Everything takes more energy for those of us who are neurodivergent. Neurotypicals absolutely do not get it. I've been trying since my diagnosis 3 years ago, at age 58, to convince my wife. She still sees it as bogus. (Though she won't admit it. "We all struggle with those things!" Um, not the way I/we do....) When I look back at jobs, our relationship, lack of friends, my current work and struggles and the rest of my life, ADHD explains ALL of the struggles. And anxiety, depression, burnout, straining towards goals, losing focus, hyper focus, shiny new objects, trying to fend off demanding neurotypical brains, being constantly worried about failing and getting fired, exhaustion... all these and more seem to be normal for people with ADHD. Both hands raised on the procrastinating thing. I'm a professional level procrastinator.

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

I so get you on this, but I also want to invite you to try and focus less on the past challenges. Don't let them define you. I'm sure there's a lot of great experiences and successes you've had as well as hard times. Let those define you. Not to be pollyanna, but to balance your personal narrative and identity.

@tomfilipiak690

2 ай бұрын

@@CarenMagillThanks for the encouragement. Indeed, I have achieved much. I just wished I would have known earlier and could get my wife's buy in. Some things could be better now but a lot of things are on point and very good.

@yuliyahrybachova6473

2 ай бұрын

@@tomfilipiak690how do you think “getting your wife’s buy in” would change anything? You’d just feel more understood or is it something else?

@cozycasasmr4510

2 ай бұрын

​@@yuliyahrybachova6473it feels diminishing when your family who claims to love you the most dismisses your struggles, that's just my 2c

@tomfilipiak690

Ай бұрын

@@yuliyahrybachova6473 She doesn't see the struggle as real. "Everyone has those struggles!" (Not to the level we do!) She has not read books or watched the videos to tried to understand how the ADHD affects me and our relationship. She has been very dismissive. The struggle is huge for us neurodivergent brains. I would like her to actually acknowledge the struggle is real and learn how she could help.

Burned out…and still getting nothing done- its like, What am I doing?

@christian.hayden

Ай бұрын

This is it

@capriquarius9861

Ай бұрын

Exactly.

@dannabettyful

29 күн бұрын

Ugh I feel this to my core

@cierraword6056

22 күн бұрын

Omg this is me

I never made the connection between interoception and some of my hyper focused state. It makes so much sense. Yesterday at work I had to get things done and any interruption was upsetting me because I was afraid if I stopped or walked away I wouldn’t be able to refocus. I disconnected from the need to use the restroom, drink, move my body etc. when I got up, it all came into my awareness.

Yes! Thanks for mentioning dealing with cluttered spaces that drain your energy! It also gives me energy to declutter it, and also gives me energy to help others do their spaces , but it took me many years to catch on to this. It is such a tax on us. Having functional home and work spaces is huge for us ADHD folks. It allows more space in our brains to take care of other things we find challenging. Solving a clutter problem can be a huge confidence boost as well. For me, because I was finally successful decluttering, I know it is possible to problem solve my other adhd issues.

@bl8388

Ай бұрын

Me, too. I found putting, "F you trash," inside my trash can cheers me up. Every time I declutter and get more trash to chuck I see that helpful reminder. (Flicks off a pile of trash on the edge of the dinner table)

I got hit with diagnoses of autism Aspergers and adhd along with stage 4 cancer It about did me in

@sommercastor4146

17 күн бұрын

I cannot imagine. I just survived a stage IV cancer diagnosis and treatment and am currently in a state of stagnation. It is a fight between starting new interests and never finishing to being too..I'm not sure what to call it, afraid maybe, stuck. Unable to do anything. I'm going to try a therapist, again, to see if they can help. Let's see if I can finish going to all the sessions and following through with the suggested treatment. It is a heavy thing, the cancer I mean. I spent so much ti.e focusing in other things just to survive mentally. I kept it in my head that I would live through it and if I had doubts, I cried and threw my fit then self talked until I knew I would survive again. Find your own sweet spot. Find that thing that will allow you to get through it and try talking to someone outside your circle. It is likely your loved ones will not understand. Even those who have had cancer, and having someone to work your feelings out with who won't be offended by your reactions to your loved ones. Take care and survive.

