The Awesome Coffee Club is almost sold out (for now)! Great coffee, 100% of profits to charity. Learn more and subscribe: awesomecoffeeclub.com -John

@Yesyourfaceshari

2 жыл бұрын

I call it the benefit of the doubt. I think it is real important and talk to my kids about it.

@samplesandtests

2 жыл бұрын

looking forward to my subscription

John... ending the video with "Hank of Green, I'll see you on Friday" was RIGHT THERE

@untappedinkwell

2 жыл бұрын

ahhhhhh missed opportunity for sure!

@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721

2 жыл бұрын

+

@user-th3tg4fb5g

2 жыл бұрын

+

@paperheartzz

2 жыл бұрын

+

@AngDevigne

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations! You won the comment section 😂

The wisest thing my brother ever said to me: "If someone cuts you off in traffic, assume they are having explosive diarrhea ."

@MexicanAndaJew

2 жыл бұрын

Best

@christinameneses

2 жыл бұрын

😂My go-to is "assume someone is giving birth in the backseat."

@ravenofroses

2 жыл бұрын

when someone is driving terribly near me, i always try to imagine it's because of something very silly, like an intense need to pee or attempting to discreetly unpick a wedgie. it's maybe a little mean-spirited, but less stressful than getting mad about it.

@LeelaHammTheBlindian

2 жыл бұрын

Omgg ever since I was little i would say “they probably have a preganant wife in the car that needs to get at the hospital” because my parents were very impatient with road rage I hated.

@heypookeybearitisi

2 жыл бұрын

@@LeelaHammTheBlindianTHIS IS WHAT I DID ALL THE TIME AS A KID. Glad to know I'm not the only one!

I saw h of g, and I was like oh no here we go with composite functions Edit: not calculus

@itisdevonly

2 жыл бұрын

That's where my mind went too!

@osirisapex7483

2 жыл бұрын

Heart of gold

@adrienanderson7439

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I was thinking groups since H of G could be interpreted as H is a subgroup of G. Although, I dont know why I would immediately think that John was gonna talk about abstract algebra. Everyone comes to the discussion with a different initial impression based on there own expirences I guess. I might be rambling, have a good day.

@firebrain2991

2 жыл бұрын

@@adrienanderson7439 My mind was also on group theory, especially as I've been self-studying representation theory

@ashenbreese

2 жыл бұрын

i think this comment wins!

I had no idea there was a more formal term for this! My mom introduced the H of G concept ages ago as what I call the Pot of Beans principle. Whenever someone was driving way more slowly than seemed necessary, to the point of annoyance, she would remind herself of the time that a friend was driving to a party with a super-full pot of baked beans in the passenger footwell, and had to drive extra cautiously to not spill. Whenever myself or a sibling was irritated by someone's behavior that seemed irrational or inconsiderate, she'd remind us that "Maybe they have a pot of baked beans." Now, if it's a situation I genuinely am helpless to change, sometimes I make it a challenge to think of the wildest reason somebody could be behaving oddly (conspiracies involving toucans are good). In the short term, it helps keep my mind off the inconvenience, and in the long term, it gets easier to practice empathy when you're not otherwise inclined. It's good exercise.

@hayley6767

2 жыл бұрын

What a fantastic mom you have. I'm going to try to employ this idea in traffic this week :)

@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721

2 жыл бұрын

the P of B.

@harmonicaveronica

2 жыл бұрын

I've driven with 3 tier wedding cakes in the back of a car on many many occasions! It's something that requires driving very carefully with super slow turns. I have a lot of patience for people driving slowly. I struggle to have patience for people who do the opposite and are weaving and speeding, because it's dangerous

@ClaireF_

2 жыл бұрын

I love this so much!

@TheNicolexoxo

2 жыл бұрын

I love this so much

Sometimes, I forget to apply the h of g to myself, which usually means I won’t apply it to others. Thank you for this John.

@rachelpayne78

2 жыл бұрын

yes

@morebirdsandroses

Жыл бұрын

Wow, you said a lot there🦋🏵️

Lol, I’m in Divinity school and am doing my dissertation on hermeneutics. This encapsulates exactly how I feel and what I’ve been trying to explain to people, in contrast to a hermeneutics of suspicion!

@catherinecase1142

2 жыл бұрын

An H of S is such a miserable way to live!

