I grew up in a very abusive and turbulent home and for years attracted very mean and selfish men. I'm in my mid 40's and I've learned to protect myself by doing something that ABSOLUTELY works: I ask myself, "Would you let someone treat your child that way? Would you let someone talk to your child that way?" Now I don't have any children, but I imagine that if I did, I'd be very protective of them. And I have become my own parent in a way, the kind of parent I never had, and I watch out for myself now. It's been a GAME CHANGER!

@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light

2 жыл бұрын

Good on you that's awesome!

@WordsAreYou

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you SO much for this ❤️

@iwonajezak5520

2 жыл бұрын

I can relate to this so much. My dad kept saying " I will always protect you from abusive men" meanwhile he was the one who was beating me up. I think that's what confused me in life and got me trapped in many toxic relationships. I am alone and trying to find a new normal. Thank you so much for your post.

@aneeznovelist2176

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this. It is my story too. I wish we would all stop hurting ourselves this way....

@richaaamishra

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! I'm going to try this... I'm 24 and I have realized that my childhood trauma and issues are the reason for my patterns. And I've been trying, working really hard at myself to undo the damage done... I'm going to have to be my own parent as well.

As someone who works in DV and SA, I think yall missed one of the more obvious but also scarier red flags: moving too fast. If someone doesn't have the emotional self-control to act appropriately in the good times then they won't be able to in the bad times either

@baghashvili

2 жыл бұрын

It can be another form of 'Crazy-making/inconsistency" red flag, good point.

@gracer5923

2 жыл бұрын

Well said!

@YukonFox1972

2 жыл бұрын

Golden Period-narcissists love bomb to bedazzle someone.

@jeccym8715

2 жыл бұрын

Does that mean also sexual emotions?

@jomckenna1288

2 жыл бұрын

Completely agree

1. Unapologetic. 2. Don't try to change me. 3. Crazy making. 4. Dumping. 5. Make you feel embarrassed. 6. Gas lighting.

@MssSemi

2 жыл бұрын

Ty🙏✨

@lena9345

2 жыл бұрын

narcissism

@YukonFox1972

2 жыл бұрын

@@lena9345 EXACTLY. It’s a narcissistic playlist!

@sky_3023

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for summing it up!

@ZenoLycurgus

2 жыл бұрын

Ty

Imma just say this- TRUST yourself. Analyze the behavior, yours and theirs, but at the end of the day make it a priority to trust your gut. Your experience teaches you something so don’t disregard it.

Gaslighting is such a huge red flag for me now. Once you've lost your confidence because of an abusive partner but then have your eyes opened to the truth, you'll spot the narcissism in other potential partners very quickly.

@valerielove9837

2 жыл бұрын

What is gaslighting???

@_lgs

2 жыл бұрын

@@valerielove9837 Gaslighting is the behavior of an individual who never takes personal responsibly for their actions. When you bring up issues to this person, they will always turn it around to make it seem like you are the problem or that it's your fault, not theirs. This causes a good person to doubt their sanity and begin thinking that they actually are the problem, when in reality, it's the narcissist that's leading them to feel that way.

@nomytheone

2 жыл бұрын

As shitty as that experience is…literally makes me feel blessed that i can now spot that bs from afar, just like you said

@_lgs

2 жыл бұрын

@@nomytheone 100%! It definitely made my insight much keener than before. While painful, it can be turned into a valuable learning experience.

@ChocoParfaitFra

2 жыл бұрын

Yes you’re right!

My ex would only be “vulnerable” about how my feelings would make him feel. Example: He lets me down or says something hurtful. I am upset or disappointed. He then becomes sad because my disappointment makes HIM feel bad. There is no concern about how he made me feel or how his actions affected me……I would tell him I couldn’t comfort him when he just hurt me, and he’d literally yell at me that he was being “vulnerable” and sharing his feelings with me and that I was being terrible. Mind games. To clarify- what if he hit me and I was upset? It’s just the same as the abuser turning around and wanting comfort. When you don’t give comfort, then they claim YOU are the abuser. WTF.

@becky3346

2 жыл бұрын

THIS. I thought I was the bad person who couldn’t comfort him even when it was him who hurt me first. Thank you for sharing such a relatable experience.

@Dani-lc9hq

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely!! Experienced this too!

@QuietlyCurious

2 жыл бұрын

Lol that is gaslighting to the nth degree. Attracted that type many times myself. Talk about crazy-making

@teigans7221

2 жыл бұрын

My ex kinda did this too but he always took it as an attack that I got upset by something or just wanted to outright talk about something just to work through it and would purposely avoid me and ghost me if I wanted to communicate in any way with him. I just left him a month ago because of this + lying and cheating

My ex would be mean and acted poorly.He had no problem saying sorry but would keep doing it. We finally parted weeks a few weeks ago for good it's been hard but I am learning to value myself. This time was a permanent. With the words he said no going back I was a giver he is a taker. He wanted to be friends just to keep me for things he may need in the future. This train is going to keep moving.

