You are literally one of the most helpful people in the world.

@dorrisday6084

7 жыл бұрын

i agree

@nezmirage9565

7 жыл бұрын

No doubt!

@franescadiano

7 жыл бұрын

I agree. Thank you for everything

@dorissin3784

6 жыл бұрын

Me too, I agree.. You have been so helpful in making me realise and understand what I was going through. Thank you so much

@gg_rider

6 жыл бұрын

cool screen name

I spent a year with a guy. The first day we met (within 20 minutes), he insulted my lifestyle and I told him he was insulting and walked away. He apologised and said it was 'just a joke'. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt. For the next 6 months, he claimed to 'respect' and 'admire' my lifestyle and asked many questions about it. Then one day, out of the blue, after 6 months, he insulted me again in the same way as on the first date. I assumed he was 'just teasing' and said nothing. For the next 6 months, he continued to make this same insult EVERY TIME WE MET! I always came away feeling like shit and second-guessing myself. "Does he mean it? No. He's a nice guy but just has a vile sense of humour." This was for 6 months. I know I was abused by both parents as a child and probably have some form of cPTSD. This knowledge in itself leads me to question myself. "Am I just being overly sensitive and he has the right to joke?" I know now that he was insulting me. A friend 'casually' chatted to him with the intention of finding out what he really felt. I was told that "he really does think your lifestyle is 'pointless', 'annoying' and 'stupid'." So, it appears that my ex wanted to express his contempt whilst hiding behind "I'm just kidding." I shouldn't have been asking myself, "Does he mean it? Is he being abusive? Am I being oversensitive?" but rather, "He makes me feel like shit after every date, which isn't something everyone does. So whether he's intentionally trying to upset me is irrelevant. I should end the relationship now." I believe there was a part of me that didn't want to reject 'an innocent person' but that's not why we have relationships. We have them to enhance our lives. If someone doesn't, that's not a relationship we should continue. > If it makes you feel like shit and it's every single day...End it.

@Sicofonia

6 жыл бұрын

Well done for finding the courage to leave. I relate to your story a lot, coming from an abusive father background I did not have the tools to deal with my highly narcissistic girlfriend. Like you said, if the relationship makes one feel like shit... it is a relationship that has to end. That's how I've been feeling for a year long now. It's time to move on. Stay well my friend!!

@beccastell6439

6 жыл бұрын

Yep. I can relate, British Guy. Thank you for a very insightful post! Tho for me more often it has been friends than partners, causing issues I too.... I met one lass online - thank God it WAS online not at an event - it was easier to spot becasuse there's no doubt - you have a copy of what folk said - which is why online "beware of folk who ask more questions than they answer".... Very early on she switched to assumptions about me based on my disability that were a bad match for my actual reality but were flagging a person who actually had zero respect for folk with my condition - even if we shared an orientation (!) and she assumed I would have the same self- value (pretty damn low and ablist. I'm Disability Rights blogger so I got out pretty fast for me - but of course I did a lot of second guessing of was I being fair etc etc and then SHE told me I was being mental health discriminatory if I wouldn't go out with her. She had a diagnosis - it wouldn't be fair to disclose. She did not disclose her diagnosis but friends told me wjhen tehy realised I did not know and was tying myself in knots. Thankfully this was friends who also have MH issues so we didn't feel we were tag team bullying and could mean I knew she would be supported by mutual friends. I realise how much of the condition manifesting as terror I would leave her meant she couldn't help treating friends well but potential partners horribly but as you say relationships are not meant to leave us feeling instantly shittily confused after every call. Further you have a right to be safe from actual physical or mental abuse. The other flag is "You have to love me, you have to prove you understand mental illness". Honey, I don't "have to" anything and you forgot to notice that I DO unerstand it - from the inside - but you'ere erasing taht so I fit the narrative of 'no-one understands this disorder - bad people." It's disturbing how easily people's prejuduices give them away, thank god they do! But by then we are quick to doubt ourselves from long practice! I am glad you too had a mate who sounded this out for you without judging either. I see your post is a year old - so as the season comes round again, Merry Xmas and may it be a happy, fulfilled one!

@bonnie1097

6 жыл бұрын

British Guy exactly! Perfectly said!

@lmfao8314

6 жыл бұрын

British Guy Thanks for your life story

@MsBettyRubble

5 жыл бұрын

EU V1 Well said. I completely agree. It applies to any relationship including the school a person goes to, where they work, or the religious institution they belong to.

'Normal communication between adults isn't bewildering, isn't humiliating, doesn't hurt and isn't angst-ridden'. Thank you, really, so much. I've believed I'm a bad person incapable of love all my life. I've spent 47 years trying to prove to my family I'm worthy. The past 15 years I've tried desperately to get them to acknowledge there's something wrong with how they interact with me. I don't want to do this anymore. It's killing me actually. I'm so terribly unhappy. I think there is nothing more I can do except give up and walk away.

@khadijakhadija9860

5 жыл бұрын

So me

@elizaz3627

5 жыл бұрын

Same with me. I started recognizing and understanding what my family did and still does, is a problem they have and not me. I took me until my 30s to realize and I am still learning and educating myself on this matter, every day. It is sad, it is exhausting and most of all: a waste of my precious lifetime. My past follows me every day, fear of the future is a faithful companion to my negative memories and thogether they rob me of being in the here and now, which is the only that should matter. But it is also so hard to let go, as stupid as it sounds. I am kind of accepting that I will always carry this with me, for as long as I live but I need to stop feeling as if I am not worth it. Easier said than done. Narcisstic abuse is a terrible, energy-sucking and degrading experience but learning to understand it and watching videos like this helps alot. Especially knowing there are so many other people who are going through the same thing is sad on one side but in some way comforting to know, that I am not alone with this.

@maplenook

4 жыл бұрын

It does kill indeed

@fifilafleur5555

4 жыл бұрын

Stevie Blighter, I think you’re correct. All we can do is walk away. They will not change. Leave them to their dysfunction and be proud we see the truth and can get out & save ourselves.

@lollic307

4 жыл бұрын

Same. I'm 39. Walk away. Find a mate. Make your own family

I think and most unfortunately most of us who suffer or have suffered this type of abuse will only really question it after the event has happened.

@janedoh1648

4 жыл бұрын

DeAtHaToMiC true. It’s kind of like people who come out of the control of a cult. They didn’t realize they were being manipulated and brainwashed til they are ready to step outside themselves and look objectively, fresh perspective. And at this point they become stronger, maybe a bit more closed off, protected, but stronger in their convictions and self worth.

@anncarg8904

Жыл бұрын

0

"Adrenalized" that's how I felt just being around him or talking to him on the phone. So much "bewildering" stuff was happening, that I always felt not scared, not angry, not hurt - adrenalized, antsy, uneasy.

@saray678

3 жыл бұрын

You’ve hit the nail right on the head

@socol76

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, and when that adrenaline goes down if you’re not around them you crash and you want them back to give you that hit one more time!

Almost 2 weeks ago a friend suggested I check out some youtube videos on narcissistic abuse. Less than 3 days later and having watched most of your videos - I left. Thank you for this amazing resource.

@RICHARDGRANNON

8 жыл бұрын

+Leslie Anne Gwin "Go then, for there are other worlds than these" the Dark Tower glad to have helped, glad that you have the strength to leave. Be well!

@carment3492

7 жыл бұрын

RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH ...Go slow past the drawers... S.K., Dark Tower

@mgtowbooboo8530

6 жыл бұрын

You left your friendship?

@buzzingbee9499

5 жыл бұрын

Good for you. You would have been discarded eventually anyway. Wish I had done that instead of induring the abuse because I was discarded

@DulceN

4 жыл бұрын

WolfThorn - 'you should have gone'.

32 years of it. I can't even tell about many things he's done to me. I am now struggling to see myself as a full human, worthy of being equal to even a stranger on the street. Your videos now give me hope.

Apologizing to my body for the humongous amounts of adrenaline cocktails it has consumed for the past 20 years ...

@fifilafleur5555

4 жыл бұрын

130brenda, it made me sick and put me in ER.

@DulceN

4 жыл бұрын

Same here, 50 years in my case and a few autoimmune diseases as a reminder.

@bigirlgayah3589

4 жыл бұрын

Ytt745

@tim3854

4 жыл бұрын

hey there, hand over your adrenochrome

@flamingsword777

4 жыл бұрын

@@DulceN 40 years in and i developed thyroid cancer. This crap is real! Sorry you are having autoimmune issues..... I have lots of issues that are all on an axis and directly due to multiple traumas, abise and chaos throughout my entire life. God is SO good though.... He has healed me of my issues even in thr midst of still being with the persons who caused me so much pain. I pray that He would also heal you of your medical issues as well in Jesus' Holy Name.... God BLESS you!

