So so much trauma in my family.. My mother had no attachment to us and we became estranged since I was a young child.. Now as a mother my self I'm estranged from my children.. Your right.. But I do t know how to help.. It's been sooo long..
@robynhope21911 күн бұрын
@@colleenmitchell5208 my BIGGEST regret is having two now disinherited sons. The pain and anger in my heart will never go away.😢
@julieroberts164714 күн бұрын
Can anyone tell me if this is also on a podcast?
@Allisteraigi15 күн бұрын
Your recent videos are good. With some strategic editing. They have the potential to attract wider audience and generate more engagement
@Aquarian_Heart18 күн бұрын
"...as you put yourself into a more important position within your own life.. you do start to choose differently"
@Awatea-Jane29 күн бұрын
This brought up so much for me as a mama wanting that deep connection but still struggling to embody it. Thank you so much.
@Nyumc99Ай бұрын
This girl gets it. She advocates taking accountability. Whilst we don’t know if this is anything other than a clickbait automated channel, I would say the message being sent is very much needed in this current world. So well done guys. ! 👌
@Mike-nf1ppАй бұрын
When women can take some accountability things will Improve they just won't accept responsibility for anything but love to blame allot
@markri8507Ай бұрын
thank you so deeply for your open broken heart 💔 thank you for speaking my language for the work you do and for finding me in you In this one uuniversal heart I m bruised in humility day in day out How deeply can we dare to become undone Fully Unapologetically Fiercely Steep in this love For them and generations after them! Thank you both ❤
@RoxyosoriorАй бұрын
Beautiful! Thank you for all this love ❤ my son is 17 and this year has been so hard and overwhelmed. I’m from Colombia and I’m so thankful for listening.
@margebuijsАй бұрын
There is so much that I want to say about this conversation, but I will try to keep it as short as possible. I have been a single mom for almost 15 years, since my daughter was 9 months old. I have always done things different, but have never had any support for this. I wish I had someone around with whom I could have a conversation like this. Everything that Rachelle says.. it could be me. I cried several times and I'm not an emotional person. But I'm happy that I'm not the only one with these experiences. The process of letting go is so hard on me.
@denasedaghat1122Ай бұрын
Girl you are a true bliss to humanity
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
Such an important interview highligting important points and ideas and revealing some of the things yet to be addressee. Thank you for your courage and sharing what you both have learned and experienced in your life...on your path to being YOU, more fully, and staying connected to family We need both . ❤️ 💙
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
This story of the mom coming with complaints of her father..triangle, as it is framed . Speaks to her mom living in patriarchy and the lack of understanding of the deep programming AND the well documented fear of being beaten, raped and killed for womyn speaking up to their husbands Leaving HER once again to be blamed for reaching to alleviate oppression and the need for support, from someone she can trust. Expecting HER to go to someone else who may NOT have power or skill for help Outside family Slaves had each other to share their oppression with and get support My goodness... The abanondment and expectations put on this mother are punshing to hear. These filters and frames miss the mark for HER and humanity, but of course We are marinated in patriarchy . And Some points were jewels That is how we shift out One piece of the puzzle Added to another , by another , who has revealed that other part And always, on the backs of womyn..ugh SHE pays the price for reaching for equality Of course, the daughter COULD HAVE chosen the path of Standing with her mom... and bringing in education around patriarchy and misigyny to the dad...a united front...to help the FAMILY shift We get sick in family We heal in family Of course Never is the dad /man expected to be addressed together or go to counseling Yet, as Dr Jackson Katz lays out, it is the MEN that is needed to step up to make this shift out of patriarchy They have the POWER and privilege and NOT expected to do the work or take accountability for the oppression they weild. Yet, we hammer HER at every stage Expect HER to keep doing the heavy lifting in a world not built for HER Dr Valerie Rein.. Patriarchy Stress Disorder... revealed in her studies: It is not HER!!!!!! It is the system. But we keep on SCAPEGOATING HER. PATRIARCHY requires it It is the only safe path for us, to: blame HER Frame HER Filter HER through that old lens that has her do the work Pay the price Or else Break from her Which IS abanonment Rejection Blackmail We just say it in a way that gaslights this choice So we feel "better" At her expense She can't jump out of programming easily, especially in her elder years She can take steps...when supported.
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
I just listened to the example of the lesbian talking to mom...and saying "i understand if you think my being a lesbian is a problem " Right? That she is FLAWED- IS THE ASSUMPTION and it is NOT-she goes on to say. Of course it is NOT. She loves a womyn, even in HARD times and WILL work through ALL the mess, as it comes up from OLD PATRIARCHAL thinking!!! Why? LOVE CONNECTION FAMILY But mothers are FLAWED and need fixing????? As is the wording in this interview, all along and has been used for generations when talking about mothers, womyn, girls. Womyn raised and programmed AND MEETING OPPRESSION at EVERY STAGE, has had its effect EVERY DAY And no proper CARE to help heal injuries, they are only NOW comimg out and hard to find still And add her ability to create secure income that was challenged and unequal Layer and layer's And add that we add She needs to be FIXED. Mom needs to be fixed. We come into conversation with THAT FILTER/FRAMING As the mother and probably FATHER...around the public shaming around gay relationships Can we say Cognitive dissonance for the MOM here Too Interesting we give grace to the daughter HERE Not seeing HER needing to be fixed, standing up against such filters and framings, for the adult DAUGHTER. Humanity! As she GREW up as lesbian And mom as surviving oppression And femicide...and object. Right? But i must be exaggerating Biased My 35 years studying this can't matter, or bring in areas missed in this society...in the field of psychology, as i am told by many and supported by some ❤️ certainly not my children but those also studying this..looking for what the heck has been going on for womyn...that most are on nerve pills, have eating disorders, reach for botox and plastic surgery, and and and. We are missing the MARK It is NOT HER It is the system. When we talk about the system, it offers a PATH and a BRIDGE of truth And humanity.
