Confidence isn’t “I know they’ll like me”, it’s “I’m okay if they don’t”.

@sidsid8867

Жыл бұрын

Than what!!!!!! How would you define the CONFIDENCE

@youropiniondoesnotmatter

Жыл бұрын

​@Sid Sid he already said it. Confidence is "I'm okay with not being liked, I don't need external approval". That's how I understood his comment.

@bisiriyu

Жыл бұрын

Well said

@tiniet2238

Жыл бұрын

Isn’t it self-esteem?

@Kholaslittlespot1

Жыл бұрын

@@tiniet2238 lots of different forms of everything

Key points: 1. Failure to start/procrastination -> Just start, begin with the smallesr action possible towards your goal 2. Serial failure to finish -> Find the meaning/the why and use that to pull you towards your goal 3. Hedonic treadmill/never feeling like it's enough -> Understand that you are not your work. Meditate. Pause. Be grateful. Stop comparing yourself.

@austinking3476

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for posting the main points... I hate people gatekeeping information

@vkrgfan

Жыл бұрын

Procrastination is freedom is the only time when you spend time for yourself doing nothing.

@houda1168

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much ❤❤❤❤

@user-os9bd7su1w

Жыл бұрын

Thankyou 😊

@hadadimanar1866

Жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙌

Procrastinate due to fear of failure 😢😢 You pointed out very well.

OK I have to listen to this a few more times. I have entered a cycle of procrastination that has me feeling desperate and depressed. This is ridiculous because this is not who I used to be. This advice is extremely important. It’s just what I needed. Thank you.

@huiliyang6783

3 ай бұрын

I’m experiencing the same situation. I always wonder why I’ve lost all my motivations. What this talk inspires me the most is instead of focusing on the loss of motivations, think about “What can I do to get excited about it”.

@ms.d5195

Күн бұрын

Hope you are doing ok!

While healthy relationships are a part of your journey, so is solitude. Have you created time to spend with yourself lately? Really tune in and just be? There is one relationship at the core of all others: you-to-you.

@SurajYadav-py6ls

Жыл бұрын

That's true nothing is more important than our healthy relationship

@jazzandbooks

Жыл бұрын

Yes! I wholeheartedly agree

@KevlarKoat

Жыл бұрын

@ReallyReally Are you broken because you're alone, or alone because you're broken? Did you have countless negative thoughts in that time that you now have to counter in order to develop a healthy philosophy? I lived 32 years avoiding people due to cPTSD, social anxiety disorder, and depression on the edge of suicide. Solitude was a symptom of my illness which inevitably led me to psychological awareness through introspection. After 3 years of personal development, now I'm ready to go beyond my 9 to 5 job and excel in business and creative work.

@igorbolev1553

Жыл бұрын

Of course. Until you’re out of your pubertate 😂

@moveonvillain1080

Жыл бұрын

Solitude.... It's a sweet poison. Get used to it too much and it's all you ever want, nothing but being left alone.

It’s wonderful to see that the analogy of the Three Mind Pits is hitting home. Thank you for the beautiful comments! 🙏 When Faysal (my husband) and I were brainstorming the topic we agreed that without overcoming self-doubt no one can truly live their full potential. We hope there’s something in this talk that connects with you and inspires you to get unstuck. Thank you to TEDx for the opportunity to share this message. In case you’re curious, here’s the research underpinning this talk: • Knowing-doing Gap (Pfeffer & Sutton, 2000). • Rumination and Overthinking (Joubert, Moulds, Werner‐Seidler, Sharrock, Popovic & Newby, 2022). • Upward Counterfactual Thinking (Broomhall, Phillips, Hine & Low, 2017; Hedgcock, Luangrath, & Webster, 2021; Medvec, Madey & Gilovich, 1995 Broomhall, Phillips, Hine & Loi, 2017). • Neural Impacts of Social Rejection (Eisenberger, Lieberman & Williams, 2003). • Cognitive Reframing (Crum, 2021). • Meaning-Motivation Link (Molden & Dweck, 2000). • Productivity Orientation (Keinan & Kivetz, 2008).

@aplausos2

Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much to you and your husband! Kudos 👏 on your work!

@navdeeptyagizero

Жыл бұрын

Your words have similarity to what Krishn Bhagwan have said in Bhagwat Gita.

