It was just a regular all white duck when Ashens took it home..

@spicybeantofu

4 ай бұрын

You saying he's a duck butt kisser lol

@jackieelizabeth8614

4 ай бұрын

Duckafile

@jaysonraphaelmurdock8812

3 ай бұрын

Duckphobic

@kingslob3422

2 ай бұрын

It was a black duck before

I remember in 2006. This man put a piece of tat on his sofa and pointed at it. How far we've come.

@malegirlboss

4 ай бұрын

Me too, haha. Proud of him.

@MrHack4never

4 ай бұрын

We're all self aware and depressed now

@Sarah_Grant

4 ай бұрын

Truly a journey...

@Jimmy_Jones

4 ай бұрын

Ever since his 2nd video. I guess the sofa is the reason for the views.

@jubuttib

4 ай бұрын

@@Jimmy_JonesWell, he didn't start by putting videos on KZread, he transitioned to the platform later, so the first two videos here aren't the original uploads. =)

"Kissing the duck's ass" sounds like an old-fashioned crass way of saying the day has gone to absolute bollocks.

I like how Tesco has become more Poundland than Poundland itself.

@scladoffle2472

4 ай бұрын

New Poundland opened in my town recently, went in and they sell bloody £30 coats and barely anything is a pound 🤣

@legatenaarifin

4 ай бұрын

Tat is where the falling angel (Tesco) meets the rising ape (Poundland)

@AcornElectron

4 ай бұрын

@@scladoffle2472 😅 sounds about right but when a coat is cheaper at Next than at Poundland you know the economy is f****d.

@curtisss

4 ай бұрын

They've always been that way, that's why chef excellence got on the tesco value gin when it all started going wrong for him

@dumbbirdwayne

4 ай бұрын

I feel like a lot of supermarkets here in England sell “Poundland-esque” tat, even big names that are more pricey than others sell the same crappy mass produced ornaments and garbage occasion wares 😂

"Oh man, none of the other cups are clean. Guess I'll have to use the Ass Glass."

@TheyfoundRickGrimes

4 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@OptimusSledge

4 ай бұрын

Is this not how you're supposed to initiate ass play?

@jonathanfinan722

4 ай бұрын

Arse. It’s arse.

@Wemius61

4 ай бұрын

"It looks like it's got a bum...or something."

@OptimusSledge

4 ай бұрын

@@jonathanfinan722 The arse glarse?

"Heart-Shaped Glass" was a rejected Nirvana B-side.

7:48 someone forgot to delete the 'CHRISTMAS CRACKER' text from the back of the box 🤣

@acidhelm

4 ай бұрын

I saw that too, someone needs to be sacked.

@Dreadjaws

4 ай бұрын

LMAO. And it's there multiple times. This is how much effort they were willing to put in this stuff.

@jonothanthrace1530

4 ай бұрын

I wonder if that's a legal term.

@Hanaconda_Aquaponics

4 ай бұрын

😮

@MichaelBennett1

4 ай бұрын

I’m calling the police.

Nothing like an Ashens Valentine's Day special to remind me how cripplingly alone I am.

@speed0spank

4 ай бұрын

You are not alone I am here with you

@TheVirtuoso883

4 ай бұрын

​@@speed0spankhow could this be You're not here with me

@sebp9882

4 ай бұрын

Alone this year again just like every other year and every other year after that till death. Ahh. Love Ashens humor

@RegenTonnenEnte

4 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing your self-pity, stranger.

@MisterCasket

4 ай бұрын

Same here people! I just came home from a singles' night at a bar. Score is 8 beers, 0 conversations. Can't wait for next year!

I think my brain stopped working for a second when he said "Tav" and "Astarion" after I stopped listening for 30 seconds. I was not expecting that one XD

@EnbyGaemer2005

4 ай бұрын

I'm watching this whilst waiting for the patch that Larain promised us. I can't escape BG3!

@AEmeraldEntity

4 ай бұрын

im here after patch 6- my heart took a god dam screenshot

@Sirdeathvids

4 ай бұрын

It took me a second to process that too, but it is clear Ashens has been playing some BG3 lately

@typacsk

3 ай бұрын

I sort of tuned it out and assumed he was just making up random names and grievances, until I heard "To G'Kar, from Londo"

"Go skinny dipping" it says while I stare at the snow falling outside. Sure.

