So much love for you and your honest openness here. RESONANCE .III, SOLIDARITY. Love is much much bigger than our dominant pair-only fictional model of relationships allows. IIIΞ love openly best in-societies.
@scapegoatsolidarity95347 сағат бұрын
watching avpd videos because my new friend wants to hang out with me again, but i am unable due to avpd social blanking, the fear is too much. others videos are comforting. im very suicidal. life is meaningless without relationships. worse, i think this girl likes me non platonically (i like her too in that way) so she is being persistant and wont give up on me. its just making my pain and guilt worse. sorry for the vent. does anyone have advice for social blanking? (wanting to conversate but mind being virtually completely empty.)
@iggyzane18 сағат бұрын
Awhile ago I heard something along the lines of needing to treat a long-term partner as you would a child because we bring our most vulnerable selves to these relationships. Although I find that anti romantic, I did agree it was more realistic. I think especially for those with a lot of wounds. In healing, I've had to foster a similar relationship with myself. Thinking about myself as a child that I need to take care of. I have ADHD too and I have trouble eating so I have to adopt an attitude of how do I take care of this child who is hungry but unable to eat. Before I would just ignore the needs by snacking but now I have found ways to sit down for a meal (with different accommodations) and I feel much better afterwards but it takes a lot more time and effort than my snacking routine but I do it for this other person inside me (that is how I need to frame it). I think finding happiness in life and love is more like this than the romances. I love romance and for me it is a dopamine obsession. But it has given me so much trouble in life honestly. For a long time I denied that. But learning to take care of my needs step by step has shown me that. Sometimes it's just small things that are needed to feel comfortable and relaxed and that helps with everything else.
@anxious_and_avoidant9 сағат бұрын
Beautifully said, and it resonates perfectly. ❤️🩹
@meaganv2039Күн бұрын
Hey, you are really brave. I don’t think telling white lies is abnormal per se it’s probably more of going to an extreme. To answer your question on if others experience being more comfortable being authentic with strangers or people who don’t really mean anything to you, I sway both ways. I have this weird thing where I’m overly grateful when I interact with random people. If I go through a drive through and get my frozen coffee that I love.. when the worker hands me my change or my straw before even giving me change or my card back or whatever lol I will keep saying thank you so much like they just gave my pet cpr or saved a child from drowning. It’s fucking weird but I keep noticing that I do that. A part of it feels like I automatically feel like a bother when this is seriously mundane and people just doing their jobs. Not sure if that’s an AVPD thing coming from being insecure or what. So I’m answering your question with a question lol.
@anxious_and_avoidantКүн бұрын
I do thaaaat but to me I think it comes from the intersection of being a people pleaser in general and also just having worked shit jobs and wanting them to know I don’t take them for granted 😅 I’ve been known to tell customer service employees at any and all establishments “I appreciate you” which I think they sometimes feel awkward about 😅 but I really do want them to feel it hahahaha
@meaganv2039Күн бұрын
Haha! My new awkward sentence in these instances is usually “hope your shift goes by fast.” I appreciate you works too though. I’m borrowing that.
@aljmbsca843 күн бұрын
Thanks for the amazing video!! This is very informative and helpful. However, if someone is very insecure, I don't think relationships will be easy for them even they have a secure partner. Because a healthy relationship requires emotional availability, self-awareness and willingness to grow, which is something an insecure person doesn't have.
@anxious_and_avoidant2 күн бұрын
Good point. I just know if you have a completely secure partner, you might be more able to work through those kinds of things with them 🤷🏻♀️ or maybe that’s just wishful thinking hahahah.
@AXharoth6 күн бұрын
youre the most precious
@AXharoth6 күн бұрын
one of the most gorgeous women i ever seen 😍😍
@AXharoth6 күн бұрын
youre such a cutie omg im in love
@meaganv20396 күн бұрын
This is freaking me out. Not you or anything you’re saying, but I could use your same words about myself. Even down to sleeping to cope. This is blowing my mind a little. If you haven’t tried this yet, I’ve found a certain brand of gummies that are basically indica 2 parts cbd to 1 part thc and it’s the only thing to shut my busy mind down. If you can get something similar maybe it can help you too. Crap now I have to watch all of your videos because the ones I’ve seen are excellent. Time to procrastinate and start that tomorrow. Hang in there lady. Your content is so helpful. This stuff is overwhelming.
@anxious_and_avoidant6 күн бұрын
🫂🫶 I appreciate you!!
@meaganv20395 күн бұрын
Back at ya
@AXharoth7 күн бұрын
10:00 omfg dont say that , thats so painful to hear you say that , youre magnificent youre a miracle , a treasure you deserve all the best things and to be cherished
@AXharoth7 күн бұрын
im in love with you , you soooo pretty and cute , i like everything about you 😍😍
@AXharoth7 күн бұрын
youre sooooo prrrrrrrretty waw subbed
@Codreanu_Prezent7 күн бұрын
I've been isolated since childhood. I don't know what it's like to have a friend... Honestly, I don't care anymore. I accept the coming cruel ending to my misfortunate fate that awaits me. I just want to rest; a hope that God takes my soul and blots me from all history. What a sorrow it is to know I exist. Yet I fight on... aimless but with the fires of the Orthodox Christian Faith guiding me. With the hope that all this suffering was not in vain. But even with this faith, which has settled for once the bitter existential dread of nihilism in relation to the human existence, the existential poison has now shifted. Faith has vanquished nihilism of humanity's meta-purpose, but not of my self, not on an individual level, not of my own humanity, for I am hollow. Reflected this terror is so terribly in the question that haunts me: "Why do I still live?" Yes... so close to God I am... yet evermore so distant from the bonds of fellowships of humanity. "Man is not meant to be alone" it is written.
