Anyone else here really young trying to figure your trauma out before you become an adult so you don’t become too toxic to other people

@karalynspeaks4267

3 жыл бұрын

Yes I’m trying to understand it now

@bdc2001

3 жыл бұрын

this is so beautiful 💛 keep it going little one

@LoveNeverFails1

3 жыл бұрын

I wish I'd had this resource when I was younger but honestly I'm not sure I was aware yet of how the damage was affecting my life till I was in my mid 30s. Accepting it took a few more years. I hope you find healing earlier than I did. This channel has some of the best information and tools for healing that I've come across in my searching. To be aware of the need to heal at your young age is a blessing. ❤💚💙

@155dorcas

3 жыл бұрын

Just remember that childhood traumas are just one big part of the damage done- as we grow into adulthood, there will be other coping mechanisms that we develop so this is a continuous journey! It’s a beautiful journey that we’re all on in life and I hope you guys don’t stress so much on how fast you can get this “done”. I think it’s amazing to have other like minded young people here who are so willing to break the cycles :) we’ll be ok guys

@155dorcas

3 жыл бұрын

It’s also not just about being toxic to other ppl and more so understanding ourselves better so we can give ourselves compassion- i think that will almost automatically allow us to have compassion towards others and not be toxic

“Everyone gets a dog” Me: say no more

@elpunpun8487

3 жыл бұрын

With that im in

@ilikeshinyobjekts

2 жыл бұрын

Right??? As a collector of plushies and generally cute things, I was immediately on board lol

@captainkacke1651

2 жыл бұрын

Can i get a cat

@akiraandrews5630

2 жыл бұрын

@@ilikeshinyobjekts Fr lol

@turtleskyeyes

2 жыл бұрын

I’m getting a cat or a unicorn. This would be what I would have picked as I child and I think this will help the challenge connect even more. I feel like the actual animal isn’t as important as how you do the work with the chosen stuffed animal.

I'm a simple girl. I see a therapist holding a stuffed animal and I click like.

I didn't realize how bad my childhood was until I saw my little nieces grow up with happy, normal lives. They have friends, they have birthday parties, they have good-fitting clothes, they have proper hygiene, their parents don't yell at them/spank them. I'm so happy they get to have that and I love seeing them enjoy life, but it also reminds me how bleak and depressing my childhood was.

@nataliawieseltier9594

Жыл бұрын

❤️

@pinkcupcake4717

Жыл бұрын

I didn't grasp how horrible my childhood was until my nephews came along. The older is so full of joy, and even at his most fussy toddler he doesn't act in fear or anger. And the little one is a little infant. Holding a one month old in my arms crushed my soul. Who could strike something so delicate? Hit something for not being able to speak?

@auchmalwassagen

10 ай бұрын

Same here. I’m always torn between deep joy that my little nice grows up so normally & healthy and pain about my childhood. Not one single day of it was like what she gets every day with her mum and/or dad beeing around, aware of here needs, loving, generous..

@eladan867

8 ай бұрын

Things like that make me depresses and very, very sad 😧 That some children are enjoy by the parents not treated like burdens😕 Their life birthdays are celebrated and they have space to thrive make friends be happy not become hype vigilance for danger 😖 This is not way to live 😞

@moniqueloupe8867

Ай бұрын

This emotional tug of war is real. It's even healing to see others in healthy childhoods, but we're still there, with all these wounds we never deserved. It's beyond depressing, it's infuriating, unbelievable, outrageous, it's crazy-making, and it's just so damn unfair. We were just as innocent those children, just as worthy, with just as much love and potential. How deep does the evil have to run for our brain chemistries and neuropathways to be changed to such a degree that we are afraid of literally everything? Can you even imagine that happening to your nieces/nephews, can you even picture it in your mind? I have a niece and a nephew and I can NOT.

i wish i didn't feel like i lost my childhood and teenage years to trauma... it's terrible, feeling like you never had the time to normally grow up, and then you get adult responsibilities thrown at your face and simply don't know how to deal with them like a functioning person. how can i be an adult already, i didn't even get to be a teenager, to enjoy being a kid. i'm working on that, but still, i will never get back the years i've lost and it's the most difficult thing to accept for me. you're doing an amazing job, thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.

@shivanijh6479

2 жыл бұрын

You wrote what I couldn't speak. Thank you putting the voice to my situation. Thank you. 🙏

@MimiTheHamster

2 жыл бұрын

Ya it’s not fair to never get to be a proper young person, to have youth stolen.

@kitcat2449

2 жыл бұрын

This is so well put. Exactly how I feel. Wishing the best for you

@dudaarca

2 жыл бұрын

I literally cried reading your comment because i felt it... Im 24 but i feel like my childhood was a lie and that I never really had supportive and "real parents". Its hard to grow up so lonely and in a toxic environment and then try to be an adult.

@xerilaun

2 жыл бұрын

:(

My husband told me that I apologised for everything negative that happens. I didn't noticed it. So we made "a test", he told our friends that he was counting how much I apologise in one day and that they should tell him if I do when he isn't around. So we were on a party that day and he counted and our friends helped him. At that day I apologised over 300 times. He made some notes, too. So some examples: bad weather, someone hurt themselfs, I sneezed to loud, bus came to late, my husband couldn't find his phone. After that all agried to help me to not do that. So every time I apologise without noticing for things that don't need that I get a reminder. I do it less and less but sometimes it still breaks through.

@ashleychang7379

3 жыл бұрын

I have a friend that is working through the same issue. An erratic, volatile (caregiver) that demands you tend to their emotional instability can really do that to you. I hope your circumstances are improving and you're enjoying your life! :)

@foothillgirl7989

3 жыл бұрын

How wonderful that your husband would care enough to do that!