@SevenHunnid

2 жыл бұрын

I’m just a young humble stoner from the hood & i review weed products on my KZread channel lol to be productive 🙏

@manders76

2 жыл бұрын

Also in divinity school and one of my teachers talked about a hermeneutic of abundance--it's hard to have an h of g if you believe resources/love/whatever are scarce and therefore you (and others) have to earn them instead of just receiving them because you're a human being

@ericagoehring1089

2 жыл бұрын

I love that John used the word "hermeneuted." I totally get it!

@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721

2 жыл бұрын

@@ericagoehring1089 The way you hermeneut is very important.

And the H of G isn’t just something you do out of kindness for other people. When I can employ the H of G (which is not all the time!), it’s much easier to feel happy and hopeful myself.

@GM-pn2bi

2 жыл бұрын

For those of us that are poor, how we feel about things is largely irrelevant. We're still getting completely screwed over by the system. Doing things to help people also makes you feel more hopefully, and has the added benefit of actually doing something.

@catherinecase1142

2 жыл бұрын

G M, thanks for this response. I completely agree that no amount of reframing changes the fact that injustice exists (and that we should work to correct it). For small inconveniences like waiting in a checkout line, I think H of G can make us happier. For more important issues, it may change the way we approach conversations and advocacy, but if it makes us complacent, then we’ve missed the point.

@Efflorescentey

2 жыл бұрын

I’d love to know how, it just makes me feel hopeless. The fact that all these people are being let down and there is so much that could be done that people in power consistently fail to improve upon

@foxylovelace2679

2 жыл бұрын

Someone once said [highly paraphrased] forgiveness is not something you give to another person. It's something you give to yourself. I think she was a survivor of the Mengele twin experiments.

_"Are you okay?"_ is my favorite response when a stranger yells, acts out, or insults me angrily. _"You seem deeply upset about this, more than I would've thought. Are you okay?"_ instead of yelling back or defending my stance or escalating the situation, this simple question - not always but often - gives them a brief moment of introspection. And sometimes that's enough to de-escalate the situation. I suppose this is an H of G, of a sort.

@morebirdsandroses

Жыл бұрын

I don't know, but that seems rather genius to me. Thanks!😸🦋

This reminds me of what Matt colville says “imagine people complexly” I think it goes in the same spirit of H of G

@EcceJack

2 жыл бұрын

I've learned that phrase ("imagine people complexly") from Hank and John :) I suppose this is a more... directed/specific application of similar reasoning/reminders of how things work

@SockimusPrime

2 жыл бұрын

Matt is a big fan of the vlogbrothers, and I'm pretty sure he got it from them, so it's all come full circle, really!

@SamBellows

2 жыл бұрын

may have come from vlog brothers "Changing our Business a bit" from October 7, 2016, Hank attributed that quote to John. :D

@kmbehrens14

2 жыл бұрын

It’s why their company is called Complexly. 🙂

Says a lot about John's thought processes that "rumination" popped into his brain within a second of the query. Big mood.

@andreachristenson7069

2 жыл бұрын

Meanwhile my first response to that question was “sneeze.” 😅

@lonestarr1490

2 жыл бұрын

@@andreachristenson7069 Nah, I wouldn't say that. At least to me sneezing can come pretty hard from time to time. Like, you have the feeling you have to sneeze, but, for some incomprehensible reason, you find yourself unable to do so.

@hibiscusman

2 жыл бұрын

@@lonestarr1490 being unable to sneeze when you need to - the human condition

@KuroshitsujiAndMe

2 жыл бұрын

@@andreachristenson7069 sneezing is not normal!!!!!

@TilmanBaumann

2 жыл бұрын

rumination is real hard and disgusting without the specialised digestive tract of a ruminate

I'm a preschool teacher and sometimes it can feel like my whole day is reminding the children to be kind to one another, to take a moment to think before they react, to see if a kind word would work as well or even better than whacking the offending party; but they're children and they're learning and there's so much joy when they try kindness and end up friends. It can be even more depressing when I leave work and see the exact same rush to be offended in the grown-ups around me. Then I come here and I remember that I'm not alone. I belong to a community that strives together and reminds each other to not forget to be awesome. Thanks Nerdfighteria!

@sanchitagolder

2 жыл бұрын

i’m going to cry, goodnight 🥺😭🤍

@dylangergutierrez

Жыл бұрын

That's good work you're doing. Not only are you reminding them, you're teaching and reinforcing those things to people who are extremely malleable and receptive to that message, and while I'm sure it's exhausting for you to have to repeat it, that constant gentle reinforcement will pay dividends in each of those children's lives down the line. You're encouraging these kids to become the kind of adult you would like to be surrounded by.