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
I have also noticed that most , if not all examples,, are about the adult daughter not getting the proper response and treated "badly" here. Do you see the one sidedness of this? Do you notice that we leave out what the Mother examples of going to adult children and being met with insensitivity, demands, attacks etc ? How do womyn have ANY chance in this system to be seen as humans and met with humanity ?
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
Once again this space shows up with many patriarchal filters To fix HER/MOM Not SEEING her as a wonderful human being. Ugh Tossing her out of the family Because she is "flawed" No longer of service ugh I see now why womyn are opting not to have children...family has eroded 8n this capitalistic parriarchy Of course, there is room to FIND a way to take her in, as family. There is a video following of a MAN, Son, who has taken in his FATHER who has altzhimers. Yup it is frustrating and work Some days better than others And It is a blessing Of course it is But then this is a MAN A FATHER A PATRIARCH Who made LOTS of MONEY What is this? Humanity is lost Love..real love...is lost Making elder womyn into BURDENS in these framings and filters and lack of reaching. My mother in law WORRIED about being a burden. I did not understand then. I felt bad for her , that she felt that I see now why. Horses dont throw out their elders, at the horse farm I went to. They actually band around and help and protect them, even the mares. Something is being misser, here We cant have all the pieces You brought some of the pieces ❤️ Thank you ❤️
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
The mother also needs to be able to say what she can and cannot DO. Many , if not all the womyn in my generation group DON'T And are deeply programmed to NOT At her expense. Yet, instead of reaching for understanding and a win-win We frame it " mom, it wont work for me for you to come live with me" In a system that TOOK away HER right to create wealth and security Put HER in a home..not with family...because it is "hard" This is all messed up. My goodness, the layers of oppression just keep on punching down on HER. LOVE reaches LOVE includes LOVE works things out Even in nature you see gaggles, and heards Horses support each other A tribe in South Africa...of womyn..set up their own village to support only womyn. They understood patriarchy, misogyny, oppression. They understood SHE had suffered ENOUGH and needed a tribe, security, safety, support, food etc. They were of all ages and stages They reached to support each other Not be another person to abandon her and refect unworth. Yup, it is a challenge for them Of course Just as it was a huge challenge for mom to raise children in patriarchy Many rose to the occasion Oppression is damaging Life threatening Our nature needs to reflect worth, to matter , to thrive. Fail- to -thrive babies, show us this The parent is emotional gone, and can't refect worth to the baby It dies slowly from not mattering Stops eating Patriarchy has reflected this brushing womyn aside - not being of value. Not mattering. Only using them when they can give something like sex or service Compromising her security ugh Oh, the layers of patriarchy that keep hammering HER And when HER body is now shutting down from age Wild!!! Sad
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
It is important that adult children speak their truths...and say what they think and feel, and see things differently And It is equally important mothers DO THE SAME and are allowed, supported, and not attacked Again, SHE is left out Girls lose their authentic voice by 11 because of-The SYSTEM of patriarchy!!!! Mom lost her authentic voice also at 11 Right!! The layers of patriarchy run deep. BOTH, ALL sides need to be ALLOWED. She, mom, has NOT been allowed for decades and generation's She WILL NEED to actually use texting and voice message to do it-Because of the many traumas she has endured in her life when she tried. Face to face is too much. Baby steps are needed. The body language and safety issues are some of the reasons, And That she would struggle deeply to say it to her beloved children It would be too triggering Plus, she would need practice. She won't get it right/perfect Because of these layers And no path As we see here, too We are ALL just learning to break this oppressive programming in our system of thousands of years
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
I find the phrasing "we can't change our mothers" to be rooted in the patriarchy FILTER that says -there IS something "wrong" with her. Ugh. Of course she can't be OK the way she is!!! Ugh. EVERYONE has positives and negatives, strengths and weaknesses., and yet, we focus on mothers negatives-she must be changed, fixed-signaling she is FLAWED only. Ugh Sad.. the layers of patriarchy and misogyny run deep. We struggle to find a path OUT and struggle in words, too. Sad The layers of oppression that womyn and mothers endured, it needs to be highlighted that it is a testiment to HER that SHE MANAGED TO LIVE. These are deeply painful things that go into one's heart and her identity, by nature and what is forced on her , programmed in her psychy And it IS our nature, as communal creatures to stay in tribes. Yet, not HER, she is too much and not enough #DownWithPatriarchy #downwithmisogyny #downwithoppression #upwithincludingHER, too
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