@d.c.3346

3 жыл бұрын

your husband is wonderful T__T

@mayday2211

3 жыл бұрын

ME too. Its exhausting feeling guilty for everything lol.

@tnijoo5109

3 жыл бұрын

I had a boyfriend that would always tell me I apologized too much and then I would immediately say sorry whenever he pointed it out.

My step mum sent me a tiny dog toy in the post and didnt tell me why, then when she sent me this link and explained why she sent me it i literally cried. I am so excited to try this for the rest of february and probably march too haha! Thank you so much!

@Nixie_536

3 жыл бұрын

💙💜❤

@alicelieu4441

3 жыл бұрын

You’re mum is super sweet 🥺

@oshinofalakoju5749

2 жыл бұрын

How did it go or how is it going? I'm curious to try this too.

@katherinetutschek4757

2 жыл бұрын

your step mom sounds like a silver lining

@sad-dx1lk

2 жыл бұрын

Past*

Patrick: Take this dog with you. I know, its gonna be silly My inner child: that is gonna be AmAzInG ✨

@amberv4223

Жыл бұрын

😊❤

@kpaxian6044

Жыл бұрын

Your inner child and my inner child sound like they'd be best friends.

@sulusu4812

11 ай бұрын

Animals are perfect precious souls.

@sunsetstormx

2 ай бұрын

Exactly. That was spot on.

@Natalia-fr5pd

28 күн бұрын

Haha I thought the same! High five! 😊

The doggie allows you a little bit of a pause (paws)...

@Michelle-qq4sd

3 жыл бұрын

😂🤣😅🐶🐾🐕

@annoniemos3809

3 жыл бұрын

Awwww

@jkchiang

3 жыл бұрын

round of a paws for this comment

@shely_D7vil

3 жыл бұрын

A "pawse", if you must

@mevebelanger

2 жыл бұрын

😱

Never judge the inner child, treat them like a good parent would. It's usually the outer child that acts out the needs of the inner child in an unhealthy way.

@hippityhoppity6313

2 жыл бұрын

I love how you worded this

@avaprod.8622

2 жыл бұрын

how do i make the difference between the inner child and outer child ?

@joyyu7753

2 жыл бұрын

@@avaprod.8622 inner child's voice is gentle. It's your true self, when you were just a little kid. Outer child's voice is louder and aggressive. She/he tries to help inner child but in non-productive and unhealthy ways. Ex: She's the one lashing out when someone is rude to you. Or is the voice that blames you when you made a mistake. Because she's louder, she often drowns out the inner child, who just needs safety, compassion and assurance. Both are in no fault, both need to be nurtured.

@fairwearth690

11 ай бұрын

@@joyyu7753 Well said! I've always struggled to find a way to articulate this myself, and you read my mind!! Thank you.

@victoriarosario3338

11 ай бұрын

@joyyu7753 What if you don't "know" what a good parent is? I'm still stumped... I really do appreciate your explanations. My outer child hates everything about me: "You ruin everything!"😰💔😥

It never dawned on me that all the horrible things I tell my self and all the horrible things people called me and I started believing them when I was a CHILD, I was just a child

@vulnikkura

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, my baby. :(

@eviezucchinimartini

2 жыл бұрын

i get stuck on this too. it's really sad

Whose here because they’re the eldest daughter and were forced to grow up and had no childhood and also had a horrible relationship with their father? 🙋🏽‍♀️

@rockinrobin222

2 жыл бұрын

i have the same experience word per word

@samk3291

2 жыл бұрын

Hi hello

@mroxannevh

2 жыл бұрын

lol a relationship with a dad how absurd.

@fai411

2 жыл бұрын

Ya summoned me? 😂

@merkive

2 жыл бұрын

woah, same

I've got 3 kids and cannot afford counseling. I am so grateful that you (and others) make videos like this. I've got to get myself together to take care of my family. Edit:Thanks for all the support to everyone who liked and commented. People like you all are what make the world beautiful and worth -fighting- _healing_ for. ❤

@lostinthecosmos6095

3 жыл бұрын

very proud of you for taking accountability, which is so difficult for some people to do.

@ToddyWithaHotdog

3 жыл бұрын

You are so capable of succeeding, you got this! ❤️

@sunnydaze80

3 жыл бұрын

You're a great mom!

@jenwavyy

2 жыл бұрын

btw if u or ur kids ever really need therapy most states offer it for free u just need like good reasons and to submit a lot of paperwork i get free therapy bc i have rlly bad depression hope that helps

@gulcinbetiner

2 жыл бұрын

Thats so adorable and admirable of you. Im sure the fact that you are aware enough to have even found this video shows you will be a great mother, im sending you strength and support xo

This video made me realise that I need a new therapist. She always goes on about me being controlled by my inner child but has never explained it, just told me that I need to become emotionally mature.

@julesv5670

3 жыл бұрын

I hope you find one that benefits you 💖

@n0ts0B9

2 жыл бұрын

Oh geez. That's pretty fucked. There are better therapists out there, but Tx shopping can be exhausting. A good indicator for whether they are good therapists or not is whether or not hearing their voice immediately calms you. I love mine, and in just the first 5-minute conversation we had over the phone I felt way calmer than I had felt in probably a number of years.

@1or3..

2 жыл бұрын

ah same. she’d always ask questions about my personal life, write things down on a piece of paper, and then just point out when i’ve been triggered or i stammer. she made me feel really dumb lol😅 in the end she broke up with me because she didn’t have the resources to help me with my level of problems... she then said she’d call me back with a referral but never got back to me :^/

@iloveprinceoftennis

2 жыл бұрын

@@1or3.. i relate, you’re not alone, went through two therapists like this T_T finally found a therapist that can really help me tackle my complex ptsd using the psychologytoday directory, she’s my fourth therapist in life and i appreciate her so much!! I hope you can find a therapist that can meaningfully help you too!!

