It would be so nice to have some follow-up on some of these stories.

@Veracityseeker7

2 ай бұрын

Totally

@NopeNotToday26

2 ай бұрын

Yes! I’d love to hear that so we can see real progress!

The emotional/verbal abuse story is my story, but it's been happening for 22 years. John makes it sound so easy. Just tell them if they can't calm down to have a conversation, they need to leave. They always refuse to leave. It has to be me, but there is no where to go. And if I call him out on his crap, it just escalates his yelling. Louder, more cussing, more gaslighting. I've been waiting til my kids were grown to leave him, but I fear it would have been better to end this sooner. My son wrote a college essay on his abusive relationship with his father. It's all so heartbreaking. I'm scared to leave because I don't make enough money at my job to support me and the kids alone or to find a place to live that keeps kids in the same school (high school) . At this point, the pain of what happens to my life if I leave him is worse than staying.

@Mrs.LadeyBug

7 ай бұрын

I know a few people who have been through this. One has waited for her children to grow up… and now her grandchildren. It is so hard. And I keep praying for both of them. I do believe in miracles, and it would definitely take a miracle to change that situation. Please don’t wait. It will not help your kids if they are watching you be abused, and/or if they are also getting mistreated. You all need to find good and safe people to confide in and get anchored in another home where he doesn’t run the show. 💝🙏🏼

@michellesimmons3150

7 ай бұрын

This is me too. And sadly my husbadn got so bad towards my son….his stepson, my son left and told me he is NEVER coming back. My son is a behavioral health specialist…so he KNOWS he is abusive and sadly I found out he sustained a lot of emotional and mental abuse I was in teh dark about. My husband is a evil person, super controlling and is a killer….he is special ops and has 30 years active military service under his belt, because of that alone so many people empathize with him instead of the kids and I….they blame his time in the army…..truth is he was this way before the army and before he ever went to war. He has ALWAYS been controlling and mean, the army actually kept some of that in check because he could face losing his career or position, now that he is retired…..he has become a monster.

@carnivoreRon

7 ай бұрын

The pain your son is experiencing is on you because you didn't leave. Life is tough. Get a helmet.

@txseaserpent

7 ай бұрын

@@carnivoreRon You sound just like my husband. Congrats. I bet you'd be friends.

@txseaserpent

7 ай бұрын

@@michellesimmons3150 I'm so so sorry. Hugs to you. Thank you for sharing. I never talk about this, especially in a public forum, but this episode of John's show hit home.

A lot of these conversations are keeping me single. Is anybody capable of empathy and being healthy? The wonder everybody's walking around here is so broken.

@racheltarentino3314

2 ай бұрын

Not many want to put in the hard work to be better and do better. They'd rather put their hurt and pain onto others

@nataliianezhynska5119

2 ай бұрын

I am happily married. Every time I listen to these episodes I tell my husband how awesome he is. Happy marriages exist. I am very surprised I ended up with one.

@annc.3908

2 ай бұрын

Date. Don’t be single. Just avoid marriage. And lower your expectations to a relationship being over in 2-5 years, and don’t lower yourself to make the relationship continue. You have to know when they aren’t salvageable. Like my experience we were married 3 months before I found the drug habit out- I had no previous experience with it and never realized he was doing that as it was blurred by me being in realty school, his ‘ear’ surgery…then I found it. The porn addiction and the heroin habit and my world crashed. Everything I knew was a lie. Then he was a different person for about a year getting adjusted on the meds. Then it was alcoholic I had to fight with for the next so far, 5-6 years. He even withdrawaled in ICU for 15 days and nearly died but only spent 6 months sober…I’ve never known the real him. It’s not my fault. I can’t fix what’s wrong with him and have never tried, I’ve just tried to show my support, encourage, ask for my needs to be met- which never are cause he can’t stand criticism and goes into a baby rage (runs in his male side of family) so I get to just die. Just leave when it’s not repairable. Run. Run hard, run fast. Take time alone, start again. Maybe one day you will locate a sane person who feels and they can be with you with NO legal documentation! Don’t marry.

@Abingdale

2 ай бұрын

Hey, remember confirmation bias! You’re only hearing difficult relationships because only difficult relationships call in. No reason for healthy relationships to call in 😊

@karinaz8756

2 ай бұрын

A lot of individuals ignore red flags and forge ahead thinking the person will change. I have boundaries and a non negotiables . Don’t compromise. I would rather be single than be trapped in an unhappy marriage .

