintaining professionalism, then you will know if they are being genuine or not.

I got called into my managers office after a complaint. I'm a complimentary person. Whether you're male or female if you dress great, I love to tell them. Sadly, never anymore. After someone complained that I said they look good today. Had to justify myself. To the point I went other way and inward at work. Months later I was called in to the managers office for not being social. That I hardly speak. That I've lost my enthusiasm and I seem unhappy. I looked at my boss in amazement. When your bubble is formed around your personality to like yourself. Then that's questioned. It leaves a devastating emptiness

@hellsangel1072

10 ай бұрын

WTF for real. What job is that and what kind of jerk complained on receiving a compliment lol. Sad you had go through such ridiculous thing.

@fiddah

10 ай бұрын

Maybe they thought you meant they look good that day and not on other days. الله أَعْلَم . Personally I don’t compliment on the looks of people of the opposite gender in front of them unless it’s my brother, father etc. I would suggest other people to do the same. I don’t know if you spoke to the opposite gender when you said “you look good today.” They may have taken that as flirtation if they were of the opposite gender. الله أَعْلَم

@redbeard2527

10 ай бұрын

I’ve worked in corporate environments that have people walking on eggshells. It’s a horrible feeling knowing that saying the wrong thing by accident, or on purpose, can lead to job loss.

@RJ-wj4el

10 ай бұрын

Something is wrong where you work and it's not you!!

@janinevance9917

10 ай бұрын

I hope you regain the spark of giving compliments despite the complaints. Out of the one or two who complained, I believe the other majority were uplifted and it improved their day 🎉.

Genuine compliments are one of the easiest things to do to brighten someone's day. If I see someone doing something that I genuinely like and want to see them do more of, I'll compliment them, much for the reasons that the good Doctor said. Recently at the end of a conversation with my state senator, I complimented him on being good at listening to his constituents - in Smerica, our politicians aren't exactly supposed to be in an authority hierarchy "above us" directly (unless you are actually an employee of the government, and they're your actual boss), we're actually supposed to be _their_ bosses.

I've learned so much from this man, so grateful for him.

@TargttdGma

5 ай бұрын

Well, I'd kindly accept a compliment from anyone, at any time, REGARDLESS OF EMPLOYMENT POSITION or $ in the BANK -- because that is the right way to act. Respect is Earned. Status - generally involves assumptions, ignorance, programming, and theatre. Status - something intangible and ambiguous - a term which effectively gains privilege & power ... automatically. This vid is unlike ANYTHING ive heard before, from this man. Whoa😢

The thing is I notice when someone overly compliments you they’re trying to manipulate you. I think that’s what the message is to pay attention to complimenting.

@aeptacon

11 ай бұрын

but it's genuine, why would they boost your confidence ? It's a win win

@nuckygulliver9607

11 ай бұрын

people that compliment want something from you. Even Peterson said the compliment is to get better work around you. @@aeptacon

@grace88855

10 ай бұрын

​@@aeptaconit's a test how gullible you are, see how they are in a social event or gathering if they're like that to everyone

@SVOceanBird

10 ай бұрын

Complimenting somebody to manipulate them is called pandering.

@nicksyb5920

Ай бұрын

@@nuckygulliver9607 that's the trouble, maybe he is thinking from the position of someone who compliments people because they are manipulative either to get you to do what you want or to change the power differential. I have often complimented people genuinely. It's disppointing there are so many power games. It makes most working environments so dispiriting. Peterson is very conscious of his status.

Everytime I complement one of the young guys at work for something specific they have done it's really makes there day and they always focus more afterwards. Some of them unfortunately don't appear to have had much encouragement in life, but us old boys will fix that.

@lulumoon6942

Жыл бұрын

Lord bless the "old boys" training up young men. Makes the world go around! ❤️🙏💞

@aneljimenez831

Жыл бұрын

Love this comment. I do this in construction when I see they are falling behind... I complement them, and all of the sudden, they become better at it.

@dmac3183

Жыл бұрын

@Anel Jimenez and at the end of the day they are chuffed at what they did, that's rewarding for us.

@leechburglights

Жыл бұрын

Did this exact thing when I became a manager in the restaurant. Led my stores to become some of the lowest turn-over locations where we hardly ever lost employees. One thing I watched in the 90's as I got my first job was to see very few men were positive role models. Sure I had some "cool bosses" but some of them were just manipulative. It's amazing when you meet someone who truly is a mentor, that leads you on the journey and teaches you to be the person you need to grow into. Thank god for great lessons, and even more so for letting me learn them early on.

@lulumoon6942

Жыл бұрын

@@leechburglights Your humility is refreshing. Indeed, it is an honor to learn, and share that knowledge with others. Blessings to you ❤️🙏💞

This is gold- complement people on a positive thing they do and they will do more of it…simple and genius

I did this at my work. I was brought onto a toxic team, and complemented the mean women untol their hearts softened, and now every is happy and supportive.

A heart-felt compliment can make a person’s day. Sometimes we think that nobody notices what we do and the extra things we do that we don’t have to for others. Feeling appreciated is one of the best feelings in the world and it does motivate people to do more & better.

@CrazedTacoEater852

Жыл бұрын

And heart felt compliments are always much more wordy than "good job". Those stick with me forever. Heck, a man made me fall in love with him just because he would compliment my character and actions so sincerely. Very good stuff.