@tenilledoram

2 жыл бұрын

Don't you just love when they want to remain in your life after they've behaved less than optimally in it already? Classic

@nunewsmama3461

2 жыл бұрын

So glad you moved on. Men who do this can destroy our souls and don't even think how they damage us. I want to stop the narcissist and toxic narrative and just call them selfish, insecure arseholes. The problem is in going forward, I don't trust the next person. I must claim my power, I must not think all people are like this, I must love myself to love others....but it is so effing difficult.

@ElizabethSotiria

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly what I was gon say, sorry is easy to say from people who don’t mean it.. in fact it loses all meaning and almost becomes condescending when the behaviour is still repeated. I’ve learnt to ignore words if they’re not backed up 200% by solidifying actions

@sethmonahan8038

2 жыл бұрын

@@tenilledoram we don’t know what we had until it’s a memory . Believe me if he genuinely loved you and didn’t change his ways in time then he’s definitely and sincerely going through hell .because I know I am …I wish I were able to pull my head out of my ass sooner . Maybe she’d still be around and I wouldn’t be commenting on the video at 2am going crazy

@emil1547

2 жыл бұрын

@@sethmonahan8038 same here Seth, I'm so fucked up right now for last 2 weeks, I don't see how I will survive that she left me, I'm so depressed can't get out of bed

The first one: Watch out for fake apologies ("I am sorry but", "I am sorry you feel that way"). I had a boyfriend who would apologize A LOT but he used the fake ones and he used the apology as a method to make me stop talking about the problem ("I already apologized so what do you want?!")

@intherockies

2 жыл бұрын

100%! The guy I was dating would say "I'm sorry you feel that way". I found an short article on how it's not an apology and why. He stopped but I felt like I was constantly having to teach him other things similar. I decided I was done

@Mystic_Light

2 жыл бұрын

"I'm sorry" are just words. Appropriate action/behavior modification must follow said words, or they are meaningless puffs of air.

@chriscunningham8807

2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry you feel that way implies that the person did not intentionally mean to hurt or upset you and does not understand why you "feel offended" in response to an issue or misunderstanding or squabble. Expecting the other person to keep apologising is something cult leaders do to control and instil guilt in followers. Actually being sorry and realising you made a mistake is different. Feeling forced to give an apology to keep the peace can be frustrating to a person wrongly accused of something or coerced into accpeting all blame if there is an argument or misunderstanding.

@neuropsychroberts8922

2 жыл бұрын

@@chriscunningham8807" I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology. It is not the same as "I'm sorry I upset you." Or "Sorry what I said/did was hurtful to you." Even if you don't understand the offense you can still say "I'm sorry I offended you." That's taking some ownership. "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a deflection from responsibility & often used in imbalanced power dynamics like bosses to employees, men to women, White People to People of Color to stop a conversation about abuse and/or grievance. It only offers an out to the person saying it leaving the person who was hurt being shut down & therefore disrespected again.

@neuropsychroberts8922

2 жыл бұрын

@@chriscunningham8807 There is a big problem if you feel like your only option is to take blame for things that aren't your responsibility. That sounds abusive. If you're in a situation like this, please get help and support for yourself. ❤

Not a romantic relationship but I have a friend that “dumps” on me frequently & it’s such an energy draining action to put on someone. It’s so difficult to tell that person they’re crossing a boundary without them getting defensive too because in their head they can’t do wrong.

@aurwood68

2 жыл бұрын

You need to establish boundaries with ur friend

@skarbuskreska

2 жыл бұрын

One of the reasons I eventually gave up my best friend. She was a bit overweight, I was just naturally thin, never dieted, loved sports for the sake of it. I never mentioned anything about her looks, didn't care for looks at all, but she was not satisfied with her look. Despite that though she did nothing to change that, no change in eating habbits, not more sports. She acted more and more jealous around me over the years, despite me having 0 boyfriends (for other reasons) and her having some! At times because some random boy apparently looked at me, she was pissed around me then. Would mention it, when I wasn't even aware nor interested. I didn't do anything wrong, yet she made me feel like I'm the problem for her own problems. My last straw was when she started to act dumb in school, despite me knowing she's intelligent, and basically stalking a class mate that had clearly said no to her advances.

@iJuanGutierrez

2 жыл бұрын

@@skarbuskreska wow her insecurity’s were screaming. And her stalking a guy that denied her is saying she wasn’t sane in the mind.

@Afriquella

2 жыл бұрын

Get a new friend

@jazzstarish4186

2 жыл бұрын

Not a friend.

My ex used to always call me too sensitive or too soft every time I wanted to talk about what was bugging me or to try and work through our problems. It was terrible

@soulsearcher9964

2 жыл бұрын

This is my partner right now. I get told im a moron or an idiot when i try to communicate about any struggles I'm seeing. Last one being blowing 4k in the space of a month without paying any debts he owed. Lots of new things for himself. Paid me 500 he'd owed me for 5 years the rest went on him & even though we've struggled financially since January not one item of food was bought for the house from it. He was also diagnosed with an illness at the beginning of year so im stuck since he uses this excuse to stay now & do feel guilty when i think of how he wouldn't be able to cope on his own. I now have mental health.

@niiskuneitiBANAANI

2 жыл бұрын

Same. My ex was like "Look at me, I don't talk about problems like you!" like it was achievement.