@gyrran

4 ай бұрын

i quadruple quack dare you, chicken

Citrus Stapler sounds like a 90s band with one hit song

@MrDannyDetail

4 ай бұрын

...and even then it was probably only a hit on the indie chart

5:00 I feel like Astarion would be far more sarcastic if he was writing an apology note

@personnel5757

4 ай бұрын

lol I loved this part XD can't wait for my next playthrough XD

@benedictrogers1478

4 ай бұрын

To be fair this is clearly the apology note from when Durge lets him drink their blood.

@strawbellebelle

4 ай бұрын

He'd also wax poetic about how his flaws are entirely the fault of him being a queer man, which in BG3 makes him an inherently predatory and evil person. What with the "one of the first things he does in your party is try to metaphorically-rape the player character".

I feel one day in the far future, Ashens videos will be played in museums as a demonstration of the ecological disaster that was the 21st Century.

I’ve been here for over 10 years. Thanks for the good times Ashens.

"plan a lazy sunday brunch" THERE IS NOTHING LAZY ABOUT A BRUNCH!

"Go skinny dipping" In February "Go to the ER"

@TheSmart-CasualGamer

4 ай бұрын

"Catch Frostbite." "Lose two fingers of your left hand."

@Psychol-Snooper

4 ай бұрын

Well, you could always go obese dipping.

@TheLivingCatastrophe

4 ай бұрын

Die the next day. "No one shows up at your funeral"

@anononomous

4 ай бұрын

If it's cold the only realistic option is the local leisure centre.

@ellaisplotting

4 ай бұрын

@@anononomous "Get Arrested"

2:54 Getting trapped in a box is a standard first date for mimes.

LOVE how we hear NO Snap, just a rip. Sometimes, not even that.

@MizunoKetsuban

4 ай бұрын

As someone who has not experienced crackers for a long time (if at all tbh) maybe the snaps are more something you feel rather than hear?

@tncorgi92

4 ай бұрын

I think his recording software may be self adjusting, any loud, sharp sound gets filtered.

Everytime I go to stay with my long distance boyfriend we binge watch old Ashens videos but tonight we're apart so we watched this in sync from our respective homes. Not the same but still a lot of fun. Includes pencil!!!

@ashleajon

4 ай бұрын

I love you, kimby

At least Ashens still has his sofa, that's a life time commitment.

@kaitlyn__L

4 ай бұрын

(It’s actually just one small piece of the sofa)

The true cure for crippling valentines day loneliness - watching poundland tat, makes me happy

@mgthestrange9098

4 ай бұрын

Yes, it makes you happy that you don’t have to buy it.

4:50 in case we forgot that Ashens is a doctor, we see his handwriting

I like that the last date idea was essentially just "take a hike".

YES! I was worried we wouldn’t get the tat. Balance has been restored.

I thought the 'love token' said "have a panic by a river" and was imagining some sort of serial killer scenario of dumping the body of your lover then you hear a noise, hence, panic by a river

@jane-annarmstrong6562

4 ай бұрын

I am in Canada a picnic by the river would be a bit chilly right now! 🥶❄️❄️☃️

@RealBLAlley

4 ай бұрын

Or your name is SImon

@vickyharrison84

4 ай бұрын

Panic! At The River

@thurayya8905

4 ай бұрын

Slasher movie title!🔪❤🔪😂

@samcowell5554

4 ай бұрын

Panic by a river There sounds like a stupid band that didn’t even get one song

I never thought that I would see a Babylon 5 reference in 2024. Well done, sir.

@hurgenflerg2133

4 ай бұрын

They put out a whole cartoon movie a few months ago.

@DivineFalcon

4 ай бұрын

@@hurgenflerg2133 It's just so sad that almost all the main actors have gone beyond the Rim.

Gotta say, wasn't expecting a BG3 reference in my ashens valentines video

having been at Hyperfixation Station for bg3 since the summer, I did a full-on double take up from my sudoku app upon hearing "Tav" and "Astarion" and had to stop and check I wasn't just hearing my obsessions in non-bg3 videos now 😂😂

Nothing quite reminds me that Stuart is a real, qualified, actual doctor more than seeing his handwriting 😂

@davehedgehogUK

4 ай бұрын

He has a PhD/doctorate, he's not a doctor. I could legally call myself Dr. as well (I don't - it's beyond pretentious) yet I can't even apply a bandage.

@kawaiilotus

3 ай бұрын

​@@davehedgehogUKno all Drs have bad handwriting, even the non medical ones.

@ashs_insights

2 ай бұрын

​@@kawaiilotusjust the ones that have arms

As an enthusiastic tea drinker, the line "unlimited cups of tea...so you can spend a lot of time having a pee in the toilet?" gave me a hearty chuckle

Looks like the recycling bin has a Valentine's date with all of this tat!

