Cave Johnson is like the perfect man for when you're trying to sell a product, but you know it's stupid as hell.

@DarthJoeyTheWise

5 жыл бұрын

yep, for sure

@jasoncarswell7458

4 жыл бұрын

Anyway, we're between banks at the moment, so please make those checks out to "cash"!

@rice2481

4 жыл бұрын

So true

@rtstrong

3 жыл бұрын

"Cave Johnson is like the perfect man" - no, he's an Omni-Man.

@BuriedFlame

3 жыл бұрын

You mean whatever Elon Musk sells?

Roses are red Violets are blue thats a crusher we sell them too

@santiagoherrera1853

5 жыл бұрын

Now this is poetry

@someguy4258

5 жыл бұрын

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Yes, that is a Crusher, We sell those too.

@deathiezzlulz

3 жыл бұрын

funee

@bonnierobloxrip

2 жыл бұрын

Roses are red Violets are Blue Those we're Crushers we sell them too

@TrolledMF288

2 жыл бұрын

Roses are red Violets are blue I am late But we sell those too

For someone we never meet in the flesh, Cave Johnson is probably one of my favorite videogame characters

@emithelastidiot1817

3 жыл бұрын

Of course we don't meet him, he died

@MisterJohnDoe

3 жыл бұрын

@@emithelastidiot1817 You don’t say?

@Omega-jg4oq

3 жыл бұрын

At least we know how he looks like

@Strawbed

2 жыл бұрын

We technically don't meet weathley or glados in flesh too, since they are robot

@TheFPSKingsGaming

2 жыл бұрын

Hear me out, we have a new portal game with all the old branding and it’s only 15 minutes long. What if our good old buddy cave Johnson appears? After all the new game has all old branding

Sarcasm + Seriousness = Cave Johnson

@diskdrive6113

5 жыл бұрын

Simple Brian same with glados, wait is cave Johnson glados? Find out next time on game theory

@groos3449

4 жыл бұрын

@G809 GD but it could be, maybe they managed to put his brain into a computer before he *SPOILER*

@thechosenone9910

3 жыл бұрын

G809 r/woooooooosh Yes I just r/woooooooshed you for a comment from 2019.

@CSharpDCS

3 жыл бұрын

My mum

@CSharpDCS

3 жыл бұрын

@@thechosenone9910 ITS 3 O'S

I would like to order a "what idiot picked this?" Turret please

@farmerspaceboy2251

7 жыл бұрын

Vault Boi Same, WAIT... WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF ME!!!

@sethtaros7757

7 жыл бұрын

(*walks in not knowing anything) 0_0 (*walks back out)

@masonsykes2240

7 жыл бұрын

There are 5 Fallout games. 7 or 8, if you count Fallout: Brotherhood Of Steel, the sequel to that, and maybe Van Buren.

@Akka5000

4 жыл бұрын

@@farmerspaceboy2251 so many versions of farmer spaceboys? lol

@bFix

3 жыл бұрын

I'm different

I think my favorite cave Johnson quotes are when he’s firing people. “Yes you. Box, stuff, car. Now.”

@HEROEGAME

2 жыл бұрын

jk simmons is good on that

@jd_kreeper2799

Жыл бұрын

Yes, you. Box. Your. Stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.

1:35 "...Plus we fire the whole bullet! That's 65% more bullet per bullet!"

@zanderoneil3405

4 жыл бұрын

Bullet.

@000Krim

4 жыл бұрын

it's too good

@sharkcraft8568

4 жыл бұрын

every time hear this I feel like I just had a stroke

@Theakritas_

4 жыл бұрын

So the bullet casing and gunpowder are completely useless lol

@beefjerfy3082

4 жыл бұрын

@@Theakritas_ no, it's more bullet per bullet

I love how they make a multiverse and ai, just for budget cuts and menial tasks! 😂

@noor-rx1ij

2 жыл бұрын

It's the cheaper approach!

