This is such an accurate description of the pain of longing for relief from the very source of trauma. You deserve a lot of followers and I hope this channel gets more exposure. Thank you

Nothing nothing will make it stop until you walk away that's the hardest part

The good in that first romantic abusive relationship was actually just you recognizing the goodness in YOU. ❤

This girl I met at the gas station simply acknowledged me and asked a few questions about me...she was beautiful to me and I fell absolutely head over heels in love with her. She had me in tears as I walked out one night just by saying nice to see you. After years of constant trauma and mental and emotional abuse...being treated like I mattered was heavenly.

Yes so much this I actually spent two years vomiting and diarrhea trying to get rid of all the poison of three decades of this sbuse

Thinking back that I wasted my precious energy & time with that individual when the “reward” was enduring pain from the aftermath and the sheer amount of time allotted to overcome suffering. No contact and No unhappiness forever. 🌸

Never seen a video that describes every single thing I’m feeling together. I’m glad to know it ends because I’m still at the bottom of that ocean and I hope I don’t lose it

All the pain you suffered in the abusive relationship seems to be a powerful ingredient to what you are today. Thank you for sharing the jewel that has cost you so much suffering to cultivate.

It's been almost two years for me, and I'm still not quite myself.

I feel like I grew up as an orphan due to being ripped away from my mother by my sociopathic father at the age of 4... I can't imagine what my little brother felt, and is probably still feeling today. I prayed for him this morning for the first time in nearly 15 yrs. T Strange things like this keep creeping into my subconscious at different times for different reasons regarding certain spirits.... It's very, very strange. I take it 1 day at a time. I can relate to everything you feel. I can't count the times I've felt that suicide was my only option to escape this evil corruption we are forced to deal with every day..... Amen Hallelujah 🙌, keep doing what you do!!! You rock!!! Never tolerate bullshit for the sake of being afraid to be alone. Being alone, I still don't feel alone at all, I work with the public at work 10 hours a day, and there's no drama when I come home.... its a beautiful thing to really just come home to your own place, with zero drama, zero turmoil,zero bs.... YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR SHIP!!! it feels scary at first, but now I feel like, I'M AT SEA, I DONT PLOT A COURSE,I CAN SAIL WHEREVER I WANT, I DONT HAVE TO CARE WHAT OTHER PIRATES THINK..... it's like standing on quicksand and not sinking.... it's an adjustment but the best you'll ever know!!! 😊

I hesitated listening to this because I knew it would be a familiar story of pstd. So many similar feelings. Then I realized, these are all totally normal reactions to emeshment with someone in the Cluster b range. The sensation of being figuratively held under water, locked in a smoke filled room...then your threshold of enough is enough is reached. The day you realize what in hell is so attractive about someone making you sick. Literally draining your life essence. Then there's the moment your done with it. You learn how trickery and manipulation had you under a spell. Congrats to us all, we are human. Never again is the earned Master Degree. It's not thinking you won't make a mistake again, it's recognizing it well ahead of an emotional cost. It is a matter of anyone and everyone placing their worth on an equal level as anyone. We,ll never miss those signs again. This ultimately, after hesitation, is one if the most encouraging videos I've ever saw. And I've seen more than I care to admit. But now it's a different mission. Bright sunshine is now illuminating life. Everyone can get there.

@LookingBehindtheMirror

2 жыл бұрын

I’m glad it was helpful! Thanks for your input.

I can relate with the frustration of pleading with this person to treat you humanely. We shouldn't have to explain to a grown adult basic human decency towards each other. Just discovered your videos and so appreciate your vulnerability and authenticity.

Wow, is like I’m hearing my self. Shocking but real! That was trauma bond and I’m feeling better now. I’m two month’s Narc sober 😊 and keeping up. Thank you!!

It is exactly how I'm feeling.. trauma bond,one sided conversation rewriting text over and over,I'm in an ocean of pain,but I'm trying get over it

Yes! The searing stomach churn. The intermittent reinforcement, the breadcrumbing, the writing you texts and leaving you mid-conversation for hours on end, leaving you wondering. The whereabouts games. Especially that! The constant rumination that the narcissist creates in their victims by all their dis-regulated, cruel behavior.

*Oh my God*. The level of suffer that thoso evil demonic narcissists provoke is horrific😢. Jesus!!!!!

