4:11 Gaslighting 7:28 Becoming a Rage Machine 9:55 Hijacking the Issue 12:59 Ultimatums 14:03 Narrowing Your Options 16:57 Enforce Non-Existing Contracts 22:15 Using Identities Against You

@connortowning2084

5 жыл бұрын

Wendy Pippin-Yarberry cheers

@trinamezera9800

5 жыл бұрын

Wendy Pippin-Yarberry yes

@sarahbeara1018

5 жыл бұрын

Thank u. This takes forever to get through.

@deborahtruthseeker112

5 жыл бұрын

Exactly!!! These maniacs are extremely DANGEROUS, and homicidal. They are also very well protected . They never pay for any of their crimes. However, one of these days, the PERP may MESS with the WRONG VICTIM, and end up DEAD BECAUSE of that.

@stfupendeja_

5 жыл бұрын

Ur a god 🤘🏽

Imagine if we taught this sort of stuff in schools. The world might be a much better place

@anitaares8271

4 жыл бұрын

@Heywood Juhblowme She gave away your game plan did she? Feeling a little threatened? So you insult her and throw tantrums? LOL You need a new plan, Like being honest and respectful. You would get a lot farther if you come correct.

@essentialoilsme

4 жыл бұрын

Anita Ares they deleted their comment, lol

@MissUnderstoodasAlways

4 жыл бұрын

ade spade agreed

@stardustastrology6618

4 жыл бұрын

I totally thought that, too.

@peaceofmindofpeace1650

4 жыл бұрын

Yes.. Because when your parents didn't teach you how to stand strong against manipulation weren't armed. And when parents are manipulators as well, there you go.

Everything started to shift for me when I realized I was manipulative. I stopped being manipulative and started being more straight forward. Really being honest with yourself gives you so much inner power.

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Awesome insight Ms. Cayenne! It's so much easier to just ASK for what you want, and be clear and direct. Easier for you and everyone around you... Thanks for sharing!

@Shortana

6 жыл бұрын

Melody Fletcher Deliberate Receiving it also makes it a lot easier to deal with manipulative people. If they are not straight forward I don't respond. It's really about staying on your sacred ground. Most people forget that when they are searching for ways to deal with toxic people they themselves are toxic. Likes attracts like. Could you do a video on that? I would love to hear your thoughts about this. Keep up the good work!

@corsicanlulu

6 жыл бұрын

no ms. cayenne stop blaming the victim. yes victims are also toxic but they are not the abuser, its not the same thing. many times there are just evil narcissistic people and a victim who is being manipulated into being w/ them or the narc is the parent, and no thats not a situation of "it takes 2 to tango". some people just lack empathy full stop

@Shortana

6 жыл бұрын

corsican lulu I understand you because I used to believe what you believe now. I was raised by a narc and I experienced the soul crushing first hand. But a victim is always a match with a perpetrator. I was not responsible for what happened to me but I am responsible for my healing as an adult. Healing for me erased the victim mentality. Period.

@Medietos

6 жыл бұрын

Melody Fletcher: That is right, but not always easy for everyone to do, when vulnerable, thin-skinned, exhausted, weakened, traumatized over a long, long time, systematically broken down energetically and with the additional handicap of traumatized Aspergers etc. . I have felt their words like stabbings, but how walk away when depending on getting some state resources? How deal with when it is professional people, put to actually provide or refer one to assistence? 1. One is more exposed to them, with the power they have financially and in drawing their conclusions and making decisions of you and your life, what they write in the journal and claim/tell other important contacts.2. today there has come ways totally unlawfu, where they don't use and adhere to and correct themselves according the law, which along with all sorts of weakening gas-lighting, withholding of info, lying by ommission, and many many more things, gives long-term deep insecurity and fear, since I can't orientate and they don't reply my questions and statements. Is it possible for you to say sth about it when the court, police, doctors, authorities ppl manipulate and deceive and even mistreat and steal, please?, I also wonder how much aware they are of what they do, and how much is unconscious. A fine old priest once said: People wouldn't do evil if they were REALLY aware of what they were doing. That was comforting, but I think there can be more reasons: They can be hardened and shut conscience off for the sake of duty, like deceiving me to save money. The social control top said to me, they are not allowed to say "We have to save money". So they save money while pretending to intend to help clients? Serving 2 masters. I still don't get why the pretence of a functioning social security etc. Oh, it is of course in order to still get state money for services they do not provide.. Surely one can't use the same informal way as to friends etc? I want to show how dangerously they injure me, threatening my very existence, and call the right names, but think maybe they must be let to save face. Or will they only despise me and go ON if I am polite and let them save face? They acted unprofessionally/immorally, corrupt, and I don't know what to do. It has been going on with many ppl many years, and I am too broken over the years, not able to work all my chakras alone isolated without sleep. but really need someone to work with me. Is this too long for you, or why no reply yet, I wonder. If I write too briefly, there is risk of misconceptions, experience says.. Melody, How can one change/correct severe energetic/chakra imbalance on ones own? A TCM- Dr who examined me, said, there is no way you can recover on your own when every chakra is this out of balance. And that was in 1998...Still, I have come a bit further in insight since then, which should make up for physical worsening. I want a friend or supporter to work with, and also to help.others. It's hard to turn from ppl when you have very few and are very weak and vulnerable. Isolation is terrible, and one can accept someone bad not to be all all alone all the time. You know?. I'll try to get some more. listen again. Please answer if possible. Thank you.