@tiagodecastro2929

Жыл бұрын

I like to scan the faces of all the people around me when I'm in public (it's an instinctual "looking to see if I run into anyone I know" thing) and so I tend more than some people I know to notice the moods of strangers. If I ever notice that a stranger seems to be feeling blue, I look for something to compliment about them- an interesting tattoo, a cool hat, a beard or hairstyle that looks intricate and highly attended to. It makes a world of difference for them, especially if there's a sentimental value to the target of your compliment, like maybe their hat having been a gift from a parent or something. People love to tell their stories, and often just need somebody who will listen. Give them a compliment and maybe an ear, and everyone will walk away happier. It's a very small but very good thing to do, I think.

@JustDoIt12131

Жыл бұрын

You should learn that you can do that yourself. If you trust your own judgement, that is. Why need others to tell you that you did well when you know it yourself. You have to ask yourself if you do things just because your instincts in general make you feel good by acting that way, or because you intellectually chose certain instincts to be objectively positive, like cooperation. The need for other's admiration is an arbitrary instinct: it can lead to good actions and to harmful actions. It only has a very superficial and limited value. And it can very well get in the way of acting correctly.

@martinemoore4980

Жыл бұрын

​@@tiagodecastro2929 My husband, (boyfriend for 10 years, until I married him) always treated me well...like his Queen, his soulmate, his equal...we were TOTALLY in tune with one another on EVERY LEVEL. (I was the breadwinner, very successful, had bought my first home & put all the extra money, sweat equity & all...Then once we got married, things slowly changed...like a trickle I never noticed...Now he's basically taken away my entire identity, I am basically a "kept woman" and it has changed me...hurt me, and it's barely happy...I'm the most non-"high maintenance", obedient, honest, loyal and giving wife...I've done everything he has said. I'm lost.

@tiagodecastro2929

Жыл бұрын

@@martinemoore4980 I'm very sorry to hear that. It sounds from your description as though something changed within him. Maybe it's something he didn't even notice, himself. Has he told you about anything that may be different now than it was in the beginning of your relationship?

Words matter! People need encouragement now more then ever before! People are hurting and a compliment means that they were seen! Being seen from time to time is medicine!

@user-du7dm6ck7k

6 ай бұрын

Be a mentor, not a suck up Did I get that message ?

@patticakes74

5 ай бұрын

As far as I'm concerned there is no man higher. I compliment anyone that deserves it

@KingSausage74

5 ай бұрын

"Let them hurt."

@iRRichiee

5 ай бұрын

Exactly, even if higher, and they get an ego…that speaks more to their charachter than yours

@anopinion9830

5 ай бұрын

He gave more examples of people TO compliment, than situations in which it’s inappropriate. ❤

This is very interesting. Working in behavior health, something we do to evaluate and ultimately change a behavior is to give positive reinforcement (a compliment in his example) by being specific but also being immediate so those people pair the desired behavior with how immediate they receive the reinforcement, whether that be attention, a tangible, etc.... What is interesting is that Jordan is addressing how by doing this behavior (complimenting) others can create a situation where you are the cause of what becomes a negative behavior. This is a slippery slope as it can become an agent of control by either/all parties involved, which is a recipe for constant conflict. Smart man, he is.

Compliments will always get you more than complaints.

I'll compliment anyone I want. When you start worrying about who you talk to based on hierarchy, you're headed in the wrong direction. Showing fear to people above you in the hierarchy only solidifies your status below them. Be strong!

@thecramptons

Жыл бұрын

100 percent

@peterbyun441

Жыл бұрын

Agree. And you don’t want to be with those entitled people who take a compliment as something else anyway.

@iKennectz

Жыл бұрын

It depends on the situation and the person you are complimenting, for example a boss at work you haven't actually interacted with before if you bump into them at work and you start by complimenting them every time you meet, they are likely to think you are buttering them up If you noticed a certain way that they completed something work related and then compliment the way that they did it, they will see an observant employee that is looking for ways to learn by themselves - Dr Peterson is referring to situations like that If you're a 3/10 guy, unfit and out of shape, and you walk up to attractive girls at a bar surrounded by guys, walking up to them and telling them that they are attractive won't get you anywhere - every other one of the men there have been complimenting them all night on how they look He isn't saying don't compliment people, he is saying there is a right and wrong way/place/time to do it

@karenbrewer7424

Жыл бұрын

I totally agree with you!! The only one higher than *any* of us is God. And I don't think he'd mind, either.

@powdergate

Жыл бұрын

@hosatk Definitely showing a lack of understanding of context and finer social etiquette there. But that's OK, you'll naturally fall into the social hierarchies that most fit you, so best of luck :)

I work in a caregiver role which includes my higher-ups. I’ve learned that people in those positions generally appreciate being complimented in private, with sincerity, and value being recognized for the subtle things they do.

@rayjay1543

Жыл бұрын

I love this

It’s like he’s said before about how little encouragement people need when their whole life they’ve literally had none. It’s hard for people with good loving parents to comprehend but some of us grew up never being complimented or told you’d done anything worthwhile.

As kids we were taught to always be happy for your friends accomplishments no matter how small or irrelevant. Just be there at that moment for them. What we learned was, you make your friends circle better in many ways.

