Пікірлер

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  @slvrcross10 сағат бұрын

  Hello! I'm not a hoarder but I have a lot of possessions I'm trying to get rid of (sell, donate, etc.) and I am having trouble with categorization of my possessions. Do you have any resources on this?

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  @cheezypeezy5421 күн бұрын

  It's so hard to not say anything and then mask your facial expressions

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  @lizbethcafe28 күн бұрын

  Thank you so much. I never knew my mom felt shame. Like you said she would always defend her “stuff”, and shame is a really powerful emotion probably fuels the hoarding more. Thank you for making me realize I need more empathy towards my mother.

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  @karencrecco2922Ай бұрын

  You are so kind and smart! Allowing her to have her dignity while solving the problem!

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  @essebug1066Ай бұрын

  Well everything that you are telling your Mom in a nice and logical way she is going to take it wrong forever and that is because what she is saying back to you is her truth. When I would have concerns about my young kids going to my Mom's house to stay the night I would kindly suggest that she watch things or maybe straighten up her house a little so my kids had room to play or sleep and she would take it as me telling her that her home is dirty and she is a bad grandmother for not keeping a clean house so her grandkids are safe and blah, blah, blah... She was 100% right. She knew the answer and she knew the truth that was lying beneath my soft words. My mom was speaking to herself when she would say those hurtful things.They honestly are just narcissistic people who really only are concerned with their feelings and all that matters at any time is them and you as a child could never express yourself fully out of fear of making your mom want to just end everything or the fact that you're to blame for her unhappiness. I have seen and heard it all. They are sick and you just need to step away.

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  @essebug1066Ай бұрын

  All of us Children of horders should have our blood drawn and saved as we have super immunity. I never get sick now as an adult. My Mom would smaoke in the house as well. I'm happy yet sad I had to live through it.

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  @serenityjewelАй бұрын

  I was a little girl, between 6 and 10, when I read about ant farms and suddenly knew someone was watching the earth like we were watching the ants. I was a little black girl, raised poor and Christian in the Southern US, never exposed to anything like that, and I knew we were being watched. Now I know we're players in a game being played by supernatural beings. None of this actually matters. We're just game pieces winning and losing "points" for players. And no, we can't really become cognizant because we can never exist apart from the game.

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  @chrissinha3931Ай бұрын

  I just walked away. She is a lost cause and I’m not going to let her illness continue to make a negative impact on my life in any way.😊

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  @arlenefisher1164Ай бұрын

  Your mom sounds like such a caring, loving lady. Wonder if she could volunteer at a nearby school, helping out?

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  @arlenefisher1164Ай бұрын

  Listen to her, empathize with her, agree with her feelings and statements as much as possible with then partner with her. You cannot talk a person out of a delusion as they believe it. Try discussing other subjects. People with mental illness are more than their illness.

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  @julieroberts3314Ай бұрын

  You are an absolute wonderful son. God bless you. I wish I knew then what I know now. Thank you for sharing

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  @Justbeautifullife_1111Ай бұрын

  Hi Did you solve her issue?

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  @lorralorra222Ай бұрын

  The videos about hoarding has changed my life, after all our family problems, to me she’s like a robot a shell of a person , it’s like she’s not real, it’s going hard to walk away, but I will, she always looks at past photos and where they lived, never about her family now, and I noticed she lies a lot,I said why were u so mean and loud , she said no I didn’t, I’m like wow is it that easy to lie..?.

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  @captaincrustyradio2 ай бұрын

  Very well done. 💯👍

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  @smitten_2 ай бұрын

  Thank you for this video. This sounds EXACTLY like my mom and me in her house...only downside was as we were constantly fighting about cleaning up and me trying to help and in a way getting somewhere, she suddenly passed away in a car accident the middle of this process. So many mistakes made and it took me a Month to clean up her house by myself as I didnt want to let anyone else in to protect her dignity. 😢 Be thankful your mom is still there and help help help as mich as you can and work with their Boundaries. They DO NEED YOU, even if they push you away. I miss my mom dearly and will clean up any hoard for her any day just to have her here again.