My husband does every one of these things.. and I don't give a shit at this point if he's doing it on purpose or not... sensitive people need to just move on from manipulative people immediately.. not trying to make it work by being gentle and having the conversation over and over again.. it just makes them believe that they can treat you however they want. This video is so helpful - thank you!!

@Jay-hr3rh

5 жыл бұрын

If you can cook look me up when you divorce him.

@marissavaldez2520

5 жыл бұрын

that's so crazy my husband does every single eone of these tactics as well. for the last three years I have felt so crazy to the point where I don't even trust myself sometimes and it never occurred to me how bad it actually was until I reached out to people and started talking about it. I'm still trying to recover but it's so difficult I feel like my ways of thinking are completely altered now.... it almost destroyed me completely. :/ much love for this video and for sufferers and survivors altogether . knowledge is power man , it's always beneficial to educate yourself and reach out for help when you are finally able to! ❤️

@derekscarrsr2688

5 жыл бұрын

I couldn"t agree more it's the best way to deal with controlling people.😎

@clasijuls1

5 жыл бұрын

Strongs to you !!

@wedaad885

5 жыл бұрын

my husband also does alnost all of these tactics. esp when he gets caught out on a wrong he has done. he plays it the other way he even uses tears😣 so I get soft and give in and walk away robbed of resolving the issue or getting an answer and he gets away with his crap. amazing how many men are manipulative.

“It’s not that serious” is what they say sometimes as well.

I have never heard anyone describe gaslighting with such ease and grace in all my life. Even psychiatrists and psychologists struggle to describe it in a way that is simple to understand. Nice work! My ex used to gaslight me all the time. In the end, he even took it upon himself to secretly reach out to people I was closest with and tell them that I had a drinking problem (in fact he was the one with the drinking problem) so that if I ever went to them for help, they would be more likely to dismiss my claims of emotional abuse because in the back of their minds i was no longer credible. That’s exactly what happened. It was absolutely horrible. Thank goodness I loved myself enough to know I didn’t deserve to be treated like that and left him shortly after. I really find it strange that I went to a highly respected UC school and graduated with highest honors with a degree in Psychology and yet manipulation was never brought up a single time in any of my curriculum. It wasn’t until 10 years after that relationship ended that I discovered there was a word for all of the behaviors that come with gaslighting! Had I learned about it in school, I would have recognized immediately what was happening. That relationship messed with my head for a long time I knew how I felt he was making me question my sanity but it’s such a hard thing to describe and sounds so horrible that if I had come to someone saying that, they probably would have thought I was crazy too! That’s why it works so well. I just wish I had been more informed about the ways people try to take advantage of others because I was so trusting and naive, that it brought a lot of needless suffering and self doubt for several years after that relationship. I think these topics are so interesting (I’m still a social psych fanatic) and I took a lot away from this video because you are so articulate and fun to listen to. I foresee a night of binge watching your videos ahead 🤗

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Hey Marisa, Thanks so much for your in depth comment! And congratulations on stepping more into your power and getting out of that relationship. The good news is that there are psychologists who are now developing methods for teaching and dealing with this kind of thing, even though it's not yet taught in schools. This information is coming through many, many different avenues. :)

@c.s.higgins8410

6 жыл бұрын

OMG meeeeee toooooo! I knew he was a control freak, but our 'arguments' went from my feeling hurt & expressing that to absolute scorched earth warfare for him. SO not worth it.

@beamills9205

5 жыл бұрын

have you seen the 1940s movie " Gaslight" ? i think you should watch it....her explanation of gaslighting wasn't very accurate......in the movie, the husband of a newly wed heiress tries to make her and her doctor believe she is going insane by manipulating the flames of the gas lights that light the home......there is a main control for the house.....when she is in her room it darkens without her turning them down,then flare.....her husband says it's not happening elsewhere, she starts believing she's losing it....so, gaslighting= you walk in, put your car keys on the dresser where you always do....later , you are going to go shopping....no keys...you know where you left them .....you go nuts looking.....then, your husband strolls in with them......"they were in your car , Honey !".....you know they weren't...but, he tells you you forgot....it's an endless stream of things like this.....Friday night your husband showers, gets dressed up and tells you "we're going to be late !"......for what?.....he insists YOU wanted to go out....not !....you call the restaurant and yes, YOU made a reservation on wednesday.......not, but he insists you discussed it.....confused & doubting yourself, you get ready & go wondering IF you are nuts !......master liar, manipulator.......they diminish you, steal your confidence,esteem, self-worth, dignity.....see the movie.....it's on youtube.....

@monbebearmybird1239

5 жыл бұрын

brenda mills that’s a very extreme gaslighting

@jackiekarstein4356

5 жыл бұрын

Marisa Ericson @1

Stand your ground! Don’t let anyone sway you! Follow your intuition. Great advice. Thank you!!!!!

@iniubongnkanga9390

5 жыл бұрын

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

@sharif26H

4 жыл бұрын

👍

@konradsliwinski1460

3 жыл бұрын

Bruce Lee says "Be like water", you definitely have to give way when they come out swingin'. If you're like Bruce Lee, you'll tire them out, because of the physics of being like water.

@konradsliwinski1460

3 жыл бұрын

Again Bruce Lee said: The Strongest Trees are the trees that break. But the bamboo may sway, in that it may adjust to changing conditions without breaking. More Bruce Lee quotes at wisdomquotes.com. Bruce was not so much only a fighter, but a celebrity, so he dealt with many people trying to tarnish him somehow. That's why everyone needs defense mechanisms.