@laurasullivan-king5930

2 жыл бұрын

How blaming and shaming. Not what any of us needs and not remotely helpful. May you find someone kind, caring and deeply knowledgeable.

Honestly the fact that you are putting these vids out for the public on KZread is so epic. It's too difficult to access resources, but even just these vids has definetly raised my awareness about my own trauma responses. It's a lot to realize how much my emotional responses actually drive my behaviour, but as I recognize it in my day, i see more patterns. This channel has great content, you are really improving the world by making these free! Cant wait to support on patreon someday when I can :)

@G2thesecondpower

3 жыл бұрын

I couldn't have put it better myself. These videos have made me realize I've just been in trigger city for most of my life. I'm ready for adult me step up and be the boss instead.

@Angel-jt2pl

3 жыл бұрын

@@G2thesecondpower im proud of you stranger !

I love how you called it "fight, flight, freeze, shame, submit." I've heard in multiple places that the "female" version of "fight or flight" is "tend and befriend." Like, men are supposed to respond with destructive combativeness and women are supposed to respond with constructive nurturing. I think that's toxic and limiting to all genders. I would like to learn more about what shame and submit look and feel like. I'm not sure about trying the dog challenge yet, but I'm considering it.

@BadWolfSilence

2 жыл бұрын

That is definitely toxic, I agree. I’m a woman and I often have a fight reflex. XD Many women do. Thanks for your comment about this. :)

@pheonixrises11

2 жыл бұрын

rendering men to be the default, as usually “flight or flight” is considered a human response, is… dehumanizing, haha

@updated_autopsy_report

2 жыл бұрын

why does one have an ‘or’ and the other ‘and’ you never hear people say ‘fight AND flight’ lmao

@benfrank8649

2 жыл бұрын

I get confused about the idea that females “tend and befriend” I’ve also heard that before. So it’s my understanding the stress (fight or flight reaction) occurs is life or death situations. The famous getting chased by a tiger or defending from an intruder. I don’t see how tend and befriend as stress response works at all. You wouldn’t have time to be pro social when you are in immediate danger

@catcatcathamster

2 жыл бұрын

I've never heard of this, maybe I am in a weird position? I react to absolutely everything with fight, flight if I am with someone who can be hurt. I am female and have anger issues, the other day a bottle of alcohol fell and hurt my foot bad, I took it from the floor and abused the bottle until satisfied. I learned to never hurt animals from caring for them and don't get mad at them, but people? One time I knocked off a classmate because she thought it was funny to touch my bruise and it hurt

I’m 58 and just now realizing so much.

@colouredlioness2199

3 жыл бұрын

Proud of you both for willing to do the hard work!!!💞

@priyasachdev5262

3 жыл бұрын

I am 40..going through the same phase...

@MsKariSmith

3 жыл бұрын

I'm 68 and always wondered why I didn't have friends for very long. It hurt, then as time went by, I just told myself that I probably said something they didn't like and therefore it was my fault. Have a narc. mom, still do, she is now 93 and still causing me stress. But I have been learning all about narcs, ( for the last 3 years) and now about me and the life I have endured. I have a lot of work to do. But I haven't given up yet, I do get depressed, but then I have a talk to myself...and try to carry on. Learning, and healing. I am glad I found Dr. Teahan, he has wonderful insight into how we feel and deal. Of course to know how a broken leg feels, you have to have had a broken leg.

@LOLOsugoi

3 жыл бұрын

@@MsKariSmith better late than never. At least you can recover now. And it matters for you, now.

@lori6616

3 жыл бұрын

41 its ruined my life

Anyone else here in their 30s dealing with trauma from growing up with a narcissistic mother?

@hiitsme4429

2 жыл бұрын

I'm 19 and yes.

I work professionally in animal welfare, specifically with dogs who have been through trauma ie)abandonment, cruelty, neglect, abuse, no sense of boundaries, fearful, reactive, aggressive, etc etc ... I’m also in therapy for my childhood trauma (raised by two narcissistic parents as well as coexisting w an enabling/victimized/GC sister.) A lot of the time I will tell my therapist how I perceived a situation and she will ask me, “so if you were one of your dogs, how would you comfort yourself? What would you do to get through to that dog? What does that dog need?” I realized it was her trying to get me to relate and make a more personal connection ...and it works. It makes a lot of sense to me when I rephrase situations in that sense. I found this comical and totally relevant to my personal experience with working through childhood trauma. Great strategy! 🐶

@siiiriously3226

3 жыл бұрын

omg thats, genius...if i lack selfcompassion and i would imagine how i would treat my doggo instead...

@ashleychang7379

3 жыл бұрын

I love this, bless you and your work!

@The_Soulful_Ginger_

3 жыл бұрын

@@ashleychang7379 thank you ❤️❤️❤️

@jasperk5562

3 жыл бұрын

Haha, that's probably why these vids click so well for me after working in a daycare!

@Grandessaful

3 жыл бұрын

That’s a great idea. I work with horses. Since what they want from a human is “safety,” there is so much benefit to working with them❤️

You have Robin Williams eyes, so kind and sweet.

the fact that this was randomly recommended to me today-the day my grandmother passed away, makes me absolutely scared of the yt algorithm or questioning my beliefs because this must be my grandma telling me to finally get my shit together.

I learnt a couple years ago that your brain shuts down and you can't think when you're triggered. Thing is I was triggered when around people all the time. I actually thought I had a learning disability😅

@Lyrielonwind

2 жыл бұрын

You may be surrended by jerks; there are far too many.

