Reasons - U feel lonely & don't have many people to talk to, spend time with. Therefore, this person becomes the centre of your world cz he/she is the only one giving you a little bit of attention - Ure in touch with them all the time, hence habituated - U don't invest enough time & energy in your own goals & hobbies - U seek validation from others instead of being confident about what u bring to the table - They're (most probably) not reciprocating, so you end up chasing (and hurting) more. You're stuck in this loop & not determined enough to go no-contact - U fear letting go & embracing solitude, so you'd much rather hang on to pain that feels familiar (pls don't do this)

@user-vv1xg3sp5s

Күн бұрын

I can totally relate to this!

@iuk4280

Күн бұрын

This is so me! 😢 I have started working on myself.

@tatianag.1149

Күн бұрын

TOTALLY!

@FreshFlower1010

Күн бұрын

Aabhar 🙏

For me The worst thing is when you find a mentally healthy person but your anxiety makes you self-sabotage.😢

@thematthewhussey

18 сағат бұрын

You can work on this, inch by inch. Don’t give up hope. With the right tools, and the right person being compassionate and understanding to the healing you are doing, you can improve on the behaviors that have hurt you and self sabotaged in the past. Keep giving yourself compassion. And know that it can get better. We are all rooting for you!

@dayanavaronaborroto9136

17 сағат бұрын

Thanks u so much I am trying 🙏🙏🙏 is a hard journey

@ryeofoatmeal

17 сағат бұрын

anxiety is really the thief of joy and confidence :( I feel you buddy

This video saved me... I was about to fall into my old pattern over a guy I've met only for two weeks. I was getting sad when he doesn't text me back. But I know this "connection" does not warrant this kind of reaction. So I know it is my trauma response, from a fear of being abandoned again. Thank you Matthew for teaching me how to tap into my own inner child's voice. You have no idea how this would change the way that I think from now on!

@iremm6139

Күн бұрын

SAMEEE

@christinekohler8866

22 сағат бұрын

Omg! My same reality. You put it perfectly. Thank you for your response. Same exact for me. The abandonment issue. Totally!

@eleanorskylerchan3262

19 сағат бұрын

@@christinekohler8866 you're not alone! We're strong, and we're healing slowly but surely❤️

@thematthewhussey

18 сағат бұрын

This makes me so happy! Thank you for telling me. Keep going! ❤

@mayrelizcrespo7204

18 сағат бұрын

Literally feel the same way! This video just made not go off the deep end 🙏🏼

I have a history of putting the key to my happiness in someone else's pocket. I have just met someone after keeping myself single for the last 12 years because I was heartbroken. I wasn't heartbroken for 12 years, I hasten to add, but I kept myself "safe" for all those years. I'm in danger of repeating this old pattern, so I really needed this particular video today. Thank you Matthew.

@thematthewhussey

18 сағат бұрын

You’re so welcome ❤

Indeed Obsession is a bottomless ditch towards failure.😢

The right person will understand your anxiety and help you through it, not abuse it.

@tatianag.1149

Күн бұрын

Exactly!

@hoanghahp1986

Күн бұрын

Nope! Until he falls for you and commits to your relationship, he won’t do anything. You have to carry yourself until then. If successful, you’d think: then why I need him to take care of my anxiety? I should be able to take care of myself.

@thematthewhussey

18 сағат бұрын

I agree with this, so long as we do our part to show them we are committed to our progress, and not just using them as a crutch. ❤

Matthew, my man! What a video! Couldn’t have come in a better time. I’ve been going to this gym and a few weeks ago I noticed a girl that I was attracted to. Every so often we see each other there and say a quick hello. Yesterday was a big day for me, I was determined to get her number. I got there, saw her, we talked for a while and she was very friendly and seemed interested. I asked for her number and she said yes. Quick note, I had never in my life had done anything like that before so that alone was a big win for me! A few hours later when I got home and sent her a text and she hasn’t responded yet. First thing that comes to my mind is exactly what you covered in this video. “Oh, I must have said something wrong”, “I don’t think she likes me” and all of those thoughts. Watching this video made me realize how obsessed I am with this person that I don’t even really know yet! I feel like a did my part and I’m gonna move on and do other things like you said in the video. Thank you so much for that! PS.: I gifted your book to my sister and she’s absolutely loving it. I can’t wait to read it as well! Cheers from Brazil!