You are NOT "oversensitive" A true narcissist is one of the most toxic and abusive people imaginable, and their favorite tactic is to paint YOU as the big horrible abusive judgemental bully, and themself as the poor innocent wronged victim. If they lie about you...well you "made me misunderstand". If you object to their abuse "You're against me! You don't really LOVE me! You're being *JUDGEMENTAL against me." or "You're just being oversensitive" and chances are there will be an attitude from their family that "well s/he's different and s/he's special and you just have to be more understanding" and "You need to be more accepting, less judgemental, and try harder to avoid upsetting them". If any of these things sound like someone in your life, RUN. If its someone you're dating, dump them quick!

@allisfaith

6 жыл бұрын

Christine Cameron useful post

@2ndBirth

5 жыл бұрын

`You're really sensitive arent' you?' ... Bloody hell that rings bells.

@victorbeardman1610

4 жыл бұрын

But one of the worst thing with these people is that they encourage bullying and harrassment in other people for fun and even like to brag about their own bullying to other people in the past. The sad thing is that many narcisissts just happen to work as teachers and caretakers for small children aswell as teenagers. Narcisissts likes the attention from other people often outside of their family, in an environment where they can be leaders like in school.

@missheartbreaker1213

4 жыл бұрын

My mom

@alyssacanarte6152

4 жыл бұрын

My step mom is the ring leader of my family.

I disagree this is no longer rare. narcissists have been in high numbers for years they just were not labeled before

@janedoh1648

4 жыл бұрын

L Gray yes but no one walks around with labels, it’s hard to discern at first because they don’t start with the bs until they’ve hooked you.

‘Doesn’t matter if Bob has NPD. If he makes Sally feel shitty for years, then she should leave Bob regardless of the reason’ Sí!!!!!!!!!!!

I often asked myself, would this narc say or do that to another person outside the family? Usually, no. They only target certain people. They know what they are doing.

@howard1beale

4 жыл бұрын

Yes but the problem ISNT who they target. The problem is that certain people are attracted to them. And are not put off by their bullshit. That's the problem.

@howard1beale

4 жыл бұрын

@@yellowraincoat3777 I'm not talking about their victims. I'm talking about whether or not the problem is who they target. and that's NOT the problem imho. The problem is that a lot of people think they love snd/or need the Narcissist. This is because if lots of reasons but the TRUTH is that the only person who really needs the Narcissist is the narcissists young minor under 18 year old children. Husbands wives boyfriends adult children and siblings do NOT need the Narcissist and if they ste really honest euth themselves and gave even a modicum if self esteem they know deep down that they DON'T need a Narcissist in their lives. They waste decades waiting hoping and orsting for the Narcissist to change instead of changing themselves. But caret in believing you're a victim if that risks for you. And while you're doing that, try to remember that if they weren't born Narcissistic, which wouldn't be their fault, then they were created. By whom? Their probably abusive parents that's who. Goodbye

@patriciaclark1492

4 жыл бұрын

Roxanne Osbit . YES YES SUCH A GREAT POINT. HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT!

@patriciaclark1492

4 жыл бұрын

TheLaura1304 They will meet their Creator one day, they have been given chance after chance to TURN From THEIR murderous soul killing robbing destructive self serving ways . They are Cain and Judas types. Vessels for destruction with souls belonging to their master and lord of lies THE EVIL ONE. Wheat from Tares. Motivations of their heart? Spirits to discern? REPENTANCE IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN and prayer will not even work if it is not GODS WILL. HOPELESS. TRULY HOPELESS PPL. EARTHLY EXPERTS SAY ZERO CHANCE THESE NARCS CAN CHANGE. H O P E L E S S. DEMON PORTALS.

@happyhermit931

4 жыл бұрын

@@patriciaclark1492 completely agree with you there .

I agree that narcissism is trending (for want of a better word) online these days. And, I do think that this can lead to labeling every asshole we meet as a narcissist without actually seeing if they meet the criteria for diagnosis. When I first realized the truth about my family of origin, I was deeply traumatized and paranoid. I was seeing narcissists everywhere. It took me some time, healing, and education to realize that not every garden variety asshole I met was a malignant narc or a sociopath. But, I also think that we live in a time in which there are more narcissists out there. It's really too complex a subject to write about here, but I honestly think that we as a society are actually breeding narcissists and sociopaths.

@lorimiller4301

7 жыл бұрын

Artist Survivor I would say making them. Stopped mutilating little boys is the place to start. God knows what he's doing, it is suppose to be that way. Are you smarter than God ? If a man wishes to remove it, fine but at least let him make the choice about his body. You're just causing trauma and pain, no wonder men are angry at women. We're suppose to protect them against such intimate invasion. How can a new Mother not have compassion ?

@jorgepeterbarton

6 жыл бұрын

I think just take abuse as abuse if it is. Does it matter if they are NPD? Neurotypical people can engage in narcissism, in fact its rife in our culture, so y'know they are probably being narcissistic...you don't have to make every enemy into the bogeyman to realise they are toxic. You need to think about the relationship, the interaction, not the other personality instead. Otherwise you'll never really know, you can't diagnose them, it will just lead to confusion.

@margueriterose1985

6 жыл бұрын

Sooooo true. I see abusive behaviour everywhere. I encounter it every day.

@kyalucero7977

5 жыл бұрын

Like jorge said, if they’re being an asshole how are they any different to the detriment of someone with NPD? They might as well be labelled too, as if being a certain asshole makes you NPD, being an asshole in general should gain you a label too. It’s suspicious.

@VioletJoy

Жыл бұрын

Interesting thought.

Empaths also need to cultivate enough self awareness around themselves and understand that their own needs and desires to help/ fix / bear with these broken individuals are unrealistic. X

@flamingsword777

4 жыл бұрын

Jesus would HIGHLY disagree with you....

@NaNa-re3wc

2 жыл бұрын

@@flamingsword777 Tell him to hop off that fucking cross and tell the person he disagrees himself then.

@NaNa-re3wc

2 жыл бұрын

@@flamingsword777 Jesus can also hop off that cross and fix those people himself instead of letting others be abused by them. THEIR behavior THEIR responsibility, not anyone else’s.

@flamingsword777

2 жыл бұрын

@@NaNa-re3wc I agree with you WHOLEHEARTEDLY. I have grown A LOT in a year due to the hell i went through at the hands of SEVERAL narcs in my life and i left EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.... I send you all the love, peace, goodness, understanding and joy I have within me. Many blessings be upon you and your family..... 😊❤

Guy told me "You better not dog me and you better call me everyday." - After 3 dates. I told him about a friend that was having a rough time and he said, "Your friend is crazy and tell her, that her friend(meaning me) is crazy too." Very self important as well. When I would not take his calls he messaged me on FB and I told him that I did not like his subtle put downs and that his sarcasm was a turn off. He says, "OMG! I never said that!" Gaslighted then said, "This is ------ (his name) Do you know who you are talking to? " Then he switched it up and said "Please, we need to talk about this! You know how I feel about you! Please we need to meet to talk about this!" I did not respond. BYE!

@gritsonamission

4 жыл бұрын

Yes! That's how ya' do it! *Clapping and cheering*

@nakedglass

4 жыл бұрын

Yea I've met a person like that before. Found out he had been diagnosed as a real psychopath. It was only a work relationship but it was enough to leave me feeling truly creeped out for quite some time.

5:27 You pretty much nailed it, the narc abuse community on youtube is guilty of doing this constantly (not everyone though) I've come across 5 channels exactly like this! They're convinced they're practically therapists even if they have no actual education on the matter, they post constant videos spouting their faulty "advice"...And anyone who disagrees with them or calls them out on their bullshit are labeled "narcissist!!!!!" This is why I love your channel so much, you are educated and actually know what you're talking about.

@ConTodayTempo

8 жыл бұрын

+Zion Adams I had this exact experience with a lady a couple of weeks back

@jigsawbreaker

8 жыл бұрын

+Zion Adams you are so right, it's crazy

@YodanboogerLives

8 жыл бұрын

+Zion Adams I generally can't stand YT communities. The wadsworth constant is useless on SLC videos and that's the only reason I've been able to watch so many. I just don't have the patience for all thosee three minute, throat clearing, "sooooooo, I deciiiiiiided to maaaake this videeeeoooooo," preambles. But I can relate to what you are saying because you are describing the narc abuse community on reddit as well. I don't know if the YT community is like this but, over there, there is a sick, almost celebratory attitude about the abuse. Somebody shares a story of abuse, they don't talk about it like it's abuse, they talk about it like it's a shiny new toy, and everybody gathers together to masturbate over it. I frequent the PTSD and CPTSD subreddits because the topic is generally about healing and moving forward. Even if the subject is abuse, it is presented as, how do I move past this. The narcissist subreddits weird me out like nobody's business.