I compliment people "above me" at work all the time! They love it because rememeber: it's lonely at the top.... So i treat them like humans and crack jokes and let them know their efforts are appreciated and that their guidance is important to my own job. When i was being hired at my current job, i told them that recognition from my supriors is valuable to me, so they make sure to let me know im valued and tell me "great work". I acknowledge them taking the time to communicate that to me and that it means a lot to me. Kinda like how no one tells a parent theyre doing well....they need to hear it sometimes and there is a time and place for it + the right way to do it. Edit: ooof....you can tell who is miserable from how they project their misery onto my comment/personal experience. Some of you just cannot stand others having a good time in life while you scowl from your corner. That's your problem, not mine. Toodles.

@perrycoffey5410

Жыл бұрын

It's remember

@approximateknowledge5577

Жыл бұрын

@@perrycoffey5410 it's a typo. Relax.

@ariadnem1

Жыл бұрын

Totally agree. No one is really ‘above’ the next person. It brings humility to treat someone above you as if they were your equal, in an honouring way.

@1disciple66

Жыл бұрын

That’s great! And I believe it falls into what he is saying. He knows you intention and is not speculating. Good strategy 😊

@bobbilheimersky7689

Жыл бұрын

Great comment delivered well! Thank you for doing it!

Your friends praise you when it's deserved. Your teachers correct you when necessary. Your enemies flatter you.

@BlazeEst

Жыл бұрын

Yo that’s facts 😂

@jacobygrove2202

Жыл бұрын

In reality, teachers will "correct you" if you say anything that goes against the postmodern, materialist regime.

@Zaloomination

Жыл бұрын

What do you see as the difference between the two?

@pizzaparkerhotdogmaguire3225

Жыл бұрын

I've complimented people way above my league for their genuine qualities & guess what? We became friends. There came time when fake people left me but those people stayed in my life even after that

@JohnDoe-qz1ql

Жыл бұрын

That's only if your enemies are civil. In some places that isn't the case.

Compliments can be a powerful tool for building relationships, but it is important to be mindful of the context and how they may be received.

This couldn’t be any truer!! When I was in the working world, if someone complimented me on my work, I would think, “Oh yeah, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!!” and I’d push myself even harder. If managers would only realize this, they’d get so much more out of their employees (including respect!) by praising their work and at the same time, giving the employee boosted feelings of confidence and wanting to strive to do better. It’s a nice feeling to be recognized and appreciated for work well done!!

it is never presumptuous to compliment somebody genuinely.

@jazura2

Жыл бұрын

I disagree. With somebody who is at the top of their game in any activity that you are not, to complement them is condescending and presumptious. The most you can say is 'that's wonderful or thank you or' I appreciate your talented etc.

@SteveB-nx2uo

Жыл бұрын

@@jazura2 So to be clear, the best shot in the world, you cannot tell them they nailed the target. The fastest runner, you cannot congradulate on running so well. The best Chess grandmaster, you cant compliment the mastery of. The race car driver who wins the race, you are condescending if you celebrate their win with them. I think you are far too focused on status, or maybe had someone in your life that was free with under handed compliments. For most people, someones relation to your ability is a non factor with compliments. I work helping a chimney guy, if I tell him that a section of his pointing looks great, or the lead step flashing looks perfect, he doesnt scowl because I am his worker and it is inappropriate for me to praise his work. He celebrates because he did a good job, the work came out well, and I'm satasfied with the quality. Creating a culture where workers with less experience cant share their opinion or point things out, or even PRAISE their superiors sounds like a strict heirarchy not based on merit, but time served like a labor union or just general culture of fear. It seems like you may be assigning positivity and evaluation as a privelage that needs to be earned by the rank and file, and is reserved for managment, whose job it is to judge the lower caste of workers. This mind set is counter productive, alienates EVERYONE who is not 'supposed to' express themselves, and will lose you most of your quality workers, who choose to change employers until they find a place they are valued respected treated like a human being and paid for their efforts.

@jazura2

Жыл бұрын

@@SteveB-nx2uo You can absolute tell them they nailed the target. It was Peterston who was talking about staus not me. I was talking about talent or skill I am have been in the travel business all my working life. A friend last week who is not tech savvy asked me if I would help him to book some flights So I did. He said to me "You've done well" A perfect example of someone who should have just said Thank you! It wasn't appropriate in those circumstances

@mostfunnestchannel

Жыл бұрын

It is not preumptious to compliment somebody who is humble, but people at the top are very rarely humble and almost always full of themselves

@randomuser66438

Жыл бұрын

You're missing the difference between idolizing and complimenting. You cannot actually compliment a worldclass player, unless you have a reputation to back it up.

I would say if they are "above you in a status hierarchy," show gratitude, but avoid flattery.

@kaitlynkarol4600

Жыл бұрын

Yes - you are right! There are 2 kinds of compliments: 1 is for flattery which is positive reinforcement for your peers or underlings beneath your power grade/ level, etc and 2 - is for gratitude b/c when you say thank you to the ones above you, as that is what they need so much b/c they need to know their leadership is working and that they're not attracting a bunch of sycophants who are just hangers-on types. No one on a higher level wants to be followed by phony hipsters and 'stalker' types. Many famous ppl have actually said this too: "The best compliment to give me is to thank me for my work I did in the movie; anything else is arse-kissing"...this is so true! I too have been in leadership positions most of my life and no one ever thanks me for my contributions. I either get butt kissers who want to distract me w/ their phony charm to get something from me they don't deserve and didn't earn or they treat me w/ disrespect like my insights don't count. I am a tutor/home-schooler teacher and magazine editor/ writer & we teachers and editors would like to not have such a thankless job! But the kids today want to tell us how 'out of touch' we are or that we're 'conspiracy theorists' and these dumb-dumbs haven't got a clue about what we're even talking about so how can they eval us? Most ppl don't even know what REAL journalism or communication skills look like, let alone how to eval the experts who know far more than the average person knows about these topics most ppl take for grtanted! We live in a culture now of the 'arrogant idiot' so this applies to that VERY WELL!! Peterson got this one right but he needs to qualify it w/ what I call a 'balancer perspective'.

