I always thought I was a horrible person for hating holidays. People always look at me like I'm terrible when I tell them we don't do Easter or Halloween with the kids. My entire house, myself included, forgot mothers day. Which, unless it included a nap, I don't care.

My husband and I are both autistic, and we both really dislike holidays as well. You're so right about them being performative and commercialized. The expectations, pressure, social aspect, gift giving...it's all too much. Coupled with the guilt of disappointing family members when you don't meet those expectations or when you outright say, "We're not celebrating this holiday." For me, holidays have to mean something spiritually or personally to me for it to feel like anything more than a day where my routine is messed with. And the majority of the US holidays mean absolutely nothing to me...and since I know the actual history of those holidays, it's even harder to player along with what I feel is a grotesque charade of capitalism. I have to use ALL of my spoons (and even have to pull out dirty ones from the dishwasher...lol at that metaphor...hopefully it landed), and I have to spend a week or more recovering. I do it because I don't want to disappoint anyone, but my husband I both have decided that this year, we are choosing to honor ourselves and our own needs (something we are still actively trying to get better at), and staying home for holidays. I'm looking forward to seeing if there are any traditions we can start for ourselves so that we may even start to like holidays...our version of them, at least. Now that I'm deep in my unmasking journey, it feels like I've lost the capacity to mask in social situations. Being around family is difficult because it's this weird experience where all of these people have "known" me my whole life, but they really don't know me at all. And it's super hard to go back into those spaces with these people who "love" me, but don't even know me. And we aren't active members of each other's lives aside from these holidays and the occasional get together. I still mask around them like I always have, but it hurts worse now because I'm aware of it. Sorry for the word vomit. This is just the first time I've heard someone outside of me and my husband talk about this very issue. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences!

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I love long comments so no worries. And so many of us are learning from each other in there comments. I really like the idea of finding accomodation friendly traditions. ❤️

@tracik1277

Жыл бұрын

Agree with all of the above (except I’m in U.K.) Sorry for short comment, all my spoons have been in dishwasher last few days 😅

@heathernolan902

Жыл бұрын

My goodness Amanda, every video of yours I watch, the more I relate. I was diagnosed ADHD-C last spring at 47. I really do suspect I’m on that beautiful spectrum as well. What I do toss around is whether it’s worth it to look at getting a dx, or just live my life knowing… and my goodness, finding out about the ADHD itself was like a huge weight lifted off me (and I am medicated, and it’s been amazing). Not feeling alone is the best.

@heathernolan902

Жыл бұрын

And I just realized I put this in the wrong spot 😅

@opticalexcellence-wendytob862

Жыл бұрын

Amanda, both my husband and I are on the ASD (a recently self-diagnosed and happy about it). For years we haven’t celebrated any holidays unless we wanted to. We do what works for us and haven’t taken on any backlash from the family because, honestly, if there is any, it’s been muted by themselves. It’s not our manger, not our barn, if you catch my drift here. If we do “gift” a family member, it’s on our terms and discretion-period.

Please don't feel like you need to apologize for portraying yourself authentically how you are in any particular moment. Your being honest about how you're processing things creates a social space where others can be authentically unmasked too. The more we occupy that space, the easier it is to be in touch with our authentic selves. This makes it so we can more fully understand, accept, and love ourselves and each other. What you're doing (and sometimes apologizing for) is the bedrock of creating a rich and supportive community. Thank you for showing up authentically here. What you are doing is a profound and creative social/community action.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Those "sorrys" are such a knee jerk reaction of a lifetime of feeling like I take up too much space. Definitely a work in progress. Thank you for acknowledging that there's nothing to apologize for. ❤️

@TheWannabeOutdoorsman

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind honestly as an autistic I read that person's comment as "hey, don't feel like you can't be yourself and by the way don't be yourself" 🤔🤦🤷😟🤯 What would be a more appropriate way of interpreting what they meant to indicate?

@amyjennings2343

Жыл бұрын

You explained this so well!!! Beautiful and absolutely right.

I laughed a bit when you talked about Mothers Day because I legitimately forgot about it. When my husband asked what I wanted to do, I think I confused him because all I wanted was to bum around the house in stretchy pants, work on some craft projects and play video games while hanging out with the boys. Just wasn’t feeling it this time.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

That all sounds so lovely. 😊

@isabellalucia7820

11 ай бұрын

Sounds like the perfect Mother’s Day, hanging quietly with family.

I recently explained to a (supportive) family member that when I receive a gift, I have to ACT as if I like it-even if I genuinely love it! They told me that this came as a revelation, and made my dislike of holidays finally "click" for them.

The pressure I feel with holidays, occasions and gift giving is very difficult for me, and I'm glad you made this video and were so candid. I've actually, on more than one occasion, rationalized not having friends so that I don't have to participate in weddings, birthdays etc, because I find them so stressful and exhausting. The culture of gifts and holidays is actually what helped me to realize that I could be autistic. I felt I fit all the criteria, except when it came to masking & scripting, which was a part of the autistic experience that I didn't understand yet. But then I thought of one of my most visceral childhood memories, of when I was turning 8 years old, and my sister scolded me for saying "I already have this barbie," to a friend who had given it to me for my birthday. It distressed me that I had said the wrong thing and probably hurt my friend's feelings, and it was all I could think about for the rest of my birthday party. I asked my mom what I should have said, and she suggested a "big smile, a thank you," and "this is how I will use it." For every birthday I had or gift received from thereafter, you bet your butt that I followed that exact script and plastered a smile on my face, despite the intense discomfort and anxiety I felt inside. When I was turning 16 (well before I knew I was autistic) my sister scolded me once again, at my birthday, but this time for being too enthusiastic. That was the last year I had a birthday party 😅

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

That is so hard! I've heard so many Autistic people have strict scritps for gifts. I really do appreicate gifts but the social expectation on how to react is hard. I've also come across a lot of Autistic people that want to give up on friendships because it is so hard to navigate and a lot of us I think just need less social time. I am an extrovert, I love connecting with people (which is a main reason for vlogging) but at the same time it can completely overwhelm me too.

@tracik1277

Жыл бұрын

I refused a gift of a lambs wool sweater once because it was hideous (!!!) but what I said was, “I am sorry I’m allergic to lambs wool,”which was/is true. The thing was, on both accounts, there was no way I could wear it and all these worries flooded my brain about them never seeing me wear it and asking me if I liked it and why they never saw me wear it. I do not regret it. It looked expensive and it would have ended up in the charity shop, at least if I gave it back they could get their money back, right?