After looking at this list MORE, it shows the misogyny we have lived in and how it is damaging humans and relationships; important relationships. This list was done by a professional in the psychology field, that had been in the field for a LONG TIME. When one looks at this LIST, that is filled out to help understand the challenges the Therapist faces when a Mother and her Adult Daughter comes in for help, this list shows something I deeply doubt is "explained" to help BOTH understand part of the ROOT of the disconnection they are feeling and struggling with. Nature vs Nurture OR Nature AND Nurture, would be more accurate. A lion/lioness learns to BE a lion /lioness by BEING with and LIVING with their "parents" or "parent". EACH generation of lion/lioness's learn to BE who they are from the generation before them, in MANY DEEP ways. The MOST "learning", humans have is in the first 3 years of life. IF we know this, as professionals in the field, or even human beings knowing this, we can look at this list below and SEE that OF COURSE a child WILL be 'deeply' influenced by their parent (in this case the MOTHER IS TARGETED and "blamed"...filter of 'blame'...focus on what is 'wrong") Thus, knowing we ALL learn, like any animal, in any family, from the parent/parents, then OF course we are DEEPLY influenced by our parent/parents. The NEXT 'logical" step to take in understanding why Adult Daughters ( or son's) struggle with things on THIS list, that are deemed important to question....and if scores are not IDEAL...for that Adult Child and how they "want to be" as a grown person, or the quality of the relationship between parent ( in this case the TARGETED MOTHER) and adult children is to look at the SYSTEM we LIVE in that has done these things to WOMYN. NOT looking at the "product" of the system for "blame" or even answers that will have IMPACT or the really important connector which is" understanding". That this IS NOT FRONT and CENTER in this....does a HUGE disservice to MOTHERs....WOMYN...and Adult Children and their deeply important relationship with parent/parents....and finding ANY PATH to connection, health or healing. And this is from a LEADER in the field of Psychology , a field that was born in this SAME SYSTEM. It is the SYSTEM that is causing these damages...and yet, when patriarchy/misogyny/oppression is brought up...PEOPLE RISE UP in ANGER and OUTRAGE to shut this discussion DOWN. People RAISED and PROGRAMMED in this system of patriarchy are the ones that rise up to defend it, making shifting out of the actual "problem" mired in muck. This is cult behaviour. So damaging to humans and relationships. KNOWING is the FIRST STEP OUT. Love & Light & Reaching to shift out of this old system.
@laurettaleone6482Ай бұрын
Here is the Development and Evaluation of the Adult Daughter-Mother Relationship Questionnaire (ADMRQ) NOTICE how one sided this is! And it is focused on the MOTHER...father get's a PASS, once again. ugh. NOTICE how the adult children get a pass. NOTICE how patriarchy/misogyny/oppression once again shows up , even in psychology, even in the leaders in the field that we go to for understanding and help. NOTICE how deep this goes, and how hopeless it can feel in something as IMPORTANT as a healthy mother and adult children relationship. NOTICE that this IS what is causing this disconnection and discourse. The FILTER is warped. M is for MOTHER See the MOTHER is being evaluated. Why? She must be the ONLY PROBLEM, right? NO Change D for Daughter or S for Son Because Mother's also struggle deeply in these relationships. Of course they do. They are just supposed to put up and shut up. Be caregivers, not care receivers. Mothers/womyn are to be self sacrificing and self-less. Put others first. Don't make others uncomfortable by bringing up HER needs, wants, hurts, anger, frustration, dreams. And isn't it INTERESTING that these VERY same things Adult children are complaining about in HER are what was IMPOSED, PROGRAMMED, DEMANDED ,THREATENED in HER to DO !!!! Can we say "scapegoat" ? Yes, we can. Because womyn are the scapegoats in patriarchy for MEN to MATTER. SHOCKING!!!! But I have studied this long enough to understand it. It is SAD...deeply sad, because it is damaging deeply important relationships.
@vidasagrada72 ай бұрын
This tools are great, I am so thankful Jesus is with me, so its not all up to me, The love of God heals and he never abandon us.
@vidasagrada72 ай бұрын
I just bought the book. Thank you
@Nyumc992 ай бұрын
A person not nurtured correctly as a baby , telling young mums how to do it ! Err. ! She has a better memory of her baby self than most ! No scientific studies cited. Even though both are , “knowledgeable” and “ life experienced “. ! 😂 don’t give up the day job ladies !
@Nyumc992 ай бұрын
Preventative medicine. ! Lmao. Love the rollo. 😂👌
@joanlally97572 ай бұрын
this man is talking about trauma and he has no concern with animal testing...how shutdown is that!!!. TOTAL CRUELTY that he cannot even feel towards other sentinent beings...I'm so upset by this..the poor animals being subjected to cruelty..
@momu19712 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this conversation. I am struggling to overcome sudden abandonment and divorce after 26 years of marriage. Coping is becoming harder as time progresses. I am realizing that I must address it now.
@birdienumnums12 ай бұрын
OMG so sorry just did a search and dear LUCIA passed away in 2022 ironically she had a period of mental health issues? perhaps she had a physical illness too?