@kitno6415

2 жыл бұрын

they dont make the multiverse, it already exists.

@CreamTheEverythingFixer

Жыл бұрын

Aperture Science: We do what me must, because we can.

@theshapeshifter0330

Жыл бұрын

@@kitno6415if they can make a sentient door and a gun that shoots space holes, they can make a multiverse

@captainhades1583

4 ай бұрын

I mean that's a pretty accurate prediction, looking at how people are using generative AI nowadays to cut out a lot of design and writing jobs in business...

Cave johnson quotes are so legendary that they have to be real life quotes

@ServantOfOdin

6 жыл бұрын

Worse, they're realisations based on actual observations....

@petertompson9148

3 жыл бұрын

LEMONS!

Cave Johnson, we're done here

@stevenfaz2385

7 жыл бұрын

Mikhail Bakunin test over

@vividrome6598

7 жыл бұрын

Mikhail Bakunin don't tell the family

@asmylia9880

4 жыл бұрын

Cave Johnson, we're done here! Cave Johnson here.

@goofy-ahh101.

Жыл бұрын

Atlas: bonk bonk bonk * falls down * P-Body: u ok bro?

Gotta love how the diagram of the turret at 1:38 shows how Aperture has covered all their bases. One empathy generator and one empathy suppressor in every unit, truly genius!

@SomeTomfoolery

2 жыл бұрын

Headcanon: After several iterations using the empathy generator, they realized empathy wasn't a good choice, but having already incorporated the generator into the design, the turret stopped working if they took it out, so they implemented an empathy suppressor instead.

@GalexiDude

Жыл бұрын

@@SomeTomfoolery You've just described every source games code.

@yarknark

Жыл бұрын

@@GalexiDude "remove the thing causing issues" "if we do it breaks the whole fucking game" "add a thing that removes the thing causing issues" "on it, boss"

@sukaritas6350

Жыл бұрын

@@GalexiDude Y e s

@Aron34698

11 ай бұрын

@@yarknark literally coconut.vtf in team fortress 2

“Look at that sad little octopus.” Gets me every time.

@Skikopl

Жыл бұрын

*laughs* he he

@idk-just-tea

11 ай бұрын

that and "why are they agreeing to do that? they're not, we're tricking them." The delivery of that line is PERFECT.

Best game ever made, past present or future. I'd love to be proved wrong. But for game play experience, writing, comedy, acting, even aesthetics. It's a pile of pure magic. I got my 70 year old mother to sit in front of the computer to see it, she couldn't stop playing till she finished it. 70 years old who could barely send emails, hadnt touched a video game since my atari 2600, laughed her ass off, gasped giggled, enjoyed the whole ride.

@GamesRUs-bj2ut

3 жыл бұрын

You talking about portal 2? Cause if you are everything's correct

@commie281

3 жыл бұрын

correct, and red dead redemption 2 is my close second

@aidansroadams5328

2 жыл бұрын

My mom's been having a blast playing it, even if pretty much every other first person game she disliked.

@agzzradface3113

2 жыл бұрын

Hollow knight, Celeste or dead cells are just as good in my opinion. I liked portal but not "best game ever made" level of liked it

@SlizMaster

2 жыл бұрын

can we get a letsplay? id love to see that

"That is not a panel...that's a crusher..we sell them too."

@ToxicTrashBinBag

4 жыл бұрын

I’m pretty sure it’s called a mashy spike plate

@goofy-ahh101.

Жыл бұрын

Crushers are selled for trash compactors for me idk why :7

"Robots gave us six extra seconds of cooperation." That's a lot.

Can we talk about how perfect JK Simmons is for this role?

@yonatanboker6810

2 жыл бұрын

the casting crew are geniuses

Normal business: time for a cheaper approach, allow me to introduce,.. scams! Cave Johnson: time for a cheaper approach, allow me to introduce,.. the multiverse!