@quinadams3181

8 жыл бұрын

+Nicholas Fields +Tom Middleton For some reason I find it kinda fascinating that you both had these experiences with women?? Because for me personally, mostly men have been the worst offenders (don't get me wrong, not trying to insult any gender!!) Well whatever, I'm relieved people are agreeing with me because this has been bothering me for a long time

@quinadams3181

8 жыл бұрын

+YodanboogerLives "they don't talk about it like it's abuse, they talk about it like it's a shiny new toy, and everybody gathers together to masturbate over it" FUCKING THANK YOU! This has always irked me to my core, but I never really knew how to articulate it. Yep, this also this happens frequently in the comment section of youtube. I might try checking out the PTSD subreddists as well, because it is a bit exhausting trying to find sound advice on youtube- spartanlifecouch is the ONLY channel channel I found worth visiting. I feel so conflicted because I don't want to shame anyone who has been a victim of abuse... but the way these people behave is just fucking bizarre.

I do feel that you know if you are being emotionally abused or narcissistically abused if you are starting to come here and look it up and watching these on KZread. Also your gut instincts are pinging off saying something is not right it feels off and it's feels really not right at all. Also if you feel like you have been walking on eggshells stopping yourself from saying or doing something or having to say the right things around someone and it's more of a consistent thing. When you start to question that someone is putting you down and making you doubt your own mind about what's just been said and they twist things and go from loving you to devaluing you and you start to realise they are twisting the story and finally they discard you or stone wall you. And your always questioning something is not right and you feel like a emotional wreck I truly believe you are or have gone through emotional or narc abuse. Also narcs never reflect or give closure. You are literally feeling like..

@namehere8099

4 жыл бұрын

ali cat, Your explanations are spot on!👌🏽💋

@anettaserafin9376

Жыл бұрын

Brilliant points. Thank you.

THIS is the answer I've been seeking. I have a number of people, mostly family members, that have been making me wonder and worry and agonize over this exact question for literally decades. Them, or me? Abuse, or oversensitivity? WHAT? WHAT? Of all the videos I've watched over the last 6 years (since first becoming aware of NPD), this one is the one that has finally, finally given me the tools to answer those questions. The last tip is possibly the best...if I'm going to always feel like shit around certain people, does it really matter exactly why? (Though it IS fascinating...like the blisters on my hands that come after listening to my sister bitch about her boss for three straight hours)...it's enough. Time to move on. THANK YOU!

My husband and I often go through emotional flashbacks, and then we talk it through and analyse our discoveries. I was narcissistically abused and he once dated someone who was a bully and abusive. Different things will trigger us. Sometimes, me having an emotional flashback and reacting a certain way, will trigger an emotional flashback for him. But we always listen to each other after that initial intense moment and apologise for our hurtful words or tones. I think when you have such a strong bond and loving relationship, moments like these can only make your relationship stronger.

@beccastell6439

6 жыл бұрын

We do this too - I worry I'm a narc - as you do- but yes we truigger each other with different things but try to sort through it cognitively! Maybe Sally/Bob acts like.... " It's so hard to know whether we should be breaking up because we KNOW we are codependent, we know why and we want to work at it but we KNOW life won't be getting any easier any time soon! ...

@DavidAKZ

6 жыл бұрын

@Darth. Thanks for your comment. You obviously are both highly intelligent people to understand the nature of consciousness or lack there of and are willing to reflect. The problem I find is when one or other or both despite intelligence are not willing to do so. As Richard points out, an aspect of 'Cluster B' behavior is either to choose or have no ability to reflect. I suspect now it is the latter because the persons world would dissolve if they did. Thanks again.

@DavidAKZ

6 жыл бұрын

@Rebecca. Please watch the following 29 min tv interview and tell me a) who is the narc ii) at what points in the interview the narc becomes unconscious ? In what way do you know you are co-dependant. ? kzread.info/dash/bejne/k4GXzNqMhMuqZZc.html

@andreasleonlandgren3092

5 жыл бұрын

CitizenOWorld well said

@sore5246

5 жыл бұрын

thanks 4 heartwarming sharing- going through something here

I have to admit after watching the videos about Cluster B personality disorders, I had a period of being hyper aware of other people's behaviours, trying to determine if they were being covertly abusive and manipulating me. I grew up in an abusive environment and I've been a people pleaser all of my life. What I've concluded is that it has been my behaviour as an adult that is the most suspect. I can honestly say that I've rarely been mean or abusive to others but I gave of myself too much and then secretly resented it when they took everything I offered. Of course, this resentment turned into guilt and shame. I felt guilty for having mean thoughts about them and felt shame because I must not be good enough for them to consider my feelings. This just perpetuated the cycle. I'm learning now to reprogram my brain to be self-aware and take responsibility for my own behaviour. People cannot use me beyond what I allow. It is my responsibility to set the boundaries with myself and them. It is not easy fighting the inner critic nor is it intuitive for me in determining which behaviours and thoughts are healthy and when they are simply a holdover from what I learned as a child. It's extremely difficult, in fact, and very painful but I am trying to have as much faith in this new reality as I did in my old fantasies. Those fantasies being that if I could just be good enough then someone would love me enough. Now, I tell myself that I am good enough and I can love me. And even as I wrote those words, I had to tell my inner critic, "Yes, I can love myself and that is not being selfish nor is it being egotistical." The KZread videos and the courses on the website have been extremely beneficial. I have learned and healed more from them than I have during my ten plus years of therapy. I am very grateful for you, Richie. Thank you for sharing with us.

@Yosya8059

4 жыл бұрын

Darla W This is very sensible approach! I’m started a book Feeling Good Together and in there it’s highlighted that you can only take responsibility for you own behavior. I haven’t finished the book yet, and have made sort of a mistake - I watched a lot of videos these past days about codependency, NPD, BPD. These are important topics, but I slipped into sulking and having fears about my partner being a narcissist and even hoping that maybe he is just borderline (because all comments about narcissist are really harsh). So I switched to this external agenda about what’s ‘wrong’ with my partner and completely forgot that I had an intention to work on myself for example with help of the book. Just a note, I really love my partner, we just have our bumps and both have some child issues. I really hope that I won’t slip blindly in the self-victimization agenda. Because each case is different. Sorry if the comment is not completely relevant, I am just thankful to you that you insight has helped me think more clearly. I was really in distress about NPD threat that I created for myself. Well, and of course the video, too 😊

@californiaearthquakes8431

4 жыл бұрын

I can't Express to you enough how grateful I am to read this. You have described me and my life to a T. You have explained this so beautifully, and I want you to know this. If you feel so inclined, please reach out to me, I'd love to be a part of your support journey, and you in mine. I'm 7 years into my life in recovery, and my subconscious has just begun to purge some deeply buried wounds to the surface. I'm unlearning toxicity and re programming health & love & learning how to set and hold boundaries. It's the best and hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Not too many people understand. I hope to hear from you!!! 💜💜💜

@abundantlife4758

4 жыл бұрын

Where did you find the videos on cluster b personality disorder? Was it on a specific channel? I happened to meet a guy with this disorder and over two years later it's still affecting me

@jewelsbarbie

4 жыл бұрын

Your comment brought me to tears bc I feel like I could have written it myself, except I wouldn’t have been able to so wonderfully put my feelings and realizations into words. Thank you so much for sharing this. 💛

@willowgray9287

4 жыл бұрын

Like the others who replied to you... I too feel like you put my feelings, thoughts, experiences into words. Beautifully articulated. Thank you. ❤️

Your words at the end are very important. We, need to just be honest and admit how we feel in the relationship.

Both my parents are classical narcs it's ridiculous. I have been in therapy for it and my therapist is certain that both my parents and some of my siblings are narcs and made me the scapegoat. Seeing these videos though really helps me as well because it answers a lot of questions and now I know I'm not crazy. I am not in contact with any of them anymore and will probably not ever see them again (there is a great amount of freedom and peace in that) When I step back and look at my actions I see that whenever with them I too had narcissistic tendencies but the difference is that I'm aware of my actions and have worked on myself through therapy whereas they are completely in the dark.

@Ginabina76

5 жыл бұрын

Me too! Best thing I ever did was to not talk to my mom for a little over a year. Sounds harsh to some but not my problem. I have allowed her back into my life and have been paying dearly ever since. 🤦‍♀️

When I confide in a friend about all the devaluation, the rage, the accusations, demands and insults, I often hear them telling me “he has his good points I’m sure”. It’s like they get the impression I’m just putting him down and that I should overlook the abuse because we’re all imperfect.