@birdienumnums12 ай бұрын
so glad I found this video
@birdienumnums12 ай бұрын
can this help with losing a parent when you are an adult?
@theredqueen69112 ай бұрын
It’s been 3 months. I still think I’m going crazy and can’t do this. How long do I have to do this?!
@leroygreen18772 ай бұрын
Im screwed my family tree on both sides has nothing but truamas. Explain why my cptsd is so bad.....sigh
@ParisTNT2 ай бұрын
Wonderful interview🥰 thank you for sharing!
@youareright85363 ай бұрын
My mother is not a narcissist, in fact, she suffers from low self-esteem to this day at the age of 78 (I am 44). My mother hit me twice in my life, once when I was 5 years old and I cut myself with my father's razor and another time when I smoked marijuana at 14 years old and she beat me with a belt until I drew blood. of my thighs, I was covered in bruises and very traumatized, as it was not customary to be violent even with me and my brothers (me being the middle child) while screaming madly that I was going to be admitted to a rehabilitation clinic for drug addicts and calling me a prostitute, said I was going to start prostituting myself to get drugs (I swear I just used sex, but she was terrified of the possibility of me becoming a drug addict and nowadays I understand her fear, but I can't forgive her violent reaction and words) offended me with the dirtiest names imaginable and I spent a year without receiving money from my parents for anything, as I never bought drugs in my life, I just smoked marijuana with friends at school, they took it, not me. Other times as a child, she screamed that she hated me, while arguing with my drunken father (deep down with hatred for her own choice of husband) and when I was 21 years old, she threw me out of the house because I complained that She dirty the kitchen floor that I had cleaned, like I used to do every day to clean up my father's mess. My father: lawyer, blind, alcoholic, cheated on my mother even though he was blind (a very handsome and inteligent man who became completely blind due to a surgical error) with many women. My mother: bitter, smoker, civil servant in a school office, worked 8 hours a day; We had a comfortable material life and my mother was not physically affectionate, we only touched each other on Mother's Day, mine and her birthday and Christmas and New Year. I'm talking about actually touching it, with your hands. She doesn't touch any of her children!!!!! She's cold, but she's generally kind to everyone, the strangest person I know. I think she was beaten a lot in her childhood... so I try to understand and forgive her. I am from Brazil... Thank you for this video e for whomever read my comment until here! I hope you (we) all heal from our traumas! 💖
@briannejohnson90263 ай бұрын
You sparked a deep and serious life change and direction in my life. Thank you.❤
@Antoniathinks3 ай бұрын
Harriet, thank you for the respectful framework, the support for each daughter's right to her limits and her own position, and the perspective of asking questions to find honest ways to uncover information. This seems to afford both people choices. THAT seems really productive ground.
@Kelly-sl6vz3 ай бұрын
This was an absolutely eye-opening interview and I am so very grateful to you ladies!! Thank you so much!!
@gessrinky91293 ай бұрын
My teen hates me. It’s awful.
@EveBriere-zb8bz3 ай бұрын
Thanks for this video! When is the new book coming out ??
@tarkov6664 ай бұрын
Problem with putting yourself first all the time is there is no room for anyone else to be around...
@tankthearc987517 күн бұрын
its very selfish imo
@gertwolters34334 ай бұрын
Very good interview ❤
@christinamorales68874 ай бұрын
When I was in the death phase (underworld) in the dark Goddess journey I saw in a shamanic journey was grandmother of the wolf clan and she is with me. She came when my son died.
@christinamorales68874 ай бұрын
It sounds like the underworld with Inanna. The wild phoenix risen from the ashes.
@AndreaBuck214 ай бұрын
Great interview, thank you 🩵
@user-yz9vz1go1z4 ай бұрын
It is not hard to be a mother, it's not hard to love your daughter. This video gives bad people excuses. to act badly.
@santisanti83865 ай бұрын
Was there a chance that your little friend was in shock as well?
@2atalkandpolitics4225 ай бұрын
My dad is retired United States, Navy submarine force 20 years I was adopted at eight days old from a 13-year-old mom. My dad was gone for the first six years of my life which are the most critical bonding time in a person lives with the parent last year he was in the Navy, who was gone over 300 days this day. I still have an estranged relationship with him its cost me multiple relationships and I am now in counseling for this
@tashamariezdenek5 ай бұрын
I'm the mother in my situation. And if you asked my daughter I've been a terrible mean and vindictive mother. But that was never my intention and I feel so lost as to where to go from here. My daughter views me in an absolutely terrible light. Says I want to be her friend and not her mother and that we don't even have a mother daughter type of relationship because I want to be her friend.. and while I'd agree I that we are friendly. So are my mother and I and we have always leaned on each other. Something my daughter quite clearly rejects. I wish I could say I'm going to send this to her and try to work on things, but I think she will just reject me. It feels like she wants to reject me no matter what. I do get angry and I do slam things down and slam doors and maybe even accidentally break things but those moments are usually in very heated situations and I think I do those things to assert myself and maybe even try to display some sort of dominance. It's not something that is thought out or intentional. I've just been thinking about all the whys lately. And she's a mom now too and she counts on me for far more than I think she should. I'm going through a lot emotionally myself as I walk my own journey. And the pressure of being as involved daily is a lot. And I find myself crying myself to sleep most nights. I've been a single mother most of my children's lives and we did leave a very toxic and hostile if not violent relationship with her father. And I feel like she blames me a lot for that.. I'm just struggling to be a person in the world, and have any shred of confidence and her total disapproval of anything I say or do feels very much like a shunning from the only family I really have. And I feel very hurt and isolated. I don't really want to lose my daughter before I die.. and I don't want to lose contact with her boys who I babysit to some degree if not all day every day just because she's so mad at me. I wish I knew what a normal mother daughter relationship looked like so I could give it to her.. but I'm just me, that's all I can offer anyone.. but I'll love her until I die.. 💔
@SC-li6pf5 ай бұрын
OMG 😱 finally !!!!!! I realize what’s wrong with me and why I get anxiety and panic attacks 😢thank you 🙏🏼
Пікірлер
❤
So so much trauma in my family.. My mother had no attachment to us and we became estranged since I was a young child.. Now as a mother my self I'm estranged from my children.. Your right.. But I do t know how to help.. It's been sooo long..