What is said at the end about letting go: this is a recent discovery for me. I was trying to control the construct and that manifested in oppressive anxiety. I’ve been practicing letting go and, for me, that looks like this: “Lord, do with me as You will, for You know all things, and I am Yours.”

24:13 Run girl! A person like that does not want to change. They love to stay miserable and make everyone around them miserable.

For any person who grew up with any abuse and you are still single, look to get help now. I don't understand why, but we often end up in an abusive relationship. You will be Annie.

@beastshawnee

Ай бұрын

ooh not me! I shied away from marriage when young because I wanted an education and some skills and at the end if college every young woman was marrying her crappy Boyfriend or a near stranger. It was too much to bear. I could tell they would get divorced-no doubts on most of them! I stayed Marriage FREE and frankly now I feel like I won-like I dodged a bullet. I had a child at age 30 but didn’t want to marry a man-baby. Now she’s grown-and she sees no reason to marry either. I actually made sure she was open to the whole prospect. Until 2 years ago I was open to it if I ever met Mr Right- but now I believe that he doesn’t exist and while I love my many male friends- I have never met one I feel certain I could put up with for a marriage. My soul mate is a unicorn- fictional and elusive.

I’m surprised that John talked about God in this way. Good for him. Don’t worry about what will happen next. God’s got you.

@annkleindl3561

2 ай бұрын

I make sure to pray before I get out of bed. Makes me a better person.

Yes, John!! I love that you’re focusing on God! Without that, a non anxious life is impossible. Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace, He is the one that can bring the peace to our life. Thank you for having the courage to talk about these weighty things. I fully support it!

I'm just afraid that just because she tells him to leave doesn't mean he will do it. She can refuse to continue a discussion but she has no practical way to force him to leave.

@brightpage1020

7 ай бұрын

She doesn't have to force him. She can leave the room or the building and say, "let's talk more about this when you are willing to discuss it with me rationally, without cussing at me, please. I'll be back in 30 minutes.. " (or "an hour" or "tomorrow", or " you can call me when you chill off argument mode. Thanks.") Or she can make a polite request that he leave and if he chooses not to, she can call for backup. Her people or the cops...

@vaska1999

Ай бұрын

​@@brightpage1020🎯👍

The ending about choosing a non-anxious life and anchoring to God was so powerful. I have to re-surrender to Him all the time because I remove Him off of the throne of my heart and life and choosing my own way. Please do more of these sessions! Thank you!

Doc, you’re so friggin spot on

What happens when you have to take everything on due to your husband's issues from a TBI and NAION. He tries really hard, but at the end of the day, I always have to step up...even when I think he could do better. It is emotionally exhausting even when I know it isn't anyone's fault. I am just tired and discouraged.

@afterthestorm9355

Ай бұрын

It IS exhausting, whether it’s a partner, a parent, or a child. Please find something that feeds YOUR Soul. Please consider this!

We need to let God be our Father again. He longs to be and we try and fill the God sized hole in our hearts with everything but Him.

@Veracityseeker7

2 ай бұрын

Amen

@vaska1999

Ай бұрын

People who say these pious things never explain how it's done. God *is* our Creator, and if he sees himself as our father, too, then let him act a good father does.

@Lubby33152

Ай бұрын

Not sure how helpful this is. Sounds more like blaming ppl. Pretty judgmental.

My husband is like the second callers husband. We have two therapists and he still yells and calms me names

@brightpage1020

7 ай бұрын

Sounds like he has shown you what you are or are not worth - to him. The question is, are you worth the efforts it will take to change - to you? Not to change him necessarily. No one can force lasting positive change on anyone else's persona. Because the thing you might have to change includes whatever you are currently depending on him for. Can you depend on you for those? Or outsource them while you duck out of this relationship for a season?

@JaniNight

4 ай бұрын

RUN!

@Veracityseeker7

2 ай бұрын

What's stopping you from leaving?

@jangrosemartindale8740

2 ай бұрын

Dr. John’s catchphrase: Behavior is a language, what is the language telling you?”

