I became a hoarder from living that way and I am trying to get out of it.
@TanyaKatherine2 күн бұрын
I can definitely relate to the feeling of not feeling clean enough and also gaining weight and taking on the personalities of the parent. Losing identity through that.
@rosa73028 күн бұрын
I feel so sorry for you! My step father wasnt a hoarder but very strong heavy smoker. So i got comments even from teachers that i personally or my homework (paper, school supplies) smell like cigarettes. And that made me never feel clean as well. My clothes would never recover from the smell of cigarettes, even after washing it or spraying it with perfume. And i never wanted anyone to come to visit me at my home because of that smoke. I enveloped massive hate for cigarettes and smokes. I still get very aggressive whenever i smell someone smoking near me. I really get angry and i kinda wonder why i get so emotional every time. It is probably because i needed to hide the fact that the smell bothered me very much, because the rule was “i am the parent and i can decide if i smoke here or not”. So many unprocessed and suppressed emotions over so many years. And i am 22 now. Today i have a cleaning obsession in my own home and i feel like it is never really clean enough. I also have a perfume addiction, i dont know if that comes from that but i never leave the house without overspraying myself with expensive perfume. And i pay way too much on that stuff. Always afraid that i dont have enough perfume on stock. Just because i never want to feel like my 10 year old self again, embarrassed for my smell. I think in some way i really can relate to you. Much love to you
@benjaminvailant24838 күн бұрын
You are literally the most beautiful woman I've ever seen
@meleshalyles55508 күн бұрын
This is wonderful
@alexmannen199117 күн бұрын
worst part of the shame is that u never talk about it even in therapy. u feel like you are the problem u never adress it. you feel disgusted with yourself. you are playing goalkeeper to defend the parents abuse
@alexmannen199117 күн бұрын
it ruined my life my parents hoarding have destroyed everything for me
@christiannablackmore210917 күн бұрын
Thank you for sharing!! I am SO sorry that this was a big part of your childhood experience. I definitely grew up in a very messy/borderline hoarder environment and didn’t have friends over often. I am a mom with children now and I am still unlearning the holding on to things. Striving for minimalism and healthy living for my babies. I’m finally learning how to clean/ organize and take care of my house and family better than I was ever taught. All with Gods grace he has brought me through this all. Hearing your story brought back all the sad, gross feelings and memories. It’s hard growing up in that environment. Hugs!!!!!!! But for anyone out there living in that environment I would encourage you to not be discouraged. Practice cleaning / organizing for 20 min. a day in any area in the house (starting with your own space, and make it a habit forever. watch minimalism videos like minimal mom ( I think she’s called, on KZread), Get really good at making cleaning a habit and it will catch on and make a difference to your life!!. Also there are options where you can safely call a compassionate cleanup service for hoarders and they can help. I know that’s probably a hard one to make happen, but it’s there as an option. (In case you don’t know. Just trying to help in any way possible.) I finally almost have a home that is completely organized and working on getting our garage to be empty and only have camping and outdoor activities things and tools for my husband in there. Long comment but praying for all of you who are in the middle of this right now out there for hope , peace, courage, strength, and a good future❤❤❤
@jenniferbyrne456718 күн бұрын
I think those fears are healthy! It keeps us from repeated the mistakes we grew up with!
@janafox261925 күн бұрын
This was my life. Both of my parents were hoarders. I don't know how I had the luck to get a double dose of it. They hoarded different things though. The entire upstairs of our house was inaccessible and full of junk piled to the ceiling. The stairs were covered in junk. The spot in front of the stairs was full of junk. You couldn't see the back of the washer and dryer because their was stuff on top of them all the way to the ceiling. My parents master bath was also turned into another closet just like yours. Only one of the 3 bathrooms in the house was accessible. In the one bathroom we had there were clothes hanging on the shower curtain rod and back of the door so that you couldn't close the shower curtain and there were clothes in the shower with you. The door of the bathroom wouldn't close either due to the over the door attachments with heavy clothes on them. You couldn't open our front door (the main door) because there were so many coats behind it. When things broke in our home, they were not fixed. Basic maintenance was neglected. We went without a water heater for almost a year. Our refrigerator also broke. It was me as a teen who ended up cleaning it out, not my parents. We probably didn't have a working refrigerator for years. There was so much mold in our house. At one point there was a bee hive somewhere in the house. So many mice and bugs. I was never allowed to throw anything away. My father would take bags of trash out of the trash dumpster and bring them to one of the 4 sheds instead of letting me throw them away. What still gets me years later is the smell. My brother sold that house and had to pay for 18 construction dumpsters of stuff to be removed before it could be sold. My parents separated and both moved out of that unlivable house and went to wreck 2 new separate houses with their hoarding (which they have now done). As a teen I was very upset about the house and would get into fights with my parents about it. They also saw me as the problem. I never realized that living in that environment was abuse until recently now that I have my own children. The worst part is that people knew and no one ever thought to rescue me.
@SchontiaVibezАй бұрын
living with my parents the house was just filled with so much clutter. I barely had space for me. My room was their closet so I didn’t have any privacy or a chance to feel safe or comfortable. The kitchen never was a kitchen just a gigantic library of random things. Resulting in me not feeling comfortable in eating. Skinnier I got more I felt insecure when comments on my weight or appearance. I just felt so insecure and ashamed of my existence. I felt overlooked and disgusting. Living there I felt disgusted. Everything I see even tho I no longer live there I feel and see disgust like everything is contaminated. Endless cycle of not feeling comfortable like chronically uncomfortable. I live alone and still afraid of someone bussing through the door never knocking it’s like living life constantly on constant edge. Noticing the smallest things like a speck of dirty and instantly feel disgusting. I go on purges of just throwing away all my possessions because it reminds me of living there.
