They say they hate drama… perhaps because, while they are the drama, they actually hate themselves.

@sararichardson737

7 ай бұрын

Excellent observation

@lawofliberty3517

7 ай бұрын

Absolutely. My ex wife spoke several times during our splits on how she hates herself. I feel pity for them honestly. My ex wife has a good quality about her but her selfishness through addiction has destroyed our family structure.

@ND-or5so

7 ай бұрын

@jkevinparker I agree with you. They are ALL the Drama. I can't stand their drama. They should stop their bullsh-t cause we don't need it.

@madamdardis

7 ай бұрын

Always vote with the feet and walk away from them and their horse shite.

@helenmcclay2622

7 ай бұрын

Yeah "I dont do drama" but cause ppl to lose their hair 😊

Coverts are the type of people that complain about ALL THE RAIN in their in life... not knowing that they are the STORM.

@rgntptchr29

3 ай бұрын

Awesome analogy. Gonna use that as it describes my ex to a tee.

@sandralogue1774

3 ай бұрын

But they do know,their complaining is a diversion,a way to try to throw you off and focus on something else.

@dragonflymagictarot1180

Ай бұрын

Wow ❤

When they Hate Drama, they are Warning you that they Don’t want you to Fight Back or Stand up for yourself.

@kevinbissinger

7 ай бұрын

Less that and more they're setting up if you have a problem with them that they can accuse you of" starting drama even though you know how much they hate it" Same concept, different method

@sooaboutthat..5439

6 ай бұрын

thissssssss. holy shit! first time i walked into his house "this is a peaceful house. no drama here."

@thewaveoracle8513

6 ай бұрын

This.

@Prophezora

4 ай бұрын

​@@sooaboutthat..5439that's a red flag

@happyday3368

3 ай бұрын

Total manipulation on their part. Just enforce those boundaries.

Pay attention to how someone makes you FEEL, not what they say.

@happyday3368

3 ай бұрын

Exactly, your gutt doesn't lie - it picks up on things long before your brain does.

@charles120001

3 ай бұрын

Narcissists are self-centred, self-serving, entitled and have no empathy for others. They believe the world exists to serve their needs, and they can have or get anything, no matter who gets hurt. Bearing the latter in mind, they perceive intimacy and love as a threat because they fear abandonment and the loss of supply, that is to say, their craving to be revered and validated and their need for attention and admiration, which is akin to oxygen for them to stay and feel alive. So, to avoid abandonment, they push their partner away, but they do not want to lose their partner because that would lead to a loss of supply - their agenda. Hence, they give you just enough to keep you hanging around to be there for them at their beck and call for you to revere, validate, admire and pay attention to them. Hence, this hot and cold game they play by being affectionate and intimate and then being distant and withholding intimacy is to control their partner to push them away but keep them hanging around to meet their craving and need to be revered, validated, admired and attention whenever they wish and on their terms. They keep the hot and cold going to put their partner in a state of uncertainty and confusion to make them try harder to please them and erode their partner's confidence and self-esteem, making it easier for the narcissist to control and manipulate them. Essentially, supply people; some are just platonic friends hoping and hanging around it will turn into a relationship. Some are friends with benefits who assume they are in an exclusive relationship. Lastly, some are fiances, fiancees, wives or husbands whom the narcissist has chosen because they are too nice, naive, dislike confrontation, have low confidence and low self-esteem, and so fear losing the narcissist. Hence, the narcissist can get away with having multiple partners on the side to meet their craving for attention, admiration, revered and validated - supply. So, if you were in a relationship or in a relationship with a narcissist, you are seen by them as nothing more than supply. As Prof Sam Vaknin says, narcissists are soulless zombies because inside, they are empty; they feel nothing because the part of the brain that feels guilt, regret, remorse, shame and empathy does not function in a narcissist's brain. Hence, they are sub-human. 🎭🎭

@MungeParty

3 ай бұрын

Unless you're a narcissist your feelings are yours and yours alone, it's not other people's responsibility to make you feel this way or that it's your responsibility to communicate your needs and boundaries to others.

@helle_Aura

2 ай бұрын

Yea.. If you feel sick run

@JasonJason00122

2 ай бұрын

This is golden advice. My gut warned me. I ignored it consciously. I payed the price..4 years of destruction and 11 years of recovery...PS I am a man she was a woman. It happens both ways.

I realized after my cover narcissist revealed himself, every single dysfunctional thing he described his exes doing was exactly what he was probably doing to them the entire time.

@prettylady0676

6 ай бұрын

Indeed he was. I was very attentive to a covert narcissist I tried dating. In the past he would complain about his ex wife never being home gone for 3 and 4 days at a time. I would think to myself what kind of woman stays gone from her husbands and son that long so one day he’s complaining and he says she haven’t been here for 3 days but she’s not in on drugs! A few short weeks of being in a relationship with him I understood why his wife use to leave him and her son for days at a time. He was a insecure, nagging, bickering, verbally aggressive, insulting older man who was abandoned by his mother at a young age not only was he a manipulative compulsive liar he was very vile & cunning all the characteristics of satan. Saying no to his demands would cause an immediate temper tantrum. Never experienced anything like it. They are more sinister than an overt narcissist!

@happyday3368

5 ай бұрын

@@prettylady0676 The problem I have with this - is no mother leaves their child - ever. When I left, I took my kids, my dog, cat and my belongings with me. WHY would she leave her child with someone like that?! Oh HELL no!

@Peakokfethr

4 ай бұрын

Yesss! The one I’m currently working on getting away from would tell me his wife (who he is not in love with and won’t leave), would do certain things and he would literally come back afterward and do exactly that to me. And of course, he was very unaware that I recalled these conversations in his actions.

@FuneraryGirl

4 ай бұрын

This needs to be screamed from the rooftops. So very true.

@martaszyszka7654

4 ай бұрын

Yes, that's how they function 😂 mine was the grandiose narcissist and was doing the same 😂

Raised by a covert narcissist mother, finally went No contact a week ago. I am a 64 yr old woman who finally said enough, the guilt on my part is horrible but I finally have stood up for myself and said no more. My true work is just beginning. Stay strong out there and please don't waste anymore of your life on the manipulative tactics and pain.

@tabithaellison291

4 ай бұрын

I don’t know you but I’m proud of you! I’m low/no contact with mine. Just can’t take it any longer either.

@carole9409

3 ай бұрын

Well done! I wished I had left my Mother at 16yrs old when I moved into a bedsit. I was her scapegoat for 65 yrs when she passed away.

@tommyburley5860

3 ай бұрын

Went no contact with my mom over a decade ago. Still hard, but she hasn’t changed.

@carole9409

3 ай бұрын

I resonate. Stay Strong 💪Its NOT YOU! Namaste 🙏

Technicaly they dont lie, but when they tell you stuff, they intentionaly skip some pieces, thats how they twist the story.

@MartinHindenes

4 ай бұрын

They're masters of creating and finding loopholes for themselves in everything they say and agree to.

@user-em8on8py9z

4 ай бұрын

Well I call that lying. There are not versions of the Truth. Manipulation and gaslighting is a part of lying and that is what they do.

@batintheattic7293

4 ай бұрын

I would say the omissions can achieve the status of lying.

@jpr9863

3 ай бұрын

They lie.