@meaganv20397 күн бұрын
This might sound weird but what kind of counselor do you see? I’ve tried different therapists and they all have relied on cognitive behavioral therapy which does nothing for me. I’m also going through medication hell. Everything I’ve tried has either failed or given me such horrible side effects I can’t take them. Now I’ve got medications being combined that shouldn’t be taken together with major risk factors. I’m so frustrated.
@anxious_and_avoidant7 күн бұрын
I’ve only ever had CBT counselors and it’s never helped me either. Years later, I can say adderall helps me get up and go when I need to, but there are negative side effects and none of it really helps my AvPD that much except for being able to “power through” social situations a little easier when necessary. I very much feel on my own and it’s been basically impossible to make measurable improvements.
@meaganv20396 күн бұрын
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I was diagnosed with inattentive adhd over 6 months ago but it never got treated. I have so many medical problems a lot gets put on the back burner. I’m going to mention dopamine when I go back in a month. Appreciate you sharing your experience. You’re an awesome person.
@dornravlin8 күн бұрын
I used to want to want to stay depressed but then I found the comfort of being some what calmer in life
@nugget66358 күн бұрын
I don't think it's a matter of being worthy. It's just that behavior-wise it's set to fail from the very beginning. So yes the actions of this personality are always going to make relationships fail. "But can't I control my actions?" I hear you ask... Unfortunately a personality disorder means that the person has no control.
@searchlightsoul11 күн бұрын
BPD has a fear of engulfment , Avpd does not . FA attachment doesnt necessarily mean bpd ( common attachment in avpd & apparently bpd but some attachment counsellors,Thais Gibson says she sees anxious attachment more in BPD) But that could be a lot of the issues too. - Avpd has a stable sense of self - a negative one lol
@broniajelmanowa13 күн бұрын
fascinating. i'm diagnosed with BPD and it took me a long time to come to terms with because my symptoms really manifest as the quiet subtype rather than the stereotypical, more externalizing profile, to the point where i really doubted i even had any sort of mental disorder at all. but growing up i did read about personality disorders and related super heavily to AvPD And NPD 🥴 which sounds like a wacky combination but does more or less make sense if one looks at it as just being BPD. covers both the sensitivity & tendency towards isolation part + the angrier edgier features sometimes bordering on narcissism
@grimlock376813 күн бұрын
BPD and AVPD is impossible to be co-occurring, you can for sure have BPD traits though
@meaganv203913 күн бұрын
❤️ I just got diagnosed on Monday.
@mobomba620614 күн бұрын
Love you 🫶
@searchlightsoul17 күн бұрын
lol @ your video caption 😂 In the past I’ve unfortunately attended my grandmother’s funeral twice 😞 She’s still alive and almost 100 so I didn’t jinx her luckily.
@searchlightsoul17 күн бұрын
I’m beyond happy I found this channel after failed attempted therapy ,bpd misdiagnosis , no one knowing about this condition and late diagnosed adhd . I’m looking into schema therapy now. I am early 40s so it’s extremely hard not to cave into the hopelessness . I lost a lot of development time to panic disorder & agoraphobia so I try not to be super hard on myself , it was a disabling condition . Now, I am trying to get back into work by doing the bare minimum of pre employment program. The intimacy part Is an entire other thing to overcome , I think I am counterdependent at this point . Still working on healing regardless, to stop internalizing the abuse & neglect and my small nieces. Thank you for exposing yourself to bring light to this situation.
@anxious_and_avoidant17 күн бұрын
Yeah, I lost most of my 20s to it and now at 30 I feel like I’m still spinning my wheels. But I guess even minuscule progress is progress, and knowing what I’m up against does feel like a step in the right direction. It’s hard to make gains when (useful) therapy isn’t accessible though. 😕 As much as I know about psychology, being my own therapist isn’t working as well as I’d have hoped hahahahah.
@searchlightsoul15 күн бұрын
@@anxious_and_avoidant definitely tiny improvements will lead to momentum..I had a bunch of momentum pre-Covid and even during, so I’m going to lean into that mind frame. Relate to the trying to be your own therapist isn’t too helpful , we probably know too much psychology at this point , pretty sure I annoyed the emdr clinic & made them feel incompetent which I don’t think anyone likes. Schema therapy is supposed to be helpful . It would be great to develop in person groups too which would be great exposure /support /problem solving. I am in Canada fyi , not sure where you are located.
@searchlightsoul17 күн бұрын
All of us with avpd issues need to get together and study ourselves and put together a “scientific” study (and take all the credit ourselves) because no therapists out there can help 😆 I have FA to the degree I’m not even putting myself out there anymore . But , my goal now is to just push through this avoidance to just do normal socializing again .
18 күн бұрын
Thanks for the video. I'm SPD and wondered how my thoughts/fears differ from AvPD. Maybe oversimplifying but what i think is true form my understanding: SPD theme is motivation to protect myself from the world. Do not trust anyone, even myself. For AvPD it would be simpler: protect myself from shame. Freud would have loved this. For him, everything was sexual. For me sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with it. I fear intimacy. For with intimacy you must trust. For developing friendships you must trust. And when at sime point early in life you can't handle the emotions of betrayal by parent, sibling, or other central person in your life you turn your emotions off. I remember the moment for me when i stopped crying when i got teased by my older brothers. I was six or seven. And correctly guessed that the teasing would stop if i stopped rewarding them with my emotional outbursts.
