Hello! I really love psychedelics (entheogens really), I'm autistic, I have OSDD-1b, I'm nonbinary, science is fake, time travel is at the tip of my fingers; I'm depressed, anxious, bipolar, and well-dressed. This is a youtube channel to follow the life of my body, understand that as you will. Find god next to soup; find jesus in my hat!
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thank you so much for being so vulnerable like this btw <3
does anyone here experience going non-verbal but not only physically but also like it was briefly mentioned non-mobile..? like not being able to text or write down your thoughts and find words in the first place..? i, myself don't go non-verbal at all but i am most likely on the spectrum but will only get an actual assessment in the next weeks. but i am interested in a person who describes feeling like that and i am trying to understand it more so i don't feel neglected, avoided, ignored or start to think it is something i've done or that my own words don't really matter ...
I wish I found this page earlier. Mushrooms have been a life saver for me. I’ve been microdosing since 2012 (of all SSRI’s 2018). Mushrooms are the quintessential food for human improvement. I was diagnosed autistic at 43 (2021). There are many reasons autistics should use mushrooms- and it’s NOT just about the mental benefits… mushrooms support our immune systems, and boost our microbiome…. Reduce inflammation….all that jazz.
I agree alof with the last one if using system terms to refer to yourself is helpful to you then do it. I don't care
question: how do you tell the difference between autistic masks and OSDD type personalities? ... For myself&, we have come to the conclusion that we are a collection of autistic masks (and the trauma they protect), rather than experiencing a dissociative condition. The way you described your multiplicity resonated a lot with the way I& feel. Though I would describe most of us less as 'moods' than as patters of thought (a big tell, for us, was when we adapted a new mask that was spiritual, but our former main mask, who is staunchly non-spiritual, is still around... So we can go from being a deeply believing spiritual person to being an equally deeply convinced non-spiritual person back and forth in one day, without getting any cognitive dissonance... add to that the fact that both masks present and talk differently, and have different gender identities...) Because we don't experience dissociative amnesia, and our embodying experience is very fluid (a lot of the time we don't notice a change in embodiment unless we stop and think about it), I opted for the term 'aspected singlet' to describe us, rather than trying to claim full multiplicity. Even that small step towards acknowledgement helped a lot, though. We've been actually able to talk to each other recently, and the fact that I can never 'force' a conversation has helped a lot with the imposter-syndrom. ... anyway. I loved this video, and I hope it will give other systems and system-ish people the curage to admit their multiplicity to themselves.
Thank you for your video. Very curious, do you have any memory lapses while these moods take over?
Not often, no. I did however have this revelation a little while ago where I went “oh shit, hold on, if i’m forgetting small things, i wouldn’t remember that I’m forgetting them,” since then I’ve been really skeptical of forgetting small things or losing small amounts of time. I always just figured “no one remembers everything that happened yesterday or everything that happened last week” and that’s true! So it’s honestly hard to say if I have memory lapses or not. But it’s certainly not anything like people who have DID who lose whole days and are more aware that they’re losing time. Hopefully that makes some sense!
@autismondrugs Yes, it does. Thank you!
Ketamine seems to give me real empathy
For me, I go nonverbal or am only able to say a few words when I feel any kind of strong emotion. Like if I see something that just makes me super happy, I make squeaks and other weird noises, or I just point at the thing and say what it is over and over, but I can’t really speak. My brain just decides it’s easier to get my emotions across to others without words so it shuts down my vocals cords lol
nice to meet ya Alex!
back at ya
thanks for sharing
Usually when people say that marijuana is not addictive, they are talking about the fact that you don't get a physical dependence on Marijuana. But addiction to marijuana is a different kind of addiction because it is a Mental dependence. IE: You can't get physically addicted to marijuana, but you can get mentally addicted to it.
I think I would disagree, or at least qualify that some. I think all substances have a physical and a mental aspect and there is certainly a physical manifestation of weed addiction. In the addiction community we tend to refer to it as an allergy, aka when weed addicts consume weed they have an abnormal physical reaction that then jumpstarts a mental obsession. Very similar to alcoholism, the physical mechanisms for addiction aren’t entirely clear (for alcohol they are a bit more clear now, but when AA was first founded there was no physical medical basis for alcoholism)-all of that to very unorganized-ly say that while we might not know the mechanisms for physical addiction I would be very surprised if there wasn’t a physical basis for weed addiction and I think the more people realize that there is a physical aspect, just as there is for alcohol or opiates, the easier it will be for people to understand that they aren’t just ‘weak’ for not being able to control their consumption. I totally get what you’re saying though. Plus, weed is such an impressive psychedelic that there’s also a deep spiritual addiction that can occur. It’s a messy issue for sure and more than anything I think it’s still just…unclear what all the specifics of it are.