@EnidWellness

3 ай бұрын

Omitting IS lying. Don’t make excuses for liars.

“Focus on the lesson, not the pain”. Profound!

@happyday3368

5 ай бұрын

I found the lesson to be necessary - now that I know what to look for, it has protected me from becoming embroiled with that personality style again. If I see two or more traits that become a pattern, if I can, I walk away. If I have to deal with that person, I adjust how I behave towards them - don't share anything personal, am vague about what I am doing, etc.

I dated one last summer for about 4-5 weeks. That was enough. Initially, she portrayed some positive qualities and admiration to me. I was flattered. The more time we had shared, the more inconsistencies appeared. I’ve worked as an ER Nurse for 16 years. I’ve met a lot of people who are manic/depressed/suicidal/homicidal/BPD and/or manipulative patients. I’ve never met anyone who acknowledges themselves as being narcissistic or accepting such a diagnosis. Narcissists do not hold themselves accountable. I noticed this person seemed to have burned a lot of bridges. She also like causing drama between couples e.g. a neighbor and his wife. Her friend and her ex husband; different coworkers against each other. She liked to gather information and asked strange questions. It seemed like it was all for control. The one I dated kept contradicting herself and would project an awful lot. I was told “I have to walk on eggshells when I’m around you.” I Reflected on that and thought it was odd. It wasn’t consistent with any of my other relationships romantic/platonic/professional. In contrast, I had to “walk on eggshells” with her. She had a Meltdown when I left an exit ramp with my high-beams on. It was such an odd, overreaction. I addressed this immediately and she went into a hysterical rage. She brought up all sorts of non-related sacrifices that she makes for others and how she’s not appreciated. She then listed off her accomplishments as if we were in a job interview. You can’t have a rational conversation with an irrational person.

@happyday3368

8 ай бұрын

@9StickNate - she sounds more than a little unhinged to me.

@fairpoet81

8 ай бұрын

Nate, have known a male version of what you described here. Thank you for sharing. And, the car episode you described is IDENTICAL to a terrible experience with the same Weirdo, with me driving and he (a fella over 50) going completely insane! Goes to show that age, status (this person works with Tesla and is quite intelligent) and how "together" they may seem or look means absolutely nothing when stuck in a car (or a relationshit) with these FREAKS! 😱

@OkieDoke405

8 ай бұрын

+1 for the walking on eggshells projection and odd overreaction to an otherwise benign event. Got into an argument with the girl I was seeing and she randomly started to discredit me for my professional accomplishments and bragging about her own in the middle of it all - I wasn’t even mad, it was just super confusing and disorienting

@raginald7mars408

7 ай бұрын

… as a German Biologist - Our Music Teacher remarked, an Opera Soloist Singer can NEVER sing in a Choir… It is about TEAM To be part of a TEAM Like Team Sports Even an Actor MUST be part of a TEAM To train Social Awareness Who is a genuine true RELIABL Team Player And who is a Soloist Can be life saving…

@oddvirginia971

7 ай бұрын

I dated one for a month. She came across as a perfectly sweet match, then turned into a total demon in no time. Nothing like I had ever experienced in 15 years of dating. I knew it was a problem when she spent three full days screaming at me, making up false accusations, calling every five minutes while I was at work, stealing my phone and car keys, and running out of my house screaming "help me!" when she wasn't winning at her own game.

The best way to counteract a manipulator is to be radically honest with everyone around them. Not passive aggressive, but don’t shy away from exposing the manipulator’s words and actions right out in the open. Be a mirror to their disorder and they will run.

@sarahwagland1559

7 ай бұрын

I'm in a curious situation. We want to get far away from our covert narc neighbour and her flying monkey husband but they delight in refusing to cooperate with a problem over the deeds which has left us unable to sell our house for approaching two years! In the meantime I expose her to absolutely everyone who I can and I won't stop until they break. We give them zero supply now. All dealings are strictly through the solicitors. Cracks are appearing and they're definitely weakening but it has been incredibly tough for me and my husband. They have got themselves in a situation where their very existence depends on their hatred of us and this is what I'm exposing and will keep doing until they break. I had no desire to be sadistic but, after everything they have done to us, they have left us with no alternative. She chose the wrong one to pick on this time.

@Seraphim7

7 ай бұрын

Love this.

@LargestUndergroundbunker

7 ай бұрын

I wouldn't say they run, but it drives them crazy at least. That's in my experience :)

@letssee9

7 ай бұрын

​@turdfurgusonx right , they don't care and will go very far.

@IdonthaveatwittersoFoff.

7 ай бұрын

True.

Bad morals are bad morals. If you benefit from it, that’s no justification. And of course a liar is a liar.

@happyday3368

8 ай бұрын

Totally - bad morals are a HUGE red flag and it should tell you how they glide through life - I just couldn't be associated with someone like that.

@davidberrell4725

8 ай бұрын

C mon, a free drink is a free drink 😂

@g13n79

7 ай бұрын

'Liar is a liar' is simplistic thinking. The quintessential example in ethics are the people who hid jews from the nazi's and lied to protect them from being shipped off to their death camps

I have discovered that two of the main red flags are that they do not apologize or say "thank you." Keep your own standards high for being kind, polite, considerate, and fair and you will easily know when you are experiencinging a narcissist.

@eddier155

7 ай бұрын

My ex would get angry when I'd say thank you and I never understood why. But looking back it makes perfect sense......never again will I make excuses for someone's abhorrent behavior.

@jmfs3497

7 ай бұрын

Bingo. They do not reciprocate basic social norms. If you apologize after an argument where you both had faults, you will not receive an apology for their own actions. You might hear “it’s ok. I forgive you “ but never an “and I’m sorry too and here’s my own accountable reflection”.

@eddier155

7 ай бұрын

Yes I found myself thinking OMG why are you saying you forgive me when I'm supposed to be saying that. They magically switch the blame and giving you the impression that you're responsible for their actions and words. And it's super easy to fall into it if you don't watch your step or refrain from arguing.

@anettelisabethnilsson4586

7 ай бұрын

Yes exactly how my ex was … never apologise and very seldom thank you!

@keithwittman4741

7 ай бұрын

Mine says thank you ,just a formal mask. You can see there is no real thanks. What you DO speaks your true feelings.

The repetitiveness of the same patterns and dialogue gives them away . It’s mind boggling how clever they think they are

@Mechveteran011

2 ай бұрын

👆👆👆 this right here!!

These people need deep seeded deliverance from great spirits of darkness and self torment.

@EnidWellness

3 ай бұрын

Facts.

@thembnkosi5291

2 ай бұрын

ma man!!😅🤘

When I started to learn about narcissism, i noticed it within me, and within everybody. I wondered if I was actually some version of one of these yellow-eyed, heartless monsters. I was gently informed that this thought process is a sign of self-awareness and probably a sign that i wasn't a disfunctional narcissist. See, that's the key, everybody. Narcissism is a label we've put on a powerful wheel turning underneath all the psychological dirt that covers our conduct. Most of us develop beyond the dark triad, some of us are trapped forever in a savage infancy. Be aware when you read comments and people talk about narcissists as if they're some sort of clearly defined creature. Some of those comments are coming from people who are entirely at fault, who are projecting their awfulness onto others, are actually the narcissist in their own lives.

