Geez, the people coming to the house thing. I feel like my house is an extension of myself, and someone coming up to the door is like a complete stranger manifesting themselves right in my face without prior warning.

@ryanmackenzie6109

5 ай бұрын

Holy shit this phrasing is immaculate

@lovisaricks9168

29 күн бұрын

I agree with most of these. I do like people coming by, not as much unannounced.

@angelasanchez4413

25 күн бұрын

I get furious

@batintheattic7293

24 күн бұрын

Another really good reason for sleeping through the beast's breakfast time (it seems to be the mornings when peak grifting manifests) and for wearing noise cancelling headphones when not asleep. If it can't get me it can't grift me. Unless the beast is riving at the door between tracks - it goes unremarked. I apologise to those cousins and friends that I may actually enjoy the society of - but if I haven't been awake, and probably fretting and thinking about how to cancel, for many hours, nobody's door knocking is getting through to me. It has to be this way. I don't get furious like Angela, when my shell is attacked, but if I know about it I can absolutely detect (for days afterwards) in my psychology that it has happened. I imagine I have a rechargeable battery to run on. Certain things deplete it faster than others. Certain things, like human interaction, actively damage it so that it takes longer to recharge. Also, I can tell from the knock what the mindset of the knocker is. I do not enjoy pondering what made somebody so angry with me. Headphones. Message to burglars: Just because your investigative knock goes unanswered - you will never be in more danger than when an autistic woman looks up to see you are inside her house. You could have a crowbar in your hand - but you've triggered a nuclear event and I don't fancy yours much. Things are probably not going to play out the way you think they should. And to the non autistic non burglars - you're allowed to thank us for subverting the paradigm that the person inside the house must always answer the knock on the door - because now the burglars know trepidation. They, unless they are complete idiots, will know that it's not the automatic green light when that unanswered knock seems to imply that there is nobody home.

@Jayartosaurus

22 күн бұрын

i genuinly feel like rage when it happens like ive been interuppted during something even if i was just existing

When I get an unexpected knock on the door, it's like a shock to my nervous system. My heart skips a beat, I get shaky, and feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. Unexpected phone calls are better but not by much.

@Tiffany-Rose

22 күн бұрын

full blown panic mode 😫😫😅😅

@BrickNewton

20 күн бұрын

Front door or phone (I don't get many of either). Also I like to lock the gate sometimes just so I know I'm safe from disturbance.

@MamaDisco1313

18 күн бұрын

I haven’t answered my door to an unexpected visitor in 10 years. It’s just easier for me to NOT answer

@SharkSandwichtornado

13 күн бұрын

My dad who is also an audhder often forgets how much it scares the crap out of me when he knocks my door too hard so we both get a little bit of a spook when he knocks because I often make a noise of some indescribable creature 😂

In the future when I have my own home, I plan on having a sign that says something akin to “If we haven’t discussed your visit/you haven’t called ahead, I will not answer your knock,” or just straight up, “If we haven’t discussed your visit, don’t knock,” because I can’t stand people showing up unannounced 😂

@spike315

20 күн бұрын

A No Soliciting sign does a lot of that

@BrickNewton

20 күн бұрын

No appointment no see

@wisecoconut5

20 күн бұрын

There is a house in my neighborhood with a 4 foot vertical sign that reads, "Go away." Mad respect!

@Gorgonzeye

16 күн бұрын

Mine says, "Hippity hoppity, get off my property!"

@crystalclear6864

12 күн бұрын

Not a bad idea!

No surprises... is the reason why I don't tell people my birthday. I absolutely cannot stand the attention if I'm not prepared for it.

@SmallSpoonBrigade

25 күн бұрын

I thought I was the only one. I hate having a birthday celebration at work, I'll have a little one at home with family, but that's it. Not only is it a lot of attention, but it's also a lot of stimulation and I'm then expected to remember other people's birthdays and what level or recognition I'm supposed to give it.

@Head0fTheHerd

24 күн бұрын

When people ask when my birthday is, I always say "sometime next year" 😅

@dickottel

22 күн бұрын

I only brought some candy on one of my birthdays at work. That year I was working with my crush and was hoping for a hug... that didn't happen 😂

@BrickNewton

20 күн бұрын

Arrghhh this!!!!! I try to take the day off if possible, but my last job they would schedule a morning tea and we would all sit down and talk (about 5 or 6 different conversations at once! Too much to handle) then the Birthday card and song.

@ChelleLlewes

17 күн бұрын

I thought I was the only one who doesn't tell anyone when my birthday is! I loathe being the center of attention unless it's MY idea! And I NEVER get that idea! 😊

I don't forget to shower or change clothes, I decide not to. Minimizes laundry after all. But, if I can smell something, or something itches, or I spill something on my clothes and I plan to go out, I change my clothes. When I got a dog to be my life coach, he made sure that I stopped work for lunch, for his walks, and changed my life.

@highkingcctv409

20 күн бұрын

Caring for a dog does make a big difference, do you work from home?

@caroljones3924

19 күн бұрын

I'm guardian to a dog 🐺 and He is my life coach aswell He is also my Buddy and smoothing him really helps when in meltdown and the eating and drinking He is an amazing Support to me 🐺❤️

@dogsofcorn

16 күн бұрын

i relate to that. i've been getting more exercise since i got a dog. plus i shower more often now, since the dog smell is more noticeable than my own body odour

@joelpaultre7440

12 күн бұрын

Honestly I can relate. If I don't leave the house for a day I'm not making myself presentable.

"Meltdowns are not the same as temper tantrums." Thank you for saying this. This is the hardest thing for me to communicate with others who don't understand.

@the.masked.one.studio4899

24 күн бұрын

YES!!! Getting my daughter diagnosed as a young child was so hard because of this. I’m also so scared of my meltdowns because if a non autistic person does the same it’s labeled as HORRIFYING/manipulative/terror inducing. Sometimes I need to yell and figuring out how to tap into that feeling and turn it into something more positive (we do singing and barking), but sometimes I just don’t have the mental power to redirect myself.