@jerryguardado7729Ай бұрын
Brand new to your channel my gut telling me your a leo?
@thepragmatistАй бұрын
I'm so sorry you went through this. It definitely is abuse. I'm so glad you left at 18 and haven't been back since.
@Christine.BarakaАй бұрын
My mom had chronic illness and was a mild hoarder. She never kept trash, but she used my bathroom shower as a closet, and even stored some of her things in my room. Yes, I deeply understand the feeling of carried shame. She was also heavily medicated and slept most the day, and was up all night. That was our big secret. I never had friends growing up because I was too ashamed to get close to anyone. I was also homeschooled, so I never got any respite except when my parents chose to take us out for dinner. If you're seeking community, I highly recommend going to an Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meeting. They accept anyone that grew up in a dysfunctional house due to addictions, mental conditions, etc. They focus on grieving and recovering from carried shame through community. It's free and it's a lifesaver.
@elizabethdesousa8290Ай бұрын
I guess you’re not making vlogs any more. I really appreciate what you did. Thank you. 🙏 Hope you’re well. 💖💝❤️
@beefwineАй бұрын
mental-emotional trauma results in loneliness, i have dealt with mental and emotional trauma since a very young age. i would be trapped inside myself and no one could see me is the best way to explain it. i tried everything because it was paralyzing me. therapy made it even worse somehow and i was barely functioning. i was surrounded and falling into death. Then Jesus found me, and I knew I would be okay and He is the answer. i can't put it into words but i try in case someone reads this and it helps them reach out to Him.
@minimalistlifestyle5497Ай бұрын
My mother is a low grade hoarder but nowhere as close to what you described. In her mind she is a "collector" and while she indeed does have some collections many of the other stuff are pure junk. She perceives the value of her pocessions as much higher than it actually is. Also the compulsive shopping, like literally everyday she will buy something useless like a soap bar or whatever. I think hoarding is common among the boomer generation especially who have a bit of a scarcity mindset. But it is a disorder and usually not the only one. I find it very difficult to reason with my mother, there is no logic involved and her reactions are immature and emotional, similar to a tantrum of a toddler. Also these people tend to not accept their problem so they are not open to help.
@Brittanystar-ps7beАй бұрын
Im sorry u been through that tho I felt like a disgusting over from the grossness my parents put me through as well what helped me was to im still idk if I should keep in contact with my mom I do my dad hes clean he lives in a clean camper its got a hot tub hes changed alot imhe take care of himself like hes got false teeth hed got a hes taking care of himself I needed to talk about this but this vidoe was very triggering but its okay like your just talking about what you went through
@Brittanystar-ps7beАй бұрын
Ik uv had bad parents but your clean pretty vibe I lived with my grandma but both my parents did drugs and iv seen alot of stuff that my parents horried my moms actually in a rehab rn and they make her keep her room clean or she'll get kicked out i need to go to my tharpist to cope with it now cuz I had alot of self hate with my parents being nasty doing drugs they live in Amish house right beside our house and they im ashamed to say thus but they'd use the bathroom outside to cuz the water didnt work like camping they use the bathroom outside they wouldnt wash there hands
@maeg.91232 ай бұрын
I never thought of my home as a hoarder house but your experience has made me realize that even though it wasn't as "bad" as the houses on the show "hoarders" its effect on me was the same. I have and experience all of these feelings of grossness, anxiety, not being able to connect with others, holding a secret that absolutely no one can know. This is why I am so lonely and feel like I can't invite anyone in. Edit to add: Also does not help that I was homeschooled, so my entire life is a secret. The only people I have in my life are my family. Not even my grandparents or extended family. I live in such a small world. Thank you for helping me realize why people are so scary to me.
@jayjaybugg20002 ай бұрын
I grew up with a narcissistic hoarder mother. So bad I was taken away by cps but we still have irregular contact. Through my adoptive family they say her apartment is an absolute war zone again with tiny walkways and stacks to the ceilings to the point you’re hardly able to move at all. I’m being forced to visit her apartment today and try to help her downsize for her upcoming move since she’s being kicked out of her apartment for hoarding. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself to go straight back into what I lived in for so long, and straight back into all the arguments over garbage and trash. It’s not easy.
@maeybee43542 ай бұрын
gay lalala
@JesusSaves777992 ай бұрын
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. You are very brave for posting your video! There is a saying that God uses all things for good for those who love and trust in Him! I would just be careful with going too far with card readings and tarot because God wants us to trust in Him. He says he has wonderful things planned for us. From my personal experience in the past with tarot and fortune tellers, they can tell you inaccurate things that can put you in a box about your future. You don’t want to limit yourself! Sending love and light and praying to God for you if you don’t mind in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen! Thank you for sharing your story! 🙏💖
@rreese42213 ай бұрын
Unfortunately, this is relatable. I could never have friends over, and this led to me keeping friends at a distance. I eventually hid my friends away from my parents and couldnt have normal friendships or relationships. This has fucked my life over in so many ways and im glad its finally coming to light. Thank you for sharing ❤❤❤
@katharinehe3 ай бұрын
Oh no, this is a wonderful video & story, but please dont send people to Teal Swan, she makes a lot of money making up things.