@ShadeZahrai

Жыл бұрын

@@aplausos2 thank you! We’re so happy it resonated 🙏🙏

@ShadeZahrai

Жыл бұрын

@@navdeeptyagizero You're absolutely correct! A lot of what we know in science today actually comes from ancient philosophers and spiritual teachers. Although they used different methods, their insights are still applicable today. They also believed in the interconnectedness of all things, which is a concept that modern science is only beginning to fully grasp. Not only that, some of the concepts in modern physics have their roots in ancient spiritual and philosophical traditions. The wisdom of the past remains valuable in helping us learn and uncover new knowledge 🧡

@ssanjay5281

Жыл бұрын

The way you explain is just amazing!

I have been in self doubt lately it's refreshing this came on my timeline,it definitely reminds I can change my narrative and I have the power to do it for true self

Oh, wow, it was the best talk about self doubt and how to manage it. All I needed today. Thank you so much Shade ❤️

Self-doubt can be developed from parental or any significant others disapproval. Those people are the most important self-confidence builders.

@rob1016ny

Жыл бұрын

No. You are the most important to “self” You the person that will tell someone else “you messed up my self esteem” You gotta go listen to Katt Williams and stop being “simple”. Lol.

@ebipbop

Жыл бұрын

I think is really true but at the end as Shade says, once you are consciouss that your life is only yours, you have to change the narrative and the beliefs you have about yourself. Trying to allign with confidence is a decision and an inner work.

@mitrofanoleg6876

9 ай бұрын

😂 ДЕНЬ НЕЗАВИСИМОСТИ... ЭСТОНИИ -КЕРСТИ КАЛЬЮЛАЙД 5 ЧАСОВ 😂

@mitrofanoleg6876

9 ай бұрын

😂😂.... ДЕНЬ НЕЗАВИСИМОСТИ... ЭСТОНИИ -КЕРСТИ КАЛЬЮЛАЙД 5 ЧАСОВ 😢

@sodiyaraymond274

28 күн бұрын

Especially if you adore such a one! 😢

TEDx talks are smth which we always look for.. Thank you TEDx ❤️

This talk beautifully summarizes the reasons for me be hesitant and stuck. Thank you Shade for your guidance, its time to act now!!! 😎

I love this. I use that analogy. Watching my son trying to walk 10 years ago,motivated me to never give up.

That's great to know why I feel exhausted sometimes. I always think that it could never enough for me and I have to make myself spend more time on my studying. Your video gives me a lot positive energy. I have learnt that I should "just do it" and stop thinking too much or comparing my journey to anyone. As you said "Excellece then is not an act but a habit" Thank you for inspiring me💗

*Summary* with timestamps. ✏️ Three self-doubt mind pits that limit confidence: 2:31 *Failure to Launch* (the knowing-doing trap), rumination and overthinking. - "What if I fail?", "What if I'm underqualified?", "What if I've missed something?" 3:44 *Treading Water* (failing to finish what we start). - Hesitation, losing interest, seeking greener grass, getting bored. 4:54 *Destination Obsession* - You set an exciting goal; put in the work & discipline to achieve it. Only to derive a short burst of pleasure, followed by a lack of fulfilment. So you immediately set the next goal. - Feeling like you've never done enough. ============================== 💡 *How do you free yourself and avoid falling in?* ============================== 6:38 *Failure to Launch* + Shift your internal narrative (inner/mental chatter). Next time you catch yourself thinking: "I can't do this." => redirect to "How could I make this happen?" + Shift "I should do this" or "I have to do that" to: "I get to do this" or "I choose to do that". + Instead of combating disempowering thoughts, redirect your mind to empowering language that reflects personal control. 💪 + Finally, move from "why" to "what": instead of "Why don't I feel motivated?" ask yourself "What can I do to get excited about getting this done?" + ⚠ It's vital that the reframing is immediately followed by action! 9:10 *Treading Water* + If you find yourself stuck in this mind pit, schedule time to reflect on WHY you're doing what you're doing. ("For the sake of what?") 9:38 *Destination Obsession* + When you're aware of this unhealthy doubt-driven behavior, remind yourself of the irrefutable truths that: > You are not your work. > Your worth is not entirely a reflection of your achievements. and > You're not going to find lasting contentment on the hedonic treadmill of achievement. + Instead, set boundaries for yourself. Lastly, if you notice yourself feeling inadequate due to comparing your current reality to someone else's? Shift the narrative. Say: "I'm happy for this person. What can I learn from their Journey?" 🧠 _You can unlearn [self-doubt] through creating new, healthier habits and tapping into the power of neuroplasticity that rewires your brain._

