Most people look normal until you get to know them.

@pamelamoore6239

8 ай бұрын

Everyone is truly unique...

@yukio_saito

8 ай бұрын

It took me decades to realize an ex-friend of mine is a covert one. He looks so nice and kind on the surface 😧

@melisentiapheiffer3034

8 ай бұрын

One can feel the cold vibrate from them.

@SuprEmpth

8 ай бұрын

@@yukio_saitowhat did you do that made you notice? Did he “hide” it well or due to learning more about covert narcs, you now see a pattern?

@idid138

8 ай бұрын

They pretend to be normal, til they feel they own you, then they drop the front.

"Narcissists don't do happy. They do control." Well said. 💯

@Kenzofeis

8 ай бұрын

The "happiness", for some, was cauterized away, looking for that which is missing, they drink, do drugs, wh*re around, steal, destroy, hence the "path" suffix used for the worse ones. Like zombies looking for some more brain something..

@thediplomaticdreamer

7 ай бұрын

The most messed up ones are watching Dr Ramani to better their gaslighting just a heads up! If you have a gut feeling go with it and detach is my advice. Also keeping a written record on your private notes when something off happens helps if you need to go back, take pictures and send them to someone you trust as well. • Telling a few people you trust to keep a situation private if it's ever needed for them to speak on what happened from an attack by a malignant narcissist, psychopath or sociopath is also something I recommend.

@costAmore

7 ай бұрын

"Narcissists don't be happy. They be control themselves". Double well said.

@sylviaduncan6663

3 ай бұрын

Boy you really open my eyes think you

“Living in psychological servitude to them” is so draining. I wish I had figured this out years ago…

@melisherwood5300

8 ай бұрын

I was even referred to as a “slave” in a veiled joke.

@doristorresphd

8 ай бұрын

@@melisherwood5300 wow. I’m glad you figured out what was really happening with your relationship. Better late, than never. Sending ❤️ and strength 💪🏼 your way.

@melisherwood5300

8 ай бұрын

@@doristorresphd thank you - I need it.

@audreygregis8721

5 ай бұрын

We ALL did. I know I would have left long before I did.

@melisherwood5300

5 ай бұрын

omg, so was I!

They do drain our energy. They are exhausting. Everything is a manipulative game. Nothing is ever as it seems with them because they always have an agenda.

@lydiabeg7387

8 ай бұрын

Yes, 100% but you feel like you are released from prison when you stop talking to them lol

@BaronCreel

7 ай бұрын

My best friend was doing this to me for a decade and really only became malignant around 3 years ago. Before I met my wife, I believe he felt secure in his control but afterwards he used the established relationship to manipulate me and to try and crush my life. I only realized the drain after watching these videos and went no contact. It's almost like a magic spell, it's hard to comprehend what it's like without experiencing it. Many might not believe that EVERYTHING is a manipulative game but he and other narcissists seem to have infinite energy to manipulate. Everything they do is aimed at a goal and normal people dont have ulterior goals in a relationship so by just having a goal they catch you by surprise and will always have the upper hand. If anyone is in one the only solution is to flee and go no contact

@labradorableretriever4490

7 ай бұрын

Complete energy vampires. Given jet lag when traveling I was still wondering why am I passing out so early? Thought of it and then remembered the answer. If you have other illnesses or neurological disorders, or whatever you have be careful with them. Even the one-sided friendship, I let my cortisol go through the roof and I was having way too many uncontrolled seizures. That person at the picture seizures decreased significantly. High level of positivity in that department. The next narcissist to get rid of the mother.

@RealLadi228

3 ай бұрын

Huge Liars too

Death isn't the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we're still alive.

@cindymcdonnell2119

8 ай бұрын

OMG. Well said !

@meidassecondsoprano150

8 ай бұрын

Thanks for validating my experience ‼️🥰💕

@cindymcdonnell2119

8 ай бұрын

💪💕💪

@dottiejohnson5812

8 ай бұрын

Profound!!!

@cmeeoutdoors7556

8 ай бұрын

Wow. Yep 😢

You CAN win. You can win by going full no-contact and never seeing the arseholes ever again. You can't win by arguing with them

I realized by *chance* as an adult that I'd been subconsciously brainwashed by my narc mom that I'm not ALLOWED/QUALIFIED to validate my own feelings, needs, worth, or reality. My revulsion for what a disgusting thing that is to do to a child helped me finally claim my RIGHT to love and like myself. Some "parents" are just the grimy bus stations that get us onto the planet.

@kimberlychristine9284

8 ай бұрын

Same here 😔 I am expected to take care of everyone else's needs/ feelings but I feel guilty for expressing my own. It's so messed up.

@nicholasschroeder3678

8 ай бұрын

Nice and accurate metaphor

@MaileyMcAslan

8 ай бұрын

I second all of that! 👍

@JLTravels

8 ай бұрын

Fabulous-“grimy bus stations…” -right on!

@SjofnBM1989

8 ай бұрын

I'm gunna make my Narc fathers name in my phone "Grimey Bus station" now 😂

My narcissistic ex husband never listened to me. He’d look at his laptop or even leave the room when I was talking. At the start, I made allowances for him because he was super busy, devoted to his medical research based area of expertise. Eventually, after many arguments and pleads to him to stop being so rude, I knew I was talking to the wall. I’ve never felt as lonely in my entire life in the way I did for the duration of the marriage.

@Runningwithpillows

8 ай бұрын

Same. Except for when he wanted something.

@heart3752

6 ай бұрын

I’ve never felt so lonely, sad, drained and exhausted until I got married 30 years ago. Same thing happened to me, he would walk away when I’m talking about important stuff … they have no feelings for others. They are evil people.

@dodosmamma1692

6 ай бұрын

@@heart3752 I hear you. It’s so hurtful and the pain and isolation keep us prisoners. 💕

@dodosmamma1692

6 ай бұрын

@@Runningwithpillows ooooooh yes, then they don’t stop talking! 💕💕

@sandracaezza7234

6 ай бұрын

This community always validates that we were living an existence most unhealthy. Thank goodness we are finding now in all these videos the information we need to heal & move forward. Release from the narc/addict has been a gift I gave to myself. He was not aware of the discard I would put forth. 1-1-23 became MY New Year. To live without betrayal ,lies, manipulation was the gift I have myself. Stay strong 💪🏻💪🏻

Leave them alone you don't owe them anything least of all your attention as its a soul crushing and gut wrenching experience to be with them. Unlike anything else in this world.

@dakoderii4221

8 ай бұрын

Demon possession(forced control) and oppression(coercive control) is running wild now. Research what narcs do and what demons do and you'll find out they are almost one and the same. Both groups come to only steal, kill, and destroy while satisfying their desires at the expense of others. There is an alarming rise of people, especially the youth, that is into black magic, where they send evil spirits to do things such as cause auto accidents and disease onto the targeted person/s. What the "senders" of these evil spirits don't realize is they have to pay the Piper. It usually comes back on them double.