@Kayenne54

4 жыл бұрын

Your friend will never understand, unless it happens to them, and you wouldn't wish this experience on your worst enemy. Walk away, no don't walk, RUN away from that relationship. It isn't about you, never was, never will be. You're simply a wall for him to throw crap at. He's a dump truck of emptiness, trash, filth, and he backs up and let's it out all over you and if you're still standing there, know that you don't have to be. You cannot control him. You cannot change him. You cannot fix this relationship. You are not giving up or failing by walking away, you are going towards something so much healthier you'll wonder later why you didn't go sooner. When you do THAT, don't beat yourself up. Make a choice for your life. Let this old one go.

@hoopoe9629

4 жыл бұрын

I’ve had that experience too, with family and friends. One friend didn’t believe it - the guy was pretty well liked and convincing - until she saw the shattered windshield on my car which he had punch while in a rage. It shouldn’t have to come to that. In fact, sometimes it’s that attitude toward us from the people in our lives that causes us to question our own instincts and get into these relationships in the first place. Maybe look for new friends? With family it’s not so easy....

I fell into this dark hole of researching narcissism to determine if my partner of 23yrs was abusing me but realised a lot of it was me giving him permission to use me because I lacked the insight to figure out that my "need to please" and lack of boundaries was what allowed him to do this to me.. I am trying now to work on fixing this for me and not for him. In the last few days I have been able to critically look at myself and I realised I have lived in denial about myself and though I try to shift the blame to him I am many things myself. ..Jealous of others (relationships/status/achievements etc), am insecure, have low self esteem, crave attention and so always turn conversation to talk about myself, I overly exaggerate stories or details to sound more interesting, I lie to protect myself from criticism or facing the consequences of my actions, I am also overly sensitive to everything.. I cannot seem to find the cause of this all as my parents were really quite well rounded and there were no real outward issues which I can point to to place the blame. I believe small minor incidents in my life may have negatively impacted me but even then I am still unable to identify which ones. Don't get me wrong I recognise my partner is unstable and uses some narcissist tactics to keep me under his thumb but I cannot address his faults without looking at my own first. I need to clean my own slate.. Thank you Richard.

@TheBakingGirlShow

Жыл бұрын

U sound like a covert narc.

Sometimes I just put you on, playing on the background, figuring my subconscious will pick up on anything I have missed beforehand. Plus, your voice is so soothing (y)

@arlenemckenna5815

7 жыл бұрын

me too!

@Ski7440

7 жыл бұрын

susanshelit ditto ditto ... Richard is great isn't he !

@nickeegarrison5764

7 жыл бұрын

Me too!

@maxitaxiish

6 жыл бұрын

Haha me too !

@lucyireland6815

6 жыл бұрын

Yes, it's dreamy isn't it?

It rained on my birthday so the sky is a narcissist lmfaooooo! Too funny

I get so tired of hearing from bitter exes whose partner was most likely NOT narcissistic, and from young people whose parents are simply parenting. This is a good video that none of those people will listen to.

@hgzmatt

3 жыл бұрын

There is a middle ground. And if learning about all this stops you from getting abused it's well worth it. If everyone was good to eachother we wouldn't need this.

I think many covert narcissists tell others they are living with a narcissist to get the sympathy they so desperately need.. especially when they then turn it I to how strong and amazing they are for being able to overcome such an awful experiance.

@sarahjohnson8514

4 жыл бұрын

Ezra Ch:9 They certainly do but their behaviours reveal the truth.

New camera? I like it I had a realization in meditation once that said --without the empath there is no psychopath. You need the hypersensitivity to see the narcissist.... Become less hyper-critical/sensitive (by loving yourself more) and the narcs can't manifest in your reality ;)

@stuvs830

8 жыл бұрын

Woah, that is illuminating. I've seen people describe themselves as being an "empath" and its clearly been said with pride. But really, it's more wound than badge, isn't it. Effing narcissists twist everything.

@mposdijk4756

8 жыл бұрын

+Stu VS Empathic abilities are certainly not to be underestimated. Yes, they can be both a blessing and a curse to have. For empaths life is often cruel, but then the empathy gives it this magical twist that makes it bearable again, that's what I find. Being able to feel what others feel has, in my personal experience, enabled me to help people more effectively, because I actually understand what they're going through. And since helping people is a passion of mine, I see that as a blessing. It has also enabled me to feel what pisses people off, and therefore avoid doing exactly that, and therefore avoiding a nasty fight all together. Both a blessing and a curse, because yes, it did prevent a lot of nasty stuff from happening, but it also caused me to put my own needs and boundries aside, which lead to a lot of psychological shit that I'm in therapy for right now. Being empathic has enabled me to bond deeply with people, up to the point where I could feel whenever there was something wrong with them even if we were miles apart from each other. Again, both a blessing and a curse. Blessing, because this kind of connection is a beautiful thing to have, curse, because whenever they feel bad, I feel bad, and that can really get in the way of my own therapeutical process. The curse part is getting less though. In therapy I'm learning to stay autonomous and closer to myself, which causes other peoples feelings to have less effect on me. First, I'd feel other peoples feelings as my own feelings, and now I'm learning to distinguish them from each other. When it's a feeling of my own it seems to be coming from the inside, and when it's from someone else it's coming from the outside, and it stays there, up to the point where I can feel it, but it doesn't penetrate my being, does that make sense? Bottom line, I wouldn't say empathy is 'more' wound than badge. I'd say it's a skill you have to learn to use the right way. In contact with a cluster B person, empaths often use their empathic abilities to feel how they can keep the abuser at ease, so they won't get angry and abuse them. I guess you could say that this then leads to the zombie-witch doctor effect Richard talks about; the empath gets stuck in people-pleaser mode, and thus only uses their empathic abilities for people-pleasing purposes. Does that make sense? But then, when you learn to stay autonomous and centered, and no longer focus on other peoples needs, but instead your own, you can learn to use empathy to please yourself. You can learn to feel who's right for you and who isn't, and protect yourself from nasty pasty's. You can learn to feel what you need to do to get someone to, say, open up to you and connect with you, so you can get your own needs met. You can learn to feel when someone ISN'T a danger to you, even though they seem they are. You can connect with people on a very deep, intimate level, which is a very beautiful and valuable thing to experience. In other words, when you learn to use your skills the right way, empathy can definetely be turned into a blessing, not a curse.

@ReviveUK

8 жыл бұрын

+Soffee Tee I agree about the yin and yang for contrast! and about loving yourself more but in my opinion the belief that self love will prevent narcs from manifesting in your reality isn't valid...I believe they still pop up like at work, social circles etc.... but with greater self love, awareness and education (like from channels like this) we can see them easier & choose to not let them up close in our lives

@icicleicicle

8 жыл бұрын

ReviveUK Yes! that's exactly it! you can see them for who/what they are much more clearly...i find that they tend to disappear from my life now because I am seeing through their masks...when I dont feed into their ego delusions they dont see any use for me and exit the play!

@ReviveUK

8 жыл бұрын

+Soffee Tee progress!! :)

"It rained on my birthday so the sky is a narcissist" LOLOL. I love when you use that funny voice. I've watched soooo many of your videos the last couple days, and they are very helpful. I like your style.

Ive learnt alot today so many thanks. After 4 years I'm Day 2 of me walking away. I feel shell shocked and im hiding away. Recuperate today be strong for tomorrow.

Been lurking for a couple months now, and i have to say - you're a hero, i genuinely thought i was going insane and felt guilty for every emotion or questioning my situation. So cheers to you pal! I'm currently a recluse co dependant to my mother at 25!! shes got bpd and aspd, it's hell, but i know that now it's not just me who has the issues that need resolving. Although i'm pretty sure i got cpstd and am a constant emotional flashback, i'm happy to know these terms now and can see light at the end of the big twisted, logic defying tunnel. Much appreciated again, and keep fighting that good fight!

@jimparsons4312

4 жыл бұрын

Jon p. Move out!!!!!

You have woken up out of a coma and a if you feel like you are in cold turkey after the breakup from a narc and if you feel like you've been drugged and your so confused about what's just happened and you are coming here to look it up or similar I do think you are or have been emotionally and psychologically abused

@beccastell6439

6 жыл бұрын

If you are unlucky - you HAVE been drugged. They do drug you - because after all you are not a person. they may if they are not recreational drug users demand you get treatment when it is them screaming and yelling.... If you are really unlucky you will listen and go to your Dr!

@infjintegrityvsnarcissism7295

6 жыл бұрын

ali cat Spot on Ali. That's how I explained it to others it was like I was being drugged

@carlanc.84

4 жыл бұрын

Swimming like mad now to get to the surface to breathe .. tried several times to push free but he pulls me back down into the confusion of my feelings and now i know its empty ive nothing left take it all. Meditation helps calm waters..