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

Congrats on the realization Lucas! That’s really great. And thank you for watching! Hope your sister enjoys the book! 🙏❤️

@lucasbittar

10 сағат бұрын

@@thematthewhussey thank YOU, man! I never thought you’d see or even reply to my comment in this sea of great comments! Really appreciate it. The story continues though. She did text me back but in a very friendly and distant way. Back at the gym she was talking about the new job she was starting today so I texted her saying good luck and stuff. She replied saying thanks and to tie everything in a pretty bow she ends the text with a hug. Which here in Brasil we say that between two guy friends. I guess the message is pretty clear. It’s funny how in person she seemed really interested and engaged in the conversation. Not really sure what to do now. I guess I’ll move on. I don’t think sending another text asking her out would be the right move here. Just wanted to share how the story ended. Thanks again for everything! Cheers!

Yes I do this! Then when the person I incorrectly attached to doesn't show interest, I try harder... The key is knowing that I and everyone else to give yourself the kindness you deserve. And that is hard sometimes when you are single and feeling a little lonely.

I was there before, while I have toxic relationships with a narcissist, I’m glad I have been through so I know how to be smart next time

I used to be this way. I think it’s because I didn’t feel whole and I was looking for someone to fill in the emptiness I felt. I decided to find myself and discover who I truly am. I have a new respect for myself now and if I never find someone I will be okay. Do I want a partner to share life with? Yes. Will I be fine if I don’t find someone? Yes.

@Tionaintown876

Күн бұрын

How did you go about finding yourself?

@samarraouf3534

Күн бұрын

I am the same way. It took a lot of work to reach this level of contentment. I'm 43 and I finally figured this out.

@priyankav9792

Күн бұрын

Mee too same...I will be fine if I don't get someone to share my life with...coz I came to know now I'm whole nd fulfilled nd need to continue the same..only I can complete myself as whole nd lifepartner is just an addition to it.

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

Love it

@ttsvetelinatsolova5194

10 сағат бұрын

What did you do? How did you find yourself? I am 48!!​@@samarraouf3534

Part of limerence...state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. I usually know that it's a hard crush that if, eventually, not reciprocated will be snapped out by icks. If reciprocated will be fed by breadcrumbs...

@sunflowerpower642

Күн бұрын

This all is becoming a bit of a wack job and lacking the mystery of faith in love and life’s outcomes. I’m not saying be wreckless and irresponsible but. How many of our parents and grandparents are married 50 + years bc of limerence and early obsession and just committing to and on building a life together aware of how they themselves may or may not change over time. Having all these predetermined self directed isms leaves no room for expanding life but by searching for someone who is okay with how unshakable you’ve already built your castle and can’t make a new one with you. If I’m so set in my ways I can only find someone who either is exactly like that or we still decide together to let some shit go and decide together.

@JanaOliveira19

Күн бұрын

@@sunflowerpower642 I agree... just saying this new age with "more options" and so many people lacking of intimacy sometimes is difficult to realize if its love for the other person or in love with the idea of someone. And after that fase ends we cant figure out how we got interested in first place as there was less in common that the divergences. Though is true in previous generations people will long wait and be more romantic in that wait...once again we cant separate that before women would married for financial security and men would married to have someone to take care of the house hold while they were working. A lot of people settle and regret. A lot of old folks stayed married cause they couldn't get divorce. Not everyone find they soul mate... not everyone realizes that they create an image of the other that are not the reality and their object of love will never turn to be what they want and/or need.

@al5068

Күн бұрын

@@JanaOliveira19I agree it is worth studying and looking into! It is in itself a fascinating study topic.

@Hesteforstanddk

4 сағат бұрын

You make it sound so easy. When I am obsessed with someone i cannot do what I like because I like nothing. Like everything that I use to love doing has lost its colours. I cannot just create a good life on my own because I already have one. I know very well what this is and I can even feel whether it is love or not. Yet still cannot take myself out of this sensation. Doing everything possible for a man who doesn't care. I have been to therapy for many years however it was not really helpful. I am getting better and now that I skipped therapy and looked for alternatives. Which i found in knowing release-techniques. At this old age of 54 i had quite a big breakthrough last week. I had met my first clear narc. Which a friend directed me to see. He was very manipulating right from the start and at times very nasty. Cold in his heart yet also very physically very attractive to me. BUT I ENDED IT BEFORE IT REALLY BEGAN. Even though he pushed all my buttons. But I SAW IT. And I ended it. But I was also in limerence for too many hours and days. I have had good partners where the sensation vanished completely after a while. So for me this empty, nagging sensation CAN go away.

