The emotional dysregulation symptoms affected my relationships the most. Unfortunately, in some relationships, the partner picks up on this, even without a known ADHD diagnosis, and chooses to "weaponize" what they perceive as weaknesses on your end. In past experience, it makes for a convenient way for a bad partner to control and manipulate you.

@2flyty

Жыл бұрын

Yup

@katejones2172

Жыл бұрын

Oh god YES I was married to a narcissist for 25 yrs & he'd definitely did this to make himself feel big but in the end he was fed up with me & bored & I could see the contempt in his face so I left I am 64 now & have just had a borderline result on paper so now waiting for a face to face interview. I always just thought I had depression but recently have got more anxious & scatty I have been on anti deppresents for 30 yrs

@peepdawg8995

Жыл бұрын

Mine is sort of anger outbursts. That's why I can't form normal relationships

I have ADHD and the relationship I have with my girl is really hard because I get irritated really easily and don’t have patience. I don’t want to hurt her or cause any pain to her but my insecurities keeps getting the best of me. She hung up on me the other day and haven’t spoken to her since that day. I sent her a text to tell her I love her and left it at that.

@spirituallyconscious7774

Жыл бұрын

@@alouise3557 If he had a history of cheating on women in the past then I wouldn’t deal with him at all… I feel like you should take a step back and work on yourself and get some therapy sessions with a therapist you can trust.

@sharonodom6575

26 күн бұрын

It's helpful to find a way to briefly pause before reacting; some ppl count, breathing exercises & whatnot, but I try to keep in mind that I may have misunderstood & we could be talking about different things entirely. --I'm married now, but in my previous engagement(4yrs) anytime there was discourse, irritation, &/or annoyance I'd repeat back what he'd just said how I interpreted it(NOT randomly; we discussed it & he knew that my response was for clarification). --I was usually way off. I know this post is old & hope you've worked it out, but that's something that really helped me. --Women & men communicate differently enough as it is, so adding any disorder that can/does effect communication is always tricky.

Yes, this is an issue for my husband and I. It is a his (undiagnosed) ADHD. as well as cognitive decline. This is causing a lot of problems for our 27-years-old marriage. The past 10 years I assumed that his memory issues were his cognitive decline. I recently. I cannot believe that I did not see this before. I am the "classic" non-ADHD partner and the anger and frustration is huge for me. I carry around the stress of carrying the entire relationship and the work for the past 27 years. I am exhausted and overwhelmed by carrying everything in our relationship and life. This is driving us apart.

In my case I’m the ADHD and I’m always the one putting out fires 🔥 And always making everyone happy and comfortable and some how , it doesn’t turn out to be good enough for no one 🥹 All while also internally dealing it’s me and my own things

@selmaave9145

Жыл бұрын

Wow. You just described my life and I just now figured it out. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.

@puntacocosoaps

Жыл бұрын

This is my husband. He wants help but doesn’t want to give up control. A lot of time what he perceives is not always what is happening.I think the hardest for me living with his ADHD is that he shows no empathy to the people he loves most. Playing a victim role is his way in getting emotional supply as well: there is two sides to every story. Put the shoe on the other foot.

@aprilbrewin9235

Жыл бұрын

It doesn’t sound like your husband has ADHD, or maybe he has something else, alongside it…?! In my experience ADHD doesn’t typically make someone uncaring. I’m sorry you are experiencing this though.

@sicanism5454

9 ай бұрын

me and my ADHD partner are on brick of breaking up rn. She tried to break up with me 3x already bec she lost the sparks and she can’t feel it anymore and it happened overnight. Does that mean she doesn’t have genuine feelings for me or is it just her ADHD? Or also because I dont give her the Dopamine hit anymore just like in the early stage of our relationship? Does the feelings come back? I love my girlfriend and I’m really patient and understanding so a little help would be much appropriated 😭

👍👍👍👍🙏🏻🙏🏻. Great video, I wish I knew this when I was a lot younger…. I am 55 and just realized that this what I have.

This sounds a lot like NPD as well. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but I think it’s more. The emotional abuse is overwhelming. I have been living with his gaslighting, blame-shifting, constant admiration, entitlement, preoccupied with fantasy and unrealistic expectations, etc. so throw that in the mix with ADHD. I hear that usually behavior disorders go along with ADHD. I believe it!