@scapegoatsolidarity953418 күн бұрын
i recently began to make a friend. devastating because i am now pulling away from them, as the fear and adrenaline produced during the interactions, was too much to bear. i couldnt even sleep from adrenaline, and needed to change clothes from sweating. i want to die so badly, but i believe in Jesus so i cant do that until its my time to go naturally. but this existance is torture. i also fell for this person, just to make it hurt worse.
@nugget663519 күн бұрын
I don't think it's about liking. This is a very fear-driven personality so... It's about safety, feeling safe and whatnot. So an avoidant PD simply put thinks living is too risky. Going out with friends is too risky. Friends can be fake toxic friends and whatnot.. So yeah avoidance, fears, fear of commitment, fear of responsibility, fear of toxic asshole people, fear of accountability, fear of society, people and the Sun itself... Fears... Because an avoidant PD person does not feel safe around supposed (possibly fake) toxic-ass friends... It is BETTER to be alone, kinda depressed but still safe than to constantly feel threatened by the enmeshment of toxic ass friends. Avoidants do not notice this as fear because lack of self-consciousness defines all Personality Disorders.
@anxious_and_avoidant18 күн бұрын
Exactly 👍
@Rob0_t19 күн бұрын
I'm not officially diagnosed with AvPD (even though I'm diagnosed with ASD and ADHD) but I can relate a lot with probably all AvPD traits I've ever read about, and I recently learned about what is a vulnerable narcissism and could see some similarities with me because some AvPD traits and vulnerable narcissism traits seems to overlap... And after learning that I was really afraid of the possibility of me being some sort of narcisist, a vulnerable narcisist... and your video had such a calm, rational and reasoble approach that it made me feel a bit better and more secure about me probably not being a narcisist, so thank you for your video! I'm usually calm and rational to a lot of things but when it comes to things about myself personally I get easily insecure and I'm always afraid that every bad thing I ever wondered about myself could be true somehow, so I can't thank you enough. I've seen other videos on the subject and your video was one of the few that didn't stigmatized the whole thing, that gave careful thoughts on each items and approached them in a more human way.
@anxious_and_avoidant18 күн бұрын
🫶🫶🫶
@Kristen-og9wo19 күн бұрын
I'm INFJ, too!
@ox-po36320 күн бұрын
Thank you for the video! And thank you for sharing! I'm anxious too. I can relate all these reasons.
@markrutte563720 күн бұрын
I didnt speak at all except one other kid in pre k. The teacher hugged me once when decided to say something once
@georgesontag219220 күн бұрын
I have been in a relationship with a woman exactly like you. I always wondered why she does what she did. Its obvious, the longer they are with somebody, the more distant they become. They are afraid of bonding, they are afraid of what they will get and discover something new. She does have a valid point. Covert narcissists cannot be identified, until its too late. They take the avoidant path. I dont take it personally anymore. I must accept her or move on.
@searchlightsoul20 күн бұрын
I have these issues and was late diagnosed adhd . Too late at this point . But after several days of vyvanse , only 20mg it makes me tired and sleepy . I almost had to pull over the side of the road to sleep on day 3. Maybe higher dose is needed or more time or I’m Misdiagnosed . But I’m wondering if this whole situation is down to the avoidance , and not adhd.
@divergentmind202320 күн бұрын
adhd mixed with asd with ocd tendencies energy for two type a i was able to manage until i had kids, then it got harder in perimenopause now and it got bad enough for me to need adderall, black tea, hormones and change many of my strategies because they stopped working progesterone helps me to sleep better and i wish someone had given me that my whole life insomnia was cruel started at 9 years old i was so busy surviving that i could not be depressed but now it is hitting me double i am so sorry that there are so many of us suffering so much rejection dysphoria sucks we are more likely to have trauma than the neuro typical high fat medium protein low carb helps me a lot added fermented foods easy the digestion i do less and rest more the fear that i will not remember some crucial info and it is nerve racking the silly mistakes are embarrassing people don’t take me seriously i am finally losing weight after a decade gaining thank you for sharing we can learn so much from you i have been so angry at myself but i need to deal with it, i have lots of self hatred and i must forgive myself as i do others, have self compassion at least 50% as i show others ….
@Plup020 күн бұрын
I recently discovered the existence of this disorder and I think I have this problem. I thought it was autism or maybe social anxiety because those are the only “disorders” I know of, but I never got that diagnosis, but I knew there was something. I recently discovered that I have Daydreaming, it isn't a disorder. Of course I'm going to seek a medical diagnosis but I feel like I'm slowly understanding more about myself.
@IHaveNoLife-nc8wj22 күн бұрын
I'm in my 40s and never really had a lot of friends. I decided last year that I'm done with people and gave up on trying to make friends. I'm happier being alone now with no friends (not like people are lining up to be my pal).
@Codreanu_Prezent7 күн бұрын
Find a music club you might enjoy. Jazz or something.
@tudormiller88723 күн бұрын
I'm both AvPD & ADHD, with undiagnosed Autism.
@jeffreycoleman867624 күн бұрын
I used to think i related more to avpd, but after having some good therapy sessions i think i relate much more to schizoid, especially when you learn more about the disorders and not just surface appearances they present.
@wendiifulford360325 күн бұрын
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
@kr364227 күн бұрын
I kept waiting for something i didnt relate to as a diagnosed autistic woman. Pretty much everything you said resonated, and they are things i brought up in my diagnosic interview. I specifically asked for differential diagnosis against PDs, and was told i didnt have any. You may want to seek out a specialist like i did. Self dx and therpapist dx are a great first step but a neuropsych eval or an autism specialist is really needed imo. Also, the people around you not thinking youre autistic is pretty normal for women, because most people have an incomplete or wrong idea about how it presents in low support needs women. Aka level one, formerly called aspergers.