@thomasrussell4674

7 ай бұрын

True. It's in all of us. It's only defeated by insight, preparedness to have insight.

@phlontstu

7 ай бұрын

👏🏻 Exactly! Brilliant comment. It's what I've been thinking too.

@willtroy1986

7 ай бұрын

THANK YOU for this brilliant comment. It’s a shame I had to wade through all of the comments, these narcissism videos have become essentially witch hunts and name-calling contests where I’m not sure who’s really the narcissist anymore.

@EugeniaPortobello

7 ай бұрын

I somewhat agree but I also believe that there’s narcissism and then narcissist abuse, There’s people with narcissist traits and people with narcissist disorder...

@damla.k.

7 ай бұрын

No, you can’t be a narcissist 🎉

Don’t dare get your life together while you have one in the picture. They will argue with you before important events to distract you away from accomplishing what you need to and handling what you need to. It’s very frustrating. And yes don’t call them out on anything. Lol be blind to their faults.

My mom always starts a fight with passive aggressive comments and when I defend myself she quickly says she doesn't want to fight! As though I'm the asshole for getting angry because she is disrespecting me. Also she lies fluently, fluidly. If there is an argument, and I persist in pointing out things that she is doing, she denies every statement, even if she contradicts herself many times in one conversation. She will say anything, scramble for excuses to be blame free.

@merciart3090

4 ай бұрын

😢😢

@EnidWellness

3 ай бұрын

We have the same mother. Ugh.

Everything, even simple stuff, is a drama to a narcissist, leading to really aggressive/passive aggressive exchanges….. truly exhausting

@happyday3368

5 ай бұрын

It's ridiculous. I remember an ex friend (vn - all day) calling me and complaining how someone in her household didn't say 'hi' to her when she thought they should. I remember saying to her, "Seriously? How are you going to handle the big stuff when you are putting all your energy on the bs stuff" - that's the crazy train I had to get off of.

@cassiebennet4262

3 ай бұрын

Once you're in a situationship with the coverts for a while all you hear us constant complaing. They're miserable and try to convince you everyone else is the problem.

@cassiebennet4262

3 ай бұрын

​@@happyday3368This is an eye opener to me. There's certain people in my neighborhood who I don't wish to speak to for my own person reasons. I don't understand why narcissists believe that they need to force themselves on others.

@happyday3368

3 ай бұрын

@@cassiebennet4262 I remember at the end of that friendship saying the same thing that maybe it's not everyone else, it's her. This friend was like - whoa! Thing was, now the friend knew I was onto her and not buying into her complaining/victim mentality anymore - I just wished that she'd of handled her own business - just handle it!

@rachelhart3531

Ай бұрын

Yes something as simple as their kid hasn’t put on their coat yet and it’s almost time to leave for school,leads to a long speech about how hard they have to work and how hard their life is, which ironically makes everyone far later than they would have been if they just left the kid to put their coat on.

I've noticed this with all the cluster-B types. They reveal themselves VERY early on, but they phrase it in a humorous/non-serious way to disarm one's defenses. But they do tell you.

The rage can also be internal and then they stonewall etc.

They hate ‘drama’ equates to they hate how others react to them. Why can’t they just beat you into submission already? They would like to make you an enabler, a passive, controlled, boundary-less partner who gives them endless supply. You know, without the drama. 😂 And then you, as an enabler, will convince everyone else that this is the path to enlightenment with this individual.

I think narcissistic coping styles are generational in my family. I'm autistic but have engaged in some of these behaviours myself from copying people in my family. I can hear myself and have no idea why I say some of the things I do, then feel really bad. Currently going through the process of unmasking and not a moment too soon as I don't like the mask I've been using

@moosepatil5946

4 ай бұрын

Same here. I realized I was using their words and behaviors and it felt wrong but I didn't know what else to do instead. Whenever I tried to change then they'd say I'm crazy or need mental health help. There is nothing wrong with me, there is everything wrong with them. Fuck 'em

They are very scary because they're always disguised as empaths

@coreyroth2979

7 ай бұрын

No they’re not

@goodgameg9489

7 ай бұрын

@@coreyroth2979 what?

@JW-yv5jz

2 ай бұрын

I know what you mean. In the beginning phases of our relationship he wanted to know everything about me. I had gone through a breakup and a move and hadn’t been able to open up like that for a while. It felt good that someone cared. But he didn’t. He was just collecting data to best use me. Fast forward 10 years later, everything he learned about my childhood abuse, worst fears, relationship trauma, is now routinely used against me in text messages to try to trap me into looking like an unfit parent.

I had a friend (ex friend now) who would say how 'honest' she was and that she was 'a good person' - yet her behavior was anything but. If anyone has to convince you of who they are - they are usually the opposite of what they claim. Anyone who manipulates, plays the victim, trash talks others behind their back, takes total advantage of their partner, is entitled to the point of being intrusive, wanting you to lie for them - that's not a good, honest person - that's someone you stay away from because who wants to be associated with that?

@johncorson6599

7 ай бұрын

My ex gf used to say she was “open and honest” fairly frequently. I found it weird because I never felt compelled to say such things of myself ever .. by not saying anything and taking mental notes of various things she did or said .. my assessment of her character changed toward the negative .. the funny thing was she told on herself by accident as she forgets what she had said or done previously … i guess no one taught her growing up that if ya tell the truth ya don’t have to remember anything .. dodged a big fat bullet with her aimed right at me

@shannenlibres2365

7 ай бұрын

"If anyone has to conince you who they are, they are the oppesite" so true. Whenever I heard someone say "I'm an empath" they usually are the meanest most manipulative people I've ever met. I don't trust anyone who claims to be an empath. Maybe actual empaths are too humble to admit it.

She said she hates people who create drama but when I got to know her she created a lot of drama, it felt like I was with a reckless teenager and i saw other red flags. I have children and cannot expose them to such a toxic person. I left her 1 week ago and have blocked her everywhere. This feeling of liberation is amazing🕺

They call us dramatic meanwhile they are the ones who stir the drama also they go around spreading rumors about us.

@Rabswood296

4 ай бұрын

Yep smear campaign, telling family and friends lies about you which you often don't find out about for years or months later.

With my CN, I would say that she did love other peoples drama. What she didn’t like was “drama” towards her. I think one of the few things she was honest about is that she doesn’t like confrontation, she hated to be confronted. She just wanted to be the puppet master in everyone’s lives.

@w8what575

8 ай бұрын

Sounds like my mother

@soskeepingitreal9401

3 ай бұрын

And definitely mine!! I'm wishing and hoping her miserable no life comes to an end sooner than later! As a deluded, fanatical control freak with zero accountability and no ability to love unconditionally, she's been the biggest, worst hater and stumbling block I've ever had in my entire life! NARCISSISTIC, and relentlessly vindictive to the core!! She hoovers, stalks and ENDLESSLY TRIANGULATES! ENOUGH ALREADY! I need her to cease to exist so I can at least try to reestablish relationships with my kids/a few other family members. At almost 70, it's unbelievable that she continues on in this hateful, unchristian way! It's absolutely hypocritical, appalling/gut wrenching!! She's obviously broken/ mentally ill. I dread the thought of her living even one more year, let alone 10!! It's been too much in every imaginable way! FINALLY, went no contact a year ago, which pissed her off so she's on her smear campaign but I'm staying no contact, I'm not assisting her when she can't care for herself and def not going to her funeral!! Metaphorically and emotionally she has been dead to me for years!!!!! I Wish I could say rest in peace but I can't. This generational curse of manipulating, gaslighting, hatred, hostility, drama, chaos and confusion will only end when she does. I, literally, pray that she reaps what she has so selfishly sown before she dies!! 💔🤬 She's a pathetic fraud, she really is.