Compliments is different from flattery. I believe when you genuinely compliment people, it encourages them and they tend to appreciate you more. Even those above you, it shows you recognize their efforts and time they giving you.

@MM-d289

5 ай бұрын

Well said.

Best marital advice 👍 speak out what your partner is doing great rather then pulling him down

This is so true, I always wondered how this happened in my high school. Every grade but mine were generally jerks to each other, they all had their clicks and small friend groups, but our grade did some reason were all very friendly to one another with minimal small groups. It seemed to stem from a group of us that were likable and friendly, we would purposefully befriend individuals from all groups usually by just complimenting them and inviting them to hang out with us. It resulted in more and more doing it to the point we were all just friends with each other. It's amazing what a few kind words and applicable compliments can do for a person's self esteem.

@peterlawrence6815

7 ай бұрын

Christian had the same experience at school . Fantastic

@mommadness91

4 ай бұрын

You weren't class of 09 were you? Lol

@christian11111

4 ай бұрын

@@mommadness91 haha who could this be? You have to have been in my class.to have guessed class of 09. Can I guess? I'll just need a clue lol

@mommadness91

4 ай бұрын

@christian11111 no way you actually went to the same school as me but hey, I guessed right?! Is that what you're telling me?! Lol cause honestly my class was like that too. Not until about sophomore year tho, but it's like we all showed up one day looked around and went, this childish drama is so stupid, why can't we all just get along? So we did 🤗 Name your state and I'll say yes or no 😎

@christian11111

4 ай бұрын

@@mommadness91 right yeah it was definitely from like sophomore year and on lol this is so funny. Went to school in CS in MD, right?

I remember a management training with lots of "bosses". The trainer asked them if they complimented employees in their business. Most did. And then the trainer asked if they received any compliments from their employees. Most didn't. Sometimes the boss also likes to hear a compliment.

@flymoolahman2763

7 ай бұрын

gotta have big dawg energy to do that

@mybrainhurts3727

6 ай бұрын

In my experience, only female bosses appreciate compliments, and if you're a male, and you don't compliment them, they treat you like trash. Generally, in my experience, female bosses love the asskissers, and those are almost always other women who treat their boss like their buddy, ignorant of how their boss treats people, mostly men, who don't kiss up.

@jmass4207

6 ай бұрын

Peterson refers to more nuanced status hierarchies than explicit ones like in the workplace. If clearly someone puts a ton of effort into their appearance and has a ton of smart outfits, a person who dresses sloppily cannot give a meaningful compliment. If the boss of the company is getting fit, the jacked bro employee can give a compliment, but the obese one less so. If the new hire fresh out of college starts complimenting their management style… go figure.

@GoldenSun27

6 ай бұрын

They probably lied and didn't compliment their employees.

I complimented a young mother yesterday, she had a 3 week old baby and i could see that " help" look in her demeanour. She said she was needing that compliment, she was genuinely happy.

Saying it’s presumptuous to compliment people is a wild take. We are all humans, equal. And if I see a moment of brightness I am going to shine even more light by affirming it 🤷‍♀️

You should not be afraid to both compliment and criticize people with higher social status. And they should listen more than they generally do.

@Ivan-iw1il

10 ай бұрын

Criticism from below?that's a bit strange and perhaps somewhat arrogant considering that they're above you.Rather listen more than u speak I'd say.

@bankfokus2600

10 ай бұрын

What someone says not who says what is what matters to me, at least that's my motto.@@Ivan-iw1il

@montoya-400

10 ай бұрын

​@@Ivan-iw1ilin an era of bullshit jobs where we're made to waste our lives and do nonsense to justify getting numbers, I doubt it.

@8Platinum8

9 ай бұрын

its not fear its just a desire to maintain a fing pay check

@8Platinum8

9 ай бұрын

@@Ivan-iw1ilmakes no sense being more knowledgable about how things work at a job is not the same as having a high status as a person.

I will literally look at a stranger in public and be like "woah. You're pretty!" haha idk.. it's just my personality. It's reeeally rare that people don't appreciate it, I've found. But maybe it's because it's genuine. I truly believe it when I say it.

@armyaj

Жыл бұрын

I used to do that until I was blacked out one time and complimented them on their hair and I found out later they thought I was weird. I didn't do any funny business and I was like bruh what you think I'm creepy for slurring a bit and complimenting you and then leaving you alone???