@cassieclipse0093 ай бұрын
Never able to shake this vast feeling of loneliness. Even when I’m surrounded by people. Even if I have good friends at the time. Everything you said in this completely resonated with me and made me realize a lot. So comforting to hear I’m not the only person who feels like this because of my childhood trapped in a hoarder house. I hate how I hold everyone at arms length, how I listen to my friends whenever they need me but always think I’m tough enough I can take it, and keep my own feelings a secret. My mom was the only one I confided in as a child. And I was the only one she fully confided in. I felt an unspoken responsibility to protect her and be her emotional support system because she was the only emotional support I had. She was afraid to exist financially without my dad and but also afraid to seek a way out of his hoarder house and possibly lose me because of the situation. Then just a couple years after I was able to move out I ended up losing her to cancer. I’ve never been the same since. And you saying that it takes years and years to work thru trauma like that gave me hope. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully feel. But hearing your experience has brought me some serious hope that I can at least try to work through it taking things one day at a time.
@bunnyxsoap3 ай бұрын
This exactly is what I'm looking for rn
@Johnhamsta3 ай бұрын
I really appreciate your bravery on this subject. I try to host frequent game nights for friends and family to keep a motivation for cleaning my apartment. Sunlight is the best disinfectant for my inherited disorganization. I noticed my siblings also do that thing where they don't feel like they can live in their living rooms... huh... We're not alone. Thank you for your bravery
@kyrannify4 ай бұрын
Thank you so so so much for this and for your content. I am feeling intensely validated -- it's literally like you're inside my head. I grew up in a cluttered hoard that was "clean", but I get so much anxiety over the slightest dysfunction in my home (a box I haven't recycled, three dishes in the sink, etc). I end up just dissociating and avoiding all responsibility (especially steps of self care!) instead of moving forward gently to alleviate my anxiety. You're so spot on about cleaning up for other people but not doing it for oneself; my only memories of deep cleaning as a kid were for when we were having company. I had to teach myself and I'm still teaching myself what cleanliness is and what a home can be and how I can take up space in it. Your example of loving yourself and radically accepting yourself as you are right now is touching my heart. Thank you. <3
@citizenA-Z4 ай бұрын
i get you my dad was a mentally ill narcisstit a horder, thank you for sharing your story. when i finally get a place of mine own i will keep it clean and safe unlike my parents sidd
@n3atalie4 ай бұрын
your videos are so special
@solsticebaby4 ай бұрын
My husband grew up with a hoarding mother. His father didn't put his foot down about the mess and enabled her. It wasn't until I came along and laid down the law (established boundaries) that she ever was confronted about her behavior. My husband remembers climbing over piles as a child. We tried cleaning up the mess so my husband's father could come home from the hospital and have room to safely maneuver. She absolutely flipped out (my mother-in-law that is) when we started clearing things out. My husband had a bad smell about him until about a year after we started dating. It was like the mold just had to somehow work its way out of his clothes and body. I knew it was the smell of must and mildew because that's what the house smells like. I didn't blame my husband. I'm sorry that you grew up this way. I can't tell if I'm comforted for you or even more sad for all of you who have this in common. I didn't grow up this way but I know what it is to love somebody who is a hoarder and love somebody who is affected by their behavior. And I know what it is to finally establish boundaries that you can forcibly protect. And I know what it is to watch those Hoarders flip out when they no longer have control over a space and a person. My mother-in-law had a nervous breakdown on the spot and was literally running around the neighborhood in a t-shirt tearing at her hair when I told her that if we ever had children she would never get to have them in her home as long as she was a hoarder and I was not satisfied with the condition of the space. I told her I did not control her and she was perfectly entitled to do what she wanted with her home but there was no way she was going to have any access to my children in that space.
@deuterium4.0284 ай бұрын
I can't describe how much comfort this video brought me
@emmadove68034 ай бұрын
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your feelings! I know I am coming to this a year after you posted it, but I wanted to say that I am going through a similar situation right now and find myself extremely anxious and emotional, feeling lonely and just plain sad. My boyfriend is on his workterm for 2 months and right now, I don't know how I'll get through it. It's very validating to see someone else struggling at the beginning of this journey, and makes me hopeful that I can feel better and get through this situation. Thank you :)
@JBHW4 ай бұрын
When your hoarder parent promised they'd clean up, but in the end they didn't - Don't be hard on them. When they promised, they meant to, and they wanted to, and they thought they could. But, they really couldn't. They didn't know how. They didn't have the tools and the insight. It's difficult and time consuming even when everything is stacked in hoarder's favor re cleanup. ( I'm kind of a hoarder, and I'm cleaning up and researching solutions and insights ; I don't subject family to this, as living quarters are separate from hoarded areas, but I do have some results to deliver ) I have powerful insights and methods and tools and problem solving skills, and it's still a battle for every square foot and item. It's like getting fish to fly - regular fish, not those flying fish.