I always have one person in my circle that I am obsessed with, thinking they are the person that can make me feel safe. I didn‘t experience safety in my childhood, it was an environment of arguments and pressure to perform. Anything the person says or does controls how I am feeling, if I have a bad day, and they say something nice, everything is great again. I also have a pattern of doing everything for them. This has been going on for years with various unavailable people so much so that I now am really hesitant to meet new people because I am afraid I will lose myself instantly once I start liking them.

@Neso-be2lj

Күн бұрын

I have a Girl in my social circle that likes Me very much...and I Like Her of course,but She's kinda play it cool while at the same time I can see how much I mean to Her and We have amazing connection and chemistry.Girls can be difficult.

The most difficult part is to balance out your anxious needs and actual healthy communication. Even when you recognized your anxious attachments and needs we often fall into their trap by either pushing them away or rather trying to not make them their problem and what needs actually need to be communicated. But, there’s hope. These anxiousnesses and needs and how to deal with them need to be trained. Recognizing them is merely the first step, how to deal with them, taking time to calm down and learning how they’re irrational in a healthy relationship takes time.

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

Well said!

I needed this , five years ago, it could have saved my life but it’s never too late to redirect

so true!! the anxiety reappears and transfers onto someone else 💯💥

This is where YOU gotta be happy enough! Because then you won't get into them too fast. ❤great book. 😊great talk. So important.

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

Nice!! Love to see the book learnings coming through in these comments!

I have been on a journey about this for a bit now, and all you talked about was spot on. Made a lot of sense, but what really hit me the most that I hadn’t thought about before, was your party analogy. Being willing to take just about anyone to provide a sense of comfort, and when we find ourselves so desperate to have that void fulfilled, that we lower any and every standard, and take anything or anyone. That’s a disaster. Because obviously it doesn’t come from a healthy place, and as you said that is exactly when toxic people (love bombers, narcissists etc) are welcomed with wide open arms into our lives.

OK, Matthew and team, this couldn’t have been timed better. I will try to share more in the community, but this happened to me over the weekend. I just “pulled the plug” on a potential hookup. So, I didn’t really lose anything major and my “anxiety” made me realise that I actually want connection.

@Magamomma22245

Күн бұрын

Hook ups are DEAD end and very damaging. Plz stop. Know your worth, raise your price 🙏

@isabelitaruizVO

Күн бұрын

@@Magamomma22245 Thank you. I was conscious enough going into this "relationship" but I got to discover that I do value way more a connection and myself.

This video couldn’t have come at a better time. I have experienced exactly this over the past two weeks. Met a woman where it felt as though we hit it off from the start, but she has a lot going on and she told me this. We went on a date and it was great and these anxious rumination thoughts started going through my head. Communication dropped off completely from her side after the date. I’ve beaten myself up about it of what I’ve done wrong, whereas taking a step back it’s a timing thing. I bought my best self to the date and the right one will come along. The Peter Pan analogy in the last chapter of your book is a very powerful one relating to this.

Yes all of this! Wow. I just learned so much about why I’m in this pattern. I can feel that it isn’t the right place to be, but because I couldn’t articulate it, I didn’t know how to move away from it. Now I understand how to move away from it, and I’ll be doing that today. Thank you so much.

@serenenana8821

Күн бұрын

Same here, everything you said! Good luck to you

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

Amazing Melodie!

Omg I needed to hear that, that's me... thankyou so much...I'm saving it so I can listen to it each time I feel that way.. I've been hurt in the past and I always feel alone and then someone comes along and I feel all of that 😅. Thankyou again x

Ok, wow. I think this is my biggest problem overall in life, I tend to ruin everything else by disappointing myself with these stories I make up in my mind and I know that. And today I was feeling really down and thought to myself that it would be a good idea to listen to Matthew talk some sense into me and I arrive at your channel. This video was just uploaded under an hour ago. Damn, what a timing.

@Irualdemon

Күн бұрын

Watching this really helped my mood and made me tear up. Thanks.