@LoveCrumb

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind Absolutely. I think it's one of the nicest feelings to be thought of by someone, and so my current no-gift policy does make me pine a little bit for the nicer side of gift-giving. I'm always so in awe of autistic, disabled youtubers because I know first hand how daily life is already just /so/ much to cope with and navigate (let alone being a parent!), and I can imagine that keeping up with a growing channel and so many comments could be very overwhelming! I've always supposed that you and the others I watch on youtube have found a way to apply good boundaries with their online presence, so as to combat that overwhelm and give yourself space to process?

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

It's an ongoing process. I started by responding to all comments because I only got a couple a day and it means a lot to me to be engaged in the comment section. But honestly I often don't see all the comments, sometimes one will pop up that is weeks old! As my channel grows I am getting more and more comments and I can't answer them all. I'm going to put trust in the community to help answer each other's comments and questions too. Plus I'm only one voice, I'm here to start a conversation, not dominate it. This morning I spent a solid hour answering comments and then on and off throughout the day. Eventually I'll have to come up with some other boundaries, but I'm figuring it out as I go. I'm beyond excited that people are finding my content helpful. ❤️

I’m not autistic (as far as I know) but I so relate to your commentary regarding receiving gifts! I genuinely enjoy receiving gifts from people I love, but if I start thinking about it too much, I start to worry that I won’t have a “big enough” or “good enough” reaction when I open their gift, and then this opens up an entire minor anxiety spiral for me. Suddenly it shifts from excitement about the prospect of their gift to feeling like my authenticity is being erased because I am too preoccupied with “performing” the part right- I get so caught up in wanting to make them happy that I become totally disconnected from my own authentic response to their gift. It sucks too because even if I try to disengage from the “is my reaction good enough?” thoughts, I still feel like in that moment I’ve totally lost touch with my intuition, so I still have to “fake” my reaction to a degree. It’s almost as if the moment I imagine what someone else wants from me, my own voice completely disappears from my head- it becomes so that there is only enough space for their voice, and my own wants and inclinations become entirely squelched in the anxiety-riddled adrenaline which accompanies the realization that someone is expecting me to behave in a certain manner. Anyways, I guess I wrote a lot, but this truly does resonate with my own experiences so much.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Hugs. I left comments like this on a few Autistic spaces as I kept relating more and more to the Autistic experience, then I sought out a diagnosis. You can have autistic traits and not meet diagnostic criteria, but it goes to show we all can find things to be relatable too.

@Amber24426

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind Thank you for the kind words :)

My son told me it was Mother's Day a day ahead to give me a "heads up". Which I appreciated. We don't do gifts other than the everyday type of I got you a banana or something. Not some weird present. My mom is different. So... I sent my Mother a text, and she now wants a card?? I'm trying but what is the point of these type of holidays?

I feel the same. Nobody understands my perspective which can cause tension at times. Sad thing is, it's not a one time event but repeats every year. Circle of shame, especially with birthdays. Everybody has one - coming with expectiations.

We’ve eased Mother’s and Father’s Days out a great deal since our kids are all 16 and up. We did the gift thing when they were little to teach them that the social gesture is a thing some folks expect. But I’ve decided this year to do an activity with each of them. I watched movies with the youngest and I’m going somewhere with the older two next week. I feel like these holidays are usually too much pressure on all of us and if you don’t show your affections throughout the year, one day won’t fix it.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I hope to find ways to enjoy the community aspect of holidays while also honoring my own sensory and social needs, but it's going to take some time to navigate it. Sounds like you've found some good balance! /pos

Thank you so much. By showing and talking about the behaviors that you were trained to mask, you're really helping create a conversation and an awareness of how much conforming to societal expectations can effect communication and processing, and how little tolerance there is for divergent ways of interacting. The way you apologize reminds me of a conversation I had with my housemate about how English doesn't have enough words for the types of apologies we make. We really need a word for "I recognize that I am not doing the societally expected thing because I am not able to, please recognize that I'm doing my best."

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I love that thought about we need more ways to say Sorry. I almost edited it out, but then I realized it is important because society trained me to be apolgetic for taking too long, too much space and it's part of the process to shed that reaction.

This is SUCH an important video. Your perspective, especially focusing on masking and social performance needs to be expressed and (hopefully) heard. I've always been appreciative that my family didn't make much of a big deal out of holidays for various reasons. I definitely have been experiencing the disarmed family as I unmask...at the age of 56...heh...Thank you for your vulnerability.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Now I know why I always felt so depleted after family holidays together. I do enjoy being with my family, but I was always masked (because I was undiagnosed and clueless) but I'd go home and just be by myself for hours recooperating.

Another amazing eye opening video! I had no idea my aversion to holidays and other celebratory events came from there. And I pride myself on being really self reflective and analytical, so I'm kind of envious of how well you identify certain traits and link them back to autism. 'Performative' is my new favorite word to keep in mind. Seeing you so openly struggle with these things really helps me/us because i/we recognize these things in ourselves. Thank you so much for that and I wish you a speedy recovery./gn

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

So many Allistic people want to seperate us from our "autism" but it literally impacts everything and they don't get that. And I'm unpacking my expereince as growing up through the filter of a Neurotypical and learning to shake off what doesn't fit.

@MarcoVos

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind I've know I was different for just about all my life, but I didn't have a name for it, for me, what allistic people did just made no logical sense and I had a hard time accepting anything that was illogical to me. which usually lead to long fruitless discussions and irritation that I couldn't shake on my part. I'm only just on my journey of discovery and I'm finding a lot of answers to previously unexplained dislikes of mine here.

Holidays suck. I especially dislike the ones that are focused on me, like Mother's Day and birthdays. When my kids were young I did all the things, decorations, gifts, fancy gift wrapping, baking and huge meals for all the relatives. I really thought I enjoyed it, but I was always very angry and near tears thru them all. I now realize that if you're giddy about something being over maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Luckily, now I have a no-gifts agreement with all of my family and friends except my son and his family (only 3 people). And we have a lot of take-out for holiday meals.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I've tried to do a no-gift thing with some of my relatives, it didn't go over well. I think I could enjoy holidays more if I set more parameters. I've been working on it, like for several years now I said I wasn't cooking on Christmas day. That's been nice, we just make a huge charcuterie board and snack a lot.