@dianatenney7821

8 ай бұрын

I agree usually your feelings are dismissed with them.

@scottrawlins8165

8 ай бұрын

AMEN

@conniemiller5125

8 ай бұрын

My narc never listens to me, ohh, but if HE'S talking, I have to give my full attention to him or he'll explode with anger. So, I just don't listen to him anymore. My voice and thoughts are not important to him. He's too preoccupied with thinking about his ex's and other females.

@dianatenney7821

8 ай бұрын

@@conniemiller5125 I noticed what is important to you isn't to them, our windows locks broke on a couple windows I asked him several times to pick them up when he was at the hardware store, then when I made the trip to get them and replaced them he looked at me with contempt. He wasn't concerned about safety in my opinion.

I have been in a narcissistic marriage relationship for 37 years. I finally left. I have only been gone eight months. I stayed for my kids. I tried to make it work and as he was getting older, it was getting worse. Now there’s the fight with the separation/divorce and division of assets which is the next horrific thing.

@doristorresphd

8 ай бұрын

Stay strong. You’re worthy! ❤

@lbromo6607

8 ай бұрын

Be so happy that you are finally ‘free’ of the narc! I stayed 25 years and went through the same divorce issues. Just get a good lawyer and don’t cave on his demands! Fight for what you are entitled too! You deserve a life of happiness and joy! 😊

@lynnebucher6537

8 ай бұрын

Hang in there, eventually you will be free of him and your life will improve exponentially.

@maevebutler4641

8 ай бұрын

@paucher Remember the strength it took for you to leave the marriage You will cope with the divorce & all it entails You are a brave survivor & and hopefully, you will get justice Best of luck 🎉

@soniahathaway1

8 ай бұрын

Well done for getting out!!

The exhaustion is where I'm at now at 64. I was an extravert, now introvert, exactly how Dr Ramani described.

@rosebouldrey1915

8 ай бұрын

62yrs old, 45 yrs married.... EXHAUSTION .... I used to be an introvert, turned into an introvert. " Do I stay or Do I go "

@kathyadair8552

8 ай бұрын

@@rosebouldrey1915 Go, while you still can!

“It feels more gross having to validate them for putting out the trash than getting my hands dirty and doing it myself”… yes! Perfectly explains my feelings why I can’t stand asking for anything from a narcissist. They will inevitably turn it into something gross. If not seeking validation, they will use it to manipulate you in some way.

Wow…Dr. Ramini, I want to let you know how much I love, respect and admire your tremendous intellect for opening AND healing the wounds we wounded veterans of narcissistic abuse have suffered.

Dear Karma, I have a list of narcissists you missed.

@SuprEmpth

8 ай бұрын

Their karma is there. They just hide it well. Unhappy. Never satisfied. Never experience genuine love. Always thinks someone is out to get them. “Why me?” “It’s always me” mentality. There’s no serenity in that

@idid138

8 ай бұрын

Yep. Wherever they go, there they are.

@lydiabeg7387

8 ай бұрын

@@penijoni1316 they are supporting each other only if they benefits each other one way or another. They hate each other but connect each other in a weird way.

Narcissistic mothers destroys their children in the worst way. We should have a test to take for preparenting.

@amberinthemist7912

8 ай бұрын

Yes and it's assumed that mothers can't abuse. Somehow people view you as weak if you were afraid of your mother. They can understand if you were afraid of your father because he's a man. But somehow because your mother is just a woman it's silly to have been afraid of her. As if they forget you were just a little child and she held your survival in her hands. The abuse can go on much longer when it's your mom because they will give her a pass. Especially when she is attractive and knows how to manipulate.

@deemaysie6568

8 ай бұрын

@@amberinthemist7912 You articulated this so well.

@labradorableretriever4490

7 ай бұрын

Spot on. Noticed they always use the “there’s no Booker manual for this.“ But narcissists are manipulative anyways. Somebody who truly loves you a family member or a friend would never say something like that “I love you. I know you don’t love me. You don’t even like me, but your dog likes me!“ Well, they are not willing to reconcile talk it out, but they make excuses constantly for bad parenting. You should need some kind of certificate or mandatory college course or something just like you said. Always wondered why that’s not done especially nowadays one a lot of technology is around and we still have narcissists lurking like a shark.

Its only because of good people that narcissists can survive. The ultimate fantasy is a deserted island where all narcissists are sent to live with each other

@Kenzofeis

8 ай бұрын

"Well, if you call THAT a life"

@MaryDunford

8 ай бұрын

I wondered about that a couple of years ago. I imagine it would quickly descend to something apocalyptic. There would be warring factions, food would be spoiled or withheld intentionally, shelter would be scarce, and a great deal of 'accidents' and assassination would occur as people tried to climb the newly constructed social ladder. I imagine everyone would be doing any of these things while trying to convince themselves, and others, being sent there was a misunderstanding or someone else's craftiness. Because, of course, everyone would be "the exception." 😂 I really wish we could just toss them all on an island. The rest of us would live far more peaceful, productive, connected, and harmonious lives. My faith says a day like that will come. But until that day, it's a fun mental exercise.

@mathews0618

8 ай бұрын

@@MaryDunford they'd have empathic kids and turn them into slaves

@lydiabeg7387

8 ай бұрын

2 narcissists won’t be together. The only time they communicate each other is if they get something from each other and they don’t have other option . To use each other. They know each other.

@Kenzofeis

8 ай бұрын

@@MaryDunford So, you and Mathews described life on Earth.... An island, yes, Franz Josef Land r some such, I would suggest Bear Island, basically only one landing spot

But if the tables are turned, the narc will lose their shit if you don't answer their questions.

The arrogant dismissiveness...makes you wonder how they got to this point in life. No cooperation, only their version of what a group of people should do. They like to run roughshod with their "better idea." That better idea is always something that they prefer and that is much more convenient for them. They won't simply be honest about wanting something convenient, and cede that it's asking something of others. Nope. They will smirk eventually at other suggestions, and often insult other people with a jokey sarcasm.

@idid138

8 ай бұрын

"What's in it for me?"

@sararichardson737

8 ай бұрын

@@idid138He took pride in not cooperating and I told him so. He smiled, pleased that I had noticed. Creep

@amberinthemist7912

8 ай бұрын

Arrogant dismissiveness. A perfect description. My dad's insults are always delivered as a little joke with a smirk. All plans had to bent towards making his life easier but he would never admit it.

I can related to this 100%. Now I know why I am feeling exhausted with everything all time. I am 39 now and have been living with narcissistic mom, sister, brother and now husband for my entire life. I myself become empath and I don’t know why I can’t be unkind and even feel sorry to narcissistic people. I came to know all these narcissistic abuse and related information from Dr Ramani’s videos. Otherwise I won’t be aware of what is happening to me. Thanks Dr. ❤

@cmeeoutdoors7556

8 ай бұрын

It's hard, but get away from those people. They deplete your energy and positivity in your life. They don't change. Get away asap

@melisentiapheiffer3034

8 ай бұрын

@@cmeeoutdoors7556True story. They will never change.