When i reach the end of a Burnoutcycle, when i CRASH, nothing feels good from the list of positive things. When i look at that list all i feel is TIRED. And then i get scared that the Positive List has been broken somehow. 😣

@Sarm8

Ай бұрын

I'm the same. Nothing sounds fun, nothing gives me energy. I've been stuck in burnout for over 6 months and it's so horrible. I don't know what to do

@capriquarius9861

Ай бұрын

Yes. 😢

@nanasabia

24 күн бұрын

@@Sarm8you dear one are in shutdown mode. Need to do somatic workouts, vagus exercise and slowly take it slow. Step by step. If you can do somatic experiencing with a practitioner and/or body based trauma therapy. It takes time But little steps. Then work on establishing resources in your life.

@Sarm8

24 күн бұрын

@@nanasabia thank you, I'll look into it.

issues with emotional dysregulation can also be due to emotional trauma causing ADHD or similar symptoms that led to the (self)diagnosis

@Heyu7her3

2 ай бұрын

Yes, this is why it's important that psychologists use actual evaluation instruments & not just self-reported symptoms.

@Dippmip

2 ай бұрын

@@Heyu7her3 ok but this type of coaching can help both whether ur ADHD was caused by emotional trauma or brain injury

@Heyu7her3

2 ай бұрын

​@@Dippmip Wait where did I say it wasn't? But executive functioning support along with trauma therapy provide the best prognosis to healing C-PTSD. I'm working on both now... only I'll still have my ADHD once I've completed the therapies

@Dippmip

2 ай бұрын

@@Heyu7her3 and how is it ruled out that your ADHD is not caused by emotional trauma?

@Cal760

2 ай бұрын

@@Dippmipthese are not the only causes of ADHD, actually in the case of these two it isn’t ADHD, even if they could have symptoms in common. ADHD is ADHD itself with all the fundamental characteristics of a psychopathology, being neuro cause or not, being constant, being influenced by genetic and environmental factors etc

My fight or flight is so active most of the time. Only family/friend camaraderie or THC calms me down. I’m definitely writing down your suggestions to practice. 💃🏽🧘🏽‍♀️

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

THis is me, too. I'm working on ways to change it, but it's not easy!

@kendra1122

Ай бұрын

Same fight or flight a lot of time

..."busy ambitious brains"...so perfect! 😘

All good advice. We all have to learn to make time for ourselves. I rarely schedule any of the positive stuff but I will from now on. Procrastination still eats up a lot of my time, but I'm getting a handle on that too. 🙂

I have just self diagnosed with auDHD in the last couple of months, and waiting ifor a diagnosis. I feel like everything is a drain right now. I literally can't think of anything to put in the list for energy giving. There has been constant change in my life for the past 5 or so years and I just can't function anymore. There's plenty of stuff I used to do that energised me, but every time I try any of them right now, I'm done witin about 10 minutes, maybe half an hour max. Has anyone else experienced this or have any suggestions? Or do I just keep going with things no matter how short the time and hope it gets easier?

I am 51 and was diagnosed in November 2023. My teen has it too.

@Maxxbeats

Ай бұрын

literally same here lol

Perfect timing! I am listening while I am currently exhausted from the work week. Looking forward to the advice 💜

Thanks Caren, these always seem to be timed perfectly to what's going on in this "broken" brain. Cheers

@sacredgeek

2 ай бұрын

That brain isn't broken, it is the society that shuns and tries to remove those with brains that don't fit their perfect "imaginary slave" model, however, is broken

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

I second what @sacredgeek said. Your brain is far from broken. It may not fit the stereotypical model of what is "normal", but normal isn't interesting. YOU are.

@chrisbinnett5923

2 ай бұрын

I put broken in quotes because I have always felt normal in my mind, it's all I've ever known. I realize now that with a little work and knowledge I have a better chance to sync the two things up and feel more harmonious. Thanks for the concern folks! Cheers

Thank you. This explains so much. I rarely do any of the things that pour back into me. I just work until I collapse and then can't do anything else.