Oh my gawd, I feel sick, this is all so true .....................

When your parents never see the achievements in your life, or spoil any chance of you being happy, is that a good indicator? On the other hand, I suppose that having been abused for ages, makes you hypersensitive, so "you're wrong because they made you wrong".

I have listened to so many youtube narcissistic abuse videos to really educate myself, but I always come back around to your videos. Your presentation really peels back the layers of this complex abuse issue while responsibly expressing that we are to remember to not be "black and white" about narcissism, which is how I was so confused about my mother. She has too many grey areas, which made me question myself about my "sensitivity", as she so characteristically got out of situations, by telling me I am too sensitive. This makes me think.....are they also "grey" to confuse us so we don't so easily pick up on their BS !!!!!

I like the 3rd person perspective. Really helpful

Thank you for your videos! My clarity came when after 11 yrs of marriage he unconciously smirked with pleasure when I was in pain and crying. That led me to watch his actions vs what he was saying at to think it's not me. Which in turn led me to books and videos like these. I never heard of cluster b personality before that. I never knew people like that existed even after growing up with a parent like that.

@halcyondays8945

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. I’ve seen that evil smirk as well. It’s chilling.

did you say rocking horse shit? lol

@paulaa2670

8 жыл бұрын

Its now a goal of mine to find an opening someday to use that line, somehow, somewhere!

@nzdoris6717

8 жыл бұрын

Challenge accepted :-)

@lilitincher4973

8 жыл бұрын

+Paula A Well, unfortunately, those kind of therapist are as rare as rocking horse shit where I live. There Paula A, got to use it in a sentence :)

@savgoulis2826

8 жыл бұрын

Hens teeth too!

@andiwishthat1103

7 жыл бұрын

Such a great saying, very popular in the North West of England.

9:04 Spoiled brats in adult bodies (hyper-entitled) - well put; this resonates.....

@hejira4153

3 жыл бұрын

That' putting it politely...I have another phrase for my narc and bpd brother.

Hey Richard... I have ben listen to you several times... from have been in a narcissistic relation with a Japanese woman for 5 years! I have a lot off loss in my life... money, self-esteem, my own life... but what you told me helped me to find a new way! For one years now... since I left her ... I am living again! Not quite yet... but i think you gave me some tools to be a surviver, a man who have a choice, borders and my own goals! I will still follow you and ... you are great!

@brahimlh2909

3 жыл бұрын

Bro i thought they would be kawai

My mother beat me up so bad once, that she left marks all over my body. When the teacher asked me what happened, I said a dog did it. She literally had to put a remedy on me everyday for a long time until the bruises went away. My father could be verbally abusive a lot of times. To top it all, when a neighbor touched inappropriately when i was a kid she said it was my fault for being at my aunt's house when he was there. As i look back and I analyze their motivations, I realize that while they have deep issues, they are not narcissists. Both of them are capable of love and remorse. I realize their coddling of me later in life is an attempt to ease their guilt over what they did in the past. Since narcissists don't show regret I do not think they fall into that category. People do evil things, period. My parents are just people who should never have had children to begin with; I think as a child i realized I must have been an inconvenient obligation to them, hence my self-hatred. All i can do now is try my best to heal myself from what happened. I read the book CPTSD from surviving to thriving, and it was like reading a psychological analysis of myself. People with CPTSD should focus on themselves much more than on trying to figure out their abusers. PS: I'm not trying to minimize anyone's experience with a person they believe to be narcissistic. I suggest the book Character Disturbance in order to understand those who fall in a complex spectrum of predatory character traits, but are not necessarily full-blown psychopaths or narcissists.

@infowolf1

8 жыл бұрын

+ladynottingham89 I think all this "personality disorder" stuff is being too professional and polite to just say "asshole category one, assho9le category two, asshole category three, asshole category four."

@ladynottingham89

8 жыл бұрын

infowolf1 LOL You're funny, sounds like hurricane categories.

@YodanboogerLives

8 жыл бұрын

+ladynottingham89 First, I'm so sorry your parents treated you that way. You deserved so much better than that. I'm still puzzling over my parents. My abuse was almost entirely neglect. My mother put on an ostentatious public show of being the perfect mother which is a big red flag for a covert narcissist. There are other clues but it's so hard to piece it together. When it's all you know of what a parent is and you're in denial because the idea that your mother didn't love you is unbearable, figuring out exactly what made your parents do what they did usually feels quite futile. So I definitely think that, if it's your parents and your upbringing, your advice is orders of magnitude more important to hear. For us, trying to diagnose our parents is like dying of a gunshot wound to the chest and trying to calculate the initial trajectory of the bullet. Stop doing that. Go to the hospital. Get some stitches. Start taking antibiotics. Priorities, people!

@infowolf1

8 жыл бұрын

YodanboogerLives I know the feeling, in my case I couldn't face that she was as evil as she was which was a mistake also my suppressing the sorrowful memories where her real nature showed.

@Shasha8674

8 жыл бұрын

+ladynottingham89 Thanks for the book titles. To me Celiac is affecting brain/body/personality...may make people moody and cause addictions/abuse and brain/body are not working right. I don't like it when people think they are victims in dating situations...not talking about kids who have no choice and they chose the N. due to their passive behavior. If they are still acting like a victim another N. may abuse them. They need to learn to be mentally/emotionally healthy and not only blame the N. Both N and C can both be Celiac which I blame, but each learned to cope in different ways. PSTD can be due to burned out adrenals due to Celiac which can affect every gland/cell of the brain/body. Best wishes.

If you always feel tense around them and anxious...RED FLAG. If you feel DRAINED after being around them...RED FLAG. People who truly love and care about you make you feel GOOD, NOT BAD. Love yourself and walk away...NO CONTACT.

@maplenook

4 жыл бұрын

mjblue84 if they consume all the oxygen in the room...red flag!

as rare as rocking horse s**t LOL

Needed this right now. Been a victim of this kind of abuse all my life, and I thought I could spot the warning signs from a mile away. Surely enough, right as I was recovering and finally starting to come out of my shell, I met someone who's undone everything I worked on. Over the past couple of weeks I've been back and forth over it, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. This video's helped to stabilise my thought processes.

@Shasha8674

8 жыл бұрын

+Levi Skardsen I thought I had gotten the codependency out of me, but a strong N may trigger me to not even talk so not to bother them. People may not be totally healed ever maybe. Just find people you can be ok with. Some people may date a N and then a C and then a N etc. They get bored with the C.. and excited with the N. Best wishes.

@lollic307

4 жыл бұрын

This is the cycle . I'm done.

I left home as soon as a I could 40 years ago because I knew there was something not right with my family. As a teenager I had never heard of narcissism, but my family sure do fit the criteria, with a narcissist mother, a narc daughter and three more flying monkeys. Whenever I visited, the little digs would start about my weight and I would feel extremely uncomfortable and upset within the hour. It might sound comical, but the digs never stopped. Sometimes when I turned round all four of them would be standing there with their shoulders up, making it look like they had no neck. I don't mind if you laugh at that, but their intention was to hurt me, and it did. Over the years things got much, much worse and as a result they're out of my life now and I'm so much happier for it. I would forgive them in a heartbeat, but I'd be wasting my breath, as anything I say would be twisted and thrown back in my face. I feel sorry for them. Their lives are empty, and now our mother has died, even more so.

The last tip and "I care how I feel" is the most significant part I think. As long as I care about how I feel, I can stop relationships with people that make me feel bad, which stops the abuse.

My grown daughter is a narcissist. I’m very relieved to learn that she really doesn’t love me. I’ve been thinking all along that I was doing something wrong to her, when NOTHING I could do would be right. I’m heartbroken but relieved. I’m 72 years old. My “old age” takes on a hole new direction. Yeah!!

ok ? is my x a narcissist? He constantly changed from nice to frightening. He threw a fit once as there was no butter in fridge only spread. He threw a brandy bottle in temper, at me, amazingly it lodged in wall, bottom face down and left a clean circle. He had numerous affairs which I found out about. He broke, almost every inanimate object in house. Always sorry next day, even after attacking me, I tried to understand and help him. He had a power, high paid job, he referred to me always as his, he set rules in the house for myself and my children from a former relationship, only never abided by them himself. I was with him for 6yrs, learnt he had a physically and mentally abusive father and had no contact with his father from the age of 21. We were in our mid 30's. When I heard his father had cancer, I tried to hell him reconcile this, as I hoped it would help our relationship. He wrote a very bitter, hostile,sad letter to his father, after all my attempts. I believe, after listening to you, I was with a true narrcocist. When violence started to creep into our life, I fled. He said, " How you dare leave me, after all I've done, and not even ask to come back". Fortunately, my elderly Mum took me and my kids in. When you're in a manipulative relationship, it's hard to see the woods from the trees and sometimes very hard to escape. I never told anyone, they would never believe this charming, successful man could behave like this. It's not easy to escape an abusive relationship, only if I hadn't, I would be dead. One more thing, when you're in one, you feel blame, you feel you've contributed as you're berated daily, so you loose sense of your self and what is true. It takes also, after you've left, a long time to heal and to start believing in yourself again, sometimes years x

@mgtowbooboo8530

6 жыл бұрын

I am glad you got out of it.