@mariahconklin4150

2 жыл бұрын

That’s abuse and that’s sad. Ugh

@publicserviceannouncement4777

2 жыл бұрын

I hope all of you know it's just the opposite. It takes an incredible amount of COURAGE to be vulnerable.

@vikas2412

2 жыл бұрын

I was told "childish" and "immature" for saying that I missed them, I am anxious,that I feel like falling into a spiral. I was told that I am having those feelings because I am too free, that I should sort my head out. I raised my displeasure but got no apology. I still continued, THAT WAS MY MISTAKE.

A guy offended me and then responded very roughly when I brought it up. Took complete 180 from being soft spoken and sweet and then ghosted me, now he's happily blocked.

@Rich_Club_Only

2 жыл бұрын

As you should!

@emmanuelkeister1643

2 жыл бұрын

some guys aren't taught to regulate our emotions you blame society for telling us to be hard and not to regulate our emotions. Please keep in mind men are human not gods. And if therapy wasn't a stigma for men it's wouldn't have turned out that way sorry he did that

@leslie97gargi

2 жыл бұрын

@@emmanuelkeister1643 what a garbage response

@mariahconklin4150

2 жыл бұрын

Lol good.

@sirprize5191

2 жыл бұрын

Being offended doesn't mean shit

The point of "well that's just who I am" is such a brilliant red flag to bring up because this person is telling you that they refuse to compromise, and how can you ever build a relationship with someone unwilling to meet you halfway? My recent ex was like this, and if I'd found this video a year ago it would have saved me a world of hurt. I ended up bending over backwards and changing myself for someone who discarded me eventually anyway.

@arnavsrivastava4635

Жыл бұрын

This is so damn true, this is my personality, this is who I'm

@Relativetoyou

Жыл бұрын

So true! My ex was the same way. I’ve always been very understanding, in one of our first real fights he said the same thing, that’s just the way he was. I was so flabbergasted and realized at that moment my ex will not compromise an inch even though I’ve given a mile. Hard lessons!

@mobileradiofitter

Жыл бұрын

That's when I knew, after 3 months of drawing me in then suddenly one day she said this is who I am if you don't like it oh well. I should have walked at that point it led to alot of emotional pain

@WonderWoman1984-uy5yn

9 ай бұрын

Also using different words to mean the same thing "I'm very principled on this!" as a response to him wanting to be controlling about something, and I was offering resistance. Also "I'm a passionate person" to justify their need to scream, swear and name call during arguments...

Showing vulnerability in a relationship takes a lot of courage and when you do and your partner makes you feel embarrassed it's a huge red flag. I'll suggest you let him know how his attitude towards your disclosure made you feel. If it was a genuine error on his judgement, he'll apologise. If he doesn't it's an indication whether you should keep investing in the relationship.

@emmanuelkeister1643

2 жыл бұрын

Yes and no, please keep in mind I'm a 17 naive boy who just see things around me. Anyways, alot of times us guys are dense and naive, right now growing up no one is teaching me to Apologize and to see my errors people points them out but it's really hard too see in myself my flaws men are human not gods we can't see our own mistakes without years of therapy and alot of us are embarrassed to go to therapy because alot of humans make fun of us for going

@intherockies

2 жыл бұрын

If he does apologize and it keeps happening again and again that's another red flag

@valerielove9837

2 жыл бұрын

@@emmanuelkeister1643 I always got laughed at for going to counseling. And I'm 59. I have learned more about my self in the last 10 years because of getting out of a bad relationship.and almost dying twice. You need to trust your gut insticks about things. I have said if 2 people who don't know you or each other are saying the same things about your character that may need to be changed. Then I would trust that. Just my experience.

@arorajivlogs1641

2 жыл бұрын

​@@emmanuelkeister1643 stay around good people and observe their behavior, no one gonna teach you small things, u gotta pick it from wherever you can. do spiritual research over google, youtube etc. or just put urself in other person's shoes. how will u feel if someone does it to you. remember you are responsible for ur actions, can't blame on others for not teaching you, or being naive. lot of 17 years are quite mature by their age.

@klickingkayasmr7585

2 жыл бұрын

Yep, or throws it back in your face when they want to retaliate

Red flags are not subtle. The things that make you think “huh?” or that make you feel shocked on the inside but you don’t show it because you don’t want to seem like someone who over reacts. 1:36 as well.

@ChocoParfaitFra

2 жыл бұрын

Some of them are subtle, because you may think “well they just have a bad day” so you justify them, or maybe you think “oh I misunderstood” or whatever when in reality they’re gaslighting you. I found it very hard to spot the red flags in my relationship

A lot of what you're describing are traits of narcissistic personality disorder. Gaslighting, abuse, lack of empathy. My ex is a very toxic narcissist. I now have a protective order and there's a felony domestic case now.

Why is it so hard to find a good healthy relationship. God I'm so tired of this. Just hearing those things made me cry...

Matthew could have just ended the video with the 1st red flag. I've had one toxic relationship in my life and she NEVER apologized through the years we've been together. She would also use my apologies against me. If you see that red flag: RUN!!!....these people NEVER change.