@Maahir310

Жыл бұрын

Wait! I hope u do book review. If not, u really need to start! By thr way, thank so much

@MilindSingh1994

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for writing these down. Very grateful to you :)

@user-ud7qw8jx5y

Жыл бұрын

Thanks man 😊

@caaspirantrahul7243

Жыл бұрын

Thanks

@dineshms7667

Жыл бұрын

Thanks

Failure to launch has been my bane all my life. Thank you for pointing this out, hopefully even after failing many times later in life. I can start, continue and reach my target successfully 🙌

This is one of the video i have watched that has refused to leave my mind. It keeps playing over and over in my mind. I saw where i have been getting it wrong and thst has made my life crawling. Thanks for this

So well spoken, thanks for this!

I love her as the way she deliver the knowledge and talk.. nd voice

Thank you so much for this. I' m going through a diffucult time right now and this video is just what I needed.

THANK YOU SHADE! You have helped me more with this 11 minutes video than my therapist in 3 years.

I really felt identified with the 3 cases and the most important thing I learnt from this video is about *changing the narrative*. It is so important how our inner communication desenvolves with our reality and how our words have great impact in reality. We are what we do, so in order to change your life you have to change your actions. Right now I was feeling kind of demotivated to finish some video edits for my work because sometimes I feel is dull or boring but that exact thought is what I change now. It is actually fun because it is a video of a very important person in my country and also is part of my journey to become a better video editor and be able to work professionaly for Hollywood, Netflix, HBO. That is my goal and also to enjoy the process. Because it is so beatuful to see how things bloom when you put your energy to it. Thank you so much Shade

All of these habits describe me. Thank you for this 🙏🏼

I found everything in this video deeply researched and articulately explained. We need to get out of this Knowing-Doing Trap.

I absolutely love Shadé and the way she explains concepts. I am truely inspired! Thank you Shadé!

@ankitporwal5760

Жыл бұрын

I am expecting this type ofcomment from An India 😂😂😂

@Kholaslittlespot1

Жыл бұрын

@@ankitporwal5760 🤔

This 11 minutes are pure gold!! Thank you

*This woman has the smoothest, most eloquent voice. I can listen to her all day*

Thanks. Yes, agreed, overthinking definitely kills the confidence. Other tips are also very important.

This video is amazing, wow! I consider that I learned more now about things I knew I was doing wrong, but was consciously avoiding making them right! Thank youuu!

Perfect talk. Thanks 1,000,000 for sharing your work.

Wow, incredible. I see myself in many of these areas of confidence killers, it's a tough pill to swallow and the work starts with trying something in a new way.

Dear ShadeZahrai, the rich content and the lively explanation make this talk equal to the course matter in a 200 page book worth its weight in gold. Your knowledge, perseverance, presentation skills and humility are such a wonderful combination that we thank KZread for bringing you to us. May you continue to excel in what we do! Thank you so much!

I love the way she broke these three issues down in their simplest forms. I really needed this at this point in my life.

Her voice is so soothing

Thank you for sharing this! This is what I need right now. I've been struggling with low self-esteem all my life and have been holding up a lot of plans due to indecisiveness. Thank you again. You are beautiful.

This is too good. Wonderful analogy and I can completely relate to everything you said. Thank you for sharing. This is valuable.

Unbelievable...it's like you've stepped into my head ! I'm glad I found this video !

You are serving a great purpose of making people peaceful, perseverant, and more productive.

it's happen to me now and thanks God I watch this. Alhamdulillah

This has always been my main problem, there's a solution to this and you might already know it: "just do it". People will call you unworthy, lazy, pull you down, don't listen to them. Just mind your own business and "just do it". But remember to also take rest and stay in balance. Don't stay at one end because either you will be lazy or burned out due to overworking. Remember, balance.

Grateful that you spent less time on why we are this way and more time on how to overcome it. I hesitate to watch videos like these anymore because so many of them start out so negative and our minds are so impressionable that I want to filter out any possible negative programming. Took some good notes. Time to implement. Thank you!

@ShadeZahrai

Жыл бұрын

I'm so happy you found value in the approach we took Justin, focusing more on overcoming challenges rather than dwelling on the reasons behind them. There's a lot of information out there about the 'why', so we like to provide tangible, actionable guidance on what can be done for positive behaviour change. I love that you took notes! Wishing you all the best on your journey towards growth and positive change!

I’ve been watching these lately because I’ve been feeling so low on my self esteem! Thanks!