@tracik1277

Жыл бұрын

I want to tell people the best gift you can give me is to not have to do gift giving at all 😅

I had a major meltdown on our Fourth of July. Our family always gets together for it. We go to the beach every year. So we are out of town (huge change-and me trying to get into a new routine with traveling), and my dad proceeds to invite all of these people over to the house (day after day) and doesn’t say anything to me about it (he doesn’t know about the diagnosis process I’m going through). All of these people just show up at our house, and then they would leave and more people would show up. This went on for about two days and I loose it with everyone. I shutdown and just get up and walk out of the room without saying a word-our neighbor had just left and a new group of people are pulling up to the house. I stayed in my room all night and the next morning when my mom came in, she said she was not happy with me for walking upstairs and not saying hello to these people. She loves me so much, has done everything for me and would do anything for me, but even she (especially when she gets upset or we start arguing), does not understand what is going on with me (even though she tries so hard to). We were arguing about why I walked out. I told her I was so overstimulated and exhausted from trying to talking to these people, put on a show, and act like everything is “fine” (my way of explaining masking to her), so I shutdown (stopped talking) and (consciously and with great effort) took the opportunity between people leaving to walk upstairs. So anyways she’s telling me how “not happy” she was with me for this (making me feel like I’m in 5th grade again) and in her anger, she blurted out “I think you use it an an excuse”. It hurt really bad. It almost felt like she told me I was making it up. Holidays are extremely tough for me and have been- especially as I got older (now in my late 20s). I think mostly because I’m trying so hard to take this mask off. I can do it around her somewhat, but every time I’m around people, by the end I’m exhausted from playing this character-so to speak. Can others relate? I appreciate your videos and your explanations. They really help me put words to the way I feel when I don’t know how to describe it or don’t know what I’m feeling. Sometimes when you start talking, I feel like you could almost be speaking for me. Thank you for everything ❤❤❤

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

That does sound absolutely exhausting. I hope with time you can talk to your family about Autism and find ways to accommodate. It took me two days to decompress after fourth of July and we didn't even go anywhere. My neighborhood just goes crazy with fireworks.

I was just thinking about this very thing today… holidays were my biggest masking days. As I got older the less I masked and the less time I spent with certain family members who honestly never really knew the real me until I unmasked.

Totally relate to the discomfort of gifting (both giving & receiving). I'd prefer to just give something if I find something I think the other person will like/ need & not on a specific day just because society dictates. I also hate the maskin of opening gifts in front of people - it spoils any enjoyment or genuine reaction to the gift - I just feel awkward & under scrutiny the whole time. I'd prefer not to receive anything than have to perform a gratitude ritual for every crappy token people give me (usually nothing I want or need). Also every occasion is over-commercialised nowadays, so it's expensive as well as unnecessary & wasteful. That's a whole different issue, though!

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I often will see something someone in my life will love and I want to get it as a Just Because I'm Thinking of You Gift, but often I overthink it. So many layers, will they think I want somthing in return? Will they think I want something else out of them? Will it make them uncomfortable? Etc. Then when an actual BDay comes up, I don't remember the gift, or I still over think it....

@tracik1277

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind That is exactly the feeling.

@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind wouldn't it be nice if we could be spontaneous with gifts, rather than restricted by social constructs of "special" days or occasions?! I think it's the lack of authenticity I can't stand, whereas a spontaneous gift is totally authentic. I've started a gift list for myself that has different charities on for people to donate to for my birthday, if they want to - I much prefer that to receiving another "thing" I don't want or need, that will just gather dust somewhere anyway 🤣

Hey, Amanda. Keep doing what you’re doing, the way you want to do it. Your perspective is such an important one for the ND community, and we appreciate you and all you’re giving.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Mike. You all are giving back to me in return. Making a difference gives me joy.

Thanks a lot Amanda ❤ I feel for once in my life that I am not an ET ❤ I am always called a Grinch and it makes me feel I am inadequate... But these events are so much stressful and painful for me. I hate holidays, my birthday included. I would love to feel adequate choosing events that are meaningful for me and when to celebrate them. You are a great support to my unmasking journey.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I totally understand, it's like if you say you don't like a holiday everyone thinks there is something wrong with you or you're selfish, etc. I wish they'd understand how much stress goes into holidays. Especially for high masking Autistic women who put on a show that everything is "fine."

You got me crying this afternoon. I’ve been trying to be myself without masking and it’s a struggle and it’s painful to realize how much of my life I have masked or had to mask to appear normal even around my whole family. Last Christmas I had a meltdown in front of my adult kids and grandkids which has resulted in a strained if not alien relationship with them now. Let me back up a bit… I’m 59 and a year ago I came across a video with an autistic adult female (Mom on the Spectrum) talking about Female Autistic traits. 🤯 I very quickly recognized myself and realized that this was exactly who I am. I identified with 17 of the 20 traits. Fast forward and I’ve watched many different peoples late-diagnosis autism awareness channels: male, female and them. I like your videos because you just talk off the cuff showing the processing and everything. Back to the topic of unmasking and meltdown due to a long period of burnout that has gone too long for repair. I’m in dire need of retire and retrench right now in my life. This is a hard process for me but a necessary one for my own sanity/peace of mind. The fallout from last Christmas is my daughter/grandkids I never see - I do send them packages at each birthday- and my son is dutiful and we are closer and can talk. I believe he is also on the spectrum (31) and my father (80) who lives with me and my paralyzed partner who Ia am caregiver to. We are splitting up in process. All this is necessary but I have always struggled with change and back to topic with all holidays as they all require -WORK -aka a performance -that no one knows you are performing. For me, removing the mask is incredibly hard because I’ve worn one or many my whole life. The holiday mask is one of the hardest because now the kids are grown, it’s becomes a charade for the next generation and I’m ready to be off that treadmill. So this year is becoming my chrysalis to discovering who I really am. Sounds so corny but I need to stop being everything to everyone else and just be me. Thank you for listening and inspiring these thoughts. You are helping me in so many ways. 🤓

@i.am.mindblind

10 ай бұрын

I understand. ❤️❤️❤️

Hurray for Halloween It"s AMAZING!! My favorite non family gathering Holiday where we can all go crazy! ENJOY!

I relate so hard to this. Gift-giving and receiving is confusing to me. Even thinking about the Thanksgiving and Christmas season right now is making me feel agitated. Halloween also is the only holiday I really like. I also love helping my kids create their costumes, it truly brings me joy. And there are no obligations to anyone except my kids.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Yes yes and yes!