The 'H of G'!!!! I learned something new. 💫 THANK YOU!

@saritacheeks

2 жыл бұрын

Samesies!!!

@ToyKeeper

2 жыл бұрын

Also known as the principle of charity -- interpreting what people say and do in the most favorable way you can think of... seeking the strongest, most coherent version of the arguments other people make. It's the opposite of a strawman fallacy. And it's absolutely required, to have any meaningful communication about complex or divisive topics.

1:37 reminded me of Hank's song from 2007: Hello evil lady At the grocery store It seems that you don't know What the express lane is for It says twelve items or less But you're exempt from that I guess And you started an argument about coupons (I'm Going to Kill You, 2007)

tell me why i read "an hank of green"

@rachelmcnally8144

2 жыл бұрын

++

my brain: the Hank of Green

Yes! The myopic scope of the social internet makes generosity a difficult thing to give on the day to day. But it's so, so, so important to remember that behind each comment, video, tik tok, and post is a complex and vast individual. One who requires generosity and even grace.

I've been thinking a lot lately on "what is the right kind of wrong to be?" in society. Referring to the adage, "It is better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer". We are going to be wrong either way, and since 100% accuracy is unattainable, we have to decide on which to err - and personally I think extending H of G to those that maybe don't deserve it is still the "right kind of wrong to be".

@steggopotamus

8 ай бұрын

It can be so difficult though when the one guy who really super shouldn't have been let back out on the streets harms multiples of people. My only consolation of an attempt at a solution is to hope we eventually stop making our criminal system about rigid laws and vengeance (x crime = x punishment) but eventually about preventing harm and importantly psychology that's well grounded in science. Psychological research recently had a reproducibility crisis come to light and science is often clouded by individual biases (racism, sexism etc) so, even this as a solution feels so far away, but still it's the best solution I can think of.

I'm so glad there's a phrase now for this kind of intentional empathy. You'll rarely get to the root of a problem by assuming evil intent is behind it, because people feel justified in their actions. Remove all the "evil" people you want, the causes that created them are still there, and you're likely just as susceptible to them. You can be angry. You SHOULD be angry. But be careful where you're directing it.

@GrayCatbird1

2 жыл бұрын

That’s an interesting thought, it’s true that assuming people are evil has only one solution, cutting them off. It ultimately doesn’t contribute to address the problem. That’s my biggest qualm with polarization on an issue. It created a narrative where there’s a bad people out there that we can do nothing about out there, when these people are part of the same community and there is no way to not live with them.

@noyb72

2 жыл бұрын

@@GrayCatbird1 You are correct, there is no way to not live with them, but that doesn't change the fact that they are bad people; in reality we are bad people almost always. I disagree with having only one solution. The solution is to realize that everyone performs in manners we're not happy with, and we do the same to everyone else. Directing empathy to identify the true issue, and approaching it rationally (anger is absolutely unproductive) allows us to work with the productive attributes others can deliver in spite of their behaviors that we see as shortcomings. Case in point, Russia has a pretty good space program, and they just used it to bring an American home, even though the US is funding the opposition in a war with Russia. Cutting someone off removes their resources from the equation.

@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721

2 жыл бұрын

@@GrayCatbird1 Bad people will remain bad people until you treat them like good people.

This morning I wrote in my journal "i feel like i've been more cynical when meeting new people lately", so this framework for thinking about how to try and not do that could not have come at a better time. Thanks, John!

I've known about the Fundamental Attribution Error (where we judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intent) for quite some time. And the H of G is a tool one can employ to overcome that error. A tool I wish I had known about long ago.

@mephitismephitis4045

2 жыл бұрын

This video made me think of the Fundamental Attribution Error as well. I like how to describe an H of G as a tool to avoid making that error.

This reminds me of something my former boss insisted so much on me that it stuck. As a TA and as an instructor, I would easily get upset and vindictive when students cheated or failed to accomplish easy tasks or were seemingly trying to abuse class policies to get better grades. She always insisted in giving the students the benefit of the doubt. This ensure that no matter what happens, by giving students the benefit of the doubt and assuming the reasons behind their actions is justified, most of the time, the student is given a fair chance. Not only that, this type of class environment fosters sincerity, growth, and a positive environment, versus a punishing and negative environment which students are therefore afraid or angry, which diminishes learning. Basically, the H of G in a classroom is extremely beneficial, and if you focus on changing instructions and rules to better fit the learning community you are engaging with in the class, students will have a better time in class, and overall learn more and better. I like the H of G!