My mom used to tell everyone how much I respected her. For years I thought that respect=fear. Fear of being beaten up, or being shouted at, or threatened with whatever...

@realhealing7802

8 ай бұрын

Same here. I was terrified of my parents and sibling. No one should live with that kind of fear. It's abuse.

@labradorableretriever4490

7 ай бұрын

Exactly this! If you’ve ever been at a friends house, the very rare moments you’re allowed to do so, sometimes you notice wow these people are more relaxed and more organized in properly taking care of their kids, not beating them to the ground whether it’s verbally physically mentally or emotionally. A close friend of mine noticed some thing. Since narcissists love an audience well then when that person leaves either, they’ll take it out on you or they will make these nasty insults about your friend or whoever. My mother mentions you or your sister didn’t behave like that when my friend came over to visit. when she got home, she sent me a message about that comment. And she said I know why you never miss behaved. It’s because you’re afraid of getting the shit beaten out of you. Your mom is a bully. I said I know. Nonetheless the second you walked out the door. She had some nasty things to say about you. Her response I’m not surprised.

They will come up with every single scenario except the truth 🫨

The Narc would say "Stop peppering me with questions"... or .."Stop bothering me!" I would think ..How the heck am I bothering you by asking a simple question?!? The Narcs are so draining!

@BeautyBeatdown

7 ай бұрын

My husband would say "I'm your husband, why don't you trust me?" When I'd ask questions

@labradorableretriever4490

7 ай бұрын

@@BeautyBeatdown It’s just really scary when they do that. Never been in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, but my mother is one. The whole because I am your mother. Or I am your mother don’t you trust me? It’s sort of maybe there’s a little smirk on the face you can hear it in the tone a voice you know it’s fake.

@BeautyBeatdown

7 ай бұрын

@labradorableretriever4490 it just doesn't male any sense! It's indirectly saying "how dare you question me" or "you're calling me a liar"

I once’s asked my narcissistic mother why she has treated me like crap my whole life? Shockingly, she actually responded. With tears in her eyes and expressing sadness only for herself she said ‘Kelly, don’t you know I always wanted to be you?’

@scottrawlins8165

8 ай бұрын

Woah......creepy. yikes.

@stonerawks9882

8 ай бұрын

I don't know exactly how that line was delivered but if it is like how I imagine it's chilling. Straight out of a horror movie when the villain has a moment of clarity and becomes honest for two seconds.

@SuprEmpth

8 ай бұрын

Smh….But why treat her own daughter like crap? She doesn’t realize how great your relationship could’ve been had she not been self absorbed. Sorry you had to deal with that.

@tishr9670

8 ай бұрын

I think my mother is the same and yes, it is creepy

@joyceadair3003

8 ай бұрын

@@tishr9670 it’s called jealousy. I deal with that also.

My dad used to call my narcisssitc ex “sure sure” - because he would always say that when you ask him to do something but he would never do it

My hope is the young people these days are knowledgeable of narcissism because of channels like this. And they will have the tools to deal with the narcissists they come across. Thank you Dr. Ramani and thank you to everyone who posts your stories.

@jackedkerouac4414

8 ай бұрын

I wish I had Dr. Ramani videos 13 years ago. Hard to be regretful since I have a wife and kids now but reuniting with narcissist family members was hell for many years. If I noticed the signs I wouldn't have moved to be near them geographically. Now I struggle to go 'no contact' and it's virtually impossible since my culture holds family in such high regard.

@beesknees5441

8 ай бұрын

​@@jackedkerouac4414It's an awful predicament, sorry you're going through it... One thing that may spur you on is they can't help but damage & manipulate... I'd take your family out of reach, at least you'd have each other ✨ I wish I'd have cut ties for us years ago 😔

@sueg2658

8 ай бұрын

@@jackedkerouac4414 I am so sorry you went thru hell with them. It is especially difficult going no contact being raised in a strong family oriented culture. For me there has been a lot of grief involved when I had to save myself and give up on him. And I was just dealing with 1 person. I’m very happy that you have your own family now. I thank my lucky stars for great people like Dr. Ramani helping us. Best wishes to you.

@jackedkerouac4414

8 ай бұрын

​@@beesknees5441 What a wonderfully heartwarming and insightful comment. Thank you. Yes and you know what I have no more excuses. The only thing standing in the way from a life of freedom is myself.

@beesknees5441

8 ай бұрын

@@jackedkerouac4414 Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. It's not an easy decision to make... but if yours are anything like some of mine, it's more disturbing to be available for them & their machinations... Strength & good vibes to you 💫

This video is spot on. The number of times I have been dragged down a rabbit hole trying to get a straight answer out of my husband is ridiculous. I confront him and say 'just answer the question' then there is the sigh, rolled eyes and shaking head. These are really bizarre people to deal with, it is impossible to get any real connection with them.

I've often wondered how narcissism, and other similar behavioral disorders have survived 3 million years of evolution. But, then I remember that a narcissist is much more likely to survive due to the focus on self.

@someoneyoudontknow7705

8 ай бұрын

I don’t think many of these things existed WAY back then. You mentioned evolution…I think our way of life has caused people to, more recently, evolve this way.

@TheMoonRulesNo1

8 ай бұрын

@@someoneyoudontknow7705 that's certainly possible. However, if there's a strong genetic component to these kinds of behavioral disorders, it would indicate that they have been a part of humanity since the beginning. If you look at the evolutionary mechanism of natural selection, you can see how narcissism as a tactic for self preservation is a strong trait for survival. In my opinion, narcissism is kind of a vestigial tactic for survival that would have been helpful before human beings started creating large, cooperative societies. I'm not an expert, by any means, but it seems to me that self serving personalities would have been a good survival tactic when population groups were typically in the 10 to 20 individual range, but as societies began expanding, and people began settling in more permanent civilization groups, the narcissistic personality would begin to hinder progress. Cooperation requires some level of empathy, and sympathy, so as population groups started to expand, it would make sense for narcissistic personality traits to start to disappear.

@SuprEmpth

8 ай бұрын

@@someoneyoudontknow7705there’s books that explains narcissism dating back to A.D. The name comes from a Greek mythology narrative of Narcissus. Sigmund Freud even has research on narcissism. It’s just now really coming to mainstream. Once you look into the history you’re like 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

@thecustodian1023

8 ай бұрын

Because the majority of the populace is too cowardly to fight back. Or at least that's what it looks like presently.

@wildhorses6817

8 ай бұрын

Yes, like the guy on Titanic who took the child so he is saved on the Life Boat. Everyone else can die, they don't care.