@Prisy087

2 жыл бұрын

100% agree

@chriscunningham8807

2 жыл бұрын

These people demand an apology from the very person they attacked. They are never wrong and will fight to the death to prove that blue is pink and left is right.

@emp9413

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed experienced the same. No hope there.

@mariahconklin4150

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. Ugh

@mariahconklin4150

2 жыл бұрын

@@chriscunningham8807 lol! Yep!

Them putting you on a pedestal early on for something you’re we’ll known for. It’s their ego wanting to date you for that ‘thing’. Then because you are so much more than that one thing (actually you are just like every other girl) that’s a red flag.

@joncyprus1304

2 жыл бұрын

Very true. With my ex it’s like the whole reason she dated me was that I was like this trophy to everyone. We were together for 3 years and me being me never felt like it was enough. At some point she started bragging to friends about me. It was about my looks, never about my personality. Not so much later after that, she saw me in a different light and left me very suddenly. NEVER date somebody who needs validation like that, someone that needs someone else to put intrinsic value in themselves. Find someone that loves you for you and doesn’t treat you like a trophy in the cabinet.

Another red flag is someone who takes something private or sensitive you told them about yourself, and then they keep it in mind and rub it in your face in another discussion. RUN AWAY.

@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

Whatsapp her if you have a pr-oblem and if you want your ex to come back. , 👇👇👇🇹🇨🇹🇨🇹🇨⏮📌✝²3⁴9078¹¹¹531📝▶

Adding on to the first point, I think meaning the apology and taking responsibility for the mistake key. Saying a halfhearted "sorry", just for the sake of it, still counts as unapologetic

@sexiicutie18

2 жыл бұрын

Or saying sorry without changed behaviour

Being unable to apologize and admit mistakes is a definite red flag. AND, I notice that in previous relationships of mine, they would do the same thing over and over and say sorry over and over and yet, it was empty. It was an empty apology that began to become meaningless.

1) unapologetic 2) resistant to change 3) crazy making 4) dumping 5) make you feel embarrassed 6) gaslighting

I would like to add something to the first red flag about apologizing. My ex husband would be very quick to apologize without meaning it simply to end the argument and without making any changes. On the other hand I would work very very hard to do the right thing in the first place but if I did do something wrong it would be an immediate apology followed by an action to avoid making the same mistake again. In my mind sorry is not only acknowledgment of your wrong-doing but also a promise to not hurt the person in the same way again or to learn how to correct the behavior. The Insincere sorry’s I received over the years became very painful and I came to think about them as lies in the end.

@andrewebeagbor136

2 жыл бұрын

I know of a man who would help you restore back your relationship either you ex or soul mate

@andrewebeagbor136

2 жыл бұрын

±2348134090209⏯⏯?????????

My ex would get mad at me for not saying sorry…but our arguments would start over something for him (intimacy) and he would just start berating me telling me what “ kind of person I am “and would gaslight me into thinking I was the one causing the issues; again getting mad I wouldn’t apologize and try to make it all better for him. My trauma response was my brain basically is in overdrive but not working at the same time , so I have a billion things running through my mind but when he’s try and get me to say something it would blank and he’d just get angrier. I’ll only apologize when im in the wrong, not when someone is mad at me and trying to bend me to submitting.

I was always so receptive to my partner whenever he opened up to me. If I was doing something, or NOT doing something, that bothered him, I would work on that and be open to him and his feelings. Whenever I tried to talk to my EX about things that he did that weren't in alignment with what I'm looking for in a relationship he would ALWAYS get defensive, downplay his actions and how I felt about it and held a staunch refusal to even acknowledge it. I walked away a week ago and reclaiming my energy has been such an incredible feeling. My ex displayed every single one of these!

@alexandrabsuarez

2 жыл бұрын

@@bankolebenjamin8634 nah I'm good! I don't want my ex back :P

I don't understand people who say they will do things and literally not even attempt or say "oh I didn't have time." Don't say it at all if you are not going to do it 100% or as Matthew said apologize and try to fix it or make it up to you. If they don't and pretend nothing happened or hope you don't remember just RUN!!!

Great content. You have been extremely impactful for me. Once I just chose to listen instead of looking at it as you're speaking to women, I realized the way you speak is needed for everyone. Thanks

I was in a 5 month relationship and everytime I tried to express my feelings and be vulnerable in front of my ex he would like laugh a little and said I was too sensitive or when I told him that I would like him to talk to me more often through texts and phone calls when we are not together he would say " you shouldn't worry about that it's not your problem I am just like that" and one time I told him that I sometimes feel like he doesn't care and he just walked out of room came back 10 minutes after like I pretended like I didn't say anything and I knew something was off but just didn't know what, I have never dealt with manipulation,and throughout this videos I learned a lot

@jazzstarish4186

2 жыл бұрын

He was or is childish.