@jeanelarson

24 күн бұрын

@@the.masked.one.studio4899 SO RELATABLE. I was trying to explain a meltdown I had in IKEA early-pandemic and was met with "We all have our Karen moments!" Really, not the same. Panic attack, blurred vision, desperation to get out of the store. I was loud and disruptive, and also embarrassed, unrestrained, scared. I got stares as I climbed over the blockades and all I could think was, "I might die if I can't get through that door." It was horrendous.

@bunnyboo6295

24 күн бұрын

@@jeanelarson Wow I had similar experience during pandemic

@enolp

23 күн бұрын

My mom had a really hard time explaining my situation to my siblings because they would see me crying and my mom coming to help me and as far as they were concerned, if I cried I got whatever I wanted. Keep in mind that at this point I was 20 years old. I got so self conscious about my stress-response tears that I started to try to hide them whenever I could, because even though I needed support I couldn’t stand the thought that my siblings would think of it like me just trying to get what I want. Luckily they understand now that it’s because I’m autistic and the reason that happens is because it’s my response to overwhelm and often lack of being able to get my needs met

@bunnyboo6295

23 күн бұрын

@@enolp wow good mom. I don't even respond to my own needs because I had to learn you can't get them unless others also need the same thing at same time. You learn life is just painful others can do it so you must pull through any pain. But in your cause if you were thirsty your mom allowed you to have a drink

The meltdown stuff is hard to talk about especially if you have shame around not being stronger and had pressure on you as a kid to be perfect.

Hi again. The hating to have people show up at the house thing is HUGE for me. I HATE it. Part of WHY I'm a hermit: nobody comes here especially not in winter.

I so appreciate the "no music" option.

When I first self diagnosed, I thought I only had shutdowns (internal meltdowns). But then as I slowly re-remembered my life there were ah ha moments. Like the time I flung all the ceramic sandwich plates into a cement wall…

@Eeeemomo

26 күн бұрын

Hmm I’m remembering the time I flipped the scrabble board while playing with my dad and grandma because my grandma put a word in the place where I was planning on putting a word for the entire game 🤔

@megchulufas4172

26 күн бұрын

Same experience here. I can recall more than a few meltdowns, although I’m in my 60’s, and I don’t think I’ve had one for a long while. I’ve been changing my life to be less stressful for the past 10 years, and that might be the difference. I also relate to the issue with understanding abstract concepts. I’ve run into this more than a few times, too.

@sirrtumnus

24 күн бұрын

I remember me going through the alley way of my server job and just chucking tubs of butter at the wall and slamming metal pans into the floor. All the signs seem glaringly obvious in hindsight.

@unluckyomens370

21 күн бұрын

I used to call my meltdowns panic attacks. They were not caused by panic and id claw and my neck and arms or pull my hair. I also do this like “humming” thing its like a scream but I “mute” it in my throat and dont open my mouth

I never feel lonely when left alone. I prefer it that way.

Meltdowns are the most complicated thing to understand as a non autistic mom. I always said to my son: it’s over now, so let’s move on. Now I understand why he can’t, not immediately after. I am learning more about autism from you and Orion Kelly than in 20 years of visiting therapists… Thank you for your honesty and openness. I love your sense of humor. ❤️🇳🇱

@ChrisandDebby

21 күн бұрын

Thanks for the kind words. How old is your son? We are currently making a lot of content specifically on meltdowns- being proactive to minimize them, what to do during one, and how to assist in the recovery process afterwards. We are really really happy our content is helping you and your family.

@user-gd3ln4dj1c

21 күн бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby my son is 25 almost 26 now. I lost so much time looking for the right info. Therapists always think from the “normal” perspective. They feel the autistic person has to adapt, and “normal” people don’t.

I didn't know these were secrets. I guess I just don't have anyone to talk to about them but it appears they are all true for me. For example, my 'special buddy' is Rufus, a stuffed bulldog I've had for over 40 years. I feel better when he's near, or at least I know where he is. I take him with me to the doctor to smell for comfort, especially when I know there's going to be needles involved. My meltdowns are HORRIBLE like nuclear explosions. I absolutely HATE surprises. I do forget to eat, so I carry around a huge box of BOOST chocolate drinks in my car (I'm still surprised to see people at restaurants at anytime of the day, sitting down and eating) in case I'm feeling light headed. I used to forget to shower but now I go to the gym EVERYDAY and my routine includes a shower before I leave. I do wear the same clothes for many, many, many days at a time. I wish I was a NUN or a JEDI so that it wouldn't seem strange that I do. Although I do feel misunderstood, I have my scripts and I still study movie and television show dialogues. That's because if I don't recognize what type of conversation I am/will be engaging in, or am quick enough to patch an impromptu together, I just won't say anything at all. I do a lot of nodding and do often just physically remove myself from a situation. So, thank you for this and all the videos you post. They do help me feel less alone. I consider them to be public services🙏

I realized last year that I don't really understand the future very well. I understand that the future exists, but I understand that things will happen, unless they won't and it's not always clear whether it's something that happens in a few minutes or possibly in many years.

@batintheattic7293

24 күн бұрын

It's the best of addresses, though - the dim and distant future. Many of us spend more time here than we are comfortable talking about. And yet we stubbornly refuse to put it on our letterheads. I like never never land. I will only be leaving it in a body bag.

I think "abstract" wasn't the best term for point 3. I think autistic people tend to be ESPECIALLY good at understanding abstract concepts, such as what molecules are, why they interact in the ways they do and the properties of the elements they consist of and such. Basically, sciences like chemistry, physics and maths seem to often be understood much more easily by autistic people, as they are known to be drawn to logical systems. Those sciences are abstract, because they deal with models of minute parts of our universe, that we can never directly observe, so intuition is basically out the window for these subjects. A more fitting word might have been "imprecision" or "ambiguity". Autistic people tend to struggle with any ambiguous statement, because they try to deduce its meaning and hit a wall when the meaning isn't deducible and could be any of multiple possibilities. Neurotypicals seem not to think about these possible meanings too much, instead just going with whatever meaning first popped into their head. But hey, I might not be autistic. Maybe it's just ADHD on its own

@Tiffany-Rose

22 күн бұрын

I'm ADHD and Autistic and can say that I am definitely not drawn to or understand math, science and tech stuff more easily. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

@frohnatur9806

22 күн бұрын

@@Tiffany-Rose but something else logical or "systemized"?