The last time I was about to cry he said I don’t have any emotion and don’t start with the crocodile tears and I instantly stopped. It’s so sad how he projects his lack of emotion on me and sometimes I am scared that he is making me become more emotionless and narcissistic like him. He always tells me that I’m the narcissist. And I’m a bad person and anything he can to make it seem like I am so terrible but I can see clearly the I’m being gaslit but most of the time I just don’t even say anything because why bother? He makes me so mad. And I’m mad at myself for putting up with it for so long. I know I’m loving and someone out there would be so happy to be loved by me. But I’m just a shell of that person I used to be. We have been separated for a while now but I keep allowing him to come back in my mental space. I guess somewhere inside of me I must like the abuse. Or I guess I am just trama bonded.

@ritakapoor608

5 ай бұрын

Oh I so relate to what ur saying - in my case its my sister - she separated from her husband 7years back and came to stay with me and since then it’s been hell - I have lost complete sense of who I am as a person and am constantly second guessing myself- absolutely no confidence in myself- being 55 years old I have become a shadow of who I really was

They accuse you of stressing them out when you show your emotions. When you turn cold and distant they freak out.

Lightbulb moment here on the question, "WHY?!", almost 35 years after divorcing someone who undermined me professionally (classical music) and ruined our family. I saw supporting his ambitions as natural and beneficial to us as a family, even after his affair with our colleague started 2 months after our child ( planned together) was born. The affair only ended after I got a job in the country he had always wanted to work in. After that, he must have feared that, if I was successful, I would leave him (though I was hell-bent on keeping my family whole). It took me TEN LONG YEARS (!?!?!) to be able to leave him - exhausted and broke but employable in office work. I spent a few months on welfare before changing careers and getting invited (!?!?) to get a degree in international law from a European university. He still destroyed our family, may he rot in hell. 🤮Namaste, and thank you for your luminosity, Dr, Ramani!🙏🌷

One of the times he was angrily claiming I had NOT told him X, Y, Z, I finally went searching in my texts just to see. I found it and showed it to him, including his response that okay, got it. He looked, started to laugh, and said, "I guess you did. But it isn't important, so I don't know why you're getting so upset."

@marydipietro8124

8 ай бұрын

So completely typical. Encompasses their whole attitude: Whatever you think, want or need doesn’t count.

It’s shocking how clueless and disconnected my parents/family can be from my needs rights and boundaries, let alone how their toxic behaviour negatively affects me. I’ve given up trying to show them, and I now focus on myself and my life, not tolerating any of their or anyone else’s abusive crap. Reorganizing my friend group also. I no longer fear rejection. Focus on safe relationships. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤

@soniahathaway1

8 ай бұрын

Me too! ❤

@babyshooz

7 ай бұрын

🤍🤍🤍

@user-lu3wg9ch8y

7 ай бұрын

I know the feeling. I even went to a relative, explaining what was happening, and he is taking the narcissists side. That's how clever and vindictive they can be. I'm still in shock on this one. Stay strong and PLEASE, Start breathing again and ENJOY every day for YOU!! ❤

I gave up on honest answers and getting him to help around the house twenty plus years ago. I just do everything myself as if I lived alone. It's exhausting, but not as exhausting as his tantrums when he doesn't want to do something. When I need him to really listen, I literally have to make him look directly at me, tell him, then have him repeat it back to me. Then I have to ask him again later, to make sure it sank in. It is maddening! If I could, I would pack up tomorrow.

@robinantonio8870

8 ай бұрын

My mother will never give me notice when she wants me to do something. I have asked again and again and she does not do it. Then when I get angry because she expects me to drop everything for her for something she could have given me notice about, I am " bullying " her if I complain that she has massively inconvenienced me expecting me to drop everything at a moment 's notice. She simply can't get why it infuriates me. If I say sorry can't do it right now, I get" don't bother then " in a sulky huffy way and silent treatment til she wants something again. Unbelievable

@mignonbaricevic36

8 ай бұрын

I so understand the having to get them to repeat it back to you. I started doing that as I realised he was just blinking blankly and had no idea what I was saying. He said he couldn't understand but everyone else understands just fine. Aargh

@annjohnson8437

8 ай бұрын

@robinantonio8870 My husband constantly did the same to our oldest son. Whenever our son was deep in preparation for big tests or working on massive school projects, my husband would suddenly decide he needed him to do (unimportant) tasks around the house to "earn his keep." It was so upsetting! Thank goodness my son finished college and has a great job and his own home now. My son calls and visits me when my husband is at work, so he doesn't have to deal with his horrible behavior. He is much happier avoiding him.

My most frequent reaction is to say, “I’m sure you’d like me to believe that.” Or I’ll say, “Whatever.” while having zero emotion on my face. My message or intentions are to convey that I’m “Unphuckwithable”. Say whatever you want. I’m completely unaffected. Then I walk away with my head high n my shoulders back. This posture is intentional. I’ve found that this attitude or approach to his 💩 is effective in shutting it down. I’ve only become this way after 40 years of marriage. It took a long time to get here. It still sucks to be here but I’m at a point of radical acceptance because I’m in my 60’s now. I can’t pay living expenses on my own so here I stay. I’m at a low point right now. I’m very depressed. No matter how effective my new non reaction is in shutting down gaslighting, it still is a miserable existence. I’m a shell of who I used to be. If you can get away, RUN and don’t look back!

@amberinthemist7912

8 ай бұрын

So many women are in your situation. You are strong to have survived so long trapped as you are. They are so good at financially trapping people. I hope you can get away at least in your mind. I wish there was some way of connecting all of us narc abuse victims, like undercover support groups.

@TallulahBelle3276

8 ай бұрын

@@amberinthemist7912 ,Thank you for your support and understanding. It really means a lot to me. That’s a great idea to start a support group. We can figure it out. I don’t have anyone I want to talk about it with in my life. I did leave for 12 years but succumbed to this abuse in a myriad of ways n went back. Coparenting didn’t allow me to go no contact with him. It broke me as a person. Not monetary. Sara Bareilles has a song called “She used to be mine”. The title is misleading because she’s singing about herself n how she’s lost herself. I relate to every word.

Yesterday, I did something for me. I knew my partner would "poo poo" the event. "Why are you going? Do you know anyone else going? When is it? Weren't you going to have the dishwasher fixed today?" Instead of caving to the questions intended to guilt or shame me, I just smiled as I grabbed the keys, "a breakfast burrito is in the frig. See ya later!" They didn't love or support that I was going, but, thanks to therapy, they knew I deserved to take care of my interests. Do I think they've changed in their core? No. Am I living a happier existence? Yep.

