Basically use your diagnosis to improve yourself, not excuse yourself 👌

A diagnosis starts a road map to healing. You can’t heal when you don’t even know where to start. We need to have more conversations about this especially in the dating arena. Secure people can’t Just give advice to insecure people, the same tools don’t work.

@lyndseygolden7546

Жыл бұрын

I believe I was secure but I’ve dated people with substance issues and that can really make someone’s attachment style shift with the anxieties that come up in relationship to those behavioral patterns blowing up. The ones with the worst substance were not the worst to date so I don’t think it can be said to just never date people with problems as I’m sure some one will try to tell me. But I’d sure like to know how to steer my own security. It’s difficult when some one else is at a low and you can’t just leave and you also just can’t do there work for them.

Is this Audrey? I really like hearing her input. She speaks with a lot of thought and is extremely mindful.

@user-vm9mt1mu3d

Жыл бұрын

Audrey is his wife?

@gingershock

Жыл бұрын

Why is their branding (cartoon) of two men? .. as I agree I love listening to her words

@sassenachdragon

11 ай бұрын

@@gingershockThe cartoon is of Matthew and his brother Stephen, she has just joined in recently.

I think people can change the attachment style, if they want and if they are dating the right person. Nothing is rigid and still. I agree it can be overwhelming. But everything is about communication between two people. When both of them are open-minded for this topic, both can change and relationship can become better for both...but if somebody use it for excuse how they behave, then is a problem. Because it shouldn't be used this way. This is knowledge for inner growth I think.

I love it when Audrey comes on the podcast. She is very honest and genuine.

@user-vm9mt1mu3d

Жыл бұрын

Is Audrey his wife?

@julia3061

Жыл бұрын

@@user-vm9mt1mu3d They are engaged to be married soon.

@rubyvillarubia3338

Жыл бұрын

❤️❤️❤️❤️

They're forgetting about the pros of each style which the book focuses on also. Anxious attachment styles also are capable of loving deeply once they feel reassurance and have someone who is strong enough to be there for you.

I've outgrown the anxious style through self-development and experiencing relationships over the years. And I've become extremely practical after going through the worst year of my adult life. I accept our culture's growing disconnected / distracted / divided nature. I've met wonderful new people over the last few years, but they haven't turned into close relationships, which really hurt, but it's a difficult time to create community when you're middle-aged. So I've made sure relationships don't have power over me, because I focus on being securely attached to myself. I'm still open to making closer friends or meeting a partner, I'm just not proactive right now. Humanity is more like a resource for me. People come and they may (or may not) go. That's fine - my #1 priority is building a self-sustaining life. And I'm grateful for the resources and the people who come and leave my life.

@klarajovanov5663

Жыл бұрын

I absolutely relate to this on such degree I think this is something I am currently embracing in my own life.

@forspartaaa2348

Жыл бұрын

My sister loved a guy soo much she one time asked him out and he rejected her but he told her that she really needs to improve herself to get on with him because admitably she was though i saw her going on dates with the wrong kind of guys for no reason apart from her friends telling those guys are cool and so she did what they said too it was horrible until she met the guy i was talking about at first he helped her grow her personality know how to live and everything else and then after he finally accepted her date and they have been married for a long time like whenever I call her she is busy with her family work and everything and she is Happy 😊 so like my advice to you is to improve yourself of course but to also know and judge guys and not do one night stands as woman have the power to pick a guy men don't even have that place so importantly girls should know that otherwise it will be bad

@UniqueDancerTay

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your comment. I agree and I can relate

I like Matthews input on how being diagnosed can become dangerous, it is so true. Thought will eventually become reality. I love how you carefully choose your words and take the time to express yourself Matthew. Thank you!

@arianamooon

Жыл бұрын

Should i sent my avoidant ex friend all these psych videos that apply to her 🤪

@EsseQuamVideriSe7en

6 ай бұрын

The best part about Attachment Theory is that you can change your style. If you learn your attachment style, even if it's mostly secure, and do nothing then you've really learned nothing.