Thank you for minute 11:30. Last weekend, my wife started yelling at me, "Put down the knife!" as I was doing food prep in the kitchen while we were arguing. I can't recover from that. She's creating a narrative that has nothing to do with who I am or what I try to be. The idea of harming someone with a knife is unbelievably nauseating -- even worse beyond harming someone -- even worse -- my wife? This has finally broken me. I have no hope. What's even scarier. I had let it go. I had completely blocked it out. She brought it back up. I'm packing; I'm terrified. She's laying trigger bombs and landmines in front of me. I am finally seeing the pattern of relationships I have chosen. I hope to do better in the future. If I can just make it out of this one. Nah, I'm not doing relationships after this. Thanks for being here; I'm just talking while you're typing. Thank you so much for the part about the wolf sheep. I know she's trying to make me explode so we can reset. It gets worse every time. She tries to make me complicit in her anger and self-hate.

@mhwise7708

6 ай бұрын

holy cow! I have experienced this scenario exactly! While prepping food, with my knife. He would pick a fight that exact moment, while I’m actively chopping, and claim I am threatening him with a knife. He would bring it up as a fact when any audience is present, alongside other false claims when painting me black so he would look like the “victim” while calling me a victim. It’s hard to swallow everything that this person has done and said to me, and about me. yet threaten me with open ended threats if i ever attempted to “expose” him.

@tyedyesound

6 ай бұрын

Wow yes 11:30 mine accuse me of flirting with a friend, on a txt.. when i was only speaking n using that persons language, in a txt mind you...well my now ex flipped out accusing me of having sex with her and how i was seeing her anytime I wasnt with ex....well turns out all the times ex would argue fight flip out on me accusing me, was just a ruse to get me to leave, cuz thats how i end wasted time arguments that escalate; I couldnt figure it out. I ask her why are you pissed at me for nothing why wont you stop arguing?? It was cuz when i would leave, she would go over a guy friend of ours house and hang with him alone. Turns out when i finally had enough of sleeping in my small car, i got a court order of protection from her she had to leave the property, and went to same guys house, she monkey branched right to him. Now shes not happy and wants to come back..shes been having sex with him b4 we broke up, and with 3 other guys i know of...still now demands im not allowed to be alone with the friend she accuses me of doing..she totally overlooks her own guilt of doing way more than sending a flirty text. I never ever cheated on her, i didnt need to, she was all i needed but she didnt believe me, on n on n on my story goes. I will never take the ex back. Even if she admitted everything shes done behind my back. She violates the order every other day, i have 5 police rpt#s in my wallet now, with at least 3 more to use in court to extend the stay away Order from 1 yr to the normal 3 yrs, I was being nice but cops said i can ask for 5!! This is absolutely killing her since we own the property together and she has nothing else wants to come back to her gardens, wants me to drop the order all the while violating and arguing the same lie of a narrative over n over, instead if being nice and sorrowful or repenting and humbling herself...she came over yesterday. Angry arguing like she does and pulls out a large crescent wrench and busts out both of the side mirrors on the car..our car..shes going to be in jail for these violations soon...we were together 8 years and the last 3 have been pure hell on purpose she said the last 5 she has been doing it on purpose cuz she not happy i wont comply with her damands....I am worn out, i knew after a week on knowing her i was going to have a problem but i had already fallen hard for her lovebomb...I didn't know what narcism was then but she had same background as my 1st wife..who stole my 3 sons from me and was doing a smear campaign. I wrote poem kind stuff to describe it get it off my chest, didnt know what narcism was then either but i described it to a T when i read them now....my dad is a narc i realize now too...there's been only a few years in my life when I wasnt being harrassed and manipulated, hindered by and pestered by a narc...Jesus empowered me in a mighty way when i was 17 to fight and survive the onslaught but i have suffered greatly, I'm 64 now....I got nothing finished nothing if my goaks, didnt have a family growing up and didnt have a family with my kids...I was about to tell God, sorry....I had to push the panic eject button cyz i couldn't stand one more minute down there...before I came out of the womb i told God, nooo i dont want to go in there!! He shows me my life in an instant and says see it will be allright in the end...this is also the source if the many deja vues i have had I'm my life...ugghh ty for listening.

@MrFestusPapyrus

6 ай бұрын

Now, as soon as an argument starts, she's saying, "Why don't you call the police?" As if I ever brought that up. It's terrifying. I'm trying to fix the house to sell it so I can get out. I hope I make it.@@mhwise7708

For the past 25 years my husband has been telling me that I don’t show enough emotion when we have an argument. I just get quiet and look at him. Then a couple of days ago, my husband said that we needed to talk and asked me if I could discuss it like an adult. I said that that was an insulting thing to say. He replied that I was getting emotional like I always do when we have a discussion. I said what the hell are you talking about? He said, “see, you’re already starting to curse.” So I said that I couldn’t deal with this and walked out of the room - no yelling, no slamming doors, no stomping. It’s terrible how emotional I get. I have never been a person who yells, screams, throw things, etc. And since having an autistic child, I’ve learned to really curb my emotions because my son is very sensitive to other people’s moods and emotions and will have a meltdown if I don’t remain calm, cool and collected. Talk about projecting!

I have two covert narcissists and an enabler in my family. Its very exhausting to be around all three at once bc they all target me for something I had no control over. Also, the enabler is wayyyyyyy different when they are with me and without any of the narcissists. Which really hurts bc it means I cant trust them completely even if they act trustworthy around me alone. But as an adult, I can look back at my childhood and realize why I always felt more comfortable around other people's families than my own, as well as why I always felt lonely and depressed especially during my high school years. Luckily i turned those confused feelings into a music career!

@mariposa1933

3 ай бұрын

Wow, I have the same exact experience. It is super tough. My mother, sister and step dad are the ones I stay away from now. Mother and sister are narc but when alone with me they act like my bff. My step father is the enabler. It is waaaaaaay too exhausting as you said to be around them together. So I don’t anymore.

One trait I've noticed is a subtle competition with you or their "friends". Any success you have is downplayed, there is no genuine sense of happiness for you. Jealousy starts bubbling up in them and they start spouting backhanded remarks to lessen your achievement.

He said i was paranoid because i thought he was still cheating on me but it was his projection onto me. I subsequently discovered he definitely was! classic narcissism!

They project all the time, and when they accuse you of something or of being someone you’re not, you can guarantee that they’re describing themselves!

This is so validating I want to cry....this is exactly what I've been through with someone I Ioved so deeply. I had no idea how sadistic and twisted this guy was, yet I'd feel sick to my stomach in his presence, but couldn't pin point why because it was so confusing.