@mariamichael4416

Жыл бұрын

Oh my God i thought was alone in this . My partner have ADHD. I feel extremely the same. I just can’t stand blame shifting, gaslighting, want it admiration so much, defensiveness I just cannot stand. You’re right the sounds like NPD . Sad to have this kind of experience somebody you really love God help us.

@pippaschroeder9660

Жыл бұрын

Hope you two are in couples therapy and working through that

@mountainmann9599

Жыл бұрын

​@mariamichael4416 mine has ADHD but suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It can come off as NPD but Complex Trauma can sometimes mirror NPD if left untreated. It's even more difficult to deal with when you cannot get that person to see/understand what they are doing. Difficult is a lesser word for heartbreaking in truth...atleast for me. But I get full well what you both ate saying and you're not alone. We want to be strong solid people withstanding everything that comes with this "in sickness and in health". But oh God how we are tested time and again.

@ThSkBj

9 ай бұрын

I think that many behaviours are by-products of struggles related to improperly treated ADHD. The lack of emotional control, spesificly, is a part of the disorder tho.

My ex has ADHD and bad anxiety. He was diagnosed as a child, medicated but stopped medication as a teen and adult as he hated the side affects. Then he self medicated smoking copious amounts of cannabis to settle his ADHD and anxiety and it helped sometimes with the impulsivity & hyperactiveness, it didn't help with the attention deficit, and it also caused really noticeable paranoia insomnia & irritability yet he insisted he needed it for his ADHD. Then hated himself for it & the side affects it caused but refused to stop smoking. It was really painful to watch. I myself have severe tinnitus, constant very loud high pitch screaming in my head which causes anxiety irritability and extreme exhaustion. We never stood a chance. The love was there, still is really, 5 years on, but it was just too much for both of us to tackle & we never got the help or tools to deal with ourselves let alone each other. So sad. I always felt like the adult constantly, the rescuer and personal assistant and life coach, all the while feeling that I couldn't depend on him, couldn't trust him to be there for me, felt overlooked and ignored and unimportant because he simply wasn't able to see past his own needs to see mine, and he definitely couldn't communicate whereas I am a good communicator. This extra load whilst feeling so alone and fatigued within the relationship plus dealing with my own very debilitating condition brought a lot of toxicity to the real love we actually felt for each other and we had to end it. We did remain friends after the initial break up and stayed loyal to each other and intimate with each other now and then for a few years after, we really wanted to see if we could repair and try again, we couldn't stay away from each other, but we should have gotten help at that point and we didn't. As much love as there clearly still was there was just as much pain & mistrust. I think we are both still broken hearted years later & wish so much that we could have found a way to stay together and deal with it but I knew deep down and he did too that I while I was able to take it on and work through it, he wasn't. He just could not communicate at all, or make space for me, and there's nowhere to go from there is there. In the end we had to completely disengage, no contact to be able to move on. And the only way we could do that was for it to end in a disagreement, otherwise we were juat stuck in the same pattern. So sad

@amberm5626

Жыл бұрын

I had a similar experience to you both. It resulted in a trauma bond because of the ups and downs ins and outs... it was extremely toxic. No contact is the only course to take to heal a trauma bond.

@73kristilee

Жыл бұрын

@@amberm5626 very true... We have stayed somewhat friends, check in with each other now and then. But that was after a few no contact periods for us to both heal and detach from our trauma bond. It does work.

I'm seeing a woman who has this. ADHD. I had no idea what I was getting into. I love this woman, and after 2 years of seeing her. I have such a love for her, I feel that what I do for her is never enough. I love and support her with such compassion. It's almost frustrating that she questions me, I have to remind her I Love her. I've moved mountains for her, picked her up when she was severely upset, she feels attacked by others. What I would call minimal, is a mountain for her. And after all that drama, she forgets me. And ignores me. Stonewalls me. Cory

@CouplesCounselingATL

Жыл бұрын

Hi Cory, your love for her is admirable! Don't be afraid to reach out to a professional couples therapist that could guide you both in how to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship with ADHD. Warm regards from CCATL.

@niiskuneitiBANAANI

Жыл бұрын

you probably think everything is about her adhd even when you did a mistake, you can always blame the one with disorder. i've seen this happen a lot.

@lourdesgonzalezdelacruz9578

Жыл бұрын

I also have ADHD, but I don't behave like that. We shouldn't be confused about a person's hurt. It seems to me that she needs healing. We are not define by anyone, and we can improve everyday.