@willywagtail4182

2 ай бұрын

Same❤

Love this video! There are many reasons why ADHD symptoms show up for so many people. As someone who has lived with ADHD all my life as well as being an ADHD therapist and a parent with ADHD children, I help people understand why we think, feel and behave the way we do. There is an answer! There are many more ways to treat ADHD other than being diagnosed and given medication. Other ways to help understand who you are and how to nurture those qualities. More importantly, there is nothing wrong with us! In fact no two people in the world are alike. We are all unique individuals and that is why my mission is to help people discover their unique gifts. Go discover your gifts!

The "Think about a time when things were going great" is such good advice, yet it lead me to a bitter realization. I can remember very little about my life before starting high school (I had a rough high school, and especially the beginning of going there was definitely a trauma for me), and afterwards things were just never really going great. :// And I'm now 40...

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

Our brains will register whatever is most prominent in our minds and that's what gets lodged in our long term memory. So it's no wonder that you can only think of hard times. But that doesn't mean you haven't had successes or great experiences. It just means you're far less likely to remember them. This process takes work, but it's worth it.

@9xqspx6

2 ай бұрын

@@CarenMagill(I'm just now seeing your reply, as I came back to re-listen - youtube gave me no notification about it.) Thank you for your comment. I've also noticed that I don't have clear memories of the really tough things that happened. It seems like my mind's way of self-protection is to just trash bin memories.

@nanasabia

24 күн бұрын

@@CarenMagillalso from nervous system work/trauma therapy we know: “story follows state”

@Biiku_

13 күн бұрын

I'm in a similar spot. I don't know what a self is, so the advice to improve my self esteem has been baffling for me. Still trying. Right now, I'm depressed. So today's goals were shower and clothes.

@9xqspx6

12 күн бұрын

​@@Biiku_ I found that listening to music that you love helps. And the jolly joker: moving your body! Chances are that you really don't feel like moving at all. But even if you do something very minimal, it can make you feel unexpectedly much better. Sometimes I only do this 5-minutes warmup and it makes me feel like a different person afterwards: kzread.info/dash/bejne/a6Z6uc2ThszfXaw.htmlsi=1UsVcLferM8vvCLB&t=343 Or put on music that you know will make you want to move with it - and do move. I hope you'll feel better.

Well the best i felt in the last years was having a job without responsibility... But the pay wasn't enough to sustain my cost of living... I really miss that times... 😢

I always love your videos @carenmcgill ! Thank you so much for your content. I've just completed my lists 😊 3 points I'd like to add in case anyone finds them helpful: - Try reframing your energy suckers as positives if you can (eg, Energy suck = cluttered room *becomes* Energy booster = tidy room where everything is in it's place), your Energy Suck list will be much shorter and far less depressing! - Distinguish between the original boosters and the new former suck list booster with an identifier eg, + for booster OG and ++for the new framed boosters. Chunk the reframed boosters down to micro tasks, eg the tidy room *might start as* ++tidy paper on office desk, ++organise pens on office desk, ++use anti bac cloth to wipe clean office desk. Put all other room tasks in the 'car park'. Tackle 2x microtasks plus 1x maintain area (eg, table) per day. Have tools such as anti-bac cloth in the area for ease. - Personally I love chalk pens . They're bright and eye catching and can be used to write your tasks on your windows, mirror or on the glass of a nice stylish empty picture frame. The writing wipes off with a microfibre cloth.

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

I love this!! Thank you for sharing :)

Great video! I'll definitely journal on those exercises when I get time later today. Lots to ponder. ☺️ Question: Have you read the book Stolen Focus by Johann Hari? I think it might be useful to ADHDers. It's about the 12 things that make it harder for people today to, well, do stuff. ADHD is only one of them. It's very well researched. I'm only halfway through the book, but it's helping me reframe a lot of things.

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

Hi, I haven’t heard of that book but I’ll check it out.

I really appreciate this video! Thank you

I really like this, just found your channel. Thank you!

Your videos are helping me so much! Thank you for seeing me

Was recently re diagnosed and I got back on medication. Helps so much.

My cats are ADHD MORE THAN ME 😂. My career in engineering and management helped me a lot. With Ashwaghanda and ginseng I manage short, intense projects, then crash and rest.