I love when Audrey describes her feelings about a book she had read, I can relate to that as a woman too. Good point Matthew, because I have heard so many women how we struggle to change because we define ourselves in such or such way.

For me learning about my attachment style has led me to the path of healing. I’ve learned about the root of my anxious attachment, my core wounds, how to recognise my triggers, self-soothe and regulate my emotions, reprogram my thoughts and learn how to communicate my needs and boundaries effectively.

@pikapoka17

7 ай бұрын

I share the sentiment. It is as if I myself wrote the comment :)))

Now that I discovered I'm an anxious type, I only found out a month into a relationship with with a dismissive avoidant. Ghosted me, treated me like shit whilst blaming myself for being needy and wanting constant attention. She eventually stripped me of my spirit and almost my life. I pulled out and made considerable effort to better myself. Even if you are anxious, you have super powers others don't. Don't accept blame, you will never be enough for the wrong person. You're amazing. Love from the UK ❤️

I am disorganized and my partner is avoidant. Being in this relationship, the last nine months have actually taught me how to be more patient. Through his attachment I’ve learned more how to be secure. Instead of running, I chose to educate myself and have empathy for my partners struggle. It’s been a beautiful experience in the mess. ❤️

Mitigating one's behavior due to awareness seems to be the key in understanding everyone else's attachment styles .

I've been waiting for you to make more videos about attachment styles! I feel like this is one of the most important things to know when dating, and deserves a deeper dive on your channel

As someone who has spent a great deal of time trying to understand not only my attachment style but that of the men I have dated and have relationships with, I would like to add if I may. What I feel I hear you saying is that there is danger in throwing your hands up and saying this is just how I am, and I agree. That is a bit more of a victim mentality. The part of this video that kind of got to be a bit was the awareness portion. Yes, becoming aware of what your tendencies are is super helpful. However, your attachment style for the most part, is developed in early childhood. Obviously, relationships and traumas throughout life can affect that. The crux is that our subconscious is running the show so it has to go beyond just awareness to actually healing those inner wounds. And that requires some serious work. So “just be aware and choose differently” is a bit of a pick yourself up by the boot straps mentality in my mind which can bring some shame and frustration, which is equally dangerous and unhealthy. ‘Attached’ is a decent book, but there are many other resources that go much further in depth. I’m very happy to say that I have gone from having an Anxious Preoccupied style to a Secure style and am in a very healthy relationship. Learning about attachment, studying it and doing the work on myself has changed my life. Not just in my relationships but in all areas of my life. There are definitely other theories and different modalities that can be done for healing, and attachment theory was a fantastic place for me to start. So to make a long post even longer, ‘awareness’ without healing will not lead to permanent behavioral change in my opinion. Love you all!

Wow! I’m JUST learning about this very topic! I have to say, I have been following you for about 6 years now and the way your content has evolved has truly helped me on so many levels. I’m single again but this time I feel like I have a real toolbox. Thank you 🙏🏼

Your fiancée is very stunning and intelligent :) love this video!

I'm delighted to see you address this topic. I've read the book Attached and identified myself as anxiously attached in my most recent relationship. I agree wholeheartedly with Matthew. Ultimately, understanding your Attachment Style in relationships is a tool to understanding yourself and learning to effectively communicate with whoever you're in relationship with. They are also fluid and not set in stone, so not an excuse for bad behaviour, manipulation or ill-treatment of another or an excuse for accepting bad behaviour from another. Rather it is knowledge and understanding to help address unhealthy behaviour patterns and replace them with healthy, secure healthy methods of addressing effective communication to create better relationships, providing both parties are willing to learn and grow.

I absolutely loved this video. I think it is the best I have seen about attachment styles because it does not sugarcoat them. It is true we have the power to change. I started learning about attachment styles recently, I learned that in the past I used to be a fearful avoidant leaning more toward avoidant. One day I just decided I needed to grow and change to be able to have a happier healthier life. Now I am a secure person. All this I achieved without even knowing about attachment styles. So yes, we can all grow and change if we put the work. We all can do it!!!