I don't want big to-dos for holidays though. Don't need gifts. I just appreciate hearing happy birthday, mothers day, etc.

gift reaction is Hard for any autistic, that's probably universal almost. you are a very authentic creator

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Thank you. ❤️

My also Autistic adult son who I live with is basically my only family member. I always know what to expect for Mother’s Day which is usually something along the lines of “Sorry mum I forgot” LOL 😂

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

It's authentic at least. 😊

I found your videos and am grateful to listen to someone talk about experiences I can relate to. I haven’t been diagnosed with autism, but I have, ever since I’ve been a kid, struggled around holidays a lot. I used to get so anxious around my birthday that I wound up creating a routine that I would follow for each one, right down to the movie I would watch and the food I would eat and that really helped me. As an adult, I still experience a lot of anxiety around my birthday and prefer to really only spend it with my partner. With other events, like his birthday or Christmas, I panic a lot and dread them coming up, even though they’re wonderful happy events. It feels so weird and counterintuitive. Gift giving causes me to panic, too. Being around family is really awkward for me. I feel sort of broken, but I know it’s gotta be something else.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I'm glad my videos are helping you feel seen. Holidays can be hard for a lot of people for many reasons and just because the majority like them, doesn't mean everyone should be pressured to join.

I have noticed that I only give practical gifts. It is going to be something someone said they needed or that I noticed they did not have and could use. Having to gift on a certain day causes me an extreme amount of anxiety. I really do not enjoy receiving gifts because it could be something that I don't need, and I may not be able to mask that. I also fear being so excited by the gift the I forget to say thank you and do all of the social thing that you are supposed to do...but I am really not even sure what they all are.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Yep. Gift giving is just so hard. 😔❤️

Another important video. As us muscians say - You're killin' it! The thing about trying to figure out when it's safe to unmask - for everyone - is crucial. I've lost several freinds during the process over the past year. They simply cant accept me as autistic. It's too much for them or maybe they weren't really the freinds I thought they were. I've learned something profound about humanity in the process: Haters mask too. Its been very challenging and painful to share something that's so good and positive and life changing with some of the people I love, only to face the sort of misunderstanding / bullying / shamining / rejection I thought my autism diagnosis explained! It's easy to fall into the trap of resentment and fear and to go back into hiding in the abyss behind the mask when my unmasking is met with hate and resentment and fear. Don't do it. Unmasking is about our survival. It's that simple. If someone has a problem with it, it is their problem - not ours. As undiagnosed autistic people we spend our entire lives trying to accomodate neurotypical people as a matter of survival. And it KILLS us. Litterally kills us. No more. I look at disclosure and unmasking as a screening tool for character. I use it to unmask haters. The way people react tells me if it's safe for me to have them in my life, and to what extent it's safe to interact with them. If we were blind or paralized or otherwise disabled and tried to hide it and the limitations it imposed, how would that work out? How well does hiding being gay or trans work? (I'm a bit of both of those BTW ;-) Would we recomend that a black person try to pass as white around a pack of racists to avoid lynching, or would we advise them to stay the hell away from local Klan rallies? So unless I'm in a situation where disclosing my autism might threaten my physical safety or that of others, I default towards disclosing and explaining how autism affects me, and what my support needs are. Then I watch carefully how the person or people react going forward. If they are the sort of people who refuse to believe me, or who shame and bully and ostracise me because I'm different, well then: They might as well be Klansmen. The type of person who'd lynch a someone just to fit in with their hate group. Trip a blind woman and laugh as she fell. Unfortunately there are a lot people like that in the world. The way to unmask THEM is to disclose my autism and see how THEY react. The plus side is this also reveals who will accept and support me for who and what I am. That's been an absolute game changer, and I'm slowly building a new circle of freinds with open minds and open hearts. It's amazing Amanda - and so are YOU! =)

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this comment, it is so helpful and I think will help other Autistic people reading it too. There's still so much for everyone to learn about accepting each other just as Humans...

@tracik1277

Жыл бұрын

I don’t have many people in my life. In terms of disclosure I have opted to pick my battles. Explaining myself to people is just so exhausting and so far hasn’t really got me very far. The people I know have been around me between 15 and 40 years; I guess changing their minds is unlikely.

@TheWilliamHoganExperience

Жыл бұрын

​@@tracik1277 I'm 58, and I feel like a teenager again I have my whole life ahead of me, but with the knowledge and wisdom I so sorely lacked as a child, adolescent, young and middle aged adult. I spent the last year (post diagnosis at 57) grieving my past and leaning into my autism. Embracing it. Loving it. Mapping it's boundries and taking it's measure. Without judgement or shame This isn't a joke. I've undergone a proufound spiritual and emotional transcendence. The old false me is dead. Gone forever. Replaced by the being it it feared and repressed because it was feared and repressed by everyone around me. So I put them on all notice. With love and compassion. That they need to aknowledge, accept, and support me and my autism. In good faith, try to understand and empathize and accomodate me as the socially blind autistic person I am. Or they can go f*ck themselves. With love Life isn't some sort of game. I'm no one's pawn. Not anymore. It's a matter of respect. Of love. Of survival So - no compromise That's one of the gifts of autism. It's one of the things that got me through the first 1/2 century long nightmare of my life. Thjat and an extreme growth mindset, curiosity, tenancity, patience, and a relentless drive for better understanding of myself and the world around me. Now everything is beautiful! I see Sansara for what it is. Illusion. Deception. Pain. And lies. Meaningless suffering. That's not the real world though! I'm in touch with something true now. Real. A universal form of conciousness I can access and share share through music. It's the most beautiful healing thing I know of ...and it's autsim that gave it to me Autism! =)

Amanda, please do all the videos you want, whenever you want to do them. You are helping me understand so much about autism. My son and his son (10) are autistic and you have no idea how much your videos mean to me. You are awesome!!!

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Thank you! I'm so uses to people not having time and space for me, that runs in the background. I want my channel to grow to reach more people, because the community I'm creating in the comments is just beautiful. Thank you for taking time to understand your son and grandson!

hello from New Zealand! here watching.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Howdy!

@Ricstation

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind howdy, howdy! same here, it took me some strength to call my mom and perform. I was really not feeling it, we can talk anytime! performing is one of my biggest struggles too.