@EBexotic1

3 ай бұрын

Same and I’m still healing ❤️‍🩹 9months later. Hoping and wishing u a speedy recovery ❤️‍🩹 😊

@Mechveteran011

2 ай бұрын

The confusion is a big part of it and completely intentional on their part I believe

They tell everyone what to do, talk bad about you and if you say one thing about them all hell breaks out. They tell you what a great person they are. They lie constantly. They always want to talk about themselves and they collect people because they need so much attention.

I had loads of red flags and made excuses for them and refused to see the inconsistencies in their behaviour. I diagnosed them as a pathological liar with sado masochistic tendencies with a hint of schizophrenia . I was absolutely spot on. 23 years later I so wished I had listened to myself and intuition! I could have saved a life of misery and wounding but guess that was my spiritual lesson. Needed to love myself first.

@cryptoroseaz

7 ай бұрын

Look into Blindness Betrayel. It explained a lot to me.

@virginiabraden6849

7 ай бұрын

I would say we need to respect ourselves. Loving yourself is the narcissist's problem. We need to hold the same high standards for ourselves as we should expect from others and stop being a forgiver. Forgivers are losers.

@ALifeUnanalyzedIsALifeUnlived

7 ай бұрын

​@@virginiabraden6849"forgivers are losers", please explain?

@virginiabraden6849

7 ай бұрын

@@ALifeUnanalyzedIsALifeUnlived A forgiver forgives everyone instead of holding them accountable because it is easier than setting boundaries. Rod Stewart says it best in one of his songs titled "Leave Virginia Alone." Someone once handed me a CD with that single song on it that he recorded and said "this reminds me of you." Then he disappeared from my life. I still look for him at times. Virginia

@virginiabraden6849

7 ай бұрын

@@ALifeUnanalyzedIsALifeUnlived ...there is a great video of this song on utube by Rod Stewart.

Your story hit me hard. I ignored an early red flag like your experience… and suffered trapped in narcissistic abuse for many years. I’m fully free now 😊. In retrospect, I see the early obvious signs so clearly.

Narc adults are children with CPTSD trauma.. The child tends to turn out to be a empath or a narc based on the unuiqe circumstances. The narc/empath dynamic require both to exist. Thus part of a duality that must be healed. After one heals the narc inside themselves it naturally dissolves. A victim mindset creates Narcs & Empaths both are fragile and appeal to being special. There is life after the narc/empath dynamic and it's so freeing!

@evadebruijn

7 ай бұрын

So after narc abuse, how do you deal with the fear of being like your narc parent? I mean you were modelled the behaviour, lived immersed in a web of manipulation, if that was your normal, it is bound to leave some marks? I'm so sick of being extremely sensitive to energy and emotions of others (empath, no doubt about it) and constantly trying to stay safe / not let just anyone get close to just have connections / a social life, and on the other hand feeling like I'm a liability myself because I am wounded and carry a lot of rage from the injustice of being treated like sht while being in a dependent powerless position of being a child. You can only uphold boundaries when you have leverage. So anywhere with a power imbalance you can find yourself getting fckd over. ✌️

Anyone who is constantly gaslighting, falsely accusing (projecting), criticizing, needing all the attention, expecting compliance (to the long list of whatever it is they want you to be doing for them), and very likely feeding an addiction (or two)…is going to be spinning endless chaos. It’s just inevitable. But, because they use projection so often…they insist that your REACTION to their self-created chaos, is the problem…not their intentionally self-created chaos. And that YOU are crazy, or too difficult, or too sensitive, or not ‘exciting’ enough (because you don’t drink to access every single time you go out, or because you are not drawn to porn, or drugs…or whatever their vice happens to be)…and they are so adamant in their accusations, you begging to believe it. Once self-doubt is sufficiently created…they are the puppet master of your life. And believe me…they want nothing ‘good’…for you. You are nothing more than a compliant, gaslit puppet in their self-created, self-centred, phoney ‘image game’. Run…before they get their strings into you!!

@Stardustpal25

7 ай бұрын

So well written, 🤝🥇🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

Had a manager who is a convert narcissist, he got cut down to size when I got promoted and he and I were now on the same level and I no longer reported to that demon. Who was failing at his job but tried to make me look incompetent but the clients saw through his BS and his reign ended.

When you talked about other people’s drama 🎭, it made me think 🤔 of this. When you spend time with a narcissist doing what they want/ helping them, it’s bonding. But doing something for you? - it’s a major inconvenience. End of story.

Kudos to you for listening to your gut. Whenever I’ve ignored my intuition, I’ve always regretted it! Every single time! I will never disregard my gut feeling again.

Other things to watch for are people who are connivers. They bend the rules to suit themselves and are great bullshitters. Best believe they can and probably would use it against you if it suited them.

Deflection and projection go hand in hand. Everything revolves around a phobia surrounding accountability. If we're talking about you in a fight that I've fished for, we're not talking about me; if we're talking about a problem that's unrelated were still not talking about me and whatever you think I've done wrong. In the end, both transition to character attacks.

lack of empathy can also be numbed from a lifetime of shame and blame from family members with toxic behaviours, its very difficult to be visually vulnerable when your entire life was built to hide it so you wont be manipulated or controlled in a way you do not wish. in a sense, it makes one far more sensitive to how ones actions project reactions from ppl and makes you far more observant of human behaviour because of a constant need to want to be in control of ones own agency in a defensive manner to avoid conflict with similar personality types. its why its always a breathe of fresh air when you meet those rare gems who are far more honest than they should...nothing hidden and always knowing where you stand with them

Another theme I've noticed with the whole matter of them "hating drama" as that in narci lingo, retaliation, stern demands of accountability and trauma responses to their callousness are their definition of "drama". When they start yelling, acting unhinged, crossing lines and boundaries in unethical, immoral or even illegal ways, it is "not drama". There's always an excuse or a plea for mercy and empathy they never afford other people, so their drama is "understandable" but even so much as quietly telling them something they did or said was wrong is "drama."

They only pretend to be humble or shy to be liked but the moment they express their views, preferences, likes and tastes you will notice a lot of boldness and a strong admiration of people with a social status. You will realise that they hold opinions that are far from humble and that they display a hold behaviour that is far from shy or will give off alternate mixed vibes. Deep down you will see over time they strongly desire fame, recognition, status, money and looks and that’s what they admire and are truly attracted in others and wish to be surrounded by such people. They will always have some low-key truly humble and shy people around as they will serve them as boosters to their insecure ego that needs to be stroked every time before they call, meet or approach people they perceive as high-stake targets.

@sarahdawson975

7 ай бұрын

100%. My ex was si soft-spoken and humble when we were friends but he was money hungry, extravagant, super focused on his looks, demanded respect and obeiance, etc etc. It was sooooo weird to watch him live the complete opposite values than he said he had. There were many other problems but that was the first tell...

@jazz_and_tea

7 ай бұрын

@@sarahdawson975 exactly, that’s exactly what you said and from where their frustration stems- not living according to their values and having that split kind of personality by lying to themselves and the world, by pretending to be humble, shy and soft spoken while being bold and attracted to the opposite values

@lisav8443

7 күн бұрын

My best friend of 45 years is a covert narcissist. Took me a while to truly see the situation for what it was, as I many times I was lead to believe it was my behavior causing most of the problems (gaslighting deluxe). When she started drinking heavily and became a functional alcoholic, the narcissism reached an all time high, thus was TOTALLY exposed. As I noticed more of the behaviors, one poignant one was that she constantly has to have “underlings” around her fawning all over her (workers at her country club and time shares). She would throw money and possessions at them to garner further attention. For others she uses her wealth as a punishment tool. I am disengaging as it must be done for my mental health and emotional well being. Kudos to all that are on the same path!