Thank you so much for this video I have researched a lot of things for bournout and it’s been difficult find Someone who is actually talking about it for people with ADHD. This method and the way you explained it. Makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much 🖤🖤🖤

I can’t thank you enough for being so relatable and engaging, this makes it so much easier to listen and learn. Your videos have helped me to improve my wellbeing and I appreciate you for this. ❤

Nice info! Thanks

This was good. For people with constant focus aiming disorders, this helps improve our overall ability to stay awake, less burned out, and more able to get important tasks done.

I'm getting so many great new ideas and revelations/realizations from your videos, thank you Caren. It often happens that I need to stop the video to take notes and explore the new idea that I've gotten.

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

You are so welcome!

Having diagnosed complex, PTSD and just recently diagnosed ADHD. There is definitely an overlap in some areas. I have been disregulated since childhood so I’m used to being so burnt out. Would you ever consider doing a video on CPTSD and ADHD. I know with CPTSD sleep deprivation can attribute to burnout and then everything on top of this is so difficult to function in life.

@jenA9026

Ай бұрын

Same here. Diagnosed with both cptsd and adhd at age 57. Life has been a struggle, but I finally now understand why. Wishing you all the best.

@MissiJade

Ай бұрын

@@jenA9026 I am sending you strength in your healing ❤️‍🩹. I wish the best for your future. I wish there was more information on both diagnosis together. I was diagnosed with CPTSD when I was in my early twenties however I’m 45 and just recently diagnosed with ADHD. So many health professionals have told me that I have both but I thought that you had to have signs of hyperactivity in order to have ADHD so I dismissed it and it’s only recently I have learned that there is two types. Did you have a similar experience?

@MissiJade

Ай бұрын

@@jenA9026 I forgot to mention that I am still learning about both because I have no family support and my fiancé passed away four years ago in tragic circumstances and he was only 38. This brought the walls down for everything from childhood. I’m doing my best to learn about the symptoms that I am experiencing but I can barely function and being so isolated I feel amplifies everything

Great video!

Oh, thank you. I am looking for self-help informations but it seems the moat people prefer to talk about symptoms.

I only realised that I’ve got adhd because I had chronic fatigue that ended in burn out, and there was nothing else that was really wrong with me. Other than sleep apnea, and previously diagnosed anxiety

Thank you very much.. You are amaizing ❤🤗😘💐

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

You're welcome 😊

Do you have any thoughts about dissociation as a coping mechanism which makes it difficult to recall anything?

Just began Vyvanse and for the first time I experienced conflict with my husband WITHOUT spiraling into the darkness of RSD! Oh my word. Is this what normal feels like?

Can your channel also be for adults who have had a diagnosis for a loooong time but never understood it fully, just thinking it was an inability to focus. Doctors never bothered to dig deeper. Only prescribed medication. I’ve felt like the biggest failure for so long but I understand now that I can’t look at it or myself that way.

@willywagtail4182

2 ай бұрын

Same diagnosed late 50s❤

Does anyone know of yes medications to help to focus .. the suggestions here are good!

Good.

I will be honest... Listening to you about the list you mention that drains my energy, and for me it's my flat... Its cluttered and messy... And just thinking about it is draining me. Most days I sleep... I sleep all day and at night I'm awake trying to sleep... Nothing gets done and I'm in this cycle for a while....

I really want you for a coach! What medication wise do you recommend or not recommend?

In addition, the more you’re disregulated, the more that seems normal. For years I didn’t understand everything I was going through on a day to day basis wasn’t “normal”. Normal in quotes because I understand everyone’s experience is different. Also, using chat gpt in that way is a fantastic use of ai. Chat gpt has been a game changer for me, but I never thought about using it for something like this.

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

100% agree on the disregulation peice.

@jenniferdehart2403

2 ай бұрын

what kinds of things does chat gt help you with? I guess I beed to get comfortable playing around with it

I would like to connect the information and advice in this video with the info and advice in this one: kzread.info/dash/bejne/aYqataWKnqrMm5c.html It's about overwhelm and how it is related to the ratio between one's passive challenges and active challenges. I see a very strong connection between active challenges (that one is choosing for one's self) and things that give you energy (that Caren talks about in this video), and subsequently a relation between passive challenges and things that drain your energy. Thought to share this, as it may help someone to combine these two ideas, as it did help me. I have issues with feeling stuck and hence feeling frustrated, and procrastination. I've noticed that if I manage to tackle a smaller task, that by no means is an important one, it can get the ball rolling, and may help me to shake off the frustration and start to make progress with the important things as well. I feel like this video, and the video I linked above are giving an explanation to this. And also more tools and ideas how to better work on the issue.