I've lived my life using "H of G" without ever putting a label or meaning behind it. I've always found it confusing that others don't. This sounds more concise than saying "benefit of the doubt" and I appreciate this post.

1:40 I did exactly that a couple days ago, there were 24 coupons. But the people behind me as well as the cashier were very understanding and found it just as amusing as I did. And I only spent less than 25 cents on all that food!

I've often deployed something less cool sounding over my years of teaching physics: the well of infinite patience. There are a legion of reasons the work in a classroom can start to bother me - students needed directions repeated or going over how to isolate variables again and again - but I learned quickly that my reaction to those moments affects everyone's will to carry on. Being annoyed, dismissive, or snarky helps no one; on the contrary, students need to FEEL supported if they're going to ASK for support which is, like, the whole point. And so while I still sometimes fail, I try to treat each of these small moments as new and provide only what is asked of me. Thank you for the new perspective on perspective-ing!

@Karishma_Unspecified

2 жыл бұрын

I'm a Physics grad student, and I would not have gotten to grad school and discovered the wild wonders of Physics, had it not been for my teachers' and profs' infinite well of patience. I want to tell you that the effort you are putting in is worth it.

@bouncingbean

2 жыл бұрын

The combination of Brian’s comment, and Karishma’s reply, made me tear up a bit in a way I can’t really articulate. Thank you both for this moment of resonating empathy.

@brianbuchanan57

2 жыл бұрын

@@Karishma_Unspecified This made my day, thank you so much for your kind words. Students that stay curious and keep asking questions make it all worth it; congratulations on making it this far and never stop!

@wayland8

2 жыл бұрын

Well of infinite patience IS SUCH A COOL NAME!!!

@sanchitagolder

2 жыл бұрын

lol i’ve always wondered if asking questions to teachers annoys them, since they’ve probably taught it so many times (to our batch AND over the years), and then my question must be so old and frayed to them as well; now i know that is in fact true and i should ask google 🤣

When I was an undergrad studying history the version of this I learned was something called historical charity. It meant always trying to give historical figures the benefit of the doubt that they were trying to make the best decisions they could given the facts they had and the culture they were a part of.

@MarkThePage

2 жыл бұрын

Ooh, that's good. I've been trying to better explain why it's ignorant to hold people from the past accountable to today's values and understandings. They didn't have the opportunities to learn to see the world like we do now.

@patrickcollier7090

2 жыл бұрын

@@MarkThePage I like to think of visiting the past as visiting a foreign country, the people don't speak the same, have the same customs, food, dress or cultural norms. Trying to understand the people of the past in the context of their world is super important.

@connormcgee4711

2 жыл бұрын

@@MarkThePage Very true! Also having the humility to recognize that not just us as individuals, but our whole society, might be as flawed in their reasoning as the past people we read about. Even if our lense is clearer, we might have a different prescription.

In constant awe of how much wisdom you can fit into 4 minutes

This is something I've always prided myself on, but the older I get the harder it is because everyone around me is so bad at it. I don't get road rage because I've accidentally cut people off before and I wasn't being stupid or self centered or on my phone when it happened, so it's easy to think they're probably just trying their best as well. But everyone around me in my adult life is so quick to anger and blame and sometimes I hear my thoughts and realize it's what my dad would say, not what I actually think, for example, and I do my best to stop

@WhySoSquid

2 жыл бұрын

Years ago I heard someone say that your initial, gut-react thoughts tend not to be what you genuinely think, because if you give yourself a moment to consider you'll often come to a different conclusion than in the heat of the moment...so people can sometimes get impatient with me because I don't voice a response immediately 😅 I like to pause and take in possible explanations for this or that, and I've found it an effective method for navigating the roiling sea of emotions we encounter every day 🙏

@kf10147

2 жыл бұрын

I would consider showing some people in your life this video or else expose them to this concept. I did so with my dad about five years ago and his road rage is down significantly. I like to explain it as telling yourself a lie to explain bad behavior. It allows you to feel sympathy for someone instead of judging them.

@pendlera2959

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I've noticed on Reddit people tend to come up with the most malicious motives for why someone would support or defend something and flat out refuse to believe that any more legitimate motives or reasons might exist. For instance, with abortion, a lot of pro-choice people refuse to accept that pro-life people genuinely see abortion as murder. Instead, they assume it's solely about controlling women and perpetuating poverty. However, I was raised an Evangelical and have since become an Atheist and I remember believing that abortion was murder, so I can ignore that uncharitable assumption about pro-life people and try to approach them from a place I know would have been compelling to me when I was where they were. Unfortunately, since I haven't been everything or held every belief, it's much harder to retain that charity towards others when I haven't seen things from their side myself. The more I'm around people who look for the worst motives in others, the harder I find it to use the H of G.