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  @moonmissy2 ай бұрын

  My mom is a hoarder, she also had a lot of childhood trauma growing up with an abusive grandmother and alcoholic father. She has NPD and is in constant denial of reality. I treat her like a two years old, having hard boundaries and act like her parent. It seemed to work for her, she wouldn’t listen otherwise. She’s terrified of being abandoned but always becomes so intolerable that no one wants to live or interact with her. My sister and I just clean out her house every now and then, when she’s gone. At least for a few years after that she is not living in a dangerous environment until her plant hoarding and recyclable hoarding is not pilling up to the point of toxic dump. She would get mad at us for a few months but we just don’t do anything. She needs us and eventually had to make up because she’s lonely with no friends.

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  @PMA655372 ай бұрын

  In a narrow path through junk the owner could fall over. While trying to get up they could have things fall on them. When trapped they could die of thirst over the next week or two. All the old people guides on getting off the floor involve some free space and usually reaching a climbing support like a chair.

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  @RJones-tn5vg2 ай бұрын

  My grandma hoarded and my mom hoarded and I think have been doing it too. I agree wholeheartedly that criticism doesn't help, and trying to fix it for them will backfire. Talking with them about their feelings and increasing their confidence are the first steps. I also struggle with making decisions. I like to tell myself that my house isn't as bad as my elders, but if I go a few more years unchecked, it probably would have gotten that way.

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  @Marie_Adams3 ай бұрын

  Guess culture is an absolute nightmare in the world of neurodiversity. Direct honest communication is necessary, but we end up trapped in mind games because guess cultire people demand that their own emotional landscape is more important than just being honest & direct.

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  @sjordan70853 ай бұрын

  What a kind and caring person you are.! This video is 100% more helpful, than anything else I have seen on youtube, on the topic. Most KZreadrs, who claim to present hoarding solutions, are often cruel, even down right nasty! Many who discuss hoarding, act as though they are superior to those who hoard. And, claim that nothing being saved is of value, which of course, may often not be true. After having to empty the homes of five immediate family members who died within the space of 18mos, I often had to sort rooms that were stacked from floor to ceiling with boxes, and I became exhausted. Once, an entire ground floor that was like that, after a truck delivered boxes to my house, all needint to be sorted, which I did without help, a daunting task, for anyone grieving the loss of an entire generation of immediate family members. After moving my own items including family heirlooms from the UK to the US, I discovered many unique and valuable items had been stolen by the movers. I find myself in the middle of having to work on sorting, and organizing my own treasures. Adult children took it upon themselves to take the contents of my 10X10 storage area to the Goodwill without permission. It was disturbing to walk into the store one day, only to discover many of my possessions for sale. Of course, the family member who took everything there denied it, and violated my trust. And, you are right, most people who hoard feel shame, To me, the shame is attached to being emotionally and mentally drained from having to deal with so much family business left by deceased family members, moving, and having to cope with two major life threatening longterm illnesses. It is only now, two years later, that I am able to unpack boxes, and bring order to my own life. A Cancer Psychologist told me, she had no doubt that as soon as my health improved, so would the clutter, thankfully, she was correct. I have no interest in keeping paper items, other than Christmas and Birthday wrapping papers, which will be used as occasions happen, and are stored in a plastic purpose made container. I am also a mindful prepper, of food and dry goods to use in case of emergencies, all stored tidily in my garage. Being resilient is a value I hold dear, and especially important for someone who is older and lives alone, without relatives nearby to help. I appreciate the thoughts you have shared Sam, you are indeed a gentle soul. I have decided to focus more on creating a beautiful environment rather than allowing myself to be distracted by other aspects of life. Thank you!

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  @julezee65003 ай бұрын

  What wonderful words of Wisdom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  @SewManyThings3 ай бұрын

  Is there any science to support this theory? To me it seems like actively forgetting things inhibits the brain from creating neural pathways which is so important for memory.

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  @WellBeingThunderstorm3 ай бұрын

  Great question! Here is a recent scientific article titled, "Responsible Remembering and Forgetting in Younger and Older Adults" www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9363524/ That article provides links to MANY studies on how forgetting can be beneficial. For example, "Forgetting as the friend of learning: Implications for teaching and self-regulated learning." journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/advan.00001.2019

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  @WellBeingThunderstorm3 ай бұрын

  The nice things about these articles is they will provide references to further articles/studies... so you can follow quite the rabbit hole of examples where forgetting can be helpful. In my video, I was mostly focused on how forgetting unimportant information can be helpful, but there are also examples of where selectively forgetting important information can be beneficial to the learning process (as in the second link above). Thanks for you question :)

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  @SewManyThings3 ай бұрын

  An entire decade to get rid of that horrific urine and feces filled carpet?!? Wow!! You have more patience than I could ever have for something like that!