@autismondrugs Oh yeah, then again not much research has been done on weed outside of legal states due to the Feds keeping it in Schedule 1. But now with it going down to Schedule 3 hopefully this year, it will encourage more studying to be done on Cannabis and everything that it can do. 👍 I will say though that everyone's body chemistry is different, and everyone reacts differently to different drugs. Like for me, for example, I never got hooked on opiates after taking codeine when I got my wisdom teeth were taken out a few years ago, and the same for ADHD meds. It's hard for me personally to get hooked on most things. I used to vape nicotine back when I was 18 through the age of 19, but I was able to completely stop taking it ironically due to Cannabis. Nowadays if I were to hit a nic vape, it feels exactly like it was when I first vaped. I just never got cravings for it like that personally. Lol
@autismondrugs I do like your vids though because I relate a lot to them. I recently discovered through therapy that I might be Autistic, but my therapist is going to refer me to get the official diagnosis, and I'm pretty stoked about it. 👍 I have ADHD, but for some reason looking back at my life, I always felt like there was something more wrong with me than just ADHD.
That’s super relatable but in the opposite direction for me! I have an ‘official’ autism diagnosis but just recently started being like….oh damn I think I might have ADHD too. I think I did a similar thing I did with autism before I was diagnosed where with both I was just like “haha these are just quirks i have” and then the more I got exposed to different media about autism and now adhd I’m like hold up these are like….qualities of a collective group of people….huh long story short I’m thinking about going in to get assessed for ADHD lol
@autismondrugs Well that's awesome! I hope that your journey of self-discovery will lead you to the truth. I noticed that some of us who are Neurodiverse have some things that are comorbid along with our conditions, one of my comorbidities being Depression along with my ADHD and possible Autism. You and I might be diagnosed with the other parts later on in life, but hey, now we are getting the help that we needed all along. Just remember that no matter what, you are awesome and unique. 😎
Yes. I think I can see the to and fro a little. It's quite swift and subtle, though. Is there any middle ground? Magical middle ground. Is it a very thin ledge? You make sense. You're saying a lot of the things I think - except that you can see me seeing you.... How? Not see. You might have, at most, just had a thought that yours is a particularly nice cup of tea and that might be because I've just been smiling at your video. A little boost. I have often wondered if it's how existence works. When I feel like I can do nothing else - I think that so long as I'm upbeat I can still seed existence with a bit of light. Being a little ray of sunshine isn't a particularly marketable skill, though.
No, it’s not a very markable skill! But I think it’s still one of the most worthwhile skills to have and at risk of sounding too ~hippie~ I think when people continue putting good into the world and doing their best to spread positive things, eventually good things happen. You sound like you think about a lot of the same things I think about all the time; I read a nice thing earlier today about existence being the lived experience of being “not two.” Essentially it was pointing at the idea that we are beings that are hard wired into reconciling opposites-living with the truth of yes and no at the same time, true and false at the same time. It’s a thought that interested me so I thought I’d pass it along! The ‘magical middle ground’…if it’s not a very thing ledge I have no idea what it is! It’s certainly always felt that way to me. And a very thin edge I always either seem to be running away from or falling off, lol
This is excellent. I don't know what DMT is, exactly.. Di methyl triptalene? Is that a potential metabolite? Do you think autistic people turn sunlight into DMT? Would that be a good thing? My days are a really artisanal cocktail of tiny tweaks (otherwise there's trouble) with sleeping being the reset button. I've even tried changing the length of days and the number of days in my week - but, even though it's logical to me, it's so far out of whack with the rest of homo sapiens that the practice was problematic. So, anything interesting (that I can add to my cocktail) I'm keen to find out about. Currently, I think I'm critically low on novelty. Trying to synthesise novelty. And I love the moon, you see, so for multiple reasons (not just my love of the quiet cleanliness of the night) my diurnal and nocturnal cycles have been back to front from the usual. However, I have noticed that a bit of the right kind of sunlight is like having a tailwind.