Thank you, this is so clearly explained and exposed. I will remember the "no" when I'm being pressured by my sister into doing what she wants. My sister masters all these techniques.... I would add these : - "so and so said that about you..." : invoking other people, even our deceased parents, to make a point against me. - "Oh my God, it's a disaster, you must absolutely do this or that..." playing the catastrophe to get me to do something in her interest. - Playing the eternal victim, or the eternal savior of all situations.... to oblige people towards herself. - Calomny of others and victimisation of herself, to hide her violence. - Re-writing facts, events, conversations in her favor. - Re-inventing her character according to the popular thinkings of the moment. - Adjusting her character according to the immediate environment, to be liked by the multitude. - Consolidating her perfect image by constantly reporting all the praises other people say about her. - Exagerrated smiles and compliments when meeting someone new (or distant relationships). It works. - Playing people against each other. - Lying, lying, lying.........

I needed to hear this especially #1. Everyone has the right to set boundaries

Here I am, listening to you again today-two days in a row! I like you. My husband is in background, giggling. I am seeing now how I manipulate. It is shocking. I want to be a better person, now I need to learn to change myself in a gentle, firm way without harshness.

@nickieglazer7065

5 жыл бұрын

Dave Spang. Me too! All the best to you Imelda x

@roseberliner5095

5 жыл бұрын

Imelda Pear y

Thank you! So helpful. I have found this with many "friends", who insist on treating me to a meal, drink, etc. They are acting so generous, etc. Then, they expect to be treated in return. And, it gets fuzzy, because, all of a sudden, they are ordering a more expensive meal. Or, suggesting we spilt the bill when their share is much higher, etc. That's why I always to prefer to get separate checks. Although, it's hard not to feel guilty or cheap about it. But, the other way makes me end up feeling used, or taken advantage of. I've found that those same "friends" are manipulative in other ways too. Watching videos like this, etc., has been very helpful to proactively weed them out.

@plbaker7344

5 жыл бұрын

DazedShow Show a

@plbaker7344

5 жыл бұрын

DazedShow Show your name

@bolove5184

5 жыл бұрын

You know what worst a manulative mom

@iniubongnkanga9390

5 жыл бұрын

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

@ServantStatusMinistries

4 жыл бұрын

This type of person invested in having someone to provide for them in the future. They used you as a bank for their emotional and material need. Like what you explained is the perfect definition of a “nice” guy and why we as women don’t like guys like this. They are only nice when it benefits them and eventually they assume they deserve to be your boyfriend or deserve to have sex with you since they did things for you. It’s so fake.

I've seen manipulative people who have experienced some trauma in their past, and now try to manipulate other people to avoid the possibility of more trauma from those other people. It is based on fear.

@amarbyrd2520

4 жыл бұрын

Doesn't mean they get to turn around and traumatize other people

@nandlabh6349

3 жыл бұрын

Hmm..sometimes it works

Good person is WISE & NOT RESPONSIBLE for anybody's feelings.

Yes, I heard one time that, 'people pleasers' are really very manipulative people...I had never seen that before....that they so try rescue you from being sad, or mad or upset, or stop the tears; so they are trying to 'make ' you feel the way they need you to feel, so they can feel ok about themselves in that situation.

A new friend, of just about two months, did this to me. I told this woman right away that I'm too old to manipulate. She denied being manipulative & told me to rethink our friendship & that she will continue to be a friend. Even up to the point when I told her to stop, she continued to manipulate! I dumped this woman as a friend immediately & blocked her in all social media. The end!

@marnelyportelo5289

5 жыл бұрын

On the brink of blocking someone

@brendanoneil3489

5 жыл бұрын

Do it, you know you want to. Do it now, you won't change them but they might just change you if you let them..

@blainefiasco8225

5 жыл бұрын

What do you mean too old? Is spotting these kinds of people something that comes with age? I feel like I have a friend that might be manipulating me but he’s 20 years older than me.

@dollcollector1882

5 жыл бұрын

I'm a retired professor at 60 years old. That's way too much living to not see that you are manipulated. He's possibly manipulating you as he has 20 years of living & experience. Study & be aware.

@mar-lisakemp6292

5 жыл бұрын

Good for you. I find myself stopping manipulators at the door and not letting them into my inner-circle!

I love where you say, "If it was actually good for you then no one would have to manipulate you into it." You're so right!

This is a great video. It's extremely clear and articulate and you move seamlessly into each tactic like you're telling a story. Fantastic job Melody.

@ehiskhaleradio

6 жыл бұрын

Nader Nadernejad true,she is intelligent.

@shannidru9302

5 жыл бұрын

Nader Nadernejad My thoughts exactly! I love this vid.

@sandrabennett4300

5 жыл бұрын

I thought this video was really helpful. My one complaint is that you seem to be shaming the person who gets extremely upset over the manipulative behavior. I agree that raging is not a healthy response, but once you’ve been gaslighted/ manipulated multiple times by someone you gave your heart to, some rage might kick in because, after all, we are human. Sadly, it is the person who is extremely upset because the other person will not deal in an open, honest way that ends up looking like the ‘bad guy.’ I think this is one clarification that you should have made. Other than that, really good information. And I also agree that if you point out gaslighting tactics to other person and they refuse to change, you should just end the relationship.