When I was a child my parents would tell my brother to take newborn kitties and "dispose" them. I would get so upset with pure horror. Many years later I did EMDR therapy for one of the particular incidents but it didnt work. I later realized that its a traumatic memory for me because I was shamed and punished for having emotions over it. They would say things like, "other people have it worse" we heard of situations of other people doing the same thing (like I was supposed to comfort them?) If this was something they had to do, due to poverty, they could have done it when I wasnt around. Fast forward a few years and they are known in town as the rescue couple that takes care of animals that need homes. I brought this situation up and how it still bothers me a few years ago and my mother flew into an absolute rage. Like how dare I bring something up, that she definitely did and then couldnt handle me being upset about it as a little girl who loved all her animals. Sickening.

@beverleyuntiedt1777

7 ай бұрын

My narcissist mother killed my father's two Siamese cats before she left him. She loosened the bolts of his car wheels hoping he'd die in an accident. She poisoned him with arsenic. Fortunately he left her and survived. But she got custody of us kids which was he'll on earth.

@labradorableretriever4490

7 ай бұрын

That is just terrible. Love it when they pretend to be the do-gooders but still that is incredibly disgusting. They don’t care about the animals they just cared about their reputation.

The final message at 45:20 it really hits me hard I started crying... I am so exhausted, I can't talk to people anymore, I went from a narcissistic home to another at a very young age, I literally gave up on my life and my future for someone who doesn't even acknowledge that. I can't go back living with my mother but there's no way I'm getting my life back in a place where I can't get joy and always being put down.

Yes. They don’t answer the question. After two miscarriages, during my third pregnancy, my obstetrician prescribed complete bed rest. From bed, I asked my husband for a sandwich and a drink of juice. He stood there for the longest time. No response at all, ever. It was totally bizarre. For the duration of my pregnancy, he never once brought food, never shopped for groceries, and never prepared food other than weekend breakfast oatmeal. This was long before supermarket delivery services, Uber Eats, and Door Dash. I continued food shopping and food preparation. My doctor moved me to the hospital for the last month of my pregnancy. I worked from bed half-time right up to the hour of my delivery. We were fortunate at that time to have a better than adequate income and 100% insurance coverage for medical costs. It wasn’t like he had to scramble to work harder at his career.

@thecustodian1023

8 ай бұрын

The not answering the actual question given to them thing is pretty easy to shut down. Just use standard formal debate tactics and protocol. Every time they deflect or go off on a tangent just drag them back to the topic by hitting them with the same question harder and harder while calling out their inability to answer the actual question for what it is. The primary narc in my life started avoiding me at all costs about a year and a half ago when I started using that format of interaction with them. Unfortunately the secondary 'useful idiot/flying monkey' one is too stupid to realize what I am playing to and tends to just help my case against both of them when interacting with her because she seems to still think that if she just lies hard enough long enough I will give up. 😆

@rosemaryclarke2348

8 ай бұрын

WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON! If you did get him dinner after that I hope it had an added ingredient in it!

@lydiabeg7387

8 ай бұрын

Im sorry you have to go through that. He definitely have no empathy. Unfortunately, narcissists don’t relate to your pain. He didn’t see it as his problem but yours when you carrying his child. Since they lie a lot they always think you making things up when you say bed rest. He stood there for the longest time because he can’t believe it’s true. He believe you are faking to get rest ( since they do it ). Hope you healed from this kind of relationship.

I learned early in childhood that expressing any kind of emotion other than smiling and agreement would a) result in punishment, b) provide satisfaction to my caregiver that her cold treatment towards me upset me. I learnt to shut down and not give anything away. I carried this into my adult relationships and now find it very difficult to stand up for myself and to express my feelings. I stuff them and remain stoic in the face of very obvious abuse. I can do that, and have done it, for years until I decide enough is enough and walk out of the relationship. I've come to the conclusion, after my last awful experience with a narcissistic tyrant that I'm happier, and safer alone.

@fleabitz1474

8 ай бұрын

Me too. Have you noticed that your ability to silently take abuse seems to bring out the bully in people? Like, even "normal" people are more likely to treat you badly because they know on some (probably subconscious) level that they can get away with it? I've had people say the most horrible things to me that I don't think they would dream of saying to anyone who wouldn't let them get away with it. What I can't figure out is, why does this feel good to them?

@Jess-kn8vl

8 ай бұрын

​@fleabitz1474 Yes I have! Im seeing it as something I need to work on with boundaries and how I present myself. But I feel like taking any accountability and being transparent is seen as a weakness these days! I have to be polite and short with responses because it seems like when I get into explaining something, thats where the jabs come in. Its almost like you have to pretend to be a jerk to get respect.

@fleabitz1474

8 ай бұрын

@@Jess-kn8vl Right, you have to be prepared to push back immediately, or even in some cases push first, and I would rather be polite and calm.

@VivatVeritas1

8 ай бұрын

@@fleabitz1474They are self-centered to a degree some of us can’t even imagine. It all starts with the need to feel superior. If they don’t, they feel inferior. They can only achieve a sense of superiority and have it confirmed by bringing other people down. The ones that don’t counterattack are of course ideal.

I am retired and I walk everyday for brain and prostate health. Jack my walking partner ( 2002 ) the retired Narcisist would make me go looking for him everyday, and he would arrogently not answer my texts ......not even once ? Then I would have to say everything 3 times and I was more tense after a 30 minute walk then I was before hand. FINALLY, a neighbor friend called " Brian " begged me to walk his dog that needs exercise due to digestive inflammation. PERFECT TIMING !! " Jack " was discarding me to be cruel anyway and said in a snide voice the night before ------> that he went walking with someone else the night before ....THEN HE SUDDENLY ....bolted for home a few houses away ?? So, I replied the next day ." JACK !! .... " LOOK , I replaced you with a small dog today .... ! " lol Then " Jack " went into a vocal cry and said......... " NO !! " NO !! " I think it was the cry of the Narcisit ..??......which is ....seldom heard by the human ear ......in the forest of life. Then he sadly, .....asked why he was replaced ..??...by a dog ? I said : " BASICALLY ,.......... " Maggie " is a super smart empath and she......LISTENS !!! .....when I talk ! " LOL LOL LOL And , I laughed but I think { THE WOLF } in me..... saw tears in his eyes.

@robig.5028

7 ай бұрын

I love that😂

@labradorableretriever4490

7 ай бұрын

👍👍👍 awesome! It’s OK for them to play with your mind but you do it to them. They can be funny and then you cut them out of the picture if you can. And a dog is so much better anyways. I think I’ll get and make a cut out when it comes to my mother. Maybe one day I can tell her you know I should just continue caring more about my guy Dog instead of continue to care about your bickering from halfway across the globe. That day will come. That was definitely a good way to manage it. Replace a narcissist with a dog or a cat or if you want to make a new friend a fuzzy one like a horse go right ahead.

@user-nd6so7yg2y

7 ай бұрын

@@labradorableretriever4490 Your very funny !! My joke about my Narc mother that used to say that :......." Children , don't need love or hugs." they just know how yYOU feel about them "?? My joke is that I didn't realize that other kids were getting hugs and bedtime stories till I was 16 ." WTF ?