@anxious_and_avoidant27 күн бұрын
I’ve definitely considered this a toooon and go back and forth on what I think about it as it pertains to me (but I was diagnosed with ADHD too, after this, and think autism would likely explain the symptoms of both better since my ADHD is largely sensory and executive functioning issues) but I just don’t think an assessment will ever be accessible to me unfortunately. 😕
@kr364227 күн бұрын
@@anxious_and_avoidant it can be pretty expensive, yeah. The guy I went to charged $1900 without insurance. He can see ppl virtually in 35 states and has 20 years of specialist experience in the presentation of women and afab ppl. If you, or anyone that sees this wants his info I'll share it.
@anxious_and_avoidant15 күн бұрын
I’m sorry, I’m just seeing this reply. I would love the information if you’re comfortable sharing. I can’t afford it now but hopefully will be able to eventually. 😅
@kr364215 күн бұрын
@anxious_and_avoidant YES! Absolutely. Dr.Benjamin Neely is who I got my dx from. He specializes differential diagnosis of asd and adhd , with focus on women's presentations. He can see people via zoom in 39 states. I paid out of pocket without insurance for $1900 but yours could be less.
@anxious_and_avoidant15 күн бұрын
@@kr3642 I appreciate you!! 🫶
@lucianbalasanu895627 күн бұрын
You are so nice! I am sorry you are strugling with this disorder, hope you find a releaf soon. Wish you the best!
@ivanaveltmeyer637327 күн бұрын
Sorry Maxeen, but I don’t feel that you are struggling with vulnerable narcissism or bpd. We all can exhibit different behaviour and emotions but drivers behind those are completely different. I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist but I do receiving therapy for my mental health issues, and I many times asked my psychologist if am I bpd, but answer is always NO. My first therapist kept praising me, and yes, it’s felt good, but later on I didn’t want to continue with him, as I felt that he wasn’t genuine. I’m not a living saint, I’m a human with good and bad traits. I felt that I wasn’t talking much from our sessions, so I changed the psychologist, who challenges me at times, so I can reflect on my behaviour and taking something from our sessions. But Maxeen, I really don’t feel that you are suffering bpd. Thank you for your videos, I only find your channel today, so thank you.🙏
@belzeboss.28 күн бұрын
I had a lot of self hatred accumulated over the years; every small insult or critique I internalised and made it part of myself instead of working on it I guess. Which is what most people expect me to do if they beat me down. I'm not sure why this is like a normal thing but for me it's like the worst that can happen especially in a group setting, talking about humiliation and ridicule. Anyways, getting older, I think breaching 30 for me I challenged myself to find value in myself, after avoiding every friend, family member and person I knew, by just moving away. And oh well I discovered self compassion is a thing and no I'm just picking up the pieces that's left of me and try to make something from it. I feel like the ugliest mf alive, feel like a creep, feel like a nuisance to everyone. Feel like my existence is just not appreciated. Its so so so difficult to find value where no one else does xd I mean I'm not going around asking people what they think of me, obviously having trained my avoidance to perfection. Love your video, I'm picking them up as I go, but so far it's a emotional/struggle match for me.
@belzeboss.28 күн бұрын
I'm recently unemployed after working my first job for almost 8years! I worked in IT and was able to avoid people for the most part. I did the call in sick thing way to many times, and eventually ppl started (or maybe I became aware or delusional) to basically locked bully me and call me antisocial for not participating, where I associate that with vile criminal behaviour, I sort of let it wash over me and I payed more attention to these stipulations. To a point where every good interaction became a reason to treat me like shit in the next one. Call me names, insult me and the worst part is normalise it. Now I think they were trying to integrate me into the cool-kids club, but who knows. Ultimately one of the managers lied about something involving me. It wasn't too bad, but I thought she was using me as leverage to make a bigger argument, not sure. I was calling her out and then I got fired for gross misconduct! Yes. I'm glad I don't work with these people, and learning about narcissism and like micro management etc. I think my mind has been on overdrive for most of these years, just to avoid the negativity of people. But ultimately oh well, maybe it's. Urn out or smth. Now I'm unemployed and the only job, which can be any job, is one that I simply do with passion, so there is no wrong or right, no time pressure, no bosses who dont know your field, I think is important for me. To think someone without the knowhow is telling me what to do is triggering me so hard. And it feels like these people are earning more and also basking in your work and sell it as their own to higher ups. Its so painful. Soo I think we could be good bosses in these jobs, where we understand what we do and what we need. But getting into a passion, that can be turned into a job or a business is hard af. Love your vids and honesty, just a raw and nice person. I'm 80% sure I'm in the same ballpark. I started with NPD, going to betterhelp with the idea that I need to be healed from NPD; then autism, adhd, I found infp subreddit which is super positive, got into emotional neglect and now I'm here. So far most accounts if people with avpd resonate a lot with me.
@somber08728 күн бұрын
Because of childhood trauma and life constantly throwing shit at me I've developed a personality disorder.
@MusiCatsKing28 күн бұрын
Familiar - the word you were looking for was familiar; or safer. You pretty much said what i thought you would say, I don't have APD, but i have CPTSD with passive aggressive and avoidance tendencies; along with chronic depression and social anxiety. So, i can understand what you're saying even if not to the same extent.
@mariahwilliams533329 күн бұрын
You're so pretty ❤ im glad i found your channel. You're way too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break!