I was hoping more for advice about picking up on red flags in the earlier stages of dating *before* making the mistake of getting caught up in a relationship with the problem person. For example, one flag I just picked up on texting a guy I had just recently met, was how he tried to criticize a friend/classmate in a photo I sent to him. He made a sarcastic joke about the overweight guy. I had to tell him that that guy is actually one of the most chill and intelligent (engineer) people in my class. He did apologize sort of, but still, pretty sure he demonstrated his true colors, and I’ll be keeping my radar on 🤨

@mariahconklin4150

2 жыл бұрын

That’s what my boyfriend said about his friend. I see that as a red flag. Idk why no one wants to work on themselves but it’s sad. Makes me just want to be single for life I’m happier staying single.

@publicserviceannouncement4777

2 жыл бұрын

MM you are very wise. My mom taught me not to take delight when someone treats another person cruelly but to ask yourself (myself) "when will it be me next?" I think you figured out on of the best ways to detect if a relationship will work or not. "By watching how they treat others (particularly people who are helpless or don't serve them personally in some way. How a person treats waitstaff is one of the most common examples. But what about how they treat family? Animals? What do they think about children? [not referring to having children just their view on what children mean to them])

@publicserviceannouncement4777

2 жыл бұрын

Were they sorry because they truly saw that their behavior was offensive OR were they sorry because you called them on their bs?

@gracey5512

2 жыл бұрын

1. Negging 2. Talking about his ex or asking about your dating history in detail too early in dating. Not taking any blame for failres of past relationships 3. Jealousy early on 4. Trying to rush into relationship too early on before having had enough time to vet you 5. Poor way he treats his mother 6. Apathetic about your feelings/ lack of emotional connection

@Jelly-sk2ry

2 жыл бұрын

@@gracey5512 "Not taking any blame for failres of past relationships" THIS

😔😔 A lot of this I experienced with my ex.And I felt like losing my mind coz no matter how I try to communicate how their actions made me feel and affects my mental health..He would invalidate my feelings

My ex said sorry easily when caught…the problem is he didn’t mean it and kept up what he was doing. Red flags happen one at a time, and it is when we look back at all of them that we see the pattern. I used to beat myself up over not paying attention to the red flags…one is iffy, but 2 or 3, or more are a deal breaker now. Honesty is what I require now absolutely…catching someone in lies will not get a pass from me going forward. Actions must follow their words…if not I am hitting the bricks.

This is gold!! I'm a work in progress. I just realized that I luv to change. Not to please others but to make me better. To grow♥️♥️. U rock, matt. And l just luv u

That "Don't try to change me" ... I agree with it, don't! I believe change must start from within, meaning when together and we learn each other and I want to change something about myself because I sense that my partner would like that and I am willing/wanting to do so, then change is great. Opposed to when one want to change the partner inside or out and pressing it, pushing it, demanding it, now for me that is a red flag. And, in my experience this kind usually only sparks resentment, a strong push against it all and even can lead to a break up.

Mathew is always creative. I was expecting cliches or things that I’ve already heard and make me go “duh”. But really, this is a modern version of today’s society’s red flags. Good job.

The most toxic relationship I've been in contained A LOT of crazy-making. I'm only at 3:55, but it's already such a relief to hear these things and be reminded what's what. Thanks Matthew!

Seems like I always been in a toxic relationship and was trying to convince myself i was in a healthy one😅

@ChristianaSenibo

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like you're beginning to tell the difference. That’s progress 👏🏾

@mariahconklin4150

2 жыл бұрын

I just accept it from now on and I guess that’s pathetic. Idk 🤷‍♀️

@youre_constant

2 жыл бұрын

just leave it

@susanmcguire4664

2 жыл бұрын

@@mariahconklin4150 do not put up with emotional abuse from a toxic person. It is not healthy for you. Have some self respect and try and remind yourself you deserve better. You deserve to be respected, appreciated, treated fairly and loved properly and honestly. If your partner is not treating you well it is time to leave the relationship. If you stay and put up with being hurt over and over then it will damage you long term, which is not what anyone deserves or needs.

@sirprize5191

2 жыл бұрын

Ur the common denominator.

The not apologising thing. I wish I’d known this before but it’s so obvious now you’ve said it.

I see so much of these redflags in my either now close or past relationships, both in myself and the other. Just never occurred to me that those things where redflags because it just makes me feel inadequate all the time, feel like I was not worthy of it and I just had to work harder. Needless to say it eventually did not work out for the long term. Also Matthew, Love the format of this video!

Wow the first one hit home. I am always open to understand why I made my partner feel a type of way, and I’ll apologize and communicate with him. But vice versa, he always pulls the “this is who I am.” Card or the half ass apology to make me stop talking about it. But majority of the time it’s a I’m wrong he’s right. Thank you for this video

Love your last point regarding perspective from outside the relationship Matthew, very important and we all need that grounding at times. I'd also say, know yourself well. When you raise a concern and are told you're imagining things, or being too sensitive, or it isn't a problem you need the confidence in your own mind to see that for what it is. Great content here 👍🏻

Love-bombing should ALWAYS be #1 as most of these other signs come well after the LB. Always be wary of the one who comes on too strong & too quickly as no one can truly, fully love someone within 2 wks. Strong like, sure. Not love. They've either got ulterior motives & want to make you more "pliable" or they've put you on a pedestal of fantasy because they're seeking to fill a void.