@erintasker4705

4 жыл бұрын

It’s the hardest thing to get out of, but you feel so much better when you do! Stay strong, sister. You’re on the right track. I myself have been free for 18 months from a 12 year abusive relationship. You move from surviving to thriving, and eventually you look back and see how far you’ve come. Go well. 💜

@namehere8099

4 жыл бұрын

🤗🧡 xoxo

I knew ,from birth , my family had been abusing me . I had left myself wide open to other being an empath . The last straw was a friend who went for me full tilt . I ended up going for CBT , which helped no end . The therapist said to me after 23 weeks that I had taught her more about NPD ,through ny own research, than she had ever known before . I would recommend CBT for people like myself , an empath .

@lollic307

4 жыл бұрын

What does it help with

Third Person-ing (described at 1:57) just helped me enormously with regard to a relationship I had been in for three months. Reading the history of the relationship with new names inserted was like pulling back a curtain. I recognized the narcissist for what he was and dropped the lies and deals and excuses I was making for him. Many thanks Mr. Gannon for this great approach. Now to begin my escape...

I have been told I am sensitive. However being called the c word and told I was probably responsible for late spouse drinking was where clarity was given to me. It is not normal for someone to get angry over nothing and say such a cruel remark.

You are fantastic! Always good to see you, been a while. Thanks LOADS for all youve done for me!

Thank you. Wise words, as usual :) It's becoming exciting putting these words into practice, and watching the world change around me, for the better! Sincerely appreciate it.

Richard you have helped me BEYOND!!! It has been an enormously difficult life being the target. I had something happen last week that was insane, crazy making mobbing by my family. I am no longer allowing myself to be subject to this hideous behavior. It has is a struggle to think that my family NEEDS to hate me, so that can use me as nothing more than a trash receptacle. They are the only people that receive me in this way. I watch and listen to your videos on a loop. Thank you. Andy

I have spent the entire day watching your videos. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this information so available - years of counseling to find out what is wrong with me has not helped me to clearly see the situations i repeatedly put myself into - one day of videos and I suddenly see my 71 years of life entirely differently. Now to move on to healing. 💕

Thanks for the video Richard, you're a friggin' hero.

I really like the cluster B Totem Pole analogy. Sometimes it helps to clarify something that is otherwise hard to put your finger on that is abusive by nature. It's "a priori" abuse. It is a way of saying the same thing different about this type of abuse. I have come across many "smoking guns" or "nails" that nail it down, and the Totem Pole is now one of them. I now know that, yes, the person I was involved with four months ago was very abusive, and cluster B disordered. I already knew it, but that was very helpful. Without the Totem pole it can seem almost "normal" or like your being hypertensive, but with that perspective it is really simple to illustrate what only your gut feeling knew was true.

OMG! I can't believe I just stumbled across this. I have been doing research on Narc abuse for months, and just found you this minute. I immediately subscribed. Thank you.

My biggest problem coming out of a relationship like this was recognising it for what it was - even years after without the availability of this kind of channel, I struggled to "label" - what if I am wrong? That was my overriding concern. Who am I to label someone else with something this disturbing?Yet I was very aware that I had been damaged and was in a very bad way because of it. I now know I suffered with CPTSD and emotional flashbacks which I had not realized were a result of emotional abuse. I therefore tried to heal myself from guilt and shame - over time. A long time. A lot of self help stuff that started coming out did me more harm than good to be honest and I spent years believing I had brought this on myself, that I was a bad person in some way I didn't realise. So I have taken a long long time to heal at all and this channel is helping me to validate my experience. Thank you.

@Shasha8674

8 жыл бұрын

+LJ Morgan PSTD can be due to burned out adrenals. Stress uses up B vitamins and zinc, but gluten may lower these nutrients also as it hurts intestines so they don't absorb nutrients. Gluten may lower thyroid and hurt other glans and hurt the brain/body. See my comment to Michelle about Celiac. Best wishes.

@LJ-pd5ke

8 жыл бұрын

+Shasha8674 thanks for your considered reply. I am on Thyroid Meds now and recently found out about adrenals. I know - as many do I am sure - I lived in a constant state of "fight or flight" which really is not good for the body. I became riddled with anxiety, didn't eat or sleep well,and all these things contribute to your wellbeing when under stress. It was a good 9 or 10 years ago that I left and am still finding out about all this even though I started googling pathological liar immediately. I just didn't realize you are scarred mentally I ways that stay with you for such a long time and make it harder to recover. Love these videos of spartanLC they really help to validate and clarify.

@Shasha8674

8 жыл бұрын

+LJ Morgan I am glad you are getting help. Thyroid/adrenals and all glands maybe affected by gluten and may not heal until a person is 100% gluten free and no hidden gluten which helps the intestines absorb more nutrients. People can heal, but yes it is a slow process of learning. Focus on the good. Celiac help rebuilds cells to burn oxygen which may help with anxiety. B vitamins and zinc may help with stress. Vit C may help adrenals heal and fomulas on Amazon for adrenals. Amour thyroid ...Zinc/Se/enough iron/probiotic may help convert T4 to T3 for thyroid hormone to be used. I love these videos. They are great help. Best wishes.

@DarlaW

8 жыл бұрын

+LJ Morgan I know exactly what you mean when you say that you struggled with labelling. It's difficult to assess a situation when you've been taught to ignore what you see and how you feel. What I've discovered is that I don't want to label but I will acknowledge how someone's behaviour affects me. I will acknowledge how I feel. I think I understand what you are saying about some of the seIf-help doing more harm than good. Some of it is just not at all realistic and it does not get to the truth and heart of the matter. So much of it seems to concentrate on either perpetuating a victim mentality or conversely, blaming the victim. We are not to blame for the abuse that we endured nor are we to blame for our subsequent learned behaviours. We are also not to blame for not realising that our behaviours and thought patterns were unhealthy. If we did not even realise that we had a choice and that our reality was an illusion, how can we be blamed for something we did not know? And once we do realise it, how can we be blamed or blame ourselves when we do not yet have the skills or ability to execute? It is not our fault but now that we realise that what we believed was not real, it is our responsibility to now learn, grow, and heal. This is a very tough situation to be in. For me, I often struggle to hold onto a firm sense of self-worth. It doesn't feel natural to love and respect myself first and foremost nor do I have the instinct to automatically know the healthiest way to think. I am not to blame for this yet it is still my responsibility. I am taking on that responsibility by learning all I can, watching this channel, taking the courses, doing the work and going through the pain of understanding how I got here and how to be a healthy independent individual. I am slowly but surely becoming healthier but it does take a lot of learning, a lot of practice, and a lot of self-compassion. Self-compassion through this process of learning, growing and healing is key and I have to remind myself to be gentle with myself. I often have to try to imagine what I would say and what I would think about someone else going through my situation. My goodness, I wouldn't be as mean to a snake as I am to myself sometimes and I really hate snakes! Stepping back as an observer is tremendously beneficial. Richie does do an excellent job of validating our experiences and teaching us new skills. He has an amazing ability to convey information in a way that is entertaining, compassionate, and challenging. Thank you for sharing your experience. I often find that the comments and sharing of other people also helps to validate my own experience.

@LJ-pd5ke

8 жыл бұрын

+D Walker Thanks - sorry for the delay - I don't always see replies for some reason. What you say resonates and knowing others have been there always helps. I know what you mean about self compassion, I too have a tendency to be very mean to me. Thank you for your considerate response.

Dude thank you soo much! Every tip confirmed what I already know.. Good straight forward insightful advice.. Its such a shame we only find out these things after so much suffering at their hands..Good work buddy!

That's exactly what I did with my ex covert narcissist and it worked. Got to the point where crazy fits wouldn't hurt I would just feel bad that he's a terrible person and may never truly get it. I think he has full blown npd. I knew something was wrong with the way he was thinking I didn't know he was a narcissist until I watched your video I originally thought he was bi polar or just affected by his weed addiction. I've dealt with two narcissist in my life my ex and an ex friend I had for years and they happened to both be Sagittarius. I truly stay away from Sagi's most of them are full in bologna not all of them. I wish I seen your videos earlier. The guy I'm with now is super respectful and sooo mature never experienced what a did with my ex. I believe he came in my life so that I could be more aware of the red flags from now on and never ignore them again.