@ozneozkan12634 ай бұрын
youre voice so calm me down 💕🎀
@territhetankedupterrapin65924 ай бұрын
I grew up with my drug addicted parents regularly telling me off for not tidying my bedroom when the rest of the house was just as bad...their bedroom being the worst! It baffles me how they've ever been willing to have friends over! 🤯 I'm now 32 and live alone, addicted to Amphetamines like they were but do my best to keep my flat nice and tidy, but I'm still awkward about having people round because of the "mess" ...I know it's illogical but it's still in my head. Like you I'm left with an almost overwhelming sense that I'm always dirty and gonna smell bad...now my parents both have declining health I have been spending so much time tidying their home just for them to not even wipe the excess sugar off the surface when making coffee, and my mum is constantly ordering random and unnecessary items from Temu to add to the piles of junk and more than a decade worth of post that I put aside for her go go through about 14 months ago but all she does is watch TV and order crap from Temu while I'm trying to keep my home and her home clean aswell as working 2 jobs! I've spent the entire day sleeping because I finally let myself have a day off, but I know I'll go back there after work later just for it to be the same old shit! 🤦 WOW! I never really saw it as a problem that affects me until now, so I thank you deeply Gayla, for your video! 🙏 I've been taking many deep dives ALOT after getting away from a relationshit with a Narcissistic abuser last Summer. She tried to ruin me but I've used the pain as fuel to become something better...the person I desire to be and who my future partner deserves to be loved by! It's been a tough journey with a number of bitter pills to swallow (metaphorically, not the Amphetamine ones for ADHD) 😂 But anyway enough of my rambling, thank you Gayla. 🤟
@angierox69644 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your experience! I need some help with family. My son and daughter-in-law are 24 and have a 2 yo son. I can see my son separating from the situation. The hoarding has been growing each year. The rest of the family is stepping away from the situation due to my daughter’s reaction and level of the house. What should I do?? What can I do now to help prevent my grandson from a lifetime of issues and to hopefully try to keep their marriage together. They love each other so much and I love them very much. I’m hoping to prevent! If there are any men who had a mother hoarder, I would love to hear from you, I’m hoping that If I can present information to more people in the family, maybe I can get them together to work on prevention.
@HomeFromFarAway5 ай бұрын
Teal Swan says some wise things but also some seriously dangerous "magical thinking" things that will absolutely damage people who take her too seriously. be careful folks
@HeatherMeower5 ай бұрын
i was in the hoard on my own. my mom , sister, and step dad were at my stepdads house. he is controlling and abusive and my mom thought putting me in the other house would help not be terrorized by him so lots of isolation
@danaseger98765 ай бұрын
You’re courage is beautiful and inspiring 🥰
@BeautyBySarahhh5 ай бұрын
ugh this is me currently our life is so dysfunctional we never get to meet with people cuz our house is such a mess every house we move to is filled with Junk I just wish I never had this hoader lifestyle I cant wait for college so I can finally live without the garbage affecting me I always get blamed how am I suppose to clean if its gonna end up a mess again 1 month later
@shhkate10485 ай бұрын
thankyou for sharing this omg ive grown up in a hoarders house (still here sadly i have nowhere else to go at the moment) and i relate to everything in this i mean if i start specifically talking about everything wrong id be here forever but i have the biggest mouse/rat problem and its so bad. everything i own is crawled over and theres mouse shit everywhere. i cant use any kitchen appliances so we order aswell (which takes ALL of our money) so we are broke asf too. its so hard i wish child me could have experienced at least one sleepover where i hosted it at my own house. anyway i love you and this video thankyou for making me feel less lonely
@JD-tn5tb6 ай бұрын
I just came across your videos and I'm not sure if you are still making videos but wanted to let you know that I find myself learning and thinking about things every time I watch one of your videos. I can't even recall anything specific but I just like how you are deep and think about things that most people don't. I'm the same way only i'm probably 40 years older than you. I get a long with most people and enjoy life but find it hard to truly connect with most people. I keep searching for really good close friends and it's rare that I find someone that I want to be close friends with. I'm really not a snob but I just don't think most people are introspective or truly caring of others. But when I do meet people that are really of good quality, I recognize it. I think you would be that kind of person. But anyway, yes I understand about the pet. For me, animals are much easier to connect with. It's great that you are living with your boyfriend and connect with him after all the trauma in your life. I hope you continue to make videos but if not, I hope you are doing really well!
@emmadove68036 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your insight and experience with these feelings. I found the same after moving out of my grandparents house into my first apartment. Their hoarding and the dirtiness I felt from living in a home with so many mice and clutter really affected how I felt in my own space. I was never satisfied with it as it never felt clean or organized enough, and honestly I always felt like a mess!! Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s helped me to better understand why I found it so difficult to enjoy that space and what I’ll be aware of moving forward. ❤️
@kathforbes17246 ай бұрын
Good on you! Not from a hoarding home.. but had emotional incest and abuse. What you're doing here will be helping so many people. What a beautiful, courageous soul you are. You've clearly had the ability to stay soft and open despite the obstacles you've had to traverse in life. This is true strength. I will be praying for you ❤God bless 🙂
@rockymom6246 ай бұрын
This video is amazing. Thank you. The fear of being "caught" and doing things only when others might see it are things I still deal with and I've been out of that house for almost 30 years. I relate to so much that you said here.
@emmadove68036 ай бұрын
Just found your video and am feeling so hurt for you but also feeling less alone in my own experience growing up with family members like this. Thank you so much, we do recover and we do move forward no matter the circumstances we have to deal with ❤️
@gurlycash73946 ай бұрын
I'm so proud of you. You're so brave. I dated a hoarder for 6 months last year because I wanted to help his 8 year old daughter. I cleaned his place, got his water turned back on. Tried to clean his car. He hoarded that too. I'm very codependent because I grew up with an alcoholic mother and had to mother her. It's a struggle trying to not be codependent or anxious.