@vaska1999

Ай бұрын

I think even God is telling by now that that your husband's not going to change, that miracle ain't gonna happen.

For the 2nd caller, try this: "What would you think of a man who talks to his wife and daughter the way you just spoke to us? Would you let him? How come you let you?" Or: "On my end, it feels humiliating to be spoken to like that. I can't imagine how it feels for a 10 year old. Can you?" Or maybe: "If you are willing to adjust that behavior, I'm willing to continue this relationship, which has way more good times in the past and great potential for the future because we love each other. The choice is up to you. I'll give you grace but I gotta see meaningful, lasting change or I'll make one in a new decision about the direction of our marriage. Are we clear?"

If I said this to my husband he would blow up in my face and scream at me threaten to go out and maybe just leave. The. He would blame it all on me.

@brightpage1020

7 ай бұрын

That sounds totally abusive. Are you getting qualified help to cope, or make an exit plan?

@rayneeley8592

7 ай бұрын

I. Sorry girl you are loved by Jesus d t forget

@vaska1999

Ай бұрын

This tells me that you know you should leave that emotionally and psychologically abusive man but, right now, prefer to be his victim.

@clouwho7675

11 күн бұрын

​@@vaska1999Wow some people don't make enough money to leave and live on their own in this economy. Have some compassion!!

@vaska1999

8 күн бұрын

@@clouwho7675 Leaving an abusive partner may be difficult but is very, very rarely impossible.

I don't think this man is going to leave for 30 days and how is she supposed to make him leave. It sounds like she is financially dependent on him as well. Sad situation.

@Angel42836

2 ай бұрын

I had that same problem me and the marriage counselor both told him that he needed to leave the house so that he can work on himself because he has issues that he needs to work on he refused to leave so I did it against his wishes and worked on getting a better paying job took out a loan to move out and I am struggling with it all but i was struggling with the same things with him but at least i am not having him complaining about everything that he thinks is my job to do. Also i sleep better and i can actually get things i want done

@lala5061

2 ай бұрын

​@@Angel42836yes ma'am I know exactly what u are talking about 🤗 at least u don't have someone standing over u while u tired working and doing the most because ubare a woman criticizing every single thought, decision and thing u do it makes it worse...good for u 👏🏽 im proud of u 😌

@Angel42836

2 ай бұрын

@lala5061 now he is paying me child support we got the divorce finalized and he hates the fact that I refuse to do all the things I used to do for him. I am so much better off without him

@vaska1999

Ай бұрын

You can call for backup: either your family, if they support you, or the police. The third option is to wait for him to leave for work and then have ALL of the locks (including the garage lock, if you have one) changed. L

@show_me_your_kitties

Ай бұрын

@@lala5061 amen!!

humiliating a person in public to shut them down and teach them to be quiet. Pick on the cooking - the center of a woman's life, so you can then turn around and yum yum over some other woman's cooking. I bet, if you look hard the same things husband is doing now he also did in the first 8 years, when child comes along, he is jealous of any mental and physical attention wife gives to anyone else, including the children, wife can't be the best mother b/c always ruminating over husband's issues and arguments -- all the attention needs to be on him, even the mental thoughts when he is away from home. Deny, blame/throw a pity party and be the victim, then withdrawal by leaving or being busy or giving silent treatment.

@debbielockhart7762

7 ай бұрын

Cooking is NOT the "center of a woman's life" lol. I'm a great cook, and I don't consider it to be even close to the center of my existence lolol. And if a guy I was with didn't like my cooking- no biggie. He can cook for himself.

@auemmjee

7 ай бұрын

​@@debbielockhart7762same...I love cooking but it's far from the center of my life 😂

@williambeast8665

3 ай бұрын

Nourishing and caring for your family should be the center of your life, these days the women’s lives center around self and social media unfortunately. They wanna be the top Human Resources bot instead of the best mother and wife😂

@lala5061

2 ай бұрын

Yeeessss 👏🏽 u must of been there too smh...this mess has got to stop it has to 😒 smh

Very good episode. Love the 6 rules. Im gonna listen to it over and over again.

Oh my word!! John Crist!! Yay! I cannot wait to hear this!!! Eeek

Your #6 point is very encouraging. This makes a lot of sense. Even though I believe in God I lost track of this understanding and get anxious thinking about the future of the world . So this believing thing is very encouraging.