Attachment styles are less about diagnosing, and more about learning how and why you show attachment so you can better communicate with your partner and keep a healthy relationship. The book goes pretty in depth about this. It also speaks much about how your attachment style can highly depend on your relationship with yourself and who you're with. I was very avoidant, now I'm kinda a mix of all, really depends on my mental health and the person I'm with. If he's being overly avoidant and I'm in a depressive episode, I can become really anxious. However, I still steer towards talking with him about it and it's never been about me, thus reassuring me. I can be anxiously avoidant because of past events which again can be helped, if not completely solved, with communication. Overall now, I'm more secure as I am confident in myself and ultimately will always chose to discuss what's bothering me rather than let it build up, as I've done in the past. This book is incredibly valuable and insightful with learning how to better communicate and understand yourself and others. I initially read it out of curiosity as I read most anything on psychology, but it ended up being pretty helpful.

I love this! I've been seeing SO many videos on attachment styles lately, I think the universe is trying to tell me something I haven't quite figured out about myself yet. Thanks so much for this video! 😊

@EsseQuamVideriSe7en

6 ай бұрын

Good luck on your journey. I know finding out my Attachment Style was one of the biggest relationship "aha moments" of my life.

Integrative attachment theory (by Thais Gibson - amazing person!) was a groundbreaking discovery for me 3 years ago. I kept struggling with my feelings of abandonment, anxiety and low self- esteem, trying so many things to overcome all this but failing. Upon discovering it, I got a new understanding of my life and my struggles and all this stimulated healing and reprogramming my subconscious mind. Without the latter I don't believe change would happen as the subconscious always overpowers the conscious efforts. I used to be an anxious preoccupied person; now I am secure with some anxious tendencies. I cannot stress enough how valuable this knowledge of attachment has been to me and what development it fired for me. So as Matthew says - it should not be an excuse for our misbehaviour, but it should raise awareness. I would add systematic reprogramming of the mind.

Thank you Matthew for that piece, the diagnosis should not be an excuse for our behavior choices. The diagnosis is a knowing, not our identity. There are discussions about doing the work and becoming secure.

Wow!!!! Great branch off of the masterclass! This was a concise summary and to end it with the acknowledgment of which style we commonly associated with in order to adjust our behavior to how we respond. Very awesome MH crew! Hey Audrey!

I can totally relate to what Matthew and Audrey were saying. I think we’re all responsible for self work and awareness of our own style. Not as an excuse for behavior but as a tool for self growth.

Lovely, thoughtful chat about slowing an unhealthy default reaction and consciously leaning towards healthier response options. Thank you, gang.

What a powerful message yet again that the heuresctics should not be an excuse but a kind of a self awareness to mitigate our behaviour 🙏❣️

I did attachment for my senior paper and how it effects children in the classroom. The good news is that our brains are not plastic. Any person can become secure. You need to go within and yes, process what has happened to you but then go in and become the parent or the best friend you always wanted for yourself

Not only does a diagnosis become an excuse for someone’s own behavior, it becomes an excuse for someone to accept another person’s abuse.

You are such a brilliant thinker Matthew!!!!

Such a good conversation ! Because there are so many nuances to this discussion I feel like I’ve been quite anxious during my first relationships, especially since my partner were really independent and sometimes a bit distant But in this new relationship I am in now, it was a bit different. He was a lot more affectionate than my exes were, so at first I was a bit distant/ avoidant because I was overwhelmed. Then I did the inner work and realised I was anxious to fall in love again, worried I didn’t deserve the person etc. So I think attachement styles are going to vary based on confidence and what happens in our relationship and we have to dig in to work on these feelings. But I think it’s also maybe quite normal to be little “stressed” about the relationship/ not taking the person for granted, so that you keep working on yourself and improving and working on the relationship too !

Matthew, acknowledge the thoughts, opinions & feelings your fiance expresses before moving on to your brother. She's sharing her heart. ❤️

Well, part of the problem lies in calling it a “style” (like it’s just a flare or a fashion choice) the clinical term is “attachment disorder”.