I am happy for you that you did this research and I appreciate the fact that we all can learn and upgrade our lives from the points that youve mentioned. - Your Eternal Fan

On a twenty year journey to helping my people. Thank you for the update.

The skill of articulation you have is top notch.

Thank you madam Zahrai and TEDx for the amazing information.

It sounds like you're living with me right now. I'm putting all what I do under doubts because I feel like I'm not moving forward despite what I achieved in the last 8 years, a MBA and PMP, a wonderful experience in with an amazing team but it always seems to me like I'm stuck somewhere and it doesn't feel like me or home inside😢. I'll try to get better with the valuable advice that you just gives us. Thanks Shadé.❤

Dear Shade, You have truly inspired me. I have started smiling and that's the beginning right?

Really a conceptually fresh TED Talk after such a long time.

Great talk! And it really hit home for me today. I needed to hear this. Thank you

This is really helpful for me right now. Thank you so much!

You have a great gift for explaining things in a way that is easy to grasp. I took full notes in different colors, that I plan to keep and read in my daily planner. I feel like you have thrown me a life saver because I am ADHD❤

@zinaali6770

Жыл бұрын

ADHD can be a blessing in disguise, once I understood it’s impact on me, I decided to use it to my advantage. People with ADHD tend to be more creative , and we do great when we do things that speaks to our heart. We fail to focus when things are too boring for us, so I started to delegate the things that I can’t do instead of beating myself up and to pay more attention to what I can accomplish.

@p2squared

Жыл бұрын

@@zinaali6770 I love your comment! I'll start doing this

@thanviHimanshu

Жыл бұрын

@@zinaali6770 that's actually true, I realized this very late which was bleaking my self esteem for such a long time.

@behnamanisi1

Жыл бұрын

I have the same problem right now :(

@adamanthony7465

5 ай бұрын

Now please tell this forum what else are you beyond ADHD🕯️

Shadé is undoubtedly one of the best motivational & charismatic speaker I have come across. Thanks for what you are doing!

@Onlyme2015

3 ай бұрын

SHADE = Westernized Liberal Muslim women. u know the type that thinks being " westernized" is being modern and free (lmao).

It was one of the best speeches I've listened to. I'm guilty of these behaviours

Great TedTalk! Comparing and doubting ourselves is the thief of joy!

Thank you so much Shadé Zahrai. That was really helpful♡

Thank you, I needed that most 🙏🏽

This is so so powerful and amazing to me! Thank you! ❤

Shade is awesome. I love her content, mostly on communication.

Thank you. It was really helpful. I did not know the difference between laziness and procrastination but always thought I'm not lazy 😀.

very strong speech, thank you from my heart

I had to watch the entire video again because i was so mesmerised by her eyes that i ended up googling "how to make your eyes shine?". great video

thanks for these wonderful tips. i think failing to start is my biggest problem. i read plenty of books but never implement them in real life. thanks for giving me some hope. i really admire you

Thank you so much, your beauty kept me 100% focused and I've learned so much. Thank you so much😊

Thank you Shadé! To anyone out there who is doubting the success of what you'd like to do: just try. Recently I've started my own KZread journey after years of thinking about it. It's a lot of work, but deciding to break free from procrastination and just get going is so deliberating!

@ShadeZahrai

Жыл бұрын

How wonderful for you! Wishing you all the best on the journey of building a community and having an impact on KZread!

Wow! This is prolific! I'm still wondering how I manage to create these strategies I live my life by and then listen to a talk or read a book by an expert and find out they got their from research. I'm guessing I'm more self aware and living intentionally. I'm grateful.

how much i grateful with this video! thanks for sharing TED

Wow, I find this comment incredibly insightful. It's fascinating to consider that self-doubt is not inherent but rather something we develop as we grow older. The example of a 12-month-old learning to walk really emphasizes this point. I appreciate how the Shadé Zahrai not only explains how self-doubt is learned but also provides practical solutions to help overcome it. The idea of mind pits is particularly valuable in recognizing when we're stuck in certain thought patterns. I can personally relate to the Failure to Launch and Destination Obsession mind pits, and it's comforting to know that there are ways to overcome them. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with us!

@ShadeZahrai

Жыл бұрын

Glad it resonated!