Your story about the free drinks struck a chord in me. I was once on a date with a guy who lied to the waitress by saying I had food allergies so there was nothing on the menu I could eat in order to have the meal I wanted made specially. I was shocked. He used me but was also trying to help me get what I wanted. It was confusing and a huge red flag!

I had a friend who exhibit's narcissistic tendencies. They way they related to me left me in a state of confusion, and on an emotional rollercoaster. They excused me of being manipulative, when I asked a question. Another time when I said that the way they kept concelling plans we had was hurtful, the response I got was "I'm not responsible for your emotions". They would deflect anytime I tried to talk about my needs. A favourite line of theirs was "You don't respect my boundaries", but they never told me any boudaries - it was just a way to pass the blame onto me. They also played the victim card, constantly. They spoke so much of having a growth mindset, and wanting to grow as a person, but constantly avoided situations that would allow growth. Ugh, I wish I hadn't wasted so much time and energy on this person.

Yes! I get accused of cheating or not loving him ALL the time. I've always been loyal and have never given him reason to suspect even after he was found to be cheating.

Malignant narcissism is a complex and extreme personality disorder characterized by a combination of narcissistic traits, antisocial behavior, and sadism. While it's common for individuals with narcissistic personality disorder to display inconsistent and manipulative behaviors, the pattern you describe, with extreme shifts from being very nice to acting like a monster, is often associated with a specific form of emotional manipulation known as the "idealization-devaluation-discard cycle."

@PuppetMasterdaath144

7 ай бұрын

there are a tons of nuance into that is not covered by simply classification a single contextual parameters , such an oversimplification guess its okay for the simpletons not able to process anything above a certain threshold of understanding

@ND-or5so

7 ай бұрын

From one extreme to another doesn't teach us anything, but that they are crazy. They can't just explain or discuss like people are supposed to do. Apparently, they think the rules don't apply to them.

@ND-or5so

7 ай бұрын

@@PuppetMasterdaath144 Interesting way of speaking.

@PuppetMasterdaath144

7 ай бұрын

@@ND-or5so Because of my poor grammar?

@ND-or5so

7 ай бұрын

@@PuppetMasterdaath144 I don't understand

During my separation I was so shocked on how fast I picked up on red flags and it was extremely easy to block them etc.

"I hate drama" from my ex meant more like "I hate when I do toxic stuff and you call me on it, so don't make up drama"... haha

I realize over my life review that I was a covert and overt narcissist. Probably a bit of Asperger's mixed in. I'm self aware now. It is super cringe to think of how I behaved as a human. But it is just that, a human with faulty programming. You just gotta see it and pivot from it. Never attempt to change it or navigate it. Abandon it, and work toward being the best YOU. All we got.

"focus on the lessons rather than the pain"

"everything they do is behind the scenes" so true, not open. Until it's opened and everyone sees 👀 👀 👀 👀

Yes. I had no idea the covert narcissist in my family was gossiping and making troll concern comments to anyone who’d listen and is very clever at baiting people and when they react she plays the victim and gets sympathy. Thank goodness she discarded me but alas she triangulates and still has a way to negatively impact my relationships.

The last bit a out seeming calm but saying mean and insulting things until I say something in frustration is exactly what she does. She triggers me, then savagely insults me when i get upset.

Good for you dropping that guy who lied/manipulated! I'm tired of the people who intentionally break rules being the ones who get ahead of those who are conscientious and honest. Yeah "its just a drink" today, but the truth is it happens chronically over and over in a hundred ways.

I think, when they say "I don't like drama", they're basically telling you that you are no longer in control of anything if you want this relationship. So if you have a different opinion.... you're DRAMA. If you say no... DRAMA. If you try to compromise on an issue.... DRAMMMMAAAAA. If you want to share how the way they treat you hurts you.... ACADEMY AWARD 👏👏👏 Also... he whole "All I want in a relationship is respect and peace" is basically just saying "if you ever do anything that irks me in the slightest.... you're drama and you need to apologise, or I'll leave".

I am so shocked for the last few days.... I was so focused on getting better after break up with an abussive and narcissistic partner, that I didn't notice my bestie as well being one. Finally I see it all....

"Sometimes you don't know who their friends are and who their enemies are."

OMG gossip beyond belief. And all that gossip is lies with the narc I know. I became friends with one person they "discarded" only to find out the real reason the person left the narc, and everything the narc gossiped to me about them was a lie too!

This is really hitting home for me. I have been running in circles thinking I was going crazy and that my memory was failing. I would clearly remember something totally innocuous and say "remember that time" and she would tell me it never happened or I never said this or that. I clearly remembered the event too...she would come back every now and again telling me what happened and it would be almost exactly what I had said just tweaked a little. The one thing I hated most was driving anywhere with her. She HAD to micro manage my driving, and would lose it if I went a way she didn't tell me to. That, and if she asked me a question where the answer required a little explanation she would snap, and start saying "hurry up yes or no yes or no". The real kicker was I was told one day that I didn't seem happy enough to see her when I walked in the door. Was a little annoyed about something that happened like 5 min before. Told her that I needed a second to cool down and explained what had happened. She still got mad saying I was being mean to her...This all snowballed into me getting a list of things i've said to her that upset her with the date it happened that went 6 months back and included things we had already talked about and put to rest...completely unrelated things. The worst part is this was all coming from a Licensed Clinical Social Worker working at the local ED. Sorry to dump all this here i'm just still so confused about everything, looking for answers, and don't really have anyone to talk to about any of it.

@SaturdaysWarriors

7 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I feel a little less alone. I was married for 20 years to a man who did the exact same thing. The gaslighting is crazy making. After 11 affairs, he finally left me for one of his mistresses and I told him that nothing about him was real., that being married to him felt like being trapped in a carnival fun house of smoke and mirrors for 20 years. He took it as a compliment. 🤔 Your example of yours bringing up the "list" reminded me of when I was nearly 9 months pregnant with my 5th child (the oldest was only 8) and he told me that he had "proof" that I had never loved him. (this was right after his 3rd affair). I said, "what are you talking about?" and he replied that I didn't wash his socks. At that stage of pregnancy I couldn't even SEE his damn socks! I was stunned, I forgave 3 affairs already and his big complaint was that apparently I was the only one who knew how to wash socks and hadn't. So so so many instances like this over the 20 years and looking back I just shake my head. You can't make up the things they put you through to make you think you're the crazy one. Best to you.