They only care about how they look, and how they feel. And though they like to act like the hero, they also shirk from any outside (not their own idea) request to help, even with something critical. They are like kids who just want to continue playing with their own toys at their own pace, ALWAYS. Nothing shall inconvenience them.

I can relate to the ‘trash can’ issues. He had one household core to take the trash out and it was a fight each time and yes I got to the point I just took it out myself! After 25 years of marriage I left and now almost 2 years since my divorce was final! Freedom from narcissistic abuse is priceless! ❤

@ezra4518

8 ай бұрын

Same here, the best thing ever

It is hard to let go of the ‘idea’ of having a loving and successful marriage. That is why many don’t want to leave the situation they are in. It is like accepting defeat while dealing with guilt of abandoning a helpless ‘child’ who depends on your life energy to feed itself. Its either them or just you - alone.

That is when I pretty much stopped cleaning the house. I used to spend hours a day on baseboards and grout, etc. And he would come home and say, what'd u do all day? This is a pig stye. He was an expert on pig styes. ( I was also raising 4 kids pretty much alone, working part time and getting my Masters.) So, I figured it doesn't matter if I spent 24 hours a day cleaning and never eat or sleep. So, I stopped and the criticism stayed the same and I had like 40 hours a week for me and the kids. He finally left when his legal financial obligations ended (and it was almost as difficult as if I had left), but am happy and free now and don't get miganes anymore.

Thank you dr Ramani. Narcisists are maddening and If you are exposed to their crazy for a long time, it can sure make you crazy as well! Self-preservation means going no contact with those individuals or detaching emotionally at all costs.

Thanks to Dr. Ramani for clarifying my wonder for years about my Mom's "blank eyes" when I share about my health/my work/something about me which can not be her topic to share with her friends as a drama. Yet, if I explained about her health/her medicines/anything for her benefits, then her eyes light up. 😥

OMG. Yes. Not answering the pointed direct question! That was literally always happening in the narcissistic relationship

@harmonyvaneaton4101

5 ай бұрын

Yup. Those long non answers are lies.

I know this number. My needs only mattered if they were something that gave her power over me. Such as breakfast. Cook a big breakfast, and then berate me all day for eating like that because I'm diabetic. But refuse it, and on come the tears . . . And she still has the idea that she owns me because she gave birth to me, which I firmly disagree with.

Of the hundreds of narc videos I've watched over the years - THIS ONE is in my top 5. Thank You.

The N that I know has a dark cloud over them. I go away drained and I worry for them. They seem to want it that way. They can't/won't be helped/changed.

@lydiabeg7387

8 ай бұрын

Yes, it’s exhausting around those kind of people always. They think others should change and get help not them. They believe they are nice people ….they really can’t see themselves which is weird.

My father definitely exhibits narcissistic behavior and is also very self-righteously religious (Catholic). Catholics have a belief in a purgatory, a place where you suffer for a time, for your sins, before you are "pure" enough to go to Heaven. It's like a Hell that has a term limit. When I was young I once asked him, "what do you think purgatory is like?" He said "I imagine it being sat in a chair and having God ask you why you did every sin you ever committed against him." At the time I didn't understand why that was such a terrifying thing. But now, I think, "holy shit, his version of Hell is being held accountable for his actions." That's HELL for him. And even HIS HELL, he's not REALLY being held accountable, because his righteous life puts a time limit to it. It's not the ETERNAL suffering he would wish on others who don't believe the same thing.

I always have no right to my feelings, my opinion, my dismay, my turn, or my very thoughts.

You've mentioned at least several times, in various videos, that you've had personal experience with narcissistic relationships. I'm sorry for your pain you may have experienced from it. Thank you for reaching out to others to help instead of imploding in on yourself.

@Being_Bohemian

8 ай бұрын

This is such a warm-hearted, empathetic comment. I hope Dr Ramani sees it. 💜

I got accused of “henpecking” when I confronted this person with a question he was avoiding and got in his face for an answer; he made a big deal of being in a hurry but it was more instance of being blown off. Very upsetting…all of it…horrible…so destructive.

I'm really fed up living like this being in a narcissist relationship with my Boyfriend. It's exhausting and draining to the point where I don't feel like myself anymore. This treatment from him isn't right and I don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm starting to feel hatred, unhappy, loneliness,stressed and disguss towards him when he doesn't treat me nice.

The reason why no contact is almost unavoidable is: - They are always trying to get under your skin via a multitude of angles - This also impacts how others might view you - They blame you for their transgressions This process is so incredibly toxic and destructive when you simply want to have mutual human interactions, you have to completely shut them out of your life basically.

@thecustodian1023

8 ай бұрын

The key is to make them want to avoid you at all costs. It's a hard short game to play but pays well in the long run.

@rubberbiscuit99

8 ай бұрын

Yep

@synneazaro

8 ай бұрын

‘This is very true! No contact has helped me heal❤

@soniahathaway1

8 ай бұрын

No contact all the way!

My mother couldn't bake a cake because she refused to learn that preheating the oven first was necessary. This fact about her was part of why my therapist suggested she was a narcissist. So interesting to hear this aspect confirmed. I came out of the years I was her caregiver pretty banged up, but I still feel sorry for her.

@thecustodian1023

8 ай бұрын

My dad is the same way. He sees himself as being smarter and more capable than everyone else because he is the one who orders others to do stuff for him. When left to his own he is comically inept at pretty much everything except placing blame on everyone else for his failures to function. 🤣

@AlexLouiseWest

8 ай бұрын

It’s very hard if you have to be the carer for a narcissist. I hope life continues to improve for you.

@ambermillion3177

8 ай бұрын

My grandmother refused to Learn how to pump gasoline!

@pamelamartin6986

8 ай бұрын

@@AlexLouiseWest Thank you. She died a few years ago and I'm getting good help now.

Dr. Ramani, please include risky sexual acting out when you make these lists of negative impacts of children growing up with narcissistic parents. It is so overlooked and underdressed!!!

Omg this was my whole life. Getting lectures about how I don’t do anything and I could at least take out the trash (even though I always did). The few times I forgot to take it out, because I was taking care of a baby, I was reamed for it.

Bless everyone who is feeling low due to a narcissist, keep your spirits up. I can't imagine how many stories Dr. Ramini hears or should I call them horror tales.

I was tested with ADHD and was being treated. A realtor tried to say I was just trying to score meds. It was deeply Hippa violating maddening. I even went before two judges and it was confirmed. What’s with narcissists trying to get even my health care providers in trouble

This video is spot on. To this day I can't tell people my hopes, dreams, wants or needs. It's as if they don't exist. Childhood destroyed my autonomy. And there was never a more true statement that narcissism is where emotions go to die.

My mother says that she can only listen to me if I make it short, like 10 seconds, but she expects me to listen to her for hours. I thought she was ADHD utill this video. I guess her compulsive lying is also due to her narcissism...