Thank you for elucidating so much of this. I have had no idea how to explain the contradictions… When you said “I was hoping he was around the corner, but also afraid he was around the corner…” Yeah. That’s it. And the constant ruminating over how to “say things the right way” to “get through to them”… consumed almost every waking moment of my life back then. And, I’m so glad to hear you’ve gotten through it and are feeling good 😊

Yes the feeling of being eaten alive or stung by millions of bees or being disemboweled

There is something I really like in how you typically present your material…it’s really good information…but THIS video…THIS particular video is excellent. My painful experience was very parallel to the depth of what you felt. Thank you for sharing this and all of your wisdom. This was very helpful

The only way out is through. And once you are on the other side, you will have unbelievable healthy boundaries

your resilience was a blessing and a curse. Thanks for being here!

Thank you so much, this video is super helpful. "Commit to reality" is especially spot on, it really comes down to that in the end. In a world that often gets by on lots of illusion these days, it's especially hard to do that and especially important. I'm so sorry you went through what you have. I very much relate. Being stalked has extended the pain for me for sure and that's a big reason that they do it. Thanks again :).

The rare moments of niceness are called bread crumbing

Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ you are very courageous and you give hope to so many. I am so happy that you are here.

@LookingBehindtheMirror

2 жыл бұрын

That’s so nice. Thank you. And thanks for watching.

Sadly, my sister died 😞. Thanks. Help those you can.

As always, you hit the nail on the head squarely! I swear, you have watched my life story with my ex and are giving an introspective perspective on everything you saw. His new supply has no idea, but he WILL destroy her. He has already started the process behind her back, and she has no idea. Poor woman.😢

😭 i m doing art therapy, and also walk breath pure air and listen to music works a lot. Im taking two different psychological therapy. The pain is so hard. I want to thank you for give us hope, i fell i cant keep going most of the days, but i know i have to through this away as i go 💚 Thank you!!!!

I can hear the pain in your voice, still. I’m glad you are doing so much better and channelling your energy to help others. I know your pain as well. You have helped me.

Honestly, this is the most accurate, non clinical explanation of the brutal experience of purging a Narcissist that you once loved. I actually also grieved losing such a big part of myself, and the ability to love so purely. Its unfortunately dead in my now. Im living a relatively happy life but I will not ever give to someone again the way I did in that relationship. I just can't. Great content. I dont rely on videos to heal any more. But you came up in the algo and I do enjoy your content.

But I was ever so much younger then...

exactly how i felt-but time did heal me-im a much better person, after the pain,then the healing brought me to a better, stronger me -anyone going thru this pain now, have faith in you,i promise, you will 100% get thru this, you will be you again, and look back- and thank god you escaped that person. you will even pity them, as they can never heal- you can and will!

Another very important video. I was also so chocked at how much it hurt after the relationship ended. Under the relationship I kinda new that it wasnt working but I was in such denial. Even though I logically knew this behaviour and her ways was so unbearable at times to live with. I was so addicted to the relationship, her love and affection which was sprinkled at me during the duration of our relationship. So after I was in just what you describe so well. In pain all the time. The rumination is just the worst.. its constant. I would go over the relationship over and over again. Thinking about all the details and everything. Also making up conversations in my head. All the while I was fighting for my sanity and life almost. She was moving on within seconds without a care in the world. That alone would f#€% with my head to accept, understand and just live with. I am so sorry you went through this experience. I wish someone would have came up to you at one of those moments ruminating at the gasstation pumping gas in your car. Telling you everything is going to be okay. But even more impressive you picked yourself up. Even though through therapy. You chose that for yourself. Which is strenght and courage in my eyes. I can fully understand that people lose their will to live because of this. Or even end their life. Thank you dear. Its amazing to me that a total stranger can help me heal. Goes to show how powerful empathy really is. ❤

I really appreciate how calm, articulate, reflective and specific you are. You have a great mind. Thank you for sharing examples of correcting the conditioning and distorted reasoning this type of abuse leaves us in. Thank you for collecting your thoughts from your experiences so we can learn from what you went through.

Your discernment about your recovery path is so inspiring. Thanks for sharing. Your videos have really helped me break through to the other side of the pain, along with my work in my own therapy. I'm so grateful!

