Take your time and recover. We, the viewers I mean, are not going anywhere or forgetting you! "Problem shared is a problem doubled" more like it, when Autistic person speaks with other people when on verge of burnout. The interaction with other people is so insanely wearing when you are tired, no point. The sleeping advice is way more useful. I actually felt good one morning when I had slept for 9 hours or something like that. It of course lasted only about early afternoon, but it was a start. You are absolutely right about NT people not getting it. I missed lunch today, because I heard that some other people from our office were also about to go to lunch at the same time. I didn't go, because then I would have needed to sit and interact with them. I was hungry rest of the day. Funny or sad part is that the colleagues that "prevented" me from eating are actually really nice people and I like them, but talking was not on my menu today.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Many thanks. I get that totally. I've done that many a time too, missing lunch due to the social side, even if they are good people. Sleep is very important, just wish my body would accept that and let me stay under!

I experienced burnout just this week and needed to sleep it off. I can only imagine how I’d feel if that wasn’t an option. I’m sorry that you are taken advantage of by some when it’s clear that you are trying to do the right thing by helping. If only you worked somewhere that that sort of effort was appreciated and rewarded. This chat reminds me to be grateful for my workplace. We hope you feel better soon, Paul 👋

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Marie, lost many of what I assumed was a real friendship over my nature being taken advantage of. I just remind myself that I was the one who cared, so wasn't wrong 👍🏻

Thanks for this one, it’s very timely for me. I’m in the midst of time off work due to burnout, and I’m trying to relax to recharge but I think I let it go too long. Very helpful analogies with the phone, coins and mask. Me too

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hope you get recovery sooner than later Corri 👍🏻

That was the best video. It caused me to think about my job and how hard it was, and how hard I’ve always been on myself. For the majority of my life I only got 1 week off work per year. For a minority of it I got 2 weeks off per year. I didn’t have sick pay and was encouraged to go to work sick because my employer didn’t have any backup plan. My employer only closed for Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving…no bank holidays. I wasn’t paid well but my health care was provided, not that I had time to see a doctor much. Having said all that, burn out of any kind is familiar to me. I get migraines and can’t sleep. I went into recluse mode a few years ago and I get plenty of rest now. I hope you get better.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Catherine, I know recluse mode all too well. It suits me, but I become very robotic and wooden that it's not a good idea for me to stay that way for too long or I draw the thing I try to avoid...public attention!

Take care Paul ♥️

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Suveni 👍🏻

Hey Paul, I hope you get better soon. Thanks for this video (who cares when you made it), I can relate to so much of what you describe. I think you might have generalized anxiety disorder and that’s why you can’t sleep at night, I was exactly the same until I got my diagnosis and decided to stop working in order to recollect myself. That’s when I realized that most of my anxiety came from the outside, to a point that at a moment I even doubted my diagnosis because I felt so... good. That’s when I could start exploring the subtleties of my autism and start learning to adjust myself to them. It’s a journey. Masking is really draining mentally and physically. I can feel your anger and it’s mine too. It’s all about working in this society, if you can’t work you can’t survive and you are nobody. Even now that I said to some of my relatives that I have autism, they’re like : « so now you need to find a job that’s good for you » and I want to say : « Hold on, I need to recover, I am exhausted, I need to find myself back after all these years of masking and trying to fit in ». I am so grateful I have the support of my partner who works for two and supports me in this journey, but how many of us don’t have this chance ? People don’t understand the stress and anxiety that regular life can cause us. Take care of you 🙏

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Anabelle, that's very true. I'm definitely with you in exploring my subtleties in Autism. I don't just want to accept why I do things...I want to know why too. Can I change it, is it beneficial, can I improve etc. I always do that. There are somethings that are a fixture with no chance of change, but it's not for everything.

Paul, sorry you are unwell. Take care of yourself and get well soon. I probably have burnouts several times a month. If I get overloaded by something I can crash for a day up to a week. I have had a few that have lasted several months. Though I haven’t had a long one in a long time. 🤞 You mentioned comorbidity and I think the ADHD plays a big role in my burnouts. I will have days where I can’t accomplish anything and then I start the think I will never accomplish anything and so on. Getting up to get a class of water for example can lead to a ruined day for me. At the end of the day my partner will say why is the TV remote in the fridge? Well I was working on pay bills and I got for a glass of water and I noticed the kitchen was untidy and then….! Though if I have a day where everything has changed, schedules aren’t kept then I will most likely crash and burn🙃. Things like that have to pile up a bit before it will bring me down. I recharge with my alone time that I try and take every day. Sometimes an hour works, other times I need a lot more time. Sleeping, I am with you man. Its a struggle most times for me to sleep. Five hours is a great night for me. My response is a bit scattered asI am a bit scattered. Wonderful that you have a few shows in the can as it were. This one was excellent. I do think that autism burnout is different for us than maybe for NT’s in that we have strict structures and routines that we must follow, we mask to fit in, we over think a lot and have sensory issues. Wow I said we and should have said I! Not meaning to speak for everyone! Take care Paul see you on the next one!