Good advice. I would also add that sometimes, the exact opposite is also a red flag 1. Unapologetic OR constantly begging for forgiveness like a victim 2. Don't try to change me OR insisting they will do whatever you say as they have no opinions of their own and 4. Dumping OR refusing to let go no matter how bad things get. Bad.

8:16 I always rejected this proposition because it seemed like avoiding responsibility for your own perception(s). Expecting to be allowed to be wrong about something felt like being entitled to things I shouldn't be. Thanks again for this video! Much to think about.

“The hardest thing in a relationship is to feel vulnerable and to feel safe to be vulnerable.” Felt that.

@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

Do you need instant help (? I can recommend you to someone who helped me restore back my broken marriage; and I believe he can also render you help too💕💕

@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

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@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

📌✝²3⁴9078¹¹¹531📝▶

The red flags 🚩 fashion statement is PERFECT 👌

The lady was saying good points trust vulnerability can ruin things,and Mathew just answered everything,as always.

My ex would get mad at me when i confront him that he is not there for me anymore...he hated anything i said ,he wanted me to remain silent ,he mocked my talking ,he was mean

This guy I was talking too I saw the red flags and immediately started pulling back. Red means stop no? So don’t pursue those red flags for “potential”

I experienced gaslighting for a considerable time and finally I was exhausted. I think he wanted me to be out of his life. Instead of telling it directly, he made me loose interest in him

I love all of this, Matthew. It sounds like the women who you were speaking to were younger women. I would really love it if you would have as your hosts or speakers with you some schooled, learned women who are past say… 35 or so. I bet you could learn a lot and the ladies listening to your channel could learn a lot more also if you did that. Just a suggestion!. Remember there are a lot of people 35+ out there looking for a relationship as well. We count!

@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

Wh🅰️TSAA🅿️ Him directly..

@publicserviceannouncement4777

2 жыл бұрын

I think that's a great idea. I have learned a lot of what I know from looking up to or from directly asking advice from women all the into their sixties and beyond.

Someone not making you feel ashamed or bad even when you might be wrong about a potential concern and you are being vulnerable about it is huge!

This just make me don’t want to deal with someone anymore.

Matthew, that was soo brilliant-‘when someone is not able to accept your vulnerability and makes you feel worse, as well as not showing up or acknowledging when they say they will.’ I love that you tackle the big things. You are so wise and brilliant.

@rosemaryegiliwebi6351

2 жыл бұрын

__Hi, why don't you send a message to this great man who helped me attract my partner after many years of separation💕

@rosemaryegiliwebi6351

2 жыл бұрын

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@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

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@practical.emotions

2 жыл бұрын

Okay, why are the scammers? Why would anyone want to pay/put a spell on someone to like them? Matthew Hussey is a brilliant man that just gave amazing free advice. You scammers are on some low level frequency

I would argue that all of these are forms of emotional abuse and fall under the umbrella of “crazy making” ALL of these things contributed to my thinking I was insane, and needed professional help, and I was an abuser. Only to be told by my therapist that every scenario I explained to her was ME being abused 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

When they insist on helping you with something important and then leave you hanging,… 🤦‍♀️

@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

Whatsapp her if you have a pr-oblem and if you want your ex to come back. , 👇👇👇🇹🇨🇹🇨🇹🇨⏮📌✝²3⁴9078¹¹¹531📝▶

Showing vulnerability and being safe with it 💗 Nothing can be more pure or say good (I m not able to find the proper word for it)

One vulnerable moment that I showed to my friends was when I was on the verge of crying because my newly adopted kitten that I found on the street was missing. I was so scared and in pain but all they told me was: "Ah, that's nothing."

So true about vulnerability, thank you Matthew!

dumping was very quickly touched on but hit really close. My ex was not the most emotionally stable and told me multiple times that I was the only thing that makes her happy. That puts so much pressure on me and makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells and indeed feeling a responsibility for all her happiness. We were also long distance which made things even harder in this regard. Led to me emotionally drained and burnt out and not able to give her the love she deserved or in the way she wanted.

You've changed my life entirely Matthew Hussey, thank you!! :))💓

Really great point on vulnerability vs dumping Matthew!! 👍

So going through all of this right now. Six year relationship just ended because he didn't think we were in a real relationship..I was just a hookup. I know, sounds bizarre, and it totally is. It's making me feel so stupid.

This is very insightful and would’ve been helpful had I seen this when it was released. At that point i was at the tail end of a toxic relationship where the girl I thought was the love of my life, was behaving in all these ways. Safe to say that I left the relationship at that time thinking it was my fault.

@silene9803

Жыл бұрын

Classic effing narcissists - they are always “the loves of our lives”. It is unbelievable how the script is with small variations the same, how we as their victims arrive at the same expressions independently. Love of my life, walking on eggshells, crazy-making, unapologetic, moving too fast, disrespectful, surviving on breadcrums, soul-crushing and so on - I have used all these and many more before I learnt these are typical for narcs and there is a whole terminology to describe relationships with narcs. Very recently left “the love of my life” as well. I hope you are better now and will heal and find a better person.