@capgains

2 жыл бұрын

Wow me too. I am in school now and although I can think at times; a little stress and I shut off. This is a very serious problem, but I think you may be onto the root of your thinking issue. Mine too

@magnificentpup2875

Жыл бұрын

One time I did something horrible. My boss was snapping me at work on the 2nd day when I had to quickly ring up a customer. I zoned out so hardcore for about 20 seconds (there was no daydreaming or thinking - I literally just stopped existing for 20 seconds) And then zoned back in and realized I’d pause and stood completely still for 20 seconds while I was supposed to keep ringing them up. They were so confused.

@guitartolearn

Жыл бұрын

Yes this part really resonated with me. If I have decisión to make my brain shuts down and I get stuck, then anxious. Maybe this is how I coped with things as a child.

@sulusu4812

11 ай бұрын

​@@magnificentpup2875that's not horrible. Not at all.

I am using a stuffed tardigrade for my inner child. I told my friends at work and one of them said, "Then did you know your inner child is one of the most resilient animals on earth?" Too true, too true. 😎

@WW-ob7ek

3 ай бұрын

Nodody gets your joke. But, yeah, I get it.

@sunsetstormx

2 ай бұрын

How did you find out about this amazing unusual animal? I just looked it up and that is totally fascinating!!!!!😊

I just finished watching all your videos and they are very helpful. I appreciate how you acknowledge the "tricky family" situations where the trauma is from less obvious behaviours and neglect. Thank you!

@burgundyyearwood7376

3 жыл бұрын

My family was a "gaslamp" but tricky works too!

Coincidence...I went food shopping the other day and came home with a little cute teddy bear 🧸

The Core Belief handout was super insightful and helpful. I highlighted every belief that resonated with me, then wrote the complete opposite (i.e. "I'm worthless" becomes "I'm worthy"). Now I have a list of positive affirmations tailored to exactly what my inner child needs to hear :)

Bonus points if the dog is an actual childhood toy 😆 (I thought I’d have to go buy one and then I realized I had kept one from years ago!)

When I was 17, I'd journal and create a dialogue with my child self to deal with stressful situations. I still feel sometimes that my child self has more control and knowledge. Even watching this video, my child side is screaming inside like "BUT I WANT CONTROL" its neat to see how popular inner child healing has become over the recent years. I'm curious to try this method. Thank you so much!

Did this and de-activated two triggers. Excited to find what else I can let go of. Thank you, Patrick

Every time the dog pops up, I grin like a little child. So cute! Hard to concentrate. My eyes just follow it around.... I’ll have to try to listen to this again later... 😁

@MrBrezelwurst

2 жыл бұрын

haha same :)

@Ab-ub2ii

2 жыл бұрын

Same happens with me too 🤗 it's so cute

I'm wearing a cutesy pink and black bracelet with a heart on to remember my inner child. A reminder for anyone who doesn't want to carry a toy. It simply needs to be on you where you can see it often. It has been working really well for me. I kept forgetting to consider my inner child. Thanks Peter your work is healing my heart

I cried at the end of this video, not that it was sad or anything just that I realized how much relearning and healing I have to go through. How I'm not crazy for feeling or thinking the way I do most of the time and how I'm not alone. I do hope I get through this 30 day inner child challenge because for some reason I find myself never being able to finish what I started or literally FORGETTING that I started something. PS I've acknowledged that my childhood self DID go through trauma and it wasn't my fault. That's my first step I guess.

@sunsetstormx

2 ай бұрын

I am the same way. I start things and then I don't finish them. I can finish my work and I can finish those kinds of things but when it comes to this kind of stuff especially anything that has to do with making myself better emotionally mentally etc it's always hard to finish

Today, I created an argument& screaming to my parents about my puppy being tied in the balcony. My dad ended up ignoring me, and mom was constantly cutting me off, not letting me finish and blaming me... ext. When i went to my room; bunch of “core beliefs” resurfaced. I couldn’t help but cry tons and cuddle my puppy which calmed both of us down and we fell asleep for straight 3-4 hours. Now; my front lobe is more active; and I’m re thinking my act. My thoughts that re surfaced. Can’t wait to do this challange for the next 30 days, since I needed emotional work but didn’t know where to start. I guess awareness can be a great start. I also actually have a sheep toy from my childhood, that my puppy uses rn, I’ll be stealing that away from her for the purpose of this :) great video. Can’t wait to log in back again.

@cinemaspin

2 жыл бұрын

It isn't just your emotions. You had a legit reason to get upset at your parents for what they did. A puppy shouldn't be tied on any balcony.

@pumpkinwaffles7569

2 жыл бұрын

i hope you and your puppy are okay now

“getting the adult part into place” me, a teenager: interesting

I have been wrestling with self-hatred, panic attacks, fear, and confusion for 20 years in my search for peace with my abusive childhood. I don't know why this video was recommended to me, but I am so thankful it was. I am taking notes, I am doing the homework, I am in therapy, I am reading, I am crying. I have never felt like freedom from the toxicity I experienced was possible until now. Thank you, Patrick, not only for making these videos but also for explaining everything so thoroughly. I will be returning to these videos and resources several times during my journey. I feel heard and validated and understood for the first time in my life. Things are making sense now. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I know this is weird but because of trauma, if i want to do anything, i won't be able to continue it if i make even a small mistake. it's more of a fear of punishment that followed back in the day. Everybody has shamed me over this but thing is, it bothers me myself. i want to be freed of it. i'll try this method, thank you 🖤

why is therapy so damn expensive? im a teen and my mother doesnt believe in mental health i self diagnose myself and become my own therapist because i cant live just being in pain and in negativity. you know what i really am so done with always trying to heal myself i just wanna shut down now because the process of healing is so hard and the fact that i will always be back with my toxic narcisstic mother scares me because i know i will lose my sanity. leave? yeah tried that long story short i cant leave her yes rip my mental health. but i just wanna be happy. normal. young. is that too much to ask?