@anxious_and_avoidant28 күн бұрын
🥹 thank you
@stacig5997Ай бұрын
Wow, these videos are really helpful in understanding myself and I thank you for making them. I also have only one friend and she is constantly validating but she recently got sick and hasn't been reaching out and I can feel myself doubting that she has ever liked me in the first place. I can feel myself wanting to ghost her but I am trying everything to not. I have left everyone, I tend to leave all friendships. I do have a job but it is where I work with people who have severe mental and developmental disabilities and it is easier because they dissociate and aren't even aware of me most of the time, and that is easier for me somehow. I think that if you could work in a field that does not have to do with interactions with others in a typical way, maybe that would be less painful. I know other people work in IT from home but also understand that just doing the interviewing is hard. The only upside I have is that I am autistic and know how to mask temporarily but one criticism will crush that mask so it's complicated. I also want to say that I totally understand you not working, I totally get it and I have run from the majority of my jobs, like on the job running out crying (and quitting) so it's a mountain of a task, to stay employed. I also want to add, and I am not sure if this is true for others but I have learned to be very validating to others, to be kind, because I crave it so much that I give it out in spades for other people and maybe that is one small silver lining.
@leah2097Ай бұрын
hi, i just found your channel today and i just want to say thank you for talking about the struggles of avpd and sharing your own experiences with it, since 2022 ive been pretty sure i have avpd (haven’t been diagnosed yet) and your videos are helping me feel less alone and less ashamed of the way i am :)
@RubyOnyxxАй бұрын
This is so validating in so many ways. I have similar experiences and I'm glad to stumble across your video and vulnerability.
Пікірлер
So much love for you and your honest openness here. RESONANCE .III, SOLIDARITY. Love is much much bigger than our dominant pair-only fictional model of relationships allows. IIIΞ love openly best in-societies.
watching avpd videos because my new friend wants to hang out with me again, but i am unable due to avpd social blanking, the fear is too much. others videos are comforting. im very suicidal. life is meaningless without relationships. worse, i think this girl likes me non platonically (i like her too in that way) so she is being persistant and wont give up on me. its just making my pain and guilt worse. sorry for the vent. does anyone have advice for social blanking? (wanting to conversate but mind being virtually completely empty.)
Awhile ago I heard something along the lines of needing to treat a long-term partner as you would a child because we bring our most vulnerable selves to these relationships. Although I find that anti romantic, I did agree it was more realistic. I think especially for those with a lot of wounds. In healing, I've had to foster a similar relationship with myself. Thinking about myself as a child that I need to take care of. I have ADHD too and I have trouble eating so I have to adopt an attitude of how do I take care of this child who is hungry but unable to eat. Before I would just ignore the needs by snacking but now I have found ways to sit down for a meal (with different accommodations) and I feel much better afterwards but it takes a lot more time and effort than my snacking routine but I do it for this other person inside me (that is how I need to frame it). I think finding happiness in life and love is more like this than the romances. I love romance and for me it is a dopamine obsession. But it has given me so much trouble in life honestly. For a long time I denied that. But learning to take care of my needs step by step has shown me that. Sometimes it's just small things that are needed to feel comfortable and relaxed and that helps with everything else.
Beautifully said, and it resonates perfectly. ❤️🩹
Hey, you are really brave. I don’t think telling white lies is abnormal per se it’s probably more of going to an extreme. To answer your question on if others experience being more comfortable being authentic with strangers or people who don’t really mean anything to you, I sway both ways. I have this weird thing where I’m overly grateful when I interact with random people. If I go through a drive through and get my frozen coffee that I love.. when the worker hands me my change or my straw before even giving me change or my card back or whatever lol I will keep saying thank you so much like they just gave my pet cpr or saved a child from drowning. It’s fucking weird but I keep noticing that I do that. A part of it feels like I automatically feel like a bother when this is seriously mundane and people just doing their jobs. Not sure if that’s an AVPD thing coming from being insecure or what. So I’m answering your question with a question lol.
I do thaaaat but to me I think it comes from the intersection of being a people pleaser in general and also just having worked shit jobs and wanting them to know I don’t take them for granted 😅 I’ve been known to tell customer service employees at any and all establishments “I appreciate you” which I think they sometimes feel awkward about 😅 but I really do want them to feel it hahahaha
Haha! My new awkward sentence in these instances is usually “hope your shift goes by fast.” I appreciate you works too though. I’m borrowing that.
Thanks for the amazing video!! This is very informative and helpful. However, if someone is very insecure, I don't think relationships will be easy for them even they have a secure partner. Because a healthy relationship requires emotional availability, self-awareness and willingness to grow, which is something an insecure person doesn't have.
Good point. I just know if you have a completely secure partner, you might be more able to work through those kinds of things with them 🤷🏻♀️ or maybe that’s just wishful thinking hahahah.
youre the most precious
one of the most gorgeous women i ever seen 😍😍
youre such a cutie omg im in love
This is freaking me out. Not you or anything you’re saying, but I could use your same words about myself. Even down to sleeping to cope. This is blowing my mind a little. If you haven’t tried this yet, I’ve found a certain brand of gummies that are basically indica 2 parts cbd to 1 part thc and it’s the only thing to shut my busy mind down. If you can get something similar maybe it can help you too. Crap now I have to watch all of your videos because the ones I’ve seen are excellent. Time to procrastinate and start that tomorrow. Hang in there lady. Your content is so helpful. This stuff is overwhelming.
🫂🫶 I appreciate you!!