For months now I’ve been saying that my ex didn’t really fit the narcissistic profile, and based on things Dr. Ramani said, I thought that meant that I was in a relationship with a neglectful narcissist. That may well be the case; but the more I listen-and this video is very good example-the more I realize that my ex really did fit the narcissistic profile to a great extent.

@littlesongbird1

8 ай бұрын

I am a little sorry to say I dated one, was ex friends with one, and question if my mom was a narc mom. My ex showed up at my place one day complaining how he couldn't take living with his dad and moved in. At first it was good, he didn't work but I had two jobs (one full and one part) and he would clean and cook so I felt it was fair as time went by he would complain about doing chores (never about me paying his clothes and eye glasses and food) and that I left my clothes on the floor before going into work at 4 am. I told him leave the clothes and I will get them when I get home. I lost my part time job due to down sizing and we had an argument and then sat down and I told him that if he would get a job and contribute $, I would do more things around the apartment. So he went to a job his uncle got him and spent the next few weeks bragging about how he was making more than me and I went to college, and refusing to bring lunch and instead going out to eat with his coworkers. I just nodded and smiled because I knew things were going to be coming to an end if he didn't grow up. He got his first paycheck. He came home bragging about how much he got and how much cash he now had on him. I held out my hand told him what he owed me for his half of the rent and the food and he got a dumb founded look on his face and tried to justify not giving me any money. I told him that was the agreement: he had to pay for half the rent and the food now that he was working and I was doing more chores around the place since we were both working. He handed over the money and was complaining about how he shouldn't be paying for my car since he can't drive it (he had no license) or my phone (even though his friends always used to call him. I calmly went over the math with him about the rent and the the food and that I paid for the car, gas an insurance on my own even though I always had to drive him around and I was not including the phone bill but he could get afford a phone and plan with what was left over so what was the big deal. He called me selfish and started screaming so loud my land lord came in (he lived above us since this was a basement apartment) and threw him out since I was on the lease and he was fed up with my ex being a mooch. A couple of weeks later my ex's dad called me to tell me he got wind of what happened and for me to save his number and that if he is sorry excuse for a son ever showed up on my doorstep again he didn't care if it was late at night or snowing etc. Call him and he will drag his ungrateful butt home and for me to go find someone who appreciated me. (Rip my ex's father, any time I feel like I am being taken advantage of by someone I remember what you said and kick them to curb).

Question presented after Thanksgiving to narcissistic mom: what do we want to do for Christmas dinner? Response: If I buy the main entree will you cook? I agreed to the arrangement only to be told later that wasn't happening. Little brother was cooking at her house- they had voted on it and she was antagonistic about the matter. Breadcrumbs? Transactional? Triangulation? It opened my eyes wide open. My husband and I went to a buffet for Christmas dinner.

Ive heard thise kinds of things since birth. This is spot on! In my childhood, it I showed any emotion it was often met with disdain and annoyance. My mother would be dismissive and minimize my experience and how it made me feel. I was told I was "being dramatic: and to "Knock it off". I would hear "Come on, stop." Or "Why are you going on about this.". I felt so unseen at home. I felt like I was a burden, like I was inconveniencing them by expressing my feelings. Even while enduring a tremendous amount of trauma I rarely spoke about it or how it made me feel. I quickly learned my role and played it. I tried my best to just fly under the radar. But to this day I still deal with it. As an adult I still have to navigate my mom and the rest of my family but over the years I've gotten pretty good at it. I also got pretty good at finding and being in a relationships with toxic people and narcissists. My ex is one of the meanest, cruelest, most hateful people I've ever met. She was abusive during and after the relationship. After we ended (due to her cheating) I asked her why she wasn't willing to go to therapy with me. She walked upbto me got inches away from my face stared me in the eyes and said "because you're not worthy. You don't matter" She used my childhood sexual tauma against me. One time I was crying and trying to get her to hear what I was saying, truly hear me and while I was talking she abruptly interrupted me mid-sentence and said "Can you stop crying it's making me feel bad.". That blew my mind. She hurt me and I'm trying to speak about that and she had the audacity to say I was upsetting her!? Throughout our relationship she would say and do things that broke me more and more, and by the time that we ended I was destroyed. I was broken. I was a shell of person and didn't know how to function. I was lost, and grieving. Grieving something that I created in my mind. Grieving a person that isn't real. Grieving myself and the person I once was. The person I once was, was/is gone and unfortunately she is never coming back.

@kellycurtis4483

4 ай бұрын

But, now, you have a choice to become a new person. 🌸 We can’t go back to who we used to be. But, we can heal from this. And, hopefully start to see a new path and will find ways to love ourselves and be a person free of the pain we had to endure. I hope you find your way. It’s not always easy. But, you can move one foot in front of the other, a little bit each day. You will get there. Even if you can’t see where you’re going.

Yes I remember when I was in my Toxic relationship, I couldn't understand how he was able to get me to become emotional, I would cry, I was so happy when I stopped crying! By the end of the five year relationship I stopped wanting to say anything to my ex. I felt like no matter what I said or asked I felt like he was trying to put me down or he would say things in a sarcastic manner. I was so happy when I finally got out of the relationship. 😊😊😊 I now have a peace of mind, no more crying, I've gained my inner strength back, I will never let someone rush me to get into a relationship!!

@collectivemindsunique7945

8 ай бұрын

Happy for you 💕

@MegaRose1958

8 ай бұрын

@@collectivemindsunique7945 Thank you!

I want out of this relationship/situationship, but it's dangerous.

@SuprEmpth

8 ай бұрын

How?

@Being_Bohemian

8 ай бұрын

I might be misreading your comment, but there are helplines online or by phone / shelters etc. if you're being controlled to the point of danger.

The comment about the narcissist enjoying others walking on eggshells for him describes my late father-in-law very well. It was like he was the mayor of his own little town who could get every need met no matter how badly he treated people because they all wanted access to his money.

The people that (brought me up) were SO SERVERLY IMPULIVE, we would have the creditors calling us, as kids growing up we were told Don't answer the phone unless you knew who was calling." They were always trying to keep up the Joneses ON A social assistant budget. With that being said, now that I'm an adult on my own, I've actually learned how to be really financially responsible only because I didn't want creditors coming after me I didn't want to experience what the hell they were going through. So I made a vow to myself when I was a teenager that I would never end up like that, and I still haven't.

I've walked on eggshells so long just to get along with my adult kids. They minimize my feelings and situations while their petty bs issues are maximized. I have learned to let them be right and avoid any debate to ease my hurt and anxiety. Radical acceptance comes after years of trying to get through have failed. I've learned how to survive with Dr Ramani's help. ❤

My mom & I used “walking on eggshells” frequently to,describe how we felt when visiting my sibling’s family - both around them & their spouse. Complete no contact is restful.

@lysas781

8 ай бұрын

Sometimes being away from the narc is comforting and peaceful. Your true self can expand and breathe.