I lovvvve the moon! And yes, N,N-Dimethyltryptamine. It’s a very potent and specific psychedelic (more specifically an entheogen). I’ve only done it a few times but it’s by far one of my favorite drugs (and certainly the most novel i’ve ever come across). It had a tendency to produce near death experiences (from my personal experiences I would genuinely say I died and came back to life but science would probably disagree with me-but spiritually I certainly died) and a tendency to produce contact with (at least what appear to be) sentient creatures often referred to in the psychedelic community as “machine elves”. It’s truly a wild substance and I have no way to really describe it well… As for it coming from sunlight, it’s possible! I’ve never really thought about where the power for its metabolism comes from, but since it’s production (in rodents at least) is tied to circadian rhythms there’s good reason to at least speculate that sunlight helps at least trigger its production. It’s a cool thought!
I make random noises when I go non verbal
That is so fascinating. I think I love it.
right?? i felt the same way
Dualwielding the tobacco devices We haven't spoken in a while! I don't have instagram anymore so that's probably why, but still think of you every now and then, hope you're well!
FRANK
I also haven’t been on my instagram in years so yeah that’ll do it, plus I took a solid break from life in general while I was getting sober
I miss you!
are you on discord by any chance?
@@autismondrugs You got sober! amazing! I am barely ever on discord or any social media for that matter. Strangely enough, I am easiest to reach via e-mail nowadays. I could give you my e-mail address?
Quite possibly the world's most ambient train.
It would be good if you were to explain whether there is any warning as to the onset. Thanks for the video.
Great point and great video idea! Consider me on it
I despise euphemisms and I'm neuro-typical. Thanks for the video.
Your stimming examples were very enlightening for a neurotypical. Thanks for the video.
Glad it was helpful!
Your channel helped me so so much 🥺🥺🥺
Aw that makes me so happy; I've been taking a break from making videos for awhile now but I can't tell you how much joy it brings that the videos help people!
Thank you so much! I've only gone nonverbal twice that I can remember, and both were fairly recently. They were both on the way back from school, and after i've been asked questions. I am not officially diagnosed with autism, but after self-diagnosis, I think I've unmasked the little things that I was masking(Interestingly, I've never been too much of a person to pretend to be someone else, so probably that's why I've never really masked). To someone else in the car, my verbal shutdown looked like I just decided to ignore a question, and maybe they would have heard me lightly hitting things in my frustration. I was lectured one of these times by someone who didn't understand, and that probably lengthened my shutdown time, as did the fact that a relative called someone else in the car, and the thought of having to open my mouth and say hello was stressful. Do you have any idea why they were both recent and not before?
I have one thought about why they're more recent, but as always, take it with a grain of salt, just my random thoughts on the matter. However, it seems like you may have been delving into autism research/wondering whether you're autistic more recently (I could be wrong, oops)--if this is the case, it's possible your mask is breaking down some/you're becoming more aware of the things that overwhelm you. That's at least what happened to me. It wasn't until I started realizing I was autistic that I started to go non-verbal which really made me feel like I was making it up. In reality, what was really going on was that when I got overwhelmed all the things that my brain used to ignore/unconsciously mask I was wayyyy too aware of. Because I was focusing so much of my energy on researching autism, thinking about traits in myself, it's like the lights suddenly got brighter, noises got more intense, social interactions became more taxing, all because my mask was lessening, basically because I was finally noticing all of the things I had been shoving down for my entire life. Does that make any sense? I feel like it might and maybe it resonates, maybe it doesn't, but I hope it helps some!
@@autismondrugs You are correct. Thank you so much for responding! Yeah, realizing that I'm probably autistic has helped me realize that some of the random stuff I would do(like getting home from school and just sitting in the car for five minutes because I was too tired to get out) was stuff like small shutdowns. Super weird though that the verbal shutdown after realization is a common thing
I go non verbal but not non mobile. Ive been learning sign language with my friends and it is beyond helpful. I highly recommend it for anyone who goes non verbal, or knows someone who does, or really just anyone, it comes in handy
I had a nonverbal episode earlier today when I just got to school. I had a bit of a meltdown and right after I could still speak but stuttered heavily but a minute after that I was pretty much nonverbal. I tried to talk but couldn’t. It was wierd. I slowly gained my speech back luckily it only took half an hour to gain it back.
