Don't know how many times I've asked the love of my life over 4+ decades, "Why do I have to bear all of the emotions?" Thankful to have found you.

Walking on egg shells is the life of a neurotypical wife.

This man saved my marriage from just watching his you-tube videos. However, I’m going to sign up so I can get some tools in my tool box. Mark be head on it!!! He should be a billionaire because people lack knowledge but need sooo much help. Thank God for him!

Absolutely fantastic content. Presented with excellent clarity. Amazingly insightful, educational, eye-opening, HELPFUL. THANK YOU for your important work.

Mark really blows me away when I think of my ol’ guy who seems quite content with his logic & intellect which can result in so many hurt feelings. I love him very much & have the compassion to stand by him. Thanks a lot Mark && may God bless you. ❤️

Thank you, thank you, thank you , thank you 🙏🏼 thank you for saying it like it is period. NT wife

Thank you Mark. Again, incredibly helpful. Hard to hear, but very helpful. Your channel gives me strength and direction, I appreciate all of your videos 🙏😊

@markhutten

Жыл бұрын

You are very welcome

This is the best channel for Autistic and NT relationships i have seen. I have been in a relationship of this dynamic, for just over a year. It was the best and the worst of relationships. I have BPD and was constantly being triggered by his lack of emotion. I still love him so much but have had to 'bow out' as was in almost constant pain. 😢

@cocodream_3785

7 ай бұрын

I absolutely agree.

@ADHD_zen

5 ай бұрын

I am in a similar situation. We are freshly broken up now. I am still trying to see if there are any ways how to mend it and come back together. How do you feel now? Do you think it was the right decision? As I am constantly pulled between to factors. One of them being that I want more emotional closeness. On the other hand - maybe this is something I need to understand in order not to be triggered as much in my life in general, that his distance is not personal and he cares differently? Like…. How do I distinguish between what is reasonable and what is just basically enabling my BPD reactions?:/ can the lack of emotional connection be healthy for me as for a person and help me overcome BPD, or is it gonna make it worse?

@dmoore0079

24 күн бұрын

@@ADHD_zen For me, it was realizing that I was projecting my horrible, abusive mother onto my wife. I interpreted my wife's apparent dismissal and indifference in very dark, twisted ways. It got so bad that I entered a trauma bond with her, without her even realizing it. A huge amount of difficulty in all of my past relationships were because of my huge mother wound, now that I think of it. Things that happened to us in childhood - especially stuff we deserved and didn't receive...it has such profound impact on us.

@ADHD_zen

24 күн бұрын

@@dmoore0079 the thing is that I haven’t felt so with other people. And I can relate to needing space etc., I think it was mainly because I could see him going out and doing things with his friends and coworkers, but not with me… so it indeed felt very personal.

Thank you so much for this important information. This is all new to me. I am an empath and married a man last July that is behaving in some manners as what you are referring to. I love him with all my heart and I want to learn how to be a better wife for him. He is a wonderful man! ❤

@markhutten

Жыл бұрын

Best of luck!

@hej2800

8 ай бұрын

how are you doing? ND people usually flip the switch once they're married, turning into strangers...

@terrylynndelman

7 ай бұрын

I am also learning. Managing my expectations has really helped me.

Well, I feel like you’ve summed it all up for the last 24 years of my life. I have been tired of this dynamic for most of this time and was dumb enough to have a kid with the guy who is now presenting ASD themselves. I am so frustrated with my marriage and carry all the resentment you speak of. I think my only answer is to divorce as I am fed up with it and see much more peace for myself without this daily conflict. I feel like I’m trying to get blood from a turnip. I just really wonder if my life would be more satisfying without this marriage to an unaware ASD. Menopause has pushed away hormones that want me to work it out anymore. Could you please post link to your audiobook for parents of ASD kids and teens? I had an issue trying to purchase it (the $17 audiobook). Thank you for the insight.

@denesharichardson4538

Жыл бұрын

I know exactly how you feel. I am mentally and emotionally done. It's been 9 years and this situation made me feel like a prisoner. This is not a marriage in my eyes. I have 3 children and they are small but I am not going to stay just for them. There is more to life than this. I have alot of resentment because i choose the wrong person as a life partner. The only way I can free myself is to move on.

Mark "He has a set of rules in his head and you won't know them unless you violate them." I can't stress how accurate this is, and also how it is one of the most vital aspects to address in a marriage. Get to that point were the NT is open to listening and understanding and the ASD is comfortable enough to explain their rules to their partner without fear of judgement or retaliation. This is how you make a marriage work, a simple commitment and willingness to listen and understand that your partner does not see and understand things the same way you do, and that is okay, because together working as a team you can get all the benefits of a NT's social intelligence, and the ASD's logical intelligence while minimizing or removing much of the conflict that comes from a lack of understanding.