"Stepping out of ourselves" yes! This reminds me of something I read years back that sticks with me: treat your partner with the respect you'd have for another person's spouse.

@nanselyoumtan5881

2 жыл бұрын

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@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

Do you need instant help (? I can recommend you to someone who helped me restore back my broken marriage; and I believe he can also render you help too💕💕

@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

Wh🅰️TSAA🅿️ Him directly..

@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

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Love this Q& A format! Subscribed👍🏻

Absolutely THE BEST information, right here! ❤️

Matthew Hussey..every mother deserves a son like you..every sister deserves a brother like you..every daughter deserves a father like you..every wife deserves a husband like you.. Matthew Hussey..every good girl deserves a good man like you..

Agreed Mr. Hussey! Admission of wrong between two people is huge. Discussion, willingness to listen and ownership is a winner in a relationship. The ability to do that gives rise to be able to target other ideals in a relationship, i. e. vulnerability, honesty, compromise…

@ibrahimabubakar2644

2 жыл бұрын

Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks

@ibrahimabubakar2644

2 жыл бұрын

±2348103378310⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,.....

@ibrahimabubakar2644

2 жыл бұрын

Message the number above the comment on WhatsApp if you need your Lover back

Being love bomb with flowers, chocolate, jewelry etc. I thought I had found the right man so much so that when he asked me to marry him I was excited to be engaged to him. Unfortunately it went downhill from there. He would talk about other people all the time. He looked into MY shopping basket to see how much something was that I was buying with my own money! He told me he thought I could have gotten it cheaper somewhere else so he was trying to help me. The item was less than $3.75 because it was on sale. I know how to shop and be thrift with my money gessh. He liked to tell the story of how he shot at a stray cat years ago but missed and the arrow went into a mobile home 😳. He could not get alone with my grandson who I am raising. There was so many red flags. He would tease me about something and then tell me he was just joking. But it got old fast. When I would miss Church due to a Chronic illness he would ignore me the rest of the day, he was pouting. He did announcements at the Church and was the 60 yr old youth pastor and he never missed Church so therefore neither should I. He would even admit he didn't have empathy and his wife who passed away would say that too him. It took me 3 yrs before I realized he was not someone I wanted to be with because we always had fun going and doing. I realized the longer I was with him the more unbearable he became and there was no way I could live with him because the love bombing had died down (as it should some in a established relationship)but all was left was a guy who talked about people, was rude and was dragging my self esteem through the mud which was not strong anyway. The worst part was I felt like I feel in love with a someone he was not and I had to mourn that person

@duckypam

2 жыл бұрын

Yessss love bombing is a massive red flag! Gigantic

man, so loved that first one....I knew when I married my ex 35 years there was a deep problem with him not apologizing...he cheated like crazy....and never said sorry....I'm free now.....thanks Matthew

@kullumohammed5957

2 жыл бұрын

I know of a great spiritual man who can help you get your ex back under 24 hours 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

@kullumohammed5957

2 жыл бұрын

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@kullumohammed5957

2 жыл бұрын

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👍👍👍 not being able to apologize is a no go!!!

Was thinking about your comment, Matthew, about fearing giving our power away to the other person in being vulnerable. I wonder if we have that fear when we already sense an unequal power dynamic in our partnership. In a fair and balanced relational system, both ppl should have equal influence and be receptive to each other. Obviously ppl can't and don't respond optimally EVERY time to us, but in my experience, if I am afraid to appear weak with someone it's because they've already given me reason to believe they'll become adversarial, harsh or critical in response. Experience will have taught me to expect that. If there's authentic safety, I should rarely feel that I am giving my power away or will lose it.

@derickhills4120

2 жыл бұрын

Whatsapp her if you have a pr-oblem and if you want your ex to come back. , 👇👇👇🇹🇨🇹🇨🇹🇨⏮📌✝²3⁴9078¹¹¹531📝▶

I love how women are getting great relationship advice and working on themselves! It would be awesome if you could work with MEN too!

@maimunaagbo1208

2 жыл бұрын

Write the number on WhatsApp now👇👇

@maimunaagbo1208

2 жыл бұрын

Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,

@ArmstrongandTumbler

2 жыл бұрын

Guy here. I would say that the advice Matt gives is pretty universal to either side of the relationship. Men are not so different with relationship struggles and finding red flags. I remember getting out of a couple of relationships where the girl did a lot of these things, and it got to a point where I had to hide my panic attacks around her and her friends. They would ridicule me if they saw.

@naureenr.s.4065

2 жыл бұрын

@@ArmstrongandTumbler my thoughts are if guys don't listen to Matt because he focuses on women. Unless his audience has male viewers too. If his advice resonates to men too, that's fantastic, because you are right his advice is universal

@RuthCrocker

2 жыл бұрын

He has worked with men. He did so before he launched his business coaching women.

The 4 agreements! They make a strong foundation for a relationship as well as a foundation stone for oneself.