@karmabosman7206

6 ай бұрын

I don't want to be one of those people on the internet encouraging a stranger to end a relationship. But... If a relationship makes you doubt yourself I would encourage you to take some distance for a prolonged period. Just cool things down with this person and quietly disappear, to get space to regain a semblance of self. Don't explain yourself either because she will probably make it about her the way she makes irrelevant things about herself. And the issue is when you are in the moment with them they play on your feelings. Even if you know what you want to do, this tactic that these people have of guilt tripping you into feeling like you did everything wrong and you must be a bad person, makes you so full of doubt and makes you give into them, everytime. Yes, I don't know if I'd say walk away, but I think distance can help you reclaim confidence in your reality and perspective, and this might help you to untangle yourself from their web of derogatory delusions. And from there you can decide if you still want to be with them when they don't really respect you. Also keep watching these sorts of videos! The more articulate you become in terms of this foggy manipulation, the more equipped you are to make your own decisions and not have them changed for you by another person.

@spaceowl5957

5 ай бұрын

Don’t let her drive you crazy, looking at it from the outside, these things are clearly manipulation tactics. I know it can be a very hard pill to swallow if you trust her but she is not trustworthy, and you need to get out of there.

Hate drama really rings true for me, I'm being alienated from our children together and I have somehow become the bad guy in the situation. He had the children for a weekend never returned them, still in court 3 years on.

The reactive abuse never stopped. Over a decade and 2 kids. Being under that pressure daily can destroy anyone. Lost who I was. Def reacted at times. Then was told my reaction was the problem and only issue and so goes the shit cycle. Absolutely devastating. Basically took me a miracle and near tragedy to get the courage to leave and heal.

18 years with a covert narc. His on off hot cold tactics had me. Feeling very trapped now.

@lena-Ramone

7 ай бұрын

You can see he is a person of the lie. Thats a start. You do not have to feel trapped. Plan your escape. Get on your pedestal. You can do it !!

@Rabswood296

4 ай бұрын

Get out go no contact it is the only way.

They hate the “drama” of someone questioning their bull

My ex would always state “feelings are not facts”, and the moment I expressed my feelings; he would say “you lost me, I can’t feel what you’re feeling”. I’ve learned this was a straight up manipulation tactic

I recently found out about covert narcissism, and finally 24 years of my marriage make sense, things I have been upset about are now seen with crystal clear clarity. He is everything you spoke of and I am very trapped in the marriage, he convinced me to move to alaska so very far from any of my friends and family…and even drove my son (his stepson) to leave and say he is never returning….after that I realized I am married to a monster and need to find a way to escape…but he is ex special ops military and I am scared of what he would do if I left

@MielaMaze

8 ай бұрын

😥😢. Good luck to you ❤

@eddier155

7 ай бұрын

We are the ones that gives those type of people their "power". If you're smart about it there's absolutely nothing he could do to you or your son when you leave. Be grateful that you've realized where you're at in life and make those plans asap. Life is too short to just hand over our power to people that don't have our best interest at heart.

@lena-Ramone

7 ай бұрын

Yes it took someone else saying 'thats covert narc' i only thought their were the flamboyant ones but knew their was something dark and lacking empathy and bitter going on

In retrospect, I recall my ex narc looking at me with that smirk on his face while I struggled to make sense of his lies and convince myself that "It could be true" (cognitive dissonance).

@lena-Ramone

7 ай бұрын

Yea its hard when you think is this for real id never behave like that.

It sure sounds like my ex-friend turned cyber bully is a covert narcissist. And when you told the story of the guy you briefly knew, my ex-friend did the same thing, maybe not lying to get stuff, but she had me and other people buying her stuff, and she bragged about it too. She also said she hated confrontation and drama, and that she shut down when confronted. She pulled the victim act all the time, yet tried to make herself out to be the bravest most bad-arse girl around. She could be sweet, but then on the flip side, she was incredibly arrogant and entitled. I hated her imposition in my life during the last half of our association. I don't want to call it a relationship or "friendship" because it was all so cringe. She was insane with the demands on my time and energy.

@AmbyJeans

8 ай бұрын

Holy crap you just described my ex bff, that was 100% her

@oceanelf2512

8 ай бұрын

Wow! It's scary and amazing to ponder this. I'd never dealt with someone so parasitic before, and so babyish at 37, but it's scary to think there are more out there. @@AmbyJeans

My narc ex actually said “I had to shut down my empathy to live with someone because if I care about anything I will have to care about everything.”

Wow. Great last one with the "other people's drama but not my own"

Is self-sabotage a trait? I am convinced someone I know is a vulnerable narcissist, they have a very strong victim mentality. They made some choices recently where they almost ended up homeless, and it was completely unnecessary and avoidable, had they taken the action they needed to. We never hear the last of it and it further validates their 'I am a victim' narrative.

@howarddavies136

7 ай бұрын

The most succinct description I've heard of a covert narcissist is that they are the victim and hero of their own story.

@julieibbotson6193

7 ай бұрын

@howarddavies136 Interesting...I am learning a lot from here about what makes the narcissist tick and on what to do and what not to do, thanks.

@triple999fruitful

5 ай бұрын

Yes, Being seen as a good person and a victim is so important that their lack of situational awareness can easily lead them into stupid situations. Being kind to people to validate themselves sets up traps. You are their next victim. Targeting people who have empathy and or a happy is like a pool of life blood they want you sucked dry and miserable because they want your energy and one can like you or love you because you are their life blood. So yes, they get comfortable with their tricks, so absorbed, they can easily hurt their own best interests because many are ruthless, they screw up and there's such a thing as safety, safeguards and appropriate processes.

@triple999fruitful

5 ай бұрын

Edit, no one can like or love you. (Total isolation, total power over you. If you are weak and vulnerable, you are not capable of real survival or thriving, so they've isolated themselves as well, to easily fall into trouble.)

@dianaprince7713

5 ай бұрын

Sounds like someone I know, too.

My biggest point here, that almost made me feel like I was insane, was dealing with the shaming behind my back and then when I explode, I "am the problem". She made me seem like everything is my fault with her family and mother. It is such a shameless tactic to use on people and even after 3 years, it still haunts me.

An empathetic person will never have to tell you they are an empath A rich mam wont tell you hes rich Actions do the talking

These videos are just too good... I can't stop watching. The relief to finally know my narcissist is really helps! I'll stop being manipulated and controlled. They're actually bullies. Booze bullies, food bullies etc etc hopefully you might cover bullying.

I don’t know if you read this comments or not, but if you do, I want you to know that you have helped me so much with your videos. My father is a toxic narcissist who abused me most of my life verbally and physically, and your videos really help me put things in perspective. Keep up the great work. ❤

Yours is the first channel that discusses narcissism, that has really made me feel like you actually understand how it feels to deal with a narcissist. Thanks!

@Stardustpal25

7 ай бұрын

Also use Dr. Ramani, Rebecca Zung, Danish, Lee Hammock, Dr. Sam Vaknin, who did the research, coined the phrases, and, the great Teacher, Richard Grannon. This Channel IS amongst The Best. 🌹🤝 Good job being good to Yourself. 🤶🕯️

I'm so glad you used that example of the "I'm calm" with the reactive abuse. This IS my husband's specialty. Or WAS, until I caught on. I can't tell you how many times he'd lie, I'd confront him, he'd be an utter ass about it because of course it was my fault for catching him and whatnot, etc etc. Lying is probably my #1 trigger and he knows it so he knew it'd get me emotional....and yes, to see him sit there and smirk and talk about how he was the calm one... I'm SO glad I caught on that the lying was serving a purpose for him. It was allowing him to paint me as the crazy, unstable one when I'd react to it...both in his own mind and in the minds of my mother and other flying monkeys he repeated it to. Now, I just assume he's lying pretty much all the time because it's about 50-50 and then I'm pleasantly surprised when not. If he is, I let him know I know and walk off. No emotion, no drama. It's amazing the peace I've found since I stopped caring about him or playing his reindeer games.