John, I literally just preached about a month ago in my church. (PS high five from a double major History and Religious Studies who DID go to seminary. Discernment is big stuff, and in your way, you minister all the dang time.)

@kf10147

2 жыл бұрын

I've never thought of hank and john that way but I couldn't agree more. They've really fulfilled that role in my life for almost a decade now helping me to become a better person through their words and personal morals.

Just finished listening to the Mountains Beyond Mountains audiobook (YA version) through Wisconsin's Digital Library. Ten people were in line to borrow it after me. It's very good and made this community's commitment to helping Partners in Health that much more real to me. Paul Farmer was an amazing person and his commitment to the health and well being of the world's poor is unparalleled.

@TheGirlonfire25

2 жыл бұрын

I haven't read it yet but I put it on the YA recommended display at the library where I work

@dgill441

2 жыл бұрын

I need to check if my library has it! thanks for the reminder!

@randomsandra4039

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! I just put myself in line to borrow it. AND …thinking of how to do an undergrad honors thesis on Dr Farmer and “H of G”! I was trying to come up with a positive theme…

Today was such a tiring day. This helped me greatly. Thank you John. Sincerely, a very grateful person.

@bethanyfield6035

2 жыл бұрын

I hope tomorrow is less tiring

Nice to have a phrase to talk about this! I always try to do this. I feel like, especially when it comes to politics, imagining others as heartless monsters set on making the world a worse place is a very dangerous thing to do. Imagining them as trying their best, even if they're very misguided, gives us common ground and the possibility of making positive change together.

Maybe the designer bag was a gift they received by a well meaning acquaintance, an incredible thrift shop find or a knock off! :)

@ernest3286

2 жыл бұрын

Or maybe they grew up surrounded by intense societal pressure to present an outward appearance of wealth, and made poor financial decisions because of it. Even if that is something worth condemning as a behavior, it will almost never help you to condemn the person themselves. Much better to correct that sort of mindset by fostering understanding through love, empathy, good principles. 💜

This is a philosophy I kind of started living by after a short stint in a PHP program. Turns out when empathy is a guiding force in your life, a lot of worldwide confusion gets cleared up. It’s cool to have a name for this, and a cool name at that. I appreciate the wisdom, John!

"Rumination... is not that hard to say but it's SO easy to do" Spoken like a true neurotic, John. I feel ya.

“What’s easier to do than to say?” That you love someone, especially someone from your family. It’s much easier to show physical affection and perform acts of service than to tell your family you love them at least in my experience.

@Rosalie_Jansen

2 жыл бұрын

You probably meant to say "What's easier to do than to say", right? Anyways, I agree, it's so hard to say I love you sometimes, especially to family members or close friends, not so much romantic partners.

@MsBlulucky

2 жыл бұрын

but isn't that the opposite? Love is easier to "do" (aka show) than to say

@sylvy16

2 жыл бұрын

@@Rosalie_Jansen Yeah i had misquoted it.

@pendlera2959

2 жыл бұрын

That's such an odd thing to me. I was raised saying I love you before bed, whenever we left the house, before hanging up the phone, when making up after an argument, when you see someone going through a rough time and want to tell them you care even if you can't help, etc. Saying it so often sometimes made it feel like a meaningless pleasantry, but I can't imagine the opposite, where you feel you can't say it even if you want to. Not trying to judge or anything, just expressing surprise. If you don't mind my asking, what happens when you do say you love someone nonromantically? Do they make fun of you for being sentimental or something?

"Hermanooded." - John Green - Hank

I feel like the best practice for this is to read The Great Gatsby under that lens, the story becomes suddenly more vivid and reveals many thought cascades to plunge into.

Nah, H of G means Hank of Green and I will not change this position

@sebastienvondoom8615

2 жыл бұрын

That was literally my first thought!

@untappedinkwell

2 жыл бұрын

I look forward to this becoming Hank's new email sign off.

"Together we can choose better" is the most reassuring and hopeful thing I have heard in a very long time. Thank you for making our future seem a little less bleak.