@ChelleLlewes

21 күн бұрын

I agree. I am extremely adept at pattern recognition, but I suck at math because I have a little problem with discalcula. Numbers in general don't make much sense to me, and I can never remember a phone number, so I don't even bother having a phone. Obviously, I can't do a sudoku puzzle. But I can do the Saturday New York Times. In ink. And I have been told I'm a walking thesaurus. So there's that. 😉😇 Even on the spectrum, we are all unique in our abilities, tolerances, and avoidances. I really hate it when our individualities are forcibly subsumed into what is being called a, "community," and the assumptions become that we are all alike. And just one final little plea: I'm not a, "person with autism." I am an autistic person. Person-first is demeaning because it implies that I could be, "without autism," if only I really really tried! It victimizes the autist.

@AdirahMiryam

19 күн бұрын

I agree with you. I think imprecision and ambiguity are much better words. I often find it challenging to interpret the true meaning behind vague statements made by others.

@frohnatur9806

18 күн бұрын

@@ChelleLlewes I agree with saying "autistic person" over "person with autism". The latter just plays into the hands of pseudo autism help organizations like Autism Speaks, that just want to get rid of autism so that neurotypicals won't have to deal with them, which is one step away from getting rid of autistic people themselves, aka eugenics. But I re-read all comments up to yours, and I didn't see anyone writing of "people with autism". Maybe I missed it

Thank you for the music-free version.

@pamelars7497

25 күн бұрын

What is the purpose of music in videos anyway? Does anyone know how that became a thing?

@batintheattic7293

24 күн бұрын

@@pamelars7497 I think it's because uploaders watch each other's content and conclude that there must be a musical accompaniment to finish the piece properly. In many cases it's just not true. Now people are being post ironic with the most irritating presentations of 'musac' and I need them to stop it. It doesn't get less annoying just because it's now tongue in cheek.

@TheLexikitty

23 күн бұрын

@@pamelars7497 Random reply I know, but for me music can add or subtract from the video’s point, and sometimes people do really good things with music that almost create a score-like effect or lead to humor or drama being added. But in general, statistics-wise, it keeps NT people around longer and thus improves the video’s reach.

@TheLexikitty

23 күн бұрын

@@pamelars7497 I am also biased here, as I did go to college for violin performance

@pamelars7497

23 күн бұрын

@@TheLexikitty that seems a bias to follow without questions 😊

Love this! And thanks for the no music version. Makes it easier to concentrate 🙂

@lisasommerlad1337

Ай бұрын

So much better!

When ups or FedEx pull into the driveway I go into defcon 1 and hide so they don't think I'm home...

@darbydelane4588

5 ай бұрын

When ANYone pulls up to my house I hide!🤣

@assimilateborg

5 ай бұрын

Luckily we have those delivery box stations so I can send everything there and I just get a notification that something arrived.

@tracirex

Ай бұрын

my husband and I both hide when someone comes to the door even if they've already seen us

@barbaradoye1989

29 күн бұрын

With me it invokes a walk of shame... followed by awkward short conversation... followed by another walk of shame but this time... double the shame. I skittle inside the door like a mouse. I've learned to just do it or get wet packages! It is what it is. Luckily, my mail lady is very, very kind with a very warm smile. It makes a big difference! Take care everyone! Remember, you are NEVER alone and you have a community to lean on!😀

@love-if7wt

27 күн бұрын

Me toooooo 😂

I don't have buddies, but my meltdowns I had to talk about, as some happened when I was with friends (who did not know about my autism). And I go for a walk, usually not being aware. I find myself somewhere one hour later and have to walk the whole way back (if there's no bus). I'm living alone, luckily not missing meals and showers. It's a strict routine. Basically daily planning for these things. And diarrhea strongly correlates with stress/out of normal situations.

I have severe IBS, and the only thing that I have found that helps it is a gluten free diet. I used to think that there is no way that gluten would cause so many issues, but I can honestly say that it’s been the best it’s been in 20 years.

@ChrisandDebby

5 ай бұрын

I’m noticing this with my diet. Once I eat gluten, I start coughing and it isn’t long before I’m hanging onto the toilet for dear life. I’ve basically cut out gluten completely, but it’s harder when I’m back in Taipei.

@deathtouchltd

5 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby I know the struggle well. It’s hard at first to believe that you can cut out gluten for your lifetime but once I really learned what to look for, it’s not too bad.

@bevodonnell1191

13 күн бұрын

Yes

@robtooley4002

4 күн бұрын

I'm the same. One other thing that helped a little is probiotics. Not cured but it helps.

@deathtouchltd

4 күн бұрын

@@robtooley4002 What brand?

Woah... uh... Got to the feeling misunderstood part and, although I'm right on board with other things mentioned and find them helpful in better being able to articulate things for myself, I ***really*** don't like hearing and reading "Autistics don't do well with abstract concepts"... I think maybe what you're looking for there is ambiguity/uncertainty? I think those of us who are on the spectrum often excel far beyond our neurotypical counterparts when it comes to abstractions, especially with our special interests -- that's a major component in how I and others are able to see/perceive relationships others don't/can't

@ChrisandDebby

5 ай бұрын

You’re absolutely right with your point about abstract concepts. I actually also do well with many abstract concepts as with many other autistics. Certain abstract concepts though I struggle with, at least in practice. I think the concept of time is very difficult for me, but I wonder how much of that is my ADHD. Also I struggle with black and white thinking with certain abstract concepts. For example- telling a white lie. I find this to be fairly abstract and I struggle with it. Maybe not in theory but I do in actual practice. What I wanted to get at, but didn’t do very well, was also what you mentioned- ambiguity. This ambiguity, especially with communication, really frustrates me and used to make me worried and uncomfortable when I had to talk to a lot of people. Really, really appreciate your feedback here.