@rachelshaw____

6 ай бұрын

@@lysas781Very well said.

Told to “calm down” and “did you take your meds today”.

OMG the not answering questions thing was constant!!! That literally made me crazy!

Have been told: ALL OF THE ABOVE!!! Disengaging emotionally has been a godsend, Dr Ramani. If I need to cry I leave the house or cry in the shower. Every time I feel I'm yielding I pull up a couple of your videos. Thank you!

A sibling paid dearly for their disdain when we passed on info from a financial advisor about the imminent burst of an investment bubble. They looked down their nose and then lost all their investments & their job since they had all their eggs in the same basket.

I would often ask my ex narcissistic husband, are you listening to me, or did he hear what I said. Light bulb moment, thank you Dr Ramani. You continue to inform and help me make sense of all that has occurred.

My mother in law. Its so bad she would look away after she asked me a question. And to think all these years people said to be patient with her. Dealing with her and others like her led to exhaustion.

Yes, not listening was/is one of my biggest pet peeves. My mother it notoriously bad at listening unless it's about her and her interests. She often interrupts with stupid, random crap that no one was talking about, and blatantly ignores or gets angry if someone else is trying to talk.

I lived with someone like this. These videos have been very healing for me because of the blaming me for everything. This man would sigh every time I spoke and turn his back so i would talk to the back of his head or he would walk away. And he never answered any questions. I asked him to leave my home for over four years and he finally left a month and a half ago and is even nastier to me than before he left. I did not prepare for the triggers of trauma nor did i know living with a narcissist would create trauma.

You have a way of explaining things exactly the way they are...EXACTLY!!!

I'm not CERTAIN that my mother was a narcissist, but I've always referred to her as a Matriarch. She ruled the roost, and wasn't very sensitive to our needs, if she ever knew what they were. She was a workaholic, and would say, you won't be depressed if you keep yourself busy and stop thinking abt things so much.😢

Thank you especially for #5. I sure was willing to exhaust myself in a last attempt to make things loving and kind. Key word: WAS.

"Relationships are depleting by definition" how true this statement is and totally encompasses the way I've noticed my relationships go. Thank you for your insight Dr. Ramani! So helpful

@soniahathaway1

8 ай бұрын

I did the trying to reconnect with elderly narc mother. What hell that was! I am happy to leave her with her flying monkeys and enablers.! I have such a serene life without all of them! Thank you for your priceless help and validation. ❤

You articulated so well why arrogant dismissal is such a trigger for me and exactly what the root relationship dynamic was. You're right that the narcissist will "win" this dynamic bc you eventually just do it yourself, it is exhausting to either do that back & forth or to validate them for basic things. My win was only achieved by leaving. Thank you for your expertise

Thank you so much for this video, I grew up with two narcissistc parents, my father was extremely violent and abusive, so I had to be submisive to avoid the punnishment, his death made me feel releaf , but I have been living like a hermit since I was a teenager(now I'm 44) I can't form relationships and I was diagnosted with schizoid personality disorder and there's practically no treatment for it ( Sorry if I made any English mistakes)

They can't inhale anything new. Their stomach is already full 😂😂

Ive suffered many illnesses since being with my narc. And getting worse 😢

@SharronFritz-kc6sx

8 ай бұрын

So sorry to hear this I am suffering from illness to dealing with my narc husband I am sick alot I can tell my health has went down after being with him for 31 years he hide his mask but he's not ashamed to show it know

@sw129sj

6 ай бұрын

I’ve been exhausted. So exhausted.

@SharronFritz-kc6sx

6 ай бұрын

I know it's is so exhausted dealing with a narcissist

Oh my word. You have stepped into my house. You are quoting hundreds of conversations we have. Please do more role plays, this is SO validating.

Their answers usually only come out by accident or at times of high emotions they will just let it all out. And then I will just try to piece things together the best I can to make sense of reality

I asked my husband after moving in with him to make an internet in the house. I had to send big files abroad cause of my work and i needed strong internet. I couldn’t do it myself cause i was new in the country and didn’t have any documents yet. It took him 9 MONTHS to make it. I gave birth by that time! And every time i was reminding him about it he would get angry and tell me im controlling and pushy…. Bingo

My favorite deflection is “Do you have a problem with me?"

💯 percent correct I've been cleaning my floors. I've been cleaning the dishes. I've been doing the laundry for the past. Who knows how many decades and my wife goes and cleans the floor one time and she makes it a big deal. Oh I did all the floors. I did all the corners I did this I did that and I'm looking at how like and I've been doing it for years crazy behavior I never get a thank you or show some appreciation

The kick they get outta egg shelling you is downright sickening 😒

@aaganimehta1498

4 ай бұрын

Your profile pic is pretty.

Yeah, I am completely insane now, officially maddened. I really need advice on how to maintain my sanity, so I can improve my health enough to get away. Eat healthy, exercise, play guitar, no drugs, don't attack the narcissist, and at least clean enough to keep the roaches to a minimum. It is awful living with violent narcissists because they start fights and you win then it is jail (and guilty feelings) and if you lose, possible permanent bodily harm.

Ugh- so true. If any facts challenged his narrative, he'd explode. I realized he'd only listen when it was something to be used for future ammunition against me. He didn't pay his bills on time, he never cleaned his house or car, his yard was a mess, and in hindsight, I don't think he showered regularly. Menial tasks were beneath him- he was still trying to farm tasks out to his "ex" girlfriend. Quite the actor, living in his warped world.

When i was trying to get my ex to tell me why she read my journal, sat on it for a month, attacked me with the information, and took pictures of it. By the time i figured out (she never straight told me she just threatened to show me her "proof") the most i got was "i dont know." "You lied to me." "You left it out on your desk" "You did things too." "I didnt think you be this hurt" Never did she say why in that moment she went out of her way to go to my desk and sit down, with her phone, read it front to back (half hour to read it). She didn't say sorry until i actually left with my stuff. It still drives me crazy.

@dianaw451

8 ай бұрын

Sorry it still drives you crazy but remember you won because she is your EX WIFE. Live your life the way you want to now.

@MyOwnPersonalFantasy

8 ай бұрын

My narc husband stole my phone and I use the notes as my journal and he stole it and read my entire diary for hours and used it against me too. It had spanned years, even prior relationships and all of it. I've never felt so invaded and disrespected. It was like psychological r*pe. A horrible thing to do.

HR only has the company’s interest they work for, not the employee. just an FYI. dont trust them.

@bellaluce7088

8 ай бұрын

YES!!!! Learned the hard way and have watched MANY friends and colleagues learn it the hard way too. The way many of them *pretend* to be on the employees' side to sucker you in is grotesque. That said, if your documentation of issues is a PR or legal risk for the company, their loyalty to The Man can still get you help.

@Being_Bohemian

8 ай бұрын

👌

😅you have just described him I thought I’m the problem because of repeating myself over and over asking the same question..

Your title to this video is an understatement!