The choosing belief segment really touched on a lot that I’ve been struggling with recently. Thank you

John, you are the master of the metaphor! And they are incredibly helpful for clarification. 🙏

My dad use to say "Nobody likes a critic".

I love and appreciate u Dr. Deloney ❤ u are saving lives for real and thanks to your wife allowing this time to benefit others God bless u guys...thank u 😊✌🏽

Deloney’s on fire, today. Nice work.

@dinajones2761

7 ай бұрын

He should take his own advice when it comes to his marriage

@brightpage1020

7 ай бұрын

@@dinajones2761 whoa, Deloney? What makes you say that?

@flashthecorgi2053

7 ай бұрын

@@brightpage1020yes!!! Delony’s amazing! ❤️

@theshunnedBandersnatch

7 ай бұрын

​@@brightpage1020 A lot of people were criticizing Sheila after the video she and John did together. Many called her abusive, bitter, mean etc. It got so bad they turned off the comments.

@brightpage1020

7 ай бұрын

@@theshunnedBandersnatch yeah that's the internet for you. I hope she has a thick skin. Lot of folks out there too busy criticizing to earn those levels of success.

Wow, Annie’s story mirrors mine, and I can honestly say I thought I was fine and could handle the BIG feelings, but I didn’t do it well because I wasn’t healed or whole, and I eventually lost myself in trying to run from or ignore the many ways I was being mistreated. Things ended badly, but I wish I’d paid attention to all of the numerous red flags early on-I saw them, but I was naive enough to think I could overcome them, but didn’t have the tools in my toolbox, nor the support to turn to. My heart and prayers go out to Annie. 🙏🏻♥️ There is hope and a bright future, but you must first get grounded in your identity and find help to do so!

2nd caller is me with the abuse though... so sad. Wish I could call in. Just that my life is more than an hour explanation

@pixiepianoplayer114

2 ай бұрын

Hate to say it...but same here. The slow poison that cripples you over years and years of them not be able to have adult conversations about... anything of import. The alienation, the isolation, the shame of being in a toxic co dependent relationship, the bread crumbs we devour eagerly, the self hate, the hopelessness, the masks we wear to bear the pain, the seemingly unheard prayers and pleading, the ("suu ee sidal" youtube bans the real word so I said it phonetically) ideation), the lack of real support and the lost years of life..snuffed out becasue we were abused by our parental units, and given the brain bath of " you are a waste of space" so we March rightt into relationships with people who are our unfinised business with our childhood trauma. God, breaking these cycles, standing up for ourselves, trying to get a foothold in who we are... sigh..HERCULEAN tasks indeed. Don't stop though, break thru somehow. I'm a stranger on the internet fighting along side you for your self worth and your new and brighter beginnings. Hold on hold on , fight for your being wholeheartedly, continue to educate yourself, find support somewhere, and don't let the evil, that is this type of spirit, win. Wishing all of us in dark places: light, love and value we deserve. Bless.

27:33 The one down position! I'm learning way too many things from this show. 😢

Caller #2 I have been and am right where you are be strong for your kids. I've had this conversation several times and counseling with him. It accomplished nothing, still plays the poor me act. Don't stay if this is the case with your husband. You and your kids deserve better.

Your perspective about criticism got me. Thank you for that Uh-huh moment. ❤ I have some work to do.

Please do follow ups if possible!

Powerful segment. Dr Deloney I can’t thank you enough that you decided to do this work 🩵. You out here helping us change our lives

Head towards the storm

@grilleFire

7 ай бұрын

Hi

Dr. John Delony, when you ask this of a wife, the husband is going to say "This is his house!", and she and the children need to go! I know. This has been the scenario for years and her strength doesn't matter, he is going to reign.

"daaaangg" 😂

Ahh the good old David Foster Wallace quote. Theists love to use it. Here's a nice rebuttal: Don't worship anything. Take everything for what it is. If you are beautiful, accept that and its ephemeral nature; if you are wise, embrace it while you can; if you are powerful, influence as you may and step aside when the young tire of your yoke and present a suitable replacement. But do not overvalue your worry, and do not misunderstand the price of magical thinking as being worth the trivial comfort it sometimes provides.