@SWNelson7

9 ай бұрын

@@armyajhahahahaa

I believe in complimenting others because we need to make this world a better place. I compliment people all the time. I feel that what you put out in the world comes back to you & I am all about positive vibes and lifting people up. You never know what someone is going through, and you may help brighten their day. Just the other day, I complemented another woman on her outfit & handbag, and as she was leaving, she came back over to me to say "thank you" and told me she is going through a hard time. I almost broke down in tears and I said "so am I." I told her I was glad I could lift her spirits. So, be kind to others. There is enough hate in the world. A little kindness goes a long way. ❤

You compliment people who are deserving of a compliment- it doesn’t matter what status they are

I am middle to upper middle class. I noticed how I would be treated by people of a lower economic situation. Mainly because I treated them well. I never had issues other people did because I truly don't see myself any different than them. Women if you are remotely good looking you must treat everyone around you with kindness, grace, and mercy. It will bring out the best in them and they will remember you.

@Blablabla44475

5 ай бұрын

I already don’t like you because you had to mention you’re “upper middle class”. I’ve been nice to lots of people who end up just being jealous because you’re skinnier or they think you’re better looking than them. Sometimes people just hate you because of how you look or how confidently you carry yourself, just because they hate themselves. Men, not so much, but women generally don’t like me no matter how “nice” I am to them. Only insecure women though, I have no issues with women who are comfortable in their own skin.

Sometimes it's hard to take a compliment seriously if it is often given out by the same individual. Becomes diluted, so the standards seem low. The greatest compliment I ever got, one that really stuck with me, was from a professor everyone knew was hard to please, because I knew for sure it was genuine.

I’m starting to try and ask people about their lives then try to actually hear them. It makes people happy to have people interested in their lives and I’m learning new things about the people in my life.

I always compliment my female bosses on their dresses because they dress really nicely and professionally. They're usually pretty nice in return. They say, "Thank you, how are you today?" Or they will compliment me on something. I don't think they think I'm trying to "kiss up" to them. When I had male bosses, I would definitely have to be more careful with the compliments, especially if they were married. I didn't want them to get the wrong idea.

I complemented a colleague of mine on how he dealt with a patient. He was a superior and ex supervisor so we knew each other quite well and were on good terms. I could tell he appreciated it. He even repayed me with compliments a few months later and escalated it to the bosses. If a compliment is truly genuine that's always a good start. Of course it's highly nuanced. Social interaction is complex!

@worldfun0909

Жыл бұрын

I have a similar situation happened to me as well as I also work in healthcare. 👍

@GeoX242

Жыл бұрын

But that situation isnt really what he's talking about in this clip. You already knew that person well and were on good terms with them. I believe in certain situations what Peterson is saying is needed. For example if I just started working at a bank and I looked at what my seniors were doing and went "Good job" it illicits a certain type of weird feeling. I suppose, you kind of just have to use your intuition on these things.

@user-zr6pl6nb6z

Жыл бұрын

You mean "repaid"?

@kh-wg9bt

Жыл бұрын

@@user-zr6pl6nb6z so you just go round youtube comments looking for spelling errors? You found one! Good for you lil buddy!

@user-zr6pl6nb6z

Жыл бұрын

@@kh-wg9bt No, I happened to spot your stupidity and call you out on it. Got any more banal phrases to come at me with in a failed attempt to sound witty?

If you like corvettes a lot, and you compliment a rich dudes corvette in a knowledgable way, dude will likely just act like a corvette fan with you. Appreciation is key.

@lulumoon6942

Жыл бұрын

Authenticity recognizes the same.

@FebbieG

Жыл бұрын

Complimenting someone's car is not the same as complimenting the person himself.

@kdphotos4691

Жыл бұрын

Unless you're a woman, then you risk facing the wall of sexism where men teach each other that women want them for their cars. I used to work on cars and it was always refreshing when men did not have that small-minded attitude that as a woman, my interest in the car had anything to do with him personally.

@Autochthonous_Anarchist

Жыл бұрын

Accentuate assets and they proliferate!

@AlastorTheNPDemon

Жыл бұрын

Yup, can confirm. Works with Porsche drivers too if you can catch them out of their cars.

I don't understand this conversation, I complement anybody, anytime, anywhere that I like. What they wear, their skin, their smile, their singing voice, their focus, their handwriting, their outfit, their accent. Literally anything. I'm an encourager. I encourage. Just because.

Genuine compliments are strongly encouraged. They make such a difference. However, complimenting someone because you think they need it, is wrong! It can do much damage.

After experiencing toxic work environment in the past, I was done with all that negativity. I am an introvert so I could like a person but barely speak to them or even make eye contact. I made an effort in my new job to foster positive interactions with senior & junior colleagues. Appreciating them openly without pandering and found the response so great. I even confront negative behaviours in peers & juniors tactfully now and get better results than expected. 👍👍

The best way to compliment your boss is telling him his baldness surprisingly gives him a new shine

@jansenmoyo7341

10 ай бұрын

Underrated. 😂😂😂

@michellebuckdesigns

9 ай бұрын

It’s even better if your boss is a woman.

And the power of a proper, "Thank you" does wonders too. I've made conscious steps to thank anyone for any help they provide me at work, I'm a cook. And I throw in 'I appreciate that' for tough tasks. It has spread a wonderful atmosphere of cooperation among us that makes the job easier.

I had a principal at a school I worked at that was a joy. I was able to compliment him and put a smile on his face!

I use this rule at work. I always compliment a job well done. I am on the same level as my coworkers. I see them light up and are almost shocked that they got recognized. A great team should all feel good, not just one or two.

I always think we should treat others as we should want to be treated, authority doesn’t count. People are people.