@DivineFalcon

4 ай бұрын

I can just imagine the garbage men on Stuart's route: "Goddamnit, he's been making a video again! Guess that means overtime...and what is that SMELL!?"

The Londo/G'Kar one had me laughing in tears. I know barely enough people who liked or even knew Babylon 5. This made my day a whole lot better. Thank you Ashens 5:33 not even close, but a Geek I am

@krzbrew

4 ай бұрын

Add me to the list

@TLGProduktions

4 ай бұрын

A rare Babylon 5 reference indeed!

@MudSluggerBP

4 ай бұрын

Derek? Babylon 5's a big pile of shit.

@RhienneC

4 ай бұрын

It really caught me off guard, but it's brilliant!

@yelllowtaill22

4 ай бұрын

There's a hole in your mind

If it ain't a rubber duck, it's a gonk. I swear there's gonna be Valentine's Day gonka over there in a year or two.

@anthonybradley1555

4 ай бұрын

I will be so disappointed if ashens don't do the large Easter gonk from one below this year though £5 is a bit steep for that like that 😅

@Krystal_latsyrK

4 ай бұрын

They had Valentine's gonks in the US weirdly enough lol

@Chaos89P

4 ай бұрын

@@Krystal_latsyrK Really? I hadn't noticed. Maybe I just don't pay much attention in the seasonal section around Valentine's Day.

This healed me ❤️ as long as that brown couch continues to grace my homepage, i know the world is okay

Whoever designed that glass doesn't seem to have considered how someone is supposed to drink from it, generally agreed to be the main function of such an item

@TheLivingCatastrophe

3 ай бұрын

The straw is your only good option here. You can't sip from it unless you do it like a dog drinks it's water dish

The food dice thing was brilliantly stupid. That was hilarious

Here I thought Citrus on a Stapler was a US regional dish, TIL it's a British dish. Thanks 👍

"Visit a museum or gallery... or public toilet". LMAO!

"An orange being squeezed onto a stapler" - this could be the best meal ever experienced and most of us will never know.

"go skinny dipping" it's about 10c in uk and -10c where I am. Even if winter or ice swimming is normal to you (your are as is for mine) that's quite shock in this time of year.

@Anna81Louise

4 ай бұрын

I'm sitting here watching this from Queensland, Australia. It is 30 degrees centigrade today!!!!

Cheers stew I was just about to go to bed. Now I have to stay up and watch you look at some shite my wife frowns at me for looking at when we're shopping thanks to watching you for 17 years.

Nothing says Valentines more than glorious Ashens tat!

The joy of all us sad and lonely singles, sat on their sofas (typically shit brown) crying into a pot noodle on this magical special day for lovers, to alight our tear filled gaze upon an Ashens video 🎉❤ 😂

How dare you, Calendars can be "who's" now a days! 😂

i love those specials! need more! cant wait for easter special!!

I like the pace you're burning through the loving tat here!

Jet Set Willy reference was a nice touch. Thank You Stuart!

No holiday is complete until the Ashens special comes out.

"Citrus Stapler" would be a great name for a psychedelic math-rock band.

That’s a lot of landfill for Valentine’s Day

@thurayya8905

4 ай бұрын

Most of it is recyclable. But not the duck.

@turokforever007

4 ай бұрын

True, but most just goes in the ground anyway @@thurayya8905

@samcowell5554

4 ай бұрын

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Nothing like an Ashens Valentine special to remind me how terminally single I am. 😂

Stuart is MY VALENTINE. Get your own everyone

5:28 We've all been there, or who hasn't tried to make up to their significant other after devastating their homeworld and trying to contain the influence of the Shadows?

The BG3 apology pad sheet - a-mazing

And now we know what Stuart's handwriting looks like.

Ok, the Babylon 5 reference got me. "My shoes are too tight but it's okay, I have forgotten how to dance."

Looking down into the heart shaped glass is like the wormhole effects from the tv show Farscape.

@ellaisplotting

4 ай бұрын

Weird to see a reference to that, I just started it! The 90s CG is...interesting.

The duck seems appropriately traumatised by all the kissing.

Remember kids ... DON'T RIM DUCKS!

@XYZB0RG

3 ай бұрын

there goes my plan for the weekend...

Wait, you're having the big headed hovercraft driver dream too? Oh dear...

🍊+ ✂️ = citrus stapler! The decision die/dice was my favourite part lol😄👍🏻 (yes I know it’s scissors because there’s no stapler emoji 😆)

@mgthestrange9098

4 ай бұрын

It reminded me of the decision dice Ashens had made years ago to decide the fate of a piece of tat. I think most of us wished for the fate of fire.