@@colleenmitchell5208 my BIGGEST regret is having two now disinherited sons. The pain and anger in my heart will never go away.😢
Can anyone tell me if this is also on a podcast?
Your recent videos are good. With some strategic editing. They have the potential to attract wider audience and generate more engagement
"...as you put yourself into a more important position within your own life.. you do start to choose differently"
This brought up so much for me as a mama wanting that deep connection but still struggling to embody it. Thank you so much.
This girl gets it. She advocates taking accountability. Whilst we don’t know if this is anything other than a clickbait automated channel, I would say the message being sent is very much needed in this current world. So well done guys. ! 👌
When women can take some accountability things will Improve they just won't accept responsibility for anything but love to blame allot
thank you so deeply for your open broken heart 💔 thank you for speaking my language for the work you do and for finding me in you In this one uuniversal heart I m bruised in humility day in day out How deeply can we dare to become undone Fully Unapologetically Fiercely Steep in this love For them and generations after them! Thank you both ❤
Beautiful! Thank you for all this love ❤ my son is 17 and this year has been so hard and overwhelmed. I’m from Colombia and I’m so thankful for listening.
There is so much that I want to say about this conversation, but I will try to keep it as short as possible. I have been a single mom for almost 15 years, since my daughter was 9 months old. I have always done things different, but have never had any support for this. I wish I had someone around with whom I could have a conversation like this. Everything that Rachelle says.. it could be me. I cried several times and I'm not an emotional person. But I'm happy that I'm not the only one with these experiences. The process of letting go is so hard on me.
Girl you are a true bliss to humanity
Such an important interview highligting important points and ideas and revealing some of the things yet to be addressee. Thank you for your courage and sharing what you both have learned and experienced in your life...on your path to being YOU, more fully, and staying connected to family We need both . ❤️ 💙
This story of the mom coming with complaints of her father..triangle, as it is framed . Speaks to her mom living in patriarchy and the lack of understanding of the deep programming AND the well documented fear of being beaten, raped and killed for womyn speaking up to their husbands Leaving HER once again to be blamed for reaching to alleviate oppression and the need for support, from someone she can trust. Expecting HER to go to someone else who may NOT have power or skill for help Outside family Slaves had each other to share their oppression with and get support My goodness... The abanondment and expectations put on this mother are punshing to hear. These filters and frames miss the mark for HER and humanity, but of course We are marinated in patriarchy . And Some points were jewels That is how we shift out One piece of the puzzle Added to another , by another , who has revealed that other part And always, on the backs of womyn..ugh SHE pays the price for reaching for equality Of course, the daughter COULD HAVE chosen the path of Standing with her mom... and bringing in education around patriarchy and misigyny to the dad...a united front...to help the FAMILY shift We get sick in family We heal in family Of course Never is the dad /man expected to be addressed together or go to counseling Yet, as Dr Jackson Katz lays out, it is the MEN that is needed to step up to make this shift out of patriarchy They have the POWER and privilege and NOT expected to do the work or take accountability for the oppression they weild. Yet, we hammer HER at every stage Expect HER to keep doing the heavy lifting in a world not built for HER Dr Valerie Rein.. Patriarchy Stress Disorder... revealed in her studies: It is not HER!!!!!! It is the system. But we keep on SCAPEGOATING HER. PATRIARCHY requires it It is the only safe path for us, to: blame HER Frame HER Filter HER through that old lens that has her do the work Pay the price Or else Break from her Which IS abanonment Rejection Blackmail We just say it in a way that gaslights this choice So we feel "better" At her expense She can't jump out of programming easily, especially in her elder years She can take steps...when supported.