@evasive164

Жыл бұрын

69 likes

Cave laughing at the sad little octopus proves he is the greatest comedic character design I have ever seen

3:22 I like how it uses a new diomand each time it cuts it.

@smallkloon

2 жыл бұрын

And how they didn't even need to cut it and they could have just made a smaller panel.

@JohnSmith-wx9wj

2 жыл бұрын

That's the point. To show them being idiotically wasteful.

@cleeiii357

2 жыл бұрын

And those are some of the reasons why they're almost bankrupt in the first place.

@f2progamer80

2 жыл бұрын

And the turrets used for testing are instantly incinerated.

@ijkxjdc

2 жыл бұрын

And they spill a lot of moon rock gel making a single panel

Now I see why Gravity Falls had him do Grunkle Ford's voice

@sakuraogami6885

6 жыл бұрын

yesss....YEESS......

@coppa2178

4 жыл бұрын

Wait really

@TheRadElectric

4 жыл бұрын

@@coppa2178 ...

@fordpines4519

4 жыл бұрын

It would be more like if ford was a conman tho

@ThePrimordialArchon

3 жыл бұрын

@@fordpines4519 so a successful stanley?

Cave could sell air in a jar and convince everyone to buy it

@Grock620

2 жыл бұрын

I'd buy his bathwater

@pretzelbomb6105

2 жыл бұрын

And it would somehow be flammable and still sold at a loss.

@ChaotiX1

Жыл бұрын

Lorax moment

"now he wasnt a scientist, just a simple farmer, a professor at the local farm college, never farmed a day in his life"

@ChronDoc024

3 ай бұрын

"BUT his theories are the backbone of this company!"

_"Hello? I would like to order a turret. Yeah. No, no no, not that one, I would like the 'What idiot picket th-' turret. Thanks."_

V sauce, Cave Johnson here.

@yegorgribenuke6853

3 жыл бұрын

Now im going to think how awesome it would have been...

This man is a total maniac and we all love him for it.

They NEED to make a spinoff based on all the multiverse aperture tests.

@neutral8517

2 жыл бұрын

Multiverse tests are just chambers that people online made

@slabman6262

2 жыл бұрын

Closest thing is desk job

@MrSchplingle79

2 жыл бұрын

We need octopus Cave Johnson and we need him now

@CarlosAlberto-nq3iv

Жыл бұрын

@@neutral8517 So Mario Maker meets Portal?

@KwikBR

Жыл бұрын

@@CarlosAlberto-nq3iv Portal 2 already has its own custom chamber thing

Cave johnson (the boot part): "its expensive as hell" Me: I'll take your entire stock

@mikeaninger7388

2 жыл бұрын

Just know that for Your heroic actions the boots will always be congratulated

The "we fire the whole bullet thats 65% more bullet per bullet" quote always has me in stiches and thr farming sketch is the best

I want to order the “evening at the improv turret”

1:32-1:37 Why do I find this funny lmao

@MisterJohnDoe

4 жыл бұрын

Because it is

@TheRadElectric

4 жыл бұрын

@@MisterJohnDoe the more you know ;)

"Why are they agreeing to do that? They're not, we're tricking them" 3:53

The solution to lack of funds is to build a machine that allows you to travel around the multiverse and instead of selling the designs, use it to trick other versions of Aperture into building tests for them. Makes sense.

This man's voice is so inspiring! I want to buy a turret!

1:54 *WHAT IDIOT PICKED-*

Cave Johnson is probably the most successful con man I have never met

@TrinityCore60

9 ай бұрын

Most charismatic, too! I think I’d actually consider buying an Aperture product if he were to advertise it!

3:33 Wait wait wait. Stanford, I thought your brother said that youse guys were broke. Are you sure he didn't cut ANY corners

@icanbeatull

7 жыл бұрын

Noise crush i dont no

@MrLTiger

7 жыл бұрын

You mean other than the corner cutting machine?