I feel everybody has red flags in some way, nobody in perfect

Great advice Matthew, this is extremely valuable for insight! I really wanted to know what type of filming camera does Matthew and his team use? It's really high quality -

Right from the Get go, the first one, Can't apologize. Me ex could never apologize and even his mother said " don't hold your breath. " I knew I knew that was wrong but tried and tried, I am definitely not perfect by any means, but felt hopeless in that relationship. That you Matthew just made my day and I am only 1 minute in. Lol Take Care everyone.

@Alexanderyana

2 жыл бұрын

not interested in ever going back, please stop replying. not interested lol

THANK YOU!!! I really needed to hear this today.

This is such an amazing and helpful video. Thank you!

@ChristianaSenibo

2 жыл бұрын

Really good

Great discussion. All points well said.

This includes friends as well. I have had friends who in one moment intentionally do something to make you feel bad and after they realize they made you feel bad, they try to be nice. It does come off as an apology. It comes off that manipulative and controlling.

That's exactly what i need to hear, thanks

Absa True...My Partner s a dicey one....I don't get the right guy..at times I feel maybe I don't deserve my life partner..why do I feel sabotaged and left behind.. pain and it tears me down...Help me out ,Matthew

Another red flag: when your partner uses your words against you all the time. My ex would bring up stuff I said in the past all the time to justify his current actions or to not apologize to me for what he did to me, Even after I have proven my self and how I changed and learned and grew from my past mistakes.

Hey ..Thanks for the video. And YES I tottaly was in tune with the weathering with you refrence. So yes its the person not the person its the video!. This is in refrence to a video you did with Jay Shetty.

Love ur videos, I'll get to know the suggestions and advices from ur videos which iam not getting to know from others

I was writing dangerously suicidal texts once and she started an argument over her being left on read once and said I was just doing it to make her worry. All in response to what I was going through.

My most recent ex could never apologize. It hurt so badly, and I was never able to forgive him for things he said because he refused to apologize.

Hey Matthew! You mention the "emotional dumping" that someone does in a relationship - could you make a video on ways to STOP doing that in a relationship? (or what is really the root issue when one starts doing this in a relationship?). Thank you for the videos; been watching for years and am a big fan

@pollackmorgan2194

2 жыл бұрын

Hello how are you doing hope you're safe??

@bigboibebop

2 жыл бұрын

I’d also be interested in that. I think it’s either an insecurity, trust or vulnerability issue. Your not comfortable with one of those three things and need to constantly reaffirm your partners validation of you. That’s just my interpretation, I’d love to hear Matt’s.

@57andstillkicking

2 жыл бұрын

It is manipulation and makes someone else responsible for your feelings.

@teresareid5034

Жыл бұрын

Hi Sarah I do the same and it could be something to do with trauma we either fight flight I can’t remember the other one sorry but I run away way to quickly because I feel threatened I may get hurt and I find it very hard to communicate my needs because they were never meant when I was a child

I agree with the women that says except me for who I am. I used to say that but realized I needed to change things about my self. Not because I an in a relationship. Which I am not. But I have learned a lot of my self being single.

Made to screenshot the red flags 🚩 list. These are valid points.

Thanks for this defo needed to brush up and remind myself of these things dx

Just ended a relationship with a girl that had anger problems. Said sorry and did it again. When I finally confronted her and said i do not like to be disrespected like that. I wouldn’t ever do that to her. She went crazy. Said all sorts of shit. And then said, I should learn to take a punishment. Smh! She wants to stay friends. Not to sure how I feel about that.

I agree with Matthew, thank you for this💖. Regarding the sorry, toxic people can say sorry, what matters is a heartfelt apology and taking responsibility, changing the behavior. Also, someone that never says thank you either and feels entitled. Consistency is crucial, someone that invalidates your feelings is toxic, calls you sensitive, minimizes, dismissiveness, they are reactive to criticism, the relationship is not reciprocal...

A close cousin of the not apologizing red flag is the Non-Apology. I will no longer tolerate anyone who pulls the "I'm sorry IF you felt that way" line on me. I just told you I felt that way, no IF about it. When people will not take responsibility for their own words or actions and try to make your experience of what they said or did the problem, it shows they have zero empathy for others. And that is not a person I want anywhere near me.

@osenijames5735

2 жыл бұрын

I know of a great spiritual man who can help you,his name is Dr Gabriel he can help you under 48 hours 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

@osenijames5735

2 жыл бұрын

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@osenijames5735

2 жыл бұрын

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@LaPinturaBella

2 жыл бұрын

@@osenijames5735 Pretty presumptuous to assume I need help. Ever hear about boundary busting?

Good information

Binging red flag videos and just saying yup yup yup the whole time. Not healthy but it’s where I’m at right now

Hi mat, could you do a video on attachment issues..? I find that I feel uncomfortable to detach or not see someone because he is not right for me. Because it feels funny after getting to know someone after a first date, exchanging nice friendly interactions and then not seeing them again. This makes me lead people on. I don't know if I make sense or if any other lady can connect with me on this..

I was really hard to say sorry,but I'm better at it now

To feel safe to be vulnerable. That’s it Matthew thanks 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@sirprize5191

2 жыл бұрын

I was writing dangerously suicidal texts once and she started an argument over her being left on read once and said I was just doing it to make her worry. All in response to what I was going through. Now I say holy shit, I lived that.