H of G is something I hadn't heard before, but the concept is very well known to me after being through years of DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) founded by Dr. Marsha Linehan. It's a branch off of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and one of the core principles outside of the near verbatim language John used here (non-judgemental, mindful, empathetic, etc.) is that of dialectics. The easiest way it has been described to me is that every person is allowed the opportunity to interpret what is happening by thinking about every potential cause of the distressing trigger. More plainly, if your car is broken down on the side of the road and your best friend/neighbor drives right past you, you have the opportunity to interpret that as a slight, ruminate on what may have happened for them to clearly go right past you - what did you do wrong or maybe what are you justified in being angry with them not helping you. Or you can interpret it is the "H of G" and think about what they are going through - maybe they're going to the hospital, or late to work, didn't see you at all, etc., etc. It doesn't matter which came first, but it does matter that one way or another people are learning a priceless skill to more effectively interact with the people and world around them.

I love this. I have been doing this for some years. The way I put it is "I rather be taken for a fool a hundred times than for a jerk once". It's sometimes hard to stick to it because I work in direct contact with people that sometimes just assume I'm there to get them, but I've found it to be ultimatelly rewarding and even beneficial in the long term. Less conflict, less background noise, easier to find common ground and objetives to reach for alongside whoever I am working with.

@morebirdsandroses

Жыл бұрын

I really like the "fool vs jerk" ratio. Thanks🤔☺️🦋

A lovely concept, and something I will certainly practice more. I always love how well articulated the thoughts you present are, and I'm aware that's due to conscious effort on your part and it is an effort I appreciate. Thanks john

I feel like an H of G is also a really important part of how we define political identity. A selective H of G allows us to see problems as being always about someone else, because we know that "our team" is full of "good people" and "good people" always have rationalizations as to why they do things. I agree with the central thesis of an H of G beinv important, but if will always be easier to apply it to the "us"es that we construct rather than the "us" that is humanity

@cloud_appreciation_society

2 жыл бұрын

I'm prone to self righteousness and I've actually found extending H of G to other people makes me more critical of my own beliefs. With H of G I no longer see myself as particularly special or enlightened. I'm just another human who thinks they're doing the right thing, like most other humans. Which makes me more willing to listen to others or try to find ways in which I might be well intentioned but wrong.

I need this. I'm way too angry and judgemental and I'm often wary of going anywhere for fear of what I'll encounter and what it will trigger inside of me. I will use this and practice as hard as I can, as it's no fun being angry.

This is one of your best videos, John. The time and effort you put into writing these thoughts has brought forth something very beautiful and human. I am proud every day to be a participant in the community you and Hank have grown.

Most important thing I have ever really learned, accepted, and put into practice from therapy is that everyone is doing the best they can in a given moment with what they have, including me. I think this is the same lesson in different words, and it is definitely an important and difficult lesson. Thanks for sharing it with more people!

Having watched Vlogbrothers videos since 2007, I adore and appreciate that as Hank, a science communicator, and John, a love and language communicator, get older, they continue to share their personal growth of knowledge and wisdom in their fields that they are already so well-respected in. I’m so grateful to live a life in a world where I am able to continue “growing up” with these incredible brothers.

Your examples remind me of that wonderful speech, “This is Water” by David Foster Wallace - a speech that I first learned about from you, John, many years ago. Thanks for reminding us to think generously, brothers. ❤️

Thank you for so eloquently putting into words what I cannot; this is exactly how I try to approach daily life, but I’ve never been able to explain my philosophy adequately to others. I love learning more about both the world and myself from your videos.

I'd love to hear more about how this idea interacts with the paradox of tolerance.

@kf10147

2 жыл бұрын

I don't think it necessarily interacts too much as the paradox of tolerance is about society and beliefs while this is about individuals and actions. It is also completely allowed to condemn someone's intolerant actions while understanding that they are likely on some level a good person gone astray. But this might be easy to me having grown up in the south with republicans who are loving and courteous to insiders while also holding deeply intolerant views.

@pendlera2959

2 жыл бұрын

I think trying to understand where someone's intolerance comes from (not just assuming someone is evil for evil's sake) gives you a better chance of addressing it than merely trying to suppress or ban the intolerance. Obviously, some people won't be convinced. But you should still try to convince as many people as possible instead of just assuming they are unconvincable and using force too early or in a way that makes them less open to changing their minds.

In teaching, we have a similar saying- Assume Best Intentions. Assume that the person you are working with also wants to succeed and is acting in a way that will bring about success. This is also hard to do when working with admin, or difficult students, or stubborn colleagues, but it is important to remember.