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Haha, you put the remote in the fridge too? Definitely an Autistic thing! I know what you mean, I get a bunch of mini versions of burnouts, the big ones though become my entire occupation and impact every thought no matter how removed. Hopefully my sleep will kick in tonight, I've been awake continually for 38 hours now. If only I could feel the 😴

@bryanmerton5153

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism You must be feeling better. A couple of good night sleeps will do the trick.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Still not great, but had a few things ruled out 👍🏻

Holidays... agree completely! Pre-pandemic, I was always scraping the bottom of the barrel with my holidays... often taking "half days" and just going home at lunch and not returning. Now (work from home + autism diagnosis) I understand why I did that. When I would save up enough hours to go on an actual (family of 5) vacation... I would be utterly drained upon return and just a zombie for a week-plus until I could slowly recharge. Makes it very difficult to be cheery and present for the wife and kids on the trip or whatever... when I know the exhaustion I have looming ahead. Been looking forward to a video from you. I was glad to have one to watch while I ate my dinner and nodded my head in agreement while stuffing my face ;-) Hope you begin feeling well soon... take care.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Haha, glad to keep you company whilst you stuff your face 😂

Hi Paul, I understand what you were saying about having negative thoughts that can creep into your head especially when you are trying to sleep,I had this happen to me the other night and when it does happen I find it horrible as the more I try and get these negative thoughts out my head ( mostly about things that were out of my control in the past ) the more the negative thoughts flood in, luckily this does not happen to much for me but when it does I find that it can leave me in a low mood and affects my self esteem for several days until I get back on track again.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Jason, that's absolutely the case for me. I feel beaten by them. Unwelcome, unwanted, but there anyway. If it was real life, I live every emotion again like the first time, and then feel rubbish when I come away from it.

@jasonclarke7422

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism hope you are feeling better mate.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Time will tell, a few lifestyle changes are needed.

Hi Paul, sorry it's been awhile since I've commented on one of your videos. Just want to say this is a really great video and is very relatable to me. When I started my new job in December 2021I tried to explain these things that you've said in the videos to my employers and coworkers. I have been there for a month and two weeks now and still no one seems to understand about my recharge time. They don't understand my strict routines before work and at work and how I need absolute silence and keeping focused when I try to meet my quota at work. When I get days off work I have a strict routine on those days as well and I need to have those days off work to recharge. I don't need them calling me to come into work on my days off or messaging me just to have a chat. I think to myself... What more do you want from me, I chat with you all during the whole shift at work isn't that enough? One of my co-workers has autism she is 18 years younger than me though. I tried to explain these things to her and also tried to tell her on my days off work I really don't feel like having conversations through text or phone calls nor do I like to have conversation before I have to go into work or after work. For some reason she doesn't even understand any of this and will constantly text and call me everyday of the week morning and night. I try to put it nicely when I convey... please don't call me I'll call you when I'm in the mood to talk. There's so much more I could say about all this in detail, but just trying to put my frustrations into words on this comment is a bit frustrating, lol. Anyways what I'm trying to say is I totally understand what you're talking about in this video! I truly hope you're getting your recharge time now. Today is my day off work and I'm definitely trying to get my recharge accomplished. Just glad I was in the mood to make a comment. Keep smiling Paul 😃

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hey Kris, The routines we have are important, and needed! Although mine needs to change a little as its too sedentary and it's not doing me much good. The problem is, it takes more and more to mix these days that I need to strip back my recharge time more and more. Maybe the Autistic collegue it happy to have found someone who they could possibly relate to? Or think you recharge because of non Autistic people, so boundaries don't apply to Autistic people? But then, I have two phone numbers. My main one for my choice of personal, and a cheap second sim that is more for monitoring and keeping people back. Only WiFi linked so only get access to messages when home etc. I did that as I found I was too involved with other people, and didn't get what I needed...the recharge!