@Tionaintown876

Күн бұрын

@@IrualdemonMathew is an incredible gift we are all blessed with 🩷

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

So happy it came at an important moment for you ❤

I have a major fear of ending up alone in life. Recently just got broken up with and it’s completely my fault because I got too anxious and became too much and that’s not me. And I know it’s not me but for some reason I can’t help the self sabotaging I do when I am overwhelmed with those feelings. I just recently discovered you and everything you talk about has helped so much in discovering what I’m dealing with and I just appreciate it more than you know. I just hope I can apply all these tips so I don’t keep ruining relationships.

This was quite validating, thank you. I can easily obsessively ruminate which causes me to attract narcissists and love bombers. I am aware and I work on it, and I’m happy to say I’ve gotten so much better at not letting this happen🙏

Matthew, from the bottom of my heart thank you so much for what you do. Whenever you upload something, I look for a safe space to sit down with my headphones and imagine that you’re talking to me directly. I guess that I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, although I’m not sure, but you don’t know how very much you have helped me throughout all these years. Blessings to you.

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

Thank you so much for telling me!

You released the video a few hours ago. This is what I have been feeling for quite some time, and I couldn't detach myself from the anxiety. I have a lot of internal anxiety within be regarding literally everything. Journalling helps me to handle certain situations when it becomes too much to handle, but I keep falling back into this feeling about literally everything. I want to fix this. Matthew Hussey, thank you, I've been following your videos for some time now, but this one really spoke to me.

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

🙌❤️🙏

I’m so sorry for your pain. The emotional crisis life puts you through is horrendous. As an avoidant myself, I can share this: you learn to rely on yourself so much that you just feel frustrated at yourself for not being able to let go and just ask for help. You just lie to yourself and everyone around you about being okay, but inside is this storm of negative-painful-harmful emotions and self-hate. Avoidants are people-pleasers, their words mean nothing, and that's why their words don't match their actions; hours of conversation and then the next day they are a completely different person. They only think about themselves. Healthy relationship becomes impossible. Please, journal your emotions and thoughts, take long walks, watch these videos, and remember it was never about you. Choose Peace. Forgive and release. Maybe even be grateful. He helped activate emotions that your soul no longer wants to carry. He activated them. That's the gift. It's your opportunity to release them. That's the magic. Sometimes, the poison IS the medicine (homeopathy). He helped you to purify you. Life is just a play out of our emotions, and really, a gift... For purification, for release, for ascension.

Thank you so much for this video! I cover up my lifelong anxiety pretty well to OTHERS - I have learned to overcompensate by being ‘over-involved’ with other people & being the valuable ‘gett’er done’ gal. But the underlying anxiety has always been there - and I never REALLY noticed it until recently.

This does happen with me. For me I keep watching tarot love readings on youtube ( which are on nonstop supply) to 'know' what they might be thinking, their next move, their feelings...etc. this wastes my time and I spend days in this manner, neglecting every thing else which.might be imp or immediate. This video spoke to me. Thank you .

People who are OBSESSED to visit comment section...😅

I feel this way to some extent about every one I interact with... I go to a Dr or dentist I like and the first thing I do is hope they don't die.... The video explains a lot about my anxiety

The anxiety won’t just follow you from person to person. It will follow you in each stage of the relationship with the same person. Bro that is a wild idea! Love the awareness you shed on that fundamental.

Yes, adopted with abandonment issues. This has carried with me my whole life. I’m 54 now and still happening even 3 weeks ago with a romantic connection when he disappeared. My close friends, if they don’t call or text me back even in- laws and family. I always labeled it “ rejection” like I hate and cannot take rejection. But even doctors have tuned into my deep rooted anxiety. Thank you Matt. I am now going to self research how to attempt to heal this within myself. Altleast I have the root cause now. My eyes have been opened. So I can bring this to the forefront of my mind and think on more realistic terms. Oh, I also just thought it was OCD not the compulsion of action, but the obsessive thoughts. Such good information here I really needed to hear. 😊

What a gift you have to give all of these feelings most of us experience the proper perspective ❤ I feel like I've been fixed somehow after watching this lol

I never commented a YT video in my life but this hit me spot on! 🙏 I been single for over 10 years and had anxious attachment. I get obsessed immediately when I like someone, freak out, get my heart broken by love bombers etc etc. It’s such a relief to know that I am not weird and alone in this. It’s a real struggle to carry this anxiety, I am a highly functioning person in other areas in life but I kind of shut down the door for love so I don’t need to carry the anxiety, it’s sad. I wanted to cry in the end because it was so beautiful the part about taking care of your inner child. You are amazing Matthew, thank you for this 🥰

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. It means so much. I’m honored to be the only video you’ve ever commented on!