@rayjay1543

Жыл бұрын

Yeah and if they don't take it well, that's on them. Sure you could compliment someone waaaay higher up than you and they could take it poorly. You could also compliment someone waaaaay lower than you and they could take it poorly. All in all I am not complimenting in order to control people's actions! 😮 So it doesn't matter status, I'm just trying to share attention, kindness, and appreciation. So what of status, reaction, etc. It's nothing to me or the situation. Seems Jordan is talking about some completely other type of complimenting. The type to get people to do something. A control type. I'd never really heard of this and it sounds so strange, and very manipulative. Always thought you just compliment as it comes up.

@MrTchupam

Жыл бұрын

Yup

Jordan is absolutely correct. Too many complements become meaningless in a short while. I often watched this happen with students when well-meaning, but naive colleagues started spreading complements for actions and behaviour that should be expected. In no time at all those students began ignoring the complements and returned to their old ways.

I'll shower everyone with compliments because no one is above me.

This is how I get the kids to learn from each other and they often keep each other in check too. One of the most rewarding things is to hear my older kids tell my younger “I love the way you did that,” or “thank you so much for helping me”, or “you did such a good job!” But yeah, complimenting a kid for a job well done, the others learn from that and do that, then they do it for each other and grandparents and friends. It’s awesome.

@falleneldor

Жыл бұрын

Oh man, is that what a fuctional family does? Well my heart broke a little more today. I'm 40 and grew up in what i call a "sitcom family". it was always constant bickering, who could "win an argument" with one liners and put down humor. More shouting, put downs and board game cheating, then wholesome nurturing moments...There are worse family dynamics to be sure and i love mine dearly, but gosh it hurts to hear stories of siblings that actally say nice things to each other! I've taken to saying nice things to them from time to time when we chat, rare as that is these days over the last ten years and they are almost always at a loss for words or just reply instictually with a sarcastic putdown. Growing up, ten+ years the youngest of four being an adult can be isolating becaue my siblings can't really talk long without somebody having to play to an imaginary laugh track. Anyways, its nice to know that fuctional families are a real thing.

@wallacejames909

Жыл бұрын

Hey Gorgeous, How are you doing? Anyway there was no way i could just flip pass your page when i saw how astonishing beautiful you look, I must say Your beauty beats the imagination of almost all men in their fantasy world lol ☺I really would love to meet you and know the personality behind that great looks and see what happens from there. you never can tell what life have in stock for both of us

Man, the confusion and misunderstanding of what he means by, “you have to be careful complimenting someone much higher in status than you” is exactly why this clip needs to exist. He didn’t say you shouldn’t ever. He said you “have to be careful”. Sadly, too many adults have no clue how to navigate social situations effectively and with any degree of mastery.

@mariesmith5670

Жыл бұрын

And yet, the confusion is not resolved, which is why this clip needs more info to be useful…if it can be.

@christelwilk6166

Жыл бұрын

kuhmpashun You made a perfect comment. This aspect needed to be pointed out again.

@enterpassword3313

Жыл бұрын

Nah hes just letting everyone know he has a huge ego and he thinks of people in terms of heirachy, its nothing profound, and nothing you shouldnt already know about him if you have heard enough of his ideas

@mrquick6775

Жыл бұрын

@@enterpassword3313 💥 nail 🔨 🎯

@frog5424

Жыл бұрын

@@enterpassword3313 That is literally what the world is, I know you know

Complement is a way of appreciation and appreciation is so important!

I love giving compliments and watching people's face light up. And everybody has something about them that can be complimented.

Oh my! I had remember when hanging around wealthy friend how arrogantly prideful we were to those considered ordinaryly average when complimented. To think being misunderstood concerning boundaries of imagined superiority with a group was my fault in embracing the masses but ostracizing them to a contemptible mindset. I have grown up with a God who rewards me in humility (thinking myself as nothing more and nothing less but just as I am) .

A compliment is always appreciated, as long as it is genuine and sincere. Hierarchy does not matter since a compliment is not based on hierarchy, but it is based on humans and their behavior. In particular leaders rarely experience appreciation for their achievements or their personality, they usually only get attention when they make mistakes.

@ajl2232

Жыл бұрын

Compliment or not, to me they are a the same. I've never felt different by getting a compliment.

@stuflikethis

Жыл бұрын

Depends. Some people much higher than you get offended with compliments because it means you assume they care what you think. And if you think they care what you think then that means you think you’re closer in the heirarchy to each other than they do.

You have to be careful complimenting people because some are narcissists and believe they’re better than they really are. They actually believe that your compliment is you acknowledging that they’re better than you.

Never be afraid to give a sincere compliment. It’s always ok, as long as you mean it and don’t have any agenda or expectations.

I have often complemented people who were higher in authority, and it always came out in genuine and spontaneous, and I never apologized, and it was never taken as me stepping out of line. One older woman told me it was inappropriate when I was younger because people might think I am assuming I’m better than they are but no one else ever had a problem with it. Professors and supervisors always took the compliments humbly.

I DISAGREE. ALWAYS compliment people with SINCERITY from the HEART. A STATUS LEVEL is the problem with the WORLD'S MISFORTUNES that people have endured.

@lilystarr226

Жыл бұрын

💯

@iamstillthinking

Жыл бұрын

Facts, status is illusory.

@Hugh-Jorgan

Жыл бұрын

Hahahhahaha. Fools.

@IridescentW

Жыл бұрын

​@@Hugh-Jorgan Your comment is a great example of how a lack of empathy and compassion are the other 2 biggest issues in the world.