@ssharma1847

5 жыл бұрын

Nader Nadernejad in

@iniubongnkanga9390

5 жыл бұрын

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

Wow.... I can't wait to watch this again and again so that I can absorb all of it and be able to quickly know what is happening when I am being manipulated. The first five hit be like a rock, and four different people that I have already cut out of my life or limited their time in my life fit these descriptions like you were listening to what I said to them and what they said to me. Finding you today was heaven sent. Thank you, and I want your book!

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

That's awesome Melissa! Can't wait to hear what you think once you're read it. :)

Summary: 1- You don't need anybody but yourself 2- Walk away will be easy to apply if necessary Walk away is such a wonderful option for so many problems This is what I am applying for few years now 22:00

It's so rare and hard to find authentic friends that I think a lot of us know that we are being manipulated, but we allow it because we are lonely or insecure. Manipulators feed off people like us and know how to spot us.

This is terrific, Melody! You explain so well, with clear examples.

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Carol!

Melody, Nr 7 sounds like Karl Jung's Archetypes. "A hard worker"...."A good housewife"...a label we put on ourselves and others. Brilliant video. I totally enjoyed it.

Becoming self aware helps me to understand when I am at fault vs someone else telling me its my fault .

Just brilliant, do not be misled by her very joyful/playful beginning and ending. What she is saying is a great FREE and important lesson. Until now, I still was unclear how exactly I have been manipulated all my life, by some of my very own family members and the emotional scars it left (struggling with my confidence, feeling sometimes there is no ending of all my troubled patterns). We all experience to some degree these situations (family, work situations). In certain societies, it is a primitive believe, parents have to destroy the confidence and install fear in children, so they can become obedient. I used to stay away from my family members and even sometime from the opposite sex to protect myself, but it left me without an emotional support and feeling I do not belong or matter to anybody. So understanding and lovingly setting boundaries is a key to heal the self and relationships.

you make some good points; manipulation is a two-way street

@sanctusignis9746

5 жыл бұрын

It's a painful truth the manipulated often feel is victim blaming,it's not, it's learning from it so you can be immune to it. A manipulator can't manipulate you if you are not manipulatable.

I have made a playlist just for you with only your videos. You're just that freakin awesome

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks sunshinexoxo20!

The most manipulative response is always, "You're so selfish."

@nandlabh6349

3 жыл бұрын

The most selfish ppl say that to the caring ppl when they aren't able to get what they want

And this becomes a way of life, it begins at home it became a culture. You are right !

Thank you for this video! I finally walked away from a relationship in which I had allowed my boundaries to be crushed. This all makes so much sense. I am now going to follow your videos and read your book!

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Well done Janet!!! And can't wait to see what you get from the book. :) Hugs! Melody

I'm not even half through with your video, and think it's the first time I hear this in this context. Great! Greetings from Berlin/ Germany.

This has been AH-MA-ZING!!! Thank you so much!!! My husband has done every single one of these things and I have been unable to work towards clearly expressing myself to him in the moment. I've always just wanted to walk away from the situations to gather myself and my thoughts so that I could coherently communicate with him. It literally came to the point that I stopped trying to talk and discuss things with him and just broke down and started screaming at him with the explanation that in our 8 years together I learned that if nothing else he would only listen if I yelled because he never bothered to listen when I tried to talk to him. It even went to the point that I walked out on him and left, which he totally could not believe I'd done and when we were back together gave me an ultimatum. I gave one right back that he could literally not believe, but I stuck to my guns on it and followed through with it. He has yet to state an ultimatum to me again since. We have gotten better in communicating with one another but we're now dealing with the situation of specific courtesies he wants from me, i.e. the phone call scenario you gave, however he will not apply the use of those curtsies towards me either in return or to begin with. In other words, the rules apply to me but not to him. This is a total no go in my book. If you want those courtesies from me you better damn well give them in return or start off with them in the first place. But this, this presentation has given me a basis to keep myself coherent in a disagreement, to approach the situation calmly and to know that it IS ok for me to walk away to gather myself to see that there are other options and that while I can compromise, if I feel it's the right thing to do, but that if I feel that it's is not, then that is ok. Thank you again so very much!! P.S. Not to bash the guys on all of this, women are master manipulators themselves...only surpassed by small humanoid, demon-like creatures called children and small furry animals.... ;P

I’ve watched this video of yours multiple times. It has helped me when dealing with a few manipulative people I know & have passed it along to many other friends. It is so helpful and you explain it so clearly with good examples. Thank you.

I am getting so mad and pissed as I listen to this. I cannot believe how much I let people manipulate me. I think I just want to cry.

@jackkruese9929

4 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that. My father was so manipulative that he he ordered me to go 200 miles by train to help him move house 10 days before my pre Uni A levels started. So I can totally understand where you’re coming from,

@akankshasharma4049

3 жыл бұрын

i literally cried, pal ....haha

@dianecelento4974

3 жыл бұрын

You have a lot of time to grow. This video sure puts things in perspective

@lynette599

3 жыл бұрын

@@jackkruese9929 Oh NO!

I had a friend who was habitually late for work, even 2 hours late sometimes. When she arrived at work she would act completely stressed about the traffic or whatever else allegedly caused the delay. Basically, the message was, "Don't dare confront me about being late because I'm so overwhelmed already. If you confront me then you are just adding more stress to me." Essentially, the person makes you the bad guy. They flip it on you. It's a way of continuing the behavior without dealing with the consequences. That was like #3 Hijacking.