Your take on this Matthew and (I think) Matthew’s brother is pretty revealing. I can only speak for myself, but becoming aware of my tendency towards anxiousness in relationships has brought a great amount of self compassion and clarity. I am now finding creative ways to come into healthy relationship with myself, my trauma and therefore how I relate. It enables us to be responsible. The fact that your first ‘go to’ is to assume that a woman/ man will just use this as an excuse to continue their toxic behaviour says more about your expectations of relationship… rather than what the whole point of attachment theory really is (which is essentially about HEALING).

Thank you for making this video! I loved hearing everyone’s perspective. Can you make a video about the love languages and how that can affect a relationship? 😌

@lailamarie5620

Жыл бұрын

Yes please !!

@mrsimo7144

Жыл бұрын

Go look up the attachment foundation. It's worth the $30. Answered so many unanswered questions about myself. Go do it.

Excellent points! Also, love your hair, Matthew.

I love your videos, thank you for using this platform for good. I would like to just say that an attachment style isn't necessarily a diagnosis as BPD would be or even an anxiety disorder. It's more of a by product of our childhood environment and how we were given or modeled love or not given what we needed. It causes us to not feel safe and cope in self sabotaging ways. Knowing our attachment style should always take us to a place of awareness so we can know how to target what needs to heal and change to move us more towards being more secure. If anyone thinks that by knowing their attachment qualifies for them to stay that way, then they are missing out on Incredible healing to break generational cycles. I'm so glad my eyes have been open to myself and to see what beliefs I need to update as an adult. 🙏

I just wanted to say a huge Thank You,Matthew, Audrey,Steven and Jameson. It brought a few tears to my eyes as I found this topic to bring me so much enlightment in your words, for my current relationship. Keep up your excellent work! Much appreciation,truly. I know I'll be listening to this one a few times more,to let it really sink in and learn😁 Again,thank you. My new favorite podcast. That I've now recommended to my boyfriend and galpal. Enlightened girlfriend :)

I just have to say that even though there are so many people who talk about relationships, Matthew is my absolute favorite 🫶 I love the way he delivers his messages and what he says itself is so deep and insightful, far beyond the superficial level, which I think is the case in some other youtubers. I can just feel that he puts his heart into what he is doing. Your thoughts and words are smart, eye-opening, sometimes heart-warming. Sending you love and big Thank you 🧡

Thank you for posting this video. I really needed to hear that.

Exactly what I needed to hear. Going through my new dating potentials with these thoughts

So I agree with everything that you say Matthew. I probably take on all of those attachment styles as from a very young age from the age of five I was taken out of my home and put into a boarding school as being blind I was never allowed in mainstream schools. That’s how it worked in the UK in the 70s by the way. Anyway, as my childhood was quite disruptive and my boundaries were very blurred throughout my childhood. I was always in and out of relationships and not knowing where I was in relationships and being anxious and didn’t wanna be on my own. Anyway, now I am 55 and it took me till in my 40s and I started doing counselling courses and being very self aware of my own triggers that I have to be kind to myself when I feel those triggers come up for me. We all still have those times when we go back to default settings through things that happen in our lives. but it’s what we do with it. I don’t believe we ever get cured but we can accept where we are and find a way to love ourselves even more at those very vulnerable times. No, never make it an excuse in any relationship or in any situation. I would say I am a survivor not a victim. keep up the good work Matthew. I have to say though, I wish I could catch someone’s eye across a room however for me it’s all in the voice. Love to all of you XXX

Really enjoyed this chat 👌🏻

I really enjoy and benefit from your videos I’m on my self discovery time and I’m happy I’m at a mindset where I can accept I need to change my mindset I recently realized I self sabotages a relationship that I could see lasting. I’m glad I’m in a new state mind to heal myself emotionally mentally and physically I’m starting to realize a lot of things about myself and also how I’ve let my past be a tool in feeling like a victim your videos are very helpful I will start watching them more and more they are helpful thank you for all your efforts and empathy for everyone’s individual need to improve

omg Mathew, im so thankful for this video. I've been through a lot lately and it helps me so much! Now i know im that kind of person i need to do better, no excuse. i have to. Thank you :)

We need more content on the attachment styles 🥺🥺

I’ve never been in a relationship, but looking back on how I behaved with the person I fell in love with, I was definitely anxiously attached. To be fair, I might still be, though I’m working on that. It’s certainly no excuse not to do better.