I spend 2 years on you tube listening about narcissisam, trauma, ptsd, reading books, and I finally descovered the whole Mystery in this video! Wow! Thank you so much! You are awwsome!💡💡💡🙌🏻

Daaaayyyuumm I was in CBT therapy for YEARS before anybody brought up these "core beliefs" to me. There's a lot of therapists out there who don't know half of what I know now, or they just never thought to share this knowledge with me. I'm rolling my eyes ugh Thank u, I'm going to think about my specific "core beliefs" and how to address them!! There is finally a path forward for me!

Wow. Reading those core beliefs. I have no idea I could get a stomach ache just from getting upset from a guy reading on youtube. Dang.

@audriiiiroberts3030

2 жыл бұрын

It like paralyzed me.

Ok, so maybe nobody will read this since this video is from a while age, BUUUT, I've been trying this whole comforting the inner child and OMG, I've never felt so free. So far today was the first day where I lived without so much anxiety and shame. I told myself it is ok to take up space and have a voice because for the longest time I was always shamed by my parents for a lot of things including even just having growth spurts. Everything threatened my parents so now I always feel like I'm intruding or not supposed to be where ever I might find myself. Thank you Patrick!! I'm so glad I found this channel and I'm looking forward to making more progress :")

This is a wonderful awareness exercise. If I don’t hear back from a family member or someone I value in a timely manner, my inner self would switch automatically in feeling abandoned, not valuable or lovable. But, now after re-listening, I’m able to (pause) and tell inner self that that’s the abandonment feeling surfacing and to allow the adult self to come on line and assuage those hurt feelings from the past. It’s about becoming more and more aware, exhaling, assuring my inner child that it’s ok. We got this. And on an aside from another video: I liked how you stated that this work is a process, it takes time, it’s not like getting a haircut , it all takes time. Thank you for that. I can go easy on myself.

I can't Express enough how useful this video was for me. I've just typed up all the core beliefs to help me commit them to memory. I have so far managed to get it down to 16 for me. I have turned them around into positive statements because as I was typing them I worried about the message I was putting out to the universe and I have now stuck them up as daily affirmations for myself to read. I.e. My needs ARE important. This is so powerful, I am going g to try so hard to explore my triggers for 30 days. Thank you

@JasperIllusian

3 жыл бұрын

oh this is a great idea, ty

@charmainephasoana6850

2 жыл бұрын

This is me when I write down the negative thoughts, I quickly become aware of what I put into the universe. 😂

Going to do this but with a bunny. I used to love stuff bunnies. This is so much needed. Thank you so much.

@victoriasmees5625

3 жыл бұрын

Watching this in bed with my plush bunny on my lap

@sunshine9122

2 жыл бұрын

@@victoriasmees5625 🐰

@R.F.9847

Жыл бұрын

Also using a stuffed bunny. It might be slightly larger than Patrick's little puppy and it's not very floppy, but I've had it since I was a child and it's very special to me for sentimental reasons. I think it's important that our stuffy proxy has meaning to us.

Your skills, kindness and insight are mind-blowing!

"Wow! I've sucessfully eliminated lots of these!" *Gets to caretaking* "Oh..."

This video is a brain trying to help other brains control themselves

I'm bingeing your videos and realizing my father is low-key narcissistic and I have a LOT of issues

It’s so weird to see someone vocalize what you have been doing unconsciously for years. I have a stuffed animal that I’ve had since I was 7. To this day I have him and I take him pretty much everywhere. It’s very “grounding”. It helps a lot.

Im in my early 30s and I dont feel like I have lived my life because of it.. I dont feel my age at all mentally.. I feel like theres so much stuff i need to wade through before I can even start on the journey back to finding who I really am.. And I'm hoping these videos and your advice will help me

@zacharyheritage1438

7 ай бұрын

Hello, how has it been 2 years later?

“Imagine a child who had to come up with these beliefs to survive their childhood” That really hit me deep. 😢 I just want to give little me a hug so so badly.

I have been practicing this for 10 days (if I do not take my stuffed lion with me, I just try to remember about him). I marked my feelings on the list and created kind, confident affirmations for myself. It is so a powerful and life-changing exercise. I'm going through a lot of pain and, unfortunately, conflicts with my mom. I became more aware of my own feelings, and relationship with my family. I accept myself more and the feeling of being guilty is not as strong as it was before. Thank you for this great practice, Patrick!

Don't argue about the basis of the core beliefs. They are wrong. You are LOVED. Love that!! Thank you!

4:00 Everything about me is perfect. I love myself I am a LOVING wife, a great friend, and I work so HARD to keep our house clean like today I went to Safeway and bought two bags of cleaning supplies JUST for cleaning up after my husband and myself!!! = )

it’s almost like we have to raise our inner child, teach her the things that will help her and unteach the things that will harm her. the traumatic experience has stunted her growth, so now she’s been stuck at this age that the trauma happened , and all we have to tell her is that she has had the choice to grow this whole time, because she is not her experience, and she doesn’t have to cling to it forever. sometimes we just have to be reminded of that in the process of healing our inner child, we are not our experiences. and we always have room and all the time in the world to grow, we just have to put the time into ourselves and stop abandoning our inner child or else our inner child will just be stuck in the cycle of chain reactions and abandonment. do not treat your inner child the way that someone had treated her, or else the cycle will never end. take care of yourself. 💜💜

@pan2635

2 жыл бұрын

beautifully written thank you

The irony of learning about how my "internal smoke detector" is constantly on high alert and being startled into a heart-stopping demonstration by an ill-suited ad. Literal gunshots and panicked speech- something's gotta give with youtube ads. (For the record, I watch full ads on channels I support- it's not having ads that gets to me, it's what they're putting in them.)