Back at ya
10:00 omfg dont say that , thats so painful to hear you say that , youre magnificent youre a miracle , a treasure you deserve all the best things and to be cherished
im in love with you , you soooo pretty and cute , i like everything about you 😍😍
youre sooooo prrrrrrrretty waw subbed
I've been isolated since childhood. I don't know what it's like to have a friend... Honestly, I don't care anymore. I accept the coming cruel ending to my misfortunate fate that awaits me. I just want to rest; a hope that God takes my soul and blots me from all history. What a sorrow it is to know I exist. Yet I fight on... aimless but with the fires of the Orthodox Christian Faith guiding me. With the hope that all this suffering was not in vain. But even with this faith, which has settled for once the bitter existential dread of nihilism in relation to the human existence, the existential poison has now shifted. Faith has vanquished nihilism of humanity's meta-purpose, but not of my self, not on an individual level, not of my own humanity, for I am hollow. Reflected this terror is so terribly in the question that haunts me: "Why do I still live?" Yes... so close to God I am... yet evermore so distant from the bonds of fellowships of humanity. "Man is not meant to be alone" it is written.
This might sound weird but what kind of counselor do you see? I’ve tried different therapists and they all have relied on cognitive behavioral therapy which does nothing for me. I’m also going through medication hell. Everything I’ve tried has either failed or given me such horrible side effects I can’t take them. Now I’ve got medications being combined that shouldn’t be taken together with major risk factors. I’m so frustrated.
I’ve only ever had CBT counselors and it’s never helped me either. Years later, I can say adderall helps me get up and go when I need to, but there are negative side effects and none of it really helps my AvPD that much except for being able to “power through” social situations a little easier when necessary. I very much feel on my own and it’s been basically impossible to make measurable improvements.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I was diagnosed with inattentive adhd over 6 months ago but it never got treated. I have so many medical problems a lot gets put on the back burner. I’m going to mention dopamine when I go back in a month. Appreciate you sharing your experience. You’re an awesome person.
I used to want to want to stay depressed but then I found the comfort of being some what calmer in life
I don't think it's a matter of being worthy. It's just that behavior-wise it's set to fail from the very beginning. So yes the actions of this personality are always going to make relationships fail. "But can't I control my actions?" I hear you ask... Unfortunately a personality disorder means that the person has no control.
BPD has a fear of engulfment , Avpd does not . FA attachment doesnt necessarily mean bpd ( common attachment in avpd & apparently bpd but some attachment counsellors,Thais Gibson says she sees anxious attachment more in BPD) But that could be a lot of the issues too. - Avpd has a stable sense of self - a negative one lol
fascinating. i'm diagnosed with BPD and it took me a long time to come to terms with because my symptoms really manifest as the quiet subtype rather than the stereotypical, more externalizing profile, to the point where i really doubted i even had any sort of mental disorder at all. but growing up i did read about personality disorders and related super heavily to AvPD And NPD 🥴 which sounds like a wacky combination but does more or less make sense if one looks at it as just being BPD. covers both the sensitivity & tendency towards isolation part + the angrier edgier features sometimes bordering on narcissism
BPD and AVPD is impossible to be co-occurring, you can for sure have BPD traits though
❤️ I just got diagnosed on Monday.
Love you 🫶
lol @ your video caption 😂 In the past I’ve unfortunately attended my grandmother’s funeral twice 😞 She’s still alive and almost 100 so I didn’t jinx her luckily.
I’m beyond happy I found this channel after failed attempted therapy ,bpd misdiagnosis , no one knowing about this condition and late diagnosed adhd . I’m looking into schema therapy now. I am early 40s so it’s extremely hard not to cave into the hopelessness . I lost a lot of development time to panic disorder & agoraphobia so I try not to be super hard on myself , it was a disabling condition . Now, I am trying to get back into work by doing the bare minimum of pre employment program. The intimacy part Is an entire other thing to overcome , I think I am counterdependent at this point . Still working on healing regardless, to stop internalizing the abuse & neglect and my small nieces. Thank you for exposing yourself to bring light to this situation.
Yeah, I lost most of my 20s to it and now at 30 I feel like I’m still spinning my wheels. But I guess even minuscule progress is progress, and knowing what I’m up against does feel like a step in the right direction. It’s hard to make gains when (useful) therapy isn’t accessible though. 😕 As much as I know about psychology, being my own therapist isn’t working as well as I’d have hoped hahahahah.
@@anxious_and_avoidant definitely tiny improvements will lead to momentum..I had a bunch of momentum pre-Covid and even during, so I’m going to lean into that mind frame. Relate to the trying to be your own therapist isn’t too helpful , we probably know too much psychology at this point , pretty sure I annoyed the emdr clinic & made them feel incompetent which I don’t think anyone likes. Schema therapy is supposed to be helpful . It would be great to develop in person groups too which would be great exposure /support /problem solving. I am in Canada fyi , not sure where you are located.
All of us with avpd issues need to get together and study ourselves and put together a “scientific” study (and take all the credit ourselves) because no therapists out there can help 😆 I have FA to the degree I’m not even putting myself out there anymore . But , my goal now is to just push through this avoidance to just do normal socializing again .
Thanks for the video. I'm SPD and wondered how my thoughts/fears differ from AvPD. Maybe oversimplifying but what i think is true form my understanding: SPD theme is motivation to protect myself from the world. Do not trust anyone, even myself. For AvPD it would be simpler: protect myself from shame. Freud would have loved this. For him, everything was sexual. For me sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with it. I fear intimacy. For with intimacy you must trust. For developing friendships you must trust. And when at sime point early in life you can't handle the emotions of betrayal by parent, sibling, or other central person in your life you turn your emotions off. I remember the moment for me when i stopped crying when i got teased by my older brothers. I was six or seven. And correctly guessed that the teasing would stop if i stopped rewarding them with my emotional outbursts.
i recently began to make a friend. devastating because i am now pulling away from them, as the fear and adrenaline produced during the interactions, was too much to bear. i couldnt even sleep from adrenaline, and needed to change clothes from sweating. i want to die so badly, but i believe in Jesus so i cant do that until its my time to go naturally. but this existance is torture. i also fell for this person, just to make it hurt worse.