@user-ol7nq5rq9s7 ай бұрын
I never have my own room, i never have my own table. there's 5 abandoned room that is used to store unused stuff. she never really cared. she's a bad mother. My mom is a hoarder, bipolar, controlling, and schizophrenic(?). we all sleep in the same room, no privacy at all. the house if filled with roaches, rats, and rat poops. i can never clean the house because of how many stuff there is and if i do she will throw a tantrum and make me feel gullible. She moves stuff every single NIGHT, this result in many broken electronics. She also "encourage" my school life by telling me to do better everytime. This really hurts my mental health. i don't think i can ever be enough to her. i have never been allowed to go outside with my friends. never hae the permission to go outside without parental vision. never be allowed to be independent. i feel isolated. My parent's sibling came into our "home" some time ago, and feel digusted. they talked to her (screaming, crying, bla bla bla), after they leave. SHE DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE ANYTHING. As i mentioned before she's schizophrenic(?), (?) because i still don't know if these are real or not and we haven't talked to doctors yet. every day she talks to herself and scream about neighbours "talking and mocking" about stuff she's doing that's beyond minds comprehension. like for example doing laundry, cleaning the floor, moving stuff, closing the gate, turning on vehicles. By my logic there's no way she can hear this because our room to outside is blocked by 3 concrete walls. I've had many arguments about this with her and it'll all result in screaming back to back or crying. Her Bipolar also make things harder because of the mood changes. The constant argument she had i think will make her worse, this really set me onto a guilt trip because i will lose every argument no matter the point. I'm 15 right now. These stuff have been going on for 4 years now.
Пікірлер
I became a hoarder from living that way and I am trying to get out of it.
I can definitely relate to the feeling of not feeling clean enough and also gaining weight and taking on the personalities of the parent. Losing identity through that.
I feel so sorry for you! My step father wasnt a hoarder but very strong heavy smoker. So i got comments even from teachers that i personally or my homework (paper, school supplies) smell like cigarettes. And that made me never feel clean as well. My clothes would never recover from the smell of cigarettes, even after washing it or spraying it with perfume. And i never wanted anyone to come to visit me at my home because of that smoke. I enveloped massive hate for cigarettes and smokes. I still get very aggressive whenever i smell someone smoking near me. I really get angry and i kinda wonder why i get so emotional every time. It is probably because i needed to hide the fact that the smell bothered me very much, because the rule was “i am the parent and i can decide if i smoke here or not”. So many unprocessed and suppressed emotions over so many years. And i am 22 now. Today i have a cleaning obsession in my own home and i feel like it is never really clean enough. I also have a perfume addiction, i dont know if that comes from that but i never leave the house without overspraying myself with expensive perfume. And i pay way too much on that stuff. Always afraid that i dont have enough perfume on stock. Just because i never want to feel like my 10 year old self again, embarrassed for my smell. I think in some way i really can relate to you. Much love to you
You are literally the most beautiful woman I've ever seen
This is wonderful
worst part of the shame is that u never talk about it even in therapy. u feel like you are the problem u never adress it. you feel disgusted with yourself. you are playing goalkeeper to defend the parents abuse
it ruined my life my parents hoarding have destroyed everything for me
Thank you for sharing!! I am SO sorry that this was a big part of your childhood experience. I definitely grew up in a very messy/borderline hoarder environment and didn’t have friends over often. I am a mom with children now and I am still unlearning the holding on to things. Striving for minimalism and healthy living for my babies. I’m finally learning how to clean/ organize and take care of my house and family better than I was ever taught. All with Gods grace he has brought me through this all. Hearing your story brought back all the sad, gross feelings and memories. It’s hard growing up in that environment. Hugs!!!!!!! But for anyone out there living in that environment I would encourage you to not be discouraged. Practice cleaning / organizing for 20 min. a day in any area in the house (starting with your own space, and make it a habit forever. watch minimalism videos like minimal mom ( I think she’s called, on KZread), Get really good at making cleaning a habit and it will catch on and make a difference to your life!!. Also there are options where you can safely call a compassionate cleanup service for hoarders and they can help. I know that’s probably a hard one to make happen, but it’s there as an option. (In case you don’t know. Just trying to help in any way possible.) I finally almost have a home that is completely organized and working on getting our garage to be empty and only have camping and outdoor activities things and tools for my husband in there. Long comment but praying for all of you who are in the middle of this right now out there for hope , peace, courage, strength, and a good future❤❤❤
I think those fears are healthy! It keeps us from repeated the mistakes we grew up with!
This was my life. Both of my parents were hoarders. I don't know how I had the luck to get a double dose of it. They hoarded different things though. The entire upstairs of our house was inaccessible and full of junk piled to the ceiling. The stairs were covered in junk. The spot in front of the stairs was full of junk. You couldn't see the back of the washer and dryer because their was stuff on top of them all the way to the ceiling. My parents master bath was also turned into another closet just like yours. Only one of the 3 bathrooms in the house was accessible. In the one bathroom we had there were clothes hanging on the shower curtain rod and back of the door so that you couldn't close the shower curtain and there were clothes in the shower with you. The door of the bathroom wouldn't close either due to the over the door attachments with heavy clothes on them. You couldn't open our front door (the main door) because there were so many coats behind it. When things broke in our home, they were not fixed. Basic maintenance was neglected. We went without a water heater for almost a year. Our refrigerator also broke. It was me as a teen who ended up cleaning it out, not my parents. We probably didn't have a working refrigerator for years. There was so much mold in our house. At one point there was a bee hive somewhere in the house. So many mice and bugs. I was never allowed to throw anything away. My father would take bags of trash out of the trash dumpster and bring them to one of the 4 sheds instead of letting me throw them away. What still gets me years later is the smell. My brother sold that house and had to pay for 18 construction dumpsters of stuff to be removed before it could be sold. My parents separated and both moved out of that unlivable house and went to wreck 2 new separate houses with their hoarding (which they have now done). As a teen I was very upset about the house and would get into fights with my parents about it. They also saw me as the problem. I never realized that living in that environment was abuse until recently now that I have my own children. The worst part is that people knew and no one ever thought to rescue me.
living with my parents the house was just filled with so much clutter. I barely had space for me. My room was their closet so I didn’t have any privacy or a chance to feel safe or comfortable. The kitchen never was a kitchen just a gigantic library of random things. Resulting in me not feeling comfortable in eating. Skinnier I got more I felt insecure when comments on my weight or appearance. I just felt so insecure and ashamed of my existence. I felt overlooked and disgusting. Living there I felt disgusted. Everything I see even tho I no longer live there I feel and see disgust like everything is contaminated. Endless cycle of not feeling comfortable like chronically uncomfortable. I live alone and still afraid of someone bussing through the door never knocking it’s like living life constantly on constant edge. Noticing the smallest things like a speck of dirty and instantly feel disgusting. I go on purges of just throwing away all my possessions because it reminds me of living there.
