Childhood Trauma Healing Mentor, Survivor, Author of Deeply Rooted
I'm so glad you're here. It means that you know there is hope for healing the struggles you've likely been living with for much of your life.
I was there too. The abuse and neglect I experienced made me believe there was something deeply wrong with me. Something so wrong that it caused the abuse and would keep me from being able to live my life differently.
My channel is about gaining a deeper understanding of the wounding and practices to help you create the life you deserve. I share as a trauma therapist for 20+ years (clinical license retired) and about my own experiences of impact and healing.
Healing happens in connection. This is a space to help you know and trust that you are not alone and healing is possible. ❤️
*Important note: the information I share here is for education and support purposes only.
Interested in working with me? courageousjourneys.com/courses
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I've never used KZread live, so I'm partial to zoom, but I'm sure I can work with either.
KZread live would be easier for me. Maybe try both & decide.
Beautiful lady
I have severe TMJ and limited mouth opening and I’m finding dental sedating drugs pre procedure almost impossible to obtain. I had a technically brilliant dentist say she did not agree with drugs for calming my jaw. She offered a third of my necessary dose(as per my old dentist report with multiple specialist results attesting to my issues over 20 years) so she physically prised my jaw open and hurt me. I am so 😮💨 weary. I pay a fortune for a cosmetic dentist that understands better but the other dentist is more competent. I feel I may go and have a chat with her as I never pushed the importance of my needed dose strength of pre op sedation. She kind of made me feel like an addict which I highly resented. Also with severe fibromyalgia pain very much in my neck and shoulder she just did not understand…. I find it VERY difficult to push my case with people also as bad tend to accommodate them over me
Thank you so much! You're beautiful ❤
Thank you so much for this. I can relate to all you said as regards my life. I hope it is not too late for me to heal from the sexual abuse I experienced as a child from the age of 7 to 13 years old in the mid 1970s to about 1980. I am now 57 years old. I have avoided thinking too much or addressing it out of a sense of shame and guilt. But I can now see how it has adversely affected me my whole life and messed up my romantic, sexual and social relationships. I don't want to live like this any more, but to live a fuller life. I have mentioned what happened to me to a few family members but not in detail and I never revealed the full extent of what happened due to fear, guilt, shame and not wanting to cause a family rift. The abuser who was a relative also physically abused another extended family member and I witnessed this myself, but he didn't abuse them sexually as far as I am aware of. The sexual abuse mostly occurred when the abuser babysat me when my parents went out and he babysat until they came home. But he also abused me in front of other family members in the same room when he visited our home or we visited his home. He would sit next to me on the settee in the living room of his or my home with other people present in the room, and then place a thick blanket over his and my lap saying the room was cold. Then he would grasp my wrists very tightly so it hurt underneath the blanket with one of his hands so I couldn't struggle, and using his other hand he would fondle or roughly grasp my private parts under then blanket. I had to just sit there and take it quietly until he finished, and nobody in the room could see or know what was happening. I hated it and knew it was somehow wrong but I had to take it. if I ever said something to him later about it that I didn't want him to do that any more, he would tell me to shut up and that we were only playing and to stop complaining. He would also tickle me all over and say we were just playing, but he would roughly grasp or touch my private parts while he tickled me. If I told him not to do that anymore, he said we were just playing and how could it be bad if tickling made me laugh. He did these things to me over a period of 6 years. He stopped abusing me when I was about 13 years old when I told him I would tell somebody what he was doing to me of he didn't stop doing it. He replied that nobody would believe me and everybody would call me a little liar if I told anyone about it and I would get into serious trouble. I persisted in saying I would tell and he said that i was to blame for what happened between us in any case, that I teased and flirted with him all the time, and not to pretend I didn't know what I was doing, and to stop pretending that I was innocent of anything that had happened between us. However the abuse stopped after that and he also moved away from the area and I didn't see him much of him any more. When I ever saw him again he completely ignored me and never even spoke to me. It was difficult writing this down but I really want to heal from this even after all this time and to lead a fuller life.
I have massively struggled with this for over 45 years.its real depressing ..
My girlfriend was abused by her relative when she was 7. I accidentally watched p*** when I was 8 and was abused by my neighbour.(15 yo boy) till now I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone and I'm 35 now. Every time I see a woman or man approach me I'm anxious of their intention with me and my mind will have sexual thoughts. I believe my girlfriend is having the same too but she's not admitting it. This lead me to suspect her but now I understand why she might do certain things because of what she went through. IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT THIS?