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  @roxanaortega4654 ай бұрын

  Great advice. Too bad I can't do this. It's just too much.

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  @WellBeingThunderstorm3 ай бұрын

  Yeah, it is a LOT. I helped out for about a month each year for many years and chose to take a step back about three years ago. I agree with you, it is a LOT!

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  @roxanaortega4653 ай бұрын

  @@WellBeingThunderstorm I admire your efforts. But I had to put myself first. I still worry for my mother's situation, though.

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  @karlmarcelo21534 ай бұрын

  I am living this. It's so exhausting. I am tired of the fights. The cat poop smell is frustrating. She have 20+ cats and it's crowded in our apartment now. I can't watch a movie without peace. After I clean the house the cats will poop again they have no liter which I think is wrong. She and my sister are in this together and they make me feel crazy. Not that I hate cats but having cats poop in your room where you sleep is wrong. I wish I could get out of this place.

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  @amirahsadre45704 ай бұрын

  The worst you can do is to go in and get rid of things without the owner’s permission. Often people think that’s the only way, but it can make that person suicidal due to loss of their control over their lives. That sense of loss also triggers more hoarding.

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  @VJFranzK4 ай бұрын

  The challenge is: When you become Ask! but your friends still want you to guess everything. You will wish everyone understood this!

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  @gothicc_gremlin5 ай бұрын

  Thank you for this video man, I have a friend who's a hoarder, and I am someone who really cannot handle spaces like that, and I hav3 had no idea how to actually help her without judgement

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  @brendasawatsky27985 ай бұрын

  Thank you

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  @brendasawatsky27985 ай бұрын

  Thank you

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  @brendasawatsky27985 ай бұрын

  Thank you for this video, I believe I'm in the beginning stages of Hoarding. I'm very overwhelmed at the thought of getting rid of all my "treasures". You are very on point with this. Thank you so very much. Be blessed 😇🙏

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  @Caveyacht5 ай бұрын

  Saw a comment on Reddit that referred to Ask vs Guess culture so I searched for it and I’m so glad this video came up. Thank you for breaking it down so well!

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  @susanita3876 ай бұрын

  What a beautiful video filled with sensitivity, respect, non defensiveness, insight and advice. It has helped me so much. I have found myself defensive but you get out of the way and know it is not about you. You look beyond the hoarding with unconditional love. Just what I have been trying to do. Amazing.

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  @dionysiandoll35926 ай бұрын

  Would you say that Iceland has an Ask Culture and Japan has more of a Guess Culture? Do you have a list that categorizes countries as to are which culture they have? I feel as though the British culture is half Ask and half Guess. This is a really interesting topic.

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  @santanapage50446 ай бұрын

  My mom is also a hoarder, I don't understand why? I just don't get it, when I try to tell her to get rid of stuff she makes excuses on why to keep things

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  @brain0nfire6 ай бұрын

  Hoarders dissociate a lot. They are narcissists. It's the same ethology. It's all PTSD derived. If you want to make them listen you have to give them a meaningful role they can perform that requires their house to be clean. PS: we can arrange a convo if you want.

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  @jvall58796 ай бұрын

  My dad has scarcity trauma and I believe he is a hoarder. The house we like ig feel inhabitable at times and I am trying to move out because of it.