Great Content! Loving it. Personal Development is one of the best things you can do for yourself - because, we as human beings, we’re supposed to embrace growth! So make sure you find your Purpose in life - whatever it might be, and work on it daily, and continue to make progress, because progress is - really the key to happiness. But don’t do it for any girl or guy, make sure you’re doing it for yourself - and just be happy! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips

Audrey is fu-ing awesome. Such depth and insight.

Anxious attachment style I see myself sabotaging relationships fearing rejection abandonment

It is also possible to be secure, and if you're with someone anxious or avoidant, you can be triggered. I am generally very confident and secure, but there have been times with certain people that I felt a switch. Don't let yourself get locked into believing you are only one thing. That is a roadmap to self-sabotage. Listen to the way you respond and adjust as you go. It can be done so that insecure attachment styles can co-exist with each other as well as with secure people.

Great video. I also recommend the episode on attachment styles from the Sex and Psychology podcast.

I was wondering whether securely attached people exist. Glad they really exist!

So eloquently spoken

Ive never heard of the book Attached, I can however recommend" The 5 love languages " by Gary Chapman ❤️

I can relate to this, fear that the person to leave you.

I really enjoy your videos they have been really helpful in my life

Eckhart Tolle , useful talk on attachments

Such a beautiful relationship Cheers

I’m a snippet of them all ✨I feel what I am depends on what’s going on and how someone makes me feel some people I’ve been secure some I’ve not some I’ve been avoidant and some I’ve been attached. I don’t feel I even fit one and If I do I’m not sure I know.

Looooved it 🙏🏼❤️❤️

The last guy I was seeing thought he had become open to seeing how his attachment styles affected his relationships. I think he used the book attached to become more avoidant, he used it like a how to guide and treated me very badly until I was able to pull myself away from him. Now he's gone, he's moved away and is probably doing it again to another woman. Now I'm just taking things slow, looking out for myself whilst being kind to others and hopefully one day when the time is right I'll find someone to go on adventures with ❤ I am safe with me.

And as you didn't mention. In the book there are tips how we can handle with our reactions related to attachment style. And that is important!

Well said M.H

Have a comment totally off topic...'Stephen!, you would suit two earrings!' Also I love all the honesty, sharing and vulnerability here

That is THE book on the topic...

After I saw lecture from Gabor Mate, I started to realize why there could be this fear of relationships, commitment e.c. I feel like I have never really felt authentic with people and in relationships there are so much presure to fulfill expectations of othere person, it's just going to kill you ,if you enter relationships inauthentic ,you are just going to kill you by commiting.

You are absolutely awesome¡! What you were saying is so true. Sometimes people have to look at there is a problem with themselves if they have depression or the anxiety but in the relationship if someone betrayed your trust that becomes an issue as well because they could be blaming the depression and anxiety and making it as it's due to the diagnosis they have. So I guess that would be the toxic person who would throw that in someone's face if they did betray their trust?

Well thats a great way u put it out

Such a good discussion.. And so right abt thin line between avoidant and selfish assholes cause I'm a mix of Anxious yet I love my own company so I know that I can be needy only in some moments yet I have met men who appear to get much more avoidant when I show my vulnerabilities as if I attract and it is becoming a pattern for me.. I just feel I choose emotionally unavailable men or men just are unavailable or uninteresting to me.. ...

Now I want to learn more about this because Idk what attachment style I am. Never thought about it.

I started reading the book Attached and here is why I stopped. I’ve had all attachment styles except the secure style in different relationships, and the reason for that is self confidence. When I felt my partner is better than me, I displayed the avoidant style so I don’t feel hurt if they decide to leave, and when I was considerably better, I became anxious cause I thought that this person is easy and if I lose them, that means I lost a challenge which wasn’t a challenge in the first place! I know that sounds weird and sorta narcissistic, but I’m still learning how to become secure in my style.