I went completely nonverbal for the first time in my life today. I’ve been momentarily nonverbal during panic attacks before but i can at least get a few whispers out if I really really really try, today it just hurt so bad. I was clearly expressing with my body language that I wasn’t okay but I couldn’t get any words out to explain to my partner that I just needed to go home. Whenever I tried to speak I would just scream and cry literally like a baby. It was so horrible and I wish nobody ever went through that. I also didn’t know what non-mobile was but I was DEFINITELY feeling that, it was a lot easier to move than to speak but it still took so much effort. I just wanted to crawl into my own body and disappear.
It happens when I get panic and anxiety attack and use asl to talk till I can
This sounds weird but I like the way you speak. I don't know people don't normally talk like I do and it makes me feel incompetent especially when they don't understand what I'm saying. It's nice hearing some else who also speaks like I do
I appreciate it!! It is weird to go around and have people talk…not like you. Totally get it.
I sometimes wanna start to collecting things, but I never so it bcs I don’t like the thought of not owning EVERY single piece of it. It makes me super mad and frustrated so I don’t even start. + most of the times there are too many colors i would have to get an extra room for my collection. And I always wonder isn’t that also autistic in my way? Idk I know not every autistic ppl collects things but all (3) I know do or the ppl on social media. But I have nobody to talk abt this stuff with
Sounds autistic to me! But that’s just my opinion. It sounds like a hyper fixation and a want for things to be *complete*. The color thing d e f i n i t e l y sounds super autistic. Colors are actually the thing that overwhelms me most sensory wise. Definitely get that.
Thank you so much for this! My son is 16 and has been non verbal his whole life, he tries to speak, I can hear it in his humming and the sounds he makes. Oh God I wish I could hear his voice and wish he could express his self to people, I know it has to be so horrible. Please God help to bring comfort to everyone dealing with this!
Our brains are multiple messed up electrical wires in a storm…so relatable
We are wired differently.
dude i wish i had a friend like u
one year later: right here for friendship at anytime
Weed... idk man weed just makes, like, everything feel alright again, like I have no problems, like a kid again... do other autistics feel something liken that?
I agree, I wish I had some weed/green Jane
Been self medicating for a decade, only realized last year I was autistic 😂
So ever since i was a kid a had a weird sensation in my head that at is least intense made me want to touch my head and its most intense made made me want to scratch my head, it got to the point that bit my tung to ignore this weird sensation and i bit it so hard i stared bleeding. Its gotten better over the years by that i mean less frequent and intense i still haven't figured out whats wrong with me but it be like that.
“I still can’t figure out what’s wrong with me but it be like that” most relatable thing I’ve read in a while lmao
I drove 110mph on highway and it felt like 50mph. Just could not get enough of that psycho feeling. I was also arrested during manic episode and police took me to jail instead of the hospital. In jail my angry “manic” out bursts led to having my water shut off. I was forced to drink toilet water for 15hrs and given no food or clothes. I was so crazy angry that I wrote “f*** you” with feces backwards (so they could read from other side) on the large window. The sheriff’s were so appalled and intrigued that they took pictures. I was held for two days until posting $2,000 bail on false charges that were eventually dismissed after 7 court dates (two years). I received no treatment, assistance or simple apology while losing two days of my life and $2,000 for being bipolar. I’m just blessed the police didn’t shoot and kill me during my episode. Mania can be deadly so please take medication or see a psychiatrist. Sorry, just being completely honest and I never knew I was bipolar until last month…God Bless!
Why do you think you don’t have a trip sitter? What can I do if I don’t have a trustworthy trip sitter available?
This is the latest reply in the history of ever BUT I figured I'd throw an answer out anyway. I haven't rewatched this video (because watching them lowkey makes me cringe but what can you do), but I'm assuming the first question is about me perhaps not having a trip sitter for this trip report? The reason I don't have a trip sitter is probably three fold. One, early on in my tripping adventures I didn't realize how important they were and simply ignored it. Two, I'm not the best at practicing my own harm reduction advice. As much as I think it should be followed, I used to thrill seek a lot and kind of wanted to go as far out as possible without anyone around me. Which was a dangerous decision. Three, if you've ever listened to Terence McKenna before, he sometimes promotes the idea of tripping alone to get to the deepest places you can find and I liked the idea. Again, is it smart? No. But I wasn't being smart. And purposefully put my safety second to the exploration of realms usually unreachable to me. Second question. One really cool thing about the movement towards harm reduction in psychedelic spaces these days is if you really want one, you can hire one online that is super highly trained. Depending on where you live, they'll even come to you. I actually think this is a much better strategy sometimes than using a friend or someone you're close to because it's not only these peoples' jobs to help but they are also incredibly well experienced. A second thought is that you don't need a trip sitter. Do I recommend it? Yes. More than anything though, kind of like going on a blind date or a date from tinder, just letting one of your friends/someone you're close enough to to ask that you're going to be tripping and just to check up on you every few hours or so can do the trick. It at least means that if things go really sideways someone will know what you're up to and know to get ahold of you. Hope that helps a little, at least!! If, that is, these questions even still matter to you.