I have been in a 15 year relationship that has been very destructive, he doesn't wants help, he believes in the internet and his own research, he cannot control his reactions, he is verbally abusive and will not stop saying the cruelest things, I stayed and tried so hard to accomodate him, this time he told me he cannot bond with out child which has autism, that he will achieve nothing and that he is a waste of resources as I am spending my money which I use to maintain us for teraphies aswell. I think that there is a limit on how much you can be supportive, in this case he is jealous our child took my attention from him and he didn't wanted to share, ao he chose leaving and cutting contact. Even from his own family. I tried my best, I love him so much, yet our child comes first. He is beautiful and loving, but struggles a lot to be helped. I cannot do nothing for him abd he is destroying my strenght which I need for our child. So better he can leave and be free, and I can focus on our boy. Naybe later he will decide to come back, who knows

@MarkLupson-it6xu

18 сағат бұрын

Under no circumstances take him back. He has Narcissistic Personalty Disorder… this is very common with Asperger’s or HFA. You cannot help him. He will destroy you and the child. You are in great danger if believe anything else, he will never change. Run.

I've learned much from you. Also, your voice is very comforting like ASMR

@markhutten

Жыл бұрын

I'm so glad!

Please I may need some help understanding if this is ASD or if there ARE some narc traits 😔 It’s just so painful hearing from one of his friends how “he is my favorite person to be around drinking, he is so much fun”. Yeah… he is so great around others while I get the leftovers. I have the exhausted ghost farting on the sofa and when I voice that it makes me sad that other people get this side of him and I don’t, I am the one to be blamed. I am constantly trying to adjust my communication and lowering my expectations. He is even aware that he doesn’t consider other people’s opinions and requests*** if it doesn’t make sense to him. But how can he KNOW it and still do nothing about it? I am not asking him to magically solve it, but if he is aware of it, how is he not aware of the fact that maybe the middle ground is to say - I don’t understand what is happening to you right now and why it is hurtful, but I RESPECT you enough to consider it and adjust the behavior somehow? He sees so many things as a manipulation and transaction. I cannot even tell him anything nice because he feels anxious that it is a transaction. Always just bringing up toxic negativity. And I understand that EVERYTHING has its potential negative meaning and aspect. But Jesus Christ this is exhausting. Constantly trying to communicate that I am not after him and I mean well and have no ill intention. Not only do I not get any nice words out of him. I cannot even say them without being the villain. Not once did I hear “I am sorry for what I did and that it hurt you, I want to learn how to do things better.” ~ I am the one constantly trying to tell him how I care for him and how he is amazing but some things hurt me. Then he tells me - this is who I am. Then I am not the person for you. I understand the logic but I am not trying to change him. It comes down to things that he does struggle with outside of our connection too. Isn’t it healthy to look into ourselves and wonder if we perhaps wouldn’t make life more pleasant for ourselves, if we addressed and challenged certain traits? I know his anxiety is through the roof but he doesn’t seem to do much about it 😢 *** e.g. once we were watching TV and we’re about to eat. I asked if we could stop watching gross videos as I was already losing appetite. And he wouldn’t do so. Even though I asked nicely multiple times. I had to leave afterwards. And when I brought it up few days later, he told me he didn’t change the channel because it felt to him like I was wanting to watch only what I wanted to and didn’t want to watch what HE wanted to watch, so he didn’t change it. There is so much negativity and power play and I don’t know what to do. I just wanted to change a stupid video. But no, I am the bad person that is selfish and has to be dominated. He is so many times putting his foot down just for the sake of doing it 😢

ASD+NT Couples resources: --- Living with ASD - eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples: www.livingwithaspergerspartner.com/ --- One-on-One Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2019/07/skype-counseling-for-struggling-couples.html --- Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-asd-men-struggling-in-their.html --- Group for Neurotypical Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-nt-women-struggling-in-their.html --- Online Group Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/10/mark-hutten-m.html --- Recovery from Cassandra Syndrome - Counseling for Neurotypical Spouses: www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/2021/08/recovery-from-emotional-deprivation-for.html --- ASD Men’s MasterClass: www.asdmasterclass.com/2022/02/asd-mens-masterclass.html

Absolutely OUTSTANDING !!! Thank You Sir

@markhutten

Жыл бұрын

Thank you kindly!

Yeah the aspie can help heal things and problems from the past by 1st kcnologing nd learning about what went wrong and what was hurtful and 2nd by not repeating the same patterns of hurtful and neglectful behavior. We can't forgive and hel and move forward when the behavior stays the same. The getting neglected and getting shut out nd not getting emotional connection is relentless 😢 consistently feeling like that is awful

My drunken husband with ASD put me in jail because he accused me of slapping his 17 year old daughter. Photos proved no slap. He cried to judge that he thought I did after I told him I didn’t. His daughter lied. It was horrible. He paid $$$$$ to clear my name. I’ve gone through hell. Oh, my family is all law enforcement. I’ve never been in trouble. Talk about embarrassing me with my family

Wow great video

I disagree that the ASH does handles things out of logic problem solving. I am much more logical than he is. He acts out of emotion, usually fear or anger. He doesnt want to be the center of drama but he sure is drawn to drama around him, he loves to gossip about other peoples drama.