@kristalsiders3843

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism Yes, my coworker was really excited about meeting me because I could relate to and understand her. After I told her I knew all about autism she immediately wanted my phone number. I really wasn't looking for a new friend, but I didn't want to say no because I know how hard it is to find people that understand autism. I'm a mostly low mood and loner type of person and she is very energetic, sociable, and well younger than her age mentally. So those differences between us makes it a little hard for me to connect with her. She does have a hard time understanding personal space. She doesn't have very many adults in her life to guide her. So, she does look for a mother figure and well I guess she felt I would be a good one for her, lol. Her mother lives in another state so… She juggles two jobs and is constantly busy. I honestly think she hasn't experienced burnout yet and that may be why she doesn't understand the recharge time. I think when she gets a little older she will eventually experience burnout and start to understand what recharge really means.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

She sounds like I used to be, and you sound like I am now. As with everything, it's just moderation. Nothing wrong with a little chat over a coffee break to explain your perspective of what your Autism needs vs what she might be looking for. I miss that energy and interest, but I don't miss the passive person I was with it. It got me used and taken advantage of more often than not. Hopefully a little nudge in the right direction won't go amiss!

Wow! Stumbled on your channel, sounded like me talking…I mean the thoughts. Finding years of masking has drained me to the point I find it harder and to rebuild myself. At 57, I just don’t have the energy to be everything the world needs me to be. Thanks for this straight talk, all of it so true.

@AdultwithAutism

13 күн бұрын

No worries. Glad you stumbled across it 👍🏻

I can fully understand. My declining living standards only exasperate the problem. I had a pay cut on my soul sucking job and left my apartment to move into a camper. I was born in the wrong generation to have autism where there is no help, or higher education. It doesn't even seem worth it anymore.

@AdultwithAutism

7 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear that. It will never make sense to me how self aware Autistic Adults are not being used to learn about Autism. Instead we're kicked to the cold so they can study mice for some reason. All the while, we get zero assistance. It is unfair.

'everytime you burnout and have to recharge you lose a bit of yourself' - what do you mean? For example does your taste change permanently? I ask because my tastes have changed and i can't speak now (it's been 5 days). I couldn't move my arms I was so exhausted and then next day woke up and was slurring my words, which turned to a stutter which became more severe the more I tried..... if I could get any words out at all. I'm almost your age. Imagine if you woke up having never had a speech issue EVER. I thought I'd had a stroke! Got head scans and stuff and I'm physically 'fine'. Dr is guessing anxiety but given the lead up to this being the LEAST anxious I'd been in months and first time id had gotten any rest, I think it might be autistic burnout. I'm curious if you Paul or anyone else in the comments have burned out to point of being unable to move their arms theyre so exhausted or lost their speech? I hope you feel better soon and thanks for the perfect timing of your topic of 'waffle'. Keep smiling X

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Gem, Yes, I do mean you change permanently. It might be that you need longer to recharge, or now need to avoid certain things as you know it's difficult to recover from. Like I cut Xmas out completely with family as over the years, the weight grew and grew until it broke me. I wish I'd have backed away sooner so it was something to revisit with amendments, rather than it being damaged beyond repair for me mentally. I've not had burnout thay severe. But it has left me in a delayed response. Such as if someone shouted you to come to eat..I stay seated where I was because it was like I was watching and hearing though someone else's body, but I didn't have the control to make the body move...but also didn't feel I needed to. I've also had delayed response in conversation. Almost like you digest what has been said, take a breath and are ready to speak...but you don't, and again, it's feels like you don't need to. All sorts of different ways to be honest. You'd never think it but I've gone mute for a while too. Speak for work, but then don't see a purpose to verbally engage. So small similarities in the lack of reaction and stimulation maybe?

I am currently going through a burnout. I had no idea this was a thing, thanks for the video, made me look this up and begin to figure out what I need. I can't keep my mask up, I have the urge to snap at people, and I'm stuck in a conference for work. Isn't it amazing when you look for the seat farthest from everyone, and someone sits down next to you....

@AdultwithAutism

Жыл бұрын

I can't keep my mask up either Michael. Its almost like my mask in sunscreen, and it protects me from the sun...but in my case it protects me from norms and expectations. When it slips because its too heavy, it let's them get to me a whole lot more than when it was in place.

just found your channel after listening to this episode on spotify. your spoon theory comment is exactly what i thought when i heard about it, got a chuckle and a sub out of me.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Haha, good stuff. A bit of logic hurt nobody 😂

Hope you get well. Had the same thoughts about the spoon theory. Your approach makes more sense.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Gerry. Those spoons get everywhere...