Brand new to your channel my gut telling me your a leo?
I'm so sorry you went through this. It definitely is abuse. I'm so glad you left at 18 and haven't been back since.
My mom had chronic illness and was a mild hoarder. She never kept trash, but she used my bathroom shower as a closet, and even stored some of her things in my room. Yes, I deeply understand the feeling of carried shame. She was also heavily medicated and slept most the day, and was up all night. That was our big secret. I never had friends growing up because I was too ashamed to get close to anyone. I was also homeschooled, so I never got any respite except when my parents chose to take us out for dinner. If you're seeking community, I highly recommend going to an Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meeting. They accept anyone that grew up in a dysfunctional house due to addictions, mental conditions, etc. They focus on grieving and recovering from carried shame through community. It's free and it's a lifesaver.
I guess you’re not making vlogs any more. I really appreciate what you did. Thank you. 🙏 Hope you’re well. 💖💝❤️
mental-emotional trauma results in loneliness, i have dealt with mental and emotional trauma since a very young age. i would be trapped inside myself and no one could see me is the best way to explain it. i tried everything because it was paralyzing me. therapy made it even worse somehow and i was barely functioning. i was surrounded and falling into death. Then Jesus found me, and I knew I would be okay and He is the answer. i can't put it into words but i try in case someone reads this and it helps them reach out to Him.
My mother is a low grade hoarder but nowhere as close to what you described. In her mind she is a "collector" and while she indeed does have some collections many of the other stuff are pure junk. She perceives the value of her pocessions as much higher than it actually is. Also the compulsive shopping, like literally everyday she will buy something useless like a soap bar or whatever. I think hoarding is common among the boomer generation especially who have a bit of a scarcity mindset. But it is a disorder and usually not the only one. I find it very difficult to reason with my mother, there is no logic involved and her reactions are immature and emotional, similar to a tantrum of a toddler. Also these people tend to not accept their problem so they are not open to help.
Im sorry u been through that tho I felt like a disgusting over from the grossness my parents put me through as well what helped me was to im still idk if I should keep in contact with my mom I do my dad hes clean he lives in a clean camper its got a hot tub hes changed alot imhe take care of himself like hes got false teeth hed got a hes taking care of himself I needed to talk about this but this vidoe was very triggering but its okay like your just talking about what you went through
Ik uv had bad parents but your clean pretty vibe I lived with my grandma but both my parents did drugs and iv seen alot of stuff that my parents horried my moms actually in a rehab rn and they make her keep her room clean or she'll get kicked out i need to go to my tharpist to cope with it now cuz I had alot of self hate with my parents being nasty doing drugs they live in Amish house right beside our house and they im ashamed to say thus but they'd use the bathroom outside to cuz the water didnt work like camping they use the bathroom outside they wouldnt wash there hands
I never thought of my home as a hoarder house but your experience has made me realize that even though it wasn't as "bad" as the houses on the show "hoarders" its effect on me was the same. I have and experience all of these feelings of grossness, anxiety, not being able to connect with others, holding a secret that absolutely no one can know. This is why I am so lonely and feel like I can't invite anyone in. Edit to add: Also does not help that I was homeschooled, so my entire life is a secret. The only people I have in my life are my family. Not even my grandparents or extended family. I live in such a small world. Thank you for helping me realize why people are so scary to me.
I grew up with a narcissistic hoarder mother. So bad I was taken away by cps but we still have irregular contact. Through my adoptive family they say her apartment is an absolute war zone again with tiny walkways and stacks to the ceilings to the point you’re hardly able to move at all. I’m being forced to visit her apartment today and try to help her downsize for her upcoming move since she’s being kicked out of her apartment for hoarding. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself to go straight back into what I lived in for so long, and straight back into all the arguments over garbage and trash. It’s not easy.
gay lalala
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. You are very brave for posting your video! There is a saying that God uses all things for good for those who love and trust in Him! I would just be careful with going too far with card readings and tarot because God wants us to trust in Him. He says he has wonderful things planned for us. From my personal experience in the past with tarot and fortune tellers, they can tell you inaccurate things that can put you in a box about your future. You don’t want to limit yourself! Sending love and light and praying to God for you if you don’t mind in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen! Thank you for sharing your story! 🙏💖
Unfortunately, this is relatable. I could never have friends over, and this led to me keeping friends at a distance. I eventually hid my friends away from my parents and couldnt have normal friendships or relationships. This has fucked my life over in so many ways and im glad its finally coming to light. Thank you for sharing ❤❤❤
Oh no, this is a wonderful video & story, but please dont send people to Teal Swan, she makes a lot of money making up things.