Thank you. I'm a victim and survivor of Narcissistic and Psychological abuse. The way you explained everything is very concise and helpful for me. Sometimes it's difficult to differentiate the words and actions of people in my life so this video is an amazing reference point. I shared it with the people dear to me.

I have subscribed because of this video It's so good. I've been working on boundaries in knowing when & how to apply them. I was a part of a church years ago where I friended somebody manipulative. This person seemed to have a hard time all the time & would use scriptures as a way to manipulate to get me (or anybody) to take the little I had & help her. After a year I guess my pastor heard about this somehow and took me aside and had a conversation about the situation so I distanced myself little by little. She was very upset and when I had moved to NY state with family because I had become homeless she (not the pastor) called me once to tell me I was out of order & not right with God for leaving the state where I had no where else to go. She didn't talk to me after that ☺. And I'm good. I realized that in NYC there are a lot of manipulative people here and go figure this is where she was born and raised.

Sounds like if you are self actualized, or know who and what you are, and/or have health self esteem, you are less likely to be manipulated beyond your boundaries.

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Right on the money Gary!

Videos like this is why I am so grateful for the internet. When I was younger I didn’t have someone to break this down to me. But If it wasn’t for great videos like this I would not be able to fully wrap my head around what has happened to me in the past and how to identify manipulation. Guys it’s all mind games with your psyche. If you have people in your life like this just cut em off. Thank you again for this easy to understand breakdown and helping me heal. ❤️

@calvinvinyoh9352

4 жыл бұрын

You are wonderful woman

@freethinker3083

4 жыл бұрын

Calvin vinyoh why Thank You! 😄

I never recognised manipulation until I watched this video! I knew there were some people who always left me feeling confused and bad about myself after every interaction, and I could never figure out why. This really has been illuminating. Thank you so much.

This is sooo on point!! I can remember being subjected to all of these tactics at one point or another. I couldn't articulate what was happening , I just used my instincts and stood my ground,. I initially had a hard time with the backlash but I'm glad I didn't cave in. Even though i was tempted to do so.

Love this Melody! Thank you for making these videos

@iniubongnkanga9390

5 жыл бұрын

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

Wow you are amazing! I love how your videos are so informative and detailed! 💓

"They can learn to use their words".....LOVE IT!!! I used to say this to my children, and have adults in my life who I remind from time to time also... Thanks for the video!

I have always been easily manipulated, my mum had a terrible childhood which reflected in her adult behaviour and was 'normal' to day to day life. I can't tell you what freedom this has given me. Thank you.

When you were talking about the force of reciprocity and manipulation I reflected on my time in Japan and the way my Japanese coworkers in my new job talk about how "if you don't help us, then we no longer help you. That's the Japanese way." I had a really bad time in Japan and observed a lot of people being unbelievably subservient to abusive bosses and working far too hard. "Karoshi" is the word for "death by overwork" over there... their social contract is not very healthy in my honest opinion.

Thank You! This was helpful, insightful, intelligent, valid, and so very interesting!

I love and appreciate every single word of this video! Every single person on the planet should watch this. This should be taught in schools, in critical thinking courses. Thank you, Melody Fletcher!

This has truly helped me understand some of the consistent patterns I find my self dealing with in my life. It especially empowers me to think of this situation between two parties, of one being manipulated and the other being manipulative, as two sides of the same coin. Thank you for making this video!

When a car salesman put pressure for me to choose,I put my foot down telling him “ I am the one paying and riding not you”, That tends to put them in their place, it

@DeliberateReceiving

5 жыл бұрын

LOL.

@jackkruese9929

4 жыл бұрын

Told a car salesman I wanted the car but i would spend 24 hrs thinking about it and he said it could go in the next 24 hrs and I replied then you won’t have a problem will you.

@purplehaze165

3 жыл бұрын

Lmao! Good job!

I like the win/win situation commentary. Everyone deserves to find a compromise that works for both parties, if it possible.

So accurate!! Subscribed!! I recognized many of your points in the people I need to deal with so I’ll be tuning in to learn how to get my voice heard.

Melody, although I’ve heard of the various ways and reasons people (narcissist) manipulate, but it just made sense when I heard you say at the beginning that they do so “to see where they are” with you in the relationship. That brought it home. Thank you!

Thank you for such clear explanations.

Thank you for taking the time to lay this out so clearly. Boundaries are hugely important and some of these manipulations can be so subtle. What about the bait and switch manipulation?

Yep #1... happened to me.. took about a week for me to realize that it didn't matter whether I was being too sensitive or not it was the way I felt and I had a right to it. I informed that person that I did not believe I was being too sensitive but if I was then it was obvious that I needed someone who was as sensitive as I was. RELATIONSHIP ENDED... and from that moment on that is how I managed relationships.. even if I was being "silly" (actually my instincts Kick It In) it was my right to be so & if a relationship forces me to ask "silly" then it's not the right relationship... And I have never had a problem about self-doubt again. Thank you for validating what I figured out for myself👍 My favorite saying is "it is not my desire to control ANYONE but my RIGHT to protect myself"

When you said manipulative and manipulatable are the two sides of the same coin..I know it's just what I have been all these years.. Don't wanna reveal my past don't wanna blame anybody, but I just understood recently that I was just being either faces of the same coin.. being a prayer and a victim in a cycle. After draining out completely now I understand the real value of honesty and sincerity. I'm putting a lot of effort to heal. Thank you for your kind support to open our eyes. I hope you help thousands and millions of others with your voice.