I just listened to the example of the lesbian talking to mom...and saying "i understand if you think my being a lesbian is a problem " Right? That she is FLAWED- IS THE ASSUMPTION and it is NOT-she goes on to say. Of course it is NOT. She loves a womyn, even in HARD times and WILL work through ALL the mess, as it comes up from OLD PATRIARCHAL thinking!!! Why? LOVE CONNECTION FAMILY But mothers are FLAWED and need fixing????? As is the wording in this interview, all along and has been used for generations when talking about mothers, womyn, girls. Womyn raised and programmed AND MEETING OPPRESSION at EVERY STAGE, has had its effect EVERY DAY And no proper CARE to help heal injuries, they are only NOW comimg out and hard to find still And add her ability to create secure income that was challenged and unequal Layer and layer's And add that we add She needs to be FIXED. Mom needs to be fixed. We come into conversation with THAT FILTER/FRAMING As the mother and probably FATHER...around the public shaming around gay relationships Can we say Cognitive dissonance for the MOM here Too Interesting we give grace to the daughter HERE Not seeing HER needing to be fixed, standing up against such filters and framings, for the adult DAUGHTER. Humanity! As she GREW up as lesbian And mom as surviving oppression And femicide...and object. Right? But i must be exaggerating Biased My 35 years studying this can't matter, or bring in areas missed in this society...in the field of psychology, as i am told by many and supported by some ❤️ certainly not my children but those also studying this..looking for what the heck has been going on for womyn...that most are on nerve pills, have eating disorders, reach for botox and plastic surgery, and and and. We are missing the MARK It is NOT HER It is the system. When we talk about the system, it offers a PATH and a BRIDGE of truth And humanity.
I have also noticed that most , if not all examples,, are about the adult daughter not getting the proper response and treated "badly" here. Do you see the one sidedness of this? Do you notice that we leave out what the Mother examples of going to adult children and being met with insensitivity, demands, attacks etc ? How do womyn have ANY chance in this system to be seen as humans and met with humanity ?
Once again this space shows up with many patriarchal filters To fix HER/MOM Not SEEING her as a wonderful human being. Ugh Tossing her out of the family Because she is "flawed" No longer of service ugh I see now why womyn are opting not to have children...family has eroded 8n this capitalistic parriarchy Of course, there is room to FIND a way to take her in, as family. There is a video following of a MAN, Son, who has taken in his FATHER who has altzhimers. Yup it is frustrating and work Some days better than others And It is a blessing Of course it is But then this is a MAN A FATHER A PATRIARCH Who made LOTS of MONEY What is this? Humanity is lost Love..real love...is lost Making elder womyn into BURDENS in these framings and filters and lack of reaching. My mother in law WORRIED about being a burden. I did not understand then. I felt bad for her , that she felt that I see now why. Horses dont throw out their elders, at the horse farm I went to. They actually band around and help and protect them, even the mares. Something is being misser, here We cant have all the pieces You brought some of the pieces ❤️ Thank you ❤️
The mother also needs to be able to say what she can and cannot DO. Many , if not all the womyn in my generation group DON'T And are deeply programmed to NOT At her expense. Yet, instead of reaching for understanding and a win-win We frame it " mom, it wont work for me for you to come live with me" In a system that TOOK away HER right to create wealth and security Put HER in a home..not with family...because it is "hard" This is all messed up. My goodness, the layers of oppression just keep on punching down on HER. LOVE reaches LOVE includes LOVE works things out Even in nature you see gaggles, and heards Horses support each other A tribe in South Africa...of womyn..set up their own village to support only womyn. They understood patriarchy, misogyny, oppression. They understood SHE had suffered ENOUGH and needed a tribe, security, safety, support, food etc. They were of all ages and stages They reached to support each other Not be another person to abandon her and refect unworth. Yup, it is a challenge for them Of course Just as it was a huge challenge for mom to raise children in patriarchy Many rose to the occasion Oppression is damaging Life threatening Our nature needs to reflect worth, to matter , to thrive. Fail- to -thrive babies, show us this The parent is emotional gone, and can't refect worth to the baby It dies slowly from not mattering Stops eating Patriarchy has reflected this brushing womyn aside - not being of value. Not mattering. Only using them when they can give something like sex or service Compromising her security ugh Oh, the layers of patriarchy that keep hammering HER And when HER body is now shutting down from age Wild!!! Sad
It is important that adult children speak their truths...and say what they think and feel, and see things differently And It is equally important mothers DO THE SAME and are allowed, supported, and not attacked Again, SHE is left out Girls lose their authentic voice by 11 because of-The SYSTEM of patriarchy!!!! Mom lost her authentic voice also at 11 Right!! The layers of patriarchy run deep. BOTH, ALL sides need to be ALLOWED. She, mom, has NOT been allowed for decades and generation's She WILL NEED to actually use texting and voice message to do it-Because of the many traumas she has endured in her life when she tried. Face to face is too much. Baby steps are needed. The body language and safety issues are some of the reasons, And That she would struggle deeply to say it to her beloved children It would be too triggering Plus, she would need practice. She won't get it right/perfect Because of these layers And no path As we see here, too We are ALL just learning to break this oppressive programming in our system of thousands of years