@brianlink5379

5 ай бұрын

​@@ChrisandDebby All good. I completely understand what you mean about the practical application of certain abstract things, such as time or telling a white lie -- I also struggle with time-related stuff multiple times every day and what to say/do in a lot of situations which fall into social gray areas. Approaching this from my lived experience as a late diagnosed AuDHDer with dyslexia (I'm in my mid 30's. Dyslexia diagnosed 10 years ago, 2 months before I completed undergrad. ASD & ADHD both diagnosed ~2-3 years ago 😬😅)... I would argue those are not so much difficulties with abstracts, even though you're right, those do happen to be abstract concepts. I'd qualify time-related struggles more as challenges of executive function (especially if ADHD is in play) and white lies as a challenge of generally accepted social conventions that just aren't readily compatible with how my brain works. I understand these things on a conceptual level and have occasional wins in practice but repeatedly make a fool of myself for over/under-estimating time requirements and/or doing/saying things others might find harsh/insensitive/rude/etc... when not intending to be that way. When I zone in on things, I certainly experience "losing concept of time" but I think that's just a phrase we use. Analogous example: I frequently forget to eat, drink, or use the restroom, particularly when hyperfocused or otherwise not tuned into bodily signals. I still have a firm grasp on the concept of eating, drinking, and using the restroom and their importance, but I've stopped registering the signals for those things and they don't cross my mind until I am long overdue for one of them or I'm no longer "in my own little world" so to speak. I wonder how you think/feel about one particular realm of ambiguity that drives me nuts... superlative language in general but especially now with attention economy pushing for the -est (or other extreme) of all the things (b-est, bigg-est, fast-est, clean-est, perfect, most, etc...). When all the things become special, then nothing is special (or at least it becomes increasingly more difficult to figure out what actually is special). Determining if someone is speaking what they really mean versus exaggerating for emphasis is a cognitive minefield for me.

@brianlink5379

5 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby I struggle with the notion of "black and white thinking" because I'm not sure there's a true consensus on what that actually means. When you think of or use the term, how do you mean it? At least for me, when I'm accused of having black and white thinking, it's almost always in a situation when I'm overwhelmed with ambiguity/uncertainty or something with enough layers of nuance that it's beyond the capacity of my working memory. I might be asking/stating a series of yes/no (or similarly binary) things but that's how I can cope with and work my way through the facts/aspects of a situation to ultimately reach an nuanced conclusion and/or discover pieces I may have missed. (I.e. trying to determine known from unknown to establish a foundation from which I can build on) Sometimes it's because I perceive multiple meanings for what someone just said/did, even if they're unaware of the potential alternative interpretations, and I'm trying to understand what their intended meaning -- I wonder how much of this is baggage from all the things I have to be aware of and keep track of in order to mask successfully while others seem to be blissfully unaware. Other times, it's because I'm stuck in "analysis paralysis" and trying to get out of it so I can make tangible progress on something.

I wonder why we have belly issues. I have had them my whole life and no amount of ‘up periscope’ endoscopies could determine why. I do love your humour, I totally relate to all of it.

@ChrisandDebby

5 ай бұрын

I’m diving into this topic pretty deeply right now and I’m trying a new diet. Im giving it 3 more months. If it works, I’ll do a video about it!

@RMedich

5 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby definitely! I have heard it before whilst researching. We have to wait 3 years for autism diagnosis in Scotland so while I wait I’m in research mode. Thankfully, the aDHD wait isn’t as long. I will be on the drugs before I know it and thinking with clarity. Like that limitless film only more chaotic.

@thesincitymama

Ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebbythe diet didn’t work? Or you just didn’t do this video yet? I have been looking for solutions to this for my whole lifetime

@batintheattic7293

24 күн бұрын

I don't know how to avoid the discomfort but I suspect it's a consequence of too much stomach acid generation. They reckon that it's a common phenomenon for women to need to urinate when they hear their mother's voice. I reckon I become a gastric acid factory when certain others are talking to me. It's particularly acute when I'm being nagged or interrogated.

@Tiffany-Rose

22 күн бұрын

Stress. One thing most of us have in common is stress. Huge digestive trigger.

So my neighbor downstairs has been trying to make friends with me. She’s a really nice lady but she just talks too much and overloads me every time we have a conversation. She talks A LOT and fast and bounces from topic to topic. It’s verbal mush. One time she knocked on my door I did not let her in and she probably could tell that I felt off and this huge block coming off me like no no you can not come in this is my safe place. I’ve literally hid from people who’ve shown up unannounced. My home is my safe space and if you overstay your welcome I will tell you to leave.

Secret 1 made me feel so much better about my plushies cause I'm still adding to- not my collection, my family 🥺🤍 they take care of each other and take care of me

@simongotz8126

27 күн бұрын

Oh yes!

@ushere5791

27 күн бұрын

amen. my 24/7 best friend is a plushie, and he now has his own entourage of plushie buddies. :) but i nearly keeled over when chris started talking about it...! :O

I feel the same about my phone ringing as the Door bell ringing, I go into a freak out Definitely feel the not drinking I can sometimes go the whole day with just a sip on water

@Mistmantle88

22 күн бұрын

Because there’s so much robocalling fraud now, I have an excuse not to answer any call if the number isn’t in my Contacts. Almost everyone goes to voicemail and gets a callback once my heart rate goes back to normal.

I feel like you’ve been watching me and taking notes. That’s how closely I relate to your understanding of autism. Thank you for helping me feel understood.

Oh my goodness! Thank you soooo much ❤ Listening to you list those things out loud was such a comfort to me. To hear someone else explain the physical effects of the fear of every day life is a great comfort to me. Thank you ❤

@ChrisandDebby

27 күн бұрын

I'm so glad!

Talking about the recovery from meltdowns made me feel really seen I feel like literal garbabge after having a meltdown pretty much my whole body hurts in some way and my head feels like its throbbing thank you so much

Meltdowns are such a hard thing to explain to even the closest people in my life because they're embarassing, but also because it's not something can be cured or go away. I have lots of strategies in place now to mitigate the number of meltdowns I have, but will continue to have them for the rest of my life and because people don't understand, it's embarrassing every time.

Ahhhh, thank you for this version without background music.

@ChrisandDebby

5 ай бұрын

You got it! And more on the way soon

@lisasommerlad1337

Ай бұрын

​@@ChrisandDebbythank you. So much good content is drowned by unnecessary music.