Thank You Peggy For This Wonderful Video as It’s Helpful To Learn More On What To Expect,And If Can Do More Videos🦋🧩❤️
Thank you for being you.
Nice video. I would like to know is it possible to send you message in private ( Email, Whatsapp etc). I would like to share some information. Thnax
I Say your Replies Are Also Helpful 😊
I have no memory but vivid dreams of my Dad and I. He raised me and I never felt like he did anything to me but these dreams are just so real.
Tnkful 4 U
Thank you for your disclosure, and your coverage of every aspect of the healing journey that anyone can come up with. You are so knowledgeable and sincere. No one gets it, and is able to relay that, like you can. You are an inspiration and a significant source of strength and support for so many. Thank you!
As an ex therapist, this topic isn't talked about enough. I believe it's a huge reason why people don't ever really look at and process their childhood trauma due to the pain of the grief that inevitably comes up in time. Thank you for talking about this.
Mu default response is freeze. Meditation for relaxation makes it worse. Meditation is amazing. But while I still work with freeze,i cant do much of it
I could relate to all of what happened from upbringing child to adolescent into adulthood with all i had to endure which left me with humility/ shames,and memories of how embarrassing,hideous/shameful it was at the time especially if people present at the same time when happening with me having to tolerate/endure it all,later leaving me with depression,anxieties,shyness,social anxiety ocd’s,leading into addictive behaviors,addictions,and then leading into needing therapies/treatments because of being hard to being able to talk about it needing professional treatment therapists to initiate all talk therapies,treatments,etc.when ever getting any type of help,and always having the shames within with no escape because it all happened also with all the traumas ptsd’s/cptsd’s 🦋🧩🙏
Great video, thanks for sharing. It really helped. After 2.5 years of therapy in the early to mid 90s, I fell hard for my therapist. She had to know, but it wasn't discussed. I felt I would be released from therapy and I was scared. She was 20 years older and had 2 daughters my age and was 2x divorced. We did discuss that we had an emotional bond. She was like Mother Earth. We became enmeshed over time. When therapy termimnated in 2006, it was AWFUL. I wasn't truthful with her about something and it came up later. She flipped out- yelling at me over the phone. We cared too much for the other and we both knew it. Was I daughter #3? I last talked with her in late 2007. She was 68 and dying. It was as much closure as I was going to have. The conversation was even toned and about what she felt about the dying process, her illness, her feeling of peace and life in general. No anger, nothing about our past. I wished her a peaceful transition and thanked her for her care and support over the years. She died in Aug, 2008. Being romantically attracted to a therapist is ZERO FUN. COMMUNICATE!! Lessons learned. 🥲
Thank you so much xoxo
Remember, you deserve to be seen, heard, and cared for. Every time you speak up, you're honoring all parts of yourself, including those that have been hurt or silenced. It's not easy, but it's a crucial part of your journey. Share your thoughts below. ---------- Helpful Resources courageousjourneys.com/cjlinks
Should I sewage side? So much anxiety all day, I can’t make any new friends, I can’t get a job no matter how hard I try, I sleep or escape all the time. I’m very unhappy
I could relate to all your talking about as much memory of it all comes back frequently which is unavoidable because of the ways it all was handled because what was said treatments needed,and were exposure treatments 🥵 which i say eventually becomes addictive in many ways not knowing what to do about because of anxieties,behaviors,sometimes fears,angry because of want it to be kept secretively but sometimes wanting to escape it all 🦋 but only to realize faced with practice to getting some😮 relief
This applies to me, except is about physical violence. I really didn’t know up till this year that I made myself accountable for the suffering, the rejection I felt from all the violence, poverty and lack of emotional, physical support. Even today I wrote down the reason why anger came for a visit. It is anger at God. I was really, really angry for what happened to me, for not being there, I still have this part of me that feels betrayed by everyone. And there are these beliefs that they run on: I am not good enough/ Nobody loves me/ Nobody wants me/ I’m unworthy. Based on the interactions of me as a child, was “If I was worthy, how could I go through this. I must be unlovable, not enough if so much violence and poverty happened. It must mean I am being punished for not being better.” On top of that, my nervous system was in a constant fight/flight/freeze/ and fawn responses leaving me unable to perform at school, unable to focus, unable to do anything of what I was expected to do. That brought more shaming. “Why can’t you just be more careful? Why can’t you just remember when I ask you something? Can’t you see you will never be anything if you don’t perform in school?” And I ended up really blaming me for being broken. My brain was different. I will never be able to make my mother proud. I gave up. I decided I will never be able. Still struggling with it. So much shame! Including starting this healing journey, was based on “I found a way to fix myself” and literally feeding the belief that I am broken.