I find the phrasing "we can't change our mothers" to be rooted in the patriarchy FILTER that says -there IS something "wrong" with her. Ugh. Of course she can't be OK the way she is!!! Ugh. EVERYONE has positives and negatives, strengths and weaknesses., and yet, we focus on mothers negatives-she must be changed, fixed-signaling she is FLAWED only. Ugh Sad.. the layers of patriarchy and misogyny run deep. We struggle to find a path OUT and struggle in words, too. Sad The layers of oppression that womyn and mothers endured, it needs to be highlighted that it is a testiment to HER that SHE MANAGED TO LIVE. These are deeply painful things that go into one's heart and her identity, by nature and what is forced on her , programmed in her psychy And it IS our nature, as communal creatures to stay in tribes. Yet, not HER, she is too much and not enough #DownWithPatriarchy #downwithmisogyny #downwithoppression #upwithincludingHER, too
After looking at this list MORE, it shows the misogyny we have lived in and how it is damaging humans and relationships; important relationships. This list was done by a professional in the psychology field, that had been in the field for a LONG TIME. When one looks at this LIST, that is filled out to help understand the challenges the Therapist faces when a Mother and her Adult Daughter comes in for help, this list shows something I deeply doubt is "explained" to help BOTH understand part of the ROOT of the disconnection they are feeling and struggling with. Nature vs Nurture OR Nature AND Nurture, would be more accurate. A lion/lioness learns to BE a lion /lioness by BEING with and LIVING with their "parents" or "parent". EACH generation of lion/lioness's learn to BE who they are from the generation before them, in MANY DEEP ways. The MOST "learning", humans have is in the first 3 years of life. IF we know this, as professionals in the field, or even human beings knowing this, we can look at this list below and SEE that OF COURSE a child WILL be 'deeply' influenced by their parent (in this case the MOTHER IS TARGETED and "blamed"...filter of 'blame'...focus on what is 'wrong") Thus, knowing we ALL learn, like any animal, in any family, from the parent/parents, then OF course we are DEEPLY influenced by our parent/parents. The NEXT 'logical" step to take in understanding why Adult Daughters ( or son's) struggle with things on THIS list, that are deemed important to question....and if scores are not IDEAL...for that Adult Child and how they "want to be" as a grown person, or the quality of the relationship between parent ( in this case the TARGETED MOTHER) and adult children is to look at the SYSTEM we LIVE in that has done these things to WOMYN. NOT looking at the "product" of the system for "blame" or even answers that will have IMPACT or the really important connector which is" understanding". That this IS NOT FRONT and CENTER in this....does a HUGE disservice to MOTHERs....WOMYN...and Adult Children and their deeply important relationship with parent/parents....and finding ANY PATH to connection, health or healing. And this is from a LEADER in the field of Psychology , a field that was born in this SAME SYSTEM. It is the SYSTEM that is causing these damages...and yet, when patriarchy/misogyny/oppression is brought up...PEOPLE RISE UP in ANGER and OUTRAGE to shut this discussion DOWN. People RAISED and PROGRAMMED in this system of patriarchy are the ones that rise up to defend it, making shifting out of the actual "problem" mired in muck. This is cult behaviour. So damaging to humans and relationships. KNOWING is the FIRST STEP OUT. Love & Light & Reaching to shift out of this old system.
Here is the Development and Evaluation of the Adult Daughter-Mother Relationship Questionnaire (ADMRQ) NOTICE how one sided this is! And it is focused on the MOTHER...father get's a PASS, once again. ugh. NOTICE how the adult children get a pass. NOTICE how patriarchy/misogyny/oppression once again shows up , even in psychology, even in the leaders in the field that we go to for understanding and help. NOTICE how deep this goes, and how hopeless it can feel in something as IMPORTANT as a healthy mother and adult children relationship. NOTICE that this IS what is causing this disconnection and discourse. The FILTER is warped. M is for MOTHER See the MOTHER is being evaluated. Why? She must be the ONLY PROBLEM, right? NO Change D for Daughter or S for Son Because Mother's also struggle deeply in these relationships. Of course they do. They are just supposed to put up and shut up. Be caregivers, not care receivers. Mothers/womyn are to be self sacrificing and self-less. Put others first. Don't make others uncomfortable by bringing up HER needs, wants, hurts, anger, frustration, dreams. And isn't it INTERESTING that these VERY same things Adult children are complaining about in HER are what was IMPOSED, PROGRAMMED, DEMANDED ,THREATENED in HER to DO !!!! Can we say "scapegoat" ? Yes, we can. Because womyn are the scapegoats in patriarchy for MEN to MATTER. SHOCKING!!!! But I have studied this long enough to understand it. It is SAD...deeply sad, because it is damaging deeply important relationships.
This tools are great, I am so thankful Jesus is with me, so its not all up to me, The love of God heals and he never abandon us.
I just bought the book. Thank you
A person not nurtured correctly as a baby , telling young mums how to do it ! Err. ! She has a better memory of her baby self than most ! No scientific studies cited. Even though both are , “knowledgeable” and “ life experienced “. ! 😂 don’t give up the day job ladies !
Preventative medicine. ! Lmao. Love the rollo. 😂👌
this man is talking about trauma and he has no concern with animal testing...how shutdown is that!!!. TOTAL CRUELTY that he cannot even feel towards other sentinent beings...I'm so upset by this..the poor animals being subjected to cruelty..
Thank you for sharing this conversation. I am struggling to overcome sudden abandonment and divorce after 26 years of marriage. Coping is becoming harder as time progresses. I am realizing that I must address it now.