@titavaughns7698

7 жыл бұрын

gravity falls? i'm lost....

@noisecrush7097

7 жыл бұрын

tita vaughns u no watch gravity falls? Man, sad life

@titavaughns7698

7 жыл бұрын

completely

2:05 try to get close to that baby, your funeral

“Fact: The key to any successful cooperative test is trust. And as our data clearly shows, humans, cannot be trusted.” I crack up every tine I hear that. It’s funny cuz it’s true.

These sales pitches sound like something you would see being shown in line for a ride at a Disney or Universal theme park. Now one of these parks needs to make a Portal/Aperture Science themed ride!

Look At the Sad Octopus *H E H H E H*

Man I miss the pre 2013 era. Simpler times back then.

@ethanm8822

2 жыл бұрын

Fr

@KanashiAtisuto

2 жыл бұрын

For you maybe :D Obviously, some things are bad for all of us but we've still had some great development since 😄

"Look at that sad little octopus, hehe" - Cave Johnson

1:34 after noticing this in game, I'm incredibly happy to see they actually acknowledge it 😂

Cave Johnson here. The cake is a lie. Cave Johnson, we're done here.

What a nice man I hope he lives a healthy life!

@murrfeeling

Жыл бұрын

I'd like to think some part of him lives on in the infinite parallel universe versions of him.

@timmy6890

Жыл бұрын

@@murrfeeling i think in the apature desk top job thing hes inside a massive robot head and is still technically living

@gengarzilla1685

6 ай бұрын

Hopefully he doesn't buy seventy million dollars worth of moon rocks and turn them into a poisonous gel.

Look at that sad little octopus. Hehe

Cave Johnson- we never cut corners. Corner cutting machine which uses up 1 diamond per cut.

kind of sad but very real how undetailed the humans are in the vids its a kind of reflection of reality in how big corps see employees like a number which makes them very unknown and uncared about

@scrubbingdoubles8585

2 жыл бұрын

Jesus loves you

we need more cave johnson

I like how even in the ads we get hints to the lore

“And his father before him and his father before him and his father before him and we are almost bankrupt” Cave Johnson -April 19 2011

3:05 literally my "co-worker " whipping on the chair while i almost break my body carrying heavy stuff.

We are so lucky to have a cave Johnson on our earth

I forgot HOW GREAT THE DIALOG WAS!!!! I've played through the story mode of portal 2 soooo many times just for the dialog.

on the first one Atlas: GET THIS CAGE OFF OF MEEEEE! Pbody:*looks at Atlas* Atlas:*bangs pan on cage and falls*

This comment isn't edited

@getting420subswithoutvideo6

7 жыл бұрын

Classy Plant Lol

@maxischew514

7 жыл бұрын

Cave that not how bullets work.

@Terra-Antares

7 жыл бұрын

Dalton Chew Well it saves the gunpowder!

@maxischew514

7 жыл бұрын

Simple Brian your right I never thought about it that way and also the bullets are reusable.

@idiotsimulator8055

7 жыл бұрын

Simple Brian AND WE DON'T HAVE TO MURDER AS MUCH CREEPERS!

Fun fact: In The Half-life 2 Beta, A Cut enemy Known as the Assassin Has Some long fall boots

@420anonymous

2 жыл бұрын

In Black Mesa, the assassins have them. (That wasn't in HL1, but I appreciate those little details. Just like the Aperture logo appearing on a ship in HL2 Episode 2)

@goofy-ahh101.

Жыл бұрын

Hey black mesa aperture labs hates you bc your a invention stealer aperture labs is the future!

Fact: Cave Johnson is voiced by JK Simmons, who also voices Stanford Pines in Gravity Falls, and he also played O'Brien in Terminator Genisys!

@jonnyb.animationstutorials7119

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, he plays a lot of Scientists/Smart people.