Thank you kind one 😊
I did an ayuwhasqua retreat and fast on weekend, kept to simple diet and reduced social media use
I felt the most recent time happen because of phone call should’ve never happened with close acquaintances,only with the girls,women employed there so humility/shames 🥵would have not been as bad 🦋😘sorry I feel more secretive,and private
I don't prioritize my sleep. Ever since I was a little kid, I had an extremely erratic sleep schedule and that causes fatigue in my daily life. It has been so hard to break this habit. I want to start closing my eyes more without any pressure to sleep. Just helping myself out with more moments of rest. Thank you-
I just found you and I love you
Stop victim blaming
I say could never get rid of this shame only get it down to a minimum with therapy and treatments 🥵
Take care ... Enjoy.. be happy & be safe ...
Have a wonderful vacation, Peggy!
Enjoy your vacation away from it all. Enjoy🎉
This was so important for me to see today… I am at that age where uncomfortable medical testing has to be done… I had to prep and have one of those tests done yesterday… I have worked to advocate for myself and bring up being an abuse survivor .. I find it hard that those same body parts that were abused are the ones that can develop cancer and kill me… where I am at in my life now I am not going to let that happen.. i ask for whatever accommodations can be made to make it easier… extra sedation … anesthesia… etc… I matter… you guys matter…
I"m so glad you're honoring yourself in this way. I hope all your tests come back okay. You deserve to be well, medically and emotionally. ❤️ Thank you for sharing.
Watch full version here: kzread.info/dash/bejne/p4yexc6hf7rRY9o.html
Hi Peggy! Is there supposed to be a full video linked in the description? I’d love to be able to listen to the rest of this!
Hi! You can watch the full version here: kzread.info/dash/bejne/p4yexc6hf7rRY9o.html
I appreciate seeing your smiling eyes and rosy cheeks. You are full O' Luv!😊
Oh, thank you! Great to have you here. ❤️
Hi Peggy! This video packs a lot in, thank you! I think I might need to comment separately on different aspect it. I think I’m finding myself stuck on the idea of accepting a feeling without trying to DO something with it. To keep rolling with the birthday example, “my feelings are hurt because they forgot my birthday.” There is something in that statement that intuitively makes sense as to why that is hurtful, right? For example, I wouldn’t feel the need to ask my kid why that makes them sad. However, when you’ve grown up feeling the need to explain why your friends forgetting your birthday is hurtful, the ‘meaning making’ seems to occur as automatically as that intuition might for most. ➡ “My friends forgetting my birthday hurts my feelings BECAUSE it makes me feel like I don’t matter to them.” From there, I’d be inclined to ask myself about the accuracy of that statement- if it’s true that you don’t matter to your friends, the feeling might be judged as “valid” ➡ feeding into a negative core belief. Or a healthier option ➡determining that you need to find some better friends. But if there is evidence to the contrary, you’re intellectualizing and talking yourself out of the feeling, right? ➡ “Of course, I matter, my friends aren’t great with remembering these things” (or whatever the case may be), thereby invalidating the emotional experience. My work might be in that, if the latter is true, and I had acknowledged feeling hurt and spent time feeling sad about it, I know that at least here, there would be judgement about being foolish for not knowing better and “buying into” something that I had no evidence for. But I can circumvent this if I explore the actuality around the situation that led to the feeling, which sure seems like a better option. But also, may just be epic rationalization… Am I missing something in there? Because it feels like I might be… Thank you for your videos, time, and presence. You are so appreciated! ❤
I'm not sure I can answer this well here but, I think part of the struggle might be that , with denial it's not about whether you're correct or what you feel is valid. That can be an important process with overall worthiness and healing. But, with denial vs honoring, it's just about recognizing what you feel (hurt they didn't acknowledge your birthday) and not judging yourself for how you feel. Not telling yourself you shouldn't feel that way because "my y friends aren’t great with remembering these things" or telling yourself you need better friends. It's simply allowing the feeling (or thought) to be there without judgment or talking yourself out of it. Thanks so much for sharing. ❤️
I crave connection and attachment, but I’m deeply fearful of it at the same time. It feels impossible to trust that someone could care about me, especially if they really know me. I don’t feel deserving of anyone’s attention or care. But, I do get attached, very much so, and then I’ll usually do something to ruin it. I wish I could navigate relationships better, especially the therapy relationship. It’s so hard and I feel so afraid.