I do get obssessed... super anxious. Thank you so so so much from the bottom of my heart for this video Matthew. I needed to ear all the things you said. I wish you all the best!

You are truly just so awesome Matthew thank you for being you and out there for so many .. I’m a 60 year old struggling anxious attacher with a painfully broken heart …. for now it’s KZread for me and maybe your book .. I wish I lived in Florida!

This video hit the mark, I have been slipping into some of this myself, even tho my partner has said we are together and exclusive we will live together next month. Long distance relationships provoke this rumination for me. it is my inner child anxiety totally!! I realize it’s me & not them my anxiety, the steps to break the cycle .. priceless. I will practice them and overcome and comfort that woman within who’s needing reciprocity, validation of love & reassurance safety. Life’s traumas from past toxic relationships.. was also a brilliant point I have had this happen .. but now I know what brought the exhusband my way. The deep wound within us both , I didn’t see it .. he did and I was the target . Shame on me.. the blind woman doesn’t see with rose colored glasses. I now will create the safe home to live in & practice the techniques. Please also go deeper on the how to..

Childhood and deep fears of rejection and abandonment are partly at core and internal terror of not finding anyone else.

And when I don't feel or show anxiety, men tell me that they think I don't care or need them😂😂

I’ve been reading on limerence and it’s been incredibly enlightening. This video describes this obsession very well!

So well said! Love the message around not wanting to feel awkward and trying to find external gratification. Thank you

You always teach us something much more incredible then incredible itself.

I am a 53 year old woman,this hit me. I got married very young and it was not a healthy relationship. So I walked away many years ago, but I'm getting frustrated about the anxiety I feel when I like someone, and sometimes I think "something must be wrong with me" watching your video gives me hope. Thank you, Matthew 🙏💖

I have been going through this EXACT scenario this week. Many times I feel drawn to these videos at just the right time in my new relationship. Matthew you are spot on with explanation, compassion and insight. Thankyou

It's overwhemling what you are able to explain in 20 minutes! Love your channel. Hugs & thank you!

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

Wow, thank you!

I will watch this video over and over. I can't express how perfect the timing is for me to see this. I'm currently at the peak of this anxiety and only very recently started to name it as what it is, weirdly. This video is so healing, elixir power, truly. I'm glad I'm at a point in my life where my heart truly hears what's being said here. I've been a long time follower Matthew and you really make a difference with the work you do. Thank you, I'm very grateful 💖

Matthew, this video is a gem. You beautifully explore & describe these needs & anxieties and how to extricate ourselves and create our own safety, "home," & emotional intelligence. Thank you so very much for your good works.

Thank you so much for this video Matthew. It unpacks every little single thing that I’ve gone through in dating (and even friendships!) throughout my entire life in a way I’ve never been able to think of before. The anxiety really does carry on from target to target, and throughout the stages with each person, so it’s so nice to finally know it really truly is not the target, in and of itself. The need has to be met within myself. ❤❤

I started crying watching this. I have been through a lot of abuse and this now describes me down to a tea. I've recently just had my heart broken again after the anxiety of they don't like me as much which turned out true but I'm now taking a break from trying to find my home in someone else but finding that safe home in myself. Thankyou for the video and to help validate and help me recognise a pattern I have.

Oh my gosh, this really hit home for me. I totally thought I was a secure person until I got into a relationship with an avoidant who love bombed me then withdrew and kept me at arms length which made me feel unsafe and anxious about things. Matthew thank you for this video and the tips to help with this. Never again do I want to become so obsessed and invest so much just out or fear of losing them then they become my whole world and then they just discard me like I didn’t even matter.

"Create a safe home within yourself" Can't agree more. That's the thing I'm working on ❤ I grew up in an insecure environment and my inside world got even worse after I moved abroad. Now I do my private project, paint, cook, walk my cats, workout, make videos etc. Just filling myself with self love. Thank you for this amazing video Matthew 🤗

Congratulations on the book! I've been listening to it as an audiobook and absolutely loved it!

Amazing advice, amazing timing! Been seeing a very nice person lately but every now and then I catch myself obsessing over little details, getting really anxious about future and holding on to the idea of us ending up together as if it's my last resort. Thank you for putting things into perspective. I'll keep enjoying the company of this person and see where it leads, but if it didn't last, I won't die!