OMG so sorry just did a search and dear LUCIA passed away in 2022 ironically she had a period of mental health issues? perhaps she had a physical illness too?
so glad I found this video
can this help with losing a parent when you are an adult?
It’s been 3 months. I still think I’m going crazy and can’t do this. How long do I have to do this?!
Im screwed my family tree on both sides has nothing but truamas. Explain why my cptsd is so bad.....sigh
Wonderful interview🥰 thank you for sharing!
My mother is not a narcissist, in fact, she suffers from low self-esteem to this day at the age of 78 (I am 44). My mother hit me twice in my life, once when I was 5 years old and I cut myself with my father's razor and another time when I smoked marijuana at 14 years old and she beat me with a belt until I drew blood. of my thighs, I was covered in bruises and very traumatized, as it was not customary to be violent even with me and my brothers (me being the middle child) while screaming madly that I was going to be admitted to a rehabilitation clinic for drug addicts and calling me a prostitute, said I was going to start prostituting myself to get drugs (I swear I just used sex, but she was terrified of the possibility of me becoming a drug addict and nowadays I understand her fear, but I can't forgive her violent reaction and words) offended me with the dirtiest names imaginable and I spent a year without receiving money from my parents for anything, as I never bought drugs in my life, I just smoked marijuana with friends at school, they took it, not me. Other times as a child, she screamed that she hated me, while arguing with my drunken father (deep down with hatred for her own choice of husband) and when I was 21 years old, she threw me out of the house because I complained that She dirty the kitchen floor that I had cleaned, like I used to do every day to clean up my father's mess. My father: lawyer, blind, alcoholic, cheated on my mother even though he was blind (a very handsome and inteligent man who became completely blind due to a surgical error) with many women. My mother: bitter, smoker, civil servant in a school office, worked 8 hours a day; We had a comfortable material life and my mother was not physically affectionate, we only touched each other on Mother's Day, mine and her birthday and Christmas and New Year. I'm talking about actually touching it, with your hands. She doesn't touch any of her children!!!!! She's cold, but she's generally kind to everyone, the strangest person I know. I think she was beaten a lot in her childhood... so I try to understand and forgive her. I am from Brazil... Thank you for this video e for whomever read my comment until here! I hope you (we) all heal from our traumas! 💖
You sparked a deep and serious life change and direction in my life. Thank you.❤
Harriet, thank you for the respectful framework, the support for each daughter's right to her limits and her own position, and the perspective of asking questions to find honest ways to uncover information. This seems to afford both people choices. THAT seems really productive ground.
This was an absolutely eye-opening interview and I am so very grateful to you ladies!! Thank you so much!!
My teen hates me. It’s awful.
Thanks for this video! When is the new book coming out ??
Problem with putting yourself first all the time is there is no room for anyone else to be around...
its very selfish imo
Very good interview ❤
When I was in the death phase (underworld) in the dark Goddess journey I saw in a shamanic journey was grandmother of the wolf clan and she is with me. She came when my son died.
It sounds like the underworld with Inanna. The wild phoenix risen from the ashes.
Great interview, thank you 🩵
It is not hard to be a mother, it's not hard to love your daughter. This video gives bad people excuses. to act badly.
Was there a chance that your little friend was in shock as well?
My dad is retired United States, Navy submarine force 20 years I was adopted at eight days old from a 13-year-old mom. My dad was gone for the first six years of my life which are the most critical bonding time in a person lives with the parent last year he was in the Navy, who was gone over 300 days this day. I still have an estranged relationship with him its cost me multiple relationships and I am now in counseling for this
I'm the mother in my situation. And if you asked my daughter I've been a terrible mean and vindictive mother. But that was never my intention and I feel so lost as to where to go from here. My daughter views me in an absolutely terrible light. Says I want to be her friend and not her mother and that we don't even have a mother daughter type of relationship because I want to be her friend.. and while I'd agree I that we are friendly. So are my mother and I and we have always leaned on each other. Something my daughter quite clearly rejects. I wish I could say I'm going to send this to her and try to work on things, but I think she will just reject me. It feels like she wants to reject me no matter what. I do get angry and I do slam things down and slam doors and maybe even accidentally break things but those moments are usually in very heated situations and I think I do those things to assert myself and maybe even try to display some sort of dominance. It's not something that is thought out or intentional. I've just been thinking about all the whys lately. And she's a mom now too and she counts on me for far more than I think she should. I'm going through a lot emotionally myself as I walk my own journey. And the pressure of being as involved daily is a lot. And I find myself crying myself to sleep most nights. I've been a single mother most of my children's lives and we did leave a very toxic and hostile if not violent relationship with her father. And I feel like she blames me a lot for that.. I'm just struggling to be a person in the world, and have any shred of confidence and her total disapproval of anything I say or do feels very much like a shunning from the only family I really have. And I feel very hurt and isolated. I don't really want to lose my daughter before I die.. and I don't want to lose contact with her boys who I babysit to some degree if not all day every day just because she's so mad at me. I wish I knew what a normal mother daughter relationship looked like so I could give it to her.. but I'm just me, that's all I can offer anyone.. but I'll love her until I die.. 💔
OMG 😱 finally !!!!!! I realize what’s wrong with me and why I get anxiety and panic attacks 😢thank you 🙏🏼