You make amazing cointent bro! Keep up the good work! A great ressource for someone like me who works with autistic kids.

@AdultwithAutism

3 ай бұрын

Much appreciated.

I thought for sure you were gonna say "I'm m not an educator; I'm just an autistic bloke." One of my sons was diagnosed when he was 4 as high-functioning. He's done really well for the last 5 years and he's almost 22. But now I'm starting to see a lot of struggles he's having around career. He's having a hard time staying employed now because he doesn't want to play "The Game." He tried being self-employed for a week and a half and that just blew up because he's too disorganized and he got very overwhelmed with managing everything.

@AdultwithAutism

20 күн бұрын

The game to play is finding the immediate line manager you can work for...not the company. And then follow them around...like I've done. I'm definitely just an Autistic bloke, certainly not an educator! 👍🏻

I've had burnouts I've hardly been able to recover from, and now hardly anything triggers breaks being pushed, like there's an anvil on my chest, I can't breathe, etc., and it makes it hard to get anything done or keep going. The last burnout made me incapable of anything for a good 7-8 years. I'm trying again, but this world isn't built for autism, so I'm just hoping I can reach my goal before I burn out again.. Also just noticing that you're burning out makes you panic and stress out, sucking away precious energy you need. It's just so tiresome. I've read about burnouts online and they always frame them as something that isn't chronic and that you can recover from, but I've never truly experienced that. Only small recoveries, but as you said, tinier and tinier ranges of energy each time.

@tomsale5142

3 ай бұрын

Do you have fybromyalgia symptoms with your burnout

@ZeonGenesis

3 ай бұрын

@@tomsale5142 They've developed into M.E., so yes!

Hey Paul, I'm 28 male from Germany and got diagnosed recently - after two years of being already on the autism-research-special-interest because I strongly believed I'd be autistic. As you mentioned - to know who one is, is the biggest challenge for me, I found myself 1:1 in being what the people needed me to be. Just with having the diagnosis recently I started to think about on another layer than I did before about who I really am, because now I've it black on white proven, that I'm autistic. I feel super burned out, I wanted to know if anyone experiences as well a loss of joy in special interests or in general things one used to get fun out of - in burnout stage. I meltdown nowadays almost every day one or even two times, one time in the middle of a meeting, because another manager just suggested something totally useless and stupid, which would have had effected my division in a really negative way (additional that it was completely out of touch with reality) and everyone seemed to be cheering at his idea... However, I lost the red line. I didn't meltdown there. But in the evening at home I did. I find myself here at home in the evenings almost like I'm mad. I find myself leaning in front of my kitchen shelf and staring at my table - for one hour. Then I start walking around, don't know what to do really, ordering a few things, turning on the laptop, turning it off, turning on the TV, staring at the start display of it and turn it off again. I'm not even able to read a book anymore and since psychology is my special interest, I love to read books about whatever related to it, my whole flat is paved with these books. I don't even find the energy to make myself dinner, so I position myself in different parts of my flat, listening to podcasts (as yours) and do laundry or clean. I should be tired I guess in the evening, but I can't sleep until 3 or 4 - and then I get up between 7 or 8 and I feel tired until 12pm. Then it works somehow. Even on the weekends I can't do anything joyful. I get even totally mad inside already when I've to go to my nearby supermarket, just because of the people walking around and talking and to talk to the cashier, just to say "hello", "I'd like to pay by card", "have a good home time later on" is as intense as an escape from an attacking T-Rex - not that I know that from experience, but I imagine it kind of, well, intense. Is this how other autistics experience it as well? I just wanted to gain some insight on that one. Like your channel alot, very relatable oftentimes, it safes my evenings these days, cause I binge-watch your videos. That keeps me sane when I lean against my kitchen shelf. Greetings and thanks for sharing your experience.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi, and thanks for the message. I fully understand and know the feelings you talk of as j have experienced them all. I go through phases still where I don't enjoy the things that usually help me recharge or bring me peace. Sometimes it can be for a reason, other times it's just something I cannot control. But everything has a root cause, and it's being able to find the root cause to why. What's changed? Why is it now affecting you? Why can you not recharge? Why is there a barrier? For me, it is usually work related. It used to be personal too until I stripped myself to the core to rebuild myself. I questioned everything I did and found I did a lot of things unconsciously...even things that I found detrimental. The work situation you talk about, that has just happened to me...so have resigned (which is my next video), because I was staying somewhere hnhappy which impacted me exactly the same as you with loss of sleep and no interests. So I definitely relate. Nothing brings me peace rest or recharge in those situations. Only time and putting yourself and your needs first will be the healer. And the healing will happen. The other part is, it does get harder as you get older unfortunately. But this is why it is so important to be true to yourself, to make sure you protect your mentality. You're not alone in how you feel, but there are ways through it. It's making sure you do what benefits you without feeling selfish. You're allowed the level of care and attention your mindset requires 👍🏻