@magdaz2

Жыл бұрын

Then why stay with her?? That I don't understand. I told my husband I do not love him anymore, stonewalled him because he uses what I say against me, he blames my depression but recognised once he knew he was treating me wrong all that time but since I didn't complain "he thought I was so strong and loved me more" .... And there he is, he doesn't listen to my arguments of why we shouldn't be together anymore... He just wants to go on... Why? It's not good for anyone

@katejones2172

Жыл бұрын

@@magdaz2 yeh I get that

Thank you so much for this video! Really helped me (ADHD) and my Ex (no ADHD) understand where we went all wrong. Especially the part about the feelings of shame went a long way in helping her get why I retreated so much after our arguments. Again, thank you so so much🙏🏼

Great video...👍🏻..thanks. this definitely hit home for me. Good stuff

This is really interesting subject and i like the professional way to open up the subject, but i just can't concentrate that long. After 5 minutes i find myself doing three other things at the same time and i won't listen this any more. I was curious because i believe that me and my spouse have both adhd, so we have similar challenges, and luckily we don't fight for things we forget to do.

@CouplesCounselingATL

Жыл бұрын

Hello from all of us at CCATL, first step is to find a professional in this field, they will help you little by little without overwhelming you. Good luck to you and your partner! :) stephanie-cook.clientsecure.me

I have undiagnosed inattentive ADHD, and my husband has OCD. We love each other so much, it takes a lot of patience from both of us. We've been together for 14 years, married 12 years with 5 children. Ive found that water fasting and dry (fasting 25-150hrs) has helped me regain focus and pay attention to things I normally wouldn't.

My partner might has ADHD undiagnosed (he is atm in the process of it) and I love him a lot. But tidyness was since we got a couple 10 years ago always a problem and the only real topic we really argue about. Since I had severe depression which I have in control now you can imagine how our home always looked. Now that I myself have the capacity again to be more attentive and active I recognize so many little things he just does without thinking. Cleaning up when I ask him is not the problem. Keeping it clean is the problem. Little things like not putting the laundry in the basket or trowing away paper and packaing in the bin directly behind him but on the ground. Not bringing stuff back to were it belongs. Forgetting his tasks when I don't remind him to do so or ask him at the "wrong" moment. This is exhauting for me. Since I clean a space up and it's chaotic the next day. We plan to get a houshold helper and atm. I am scavaging clean up and tidy up tips and tricks to make it as easy for him as possible. I am not the most organized person myself but I try to get better. Since I am pretty stable for over a year now we finally wanna try for a child. But with the state our home is right now it's just impossible. On one hand I don't want him to have ADHD on the other we both hope if it's the case meds can help him.

@nanettej9760

Жыл бұрын

Therapy helps.

@AzraelIbliz

Жыл бұрын

@@nanettej9760 Yeah I still have to convince him to do one. He is not really fond of the idea atm. So I am waiting for the results for now.

My husband is extremely ADHD. I’m slightly. It’s been an interesting 37 years, that’s for sure. Now I also realizing that leaving the cabinet doors open (me😂) is actually part of it.

@fredhubbard7210

Жыл бұрын

Could I get you to talk to my wife?

@northgeorgiamom8956

Жыл бұрын

@@fredhubbard7210 😂😂😂

Thank you for this video🎉

An incredibly good summary.

And if ADHD leads to the not atypical behaviour of people-pleasing, i.e. not maintaining one's own boundaries and sacrificing one's needs to those of the partnership or family? Not even touched on. 🤦‍♂️ This advice ignores the typical inability of a person with ADHD to follow through on making a case for his/her point of view.

This helped :)

me and my ADHD partner are on brick of breaking up rn. She tried to break up with me 3x already bec she lost the sparks and she can’t feel it anymore and it happened overnight. Does that mean she doesn’t have genuine feelings for me or is it just her ADHD? Or also because I dont give her the Dopamine hit anymore just like in the early stage of our relationship? Does the feelings come back? I love my girlfriend and I’m really patient and understanding so a little help would be much appropriated

We live in Germany if you have online sessions pls drop a link I am about to leave my fiancé who altho has a toddler daughter a very probable adhd it’s like a psychiatric ward and I am losing hope

What about when both my partner and I have ADHD and they present exact oppositely

What if we BOTH have ADHD? I pursued and got a diagnosis, but he hasn't and probably won't. I really would like to have some professional counsel.