@alexandraphipps

9 ай бұрын

Agree. It is actually a subtle distinction here, though. ALL people operate primarily from emotion and unconscious drives. The difference is just that the ASD husband is much better at USING logic and analytical horsepower to support his position and also better at convincing himself and others that it is through pure reason alone that he comes to his positions. So while, yes, they are better at formal logic on paper, in their lived experience, they are no less unconsciously driven than NTs. It just looks that way.

@terrylynndelman

7 ай бұрын

Interesting about gossiping. My ASD husband does.

@salrc8352

5 ай бұрын

Agree!

@salrc8352

5 ай бұрын

She is traumatized which is why she goes back overcast events and they keep happening they don't stop even when she asks!

@ADHD_zen

5 ай бұрын

Omg this is so spot on!!!!! They do act on emotions, they just logic them and don’t show them and then because they rationalize their emotions they say they are logical 😅

Very helpful

@markhutten

Жыл бұрын

Glad you think so!

....thank you,💓 Mark👍

@markhutten

Жыл бұрын

Welcome!

ASD was mentioned 100x, but there has to be a term for the all emotion vs logic disorder as well... Yes?

3.20 movies. I have the feeling this is more the asd that does it instead of me..

In all your videos you describe my fiancé to a tee. If someone is undiagnosed or maybe not even have any idea of high functioning autism, is it a good idea to ask them about it if they haven’t shared it? I don’t want to offend but some people may be offended by a question like that.

@Michael-du2fv

Жыл бұрын

Lots of people go undiagnosed because they don't think they are Autistic. Speaking from my own experience I wasn't diagnosed till I was in my 40's and I only became aware of it because my daughter was diagnosed. I went my whole life thinking other people were just dumb, made dumb decisions, overly emotional and needy. It's been a strange journey coming to the realization that I am Autistic and that my perceptions of myself and others is entirely based on being Autistic. Other people aren't dumb or overly emotional, I am highly logical and see the world from a different angle then typical people. It's very possible as I have come to understand that some ASD people do not even believe or think they could be Autistic until confronted with it, and then they need to be kind of open to the idea because it does mean changing your entire self image of yourself to come to terms with it because it does change everything. In the end for myself, my psychologist has been a god send in helping me thru my own journey of discovery, but the knowledge from understanding how your own brain works in relation to society and other people has been priceless to me and the people around me because it has given me a great many tools to use in learning how to better manage my triggers, anxiety and stress and learn better communication when dealing with other people in a way that is not based on misunderstandings and conflict. Someone with ASD can't be forced to acknowledge their Autism, I certainly wasn't going to be until I was ready to find answers, we ASD can be very prideful and arrogant because of how we see the world very logically and mechanically and can build negative views of others as weak, needy and emotional volatile. I know I did, but its a flawed mentality based on a lack of information about yourself as an ASD individual and other people. I hope that helps some, yes I know that's not an answer per say but an ASD person acknowledging their Autism is admitting something is wrong with you, when you might of spent your whole life thinking something is wrong with everyone else.

@amerlylau8073

Жыл бұрын

@@Michael-du2fv thank you so much forsharing,its help me understand more from perspective of ASD. Please advise as NT partner,how to approach in term of :not being downloads as accuse when try to let him know he need to open up understand n help himself out as he's in anxiety situation n refused connection mode?

Curious as to why it is typically NT wife/ASD husband and the science behind it…if any. This is my situation.

@sallyfangsrud9624

5 ай бұрын

My question is, when the asd 1 person has the issue, you expect the nt wide to absorb all the difficulty, while the asd continues in the same routine. Leering go is great unless this is an everyday life issue. How much is the NT wife does to absorb and not become damaged.

There are zero excuses for asd to abuse and hurt a nt ...bottom line. It is there job to be better. You're giving abusive male ASD the excuse to hurt their partner. How is it ok for them to physically break bones and the NT to forgive it. Ya get out. I know. It's not that easy when the NT actually loves the jerk.

@Michael-du2fv

Жыл бұрын

Is there excuses for a NT to abuse an ASD person then? If they are physically violent regardless if they are ASD or NT they need to get professional help and if they are hurting you, you are not obligated to forgive them or stand by them. I'm an ASD man and I am not physically violent to anyone, I deal with my stress and anxiety internally, if your partner (assuming as I read your comment) is taking out their frustration on you physically they need help, call the cops. Mark certainly is not suggesting you just deal with a physically abuse person by letting them continue to be physically violent.

@mandilynn47

Жыл бұрын

@@Michael-du2fv thank you!!!!

@sds6303

7 ай бұрын

Then you’re probably dealing with a more severe pathology than ASD if they are purposely being violent.