@ahedgehog9297

2 жыл бұрын

Cave Johnson here, I know you have buried a lot of money in our boots, but I’m here to tell you that we have found a cheaper way, cave Johnson here done here, AND FIND ME THAT DAMN SPIDER MAN

lol the Turret that said I'm Different 1:46

I'm waiting for Elon Musk to become cave johnson

@pumplespringer1552

4 жыл бұрын

@Jadandlud i want you to envision cat girl GLaDOS

@eleskeletitto4900

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@anannoyingtoaster3888

3 жыл бұрын

Can’t wait to shoot people with a portal gun

@seanrobinson-old-4463

2 жыл бұрын

greedy corporation buisnessman pretending to be a scientist does generally sciency stuff to wow investors cheaply mistreatment of employees sketchy buisness practices sir, he already is cave johnson

@ceefar10

8 ай бұрын

No

cave johnson admitting to intergalactic crime

Somehow, I have the feeling that when the writers were working on Cave Johnson, they gave a side-eye to their bosses and said, "Just like that."

Humans....can not be trusted- Cave Johnson Me: DAMMIT HUMANS

I still don’t understand how cave wasn’t jailed for having ZERO concern for test subjects!

@noireblack8865

Жыл бұрын

If no one gets out or found, no proplems. XD

@greencello599

10 ай бұрын

They signed the NDAs. The test subjects practically gave the company permission to do these tests.

I'm different~

"safe" while a robot was getting bashed up by a panel

I sure miss the days when Valve actually produced content and games consistently.

I'm surprised no one is talking about the turrets firing on the panel at 3:21 and nobody cares about the bullets flying everywhere.

Cave johnson here fact:the key to any succesful cooperative test is trust and as our data clearly shows humans cannot be trusted the solution: Robots! *[robot slams pancake on its head]* Then fire the guys who made those robots and build better robots Then run those through a resume trust exercises creatin a foundation of mutual respect reinforced by the simulated bonds of artificial friendship and firing stops and finally we put that trust to the TEST BAM! *[robot falls off cliff]* Robots gave us six extra seconds of cooperation good job robots Cave Johnson. were done here

I could have sworn I heard the robot say "TROLL!" at 1:17.

@TheRadElectric

4 жыл бұрын

xD never heard that

Just try and get close to that baby, ha! Your funeral

4:17 was one of them looking at porn? XD

@midoric19dc

7 жыл бұрын

kayne caltabiano lol

@thecavcave3020

7 жыл бұрын

lol they blurred out his screen

@henriksundqvist5089

7 жыл бұрын

kayne caltabiano 4:17+1:10=Guy who searched Portal 2 porn and found what he wanted; *Fap* *Fap* *Fap*

@Tucher97

7 жыл бұрын

robotic porn

@cyboygaming1925

7 жыл бұрын

kayne caltabiano holy shit. Valve managed to predict fnaf's fan base before fnaf was even considered as a thought! Holy shit mr Johnson. He is now god

Guys, you don’t understand. What makes a bullet deadly is the gunpowder contained in its shell, which fires it at a really fast rate. If they really are firing the whole billed, without exploding the gunpowder first, then getting hit by one wouldn’t kill you. Valve actually put in an explanation as to why their protagonist could get shot multiple times and still live.

Man how come I never saw the last one about multiverses. Love these shorts!

4:12 bottem right xd meet the pyro

@pumpbigid6065

10 ай бұрын

I think vortagons would make better blueprints or the combine

@falcolom

10 ай бұрын

@@pumpbigid6065 ?

Where going to run a con game on the mulitverse and mexico is going to pay for it..

@alexramirez7509

7 жыл бұрын

Kobe Wild *We're

“that’s 65% more bullet, per bullet”

Oh my gosh I have never seen the multi-verse one! I was hysterical

4:00 Welcome to hentai laboratories. Only where the most sexual, deviant, (expensive) and lewd products are made! 4:07 Hentai has never been so sad.

what if the alternate cave johnsons are scamming him?