My girlfriend met a lesbian in her elder community. She told my girlfriend, when we break up,she will be there to pick up the pieces. From where I stood, it seemed she was going to try to break us up. That is exactly what she did so that sounds like triangulation to me. Thank you for the insight.

You're always on point. Thank you!

omg, there's sol many vids of yours that i think "yeah they get it", but this one just smashes home how right you are. i could cry

The projection is insane. It even went meta with him and had me so confused. I said “I feel like you’re accusing me of all the things you’re actually doing just to stop me from bringing them up.” And he would say “no, that’s exactly what you’re doing to me!”

It’s really interesting watching your videos. I was lost in a 15 year relationship and now that I finally had enough, I’m realizing every step and point made in these videos describe her

I like that! Focus on the lessons & not the pain. Well said.

Oh my gosh, I would have turned around and gotten a cab/Uber. On top of everything else, you don’t have a date with the emotional capacity to actually buy you a drink on your date. He has to steal it!

@CommonEgo

8 ай бұрын

Funny story, we actually took separate cars because of the previous manipulation I mentioned, so I could have just gone home. I decided not to make an issue if it, really I doubt there were consequences for anyone. And I don’t think he was a terrible person, I’m just not super comfortable around people who are natural liars like that

I love the pop ups! It really helps visually when you watch it POP during the process of processing what happened. Something similar happened to me with an old acquaintance of mine who I had a set unpleasant experience with. During our outing, he immediately got verbally aggressive (because I dared to NOT fall in line and agree with something he said). He was tying to gather data on my worst traits (with the obvious intent to weaponized later). I won’t go on as to how ridiculous the interaction got, needless to say “the overdrive” was off the chain. A few days later I decided to compare the experience to a “how to know if you are talking to a narcissist”. It was scored to 25 with 25 being full blown covert narcissism. He scored 19/25.😶. Needless to say, he no longer exist in my world.

What to add to this discussion...? Everything comment is relatable. Almost every day I remember a scenario with my ex and think "oh, that's why she said that, acted like that." It's funny how she would actually lose track of her defenses and not realize that she's completely telling on herself. My favorite line: "why do I always have to defend myself!" Stay strong everyone!

You explain things so carefully. It's so hard to explain this stuff. 🎉

This video is describing overt narcissists, rather than covert ones. A covert narcissist is actually codependent and it identifies with being good and nice.

You are explaining everything that I'm going through in my life, on my job, and with half sister's.

STORY TIME: I mirror their behavior, taken psychiatry and psychology and it opened my eyes to NPD. I had no idea such a thing existed! I knew "grandiose" folks, but they were ones I just could not put my finger on it... Yes I'm empathetic. Now I hate it, being one. I take on people's emotions like it's my crown. WTH I know... I've been in therapy... couples too...two , yes two don't judge lol asked me the same thing: " if I thought my partner was toxic"? Ok... So, I've been with him since I was 30 years old. I'm 46 now, he's 50. WE both, wanted the same things, ; house, get married, carry/ adopt a child... Get married in Hawaii and Bora Bora I picked for my/ our honeymoon... Only fair right? He picked the destination wedding I picked honeymoon. I thought that was a great idea, and I respected him for taking pride in his wedding. Just as his wedding, as mine. Ladies forget, it's a partnership....well, forward to today... Not married, I have moved away from all my closest friends since I knew when I was a teenager....I never got to see my Mom, she passed away at 61 very suddenly... See, his Mom, his mother is living with us AND has been for ten years now. NOT HOW I IMAGINED/ HE TOLD ME- "it's just for lil while until we buy a house with a mother in law suite". Still no suite. She's up my bum. Really, her bathroom is next to mine I can hear her fart. Not funny. I'm just starting to realize, blindfolded off, he will never commit, he will stay the same, I will ALWAYS be "at fault" for all that happens in people's lives. Including mine. "I'm my worst enemy", you would die out there without me" , "you'll never find anyone like me", "you'll miss me" I'm so sick of this crap. I'm a full time student, I work 12-24 hour shifts as a CNA. He got me efed up. He's never seen me grind this hard. That's because I cannot count on him. Zero. When I worked at 4am having an AP anatomy exam at 730 am, he called me from jail to pick him up and bail him out. He's been gone 3 DAYS. Just like that, he expected me to run two hours away. Nahhhh I thought. I picked him up. Last minute, I even slept in, I didn't answer my phone at all on my way there, I covered all my bases at school, I pulled up his face was scared" I didn't think you were coming!!!" Yup I wasn't. That was his last time. There is no next time. Story 2: Hello walk out while I'm studying, go next door and give the neighbor a HUGE SPEAKER to play music while I'm studying for my tests. No joke. They're / neighbors getting wasted, when I saw him naked on the porch outside, he was so inhibriated he was peeing on himself. I just left him. Then unfortunately, he started peeing the bed, 3-4 times a week. I just burst out crying out of anger, frustration, despair..I just changed those sheets, put a nice comforter on, pillow cases, and he's peeing on me while I'm trying to sleep. I still don't know how I made the Dean's List. Two semesters in a row. Now I know I do not need him. That's not love. He will never hold himself accountable for anything in his life. I stopped holding my breath. I put him on a pedestal. I lost MYSELF, my sense of self. Now that I'm stronger, he is scared. Because I will walk out whenever I want to. Granted, I still don't fall for his gaslighting, stonewalling. "You do you boo" you do you"!! That's all I got. Thank goodness for psychiatry and psychology classes. He's a textbook covert NPD. I never would have thought.. I always thought I was a good judge of character.. SMH Much love y'all ❤❤ stay educated ❤

No they like other people's drama too, they feed off of it, they don't like drama that singles them out or exposes them or has people questioning them.

I want to rename this video, 7 ways to describe my ex girlfriend.😅

@lc4972

8 ай бұрын

😆

You have a lovely radio voice too. You may already have one but a podcast might be another revenue stream for you and you could also help people like you are. Big hugs to a warm hearted lady.

Absolutely 💯 agree with the last comment on the tv!! Going through that right now. Family event soon. I am not going to be alone with her. If everyone leaves the table, I’m following. If the living room, I’ll let the dogs in the backyard and go play with them. Or by myself and be on my phone talking to someone. She’s usually on her best behavior in front of others who know she’s full of crap around the ones in the group who don’t. But alone no way.

Just listening to this is making me feel nauseous: flash backs of emotional tsunami. Good post. Well done.

They sometimes will also openly say it to you in subtle words during a time you might perceive them as being vulnerable. They will say things like, they are broken or they were previously unwanted. This will guilt trip their victim into loving them more or blinding them. There are also subtle signs like pouting when they are moody, early on before the devalue phase and before the mask comes off. You know it's the end when they do something that makes you sad and they call you to gauge how sad you are or they start poking at your character when you've told them full well what kind of person you are at the beginning of the relationship. Like why you didn't flag down the waiter for a table (when you are standing next to the please wait here to be seated sign).