Which tool can take my voice recordings and using ai make sense of them? 🙏🙏🙏

Thankyou

@Annalorraine67

2 ай бұрын

I have repressed my emotions so much

I also think the 5 days is just not a balance that works for me I've found what helps me and part time is definitely way better but finding the right work and work environment is also crucial but a never ending struggle honestly give me a block of land with some animals a veggie garden close to the ocean allowing me to channel my creativity time in nature for grounding and moving my body meditation a simple life is all I desire that what resonates with my soul my values the rat race is honestly not for me it's chaos and makes for a miserable existence ✨🦋 🌊🐳🌞

Understanding is a cognitive process related to an abstract or physical object, such as a person, situation, or message whereby one is able to use concepts to model that object. Understanding is a relation between the knower and an object of understanding. Understanding implies abilities and dispositions with respect to an object of knowledge that are sufficient to support intelligent behavior.[1] Understanding is often, though not always, related to learning concepts, and sometimes also the theory or theories associated with those concepts. However, a person may have a good ability to predict the behavior of an object, animal or system-and therefore may, in some sense, understand it-without necessarily being familiar with the concepts or theories associated with that object, animal, or system in their culture. They may have developed their own distinct concepts and theories, which may be equivalent, better or worse than the recognized standard concepts and theories of their culture. Thus, understanding is correlated with the ability to make inferences.

1:59 I found this but very interesting... and very intriguing. So... one question. When this "buildup" stage is engaged in a spiraling-down consequence of negative mental content, it is quite accurate to point out our issues in the Problem Solving department, don't you all agree? So... 🤔 why the hell we ADHDers are matched with Programming/Software Developers job functions where Problem Solving and challenges are... engaging? 🤔 PS: of course, I understand I already gave the answer to these questions, but my point was actually... pointing out how interesting these sort of incoherences are.

What do you do when your kids are the main thing that takes every bit of energy and you don’t enjoy parenthood most of the time . I just wish sometimes that as much as I love them I wasn’t their mom and that I am the worst parent they could have had because everything I do for them feels like obligation and I don’t enjoy any of it.

I’m not I just get hyper my brain can feel it but I just learnt I have it.

I found this video useful

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

Glad to hear that

Anyone else got the opposite issue with interoception where they're overly aware of their body and all the processes and sensations and find it massively distracting? I've been working on distress tolerance in regards to that stuff and I do see a difference but I just dont see it spoken about so much. Although i was working on getting myself used to the feelong of needing to pee cos i was overly aware of my bladder and it ended up at the opposite extreme where i couldnt tell and ended up getting kidney pain because I went so long without peeing 😂🤦‍♀️ we are a weird bunch of grapes, aren't we?

One of my main "tolerations" is working at my job with ADHD. How do I apply your strategy with something that has to stay in my life.? How do I get rid of a toleration in this area? Another question I have is what if one thing that drains me, is also something that buffers me? For example social media. Thanks

@syddawn8802

Ай бұрын

Yes yes yes! I feel the exact way. I’m thinking maybe navigating how I show up to my job differently? Like I know I can scale back a bit and still be a great employee. I talk quite a bit at work and I know that drains me. So for me, maybe scaling back the talking even if it’s something I really want to talk about. Maybe finding ways to say it in less words!

I peed my pants in the parking lot yesterday. I half did it again today. So embarressd because it happened infront of my 3 year old who was potty trained by 18 months😢😢😢😢

Nice to meet everyone!! Are there any business owners here?

Journalling does not work for me because i have alexithymia.....