I appreciate your brutal honesty and relatability 😂😂 The unannounced knock at the door sends me into full blown panic 😫😫 😅

There's a definite connection between autism and IBD. I think it is because our gut is connected to our brain through the vagal nervous system and most of our thoughts originate in the gut. Hence trust your gut. Just discovered your channel. I like it

I solved the showering and changing clothes problem with a schedule for the one and counting clothes pegs for the other. Oh, well, except for the monthly clothes or the yearly clothes . . . and, seasonal clothes. Showering is according to the date on the calendar. Mid-April to Mid-October is a slightly different schedule than Mid-October to Mid-April. Most clothes are 7-stinky-or-stained. But, usually 7 days which are counted by putting clothes pegs on the hangers. I could easily go on, but I won't. Hate the "someone at the door." I answer the door now, but when I was younger I never felt the need. I don't understand why it's necessary to answer it just because someone knocked. That's weird. I absolutely do not answer calls from numbers I don't know. I have a "this person has never called here before" ring tone that is different from people I know that call and businesses I work with who may call. Surprises are always unpleasant. I can mask pretty good (decades of practice) usually, but boy I would just rather not even.

The Best Part of the day is when the postman rings and you start to hold your breath while you hide in the restroom till he is gone. So uplifting! 😅

I am so glad to learn about all the goofy Autistic traits I share with this Autism community. Ya, these are things I've never talked about because I didn't know anybody else did them, and I would feel ashamed of anyone finding out. Well, now I am not only learning to accept them, but I can champion them as the traits that give me membership into this lovely community. Finally I am no longer alone in my shame within a world of people who don't get me and shun me when I misbehave. I don't even care anymore what they think; I tell all and watch them squirm.

@ChrisandDebby

24 күн бұрын

Love hearing this - that's one of the reasons we originally started this channel was because it's important to know you're not alone! Thanks for sharing this too. We are a pretty special group, and this is such an incredible community that hasn't gotten the full appreciation it deserves, just like probably a lot of us that are late-diagnosed didn't over the years. But I agree - no worries about what others think because a lot of it can be embraced as what makes us unique!

The meltdowns are probably the worst issue, especially when trying to get others to understand you are not in control and they think you can just "decide not to have one". My supervisor at BJ's Wholesale Club tried to force me to quit when she found out about my autism, something I was still getting diagnosed for at the time, and she made me afraid to talk about the condition instead of helping me with an accommodation. This and other issues eventually caused a meltdown which the home office was not only insensitive about, but slandered me saying I did it "willfully and intentionally" and refused workers comp. Although I generally only had issues with a couple specific managers, the Home Office was hostile, deceptive, and dismissive when tried to talk to them about it. They later took some nasty retaliatory actions and made up an excuse to fire me while on medical leave for the meltdown they caused.

My husband is kindly blunt when I get embarrassingly smelly, but he doesn't make me feel ashamed of myself. I do forget to shower, but showering is sometimes too much. Too much, up to having to deal with the feeling of my wet hands touching each other and fumbling with the towel to keep them dry... 😢

I've been diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome and a wheat allergy/Gluten sensitivity. I had no idea they could be related to autism.

In 90s noone said this as raising my son who had live security cat,5 tshirts all same color,had to have yogurt to settle stomach,had meltdown on the regular. Lived with me til 31, had to make him eat 2 bites to realize hungry,had dogs to mitigate fear so was able drive cross country truck and make him eat,walk. All his life people railed on me that I was making him weak,was hard. At age 6told him he was Ubuntu where expected to process Microsoft. He was so computer literate at that age it became his mantra

@Bigboss-xe6lm

18 күн бұрын

You sound like a good mom

Thank you so so much for talking about all those personal things that we never see on information websites, or medical websites! I have a giant plushie dinasaur that I got during lockdown, and which I love cuddling to sleep every night since I got him. Your video has made me feel wayyyyy more okay about cuddling a soft toy to sleep as an adult :) He really does comfort me, especially in the absence or a partner or a bath. It makes me realise how sensitive our nervous systems are, and therefore how childlike we are - I'm not mad about it, even though there are so many things that overload me with stress too. I'm glad about the kind of person I am. i love your playful, upbeat personality, you're entertaining and genuine and I appreciate your detail and honesty. It really helps and I'm so glad I found your channel. thank you!

@ChrisandDebby

25 күн бұрын

This message absolutely made my day! When I first shared some of this information, it felt a little uncomfortable because it’s so personal and I’m usually pretty private - but I also think it’s important for people to talk about this stuff! We’re always left feeling that we are somehow weird or immature, but I don’t think that’s it at all. We just have what we like, and some people might have a pet or a certain blanket or a squishie dinosaur or the most handsome frog in the world. Thanks so much for sharing this 😊

@lightawake

24 күн бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby ohh hello! Aw I'm so glad and honoured❤️ it's normalisation via sharing, empowerment through the experiencee's voice isn't it! Asd adults' movement, initiate! Yay😁 Ps. It's taken me 5 hours to write back to you. I was so excited to reply, but I had to calm down and nap first😂

I related to much of this and had a few lol moments. The one thing that I don't have is the inability to consider abstract concepts. I enjoy doing deep dives on philosophy, psychology, etc. especially with others for whom it's a special interest that can teach me more. I'm in my head a lot; it's (mostly) a comfortable place, maybe too much so. Some of us have the opposite of difficulty with abstracts, which may present as hyperphantasia and/or natural ability for spatial 3D thinking. That's part of my particular spiky profile, which I think contributed to how long it took me (over 5 decades) to be diagnosed with ADHD and then identify that I'm autistic. It's always interesting to hear about other people's unique strengths and challenges, how we differ and yet share a common thread underlying our diversity of traits. Seems like modern society is so averse to recognizing, much less appreciating, unique aptitudes and quirks for which they can't see an immediate market or profit potential. They honestly have no idea how much they've benefited through the millennia to have neurodivergent members of society whose splinter skills have contributed to survival and progress. Insisting that all little children can behave like computers with the same set of specs and operating system that should function with the same programming is an antiquated and dehumanizing paradigm overdue for transformation.

You are soo brave and this video is extremely helpfull!!! ❤ Thanx a lot! 🎉

@ChrisandDebby

4 ай бұрын

It's not easy making these videos! I appreciate your support. Comments like yours make it easier and help keep me going!! I'm glad you find my content helpful. Deb and I are currently making classes and we can't wait to share those when they're finished.