15:07 the delight in your pain it’s called shaddenfreude

Same here.... still so very painful, all the hopes of a mutual future, all efforts, and sufferings, understanding and bearing his egoistic behavior and cruelty, all gone fruitless......

I think when you speak of “losing the source of our euphoria” it ironically also makes me realize that narcs are chasing a feeling of euphoria as well… only that them losing euphoria from a quote “painful” time in between the good times is usually them being held accountable or called out. I see it as a euphoria of validation they’re always chasing, even and especially in new or alternative supplies. It’s not always a bad thing to be “the only one in [the narcs] life that [they] argue with like this”. It’s like yeah, cuz all these people you triangulate me with are all your drug dealers, metaphorically (or, literally. 🤷🏽‍♀️.)

"But with every jeep I see My broken heart still skips a beat I guess it's just my stupid luck That all of Boston drives the same black, fucking truck" - "The Jeep Song, Dresden Dolls

You are a super empath. I don’t mean to patronize you. You just are what you are. You experienced what you thought was the one person for your life but you found out that no matter what’s right or wrong , this person and experience was not good for you mentally and physically and that it was actually hurting and would’ve ended up destroying you. I know the pain of the recovery and the strength it took to come back because I went through it too.

Intermittent reinforcement, after months of love bombing to get you hooked, will make anyone crazy. Anyone, even animals. Our brains want that dopamine hit, and will always remember it. Know, that this is what is going on, that your brain has been tricked, into a trauma bond. Despite, any pain or loss, you want to go back for the good times.

"If you could just be a little bit nicer then none of this has to happen" really resonates. I left the door open when I filed for divorce. "If you would like to work on yourself and show some serious improvement then I would really like to continue" , was my message. Two weeks has passed and she shows no interest.

this is so relatable. ugh ❤️ty so much

Thank you 1000x for taking this step and posting. You give an impossibly rich and intimate and wholly accurate portrayal -- of what are battering and confusing emotional turmoils following these very specific primally destructive relationships. I've watched countless hours of content, yours and others' - but this one helps so deeply. Because this level of pain and the certain losses and griefs are scathingly lonely. No one seems at all to relate. So one is very much alone in what feels like a cauldron of endless rings of hell in an emo dungeon. One thing that saved me through three+ years of this similar severe, constant pain - and sadistically going back to try and reconcile - was regular and intense fitness. Multi-variant, vigorous, daily. And, creativity. I'm a writer and public media artist, and those daily practices also allowed me to steadily regain and re-appreciate my skills, ego strength and identity. Which feel totally destroyed, napalmed. Crushed. Shattered. Beaten. Lost. Your work is and has been monumentally healing and supportive. It's plain-spoken, direct, strong, articulate, real, and honest. Thank you. Much respect.

You're great. Amazing videos and resources. I spent 9 years in Thailand studying Buddhism and it helped a lot. Good for you and everything you do.

Thank you very much... Very much needed ... !! God bless

I love your analogies:) I am also an expert at analogies having spent years trying to explain things to someone who was actively trying to not understand

thank you so much - totally resonate with this vid - am still at the bottom of the ocean after 3 years of narc abuse - 2 days of no contact and it is overwhelming - been married 3 times but never experienced this incredible intensity of pain before - need to find the rope to hold on to lots of love and appreciation from australia x

I'M A CAT MOTHER TOO, HE IS BEAUTIFUL!

This is another very powerful video. Thank you so much. Your videos have been helping me so much!

I found listening to many videos helped so much more than therapy. I didn't get anything out of therapy except loss of income . My friends who also have issues are better than therapists and cheaper. the videos created a safe dressing room where i could put on my big person pants and hear good words. safety is vital. Going forward with good people is vital. Knowing good from bad people is vital. any thoughts?

@LookingBehindtheMirror

Жыл бұрын

I was helped a lot by a therapist, but I was also harmed by another one. The good ones can be worth every penny, but I know how awful some can be. It’s too bad it can’t be more of a sure thing, but I do believe in the value of what professionals are trained to do. I think at the end of the day, you have to learn to trust yourself and walk away from anyone or anything that is not conducive to your personal healing journey.

I am sorry that happened to you. I agree, it's awful. In my case, an amputation would have less painful....