Thank you for helping me reframe a self-sabotaging posture! I’ve been seeking this insight for nearly a year and today I found it. It’s the best work you’ve done that I’ve heard from you so far, keep it coming you save lives. May God continue to bless you to do so.

thank you Matthew! it's great to know I'm not the only one person with this dating anxiety. now it will be aesier to remind myself that it's okay to want to be loved but it's also important to create a safe home within myself. huge hugs.

My girlfriend left me for a second time over a 5 year period. I never give up on her because I know “she’s the one”, because no obstacle could make me give up on her. But you made me realize she can’t be “the one” because 2 times now, an obstacle for her was bigger than her desire to continue our relationship and future together. No other video has made me see as clearly as yours do and I’m really thankful for your help. And this video sounds like me as well which has given me more to work on, and I’m definitely working on myself alone, no relationship needed. Unless it’s with myself lol

@thematthewhussey

14 сағат бұрын

🙏❤

yes yes yes Thanks for boiling down all the complicated feeling confusion...into a simple framework that feels manageable.

BRAVO!!! Well-conveyed message! Thank you Matthew!!! I love that you incorporated "The Loving Inner Parent" talking to "Wounded Inner Child."

I love that with each video there's more plants in the background. Audrey doing amazing work! :D

its been 4 months and this is getting very strong now , its literally me thank you for the video

I am so appreciative of this message! Once you said you felt like this before with somebody this is your anxiety talking. I now know I need to work on my anxiety and my nervous system! I can never thank you enough for me and you and helping all of us navigate our relationships in the hard, fun, exciting crazy life!

Dear Matthew, I just want to say you are amazing. I truly thank you for making this video and doing what you do everyday to help others learn and realize how to heal, improve and love themselves, their loves one and people around them ❤️

beautifully said, the important person is me and no one else.

I have had this issue since i was a teenager. I think its also known as limerance . It takes a lot of awareness to stay grounded and in my case im either a bit obsessed or avoidant of relationships. Hoping i can find a new normal next time i date and be more balanced. Thank you so much for your videos. Very helpful. ❤

If you have found this video because you did or said something stupid and scared someone away, you're going in the right direction. You were in a state where your subconscious was at the controls. I am four weeks separated from realizing what was happening to me (could have used this video then!), and my anxiety has healed tremendously now that I am aware when my body goes into that state. Knowing the problem is most of the solution to solving it in this case. There's hope!

The timing is wild. Don’t even think I knew of this guy before tonight. And his latest video is my current problem. A very extreme current problem of mine. Thanks man.

You've been speaking to me directly. I was going through this my entire life. Sabotaging relationships when my needs weren't met. Latest story was this major crush on my yoga teacher who was using a lot of touching during workouts (my love language), plus saying all the right things to get me addicted. But thanks to Therapy and my choice to change I've noticed something was off. But you gave a practical manual here. And I'm so grateful. "I won't ruminate about this person, instead I'd rather go and do something" I feel more healed, and I needed to hear what you had to say in this video. Now gonna share it with my friends 😊

Anxious renumeration. That's me adding that too my toolbox. Thank you

I loved how you talked about the anxiety following you or staying dormant until the next time around, that even if you are actually in a relationship, it transfers to what if they die. I was the perfect candidate to attract someone falsly fulfilling these anxieties and we were married for 24 years until we both realized it was dysfunctional. I'm in the process of creating a safe haven within right now and am deeply grateful for your words as they validate my efforts. I will allow someone else in once I have a safe and happy home within.

Brilliant - I think it applies to new triggers that come up as your dating after the early days. I recently spoke to myself this way when I realized I was placing my anxiety on a situation. I also told my partner, which took courage. Things come up to come out, and life is an ongoing process!

Thanks Matthew, this video really spoke to me. Anxiety as soon as I’ve met someone has been a real challenge for me. I’ve been working on it for a while and your advice has been the most helpful out there. Last time I met someone attractive and found myself hoping there might be some mutual interest, I found myself thinking “I’ll be ok whatever happens” and that felt like a breakthrough. I attribute that to your advice, so thank you. More work to do but I’m seeing progress! 🙏

For me, this is the best relationship advice I’ve ever heard. Thank you🙌🏼

Best video I’ve seen from you Mathew! Bringing in attachment therory has really deepened your work. Thanks for delivering in such a gentle way we can receive. Well said.