Late diagnosed woman here. I never really had attachments to stuffed animals... mainly because my adoptive sisters would take anything I spent time with or really enjoyed and just destroyed it in any way made them happy. They would burn it, paint on it, draw on it with permanent markers, or cut it. These sisters were older than me too, by at least a couple of years. They even destroyed things my biological mom gave me when she gave me up for adoption.

@bevodonnell1191

13 күн бұрын

Liking your comment feels wrong. I don't like it because I'm happy about it, but because I empathize. I'm sorry that was part of your continuum.

@colleenmcbride3656

13 күн бұрын

@@bevodonnell1191 Thank you for your sentiments. I try to find a positive for alot of stuff that happens to turn the negative memories into something positive, like in this situation, I don't really have the money for extras, so I don't feel left out say, not having squishmallows. Nothing wrong with them, and they're absolutely adorable, but it's one thing I don't feel the need to have and to spend money on.

I'm autistic and do really well with abstract thinking. I was tested in my 20s and I'm near the max possible in abstract thinking. :)

My older son was giving my younger son a hard time about having special stuffed animals. I told my older son that he just didn't get it and we all sat down and watched the first part of this video together. My younger son is feeling fully vindicated now. When you are different from everyone else it can be so reassuring to know that there are others like you out there who feel the same way.

Omg… keep making more videos please!

Best info EVER! Thanks for sharing everyone!

I get so tense talking to people, and as a team lead, I talk to people all the time. My arm pits are a mess by mid-morning. I just started trying Mitchum antiperspirant and changing the way I wash my shirts.

There are a handful of people who I'm fine with showing up unexpectedly. They're all people I'm particularly close to and feel no need to mask around... and most of them have a key to my place, anyway! They still usually text/call either when they're on the way or when they arrive. The list is also almost identical to my "favorited" contacts. I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb most of the time, so they're the only people whose calls actually come through lol

Thank you for sharing. Makes me feel a little less alone in feeling "weird."

Love love love!🐓🐸👏🏽🙏🏾💪🏽Chris, you are my new AuDHD role model.🏆

You are so awesome!! I love your special buddies! Thank for your honesty. I am so happy to learn that many of my personality traits are from my autism: I currently have my stuffed buddy, Sebastian, a tuxedo cat. I also have a live Emotional Support cat named Marley. Yes, melt downs paralyze my mind and cause me to feel overwhelmed by emotions. My apartment is my safe spot, and I get in bed and wrap up with a blanket. Exhausting! Before I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (in my late 40s) I constantly felt misunderstood. I still am misunderstood, but understanding myself helps immensely. Unannounced company and phone calls are horrific! I often cannot even listen to voice messages. Way too overwhelming. I have a self care routine I cannot deviate from, or things go bad. And I own all the same socks, underware, t-shirts, jeans, maybe in differentbolors. And i keep them all until they literally disintegrate. Fortunately I don't forget to wash them. And yes, my life has been frought with stomach issues and IBS. And I cannot wear pants that touch my belly button. Nothing can touch my belly button - period. Some fabrics are way too itchy. Most socks and most shoes are too uncomfortable to stand. Also I cannot stand the heat at all. Autism. What a strange disorder.

@ChrisandDebby

25 күн бұрын

Thanks for sharing this - your buddies sounds amazing 🤩 I recognize all these things, including the self care routine and difficulties when things go astray. I also have many colors (and also multiple copies of things in the same exact colors) of clothing, and as I’ve learned more about myself in this journey, I’ve learned that’s okay! We gotta do what we gotta do 😊 Strange disorder indeed! There are times when autism definitely pushes me to the brink and gets me down, but I also wouldn’t give it up for anything. It makes us very unique and special. And I’m learning to appreciate that more and more. Hope you do too! And thanks for being here 😊

Yes on all of it especially meltdown and forgetting to do things. I get dizzy and nauseous when I forget to eat like some days I won’t eat think 1 or 2pm. I have stomach problems my whole life and they have never been explained. My fiancé is good about reminding me to shower and things. I definitely relate to the bathroom issue.

I've been suspecting for a long time that I have high-functioning autism, and this video's relatability pretty much confirmed it. That, and all of the online tests I took lol Also when someone knocks and I'm not expecting it, I become a panicking corpse. And to avoid the wearing shirts for days in a row thing, I have a specific shirt for each day. It helps quite a bit in my experience. My IBS took that last secret personally 😭

Wow I had no idea. Thanks for sharing. Take care!

Wonderful NO music! That makes me happy! Great video.

My special buddies consist of the weighted dragon/lizard thing I got for Christmas last year (I use him when I’m lonely or need something to curl around), a stuffed bunny who switches between Peter rabbit and cotton tail, depending on the day, a raggedy Ann doll that I got as an internship graduation present, and an eve that just looks cute. I love my room because it’s the only place in the house where it’s just mine and I know where everything is. I’m fortunate enough to not get many surprise visits but when it happens I’m always afraid they’re going to try to rob me or try to sell me something so if I don’t know who it is I’m not opening the door. The other day I just had so much going on and I was becoming overwhelmed and frustrated, so when I was reminded to keep my comments over the Walki short it was the last straw, as I was trying to keep it short and thought it was, but apparently it wasn’t. The boss saw me and I apologized, then immediately started crying. I work as a sub and it was close to the end of the day but she told me to take a minute. I was so embarrassed to cry in front of her. No example of feeling misunderstood is better for me than when telling my mom that I hate the after taste of mint toothpaste and hate all other flavors. She made me feel so weird when I asked her if she knew of any unflavored toothpaste….

@SweetStuffAustin

2 күн бұрын

I've been searching for a toothpaste without mint forever! You have to be careful, because Even the ones that are another flavor will sneak some mint in there! I feel ya!

thank you for sharing!

Hell yeah, Frog! And yes to all the rest. Content like this has made me feel normal. Thank you.

I put a sign on my front door that says "We will not answer the door if we haven't agreed in advance to greet you." I live alone so this gives some peace of mind. Does the sign work? Yup! I've had people come to the door. Read the sign and leave. It's a beautiful thing!