I don't think it's about liking. This is a very fear-driven personality so... It's about safety, feeling safe and whatnot. So an avoidant PD simply put thinks living is too risky. Going out with friends is too risky. Friends can be fake toxic friends and whatnot.. So yeah avoidance, fears, fear of commitment, fear of responsibility, fear of toxic asshole people, fear of accountability, fear of society, people and the Sun itself... Fears... Because an avoidant PD person does not feel safe around supposed (possibly fake) toxic-ass friends... It is BETTER to be alone, kinda depressed but still safe than to constantly feel threatened by the enmeshment of toxic ass friends. Avoidants do not notice this as fear because lack of self-consciousness defines all Personality Disorders.
Exactly 👍
I'm not officially diagnosed with AvPD (even though I'm diagnosed with ASD and ADHD) but I can relate a lot with probably all AvPD traits I've ever read about, and I recently learned about what is a vulnerable narcissism and could see some similarities with me because some AvPD traits and vulnerable narcissism traits seems to overlap... And after learning that I was really afraid of the possibility of me being some sort of narcisist, a vulnerable narcisist... and your video had such a calm, rational and reasoble approach that it made me feel a bit better and more secure about me probably not being a narcisist, so thank you for your video! I'm usually calm and rational to a lot of things but when it comes to things about myself personally I get easily insecure and I'm always afraid that every bad thing I ever wondered about myself could be true somehow, so I can't thank you enough. I've seen other videos on the subject and your video was one of the few that didn't stigmatized the whole thing, that gave careful thoughts on each items and approached them in a more human way.
🫶🫶🫶
I'm INFJ, too!
Thank you for the video! And thank you for sharing! I'm anxious too. I can relate all these reasons.
I didnt speak at all except one other kid in pre k. The teacher hugged me once when decided to say something once
I have been in a relationship with a woman exactly like you. I always wondered why she does what she did. Its obvious, the longer they are with somebody, the more distant they become. They are afraid of bonding, they are afraid of what they will get and discover something new. She does have a valid point. Covert narcissists cannot be identified, until its too late. They take the avoidant path. I dont take it personally anymore. I must accept her or move on.
I have these issues and was late diagnosed adhd . Too late at this point . But after several days of vyvanse , only 20mg it makes me tired and sleepy . I almost had to pull over the side of the road to sleep on day 3. Maybe higher dose is needed or more time or I’m Misdiagnosed . But I’m wondering if this whole situation is down to the avoidance , and not adhd.
adhd mixed with asd with ocd tendencies energy for two type a i was able to manage until i had kids, then it got harder in perimenopause now and it got bad enough for me to need adderall, black tea, hormones and change many of my strategies because they stopped working progesterone helps me to sleep better and i wish someone had given me that my whole life insomnia was cruel started at 9 years old i was so busy surviving that i could not be depressed but now it is hitting me double i am so sorry that there are so many of us suffering so much rejection dysphoria sucks we are more likely to have trauma than the neuro typical high fat medium protein low carb helps me a lot added fermented foods easy the digestion i do less and rest more the fear that i will not remember some crucial info and it is nerve racking the silly mistakes are embarrassing people don’t take me seriously i am finally losing weight after a decade gaining thank you for sharing we can learn so much from you i have been so angry at myself but i need to deal with it, i have lots of self hatred and i must forgive myself as i do others, have self compassion at least 50% as i show others ….
I recently discovered the existence of this disorder and I think I have this problem. I thought it was autism or maybe social anxiety because those are the only “disorders” I know of, but I never got that diagnosis, but I knew there was something. I recently discovered that I have Daydreaming, it isn't a disorder. Of course I'm going to seek a medical diagnosis but I feel like I'm slowly understanding more about myself.
I'm in my 40s and never really had a lot of friends. I decided last year that I'm done with people and gave up on trying to make friends. I'm happier being alone now with no friends (not like people are lining up to be my pal).
Find a music club you might enjoy. Jazz or something.
I'm both AvPD & ADHD, with undiagnosed Autism.
I used to think i related more to avpd, but after having some good therapy sessions i think i relate much more to schizoid, especially when you learn more about the disorders and not just surface appearances they present.
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
I kept waiting for something i didnt relate to as a diagnosed autistic woman. Pretty much everything you said resonated, and they are things i brought up in my diagnosic interview. I specifically asked for differential diagnosis against PDs, and was told i didnt have any. You may want to seek out a specialist like i did. Self dx and therpapist dx are a great first step but a neuropsych eval or an autism specialist is really needed imo. Also, the people around you not thinking youre autistic is pretty normal for women, because most people have an incomplete or wrong idea about how it presents in low support needs women. Aka level one, formerly called aspergers.
I’ve definitely considered this a toooon and go back and forth on what I think about it as it pertains to me (but I was diagnosed with ADHD too, after this, and think autism would likely explain the symptoms of both better since my ADHD is largely sensory and executive functioning issues) but I just don’t think an assessment will ever be accessible to me unfortunately. 😕
@@anxious_and_avoidant it can be pretty expensive, yeah. The guy I went to charged $1900 without insurance. He can see ppl virtually in 35 states and has 20 years of specialist experience in the presentation of women and afab ppl. If you, or anyone that sees this wants his info I'll share it.