@therearefourlights6926

4 жыл бұрын

Oh they all think they are, that's all part of the scam. He scams them while they're scamming him, scamming them, scamming him, scamming them, scamming him, scamming them, scamming him. It's positively fool proof.

he needs his own show

1:51 That "im different" is the cutest deadly thing in the world

@Anunak255

Жыл бұрын

No the "good night " 2:03

Its 14 years later and the 6 extra seconds of cooperation still makes me laugh

Since the Turrets were made 4 years after Cave Johnson apparently became a robot/clay head. There are 2 answers for this. 1- these are No longer canon 2- Cave Johnson made these ads while as a robot head underground just because he was bored.

@Metarockerlml

2 жыл бұрын

Some people think it's multiverse stuff

@J_dnvg

2 жыл бұрын

@@Metarockerlml Ah also possible. Perhaps its what happened to Dark Cave

@Godlovesyou772

2 жыл бұрын

Alternatively, 3- Grady doesn’t realize he “invented” something that had actually already been invented years before, and Cave is too preoccupied with wanting to die to care about the lack of originality. 😅

The writing is amazing

Those long fall boots don’t do anything chell is just a *BOSS*

I remember these fondly. Good times.

"We told this test subject to just try and land on her head" Chell being a badass and doing awesome moves. "Haha, she can't do it! Good work boots." Chell: Am I a joke to you?

@MrCREWCRUSHIN95

2 жыл бұрын

Lara Croft would kick her ass.

These type of scientific inventories with robotic beings like them are pretty insane and way badass i like that even the super bionic heavy landing mega boots were also dope wow!.

THIS is how you do it STANLEY!

When life gives you lemons, here’s what you do: First, squeeze the lemon just enough to break open the bajillion little juice sacs inside the fruit but not so hard as to puncture the peel. Next, insert a small zinc rod and a small copper rod into opposite ends of the lemon. Make sure that they DON’T TOUCH. Then attach a piece of copper wire to each of the two rods. When the two wires are brought together, they will produce a flow of electricity equal to about 0.9 volts. This flow of electricity can be used to start fires if both wires are brought into contact with anything flammable (paper, carpet, etc). CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve constructed your very own COMBUSTIBLE LEMON!

@thehypest6118

2 жыл бұрын

Wait

@Mikewee777

2 жыл бұрын

" Lemon'NADE " was the implied pun.

How did they go bankrupt if they had such good marketing.

@teknostyle5555

9 ай бұрын

Most of their products never left the testing phase. Plus, the resonance cascade happened.

Hmm i allready saw these when i played the game for myself but its for others who havent seen them good job!

If Chell went through a portal head first, doesn't that essentially mean the boots don't work?

@sirgordinni5154

7 жыл бұрын

It's not about how you enter a portal, it's about how you fall onto the floor.

@robolo4228

7 жыл бұрын

Sir Gordinni Straight from Cave Johnsons mouth

@beefchampion2792

7 жыл бұрын

She also landed on a boot and a knee, so she at least destroyed all bones in that one leg. :)

@b.lloydreese2030

5 жыл бұрын

Why don't you just marry safe science?

@unitrader403

4 жыл бұрын

@@beefchampion2792 the Boots are supposed to protect the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, not the Test Subjects. So they did their Job.

There is no baby in that crib. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@soulbound2

7 жыл бұрын

Lucy Knight maby they just want to protect the crib

@leafyplayzrobloxandmoar8126

5 жыл бұрын

Soul Bound The baby is probably invisible too

It’s funny how they care more about the equipment than the humans. like i the scene where she fell to her death, you’d expect them to help the person, but instead they grab the portal gun XD

"thats 65% more bullet per bullet"

I’m actually jealous of the humour here

"Plus, we fire the WHOLE bullet! That's 65% more bullet per bullet" SOLD

*0:19** think!!!!!*

@Intelligence_Core3

4 ай бұрын

Think Mark! Think! (Invincible reference, for anyone wondering)