I was utterly mesmerized by these jelly looking three colored things on your desk. Especially the blue one. Where did you get these magical objects? I am a Class 3 ASD person. My meltdowns are caused by disability abuse. I am a very chill person otherwise. I often come back to my senses after a meltdown and discover myself on the floor that is covered in foam that came out of my mouth and my blood, with my limbs paralyzed after having repeat seizures and convulsions for a couple hours, surrounded by bewildered police and ems people. I have window next to the door in my home. I have Do Not Knock sign on my door. When someone thinks they are above it all and knocks, I open the window and tell them to get out. Those who refuse to get out, I push down the stairs. I WILL defend my home. Like you I have malfunctioning interoception and proprioception. I often do not feel hunger, thirst, cold, and need to use toilet. I had kidney failure. I was told it happened because I did not pee for over 72 hours. Like you I have stomach issues. I poop myself when I am abused. All systems fail and I am not able to control it anymore when I am abused. There was one instance where disability abuse was so severe that I suffered complete cognitive failure. I stopped understanding what and who I was and what I was doing. I removed all of my clothes for some reason and pooped myself. I came back to my senses lying in a puddle of my own liquid shit, surrounded by mandala-like doodles that I have drawn on the floor around myself using the liquid shit as a medium. They were beautiful and complex doodles. I am still an artist, even with my mind gone. If they did not smell so bad I would have kept them :)

For secret 4. Even my NT friends are the same on that one. I don’t come unannounced to a persons place, and they don’t do it to me either.

I can't believe you told me all that 😂 I'm sure my autistic ward will enjoy our candour !

Some of us hate compliments. They make us wary that the other individual may be patronizing us for their ulterior motives. For similar reasons, I also don't like it when someone uses my name "too often" in a conversation, but this may be conditioned from my training in sales where they taught us that "people like to hear their own name".

Guys, I own about 30 of those 32° cool fitted T-shirts, in as many different colors as I can find, and I wear them every single day! Except for Sundays to church. I try to be a little more dressy at church, but it's still almost always a knit top or dress. I can't stand woven materials across my shoulders! I must be able to move freely at will! Oh, and I own a Nektech deep tissue massager that I use on my abdomen for all of the tummy stuff. Total game changer! I'm totally rocking my '40s because I've figured out so many autistic life hacks. Oh, and figured out I was autistic. That was a game changer too.

@rsh793

23 күн бұрын

If church doesn't want me dressed as me then I ain't gonna to be going to that church. Same with anything. I have plenty the same clothes and try to remember to change them but I give good value in my life that I don't need to constantly worry about the things that don't matter.

@ItsMathStatsMe

14 күн бұрын

@@rsh793 good point. I think the church will accept me if I dress however, but I like to show respect when I worship, as a personal choice.

Thanks for sharing this! I can relate to all of it - especially when someone knocks on my door and I'm not expecting anyone. My reaction is basically "Who the F**K is knocking on my door!?" - at which point I pretend to not be home.

I started having meltdowns when I was 7 years old, but my doctors thought and treat me for epilepsy, it didn't help me at all and I was totally misunderstood despite me explaining my feelings and concerns.

Didn’t know about the not eating thing. Tks for sharing

I dont think the bonus point was actually a bonus.....! But i understand, i have fond that staying away from certain foods has helped a lot. Tomatoes, dairy and any sort of rich food is nemesis to my stomach. I eat fairly bland but it means i dont have to worry about stomach issues anymore

The forgetting to eat, drink, and basically just take care of myself, I feel this 100%. I manage better now, but for the first half of my life, I wouldn't realize I was hungry until it was an emergency, and then I would get physically sick to the point of vomiting, and I have also fainted several times. And then it's too late and anything I do eat, I can't keep down. It's horrible.

3:45 I have meltdown triggers now: When someone does something I do during a meltdown. This means "yelling for no reason", will trigger me to leave. Being in front of violence. and I have dissociative shutdowns around police officers & police vehicles, because I have a fear of being arrested (and no I didn't do anything wrong). My meltdowns are really rough now :(

I went through a phase of burying my dolls and teddy bears. I'd give them a proper funeral and then bury them. As somebody below pointed out - it's really difficult to tease the autism from the trauma. You keep telling an autistic child that everything and everybody they love is going to die - they will start burying their toys. At fifty four - I no longer have to have my surviving childhood toys around me all the time. I have, intermittently, become extremely superstitious about them though. They had to be clean and comfortable. When I was little - they all had to have a nice bed. And be suitably dressed - I suspect that we could detect autism in the fact that our dollies are only naked when they're having their baths. I've abducted abused and neglected dolls, before. As an adult, I mean. I have no difficulty empathising with supposedly inanimate objects and nothing gets me going quite like pity does. How to tell if it's an autistic adult - she's noticed the unkempt, naked, discarded doll and she's reprimanding your child about it.

I don't have a working door bell but can relate to past unexpected interruptions at my last flat. I also don't usually answer unexpected calls or unknown caller IDs as this avoids SPAM calls and unwanted calls. I think if it's important, they can leave a voicemail, and I'll call back if required. This method gives me control over my phone calls 😊

Speaking of clothes... I love the sweater you're wearing in the video! It looks so comfortable. Can you tell us where you got it?

Awesome vid!

Wonderful video! You're the best, you and your chicken and frog friends. I'm 49 and was just diagnosed a few months ago. My special friend is a weighted dinosaur. I love your chickens.

@ChrisandDebby

24 күн бұрын

Your dinosaur sounds awesome! I bet it would fit right in with my whole crew. And welcome to the late diagnosed club! Glad you're here 😊

Thank you, definitely relate. 😂

Showing up at someone's house should be illegal. I went trhough a stressfull moment in my life around January and spent an entire month wearing the same thing. Husband and cousins were concerned, trying to buy me new clothes. =) Now my husband just throw whatever I'm wearing forever in the washing machine when I go to work, and takes me an hour to even start looking for something else.

I have IBS its horrible. I love how open you are im a tmi talker too lol.

6:10 Including programming, concrete type-casting, unit testing, sorry to nerd out on ya'll.

Me watching this video to figure out whether I'm actually autistic before I finally get an official diagnosis or whether I'm just an imposter.