Boy, did I need this! I'm belatedly discovering the inner crab and get into practicing too zealously☹️. An approach like this reminds me of _why_ I decided not to follow in family footsteps of criticism. Thanks for the chance to renew my faith in 💖 decency as my choice😊😸🦋

Thank you so much for this video, John. I've been feeling and carrying this concept in my brain and heart for so long, and there were times when I wanted to explain it to people but never had enough words or the right words. It was frustrating at times, but this video is so helpful because you explained the concept so well and all in the span of four minutes, so thank you and thank you Dr. Paul Farmer. I think it's incredibly necessary for this concept to be articulated to a wider audience, so thank you and thank you Dr. Paul Farmer for that too.

I've never heard of this term before, but it pretty much describes my life philosophy. I think it began in 8th grade when I realized that bullies are probably reflecting their own insecurities on others. I just continued to see how others can be acting out of fear and frustration and decided to give people a bit of grace because of it. It took a long while after that to learn where the line between grace and not tolerating abuse came.

I needed to hear this today. I have a coworker that I struggle to get along with and it's easy to paint them one-dimensionally. I was impressed how you tied H of G to systemic injustice - it's easy to get bogged down by the state of the world but looking at problems generously can help me feel like being a force for good is possible and achievable.

John, I wish there was a way for you to watch and hear your videos with fresh ears and eyes like we all get to everytime you publish - because I think you would find them such a tonic and a salve and a welcome support in these challenging times. Thank you for your generosity and compassion and for keeping on throughout all of this. (gestures broadly to the world at large). Also, Dr. Farmer would be proud.

When I was first introduced to this concept it was called Radical Kindness.

I can already tell this is one of those videos I'll be coming back to. Thank you

I really needed this reminder about seeing the goodness and kindness in people today, and to hear someone else insist that it is a moral imperative to be generous with others. Thanks, as always :)

Yessssss, this habit revolutionized my online experience about two years ago. And the amount of unpleasant online encounters I had plummeted. Because when people are scared or stressed and you respond defensively, things tend to escalate or at least stay tense. When you respond with compassion, often they stop communicating from that fear or stress, and so many valuable conversations have come out of situations that used to leave my stomach churning and my pulse racing. I absolutely love learning why someone who thinks differently to me about something thinks differently about it

I love this so much and it reminds me of my own philosophy of always assuming people are trying their best. Perhaps even more relevant is the concept of fundamental attribution error which I think everyone should know about and think about all the time!

I am always impressed by your ability to be current and timeless at the same time. What an incredibly thoughtful video.

Thanks for sharing, John. I needed this one today.

Hey John, I'm a recently joined nerdfighter and this is like the third video of yours I'm watching. I came here only because I've read all of your books and I think you're a really good writer- my favourite writer, actually. And how could I be doing justice to my favourite writer if I didn't watch his KZread channel? So I came here, and I just wanted to say, I already love it so much. Also, does it make me a bad nerdfighter that I've only watched 3 videos and I'm in 12th grade right now so I probably wouldn't have the time to watch your previous uploads? I'll follow your upcoming videos regularly, though... Love from India 💜💜

@whereisangie

2 жыл бұрын

WELCOME!!! its great to see new people finding this channel😊 and dont worry about how many videos you have watched- i think being a nerdfighter is more about the spirit of these ideas, you dont need to have watched all the videos or read all the books to be welcome here😊 my favourite video of John's is "How Young Is History" i think you'll like it- it blew my mind. I wish you all the best in your studies! love from canada

@mariacargille1396

2 жыл бұрын

Nope! You're not a bad Nerdfighter because you're new, or can only watch intermittently. There may be some references that you might not immediately get, but don't be afraid to ask-- long-time viewers will jump in and clarify. You're absolutely still welcome in this community, and we'll be happy any time you make it here. Best wishes for your senior year, and hello from the USA!

@ThousandTimesBefore

2 жыл бұрын

Welcome to the community! :)

@efosdk2925

2 жыл бұрын

Welcome 😁

@untappedinkwell

2 жыл бұрын

It looks like the welcome crew has found you! Hope your senior year goes well. ^^

This was a very timely message for me today, thanks, John!

Thanks, John. I was late for this one, but I needed it today!

It was nice hearing this because I feel like even though your examples were of somebody slowly paying in line at the store. In my city we have a huge homeless problem and our city seem to lack empathy and goodwill of human beings. It’s our job as citizens of America to try and find solutions not more reasons to complain an to be unhappy.

Holy moly this is just so powerful. Thank you for putting into words from Paul Farmer something I've been feeling for a long time

this is my favorite vlogbrothers video in all the years i’ve watched, thank you

I watched this video when it first came out and now I am taking a nursing class based on this very concept! Except we call it relational inquiry. Love this presentation of it though so I had to come back and watch it again!