I hope #2 got out. Been there, done that. By far the hardest thing ive ever done. But it had to be my choice.

I am married to this exact same man 😞

Nope that conversation isn't happening with that abuser.

Also, all this advice is only good if the other person reaches back.

@marilyntill9507

Ай бұрын

Exactly!!!!!!!

Im not sure leaving is the answer. I left now i work All the Time and my kids are raising themselves just so we can stay afloat. I hear suggestions to leave and be a working single mom alot on here.

@JaniNight

4 ай бұрын

I understand how hard it is but you is it better to stay and be abused and for your children to see that and grow up traumatized?

@jangrosemartindale8740

2 ай бұрын

I left an abusive husband when our son was 5 years old. Best decision I ever made- our son did not grow up to be an abuser, which IS the pattern. I had family help. But, I worked to keep upping the level of my job to support our son, as child support was lacking. Thankfully, after divorce, I met & married a wonderful man. The Ex terminated his parental rights when I offered to drop/erase his accumulated child support. My son actually asked his Stepfather, my husband to adopt him, & let him take his name! OUR 43 yr old son worships the ground my husband walks on❤

@Elle44289

Ай бұрын

Staying there would do your children more damage. 😔

God first. Love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind & strength and love others as we love the Lord.

Exactly they become the victim!but they never to have a conversation like that without drama or anger, never.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

First caller needs to accept that he and his wife were sick people when they met. Sick people don’t make the best choices. They likely wouldn’t have got together if they didn’t share their addiction..drinking partners. Both are new to recovery and lots of work needs to be done. The primary focus needs to be getting well. It maybe that they discover they aren’t suited at all now that they’ve put the alcohol down.

Ok. Not sure what episode dr delony said something about pod casts or KZread videos that are about addiction... Anybody know what it was??

@flashthecorgi2053

7 ай бұрын

It’s going to be in an upcoming interview around the new year with John Christ. It’s a episode on his addiction, forgiveness, and redemption! John posted it on I G

@brendajohnson5378

7 ай бұрын

Don't know what he said but Put the Shovel Down on You Tube is a good one

It starts out as choosing to believe and as you get closer, you can really, really know 😊 peace has a name, his name is Jesus Christ 🙌🏼 🥰

Why do people marry children in adult bodies? I'll never understand it. Unless you have an arranged marriage or get married within the first week of knowing someone, you should be able to tell whether or not they have the capacity to think logically and have a respectful back and forth on serious topics prior to getting married. If the person across the table from me zones out, shuts off, can't listen or engage beyond the surface level "yep, uh huh, whatever you say" bullshit, it's never going to work.

Annie’s husband sounds like a regretful parent. He may not have wanted kids but had them anyway.

I cant un-hear the show with his wife.

@flashthecorgi2053

7 ай бұрын

Omg that’s in the past! Delony is happy in his own marriage! He literally started the show with “Sheila is the heartbeat behind the whole show” she’s obviously his biggest support system and has been with him through the good and the bad.

@flashthecorgi2053

7 ай бұрын

@@Jon-tt9bf last time I checked today is Nov 20th and the wife episode aired Nov 10th… that’s in the past!

@blah7694

7 ай бұрын

@@flashthecorgi2053 When I was younger I would really try to get to know the celebrities/famous people I liked and it would really mess with me if I found out something about them that I didn't like but now that I'm a bit older I've realised that everyone has faults and it doesn't hurt me as much. The truth is that we don't know everything that is going on in someone's life. I think I would be so wonderfully impressed if they acknowledged it in some way instead of pretending that it didn't happen and I can see maybe that will happen one day because John always walks into the storm. However, I thought that it would change how I felt about his advice and the show but actually I've found that I can still gain stuff from what's said even though I still think about the interview with his wife because how can you not when it was the 500th show. I don't know how many people have turned off since then but I don't know how often the team will look at the comments so I'm not sure if it's worth bringing it up on future videos but I can totally agree with others that it feels like cognitive dissonance when you listen to the interview and then future episodes are called things like "Are You Stuck in a Critical Marriage?". I'm sure they're probably getting more counselling and I hope they will ok but there's nothing I can do from thousands of miles away.

@GarrettKruse

7 ай бұрын

Same :/

@Trackpad12

7 ай бұрын

Grow up she said nothing for you to be in your feelings.