@jessesleight9631

Жыл бұрын

I know it, it's old fashioned to be that intimidated in professionalism by people in a higher hierarchy. I think complimenting them is way more warranted than he is letting on, and social hierarchy is a little a matter of rights and a sense of self worth. And, it is also condescending somewhat to be super eager to compliment people "lower" than you.

I’ve applied exactly this repeatedly in multiple contexts and the result has been consistently as you say.

I think you can absolutely compliment people above you in a hierarchy. For example at a work place, you can thank a manager for making some part of the job easier or something like that.

Here in Britain we do things in reverse, you compliment your higher ups, but you rip on your closest friends and family, because you trust they know you're joking and visa versa

@VicodinElmo

Жыл бұрын

So true

@gadriver

Жыл бұрын

You have to compliment people above you, so you can compliment french people all day long 😁

@jakebeckmann9372

Жыл бұрын

That's just general banter. This isn't the same.

I can compliment anyone whom I feel deserves it, there is nobody who is truly above me, just ones who are delusional and think they are.

@TheOneTrueNoName

8 ай бұрын

I feel the same, if it isn't God or an Angel, then you're in the same realm as me

@zach1714

6 ай бұрын

​@@TheOneTrueNoNameyou've just handed me a whole different perspective for life, thanks

nothing is less presumptuous than complimenting someone obviously better than you at something

I now try to be specific about compliments "You are so patient. I appreciate that." For my cashier, who waited for me to count out change instead of grabbing it from my hand. I use appreciate because I was going into rote mode with thank you. I had one 'old school boss'. Not too many workers liked her. I don't like to brown nose, but when she retired i fixed a styrofoam cooler for her with a pretty teapot, flavored teas, cookies, candy-all of it quality (expensive) goods. She took the cooler (tacky cheap bow on top) without much expression. When she opened it and saw the gifts her face just glowed! Decades later, the memory of her face, so happy, still makes me ponder who really recieved the greater gift.

You don't have to be careful when you complement people if you're being sincere.

@rayjay1543

Жыл бұрын

Exactly, and I never compliment people to get them to do or keep doing something, like this video clip says. I compliment and thank them whenever I can (sincerely) for anything I can see to, in general.

@jnl3564

Жыл бұрын

@@rayjay1543 Yeah it's more about expressing a feeling (gratitide, admiration) and the other person can take it however they like.

@worlore1651

Жыл бұрын

Meh, tell that to the people who compliment their kings or rulers.

@sunsetter715

Жыл бұрын

You didnt understand what he said at the end.

@ryanterry7819

Жыл бұрын

Think of a complement as permission to behaviours like if you have a person bring you bake Beans and you hate bake Beans but feel like you need to compliment them because they tried by saying oh thanks they look lovely, in future they'll just keep bringing you beans when you visit, if you politely say I'm not a fan of beans but thanks for getting me something to eat but I'll have to pass, they'll try harder with different food or ask what you want next time, if they are poor Ur better off being alil rude because if Ur rude they'll not get you anything again like that again, another example if you say to Ur crappy cleaner they did a good job when they didn't they won't do any better, ect ect ect

That's actually a great lesson of respect and success seeking

@Bookooky

Жыл бұрын

No, it’s a weak insecure man trying to manipulate people to behave how he wants

Sincere compliments are magical.

Mistrust in society has created suspense around compliments because it could be a guard lowering tactic before further manipulation. A genuine and sincere compliment has the power of Enrich progress and appreciation within it.

Peterson hits it so many times. I Swore I thought he was a cult in and amongst himself. He really is genuine and truthful. This man is the real deal. Anyone loves a compliment. It boosts your confidence.

I think this aligns with Robert Green's "never out-shine the master". But this is such an interesting perspective. I didn't know that compliments/critiques were a place of privilege or reflects a status of superiority or seniority etc. It makes perfect sense, but it's complex... I really don't want to be unconsciously condescending toward those I sincerely admire, or to be an unwitting doormat to those who genuinely feel entitled to unmerited authority / usurpation. Thank you! 🇨🇦🙏

@chickenlover657

Жыл бұрын

You cannot compliment a Master. You can show appreciation and gratitude tho. Different things.

@millie.k

Жыл бұрын

​@@chickenlover657 For sure. Effective critique (compliments and criticisms on one's progress) requires acknowledgement of one's status in a professional relationship, but genuine gratitude is personal and beneficial regardless of status.

@jessesleight9631

Жыл бұрын

I disagree with Jordan a lot here though. Dont be intimidated by people in a "higher hierarchy."

@chickenlover657

Жыл бұрын

@@jessesleight9631 It's not about intimidation. That's totally NOT what he's talking about, or suggesting, or encouraging. But if it were, then that would be on you.

@summersun6536

Жыл бұрын

I did not read Robert Green's book, but I have seen several interviews where he talks about this. I think this advice applies (applied) to a certain type of people and a certain type of organization. It may have been valid back in the day when he wrote that book, and it sure still applies to structures that still work based on these - in my opinion - old-fashioned rules. These old rules focus on the competition: If someone outshines you, he might be the one you get fired for to replace you. For sure you have no interest in that as a leader, as well you have no interest in letting your leader notice it if you indeed have an eye on their job. This kind of leadership style is fear-based, it creates high fluctuation and burnt out people. I am a leader and prefer focusing on cooperation and common growth. In fact, I am happy when somebody "outshines" me. That means I have done a good job as a leader, and created a space of trust, creativity, and personal growth - which are some of the most crucial factors for a company's success in my opinion. But it takes more personal effort for the leading person than leading by dominating, since you have to grow yourself constantly, too. Otherwise, you lose your credibility and the spark of inspiration will fade that your team needs to see in you.