@iammorrissey

Жыл бұрын

Very interesting. I think the logic is reverse with women (or at least with me)

@MichelleMillerRealtor

Жыл бұрын

Check out Thais Gibson on KZread. I feel the book Attached did not go enough in depth about the Fearful Avoidant (also called disorganized or anxious-avoidant). She has very good strategies on how to show up for yourself and improve self esteem.

Great video. I like the different perspectives from all four of you. That is really helpful. I think that aspect of it being fluid is important to bring up. Because some people are not necessarily any of these attachment styles the majority of the time. Instead, different people can bring out different attachment styles in one person. For example, in the past, I was definitely more anxious. But I was also in relationships with people who it makes sense that I felt that way in those relationships. And once I did more work on myself, I found I was able to spend more time with myself and make more informed choices. And then I became a little too much on the avoidant side- or maybe anxious-avoidant. I find that different people can bring out that anxious attachment in me again, and other people bring out more of the secure attachment in me. Not to blame others, but my point is that I think we can show different attachment styles depending on who we are with or around. And that gives me big insights into whether the person in front of me is the right person for me, or where I am at at that time of my life.

Also it depends on our experiences in relationships. I had a long term relationship based in loyalty and trust but after we broke up I was avoidant and anxiety to get hurt again and I’m usually secure. I knew that before knowing all this theory… since I’ve read this book all it make sense looking at my childhood and my past. It’s has changed a lot my mind about relationship. 😊

Whoa ! I feel like guy with the disorganized attachment ! My mate is one, but I’m not gonna put it out there .

I agree with Matthew. 1) 4 attatchment styles we will call it a pie. 2) We can be a percentage of all 4 3) A secure style partner can actually become a little more anxious because of dismissive behaviour from their partner... Eg. She has many male friends including 2 ex boyfriends. 3) I know a lot of men would not be secure about that. She dismisses that insecurity uou may have and judge you ass a jealous or insecure mam Parrners are supposed to make each other feel securre are they not?

I had an extreme false start in life. Where I straight away created a surviving coping mechanism. I was given up for adoption. They told my parents from the get go that I might not be able to attach. Until in my early 30's I started to learn that I can trust humans and myself that I will be okay when I get hurt. I now live from love (again) instead of fear. Or am at least aware when I'm handling from fear. So grateful!

An attachment style isn’t a diagnosis, it’s a reflection of upbringing, our attachment to our primary caregivers. No one had mentioned this which is fairly surprising since this is fundamental. Therapy is extremely helpful for this. Understanding why we are the way we are can be healing and corrective. And please be careful talking about diagnoses. For some, it’s vitally important to well-being (I’m not talking about attachment styles here).

First time seeing Steven and Jamison after all these years!

The book does suggest that for for an anxious type you can act and feel more secure when with a secure person and obviously highly anxious with an Avoidant . It can be fluid . I totally relate to most aspects of being an Anxious Style. I don’t think Sorry Mathew is being as fair or understanding as He might be . I know He comes from a caring place , always . I try hard to watch my anxiety and keep things in perspective. I never use it as an excuse but a reason . It’s real and it’s not my fault , it causes a lot of hurt and sadness . Anxiety happens so fast it’s hard to to catch it . Its so easily triggered if I’m lied to ( even a small lie ) or don’t have some of my needs met , or the person is still on the fence after months and showing signs of only being partly into Me This can all happen with a secure person .

I WANT to do better. I’m just trying to work out how to be better

Pretty certain I have an anxious attachment style/abandonment issues. Just ended a situationship with an avoidant man. Honestly, it's a disaster. I've just started therapy to work on myself because whoever I find myself involved with, I don't want to be the problem.

Hi Matthew and others here that I have watched the video - how are you going? Attachment styles are so interesting arent they? Its definitely good to be aware of the different styles and the impact they can have on our relationships with others right?

32 & 26 married both virgins. It almost destroyed me as a man waiting for her. 19 yrs later worth it.