I’m sorry, I’m just seeing this reply. I would love the information if you’re comfortable sharing. I can’t afford it now but hopefully will be able to eventually. 😅
@anxious_and_avoidant YES! Absolutely. Dr.Benjamin Neely is who I got my dx from. He specializes differential diagnosis of asd and adhd , with focus on women's presentations. He can see people via zoom in 39 states. I paid out of pocket without insurance for $1900 but yours could be less.
@@kr3642 I appreciate you!! 🫶
You are so nice! I am sorry you are strugling with this disorder, hope you find a releaf soon. Wish you the best!
Sorry Maxeen, but I don’t feel that you are struggling with vulnerable narcissism or bpd. We all can exhibit different behaviour and emotions but drivers behind those are completely different. I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist but I do receiving therapy for my mental health issues, and I many times asked my psychologist if am I bpd, but answer is always NO. My first therapist kept praising me, and yes, it’s felt good, but later on I didn’t want to continue with him, as I felt that he wasn’t genuine. I’m not a living saint, I’m a human with good and bad traits. I felt that I wasn’t talking much from our sessions, so I changed the psychologist, who challenges me at times, so I can reflect on my behaviour and taking something from our sessions. But Maxeen, I really don’t feel that you are suffering bpd. Thank you for your videos, I only find your channel today, so thank you.🙏
I had a lot of self hatred accumulated over the years; every small insult or critique I internalised and made it part of myself instead of working on it I guess. Which is what most people expect me to do if they beat me down. I'm not sure why this is like a normal thing but for me it's like the worst that can happen especially in a group setting, talking about humiliation and ridicule. Anyways, getting older, I think breaching 30 for me I challenged myself to find value in myself, after avoiding every friend, family member and person I knew, by just moving away. And oh well I discovered self compassion is a thing and no I'm just picking up the pieces that's left of me and try to make something from it. I feel like the ugliest mf alive, feel like a creep, feel like a nuisance to everyone. Feel like my existence is just not appreciated. Its so so so difficult to find value where no one else does xd I mean I'm not going around asking people what they think of me, obviously having trained my avoidance to perfection. Love your video, I'm picking them up as I go, but so far it's a emotional/struggle match for me.
I'm recently unemployed after working my first job for almost 8years! I worked in IT and was able to avoid people for the most part. I did the call in sick thing way to many times, and eventually ppl started (or maybe I became aware or delusional) to basically locked bully me and call me antisocial for not participating, where I associate that with vile criminal behaviour, I sort of let it wash over me and I payed more attention to these stipulations. To a point where every good interaction became a reason to treat me like shit in the next one. Call me names, insult me and the worst part is normalise it. Now I think they were trying to integrate me into the cool-kids club, but who knows. Ultimately one of the managers lied about something involving me. It wasn't too bad, but I thought she was using me as leverage to make a bigger argument, not sure. I was calling her out and then I got fired for gross misconduct! Yes. I'm glad I don't work with these people, and learning about narcissism and like micro management etc. I think my mind has been on overdrive for most of these years, just to avoid the negativity of people. But ultimately oh well, maybe it's. Urn out or smth. Now I'm unemployed and the only job, which can be any job, is one that I simply do with passion, so there is no wrong or right, no time pressure, no bosses who dont know your field, I think is important for me. To think someone without the knowhow is telling me what to do is triggering me so hard. And it feels like these people are earning more and also basking in your work and sell it as their own to higher ups. Its so painful. Soo I think we could be good bosses in these jobs, where we understand what we do and what we need. But getting into a passion, that can be turned into a job or a business is hard af. Love your vids and honesty, just a raw and nice person. I'm 80% sure I'm in the same ballpark. I started with NPD, going to betterhelp with the idea that I need to be healed from NPD; then autism, adhd, I found infp subreddit which is super positive, got into emotional neglect and now I'm here. So far most accounts if people with avpd resonate a lot with me.
Because of childhood trauma and life constantly throwing shit at me I've developed a personality disorder.
Familiar - the word you were looking for was familiar; or safer. You pretty much said what i thought you would say, I don't have APD, but i have CPTSD with passive aggressive and avoidance tendencies; along with chronic depression and social anxiety. So, i can understand what you're saying even if not to the same extent.
You're so pretty ❤ im glad i found your channel. You're way too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break!
🥹 thank you
Wow, these videos are really helpful in understanding myself and I thank you for making them. I also have only one friend and she is constantly validating but she recently got sick and hasn't been reaching out and I can feel myself doubting that she has ever liked me in the first place. I can feel myself wanting to ghost her but I am trying everything to not. I have left everyone, I tend to leave all friendships. I do have a job but it is where I work with people who have severe mental and developmental disabilities and it is easier because they dissociate and aren't even aware of me most of the time, and that is easier for me somehow. I think that if you could work in a field that does not have to do with interactions with others in a typical way, maybe that would be less painful. I know other people work in IT from home but also understand that just doing the interviewing is hard. The only upside I have is that I am autistic and know how to mask temporarily but one criticism will crush that mask so it's complicated. I also want to say that I totally understand you not working, I totally get it and I have run from the majority of my jobs, like on the job running out crying (and quitting) so it's a mountain of a task, to stay employed. I also want to add, and I am not sure if this is true for others but I have learned to be very validating to others, to be kind, because I crave it so much that I give it out in spades for other people and maybe that is one small silver lining.
hi, i just found your channel today and i just want to say thank you for talking about the struggles of avpd and sharing your own experiences with it, since 2022 ive been pretty sure i have avpd (haven’t been diagnosed yet) and your videos are helping me feel less alone and less ashamed of the way i am :)
This is so validating in so many ways. I have similar experiences and I'm glad to stumble across your video and vulnerability.