Oh my. This video is so good. So much help, packed into 22 minutes. Truly. I've had two relationships that brought out so much anxiety in me, and I became obsessed with learning about limerence, attachment styles, and just trying to differentiate between limerence, infatuation, and real love. I'm currently dating a guy that I really like, and I am so aware of the potential for me to arrive at anxiousness, and I have recorded past triggers for anxiety, down to how my physical body feels. If it feels bad, it is definitely anxiety based. The other day I had a thought that caused me to spiral into thinking he doesn't actually like me. I had a whole scenario in my mind about it.. and I started to get anxious. So I said to myself, "So, what is the worst that could happen if he decided right now, that he didn't like you?" Oh, you'd feel sad and depressed? Yes? You get have been sad and depressed over boys before and you survived? Okay. Well. You'll have some extra free time that you aren't spending with a boy now? What will you do with that free time? Oh.. write. Make art. Garden. Exercise. Read books. Socialize with your other friends. Now there is a space for someone new, someone more suitable. You don't want to keep someone around who doesn't like you, right? I talked myself into a really good work out, did some cooking, and realized that the only person that should matter that might abandon me, is me. I won't ever abandon me. I have so many great things I do in my life and knowing another human to enjoy it with is a bonus. So, yeah. I continue to read and listen to content like this as a reminder to keep working on myself. Your content has been great. Truly helpful. Thank you.

Matthew, you opened me up to realize I am an anxious person in relationships. I saved this video and will listen to it often to remind me. Thank you❤

I like the way you portray anxiety and give example on how to talk to yourself. Really want to buy your book!

Keep delivering Matthew 🎉🎉🎉

already watched this twice. THANK YOU. this one was REALLY helpful

I definitely needed this video. Please post more because this was absolutely positively one of the most helpful videos I’ve seen in a while! I am already sharing it with my friends.

This was very insightful, and definitely something I've done a few times over the past years without understanding why

Exactly what I needed. This is me 😭 I love the idea to create a safe home within yourself 💕🙏🏽🙏🏽

Bruh......you have a gift! This video was for me. Thank you!

your videos are so helpful matthew! i have learnt more about my struggles and ways to cope with them from you than my own therapist.

This was one of your best videos Matthew. I’ve realized this is the pattern I get myself into when dating and this is going to help me so much. Thank you thank you!

This was good! I am all of this! I will definitely be working on my anxious rumination.

Wow Matthew!! I never leave comments and I just had to reach out and let you know how much I enjoyed this episode. It was incredibly powerful and insightful. I truly appreciate the knowledge and perspective you shared here. You've really been on fire since the release of your book, and I must say, you're absolutely brilliant!

More videos like this. You are a healer. Best Teacher I have ever experienced for real. Cannot thank you enough Matt. Good bless you. 🙏

This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you! NOW, to make sure I practice what I have learned.😊

Ah interesting, I would not associate feeling « obsessed » with « being anxious because he doesn’t write ». There’s obsession, and there’s anxiety. Obsession to me is : thinking about them a lot, trying to find out as much as possible about what they like and their social media etc, and this obsession can feel « reciprocated » if the guy shows (even a little) interest. But I never felt any anxiety with it. Just that I realize I was probably more attracted/interested than the guy was and made it last longer than it should have been

Thank youuuu, such a relief hearing those wise words ❤

This is so helpful! I'm ruminating right now. This creates the perfect pause for thought. I knew i had anxiety but never associated that with dating too. Thank you Matthew! Much love from Las Vegas ❤ a Love Life Member!

I need you to validate and reassure how much you love me in the exact way, and the exact amount, that I - the one with anxiety - dictate. Bro you are a god at this! What? Who are you?

This is a pure spiritual path , you are doing great job❤

This is my first time ever listening to your video, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I saw myself in every sentence that you spoke about.

Amazing...Thankyou for helping me understand deeply about my patterns in relationships. Loved it.

I needed this 🙏 going through this exact problem caused by previous toxic relationship. Made the first step to speak with therapist.

A very nice article that puts a good perspective on hopes and obsessions which can also be applied to so many other parts of our lives. Thank you

Thank you so much for this, Matthew - I thought that was just how dating is… turns out, it can be more chill and enjoyable. Liberating stuff indeed… 🌺

There are about 8 billion people in the world. I have to believe that there must be better people out there, they are not the only ones.