The tough thing about recognizing your attachment style and choosing to behave contrary to that (without actually addressing the root cause) is: what if you worry about something “irrationally” and you recognize that and choose not to act on those worries, but then coincidentally the thing you thought was irrational ends up being true? Such a scenario can seriously fuck someone up and make it evermore difficult to change. This is why when looking for long term, lasting benefits, the goal should be to rebuild your attachment style from the ground up. Oftentimes, this might mean foregoing people/relationships that have the potential to trigger your insecure attachment style - for a time - and leaning almost exclusively into those to whom you’re securely attached (family, friends, etc.). And then subsequently - with a more genuinely-secure attachment style achieved - venturing out to seek relationships with people who could realistically harm you. Trying to fix the symptoms without addressing the cause seems to be a bad way of going about it.

Hey Mathew Love the video I have a question Should one date and go for serious relationship when I don’t want to have kids yet or move into a new family Like I really love my life but I am constantly told to date people who I have no connection with just for the sake of dating Do address this in your podcasts or videos Regards

I tend to be a loner because I enjoy my own company. I don’t want to have to meet one’s needs because he can’t or won’t meet his own needs. I don’t like toxic needy!

Lol MKAY but how do we heal from it because I'm so done feeling this way.

Ive always tell my partner when Im "overthinking" and he's always reassured me and but I have a feeling that I shouldn't tell him every time Im overthinking because I know it can be exhausting to constantly reassure me.

@dr.jenniferma3914

Жыл бұрын

There's no reason to tell him every time. It's yours and yours alone to tackle.

They talk about these attachment styles like they are real mental health diagnoses and give people reasons to do bad. I feel like I've been given permission by the book Attached to ask important questions early on and tools to be assertive. I feel less anxious by the thought of meeting someone, because it is ok to state my needs and wants. I went from being reluctant to date again to looking forward to using the newly acquired tools.

This is interesting 🤔. I have had trauma in the past so I find i am triggered in the earlier stages of a relationship to be more anxious because I don't know where things are headed. Im self aware so I do use it as an excuse or act out. I just tend to worry a little and look for clues to give me an idea. I do not act based on feelings. I am still confident and know i will be fine no matter what. 😅

Can you make videos about more specific types? Like the dismissive avoidant, not just the generic avoidant as it has 2 types.

She's so mature 😍😍😍😍❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉

Is there a video of him explaining how he knew she was the one? I would love to know what it took for someone with this expertise to fall in love and knew she was the one.

True

The affinity for attachment styles is not enough; one has to look at the where attachment theory is about: how did you with your characteristics then attach with your mother. So even if one is avoidant or anxious in a relationship that isn't necessarily enough to say that's your style. What would be interesting is that as Matthew and Stephen are from the same family is if they feel they had different connections of attachment to their mother. In the experiments, they watched children respond when a mother left them for a period of time and then how the child reacted upon return. Have these men considered this relationship with their mother and therefore how they relate going forward? Not just how the basically respond. The key to having the knowledge of your style is not to use as an excuse but to understand oneself and move to learn how to adapt to that response in a way that works to one's benefit to benefit the relationship not to justify poor reactivity. Without that knowledge you may not know how to do that

I toggle between avoidant and anxious attachment styles. Most of the time it's avoidant, no one is getting near me, but if someone does, eventually I start to smother them and over think and freak out. (And then he ends up breaking my heart and choosing someone else anyway). My point is, I don't like dating. 🤣😂🤣😂 and can I just build my own boyfriend? I'm tired of waiting for another disappointment. 🤷‍♀️🤔😏😊

Wish I would have known this years ago

Mr. Hussey are you changing the format of your show towards a conversational panel sort of format?

Attachment styles have many variables, besides not everything is black or white, everything is percentage, and you change depending on your partner, current situation, etc. So, as a Neuropsychologist, I recommend that you stop trying to do the work of professionals prepared to help you and stop self-diagnosing and talk with a professional, And please refrain from saying that I say this to win patients because fortunately I can work pro bono and I have enough people with whom I can contribute to their lives.🙏🏻😊