After watching the original (with music) video I had seen the ice cube fidget toy in Walmart and I couldn’t resist. I bought one and I freaking love it already. Definitely going to get another one or 2. I can’t put the toy down hahaha

@ChrisandDebby

5 ай бұрын

Nee Doh cubes are my absolute favorite. I also really like the colors

I have a peter rabbit baby blanket. It's in a small, dedicated box now because it's so beaten up and fragile that I'm terrified it will disintegrate, but when everything gets too much and I want to stop existing, I dig it out and smell it. It smells like box, but it helps. My best friend will tell me I smell like a dead rat when I need to shower. Love them. ❤

I didn't know we had secrets. I just have things I've said that people have told me aren't appropriate to share so I stopped. 🤷‍♂️

@ChrisandDebby

5 ай бұрын

That’s why I call them secrets. Nothing to be ashamed about.

I'm always amazed how intense a lot of your issues are. the only one i really related to is the stomach issues. I've spent so many years working on my digestive issues.

@ushere5791

27 күн бұрын

i went vegan 20+ years ago and gluten free 10+ years ago. that plus daily meditation has put really bad ibs into remission for a long time now, like years. the worst that happens now is that i'll get sick for ~3 days if i eat dairy or get stressed. MUCH better now than before i changed my diet.

@caraziegel7652

27 күн бұрын

@@ushere5791 i've done extensive allergy testing and avoid all my sensitive foods, take digestive enzymes nad probiotics and honestly even my allergy meds sometimes improve my digestion, but i still struggle. I was vegetarian for several years but didnt notice any health changes. of course i was young. but i mostly ate beans when vegetarian and dislike tofu, hubby mostly ate tofu and dislikes beans. its hard to compromise!

When i had meltdowns ( pre diagnosis)... my gf just insisted on asking questions..and wanted to " discuss " the problem....ekk.

I tend to experience shutdowns more often than meltdowns… it’s super rough. Everything just goes blank and I pretty much lose the capacity to do anything. I can understand that people are around me and talking, but I don’t process anything more than surface level. I even stop stimming which I usually do constantly. It feels like I’m underwater honestly

Well, about the start of this, I must say, yeah I can keep a secret, and in fact, unless there’s some life threatening situation or something illegal, then I won’t say a thing, and even if you don’t say to keep it to myself, I probably will.

I do not forget to shower thankfully, it is a part of my routine, i must shower every night.

Oh wow, I didn’t understand the “buddies” thing. I have a little Alien Baltan figure (from Ultraman ep 1) and a Dokin Chan (from Anpanman) keychain that I got in Taiwan. I thought it was weird but I didn’t actually know this was normal. 🤣 I’m gonna dig them out to enjoy them more 💖 Pretty much everything else too 🤣 I actually thought the phone and door panic was just ptsd, but it really helps to know it’s autism too. If it helps anyone, I’m switching my daughters diet to less gluten and lots of organic veggies/fruits/sweet potatoes and this is helping her SOOOO much. She typically won’t eat veggies unless they are super fresh and organic though so pick carefully!

All of those! I had no idea they were related to my autism!

focusing on physical sensations for grounding is helpful for me and it can be hard to get myself to a calmer place where i can focus on breathing or get myself to notice and pay attention to sensation (unless overstim and then it's Too Much sensation but redirecting can help specifically with earbuds to replace and block out sound since sound is usually worst for me and light sometimes) but what you mentioned about focusing on the temperature of air going in and out during breathing might be Super helpful for me so i will try it :O i could also maybe try to shift focus to the physical feeling of however i might be stimming, and that might help me concentrate that energy into a more helpful stim if that makes sense ? when im really overwhelmed the urge is to hit or scratch myself, but if i can focus on the feeling and what im doing i might be able to redirect it to rocking or tapping or rubbing, less destructive stuff thank you for sharing, big relate, this is helpful for me to hear about ♡

@rafanoodleworm4834

25 күн бұрын

also y e s literally not realizing i need to eat or drink or pee until it is at an Extreme, ive also nearly passed out and had my vision go out, and i shower when i remember or start feeling too greasy 😅 andd yeahh i never answer calls im not expecting usually, even sometimes from people i know,, i can text them back or people leave a message if it's important probably, And i have a lot of the same clothes from middle and high school, haven't had people knock unannounced that often since moving out but it Is terrible like idk whst to do ?? and a lot of the time im also high or not really dressed whoops and stomach issues with anxiety and i get really gassy sometimes when im anxious Which Can Make The Anxiety So Much Worse lmaoo and ive called off work at least a couple mornings from stomach issues probably just caused by anxiety and dread bc afterwards i didnt really feel as sick thank u for sharing all the relatable things and making people feel less alone ♡♡

@rafanoodleworm4834

25 күн бұрын

i figure if someone is knocking or calling unannounced, they don't know if im asleep or showering or not home or busy and can't hear, so there is enough plausible deniability to ignore it until im communicated with more directly (voicemail, email, text, etc)

I also dont like people turning up out if the blue. I did the simple test online. , i dont have enough traits, i am not neurodivergent, i Am an only child, 70, and some introversion. I do think this trait is not necessarily autistic , as a stand alone. To me autism is multi layered ( this video helps me learn) my concern is cherry picking from us non neurodivergent. Taking one thing and labelling themselves. Really love these videos.

I agree 💯 with ALL OF THESE

I relate so much. It is so gross to admit, but if I could just stay in my comfort clothes all day everyday I would 😂 the thought of having to take off my clothes to shower or get ready for bed just makes me sweat and I wanna crawl in a hole and die 😂😂

@jairai5922

18 күн бұрын

Relating to the knocking or visit unannounced. I hate that, too. I also feel weird entering OTHER people's houses...for the same reason... I'm like, this is their private space.. and I'm an invader 😂😂

For those with stomach issues...do some reading/watching about the keto diet. I first gave it a one-week tryout a few months ago and just kept going. Not only did I lose unhealthy adipose, my stomach issues started to heal. Within a few days I felt better. Never going back to starches and sugars ever again, me!

I feel seen.

The collateral damage of meltdowns gives me lots of guilt.

Thanks!

@ChrisandDebby

2 ай бұрын

Thanks for your support!! You awesome!! 🤩🤩

Best secrets yet. 🙃😄😊