Newly diagnosed. I’ve always used alcohol as my crutch. Recently quit and traded for the plant love love love this plant so much.
I’m borderline autistic/ adhd I was tested for autism 5 times before I came as positive for autism and weed with me is weird when I smoke the first 3 months it helps me greatly after that it goes from helping me to making me act more autistic in some ways while still helping me in other ways causing me to have to do the one thing I dislike taking a break after which it once again helps me. I’m curious if anyone else has that problem?
Fantastic
There's autistic stoner siblings of all genders, yo. <3 <3 <3 Much love.
Your content is helping me process my experiences.
I really appreciate that! Doing it helps me process my experiences-it’s always nice to know other people experience similar things, so I truly appreciate the comment.
I’m a female autistic, and I’ve recently been using weed for weeks now because I’m experimenting with it to find a cure for my chronic pain that my feet, ankles, and legs have to deal with, which makes it difficult for me to move around and function properly, so I take a crap ton of Ibuprofen at work) about 4 200 milligram over the counter tablets, and I also take a prescription 800 milligram pill before I go to work) to get me through the day. I work at a Tom Thumb store.
I just got diagnosed and I’m 30. I really believe being a pothead is what saved me over the years. I never knew why but it makes me feel normal. Now I get it.
Every single time I dropped some, and people asked me how I felt. I used to tell them that I feel pretty much the same. I was diagnosed very late in my life at 31.
When you're talking about the money issues it reminds me of my problems with impulsivity. Unfortunately that is an ADHD quark, and is part of the spectrum.. the only thing that's helped me with impulsivity have been Ritalin and those types of medicines. They're also addictive, BUT legitimately life-changing for the impulsivity and the racing mind... When you're on that it's like your brain is on vacation because it's not racing. It's beautiful
Weed helps autism, so how is that an issue? If you're using more it's called tolerance. Indica definitely become a habit, and a method of procrastination. I have ASD and keep thinking marijuana maybe is a problem.. smoking it may be bad for the lungs. But if you treat it like medicine like edibles on some sort of regular interval with a control dose it's no longer I have it or advice, it's medicine and it's helpful. I've been where you're at. I really get it. If you change the way you see things you change the way you perceive things.
weed can cause psychosis Look into studies that don't contribute to your confirmation biases- although it can be helpful for some people, it can be terribly dangerous for others.
Magic mushrooms definitely help high functioning asd... I have high functioning autism and the whole suite of issues that come with it, anxiety, depression, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, to name a few things... Taking 200mg omagic mushrooms, EVERY 12 hours every day has been life-changing... I don't understand why most people who microdose do it every 2 or 3 days. Once a day is not helpful, every couple days is very not helpful. Twice a day seems to be the only thing that gives me incredible benefits. I can't find anything negative to report from this... Glad to live in Colorado where it's not a crime to grow and use mushrooms... ANYONE ELSE USING DAILY?
I'm a 23 yo with what was diagnosed as aspergers in the early 2000s. My doctors didn't know how I would develop also due to me surviving major brain damage from meningitis as a toddler. I smoke weed but I wasn't even sure how weed would affect me. I have a deep fear that with my brain if I tried any other psychedelics it would kill me. When I smoke weed in high doses (like dabs or multiple bowls from a bong) I start seeing and hearing things like music or voices or seeing people around me that aren't there. My stoner friends tell me it's not normal and that what I experience at that level never happens to them. They just say they feel really calm smoking weed. If I smoke the right amount of weed though, it shuts up the overthinking that happens in public so I can actually talk to people. When sober, I want to talk to people and have what I want to say but my mouth just won't say the damn words. My brain is also always hyperanalyzing everything in my surroundings and when it all funnels into my super hearing my brain shuts down because it can't toggle between things to focus on. When I'm a little stoned I'm able to ignore all external stimulus and focus on my task.
this is exactly how it feels like for me too. it’s the worst feeling ever :( but thank you for sharing, i feel seen and so much less alone. sending love and hope you’re doing okay ❤️