@Dancestar1981

26 күн бұрын

Same

What if I cant find anything that gives me energy/"fills my cup" anymore? 😢

im SERIOUSLY burned out from school , like every type of burned out from every reason , its SERIOUSLY bad ,and i have both autism , adhd and went to school 1 year earlier than most kids. its so bad in fact recently i wanted to self harm becouse of it , thats when i knew it was time to QUIT. so i did , but i still experience stress at school , and the only way to get over this is getting 10k money during vacation so i dont have to go to school at all , i wont get a job sure , but if i know how to earn 10k , i can do it again , and if i can do it again , i will eventually be able to earn more money , and survive without school , i would need to earn 10k everytime they charge me anyway , and that seems MUCH easier than school , and im MUCH MUCH MUCH more commited to it

❤❤❤

What if what gives me energy first creates more things on my to do list and then I feel overwhelmed!? 😮😂 Like brainstorming new ideas and new fun stuff to do... but then I have 10 projects on my plate. 😢 Yup... that's the reality of an ADHD Capricorn! 😅

Caryn, do you have a workflow/app you like for dumping your vms into ai?

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

Yes, check out the oasis app

Where do I certify to be a ADHD coach?

@CarenMagill

Ай бұрын

google it!

@nickiboy33

Ай бұрын

@@CarenMagill ofc I can, but thought you might have recommendations 🤓

Saying that doing X or Y is your choice... Yeah. Not really helpful, is it? Because I really want to choose being exhausted and burned out. Thanks for guilt tripping people, coach 👍

@CarenMagill

Ай бұрын

What you do is your choice. Burnout and exhaustion is a result of what you do. If my content doesn't work for you then don't watch it.

@edbrito-swdev

Ай бұрын

@@CarenMagill it was the first time I saw a video of yours. It's my choice not to listen to you but this is not good advice and it may hurt people that will take it to heart. Saying that it's someone choice to feel something, when their brains aren't wired that way... Just harbour more negative feelings towards themselves.

The fear I felt seeing this was a 15 min video when I have problems with attention 😅😂

I never did well, only when I was an alcoholic left wing fun drunk droug addict blogger.

Or you can pound whiskey until you numb yourself to sleep

You speak so loud and fast. My brain can’t handle your information because of this issue.

@celiapotgieter1531

2 ай бұрын

If you go to Settings, there's a playback speed option where you can slow it down. Hope it helps!

@jenniferdehart2403

2 ай бұрын

seriously and not very nice. you can turn the volume down. and my adhd means I *cannot listen to 'slow talkers' and always have to turn the speed up on KZread videos so I can pay attention (even this one).

Since you are a coach, you are probably fine with feed back: You are sitting close to the camera, speaking intensely and moving your hands around. Ie: you are making me focus on anything BUT what you are saying. This is a very common mistake made by people making videos about adhd. Unfortunately it’s a sure sign that the person making the video may be diagnosed with ADHD him or her self, but they don’t understand even the basics of it and should not be listened to.

@jorgenhassler6642

2 ай бұрын

To put it in your own words: calm the f*** down before you start recording.

@CarenMagill

2 ай бұрын

I'm clearly not the youtuber for you. That's okay. I like the format and it seems to work for my audience.

@jorgenhassler6642

2 ай бұрын

@@CarenMagill As a trained mental health professional I would like to point out that the fact that people like you does not automatically mean you are doing a good job. But you are right, I would say that coaching is the wrong approach when dealing with adhd, because the problem is not one of perspective or motivation, it’s a neurological impairment that hinders execution. And coaching cannot possibly do anything about that. There’s ample scientific evidence that skills training in adhd does not work.

@Stickyunstuck

Ай бұрын

I personally have found Caren’s videos very insightful and have made changes to my routine that have positively impacted my life. I don’t know if it’s because you feel more free to a jerk online or you are just generally an odious person but I do feel a bit sorry for anyone who might go to you as a mental health professional. You are just another man who feels the need to put women in their place because he’s suddenly recognizing his irrelevance.

@angusmorrison9433

Ай бұрын

Move away from the screen and listen to the words only. 😵‍💫 She’s not here to entertain you. She’s here to put words/ideas in your head. Make it a pod cast for yourself. 🌀Look away from the screen🌀

You’re out of this world, thank you for the tips and I’m gonna start to do these tips. I really hope that this helps to decrease my burnout cycles 🥲