@flamingsword777

4 жыл бұрын

I am SO sorry you went through all of this, amd especially that Sags did this. I am a double Sag and i am NOT that way. They work the negative polarity of Sag. It doesn't shock me though. Again love, i am really sorry you went through all of this. Please know we are not all like them..... God bless you and i hope you are recovering beautifully!

Thank you so much for existing! I have learned that I have been used by narcissits my whole life! My good friend it's been mentally and emotionally abused by one now and you are helping her too! you truly make a difference in people's lives I feel like studying psychology now :)

It's funny, I've been transforming my life experiences into stories for years. One thing that has really helped me in the last year in particular is writing out 'letters' to everyone in my past. This helps me sort out my emotions and the events that have happened in my life and often as I write new memories and realizations come pouring out and by the time I'm done I've managed to purge a shit load of crap out of my system.

Thanks Richard; your guidance and experience helps! I had an "energy" therapist (AIT, brain spotting and EMDR) at the end of my interaction with what I understand now was covert abuser. To be clear, my therapist was not the abuser. I'm an ex-engineer and instinctively I wrote in the 3rd person at the time. My therapist looked at my journal and commented that she was suspicious that I wrote in 3rd person - I responded that I was trying to stay objective. *Thanks* *for* *your* *confirmation* *of* *my* *3rd* *person* *instinct.* My AIT/brain-spotting/EMDR therapist lasted 1 year and ended with her apologizing that, not only did she not help me, but she said she harmed me. To me, her abuse was making fraudulent claims that she could help my "energy" issues and "integrate" my issues. Although I admit that I was in a vigilant mode with my therapist, people need to know that *AIT/brain-spotting/EMDR* *therapists* *are* *not,* in general, trained to understand cluster B issues and that they are most likely not able to recognize and deal with the effects of victims of cluster B.

This is so helpful especially the final point. Thank you.

This is really tricky in the narcissistic work environment. Everything is so slight of hand. Another great post. Thanks.

I was diagnosed with BPD a year ago. I am going through therapy to improve myself and my interactions with others. I can say confidently now that I was never and never will be a spoiled brat. I became the way I am through none other than the same narcissist that I am lumped together with for some reason. I did not choose my illness, nor did the narcissist. I did not choose any of my symptoms, nor did the narcissist. My symptoms do not promise abuse, they never have and never will. In fact, none of the Cluster B's do. We tend to be more abusive probably because the symptoms are on the dramatic side of things, as we are LABELLED, but an illness cannot promise abuse ever. Only a person can. And I'll admit, I have abused. I have not done it enough for it to be a habit and I am not justifying what I did in saying that. There is a difference between abusing a few times and making a habit out of it. Not all narcissists, even, have a habit out of it. Some of them isolate and choose to cut off the world due to intense insecurities if insight hits them as it did me. When I became aware that my actions were wrong and hurt others, I stopped full circle. Instead of isolating, I would injure myself when the impulse would strike me so as to not hurt others. My counselor also diagnosed me with codependency, which may change the narrative a bit in my instance, but it doesn't change an illness. Once more, an illness does not promise abuse, and thus no illness does not promise safety. The world has nuance and let's be real, people, "normal" people can abuse too and "normal" people have the same thoughts as Cluster B's, I promise, it's just that we have different coping strategies that are labeled abnormal due to INSTENSE childhood abuse. If we are going to play the victim of narcissists our whole lives, how the hell do we expect to ever get better? Is it because it's easier to just blame your abuser for your own feelings and thoughts, or is it because it's easier to blame a diagnosis you armchair labeled said abuser when in reality, we all have cognitive biases that are so difficult to account for! How are we to know that we are not at fault at all, when the world just isn't that black and white. I really think the internet has turned abuse into something even worse than it: VICTIMHOOD. I'll admit, I joined the bandwagon a few years ago and it led me down an even darker path than denial ever did. That's when the suicides started. They ended when I adopted a survivor mindset and quit blaming my parents for my own emotions and thoughts. They are my responsibility now and mine to fix if I so choose (which I did a while after f*cking around for a bit). TL;DR: A diagnosis does not make a person an abuser, no diagnosis does not make a person non-abusive. These labels are dangerous and hold people back. They label people who could one day wish to change and are completely robbed of that which is one of the greatest tragedies of this toxic culture surrounding victimhood.

This is helpful and your right I'm listening to this because there's alarming wrong doing towards me 3 years of "Things are great " "Things are Gross" Constantly It's something I've decided to leave in my path I can't communicate I can't have any contact And I need to stay away from the confusing delusional grasp this evil man has on me Because I can't cry every night I can't And I won't and I keep saying that and Iam dying in this situation 💔⚰️

I do this with journaling a lot to find out solutions for problems.

Sir, you have helped me so much in my journey breaking away from narcissism abuse. For the longest I really thought I was the cursed child causing all kind of misfortune in the family until I came across your videos and became aware of the behaviors. In the beginning of 2015 I made a wish asking the universe to get rid of all hypocrite family and friends around me...to have 3 so-called friends starting to curse me out of nowhere, I went no contact with certain member of my family to become migraine free, losing weight, doing better in school, and now working on sleeping better...all that without spending a dime of therapy. Sir, if you are posting these videos sincerely to help others to get out of those toxic relationship either they are from family, friends, spouse, child.....THANK YOU!

So appreciate your genuine concern, intellect, wisdom on subjects, and wanting us to stop watching natch videos. Thank you, sincerely.

You are so gorgeous ! Inside and out. Just a big thank you for opening my eyes and mind x

Thank you very much. This was extremely helpful.

Richard, THANK YOU, this is helping me immensely. The covert narc is my father (now 89...I am 53). Years and years of trying to deal with it and going through breakdowns. I ended up alcohol dependent (as did my mother who died at 58) and have been heavily gaslighted about that, an excellent projection for him. In long-term recovery after much therapy. Have had long periods of no contact but it's unbelievably hard to maintain. Thank you so, so much.

Learning the vocabulary that matches my chaotic situation is exactly what I need to listen to for years and years - I am sort of dyslexic and migraines and this is a huge barrier - Thank you and much respect

Good video Richard, if a little upsetting because emphatically it is a yes- I am a lifelong victim of narcissistic forms of abuse, and in some cases psychopathic abuse even. Exponentially. And not just within my family dynamic as I attracted similar relationships, but very much predominately so. I'm also the last person to know it, as people were dropping me hints which I was unable to pick up on at times when I was literally in shock or most often inebriation. Such as "You've been brainwashed for a very long time mate", "have you heard of emotional vampires you should look it up" and "it's to do with families man". It wasn't until I got some sober time and was told to specifically read about 'Narcisstic Abuse' that what was happening made any sense. It's the only framework in which my life made any sense, a fucking mind-prison build and maintained by the very person/s who are supposed to or at least claim they care for us. It's unbelievable, almost. I must have chosen not to believe it in order to partially function for many years because I always knew that nothing was right within my family, I could no longer deny it but was still desperately trying. I landed on 'Narcissism Survivor's channel after doing some reading and was literally (again) shocked that the man was describing my own life too more often than not and word for word in some instances. I came to dread clicking on his uploads because it was so desperately painful and yet forced myself because I knew this was the thing I was shielding myself from. Fell into a period of pretty intense grief then and also realised I had been through that too several times over. That channel is amazing, the guy leaves no doubt whatsoever that he knows what we have been through - I haven't encountered anyone before or since that I'm aware of, I didn't think it was possible. This channel is great too, I plan to spend more time here this year. 'Understanding Narcissists' is good too though it pisses me off as it casually points out their behavior and motives mainly and I am so familiar now after 30 odd years of it. Anyway, hello!

@andreagordon7129

8 жыл бұрын

I love Richard! Very helpful & encouraging in recovering and motivation. Sam Vaknin helped me understand the mind of a narcissist. Ollie Mathews is spot on with all the crazy behavior. And Sadhguru helps me with yoga, meditation, and relaxation. I hope you find Peace!

@andreagordon7129

8 жыл бұрын

I love Richard! Very helpful & encouraging in recovering and motivation. Sam Vaknin helped me understand the mind of a narcissist. Ollie Mathews is spot on with all the crazy behavior. And Sadhguru helps me with yoga, meditation, and relaxation. I hope you find Peace!

@andreagordon7129

8 жыл бұрын

I love Richard! Very helpful & encouraging in recovering and motivation. Sam Vaknin helped me understand the mind of a narcissist. Ollie Mathews is spot on with all the crazy behavior. And Sadhguru helps me with yoga, meditation, and relaxation. I hope you find Peace!