@mitrofanoleg6876

9 ай бұрын

😂 ДЕНЬ НЕЗАВИСИМОСТИ.... ЭСТОНИИ -КЕРСТИ КАЛЬЮЛАЙД 5 ЧАСОВ 😂

Dunno why but this video srsly made me emotional 😢 It was so inspiring! thank you shade ❤

I'm going to watch this video 100 times un order to acquire all the valuable information it has. 🙌

Thank You Shade ...God Bless You

Thank you so much Shadé Zahrai ❤❤❤❤

I needed this. Thank you for your contribution

The way you have framed the whole narration of your video is mind blowing 🤟😎

Definitely something I will work towards, thank you.

Thank you so much! I needed this!!!!

I definitely have less self-doubt after watching a perfectly made video, from a extremely good speaker, telling me about people that are hyper talented. I just don't understand how researchers like Shadé are able to overlook that by building on the narrative that YOU can do it, it is all up to You ("change YOUR narrative") they might try to booster self-confidence but are just creating self-doubt in the next second. This is part of neoliberal thinking that lets' us internally attribute everything: our successes and failures. So you can't just have on side of the coin. If you booster self-confidence, you booster self-doubt as well.

I loved this info and how she explain it, so true 😮🥺👏🏻

Thank you for a new perspective on discipline. Commit to taking meaningful breaks. The idea is insanely helpful. I've suffered from hyper focus, and I easily got burned out. Hence, I'm afraid of work because once I start, I feel like I can't stop and it damages my health. I feel like the idea opens to me a new set of challenges in my life that is healthy and feels good.

I'm so grateful you've simplified an enormous challenge I struggle with in life down to manageable and sensible solutions. Thank you many times over💛💛💛

This is a wonderful wonderful insights, it is time to raise my own self awareness to adjust my own thought patterns and habits after so many years of forming.

You are extremely articulate. Well done!👏👏

Exactly what I needed. Thank you!

You are each and every word I have I have I am feeling from last one and half years...😊

Hello Dear. Thank you for sharing such useful advice. I began my journey to reinvent myself a year ago, and I'm now living healthier, more confident, and stronger, earning six figures, and having time to enjoy family and friends. I'm happier now because I'm living my life for myself. This is to encourage someone that "you may start whenever you want to have a reset, it's worth it!" I'm trying to keep growing since it's a journey💚💚💚

@melbavic23712

Жыл бұрын

Congratulations Mariana 🎊🎊Thanks for encouraging others with your story, I will love to get tips from you too.

@mariana23273

Жыл бұрын

@@melbavic23712 Change your mindset, read self-help books, expand knowledge, budget and don't spend on impulse, save, take your finances seriously, eat healthy, exercise your body, meditate; the list goes on... I hope it is useful to you.

@marlena408

Жыл бұрын

That is so amazing!! Thank you for sharing your story. I really hope it inspires another lady out there to start taking action♥♥♥

@nicolajessica

Жыл бұрын

@@mariana23273 How did you grow to 6 Figure? I'm honestly trying to work on my personal finance this year.

@mariana23273

Жыл бұрын

I learnt to be frugal, minimal on spending, saving and paying myself first through Investing, made Plans, growing passive income, Read a lot of books on finance, followed my plan consistently.

I really enjoyed this talk. Thank you!

So many great thought processes!

A checking of the reality for sure👍

just wonderful and on-point! Thank you!

Beautiful and well explained. Nice Presentation Dr.Shadé Zahrai.❤❤💯

Thank you! I truly appreciate it. I have had these problems for a long time and have been consciously aware of it for the past 2 years, but was struggling to put them into words and finding an antidote for it.

@ShadeZahrai

Жыл бұрын

We're glad it resonated with you. Hope the tips in this talk will be helpful on your journey of growth Angela! Wishing you all the best.

Absolutely incredible. Loved the powerful TIPS

The most useful content that I ever found in KZread

If I had seen this video five years ago I would have said, "Thank you for helping me to find a goal with meaning: the goal of hunting down and killing the person who caused my self-doubt". I wish I was joking. The good news is that I found forgiveness in a spiritual life that helped me to look honestly at the ways in which I, myself, have been just as guilty of passing harshly negative judgment instead of breaking the cycle... which has led to my forgiveness and acceptance of these former enemies. I hope this was helpful to someone and thank you for making such a helpful video

Wow! I mean I am truly deep in two of the mentioned mind pits, and I have identified those thanks to this video

I am very grateful to you for your awareness❤😊

Best tedx talk i have seen till now

Great talk, definitely something I’m going to try to implement, thank you.

Thank you for this, as it is a need of ours is all!! 🥹

I'm glad u did this TEDx Talk

Thank you so much for this video! It's simple and easy to understand. Exactly what I need at this point! Looking forward to more of your videos!