Thank you for this!! People often shun their inner child and try to be emotionally mature without fully healing, then wonder why they can never feel happy. Thank you for sharing this so more people realize they aren't alone and it's okay to want to heal themselves 💕

I’m crying/laughing currently because this video ended up triggering me. I watched out of curiosity but slowly started to realize how some of those core beliefs and triggers apply to my life. At the end, I couldn’t figure out why I was crying. But it’s because I often feel like what I’m doing isnt enough or I have to be perfect at all times. The video I watched out of curiosity made me realize that there are still things I need to work on. No matter how triggering it may be to realize. And I will! See you in 30 days everyone!

As an autistic that has a special interest of stuffed animals, I love this

Also stay away in a distance from those who put those core beliefs in your being. Atleast while you are healing

It's so eye opening and embarrassing too. I related to almost the whole list.what is the therapy called? I've been to counseling so much but it never gave answers like this video, of course maybe I wasnt ready

@aliyahsakeena

3 жыл бұрын

Cognitive behavioral therapy

@bettyjean740

3 жыл бұрын

@@aliyahsakeena thank you I'll look for it.

@G2thesecondpower

3 жыл бұрын

I've been in and out of counseling for years--since my twenties and I just realizing recently how little it's really helped me. I've been seeing a counselor recently who does IFS, and she's been great but I can't recall a single thing that's open my eyes as much as these videos have. All the dots got connected.

@bettyjean740

3 жыл бұрын

@@G2thesecondpower it can get discouraging. I have to accept ther is no finished product, I hope I am in a process of healing and growing , building better habits each day. To be kind to yourself, it took me many years to get this way... it takes sometime to get better. Something that has helped me on my path is The Behavior panel channel. It is not therapy related at all! 4 guys who do language and body language analysis. I only mention this in case it can help anyone else in addition to the wonderful content provided here. Fir me it provides a terrific example of what healthy communication can look like, real life examples of liars and when words and actions dont match, Chase Hugh's especially gives personal examples of goal setting and structuring his day. Plus it's very interesting. Never give up or lose hope it does get better.

@bettyjean740

3 жыл бұрын

Also I have not heard of IFT...what is it?

I decided to do this right after I read the core beliefs list and started crying. Wish me good luck

@capgains

2 жыл бұрын

How much has it helped you ?

In my case the Inner Child and Adult are switched. Inner Child is teaching the Adult how to relax and enjoy at the moment, because she has completely forgotten how to.

I am going to do this. It is perfect for me. I happen to have one stuffed animal from when I was a child, a small dog. I named him Cookie and have had him since I was 2. I brought him out of storage about 9 months ago with my inner child in mind. Thank you!

Thank you for this, I really need to get ahold of my adult life. I'm way to easily triggered, and I'm just over this if that makes any sense? I just want to trust myself, and not always feel like I'm wrong or just living in shame constantly. This is great, thank you very much!

I never leave the house and I have stuffed animals everywhere so I think that symbol would just blend into the scenery too much for me, but, this video was still helpful in the way you described how it all works in the brain. And as I listened I was remembering things that have triggered me this week.. like, I actually set foot outside to sit in front of my door to get fresh air and I wasn't even out there for a whole 60 seconds before some neighbors walked by and spoke to me about neighborhood drama that I really want no parts of... just being in the presence of all that stresses me out so bad and I start to disassociate because I'm feeling great anxiety, but then I realize I must look like I'm zoning out which makes me think they're going to think I'm actually involved somehow which makes my anxiety worse! ... so I blurted out, "I have no idea who you're even talking about, I'm just smiling and nodding over here" ... then she asked me what she should do and I said talk to the landlord. When they left I could no longer even try to enjoy sitting outside. I just retreated back inside. Inner dialog is, "oh God, I literally can't go outside for a fkn minute! Its not safe out there! Everyone is so toxic. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. I hate it here (meaning the planet as well as the area I'm in) and I can't wait to be unalive." That's pretty much where every stressful interaction goes. So... now what? Knowing that's where I go, knowing its a feeling of powerlessness and fear and whatever category those fit under, doesn't change anything. My inner child feels threatened for damn good reason... because literally nothing has changed about how toxic other humans are. I cannot trust people like that. And they are eeeerverywhere. Some are blatantly obvious like those neighbors.. others are 🌸 so nice 🌸 up front but then invariably end up being every but as toxic and/or dangerous. The "nice" people are more treacherous than the blatantly obvious walking balls of chaos because they draw people in with a facade and there's no way to protect yourself from betrayal. You can't see it coming. At what point are triggers just triggers and not warnings for very good reason? I mean..... a fire alarm is probably a bad analogy because where there is smoke there is fire. Smoke can kill you even before fire gets to you. So, I'm supposed to learn to ignore warnings or rip the batteries out of my fire alarm??? Omfg I hate life so much. Its too confusing. And i have experienced literally NOTHING that makes it worth putting up with it all. TALKING ABOUT TRIGGERS IS TRIGGERING AND MY TEDDY BEAR RIGHT HERE JUST LOOKS AT ME, DUMBLY. So.... NOW WHAT?? Avoidance Nap time i guess.