By the way, I married into a family with a narcissistic mother in law as well. Codependent husband too. We are also no contact with them!!! (My hubby and I are going it alone as fellow empaths and scapegoats) I think that is why we were drawn to each other in the first place. Extended family is nothing but trouble!!! We will not let the cycle repeat with our 2 sons...I warn them to not marry a narcissist, their life will be hell.

@wayfarinstranger2444

6 жыл бұрын

Just to clarify....My father in law is codependent, not my husband.!!! I meant my mother in law's husband in above reply!!! :)

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing Karin. When you get really good at setting boundaries, narcissists run away from you. If they cannot get what they want from you, they'll move on to another source. Eventually. I think staying away from people like this is often a great way for you to get strong enough to set those boundaries. So if they then happen to try to come back into your reality, you've not become unmanipulatable. Sounds like you and your hubby are well on your way. :)

@wayfarinstranger2444

6 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, it is not a matter of if I am strong enough to set boundaries, because I have. The problem is that narcissists do not and possibly never respect them. They simply do not exist to them. This is why we are now no contact. Not by choice, but by necessity.

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Hey Karin, Staying away from them IS setting a boundary. You're doing just great! :)

Please make a video with dealing with rude and mean customers in the work place and co-worker.

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Hey Joann, I've added it to the list. Thanks so much for submitting your suggestion!

@jaywilliams6357

5 жыл бұрын

Get a new job.

@ooEVILGOAToo

5 жыл бұрын

Have a big mirror behind you so they can see their ugliness coming out.

@sanctusignis9746

5 жыл бұрын

Sickly sweetness n reverence works for me, I'm good at it BC I had narcissistic parents,so I make an awesome people pleaser. However, I went into therapy due to depression n anxiety BC of my marriage,and discovered I took alot of crap from people. So I got a divorce and quit that job. Didnt know life can be so easy.

@iniubongnkanga9390

5 жыл бұрын

I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...

You have a gift! I recognized a lot of my own manipulative behaviors, which is embarrassing. I love how clearly you're able to define concepts that I couldn't quite get before. Thank you!

Thanks so much for being down to earth! It seems that if one happens to be a nicer person that a lot of people want to pick on them for their own purposes to get them to do something for them, etc.... I have never quite figured that one out! I was taught to do things for myself if at all possible. If I ask someone to help me, I do not try to manipulate them or give them a guilt trip if they cannot or don't want to. I move on to the next solution. Many people don't seem to have that perspective!

I wish I had been able to watch this when I was younger since it took me many years and a lot of mental pain to finally get to the point of setting boundaries "without feeling guilty" Now as a senior I have learned all these points and I consider myself "freed" from these issues. I hope a lot of younger people listen to your suggestions...a hundred times if necessary..LOL This video is a great learning tool!!!

This is an extraordinarily great video. Extremely informative! I run into so many manipulative people...including my mother and sibs and just like you say, I came under a lot of "fire" for walking away and having nothing to do with them whenever they act in these ways. I've always felt better for making my own decisions about them and it feels good that you have verified it. The "hidden" contracts are another big problem when dealing with them so now, I keep away from them, period

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

That's awesome Esmereldan. It can be so hard to set boundaries and walk away when it comes to family. But it does get easier over time. And, as I've witnessed many, many times (not always, but often), at some point, your family comes back into your reality. But now they respect your boundaries. That can and does happen (but doesn't have to, in case that freaks you out...). You should be really proud of yourself. What you've done isn't easy, but it does feel so much better... :)

@changethematrix

6 жыл бұрын

I feel you. I have had a very similar experience.

@godsroseinbloomh3246

4 жыл бұрын

I told my friend I didnt want to talk...avoided his calls for two days. Finally, when I talked to him, I said I want to discuss what happed (what you did) two days ago. He replied, (highjacking the issue), "That was two days ago. We're living in the present today". I decided I dont want to deal with this type of person and the so called relationship is not worth it! Case closed...manipulation and this was just the beginning of the relationship. No thanks. I'm good.

I rarely watch anything more than 10 minutes long. Every minute of this was gold. Thank you

Fantastically organized and presented in a enormously beneficial down to earth way to understand and implement this knowledge about ourselves and others!!!!

When you talked about the rage beast, that reminds me of my mother. She would also act like a victim if I placed a boundary and act like I was doing something TO her. That was so confusing because I would start thinking I was doing something bad and wrong because why else would someone get mad and/or act like a victim ESPECIALLY when its your mom and you think she has your best interests at heart and then I would drop.my boundary because I thought I was hurting the person or I was wrong about my boundary. I've met lots of people like that since then such as friends, boyfriends, etc., and I always get confused when they get mad/hurt when I TRY to put down a boundary.

Omg...yes on the identity part. I am a happy and helpful person and have been manipulated by families and people to help them even though sometimes it is not something I want to do. This video was very helpful. I am working on myself.

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

That's awesome maikor3! I'm so glad it was helpful.

@maix139

6 жыл бұрын

Melody Fletcher Deliberate Receiving thank you for making this awesome video it was very informative 😊

I'm a borderline living with a borderline. I'm used to be manipulative but DBT taught me how to be a respectful human. I'm not manipulative, but she is. Thank you for teaching me how to regain my power

This is excellent material. I have a book on systematic assertiveness training which I use as the backbone in the way I deal with people. This material fits with it perfectly. Thanks for sharing.