Thanks so much for sharing! My husband and I (both autistic) have chosen to not celebrate most holidays with our kids. My parents are appalled 🤷‍♀️ We are not religious or materialistic so most just don’t matter to us. We do enjoy Halloween (my teens love Halloween Horror Nights at Universal) and a secular Christmas season (we vibe Grinch decor 💚😂). But Easter, Valentines, New Year … nope. Thanks for making us feel less alone ❤

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I celebrated New Years! Actually I think it was in 1999. I figured if there was any year to celebrate it'd be the turn of the century. (The socially accepted turn not the analytical turn of the century which would have been 2001. Haha.)

I can relate! I was always misunderstood receiving gifts because unless it’s something to do with my fixations then I’m mostly monotone, it’s not that I’m ungrateful it’s because I express emotions differently! I have to sort of perform and act super exited when I receive things, my birthday is always hard for me and I end up getting overwhelmed and crying most of the time, usually cause we go out on the town and too much stimulation will have me completely exhausted emotionally and mentally, I appreciate everything my family does for me but it just feels awkward when Im already burnt out and cannot mask, you’re not alone in this! /pos

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Really us Autistic people should be getting awards for our acting skills! Of course before my diagnosis I had no idea I was masking. That continues to blow my mind. I guess a type of dissociation was happening. Some Austic people realized they were shielded or masked before they knew they were Autistic. Thanks for sharing your experience too! /happy

Playing the algorithm is just another form of masking. The algorithm needs originality and will learn from you.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, it's such an Autistic tendency to read "the rules" of how to do something. But I've learned the rules just don't work for me in social media. Plus I'm not here for vanity views, I'm here to make a difference, advocate and create a space where people can find relatedness. So I really appreciate your support ❤️❤️❤️

I've always called many of those holidays "Social Obligation" Days. Birthdays, Valentines Day, Mothers/Fathers Day, Christmas, blablabla. It's been difficult trying to handle the expectations from family and friends on those holidays and a few years ago I just couldn't do it anymore. It's caused a lot of emotional pain to those around me.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Yep. Although I just realized today that Holidays I make up are fun. We celebrate my twins half birthday, just got fun. When they were little I said since they have to share a birthday they should get two! So now we always celebrate their half birthday (nothing big, just a special treat and maybe one small gift.) But it's a fun no - pressure holiday in our house. 😂

Performative is so the precisely perfect descriptor. Just about the only festival that makes sense to me is birthdays (so happy you made it through a whole year/ I got to hang out with you for a whole year) and new year (a clean slate full of hopeful resolutions). Worst of all is Xmas (aka the festival of rampant consumerism) - all those trivial workplace presents from people who don’t even like you and oops, I’m not a Christian- was I meant to buy you a present even though you go out of your way to make my life harder… The people I care about get random gifts if I see something I think they’d like (unless I second and third and fourth guess it out of existence) No festival needed.

@i.am.mindblind

11 ай бұрын

I second, third and fourth guess thoughtful gifts out of existence all the time. 😂

As an neurodivergent recently diagnosed adhd with a neurodiverse non diagnosed autistic husband our house is regularly a place of loud voices and "trying to figure out how we live together where we are both happy." it feels impossible at times. I process fast where every singular little detail is connected, stored by event and memorised and he thinks slow, processes one thing at a time to put everything into his labeled brain boxes or he floods. Trying to not leave my junk all over the place (cuz I breathe chaos) so he can also be comfortable at home.. I think I can explode at times. But love conquers all and we try and we are getting therapy solo and soon also together. The one thing we still try to figure out is the, "no you did, no you x100" until someone gives up/in. I see alot of his traits back in your videos. My sister (recently diagnosed autism) she on the other hand has stopped fighting and listening to anyone but herself. She flies into her (what I have dubbed "malificent on crack drama queen mode") flooded anger and frustration and you are better off going home. For me, but also in my husbands opinion, she just uses her autism as an excuse to not have to participate in the world. I will always love her, but right now I really have no ideas or thoughts anymore how to approach her (without giving twenty pieces of advise of how to do something she's struggling with) or to reconnect with her. Everything I tell her gets turned around into a "elitist motherly tone in how I need to take good care of myself." It bothers me that I am not able to find a right way to be with her anymore. If anyone has tips or advice, I would be honestly open to it ❤

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Obviously I can't say much without knowing your sister but some Autistic people, the world really is too much. Too much sensory, too many social rules to navigate, too overwhelming. It's not an excuse it's literally painful. Even if they used to be able to. Probably more so then, because the "used to be able to" do things was probably masking which is exhausting which makes it that much harder. So to connect with your sister my best advice is to radically believe her experience. Validate it with an open heart. I bet that will bring you closer than you could ever believe. So many of us have been gaslit our whole lives and it's exhausting. But to have someone just look you in the eye(metaphorically) and say, "That sounds incredibly difficult. I believe you." it'd bring me to tears.

It’s hard for me to convey my feelings about holidays and family events. Before my diagnosis, I was continuing the socially expected “good girl” behavior that was drilled into me by an undiagnosed adhd mother and undiagnosed AuDHD father. I identify on the non-binary spectrum as well as being autistic. So much of my choices as an adult we’re an internal script I cobbled together from misunderstood social constructs and masking my own experience. As I unmask more and more, I realize that masking means pretending something doesn’t bother me; and unmasking means acknowledging my current experience and asking for situationally appropriate supports. When family events or holiday functions are not accessible to me with or without support adjustments; I have to say “no, thank you.” The people who created the expectation of me are not the ones responsible for my daily wellbeing. If an activity is harmful for a child, a parent reserves the right to decline for the best interest of the child. As an autistic adult, I reserve the right to decline activities that are not in my best interest in terms of personal symptom management. I know the topic is gifts and such, but there were 3 family graduations, thanksgiving, Christmas, valentines, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and all the federal ones; plus this month is Pride. My masked self used to try to do everything I was invited to or that looked interesting because I am still desperately trying to find friendship at 45. And I suck at the nuances. So I went to things even if I had to push because I felt lonely. It wasn’t until this last burnout I’m currently in that I realized I felt lonelier when I had to push and was surrounded by people, than I do being alone but regulated.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Yes! I used to say yes to everything because I'm always looking for friends. But then I'm disregulated and lonely in a crowd. I'm feeling more at peace since my diagnosis and being selective about my outings than before.

Hello Amanda from 🇨🇦 I think your doing amazing. I learned a lot from you.

Thank you Amanda for sharing ! 💜🙏🏼

I needed this. Thank you!

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

You're welcome. 😊

I like the way you say "expectations" :) I feel totally the same about holidays.