Never able to shake this vast feeling of loneliness. Even when I’m surrounded by people. Even if I have good friends at the time. Everything you said in this completely resonated with me and made me realize a lot. So comforting to hear I’m not the only person who feels like this because of my childhood trapped in a hoarder house. I hate how I hold everyone at arms length, how I listen to my friends whenever they need me but always think I’m tough enough I can take it, and keep my own feelings a secret. My mom was the only one I confided in as a child. And I was the only one she fully confided in. I felt an unspoken responsibility to protect her and be her emotional support system because she was the only emotional support I had. She was afraid to exist financially without my dad and but also afraid to seek a way out of his hoarder house and possibly lose me because of the situation. Then just a couple years after I was able to move out I ended up losing her to cancer. I’ve never been the same since. And you saying that it takes years and years to work thru trauma like that gave me hope. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully feel. But hearing your experience has brought me some serious hope that I can at least try to work through it taking things one day at a time.
This exactly is what I'm looking for rn
I really appreciate your bravery on this subject. I try to host frequent game nights for friends and family to keep a motivation for cleaning my apartment. Sunlight is the best disinfectant for my inherited disorganization. I noticed my siblings also do that thing where they don't feel like they can live in their living rooms... huh... We're not alone. Thank you for your bravery
Thank you so so so much for this and for your content. I am feeling intensely validated -- it's literally like you're inside my head. I grew up in a cluttered hoard that was "clean", but I get so much anxiety over the slightest dysfunction in my home (a box I haven't recycled, three dishes in the sink, etc). I end up just dissociating and avoiding all responsibility (especially steps of self care!) instead of moving forward gently to alleviate my anxiety. You're so spot on about cleaning up for other people but not doing it for oneself; my only memories of deep cleaning as a kid were for when we were having company. I had to teach myself and I'm still teaching myself what cleanliness is and what a home can be and how I can take up space in it. Your example of loving yourself and radically accepting yourself as you are right now is touching my heart. Thank you. <3
i get you my dad was a mentally ill narcisstit a horder, thank you for sharing your story. when i finally get a place of mine own i will keep it clean and safe unlike my parents sidd
your videos are so special
My husband grew up with a hoarding mother. His father didn't put his foot down about the mess and enabled her. It wasn't until I came along and laid down the law (established boundaries) that she ever was confronted about her behavior. My husband remembers climbing over piles as a child. We tried cleaning up the mess so my husband's father could come home from the hospital and have room to safely maneuver. She absolutely flipped out (my mother-in-law that is) when we started clearing things out. My husband had a bad smell about him until about a year after we started dating. It was like the mold just had to somehow work its way out of his clothes and body. I knew it was the smell of must and mildew because that's what the house smells like. I didn't blame my husband. I'm sorry that you grew up this way. I can't tell if I'm comforted for you or even more sad for all of you who have this in common. I didn't grow up this way but I know what it is to love somebody who is a hoarder and love somebody who is affected by their behavior. And I know what it is to finally establish boundaries that you can forcibly protect. And I know what it is to watch those Hoarders flip out when they no longer have control over a space and a person. My mother-in-law had a nervous breakdown on the spot and was literally running around the neighborhood in a t-shirt tearing at her hair when I told her that if we ever had children she would never get to have them in her home as long as she was a hoarder and I was not satisfied with the condition of the space. I told her I did not control her and she was perfectly entitled to do what she wanted with her home but there was no way she was going to have any access to my children in that space.
I can't describe how much comfort this video brought me
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your feelings! I know I am coming to this a year after you posted it, but I wanted to say that I am going through a similar situation right now and find myself extremely anxious and emotional, feeling lonely and just plain sad. My boyfriend is on his workterm for 2 months and right now, I don't know how I'll get through it. It's very validating to see someone else struggling at the beginning of this journey, and makes me hopeful that I can feel better and get through this situation. Thank you :)
When your hoarder parent promised they'd clean up, but in the end they didn't - Don't be hard on them. When they promised, they meant to, and they wanted to, and they thought they could. But, they really couldn't. They didn't know how. They didn't have the tools and the insight. It's difficult and time consuming even when everything is stacked in hoarder's favor re cleanup. ( I'm kind of a hoarder, and I'm cleaning up and researching solutions and insights ; I don't subject family to this, as living quarters are separate from hoarded areas, but I do have some results to deliver ) I have powerful insights and methods and tools and problem solving skills, and it's still a battle for every square foot and item. It's like getting fish to fly - regular fish, not those flying fish.
youre voice so calm me down 💕🎀
I grew up with my drug addicted parents regularly telling me off for not tidying my bedroom when the rest of the house was just as bad...their bedroom being the worst! It baffles me how they've ever been willing to have friends over! 🤯 I'm now 32 and live alone, addicted to Amphetamines like they were but do my best to keep my flat nice and tidy, but I'm still awkward about having people round because of the "mess" ...I know it's illogical but it's still in my head. Like you I'm left with an almost overwhelming sense that I'm always dirty and gonna smell bad...now my parents both have declining health I have been spending so much time tidying their home just for them to not even wipe the excess sugar off the surface when making coffee, and my mum is constantly ordering random and unnecessary items from Temu to add to the piles of junk and more than a decade worth of post that I put aside for her go go through about 14 months ago but all she does is watch TV and order crap from Temu while I'm trying to keep my home and her home clean aswell as working 2 jobs! I've spent the entire day sleeping because I finally let myself have a day off, but I know I'll go back there after work later just for it to be the same old shit! 🤦 WOW! I never really saw it as a problem that affects me until now, so I thank you deeply Gayla, for your video! 🙏 I've been taking many deep dives ALOT after getting away from a relationshit with a Narcissistic abuser last Summer. She tried to ruin me but I've used the pain as fuel to become something better...the person I desire to be and who my future partner deserves to be loved by! It's been a tough journey with a number of bitter pills to swallow (metaphorically, not the Amphetamine ones for ADHD) 😂 But anyway enough of my rambling, thank you Gayla. 🤟
Thank you for sharing your experience! I need some help with family. My son and daughter-in-law are 24 and have a 2 yo son. I can see my son separating from the situation. The hoarding has been growing each year. The rest of the family is stepping away from the situation due to my daughter’s reaction and level of the house. What should I do?? What can I do now to help prevent my grandson from a lifetime of issues and to hopefully try to keep their marriage together. They love each other so much and I love them very much. I’m hoping to prevent! If there are any men who had a mother hoarder, I would love to hear from you, I’m hoping that If I can present information to more people in the family, maybe I can get them together to work on prevention.