I need to manipulate myself to lose weight

@ka6148

5 жыл бұрын

I have found just eating enough to cover my work for the day keeps the weight off... It might only be 800 calories depending on your body exercise

@astralsalixxo6320

5 жыл бұрын

Lmao

@Anna-loves-you

5 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha

@superreverbfreak

5 жыл бұрын

Haha me too!

@majoremgloriam5034

5 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂

Oh my gosh. When I called her out she told me I was too sensitive!

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Yep, that's a manipulation technique... Now that you see it, you don't have to play that game anymore. :)

@barbh1

6 жыл бұрын

It's really a powerful feeling when you decode how people are trying to manipulate you. My boss used to have a lot of little habits to deflect blame from himself and on to others. One was to say I'm too sensitive. After I learned about that trick, I would just laugh at him.

@oliviapsalms9111

5 жыл бұрын

YES THEYLL TELL YOU, YOU ARE READING A LITTLE TOO MUCH INTO IT. TRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PARANOID. AS IF YOU DONT HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN TO SEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM. GIVE AN INCH AND THEYLL TAKE A MILE. DO A FAVOR ONCE OR TWICE AND THEYLL EXPECT IT EVERY TIME WITHOUT CONSIDERING YOUR FEELINGS. THEYLL TAKE YOUR KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS, OR THEYLL SAY WELL IF YOU REALLY ARE A GOOD PERSON YOUD DO IT. THATS WHEN IVE SAID, WELL IM GLAD ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME AND NOT YOU. THATLL WEED OUT YOUR TRUE FRIENDS RIGHT QUICK!

@Lebanesetweety

5 жыл бұрын

Mercy Me me too

@debkski6084

5 жыл бұрын

@@oliviapsalms9111 Thank you for SHOUTING.

You are great. I'm an older woman who has probably been "too nice" all my life and I have heard some of this, but not presented with this sequence and clarity. Very, very helpful for someone like me.

I have to say this that I have seen a lot of videos about similar content . But your content and choice of words made it just so much more clearer and understandable...also the stuff you have just talked about I havent come across before. Its a sad reality that a lot of people in our lives do try to manipulate you and in turn making you feel worse about yourself even for bringing up the issue with them...thank you!

Very well explained. Thank you!

Why would anyone thumbs down this video? This is an awesome video. I started a Word document to take notes. I came out of a controlling situation with a friend who worked at the ministry with me.

@AlitaGunnm

6 жыл бұрын

Alan Chambers YEAH !!! Maybe maybe we dont know , but this IS GOOD TO US 😁

@Medietos

5 жыл бұрын

Alan C. Disturbing Music,high-pitched voice, rapid speech

@yasminhabibti721

5 жыл бұрын

Because that viewer might think that SHE is being manipulative because they're blind to their own manipulation.

@bryanneal1043

5 жыл бұрын

Yes its good to be aware of manipulation formed from evil, ( FEAR, lies, guilt, hopelessness,shame, control, revilers...Corinthians 6:9-10; its all called out on how mankind is free from hell on earth,, by returning to the Father ,God ,Jesus Christ our Lord. Thy Kingdom of Heaven is already within , but only the person thyselves can access it for thyselves. Even the mankind who never heard or read the word of God has it , has access to it always, Our Father never forsakes you. All that critical thinking can be harmful , your supposed to guard your heart by and through armore of God gives us to protect us from satan and sins or transgressions against one another. I agree If someone used God as a way to manipulate or control over selfless giving person of course bad business !Beware! But the devil is all that terrible emotional rollercoaster of lies and confusion that build you up to tear you down,, so don't engage with the person ,along with defuse that person with your exchanges of correct responses in the moment and if impossible to avoid an interaction ,, be neutral but confident that you are not or ever weak without God as your Father ,,,the rest you learned by research from factual studies to identify and coexist with such manipulative people that have no intention of changing or a careless realization of transgressions against thy fellow mankind . Remember none of those terrible things come from God, God tells us in the word that satan has lied from the beginning and will devour us like lions . God is Love, kind , patient, merciful,(Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offense or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love never comes to an end." I Corinthians 13:4-

@bryanneal1043

5 жыл бұрын

Plus if your are a manipulative person and have identified it but refuse to repent of transgressions or sins to harm & control a selfless giving , humble , person along with - - not accepting Jesus as your Saviour,,for whatever reason will certainly continue to cause chaos or havoc, pursecute ,oppress , victimize , maltreatment... On earth to fellow mankind or to thyselves because the devil is their father or who they chose to imitate, follow, or belive . Two ways good way or evil way. Yes it starts with self-reflect come to Jesus moment and you are exactly right with perfecting your own power with the good way ,Jesus way.

This was soooo good. Articulate and informative. Black background is very effective. New subscriber!

One of the best videos I have watched in a long while! Thank you Melody!

My neighbor goes around calling herself an alcoholic so she can act terrible to you and manipulate you. Also she expects you to forgive whatever she does because she is not responsible for anything she says or forgets that she has said or done..