@unavoidablycanadian397

Жыл бұрын

I used to have a smoke alarm that would go off if toast was being made. my brain is like that smoke alarm. one person is being loud and obnoxious in my vicinity(not directed towards me) and the alarm goes off like it's Ladde 49. it's not ignoring or ripping out batteries. it's slowly rewiring the alarm. solder point by solder point. may you be well 🙏

@fairwearth690

Жыл бұрын

What you typed here feels like it was ripped out of my own head and body. I hear you, and I feel exactly the same way. Healing feels like a long journey to hell on earth and every part of me wants to scream "enough" and give in to the sweet oblivion of permanent dissociation or death...not that I want to literally die but just end the feelings of endless suffering and pain. Every therapist gaslights me, tells me that my erroneous thoughts are creating my emotions (not actually the memories of the actions of the psychopathic, narcissistic, alcoholic and drug addicted abusers--birth parents, adoptive parents, North Korean soldiers, orphanage operators, violent foster parents, various social workers who refused to do their jobs and I had to threaten to call the media before finally being taken seriously and being apprehended into care, racists and chronic bulliers both in my childhood and in the workplace as an adult--who have abused me over and over and over again before abandoning me). I feel the happiest when I am fully in my empathic, loving, authentic self...only to have the cold, hard "reality" of the cruelness of this world and all its toxic, narcissistic, controlling people bring me back to earth, jade me, embitter me, make me suspicious and paranoid and catapult me back to "square one" in my recovery. I cannot stop the inner drill sergeant in my head, comprised of all the voices of my past and present abusers screaming in my ears. No matter how much I try to drown out their voices with self-love, self-compassion and self-care, they are still so noisy to the point where I just want to get medical assistance in dying. Even positive thoughts turn to "toxic positivity" thoughts, I can never get anything right in my brain, no matter what techniques I try. Feels hopeless and futile.

@yuriination

Жыл бұрын

@@fairwearth690 I'm so sorry your life has been so chaotic and painful. The only solution I have found is to not leave the house. I get groceries delivered, no contact. Same with medications and anything else I may need is on Amazon. I interact with others online only. When someone gets shtty, I just block them. My world may be smaller in many ways.... but its peaceful. That's worth more. And only people who have suffered such a constant barrage of traumas and stress will truly understand why I feel that way but, it doesn't matter who doesn't understand... because they're not living my life. Their opinion isn't worth 5 seconds of consideration. I wish you peace ♡

I used to hold my inner child as something precious and that I need to protect. I grew up being abused at school, church and at home, I never knew what peace was but my mother reminded me I used to be so happy as a child. I can’t remember the last time I genuinely felt that way. Ever since quarantine happened, however, I started hating that child and wishing they were dead. I’m not sure why I tainted myself that way. Hopefully this can help me. I miss wishing the best in that child.

Trying very hard to work on the core belief that "I am responsible for everyone's emotions and feelings" I've noticed I'm getting better. Definitely because of awareness I think.

i’ve been doing tarot readings and i always get told to heal my inner child but i never got around to and suddenly i got recommended this video! weird how stuff works out haha

Day 3 : Today I'm really exhausted. Had a really bad fatigue again. In the evening I went to my friends house to catch up and talked a lot about whats going on in our lives. Really made me feel alive and connected. I felt like I've been isolating myself, because a lot of things triggered me. Thankfully today most things that triggered me is my thoughts, rewinding about all the wrongs people did to me and my past relationship. I can already tell which categories these all fall down. Going to continue this challenge tomorrow :).

I'm responsible for other peoples' feelings is going to be my challenge.

I'm turning 15 in two months, i don't want to lose my teenage years to a childhood trauma, i hope this could help me. I'm turning 17 in two years, i want to be a functional adult with a healthy mental so that i won't harm others by lashing out to the ones i love because of my childhood trauma.

This video was really useful for me, as I just read van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, and I like how you connected the inner child to the amygdala and the adult self to the frontal lobe. This explanation helps me see how inner child work can benefit what I’m doing in therapy. Thanks for the list of core beliefs!

This is so sweet. ❤️ unfortunately, I am very aware but that doesn’t seem to diminish my emotions. Loved the little « don’t contradict, you’re lovable » title it was very wholesome.

don’t treat your inner child the way that a certain someone, or the world has treated her , she will be stuck in the cycle forever , because just like those other people, you are abandoning her too. love her and help her grow instead :)

I am currently in my teens, and I have a thing for blankets with sharp edges so you can scratch your hands or face against it, had that habit since I was a child, it helped me calm down, and tried to grow out of it at some point, but failed multiple times. Now I just live with it.

@sunshine9122

2 жыл бұрын

If blankets still work and serve the same purpose for you that they did when you were a child, that is far from failure. You are successful.

I would love to try this but the idea kind of scares me. Wouldn't this exercise just constantly remind you of sad memories from your childhood throughout the day? I feel like this could be very useful for self exploration but might also feel like your physically carrying your trauma in your back pocket. Anyone else feel this or kind of get what I mean?

@ilyaibrahimovic9842

4 жыл бұрын

I'm not sure exactly what he intended but I thought the idea is to turn to the dog when emotions run high, because the dog represents the inner child. But also the dog functions to remind you that you have the option to reach for reflection mode instead of drowning when you feel the emotional storm coming. It's not meant to be a constant "think of your misery" cue; stuff will trigger you just as you go through life without the dog doing it.

@Izik8890

3 жыл бұрын

I think I understand what you mean. I have done some therapy already and I see now that I am being constantly reminded of sad things from my childhood. That's why I am often overreacting- a situation which is actually quite harmless (hearing: sorry, i don't have time to meet today) reminds me of something from the past (parents not having time to do something important). I am just not conscious of that. So I am carrying this trauma with me all the time anyway. Yes, it's hard and emotional in the beginning. Now even when I am sad or angry about some memories, these emotions aren't so scary to me anymore. I feel, then they pass and I am fine. All the best to you on your journey!