No, life is defined by pain and suffering, you must endure the misery. This is what God wants, trust me.

@rayneeley8592

7 ай бұрын

Yes have joy in the trials and tribulations. Can't wait for Jesus show up

best thing i ever did when the smoke cleared, find a good hobby.

@marilyntill9507

Ай бұрын

Good Comment. 😊

Dr I love you. You are stuck in a mean and extremely CRITICAL marriage on your miserable wife’s end

That non anxious piece was truly beautiful 👏👏👏👏👏

You made it too dramatic and you pushed her too hard John

Anchor into Jesus Christ! No other way, to God (aka a higher power) Oh and p.s he came to abolish religion ❤🎉

We are created to worship God. Dunno where I would be without Him. Jesus Christ! No use worshipping a false god.

I really wish people knew Muslim people have always had this peace, nothing new and it. I'm not talking about those Muslims that don't practice and ruin the name of Islam, I'm talking about a tiny tiny minority that actually research, learn and practice it... Don't get religion and politics and the media mixed up, what he's trying to teach Islam teaches a trillion times better and stronger, because it's really from God himself.

@JML542

Ай бұрын

Taqquiya much?

Aww, sweet woman. It's been 5 months but I hope you look back at this sometimes and I hope things are better. Im assuming he bulldozed you right out of that convo you were supposed to have. People who are like this have deeeep issues and Dr John isn't remembering that.. We cant wake people up from lifelong mental illness, attachment wounds or personality disorders with a "stern talk". My dad was like this guy. Demeaning to his wife, 4 daughters and 1 son. He would treat us terribly. We were all dumb and not loveable, in his eyes. He was just cruel and we had to walk on eggshells every single day of our childhood. A few times, he went on hunting trips over night. Those times are the best memories I have! A dark cloud would be lifted off the house and we felt pure peace, freedom and joy.. Not someone watching over us to demean us. If your husband has ever left overnight, I'm sure you know exactly what I mean.. It felt like a home where we were safe and could talk and laugh and let our guard down. My mom was a stay at home mom to 5 kids. He wouldn't let her work and she had no money of her own.. So she stayed. When I was 18, she finally left and yes, times have been really hard financially for her, but it was WORTH IT. That peace and freedom and close family being together feeling safe enough to enjoy eachother is worth financial struggle. This will stay with your kids. Every single one of us 5 kids have some serious trauma and grew to have serious self esteem issues, to put it mildly. Many got into addiction. Two of my siblings could never get his voice out of their heads calling them worthless losers. They've passed away. My only brother at only 22 years old and my sister at 40, leaving behind 2 kids of her own. They never were able to heal from that trauma. I have worked very hard to heal and life is still difficult but I'm doing good. My point is that nothing is more important than those kids and their emotional safety. These messages he gives them with every action and word he says will stay with them forever. You all deserve peace and I hope you get to the point where you hold you head up high and choose safety for all of you. It will be hard but you will find that it is WORTH It and you will wish you had left long ago., ❤

There are no Gods, their is only one God .

Use some of your money to invest in a third grade grammar book.

I am Elizabeth Marie Hawley. Thank you. Please send cash as this Will speed up your gains. It won't necessarily be MORE money, but it will be WAY FASTER!

This is a message to John Delony: As you become more prominent and influential please don’t forget that Dave Ramsey and that team is what helped lift you up to your current level. Don’t be like Anthony O’Neal and try to do it on your own. Money isn’t everything. Build this legacy with your team. You’ll do great going into the future.

@Mrs.LadeyBug

7 ай бұрын

I suspect Dave Ramsey has been an excellent financial advisor to Dr. Deloney. Why do you feel the need to infer that Dr. John is prioritizing money? Unless I’m really misreading it, it seems like an odd statement (is it gaslighting??). He IS doing great and he doesn’t need our unsolicited advice. He and his wife can build their own family legacy how they determine. I’ve noticed that he shows gratitude during the course of this show for the platform he has been provided with Ramsey Network. Also, he knows what boundaries and personal responsibility are… and it’s something that I have been learning from him by the example he has provided when he says things like “Our family chooses what we are doing for Christmas”, etc…

@shuppslife5140

7 ай бұрын

​@@Mrs.LadeyBug👏👏👏