I'm sorry there is so much internal conflict about what you want and need and the fear surrounding it. I know it is so incredibly difficult to do but, speaking with your therapist about your fears, doubts, and vulnerability can be a really important practice for healing. You deserve to experience deep connection and part of how you allow that to happen is by allowing yourself to be seen. The people who really matter in your life will care about you even more when they get to experience who you really are, the parts you're afraid of them seeing. ❤️ Thank you for watching and sharing.
I never saw myself as all-or-nothing because in most of life, I am not. But with myself, I am. I've always known I had two different sets of standards--one for me and one for the rest of the world, but never recognized it as black-or-white thinking. Thanks for clarifying this and making it easier to work on. I always look forward to your lessons and hopefulness! Thank you!
It's amazing how different we can think about others vs how we think about ourselves. I'm so glad it feels helpful to you and happy to have you as part of the CJ community. ❤️
18:30 what's a VA?
It's a Virtual Assistant
I have been canying around my shame for 43 years. I have tried to push it away or down. My question for you is, how does one have a "normal" sex life with memories or the abuse haunting us?
The short answer is healing the impact overall. A more specific answer (though not easier) is being able to release the shame you carry around the trauma, even shame not connected specifically to the act of abuse. I wish there was a checklist of things I could tell you to do but, it is so multi-layered and is determined by so many things. However, one of the most important things to do to help release shame is a very intentional self-compassion practice. I know it may seem kind of silly but, it truly is such an imperative part of releasing shame. So much so I wrote a workbook for it. 😉 Thanks so much for watching and commenting. ❤️
Thank you!
You're very welcome. ❤️
I also have cPTSD and have really been struggling lately but I'm feeling I'm starting to break through to the other side. I'm also an 'empath' (veterinarian) ( I don't particularly like the word empath), highly sensitive person, score highly for introversion and am an IFNJ to boot. Also parentified child.The points Peggy makes here very much resonate with me. I acknowledge that I have been in denial about the emotional effect my childhood had on me, am learning to go back and feel the feelings that were entirely appropriate for me to have as a child in that prolonged period of psychological abuse and stop gaslighting myself and invalidating my own experience, instead of maintaining the disassociation with keeping busy or numbing out with alcohol. It's time for me to take care of me.
Yes! It is absolutely time to take care of you. ❤️ What you've described is a great example of how denial can show up and the impact it can create. Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm so glad you're experiencing some of what it feels like to reach the other side of healing. Thank you for watching.
Thank you Peggy
You're very welcome. ❤️
NOT true with CPTSD. I have been in therapy , relentlessly for 20 something years. The traumatic brain, sometimes just keeps repeating the same stories WITH OUT any resolution, even if you already reframed them, felt them , analyzed them, etc. You can heal what you don't feel is not applicable for CPTSD. My personal experience. 😢❤ So is not resistance or denial is Just after you have explored everything about the same stories there is an inner knowledge that you are way more than that. You pass to another level of healing.
I'm sorry this has been your experience. ❤️ I'm not sure I completely understand what you're saying is not applicable.? From my perspective, healing really isn't about exploring the same stories and definitely not reframing or analyzing. It's a process of undoing and dismantling so you can connect to your truest self which requires a multitude of practices over time.
I am literally grieving over this and my whole body hurts. My Nervous system is in Freeze from the fact that it recorded this feeling as dangerous in childhood. I had shock/denial/numbness at first. Then, after, I had a lot of anger on God (Universe). Then because I also danced with non duality, the realisation that the universe is me, lead to the ego self to blame that. And now is a lot of sadness for what happened, why it happened, all the pain, the shame, the rejection, the beliefs that stem from all these. This sadness is so powerful, so deep. I suspect sexual abuse in infancy… just 1 year into this and it’s so strong. Profound grief. So deep it scares me sometimes
I'm so sorry you're feeling all of this so profoundly. ❤️ You are not alone. Be gentle with yourself as you continue to navigate through this. I hope you have the support you deserve as you heal. Thank you for watching and commenting.
I am done understanding, reframing, informing and " tooling" about trauma, for me the worst enemy is my own brain that almost wants to annihilate myself. CPTSD. Is insane. And in no shape of form fair. And let me not even start with the pseudo spiritually that said that " ultimately we choose our experiences" including maybe me " choosing such a detrimental brain" experience.
I am in complete agreement about the harm with the idea that we choose our experience. I do hope that you don't completely give up on your healing. I know it can feel incredibly frustrating, disheartening, and even hopeless along this journey. I wish there was a way to bypass the struggle that comes through the journey. While it can feel impossible when these things are present, it's never too late and no one is ever too "damaged". ❤️ Thank you for watching and commenting.