@CouplesCounselingATL

Жыл бұрын

Hi there, we recommend you always seek help from a professional to guide you through your journey (you're not alone) or feel free to visit our website to learn more about our counseling optionswww.counselingatl.com

According to my experience of 1 year with adhd and childhood abuse trauma...just leave them and run...they will bring you down like no other force in this world...no offence

Ever since my diagnosis I never want to be in a relationship again 😢. I'll live my shorter than average life alone.

@annetteka

7 ай бұрын

Your life your thoughts your choice. Long or short as long as your focus is on the blame (of others) it empowers your disarmament. Not that there’s a war in the first place (unless we hold on to it). Easier said than done, I know. But self pity has a way of sending you down a merry go round no outstander can stop.

Hello from everyone at Couples Counseling ATL! We have just posted a new video: "Concerned that you or your partner may have ADHD", go check it out and stay tuned, we will be posting small consecutive videos on many ADHD topics and relationships. Sending you all warm regards,

It’s like being with a child in an adults body, Adders don’t understand responsibility and consequences.. Massive acceptance, patience and understanding is required but definitely worth it…lots of fun can be had…😉

I feel like I'm always under attack 😪

I have had ADHD all my life and have not taken anything now it is causing me difficulty what and how do i manage it? How do i get on the medication that i should be on ? I am 54 now and need the help. and i am lost because my parents took me off my ritalin i was on.

Punk music lol where'd that come from Ok honey I just need a break to cool my head 🎶*my war, you're one of them🎶

Relationships happy boyfriend Jessica till thanks

A D H D videos need to be shorter , how can you not understand that ?

@CouplesCounselingATL

Жыл бұрын

We welcome you to watch a shorter version of our video kzread.info/dash/bejne/eZ-jmaVsmca2ocY.html

@jimrau8272

Жыл бұрын

@@CouplesCounselingATL 😁

The only way to make it stop is divorce. We're better off alone.

I'm mentally exhausted 😂. My ADHD girlfriend disappeared again. She is not responding to my texts. I'm not sure what she is doing, or how she is doing? People are saying to just look for someone else. That's not easy. She is the one I like.

@oziomaogbaji8648

4 ай бұрын

When I get overwhelmed by anything at all (a noisy and over-stimulating night out, a public gathering, the open market, loud noises, getting stuck in traffic, being around a person who talks too much about a topic I am not interested in and wouldn't read my body language to see that I am overwhelmed, etc... I hyperfocus on different topics sometimes as well, so I imagine that people feel the same way about me when I start rambling. Lol), I shutdown/isolate to rest, clear my head, and recalibrate. Usually, I would like to be left alone, but I'm learning to talk about it... for example, "I'm exhausted/overwhelmed right now, so I need some time to clear my head. Please give me some time and I will get back to you." So maybe find out if during your last time with her, something could have made her feel overwhelmed or over-stimulated, then talk to her about the things that make her feel that way, observe, and help her limit getting overwhelmed. And maybe also have an agreement where she tells you when she needs space so that you do not feel ignored when she isolates. Truth is, she probably doesn't know that she does this. I didn't know I did this until recently when I noticed the pattern and accepted the reality, then I started observing and limiting my exposure to stressors. There's a lot of self-esteem issues and shame, but that's a long story. Also, when you need a break yourself, let her know. Don't disappear because she will interpret it differently. I wish you and her a beautiful and healthy love story.

@oziomaogbaji8648

4 ай бұрын

If she is undiagnosed, she should get a diagnosis and I will advise she opts for supplements (zinc, iron, magnesium, fish oil, etc) instead of stimulants, but she should discuss it with her doctor. CBT will help as well, and if she has any traumas, she needs to accept them and make the effort to heal. Love and light.

@Fruit732

4 ай бұрын

​@@oziomaogbaji8648 I'm undiagnosed but I'm positive I have inattentive ADHD. I do not want to go on supplements, so I'm wondering what's the point in getting an official DX. Is it really needed if I'm not interested in medication?

@patsilvert

4 ай бұрын

@@oziomaogbaji8648 Thanks for your advices. She is back lol

what if you and your partner are both diagnosed with adhd? 🥲

@CouplesCounselingATL

Жыл бұрын

Hi there, we recommend you always seek help from a professional to guide you through your journey (you're not alone) or feel free to visit our website to learn more about our counseling optionswww.counselingatl.com