Teal Swan says some wise things but also some seriously dangerous "magical thinking" things that will absolutely damage people who take her too seriously. be careful folks
i was in the hoard on my own. my mom , sister, and step dad were at my stepdads house. he is controlling and abusive and my mom thought putting me in the other house would help not be terrorized by him so lots of isolation
You’re courage is beautiful and inspiring 🥰
ugh this is me currently our life is so dysfunctional we never get to meet with people cuz our house is such a mess every house we move to is filled with Junk I just wish I never had this hoader lifestyle I cant wait for college so I can finally live without the garbage affecting me I always get blamed how am I suppose to clean if its gonna end up a mess again 1 month later
thankyou for sharing this omg ive grown up in a hoarders house (still here sadly i have nowhere else to go at the moment) and i relate to everything in this i mean if i start specifically talking about everything wrong id be here forever but i have the biggest mouse/rat problem and its so bad. everything i own is crawled over and theres mouse shit everywhere. i cant use any kitchen appliances so we order aswell (which takes ALL of our money) so we are broke asf too. its so hard i wish child me could have experienced at least one sleepover where i hosted it at my own house. anyway i love you and this video thankyou for making me feel less lonely
I just came across your videos and I'm not sure if you are still making videos but wanted to let you know that I find myself learning and thinking about things every time I watch one of your videos. I can't even recall anything specific but I just like how you are deep and think about things that most people don't. I'm the same way only i'm probably 40 years older than you. I get a long with most people and enjoy life but find it hard to truly connect with most people. I keep searching for really good close friends and it's rare that I find someone that I want to be close friends with. I'm really not a snob but I just don't think most people are introspective or truly caring of others. But when I do meet people that are really of good quality, I recognize it. I think you would be that kind of person. But anyway, yes I understand about the pet. For me, animals are much easier to connect with. It's great that you are living with your boyfriend and connect with him after all the trauma in your life. I hope you continue to make videos but if not, I hope you are doing really well!
Thank you for sharing your insight and experience with these feelings. I found the same after moving out of my grandparents house into my first apartment. Their hoarding and the dirtiness I felt from living in a home with so many mice and clutter really affected how I felt in my own space. I was never satisfied with it as it never felt clean or organized enough, and honestly I always felt like a mess!! Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s helped me to better understand why I found it so difficult to enjoy that space and what I’ll be aware of moving forward. ❤️
Good on you! Not from a hoarding home.. but had emotional incest and abuse. What you're doing here will be helping so many people. What a beautiful, courageous soul you are. You've clearly had the ability to stay soft and open despite the obstacles you've had to traverse in life. This is true strength. I will be praying for you ❤God bless 🙂
This video is amazing. Thank you. The fear of being "caught" and doing things only when others might see it are things I still deal with and I've been out of that house for almost 30 years. I relate to so much that you said here.
Just found your video and am feeling so hurt for you but also feeling less alone in my own experience growing up with family members like this. Thank you so much, we do recover and we do move forward no matter the circumstances we have to deal with ❤️
I'm so proud of you. You're so brave. I dated a hoarder for 6 months last year because I wanted to help his 8 year old daughter. I cleaned his place, got his water turned back on. Tried to clean his car. He hoarded that too. I'm very codependent because I grew up with an alcoholic mother and had to mother her. It's a struggle trying to not be codependent or anxious.
I never have my own room, i never have my own table. there's 5 abandoned room that is used to store unused stuff. she never really cared. she's a bad mother. My mom is a hoarder, bipolar, controlling, and schizophrenic(?). we all sleep in the same room, no privacy at all. the house if filled with roaches, rats, and rat poops. i can never clean the house because of how many stuff there is and if i do she will throw a tantrum and make me feel gullible. She moves stuff every single NIGHT, this result in many broken electronics. She also "encourage" my school life by telling me to do better everytime. This really hurts my mental health. i don't think i can ever be enough to her. i have never been allowed to go outside with my friends. never hae the permission to go outside without parental vision. never be allowed to be independent. i feel isolated. My parent's sibling came into our "home" some time ago, and feel digusted. they talked to her (screaming, crying, bla bla bla), after they leave. SHE DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE ANYTHING. As i mentioned before she's schizophrenic(?), (?) because i still don't know if these are real or not and we haven't talked to doctors yet. every day she talks to herself and scream about neighbours "talking and mocking" about stuff she's doing that's beyond minds comprehension. like for example doing laundry, cleaning the floor, moving stuff, closing the gate, turning on vehicles. By my logic there's no way she can hear this because our room to outside is blocked by 3 concrete walls. I've had many arguments about this with her and it'll all result in screaming back to back or crying. Her Bipolar also make things harder because of the mood changes. The constant argument she had i think will make her worse, this really set me onto a guilt trip because i will lose every argument no matter the point. I'm 15 right now. These stuff have been going on for 4 years now.