I needed this today, thank you

I love this. I was told at my first nursing job to always assume the best of your coworkers because the chances of someone deciding to work at a children's hospital with any malicious intent are extremely low. Assuming the best of people has gotten me far in life, and I definitely notice a change in my own joy and contentment when I am not as generous with my assumptions.

Great video, John. Very redolent in spirit and message of David Foster Wallace's sublime 'This is water' commencement speech.

Can't... can't even tell you how much I needed this today, particularly inwardly. Thanks, John.

Thank you so much for this video. I learned a lot and appreciate your passion and explanation. This has meant much to me, and I hope to put this into practice in my life. Much love to you and yours.

I feel like I will be referencing this video for years to come, sharing it with friends and colleagues and then rewatching it for myself again.

Beautiful. Thank you. I needed that one.

Thank you for helping me find words for this concept! Just the other day I was trying to explain something similar to this and couldn't describe it well!

Thank you for introducing me to the HofG. I need let my lens shine on the goodness in others. My, though jolly most of the time, own lenses tend to see worst in people, things and situations which I think maybe why my mood and thoughts sway so wildly.

this is among the most beautiful spoken audio i've encountered since DFW's "This Is Water"

Thanks for putting a name to a thing I have been unwittingly following for a few years now. Whenever a stranger does something annoying to me I always imagine what would need to happen for me to let them off the hook for it and assume it happened.

Yes a million times over. Thank you for filling this space with such generosity. I hope this message reaches a long way. Such a beautiful philosophy. So much more is possible when H of G surrounds our everyday lives.

Thanks for this John - I needed this today

This reminds me of the HPST discussions at the end of book 7! Thanks as always for the insight John

I love this so much 💖 Thank you for making this

I feel that "Procrastination" also falls neatly within the simpler to do than say category .

@sadiyahassan5812

2 жыл бұрын

That is exactly what I was thinking

Lovely video John. Working on bringing an abundance mindset to all aspects of life.

An Hank of Green???

@Plutosfirstborn

2 жыл бұрын

Beat me to it

I hadn't heard someone put my modus operandi into words, but this fits quite well. To be sure, it's difficult to employ in all situations, but it can be done! Thank you, John. I think this video was needed in the world.

Thanks for bringing this topic up, I think it's such an important conversation to be had in this day and age. I had never used this expression before, but the hermeneutics of generosity is something I think about a lot as a clinical psychologist. I see in my practice very good people behaving very badly sometimes, and it's usually because they are angry and afraid, because they have been badly hurt by others who are, usually, also good people at heart. Unfortunately, I believe H of G is something that comes with what I call a "family emotional privilege"; meaning if you have had compassion and fair boundaries shown to you most of the time in your childhood, you can probably practice a more favorable H of G then if you haven't. That is not an absolute, of course, like any other type of priviledge. But I find it's much harder to show compassion for others when you haven't been shown any. This is why I truly appreciate what you and Hank do here through your ever compassionate words and actions.

this is a video i really needed right now, thanks for the great video john

Love that some of the vlogbrothers videos feel like mini anthropocene pods. Thank you for this John!

You got me thinking of things that are harder to say than they are to do, and I realized that pretty much everything I could think of involved the base human experiences (Breathe, Whisper, Witness, Think) I was wondering if anyone could think of anything contrary to this rule? Feel like its a cool lens to look at humanity through

Currently i’m a social work student, and this is the approach I hope to have when working with client’s when I finish. Many people suffering is not the direct fault of their own but are rather the fault of much larger system. When we view people with kindness rather then distain work becomes more solutions focused rather the problem focused!

My sister always complained about people who use WIC at the grocery store who had nice purses or fancy cars. I tried to get her to see that she was only seeing one moment. Maybe she didn’t know that the purse came from goodwill or the car was purchased before their spouse got I’ll and they were devastated by medical bills. Why not instead see a person who just needed a bit of help.

These videos are shockingly and consistently excellent.

I've never heard that phrase before, but i've always articulated it as just assuming that everyone is doing the very best that they can. If you go into any situation just assuming that everyone, like you, is doing the very best that they can, it allows you to err on the side of empathy and understanding.

As I watched this video, my five year old son snuggled in and commented "This is one of the best days we've ever had, ay Dad?" - and all of a sudden it was.

Thank you! My HofG needs reinforcement and reinvigoration and you provided it. Thank you!