@sirialilianblack1951

3 жыл бұрын

Well you can surely feel like it's keeping your own trauma in your pocket, but It can also be like you had the chance to go back in time and be the caretaker figure you needed in your life when you were little. It can be a way to step in those situation as an adult and actually rescue your inner child (which could be seen as a younger version of you) from it. It can be triggering, it can be hard and scary but it can also give you an immense power over those situations and feelings that usually puts you on the ground. ;)

@silvanaramirez9941

3 жыл бұрын

Regardless of whether you decide to participate and carry this puppy with you or not, you are still carrying wounds/unhealed traumas with you. So I much rather keep something with me as a reminder that every time I get triggered, my inner child is hurt and needs my love and attention and to help her challenge negative beliefs about herself that run my adult life and can continue to hurt me.

@Anna81WA

3 жыл бұрын

I think the stuffed animal can represent a grounding object so when we are triggered we can physically see and touch an object that represents the inner child and reason for trigger. It helps separate the past from the present. This is only how I interpreted it though. I also love stuffed animals so this made sense to me.

This guy is amazing!

the specific dog plush you used is so goofy looking, it's so endearing when it appears next to the stock images in a bag or something lol

Day 6: It stabilizes me just to know that she is there, and that I am taking care of her. It makes my BPD symptoms much less pronounced. I feel more in touch with myself. From day 1! Thank you, Patrick!

So incredibly grateful for these videos. I’ve always thought about the importance of the inner child but I was always ashamed that I was so fixated on it and that I always visualized myself as a child just instinctively. It’s good to know I’m not alone and that this instinct makes sense in the context of my childhood trauma. It didn’t even occur to me that I had an inner adult until the part where you said “the adult is the part of you that seeks out videos like this” and I thought “yeah that makes sense.” Thank you so much!

started yesterday. I notice that as soon as i zone out like start wandering thoughts, usually I ruminate, I realize my dog is no where to be found. If I pay attention to my dog I'm ok. So interesting. I feel like this is the opposite of what the video is about.

I wish I could stop feeling unloveable. Unfortunately my life keeps saying it too with a giant over the hammer hit on a pretty daily basis and its so hard to try and pause and say its untrue. I'm trying so hard to accept being alone in life and its so hard because all I've ever wanted was a life partner, my own family and friends. But nearly forty without ever having been asked out or someone saying yes to me asking and a childhood family who never really understood and was abusive has made it really hard to try to keep going alone. It is so hard to say it to myself anymore.

Even just watching this video helped me uncover how much I still hold on to those core beliefs even though I thought I had left them behind. And how some things I thought weren't a big deal have molded my perception. In 31days it's my birthday so I'm going to give this a try, thank you for this. Good luck to everyone out there taking on the challenge as well!

Oh. My. God. I've just discovered your channel and I'm so grateful! This video is absolutely amazing. For a bit of context, it's winter around here and I decided to start my "own" winter...Doing researches, trying to heal myself because I KNOW/FEEL that there's a lot to deal and to work on. Thank you so much. You're saving lifes here

I never really comment on videos but... Having this little panda with me is actually a life changing experience. (I chose a panda instead of a dog) It's helping me love my self and really understand my issues. I really cant believe how much this challenge is changing my life. Would recommend

@huania

7 ай бұрын

i relate!!

I hear you say "I'm unlovable" "nobody likes me" etc and IMMEDIATELY feel this very deep pain. I can pinpoint feeling this way as a child after my parents split up, and if something triggers that in me I have to fight the urge to sob uncontrollably.

@vani223

2 жыл бұрын

same here, but for me those feelings are more connected to when something triggers memories of receiving rejection from my peers and friends throughout my childhood

I'm so glad to hear how you refer to the functions of the frontal lobe, amygdala etc in relation childhood trauma that, in my case, continues into middle age. You understand it so well. Great to listen to.

I actually remember having a stuffed dog that looked exactly like this one. I got it on a family trip and had a lot of fun back then when we did these kind of long, on the road things. We don’t do those much and felt kinda sad about it, like we weren’t family because a lot of issues replaced those trips. Surprisingly, I just realized during this video that I have a lot of stuffed animals already (and me being a late teen is kinda weird). It’s like I tried to find that same feeling I’ve had during those trips with stuffed animals, like I associated those positive things with that first dog I got.

Patrick my name is Rachael. I'm 42 I decided to do the 30-day inner child therapy challenge I will be picking my core beliefs tonight from your website and I will be starting tomorrow tomorrow I'll definitely let you know how the first week goes I've been watching you for a while and I know and I feel this is going to help me thank you so much❤

I'm starting the challenge with a little frog instead:) Writing out the "frog beliefs" right now.

A year later, just seeing this and the timing/content is perfect. I am in an online group coaching setting where we have been asked to begin noticing when we are in adult mind and when we are I child mind. This is an excellent tangible addition to that practice 👍

ugh i want to hug you thank you for doing gods work bc i can’t afford therapy lol

It brings a new meaning to having a therapy dog

LOVE THIS!

I appreciate the content that Patrick provides - it's great in addition to therapy. This pandemic has been rough (ruff) and I've been dealt a few losses, so all I have is a stuffed animal dog as my only buddy while I'm at home. Glad I found this video when I did! I'm curious to try out this challenge. It helps to have a physical, tangible object to work through things that are emotionally heavy or too theoretical.

I'm gonna try this with my cute snail beanie boo. I'm excited to work on this tbh. thank you so much for the video, its something i've been trying to work on

Thank you - this is such a clear explanation.

Had to save this video. Not ready to go this emotional just yet.

Thanks!c I'm going back home to see if my stuffed animal is still there, and also to be with my parents and remind myself why I wanted to be independent and how to stay strong when I'm by myself and work with my emotions and my inner child.