I love Halloween too! I’m pretty much the one that makes a big deal out of it and my family loves that for sure. Other holidays, yes, I know what you mean about receiving gifts. Where would I put it? And also the obsession I sometimes will have over how happy Im suppose to be about it. Sure I’m happy and pleased about it, but it can be a lot. Having ASD and OCD and MDD, over here, yes, Holidays affect all of us differently and that is absolutely fine. Hope your recovery from your surgery went smoothly ❤️

I've never sent one B'day, Xmas or whatever card in my life. Holidays= sick days for me. I get physically ill whenever I have to attend a 'party' or a reception. Staff party: No, thank you. I don't need to see my colleagues' other (real) side when drunk. Who's masking now, huh?🤣 Oh, gifts... I DON'T like receiving gifts. It makes me very uncomfortable.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

you aren't alone...

Global Aphant, SDAM, AuDHD and late DX for all but the ADHD. I really don't have much to add! TIS why I put off watching till I woke up because I knew I would just nod, agree, and then be annoyed I don't have a keyboard to comment and agree =oD I hate gift giving and the expectations of gifting and now I am stuck with a thing forever because someone thought of a 'hobby' from 5 years ago. I hate celebrating someone because the calendar said so, or even worse because someone sends an email reminding of the holiday tomorrow. I want to celebrate the more frequent life events and achievements of the people in my life, not because someone died 2k years ago. I have also grown to like Halloween, but even with it lasting a month, my processing is too slow. OH no on the fall! I always push myself too hard when recovering. I am happy you have support around you. OH, YEAH, I find anything that calls itself helpful is mostly useless to the neuro divergent. Right now you need content and your audience isn't here for expert editing skills. I can build a KZread channel, but what I don't have and what you are providing, what your audience is coming for, is your "talent", your content. As a Talent Creator, always go your own pace; you will burn out very fast if you let others, especially an algorithm, dictate your output as a solo -- and probably still un monetized -- Creator.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I always look forward to your comments Eira. :)

Thank you for your content. I dont think you put out too much, frankly your videos I watch as soon as I get a notification..I have got feels on the holidays too, but in this moment my head is completely taken up by stress in work. As I am learning my authentic self slowly currently, I am finding it harder and harder to mask in work..its draining me so badly:(

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, I appreciate this feedback immensely! Thanks for your support. I hope you can find some balance at work. I wish there were more workplace environments that were autistic friendly.

I love holidays.😍 To me they make life more fun and I really like decorating for each one, though not a lot of stuff. I have the top of my bookshelf, front door, hot pads and kitchen towels for each holiday. I would like to get a few small things to display in my kitchen on the table and the counter. And I like to try and do a very decorative design on my thumbnail (literal - I don't have a yt channel 😂) for each holiday. I even leave some holiday decor up year round since why does it have to come down immediately? But having to do a lot of little things that have to be done by a certain time stresses me completely out. I even go into a panic over it.

I almost never appreciate gifts, usually because it's rarely something I want in the first place, but the typical song and dance irritates me. They decided to get a gift because they wanted to affect me. They decided what to get without my input. They decided to make a big deal out of it rather than simply giving it to me without fanfare. Gift giving is for the giver's benefit, and refusing to pretend they're wonderful for doing that spoils their desire to be seen as wonferful. "Ungrateful" is a funny thing when the actions are intrusive to begin with. Of course being honest with people on their conventions being negative for me always leads to more problems. They try to make me work under their pretenses rather than accepting they aren't having the effect they want and should stop.

@i.am.mindblind

10 ай бұрын

100% this.

This explains so we'll what I feel about gifts! People treat it like it's something simple and enjoyable but I always find it so stressful, especially reacting in a certain way, so I try to avoid gift exchange whenever possible.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I'm glad I'm not alone in this. ❤️

First let say me say that I think you do a wonderful job on this whole KZread thingie. I'm certain you work hard and it certainly shows. I hope you feel better. I can relate to holidays but some are pretty meaningful to me. Mother's and Father's day for example. I think it's proper to pay tribute to the divine masculine and feminine as proof of the incomparable way in which the universe has ungrudgingly lead to and fosters us still. 💛

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I know for many Autistic people there are aspects of holidays that are enjoyable. ❤️

My birthday is on Valentines Day. I really thought God was making fun of me--black humor before I even had the concept of "black humor".A really important video, Amanda. Thank you.

@i.am.mindblind

8 ай бұрын

Yeah, I could see that would have been hard!

During November and December my autism and Bipolar just team up and I always end up in a terrible episode. I HATE Christmas. So much is going on, so much in uncertain, people don't tell me what they actually want, I have to know it, because that's how I show I love them. I don't know what people want!! Also I can't afford all of those extra expenses, I hate having to coordinate things to travel, there is so much extra work st my job building up to the holiday. And when Christmas triggers you it's awful because it's EVERYWHERE and it starts earlier and earlier every year. I just want it to stop

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I so very much relate. I've never understood why people are excited to decorate for Christmas so early. My sister is Autistic and she loves Christmas decor but for me it just equals chaos.

I do what I can when I can algorithm be damned. I dont edit or keep it short. I just do me. If it comes out bad, i dont post it. This was my first good mother's day. My mother was evil. My father was dead these days can cause so much pain. I also wanted so much to be a mother. I am completely infertile. This year I started adopting a 27 year old son. We love giving by nature, but it's not easy to get right. And I hate receiving them because I don't know how to react to it, especially if I don't like or want. Too loud, not my plan, not my food. It's stressful all around. Thank you for this.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Mothers come in all forms. ❤️ I'm glad you had a good mother's day! Sorry you had a negative relationship with your mom. 😔

@CherrysJubileeJoyfully

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind I'm sorry I was tricked into forgetting 12 years and believed that she was my best friend for 40.

Thank you for your beautiful honesty and spending your time sharing this. I am not officially medically diagnosed yet (long NHS waiting lists… yawn) but I realised a year or so ago, when my Dad was recovering from a stroke, how many of our family traits indicate that we are on the autistic spectrum. I thought it was normal behaviour but it turns out that this is just how we behave - not necessarily how everyone else behaves which is probably why people think I’m weird. I looked into this subject with an obsessive amount of research* (😂) and related to so many autistic people’s experiences that I could see where I was - partly ADHD partly Autism, a lot of the autobiographical memory thing you mention (SDAM?) which I need to find more about as I severely relive past stuff a lot of the time as if I was actually there, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad. Do you have a video about that aspect please? My AuDHD made me ill because I was masking so much and trying to fit in and my underlying genetic predisposition to neurological problems meant I developed MS. This is how I explain it - stress is a trigger, I was under a lot of stress. It is not, so far, something that my neurologists have put together or acknowledged to me, but I know what I know. Understanding why I feel/do what I feel/do is helping a lot. Being aware is very helpful. I hate Christmas and the false social aspect of this event, don’t know how to like or receive gifts and get very stressed about this, I like to give presents but spend way more time and money than is necessary etc etc. Anyway, thank you. It all helps and I hope talking about it helps you too xx * Odd Girl Out by Lara James; Spectrum Women ed. by Barb Cook; visual Thinking by TempleGrandin. These are some of my most illuminating reads.