For me it’s also a huge fear of what life will be like because I was dependent on him and haven’t worked for 10 years and don’t really know how to live on my own at all. I know it will all work out in the end but right now i don’t feel capable. even though im glad to be free of him im scared to leave this home and truly end the financial support. I have pets who depend on me and i just feel so so stupid and scared.

this is so good and so real. you tried to put it into words and it's enough... it's beautiful thank you

I was doing couples therapy we had the intial visit over zoom then the following week one on one session between us both. During my session i was sitting there explaining myself where i had been messing up and the therapist understood me. I had to take a step back like you understand me? And she said something that stuck.... she told me she has to meet you half way it is not all on you. It felt so good to be heard. The week leading up to that someone on the train just out the blue told me i was handsome i told the therapist about that like the shit brightened my day i would never hear anything good from this woman always critcism, in constantly trying to get her approval even in our vlast therapy session when she was going off on me i just sat there soft spoken and told her like i always feel like i owe you. We lasted 3 sessions hearing her talk to me the way she did while in front of someone else pretty much did it. I look back on the session and her not being able acknowledge my feelings, i didn't like her yelling at me, in front of therapist and when she pointed it out she just rolled her eyes. I been playing this back the last 3 weeks now like your videos really get me through the day because the stuff you talk about i swear i have lived it the last 5 years smh. Thank you for this.

Thank you!

I am so glad that you are happy again,I had a narcissist partner and now my son how was really damaged is now in a narcissist relationship and she isolated him from his family so history is repited

You´re so strong at wise and beautiful, and with such an open and warm heart. Thank for al that you share of you and your narcissisme- insight

This is a great video. Really describes the aftermath and the relationship and the healing process. The video really helped me. Thank you

Thank you so much for this topic....what you said is giving me hope and strengh❤

What does a narc relation sh*t take from you? Your illusions. (my personal take)

This, this! 🙌🏻. The title and picture on this video. I have felt this. I think of Jesus and that he must have felt this pain times infinity and that makes me love Him more.

This resonated. Thank you ❤

thank you so much 🌿🕊

You are soooo right!

Great analogies. The grief is overwhelming. Thanks for sharing.

I wish every narc, especially covert ones would wear a warning sign for necklace... so they wouldn't suck other people's time

Thank you 🙏🙏🙏

They leave you with no closure at all. Also the trauma bond is harder to break than a heroin addiction

It is hard to get over, for me anyway, because I could not think people would act that way. It was so hurtful and confusing. So many questions unanswered, biggest is why????? What was the point of faking a relationship?

@LookingBehindtheMirror

2 жыл бұрын

They get lots of things out of relationships (support, feeling of importance, someone to control…) It’s just not the things that most people are in relationships for (companionship, love…)

It can’t just be to do with trauma as my ex was constantly gas lighting me devaluing me and then love bombing me and now in lengthy silent treatment that’s lasted months with frequent triangulation. There’s women i know who’ve retired as prostitutes servicing 8 men a day at one point, and they’re in long term relationships with their boyfriends still and aren’t constantly flying off the handle at him for the smallest of things or that they weren’t properly acknowledged in a clothing decision that should have been ultra personalised to them. Having now experienced a relationship with a female narcissist i can see why it really is soo traumatic with the nice love bombing stage and the intermittent devaluations before discard which in my case is framed as a reverse discard just because i went home after a circular argument and silent treatment. Each cycle(twice) has become progressively worse shorter love bombing and longer discard which may well be permanent.

@LookingBehindtheMirror

Жыл бұрын

I think we all have our own unique responses to trauma and I think we can be traumatized by things that maybe wouldn’t traumatize someone else. I believe one child might become a narcissist as the result of exactly the same childhood upbringing (not that that is possible) as a child that might adapt in a completely different way.

9:44 fantasy is exactly what it is and you must break free of this “shared fantasy “ as Richard Grannon and Sam vaknin explain or you will be stuck forever

Thank you for your videos, they're so good. Jesus Christ, His power and love heals.

2:44 intermittent reinforcement. Same reason people get addicted to a slot machine. Literally.

❤❤❤❤❤

Whatever happenwd to your ex? Did u witness their collapse? Hear from next supply? Does he know u have a great channel?

13:44 I can relate, except it's my mother.. I sort of hope she'll come visit, but I know she won't because she is destroying herself to play ubervictim and blames me for everything... and I thought it was all true, for FORTY FUCKING YEARS.... :(((((((

Whatever happened to her ex?

It s all for entertainment purposes 😂