@spacegoat435

8 жыл бұрын

Andrea Gordon Richard is a funny guy, clearly very enlightened and knowledgeable. His way is the way I've always envisioned unravelling this stuff, from a place of personal autonomy with a focus on the self. I've been no-where near that in the past decade in much the same way I wasn't as a child or adolescent. Which is brutal. I was 'no contact' for a couple of short years in between and that is the only time I came close to having control of my own soul, I have been completely compromised at all times before and since. I'm not so keen on Vaknin tbh, he's a bit too clinical for me although I did watch his film thing. I've had Ollie Matthews on in the background while falling asleep, it's ok for that. I will bookmark Sadhguru. I can't even find the peace to do yoga or meditate currently and lord knows I have tried. All of my zen skills are reserved for managing horrible panic sessions which is seriously wearing on me. Actually there is another channel I forgot to mention which I happened upon more recently, "Assc Direct". I'm not entirely in agreement with his latest upload but he does have some very good ones about how their energy effects ours and everything around them, and to the why and stuff. A nd that's pretty much where I am at right now. Thanks Andrea.

@andreagordon7129

8 жыл бұрын

HI, Assc Direct and UN Understanding Narcissists are good! I expect Sam to talk his way since he is a Narc, but I completely understand the mind of my evil exhusband, his entire narc family cult and my beautiful step-daughter who was abandoned by mother at age 5. I am grateful I have a good therapist now that understands this abuse and I feel I'm moving in the right direction finally. I understand the time, energy, and panic attacks are draining on you...up and down days, tired of feeling beaten up, and always on guard.....it's exhausting to say the least! Richard is fantastic, his martial arts approach is promising as it builds confidence and boundaries within. I've been making me a bucket list and happy first, as no one steals my soul. Keep moving forward, Steve, wishing you peace in the near future. I love Comedy, it's in my medicine cabinet!

Thank you. This is helpful even when you really do know your with a narcissist but haven't been able to leave yet. I often start doubting myself. I have a 2nd job interview Wednesday. Wish me luck.

Fantastic , your videos are saving me from going down a very deep dark drain. Thankyou.

As usual, clear, compassionate, and complete Thank you so much for all your hard work and effort Richard 👍

You need to look at the whole picture. Is the manipulation happen in a cycle? Does he go back and forth one moment treat you very good another moment bad and give excuses for his behaviour like you made me angry, it’s because of you etc? Does he treat you differently when you’re both alone? Is he belittling you infront of others or embarrassing you no matter how many times you told him not to? Does he always promises you and never follow thro? Does he consistently lie to you?. If all of this is happening to you then you’re in narcissistic abusive relationship! Get Out Now!!!

I've had my eyes open about my relationship. OMG

One of the wisest videos on narc abuse you’ve ever done imho. So easy to get carried away. This made me ask and question myself. Very much needed in this field. I’ve recently ‘no-contacted’ a suspected covert narc in my life. This vid was the angel and devil on my shoulders. Really made me think. I’ve had many dreams about you - offering me help and advice. Now is the time to write it out. Buying your emotional literacy course on Friday. It’s time to commit to me healing from parental narcissistic abuse for real. Thanks for doing what you do. It has and is really helping me.

Dear Richard, You are helping me learn to love myself. Your humanity and authenticity has given me a model that I can emulate in my own life. I am for the first time recognizing these qualities and the lack in others and which gives me pause.I take steps to protect myself now. Before I was just a cell with permeable walls. Ty

Now that made me laugh.... " rocking horse shit"!😁🤣

Your a funny guy. Thank you for the great videos.

From Jean Claude van Damme to D'Artagnon in two years. Thankyou Spartan life coach for getting me up and about for the 6th day running. Great balance.

A virtual appreciative hug for this 😌 Instant validation right there... Thank you.

Thanks for your help.

i beleive i just narrowly escaped a job with a team leader like that .during interview hr was raving about her and how att tree attractive she was although and has risen ranks quckly with 6 months she isnt qualified but just has toughness and the z factor. i thought red flag instantly and wondered iam i overreacting? but it was good to be aware

@RICHARDGRANNON

8 жыл бұрын

+Aatikah Carmen Rowe Sounds like a right one. I see you went to Massey. I used to work security at Fergusons.

@gundagarvoll4052

8 жыл бұрын

+Aatikah Carmen Rowe You are right listening to your "gut feeling" . Sometimes in a job interview, you are quite "open", because you applied for a job. What your future boss is saying about themselves, and the other emplyees, if it gives you a bad feeling, than listen to it. All the best.

Absolutely best help for narcissist abuse Thank you Richard You’ve no idea how much life you save people wasting 😊

Thank you for helping people find objectivity and clarity, not to label the other but to make sure we get in touch with and maintain our own sanity. You are such a godsend to this lady who needs to rediscover her autonomy and handle herself in a 33 year marriage.

5:38 is hysterical :)

What about a direct approach : if someone use passive aggressive tactics on you ( like insults) , can you just headbutt them in the face if you find no other way to fight with their behavior and keep your sanity ?

@regulusmine2336

7 жыл бұрын

Castana Acuric , yes.

@mmanda515

7 жыл бұрын

I have an address for ya! =p Live long(ER) & vape on! #ABILLIONLIVESFILM

@TheLoveweaver

7 жыл бұрын

Castana Acuric lol

@sueb3289

7 жыл бұрын

Castana Acuric 😂😂😂😂

@Andypandieful

5 жыл бұрын

Tell them “ now that’s NPD!”

This video in particular has been hugely helpful for me, and exactly what I needed at this time, so thank you for taking the time to make it, as well as all your other videos. My situation feels pretty sad right now, but everything you said in this video and more importantly, HOW you said it, has made me feel so much better. It actually made me tear up.

Love your no frills attitude & "speak" and sense of humour. I have watched a large number of your KZread clips and feel your later ones particularly "nail it" imho. I really enjoy your intelligence, the hard work & fearless brutal honesty you've obviously employed on yourself and these topics, sense of humour, no nonsense approach, all with compassion and without being condescending, that's some juggling act but you do that consistently. And most importantly, you know your shit lol. I say this because having all of these combined traits are rare (again, imho) and credit where it's due. Want to express my deep gratitude for the help you're providing myself and others.

at this point i am so confused so as to know if i was involved with a covert narcissist or am one myself....its a very scary feeling

@rapunzelmane9592

6 жыл бұрын

Richa Chadha + If you are doubting yourself and feeling scared, you can't be a narcissist. Narcissists do not question themselves or feel confused. They have no introspection and believe themselves to always be right and perfect. You have been made to feel guilty and responsible by a narcissist. Don't believe what they have told you.

@lornaelizabeth6290

4 жыл бұрын

I have been feeling the same! 😔 I have turned myself inside out and seen so many therapists ❤️

@lollic307

4 жыл бұрын

I know

What about cluster B personality types that use the silent treatment rather than mor overt communication in their abuse? They don't have to react with open aggression to abuse just as damagingly.

@sisteranonymous3585

5 жыл бұрын

bridget spruill very true

@G2thesecondpower

4 жыл бұрын

Covert narcissists use these tactics and are very much still narcissistic. In fact when I first started Googling behavior 9 years ago (Googling behavior--red flag!) I googled, silent treatments, sarcasm, passive-aggressive insults, not following through on promises, sulking, etc. What I first came up with was passive aggressive personality disorder, which I at first thought fit him to a t. However several years later they took it out of the DSM--apparently because passive aggressive describes a core feature of the cluster b's--most heavily in narcissists. It took me a long time to see it because this guy is not an over rager or an attention seeker. In fact he looks down on those things--he's above social media, etc. But narcissist coming many flavors--someone who has a more covert style is merely a more introverted personality. A more overt narcissist is an extrovert. In my opinion it's just as simple as that.

This is soooo helpful! Thank you sooo much. Having lots of emotional flashbacks when I think about my mother. Anxiety ridden! I hate that I have to go no contact, but I'm really not myself after ive been around her, even when i just think about her. Thank you for your work. This vid especially has been really helpful in allowing me to acknowledge and validate my own feelings that come up when I even think of being around this person. My husband doesn't really understand, although he really tries, that she is extremely toxic for me and in turn my life with my husband and children. When he asks if I want to invite her to our children's birthday parties I act nonchalant and say no, but two weeks later and the thought still strikes anxiety in my gut. Thank you thank you thank you for stating repeatedly in your videos that if we feel this way there is a problem. Because all my life her goal was to make my doubt myself. Super super covert. But maybe if I hadnt' been so passive and "empathetic" she would have been more overt. My 8 year old daughter is soooo empathic that she doesn't' ask to see her grandmother because she knows what an asshole I am after being around that monster. Sigh.

I love how you include humor in your videos. Entertaining and informative. You have a gift 🤣🤣