You can definitely compliment someone above you. Like for a boss youd day, “I really admire how you (insert action or behavior). I appreciate the example you set for us”

The only genuin compliment that you can give someone above is to show them where you are because you have them as a rolemodel

Compliment people, everyone. If there was more genuine kindness in the world, we would have less assholes amongst us.

@rayjay1543

Жыл бұрын

Thank you and complimenting in order to control people is so disingenuous! I thought Jordan hated "disingenuous" things! I am feeling a lot less appreciation for him at the moment. Whatever this clip is, probably should not have been made into a short. It needs more context because it seems like he's saying, "be careful when trying to manipulate higher-ups to do your bidding by using compliments, but anyone else compliment away and they'll keep doing what you want." That sounds really awful, and certainly not what compliments are for!

@billybobthornton8122

11 ай бұрын

Totally misunderstanding what he’s talking about.

@biggerissues6085

11 ай бұрын

That there are assholes in the world is absolutely ZERO to do with whether or not we compliment people. Are you saying people are assholes because they didn't receive compliments? Also, I'd rather receive a compliment because I genuinely deserve it, than be patted on the back like a child with a 'woke' parent, being told that even though I came in last place, I still won. This advice to just compliment people doesn't really make any sense.

@padarousou

11 ай бұрын

When they deserve it, then it doesn't matter what position they hold. Praiseworthy actions are worthy of praise regardless

He is right. You don't compliment people higher in status than you because they don't see it as a compliment. You ask for their advice, that's how you show appreciation to them.

@BubbleOfJelly

Жыл бұрын

Why don’t they see it as a compliment? Does it seem like you’re trying tobkiss up to them or something?? I’m trying to figure out why you shouldn’t.

@FebbieG

Жыл бұрын

​​@@BubbleOfJelly I'm guessing imposter syndrome might play a role. Another thing to consider is knowledge level. It's not very flattering when someone who doesn't know what they're talking about gives their positive, and uninformed, opinion. And yes, it can easily feel like brown-nosing when an underlying compliments someone inappropriately.

@DNYLNY

Жыл бұрын

Idk. When I visit friends that are above me and I say you have a beautiful home, none of them are offended. In fact, quite the opposite. Same goes for when ppl visit me that are lower.

@Gyatttt1443

Жыл бұрын

​@@BubbleOfJellyin my experience, they see this as fake and sometimes they think that the one who gave the compliments wants something from him.

@agoatwithnonamd

Жыл бұрын

I think what he means by it being presumptious to compliment someone "above" you is that they will often times not take this as a compliment. Imagine an expert at his craft with 30 years of experience being complimented by someone whos not a complete lament, but new. Say a really fresh doctor complimenting a 30y experience one on how he found the right treatment for the patient. By saying "I really liked how you did that", he evaluated the experienced doctors behaviour. Even if the result was that the experienced doctor did well, he did evaluate it and this alone might be seen as presumptious, because "Who are you to evaluate my behaviour? Youre a student, not the teacher". Basically, by complimenting, you evaluate someones behaviour as good, meaning that you claim to have enough expertise to be able to do so, in a way putting yourself on a similar level than the person complimented.

Getting a compliment from someone above you in hierarchy, like a manager or your boss, is the most awkward, unwanted situation ever. The only compliments I would ever appreciate are from my equals, peers, people who know how hard the things I do are, Compliments from friends and loved ones are nice, but they're more like, we love you, and its good to see that you're doing well. Compliments from people starting the path I have walked, or similar is usually like seeing someone wonder how you got to where you are. Not really a bad thing, but its just absorbed differently.

I'm Nigerian the first day I complimented my computer teacher "sir you look great" He replied "are you high??"😂😂 Neva tried dat again😅💔

People above you - you should compliment them on something that made you able to do your work better. Because they want to know that the changes they made helped the organization and the staff who implement the change.

It never occurred to me that getting a lot of compliments means I must be in a low status . Way to take the wind out of my sails. Lol

@lizdi2813

Жыл бұрын

@Samm Salvey JBP said that compliments indicate where a person is in the hierarchy. Compliments are generally given *down* from one’s place, not up.

@booksquid856

Жыл бұрын

Lol!!!!!!

@lizdi2813

Жыл бұрын

@Samm Salvey that might be true for people who don’t understand this principle, but they end up coming off as annoying. Assuming your boss doesn’t need your encouragement is usually the best way to go, unless they ask or you’re on unusually familiar terms. That requires a bit more nuance than most people possess.

@debmcmurrin5901

Жыл бұрын

Actually, I don’t feel inferior or better than. When I am kind others are too.

@lizdi2813

Жыл бұрын

@@debmcmurrin5901 I don’t think this applies to general kindness, which is always the best way to be, of course. Here he’s talking about compliments with a specific vibe.

I think compliments bridge status perception. I appreciate compliments from folks both similar and entirely different from me

Dr.Peterson I love your messages very much,they bless me,but here I have to say that we have to be ourselves always.The most important thing in a compliment is not the status is the sincerity,the honesty from our hearts❤️🙏