@Gandalf_the_quantum_G

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism Your answer really made me feel better and start thinking as well about the questions you asked. Specially when you mentioned, that you experienced this feelings too, that made me feel a relief. I don't have any autistic friends or at least someone, that is autistic, so it was very comforting to get an answer from someone knowing about this feelings. Thank you for asking the right questions and giving me this nudge in the right direction.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

No problem. You'll get there 👍🏻

@ssing7113

Жыл бұрын

Super autistic response ( it’s evaluation ) Been here man. I think it might half play on chemical / depression / overload of stress. I suggest you start looking at the stress points and alleviate some of those stressful things. I believe you’re dealing with overload of stress along with introspection of “hey this is me and autism”. Before my evaluation I could deal with more stress as I wasn’t aware… so I believe you’re experiencing the internal chatter of saying hey too too much going on.. I write lists of things that I need done or on my mind. Then put the most important on top and cut trying to do and lower the load. Take time to slump and heal and recharge.. then slowly start integrating again and witness how it’s going and when ready for more add a little little more at a time.. Another thing that is super important to autism that might be core and to clean up slowly over time. Diet. Exercise or movement. Sleep. These tweak everything out so much worse of daily life You’ll get through man. It’s a phase

@AdultwithAutism

Жыл бұрын

Yep, the ebbs and flows of life. I do a ton of self management and preservation, but such is life, every now and again a level trickles through that gets past the defences and takes hold. Thankfully I'm not in this state currently, just trying to recharge from a mini meltdown instead!

It’s called speaking your truth.. :) I hear you and I’m currently struggling with burning out big time working on a complex appeal for over 6 months and it’s still going.. our brains are always so busy and our batteries are always low. I hope you’re feeling better now?

@AdultwithAutism

Жыл бұрын

Just getting over a mini meltdown which the latest video covered. Seems I'm having them more often as I get older...the mask is harder to keep on! Hope you get to recover soon.

@MOJORAPSCALLION

Жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism you too it’s hard isn’t it I feel the struggle too the older I get the harder it all seems wishing you to feel better soon. Look after yourself :)

@AdultwithAutism

Жыл бұрын

I'll always try 👍🏻

Always thinking! 😮‍💨 😭 I really don't know what I want or who I am anymore because I believe in the mask but it's broken and don't know anything anymore... But your right what do I want? I don't even know.

@AdultwithAutism

5 ай бұрын

We have to pay attention to the mask as we change...but the mask doesn't. It is a construct, and we have to change it alongside our life changes, otherwise it becomes a prison 👍🏼

Hey Paul are you alright? 👏🏾I haven’t had time to catch up on videos recently!

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Cherry. I'm not too bad thanks. Hope all is well your end.

Coins...perfect☺

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Better than Spoons...it's never made sense to me. Why do I care about running out of spoons? 😂

@karenw8722

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism I just googled spoon theory, and it's interesting; but your Coin theory needs no back story, and no explanation. "I can't go out because my wallet is empty." Who is gonna argue with that?!? (Well I'm sure someone would, but you know what I mean.) "I'm spent." I think it's perfect. 🙂

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Definitely makes more sense. What's the worst thing that can happen if I'm out of spoons? I can't have soup? I'll have a sandwich instead. 😂

@karenw8722

2 жыл бұрын

@@AdultwithAutism 🤣🤣🤣

Get some rest if you can.

@AdultwithAutism

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Nancy, thanks 👍🏻

I respect your opinion although I don’t completely agree about sexuality. From knowledge I have there is significant connection? correlation? between autism and sexuality (both about who you feel to be and who you like to ekhm). Unfortunately didn’t have too much energy this days to research the topic more.

@AdultwithAutism

11 ай бұрын

We're allowed different opinions, it's why they're opinions. It may be connected for some, just not for me and my version of Autism. For myself and my design, it is two separate things completely 👍🏻

Xddddd 😊😊😊

@AdultwithAutism

Жыл бұрын

👍🏻