@becky1992

4 ай бұрын

@@mgthestrange9098 yes! I remember that!

Happy Duckentine's Day.

Ah yes, citrus stapler. A classic valentines meal the share with your loved one.

Well, me sitting here, alone with a bag of chips, watching Ashens‘ Valentines special tells the whole story🤦🏽‍♂️

@Elwaves2925

4 ай бұрын

I see no problem there.

@toxictrumptube7763

4 ай бұрын

@@Elwaves2925 You’re right..definitely no problem there, but still tells the story.

@jimsyfool4335

4 ай бұрын

got ladies lining outside your door i assume?

@MarquisSmith

4 ай бұрын

I'm happily married myself. ... swap you for the chips?

A belated Valentine's Day Birthday Gift for me. Looking forward to it and enjoyed it as always, Ashens!

I don't care _how_ late Stuart slips it in.

A genuine double take for the B5 reference. Much appreciated 👌 'This way for hovercraft!' genius 🤣

I am so happy to be single and alone but I still really enjoy this channel showing me what I could be missing out on , apparently its all still crap. 5 years single and not one momment has been me wishing I wasn't. mind you it took 9 years to break free from the relationship i wish i never got into.

3:59 every youtuber needs one of these

Orange squeezed over a stapler provides iron and vitamin c. A very healthy food indeed.

Not only did they fix "You choose whose boss", they fixed it to the verbatim "Who IS Boss!" that Ashens said instead of "Who's" Brilliant

Now I've got a craving for orange staplers, think I'll order it for dinner

Always a bloody duck.

Happy Valentat day!

Yooooooo Babylon 5 reference! honestly forget that there are still people out there who've watched a family favorite show that no one else seems to remember/know about

@DarthPerkins

4 ай бұрын

Stuart does have Ambassador Londo Molari in his kitchen overseeing his kettle.

...but what if you LIKE hovercrafts? Sounds like an ideal partner to me!

I think “get trapped in a box forever” is called an “Escape Room”

A grapefruit swingline would really hit the spot right now, actually.

@Decipher13

4 ай бұрын

Craving a Kumquat Bostitch myself

BRO I typed in couch review simon pegg and you popped up OMG I am so happy to rediscover your channel it has been SO MANY YEARS

G'Kar to Londo. Perfect. 🤣🤣

Quite easy to have a picnic by a river these days. The river comes to you 👍

I've definitely had best friends necklaces like that over the years! Not a rarity if you shop at the tween girl mall stores.

Getting trapped inside a box together sounds like a cool escape room date idea LMAO

"Have a picnic by a river." I'm sure the people by the Hudson River in New York want to do exactly that, or maybe Cleveland Ohio. Especially if the Cuyahoga River is on fire again.

I just loved the skinny dipping suggestion... it's a very useful proposal when you live in Canada and would like to enjoy the thrill of hypothermia😜

I’m still not sure what some of the icons on the six sides dice are but glad we can all agree on citrus stapler

@turokforever007

4 ай бұрын

One looks like a kebab in a shop window

I love how at 7:48 you can literally see the valentines crackers labelled as 'christmas crackers' 😂

Omg yes your back. Just been getting my ashens fix from old bashens and Barry Lewis chanel. I've missed you. I'll now watch this lol.

Always great to watch 👍🏻

This is my first proper valentine's day 🥰 Previously was in an LDR which didn't work out and now this is my first IRL valentine's day 😊 it was really nice

i appreciate the babylon 5 reference, for i'm old

- I have PTSD! - Well, I just have the STNDS! *BADUM TSS*

0:50 "BE FRIE" is pronounced "Be Free", as in when you drop your 20 year old friendship and you tell yourself that it's for the better, even though it's all very painful and all you keep bleeding on the jagged edges of your broken heart.

I hadn't even thought of doing a Valentines day special until I realised I made a video suitable for it and PANIC upload and, it paid off :)

You don't actually get to go on the Sunday brunch, you only get to plan it.

@ellaisplotting

4 ай бұрын

Planning is all the fun!! ...right? 😅

I am glad I bought my partner a block of Applewood cheese for that day. I think the bum glass would have been appreciated, well I like it anyway.

“Don’t kiss ducks’ arses”; this is the kind of advice we only get on Ashen’s channel

1:18 - you could say, it soon turned out...Ashens had a heart of glass. *leaves*

The representation of hearts actually comes from the leaves of silphium, which was an ancient Roman aphrodisiac.

Always look forward to these holiday specials every year