@i.am.mindblind

11 ай бұрын

As for SDAM, a lot of autistic people have very good memories. Unfortunately for me, I have the opposite. I do have a Playlist that talks more about my memory disorder.

Good night! Will watch early

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Hi Eira! Hope you had a good day today.

Amanda, have you been checked out for a hyper-mobility condition called “Ehlers-Danilo’s Syndrome ?” It often occurs along with being on the ASD more often than not. I used to sprain my ankles badly every year until I figured out that I had EDS along with ASD. Now, I do a lot of balance work which has helped a lot. Get checked out so you have more tools.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I talked to my foot surgeon before my surgery an he didn't think it was a concern. I've read a lot about EDS and I think I have show some signs but not enough for a dx. I am going to bring it up to my general doctor next time I see her though.

It is important to balance our needs with the community's when it comes to the holiday song and dance, but from my perspective, it sounds like you're still erring too much on the side of pleasing others, at your own expense. I hope you'll eventually be in a position to trust those friends and family to be understanding and provide accommodations instead of having to mask and deal with it for their sake as we so often do.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I'm a work in progress. My latest is mantra is Learning out Loud. I was diagnosed 7 months ago, and I've come a long way, but recognize I have a long way to go. Reading people's comments and where they are in their unmaksing journey is very helpful. Also, I have other Autistic family members and trying to accomodate our different social and sensory needs as a family takes some navigagiting too. It's not always NT vs ND.

I sware we have very similar experiences with asd and health issues i may be you in a fun house mirror. And again I watched it too the end.🎉🎉🎉🎉

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Thank you. It is so nice to know that others do experience life similarly after so many years feeling alone.

Hi, I'm Dean, Asperger's type-A DSM IV. I just want to info dump and that wouldn't be wonderful for everyone. So I'll just say good video proud of you and I have no idea how to unmask and holidays do in in fact suck.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

This is 100% the space to info dump. All info dumping welcome, we are learning from each other in the comments. Also, I'm level 1 Autism which is the new designation for Aspergers in the DSM5, but I understand that some people are comfortable keeping the diagnosis they received before the DSM5 came out.

@TheWannabeOutdoorsman

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind 😀🤗

@TheWannabeOutdoorsman

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind I am way more comfortable keeping that diagnosis because it indicates a horizontal spectrum and your placement on it whereas level-one sounds either like the bottom or the top of a vertical like I'm better than or worse than ranking. also I have somewhat of a chip on my shoulder from all the abuse from NT's. I know it's there and I try not to let it show. It's something I'm working on. 👈 Dealing with and healing from, not the masking (I'm good at that part except I suppose in an environment where I'm supposed to be honest).

Screw the algorithm/j The goal of the algorithm is a different one then your goal with these videos and 'performance' is a measure of how efficient you were in getting there./gn Unfortunately there is no algorithm for measuring how well you are helping other people on the spectrum or with your specific commodities so you are going to measure your 'performance' yourself/lh But I think you have a perfect score there/gn

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

It's an example of me still trying to operate under neurotypical advice. When Social Media Content Creation became a special interest I dove into "how to" groups. Now I'm learning to listen to what works for me and my community.

@pathofthetrickster

Жыл бұрын

It is so ridiculous! Like if you feel like making a video today then do it, and if you don't feel like doing it another day, then there shouldn't be any pressure to do it. The algorithm wants us to be robots 😢

Amanda, you are such a beautiful woman and human 🌺

If you don't want to be acknowledged at Mothers Day or if thay day is hard for you, you do not need to participate. However, it should remain a holiday for those who wish to participate and be acknowledged. If you get triggered, that is your responsibility to treat and navigate that. No one needs tomtiptoe around anyone. That's my take. Celebrate whatever every day, but don't invalidate set holidays and celebrations due to your own problems with them. There you have it.

@i.am.mindblind

11 ай бұрын

Oh if only it were that simple. If I were to tell family I didn't want to celebrate Christmas there is zero understanding. No one gets how stressful "mandatory" gift giving is. I'm not saying there's an easy answer. But holidays are a community event (family being one type of community) and opting out, ESPECIALLY after a lifetime of masking isn't an option without major feelings getting hurt. I opted out of my birthday celebration last year and that's pretty much the only one people don't give you hell over. There's no room in our society for people who get anxiety and stress at holidays. No, we get labeled party poopers, self centered, scrooge, etc. Instead of "How can we include you so you can also enjoy spending time with us without feeling anxious and exhausted?"

Oh I thought this was gonna be "holidays" as going away, which I've always struggled with. I should be excited to go somewhere fun, right? But I just feel nothing. Or I get anxious about the travel or something going wrong and being out of my comfort zone. And when I get to the holiday destination, I end up dissociating the whole time. I dunno how to get over this :/

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I do talk about travel in this video. I'm still working out how to make it easier. kzread.info/dash/bejne/mG1oyapxqbWahMY.html

0:50 "come back to it later" ... lol I have at least 50 open tabs with half played KZread videos. And I actually think The Algorithm behaves differently for us ND people once it has learned our habits. At least I regularly get recommended videos early that I later learn was apparently heavily suppressed in most peoples feed because of some "demonetisation" issue. And I get very little of all the "viral" stuff that apparently other people get a lot of. (But I also pay for Premium because I cannot stand ads; which also seems to make The Algorithm have very different priorities; for instance LGBTQ and "adult" topics that I'm interested in doesn't seem to have any lower priority than any other content; which makes sense. Since the I'm not watching any ads anyway and pay a fixed sum each month; the Algorithm has no incentive to prioritise "advertiser friendly" stuff. )

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Oh that's very interesting observations about the premium. Sometimes I wonder if ND people are less influeneced by Ads? I watch them and think why would this make ANYONE interested? I'm very very rarely influenced by an Ad and if I am, it is usually something I'm doing indpepedent research on anyway not because an ad caught my attention.