@DeliberateReceiving

6 жыл бұрын

Classic example Cat. You don't get to feel annoyed or angry, because she's not responsible for her actions and behavior. Now, this isn't about losing our compassion for others. But it's also about not letting our compassion be exploited. She may not be to blame for her life and her pain, but she is responsible for how she handles it. Blame and responsibility are not the same thing. And you're only responsible for your behavior. Start setting boundaries and don't accept behavior that crosses them because she's ill (being ill doesn't give you carte blanche to be an assh*le...)

@danielallan5058

6 жыл бұрын

I've been there and had that!

you are awesome!!! never stop during what you do

Thank you! This was one of the most helpful videos I've ever watched. I look forward to more and am SO GLAD I found you. Keep up the great work. You are so wise!

You are awesome! Thank you! I'm adding this audio to the edited-morning-audio right now! SUBSCRIBED, can't wait to listen to more videos.

A real eye opener for me. Thank you.

You rock Melody. Just what I needed right now as gone through this recently. Josh x

1. Gaslighting / Invalidating your boundary 2. Throwing a rage fit in response to setting a boundary 3. Hijacking a boundary setting conversation 4. Giving ultimatums 5. Artificially narrowing your options 6. Enforcing non-existent contracts 7. Using identities against you

This is one of my favorite videos on the subject, you explain it so well, thank you !

This is a great video!!! Is all of this in your book???

I find Dr. George Simon’s theories on disordered people to make more sense. Some people are just manipulators. They aren’t trying to quell some fear or anxiety based need. They just are that way.

@davidkepke1435

5 жыл бұрын

pevitzachast True. But are the boundary setting tactics any different? Maybe they could be. If they are just manipulators with no underlying malice, I suppose they could be educated. But that seems to be making the victim work too hard to try and figure out what kind of manipulator they are.

You are very good at what you do. Easy to understand and you make a lot of sense. Thank you so much for being here. I had a friend that started to do this to me and I had to just stop talking to her. When I told her over the phone why, she did say "That's stupid" "I can't believe you think that" and she went on. I said I was stressed and had enough. I have not talked with her since. :)

This should be part of every sex ed course!!! I realize, of course, the content is valuable and applicable in a myriad of ways. Thank you so much for sharing your insights.

Wow this woman is incredible! She explains so easily the ways I’ve been manipulated without being able to explain it myself to anyone! Growing up in two abusive homes it’s been very hard for me to decipher who is good and who isn’t. I really want to send this video to both my ex husbands and my current interest. Hahahaha

I really enjoyed this, thanks Melody! You have a new subscriber.

I am so glad I found you. I anticipate hearing more of what you have to share!

You said some mind-blowing things! I really like you.

How i fix my manipulative friends by blocking them as they speak... telling them i got things to do... ignore their everyday calls and tx msgs... and it works...

@AlitaGunnm

6 жыл бұрын

Texas Muscle how anoying , its easy to say but tell them NO

@maix139

6 жыл бұрын

I ignored a toxic friend by not answering her phone and texts after realizing that she never cared about me...she have been calling me non-stop these days.

@Medietos

6 жыл бұрын

Texas. i think it is cruel of ppl to ignore without saying why, keeping me waiting and wondering. Ppl will not always know by themselves what they did wrong. We often presume that others are more aware of themselves than they really are. but may way of telling has not been that good either. It may be due to my imbalance rather than a band technique though...

@sunnyapple5953

5 жыл бұрын

That's a passive way to deal with it, eventually will stop working and you will have to confront them. Save yourself time and call them out,if they stick around after you tell them exactly how you feel, they are your friends if not they are self absorbed and are only using you.

@shirleycolee1

5 жыл бұрын

Ignoring is very effective. They'll go bother someone else.

This is awesome. Hi-jacking the conversation - I never thought of the wording...but very good way to describe the issue! Such important work, thank you!

This video is so amazing and helpful. Now I know why nice guys get trampled by the manipulators or the low self-esteem bullies. I am greatful to hear this.

The problem with hijacking a conversation is when it comes from your teenage child. is much much more complex. When you try to tell them that you're feeling taken advantage of and they begin crying and telling you how they wake up everyday wanting to die, etc,... then what do you do ?

@DeliberateReceiving

5 жыл бұрын

Hoo boy. Teenagers are a totally different subject, lol. You have to give them a lot of emotional leeway. I think I have to make a video about teenagers...

@luzpueblalara4128

5 жыл бұрын

@@DeliberateReceiving yes please, for us teachers too!!!

God bless you for your work.

such a clear guidance, i have lived through a lot of "aha" moments just listening you. Thank you very much!

Thanks! I've wondered about various things that happened over the years.....and you are spot on! We think our close relationships want the "best for us", but the only person who knows "what is best" is us! I've had relationships with close family members that wanted a certain behavior from me; a painful and great example would be my mother. We would talk about my moving back - and yet she never cleaned the spare bedroom (filled with fabrics to make clothes with) - and she wanted me to think about living in the basement (Unfinished)! We talked about putting an small RV in the backyard - would that work? No!!! This went on for years!!! Many years! I've finally realized that every time I think about going back there - my life goes backward - personally, financially, etc. What was the meaning of this? I knew certain things about my life and what made it work that they did not know - and a lot of that would be painful for them to know. We try to protect people from certain truths - and difficult conversations - maybe we can't figure out a way to say that and have them understand. Maybe we just aren't ready to be family therapists. While it can be true "that time heals all wounds", distance also works! Sometimes the best thing you can do....is state what has to be stated - without rancor.

Control IS the key ... This is very helpfull