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  @anncejka6 ай бұрын

  I grew up in my parents hoarder home. When it was finally time to sell the house, it took me a year to clean it out. The first thing I learned is that it is almost impossible to clean a hoarder home when the hoarder is still living in it. -Largely because of the mental illness issues, but I did not know that then. Getting them to understand that this is a mental illness issue and seek treatment for it, is almost equally impossible. Years later, after some very open and frank conversations with extended family, I realized that this was a hidden issue that was pervasive throughput multiple branches of the family. The best answer we could come up with as to the source of it was complex post traumatic stress disorder that had passed through the generations due to alcoholism, poverty from the great depression, and narcisstic abuse that passed from parent to child through the generations. Our hoarding family members had low self esteem and no sense of self. Their ability to connect and form healthy relationships with others had been damaged in early childhood and never fully developed. In our family, because we had never been able to have a close connection with a family member, we had it with their "stuff" instead, inheriting and fighting over generations of heirlooms and objects. Animal hoarding was also an issue, to the point that some would prioritize the animal over their own child, because they felt a closer, more secure connection to the animal, and the animal would not judge them. Bad memory from CPTSD was also an issue, and some were afraid to let go of papers and junk mail because there might be something important in it they were afraid they would forget. -I realize none of this gives much in the way of useful tips for easily solving the problem, but it did give me more patience and understanding for those who suffer from it. -As well as those going through it with them.

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  @vickimerritt28326 ай бұрын

  You are critizing.

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  @vickimerritt28326 ай бұрын

  Wake up. We know it is bad. There is a point of no return. Judging is NOT helping. You all have it wrong.

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  @candacekuhn85896 ай бұрын

  Bless you for your kindness to your mother! Everyone has issues. Challenges present opportunities for everyone and for everyone there is an equal opportunity to learn and grow with compassion. For those who are not on the same page, criticism and judgement remain as stumbling blocks, equally as damaging as the mental trauma that prompts hoarding behaviors. You are using your gifts wisely. Thank you for sharing!❤

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  @the_journey_with_rachaelco90597 ай бұрын

  My mom has hoarding tendencies. She has rooms that you can’t access. Piles of clothes over 6 feet. And a garage filled with random stuff. It’s become much worse since her mother’s death. I want to help her but she constantly shuts any mention of getting things organised or cleaned up.

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  @aliceiswonderful31287 ай бұрын

  Hi my mother's home is 100 times worse than that of your mother. However my mum also keeps an imaculate bathroom.

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  @MichNative017 ай бұрын

  She does not want to hear the truth. I have a mother in law in the same boat.

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  @babigirl91117 ай бұрын

  I am convinced that hoarding has its roots in narcissism.

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  @yarnarrutor94186 ай бұрын

  I agree. Most hoarders are narcissists. They aren't overt, but covert narcissists. Hoarding is exquisitely selfish.

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  @ASMR_Lighting7 ай бұрын

  These are very thoughtful and honest exchanges about difficult aspects of human relationships. I think you've accurately diagnosed a 'false narrative' but I wonder if you see that you may be the family scapegoat? Usually, it is the competent and practical child who wants to advance the family, while the parent(s)/siblings project all their negativity and shortcomings onto the scapegoat. It is good to have a desire to make the best of your time with your family but the reality is that you may be falling into a cycle of hope, only to be disappointed each time there is a relapse.

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  @SB_McCollum7 ай бұрын

  My mom was a hoarder, but she's been gone 10 years now so revisiting it from another perspective is very interesting. She, too, had a focus on educating young people, and I've inherited the inability to get rid of deceased family member's things because it's a connection to them. However, because it took me several years to work thru each of my parent's things in turn, I've come to know that no one wants all that stuff, some photos and an ancestry tree will suffice for the young people... who are out living their own lives instead of locked between stacks of tattered memories in a house somewhere!

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  @marinastanfa39097 ай бұрын

  i have an extremely hard time with feeling patience and compassion for hoarding. your mother is very lucky to have you

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  @applepie8237 ай бұрын

  My mom is also a hoarder. The air in her home is always thick and smells sour. She also has a bad cough. Her “stash” is so big she can’t touch the top of it. It’s caused no end of arguments.

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  @jennyw14457 ай бұрын

  My mom would not get up to let the dog out. She would put paper down every day for the dog to pee on. She taught the dog to pee and poop in the house. I ended up staying at her house for a few months. I got up every morning to let the dog out. It didn't pee or poop in the house anymore. She also had boxes of mail she kept. She said she was afraid she would throw something out that was important. She had a tree fall on her roof. The contractor had to rent a storage trailer for her to put all of her stuff in from just the kitchen just so he could get into to do the repairs. My sister tried to force Mom to get rid of stuff. I think my mom almost had a stroke, seriously. My mom did all the coughing too, she couldn't figure out it was from all the dust. I got sick staying there from the dust.