@tracik1277

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind I think you are right that we don’t take notice/get influenced by ads. But every so often there is something and recently I saw a short ad for a type of big flat diamond shaped makeup brush with very densely packed bristles - and it is the Best Stim Toy Ever! My Brushy!

I actually like most holidays

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I've heard some Autistic people like the tradition and rituals around holidays, is that the case for you?

@jenmatthews4949

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind maybe? I'm just figuring out the autism aspect. I was diagnosed ADHD at 44. I have a 12 year old son who is autistic, and the more I reflect, and learn, the more I realize I'm probably autistic too. I'm also adopted. I struggled with self-esteem and feeling like I wasn't wanted... Being acknowledged (nothing extravagant) is reassuring I guess.

Do you feel you are surrounded by enough family and friends that understand your diagnosis? I also smile and nod in public and find a push back from friends. I understand that people have there own life. Interesting predicament. Also, regarding finding words, I close my eyes and freeze until I have the words and don't know how people feel about that. They don't react. Take care of yourself!

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I've got a mixed reaction to my diagnosis. Some supportive, some realizing their own autism (we tend to unintentionally flock together.) My mom learning she is also autistic and grappling what that means for her. My husband being supportive. Some friends quietly disappearing on me after being diagnosed. Some learning more about autism. Mixed reactions.

@hautepinkrae8084

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind well, I hope going through this process will go well and start feeling better soon!

Gifts are so confusing and annoying. The rules for it are dumb. Like pretend you love it even if it's clearly something you told them you would not want. It's clearly not really to make you happy if you have to pretend so that the other person feels happy about giving it. And then you listen and watch and try to find something for someone that they actually want said so or they said they need but they don't do that for you because your stuff "doesn't make sense" or "it is weird". Plus holidays are weird I'm general. And a downer for me more now due to also having chronic pain on top of everything. I do love traditions around food. Cause they become like part of my routine for certain foods I like but don't like enough to be my always foods. Plus a meal and hanging out with just my kids and hubby can be kinda cool. Especially since I don't always have the energy everyday for doing a ton of stuff. But having a sort of scheduled special occasion to do it and I can prepare is nice. Plus cooking was a massive special interest of mine. For a long time. I still love it even if my pain limits me a lot now. So it's a way to share that interest with them without feeling like I'm driving them nuts. Cause a lot of my special interest end up just being me info dumping and annoying people when I try to share them. Also I hope you start feeling better again after your fall. That shit does suck. And is not helpful. So I hope the pain gets less.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I relate to the "your stuff is weird why is on your wishlist" sentiment. Don't judge my wishlist! Lol. Cooking was one of my biggest Special Interests. But I've come to learn I actually don't like cooking. I like eating. I'm a sensory seeker with food and I always want to try new foods & textures. I couldn't go out to eat all the time so I learned how to cook just so I could try new stuff. 😂

@omninerd4276

Жыл бұрын

I like the smells. And how food looks. Love watching how it's made. But am a big coward on trying new things. I'm super picky. I even use my hubby as a guinea pig. Since he knows the foods I like. I make him try stuff first cause he loves new foods. Then I barely taste stuff. I get weird about food. But I do love eating the ones I like. 😊 Plus I liked that cooking was a special interest that people were ok with and it gave me a way to feel more connected to people since I have a hard time with that. Which is a big reason why I miss it now that my body won't let me spend hours cooking and standing in the kitchen. Stupid body.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, I'm having regression of skills in the kitchen and it sucks. My adhd makes it hard to focus, or forget food while it's cooking, my sensory issues are exploding and now I hate touching raw meat. It's frustrating but I'm trying to learn new methods and simplify down for now.

I only like Halloween too 😅

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

It's the best!

@anjachan2

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind Im glad both my parents don't like those days too. I really think they are somewhat neurodivers too 😅 they are very different from their siblings ...

I hate holidays, and gifts...I am also autistic.

Do you think autistic people are more accident prone? i was in the emergency room a lot as a kid growing up. And as an adult quite a bit also. I don't get sick that much, but broken bones or sprains. Moving too fast, rushing about frantically. I need to slow down, and breaking something FORCES me to slow down. It's like i need permission to take a break (break, lol)

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I think this is true, it's been indicated that Autistic people often have low proprioception which is awareness of our body in space. This can lead us to be more accident prone and often not great at sports.

I have never liked celebrations. Lucily mothers and Father’s Day is not a big deal in my country. So we don’t care in my family, it’s just a normal day. I think New Year’s Eve is the worst. You are supposed to be with friends an be very happy. So we skip this too. Easter is also just another holiday in my family. Not a single yellow item in my house. Actually nighter Easter and Christmas are true Christian holidays. The days of the week and time of year are all wrong. We just discussed in my family to stop giving presents to the adults, only to the children. Cause it makes no sense, just a lot of wasted energy and money. Rather buy something to oneself that we actually need.

I think it’s stupid too All of the holidays … stressful n fake …

Hi, Amanda! The video title shows “YouCut 20230515 155026607” and I’m thinking that’s not the intended title. The thumbnail looks good, though (Holidays, Gift Culture…). Agreed, navigating around social stuff surrounding gifts can be awkward. (Still watching video, and I so appreciate your openness to process aloud, here).

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

Oops, thanks let me change that. I'm having a hard day.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I really appreciate that you pointed that out! 😂😂

@Maggies87

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind I edited my comment above, to note how much I appreciate your videos as well. Be kind to yourself. Remember to rest if you need to.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I am resting lots. But my mind likes to swirl with thoughts.

@Maggies87

Жыл бұрын

@@i.am.mindblind Oh no…you sure didn’t need another tumble (duh!!!). Remember that we actually forget how to move and where to put assorted body parts when we’ve been down for a while. Your balance is off, too. (edit…I’m adhd & awkward, thus, too many comments 🤪. But I mean well!)

I've grown to enjoy holidays less and less over the years. Particularly because it seems that some people close to me did not appreciate the gifts that I got them even though I put a lot of thought into it. In fact, I bought my soon to be ex-wife a paper cutter. She's a teacher and cuts a lot of paper. Yet, last I saw (we've been separated for more than 1.5 years), she had never used it. Also, I don't like feeling like I have to give someone a gift on a certain day. If I want to get something for someone, I want to do because it's something I want to do regardless of the time of year; not because some holiday dictates it.

@i.am.mindblind

Жыл бұрын

I'm the same. I want to give a gift in a moment that makes sense, not because of a holiday.