After telling him the only thing i have ever asked of you is the truth . His response was 'i am telling you the ... truth' There was just no way to deal with his delusional thinking. There is nothing loving about allowing someone to continue harmful disrespectful behavior

@Thankful305

Жыл бұрын

And they constantly point the finger at us!

At the point you need to be a detective, it's over.... you deserve better. "Stick with the facts and take the emotion out of it". That really resonated with me.

@PoliticalWonderland

Жыл бұрын

That’s also exactly what narcs do. So be careful using narc tactics cuz a narc can run circles around u.

@johnnyrocket327

Жыл бұрын

But u know ur in for a dreaded ride when he begins to accuse you of these vague almost nonsensical things just to know down the road that all he ever accused me of was a actually something he did at some point.. it makes me sick to my stomach.. he literally gave me a lecture on lying hours before.. and before that made bold exclamations and legit changes I almost thought like there is hope.. he even put on a video that talked about NPD..and altho it was literally describing him to a tee, he still remained steadfast , and pitied the narcissist..but it him I caught in a slip up, one I didn't let go that was the ultimate down Fall once more. I made him feel like shit for lying to me to the point those feelings caused him to now see me 'as a friend' if I was lucky.. 😢

@debralondon2402

Жыл бұрын

Yes

I have this bad feeling whenever I stick up/assert boundaries and get the blame on me that something is wrong with me. This causes anxiety and makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I know it’s not but it hurts deep down it makes me feel like it’s my fault.

Often a better approach is to say: " leaving the bulk of the truth out is a form of manipulation." "I deserve transparency" ~ Shouldn't have to track them!

Ben that’s spot on. The narcissist is long gone and I don’t look back at them. But in my life I has doubts about myself like I’m my professional life or life’s decisions. And boy did I waste energy and time on these people. Thank you 🙏🏼

Trust is important if you don't have trust you don't have a relationship.

@johnnyrocket327

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely, it's even worse when you think u've had that trust, but it never existed to begin with.. when behind the one shining example of honesty and transparency was a lie.. how much of anything or everything was a lie? And knowing to the what cruel effort it took for them to cover their tracks to make me believe he was the poster boy for honesty. He had me so fooled. And the worst part was finding things out by totally random means, and the way I found things out, it was like he had a whole other life that I wasn't privy too but had he come to me and shared it I would have accepted.. but you confront him with picture evidence, like DNA, and he still refused to believe or acknowledge it was him. My fault for creating this drama and dragging his name thru the mud. I need so much therapy I need to go back in time and begin at 15

God I don’t miss those days at all playing detective getting phone records omg so glad I’m 9 years single and drama free and it’s wonderful

That's why I'm single and free and I make no excuses, for no one. LOL

My ex lied about lying. Lately he improved somewhat and said (when I mentioned his lies were a reason I left) “yes, you probably have a list of them”. Like it was me creating the problem in the first place.

I LOVE THIS VIDEO!! It cracks me up every time I listen to it. He said he loves me, but he’s a LIAR…etc…. EVERYTHING He/She says, but they are LIARS 😢 😢 😢 😮 cracks me up!!!

It's been 35 days since I left my narcissist... when I asked why lie to me he would say, because I love you and don't want to hurt you I'm protecting you 😢 He convinced for years that that was better than the pain from the truth even though I would always find out the truth! 14 long years and now I'm struggling each day to stay no contact! So much stress!

@Mayfloweralways

10 ай бұрын

My ex and i were arguing once ( when still together) and he blurted out “you don’t know how much i protect you.” It was so random. It had nothing to do with anything. I asked what he meant. He just stood there and said “nevermind.” Or course now i realize he actually was admitting to the mask for a moment- the liar and the cheat he kept hidden. Don’t mourn to relationship or the person. Nothing was ever real. Instead, you saw a magic trick. But now the trick is over and you know how it’s done. The next time you see it, it’s not magical anymore.

I watched a interrogation where a sadistic woman murdered a baby, that she was babysitting and she kept on lying and lying and lying. She kept on saying, I promise you as if that would bolster her, “ truth “. It was sickening and frustrating to see how stubborn she was. How much that she refused to take accountability. She actually thought that she could do what she wanted to do and lie her way out of it. She was also laughing inappropriately. Duper’s delight. They really don’t care what they do to normal human beings just so long as they can have their fun. They have no regard for human life. Because they don’t care. They think that if lying is what it takes for them to get what they want, then so be it. To them, it’s just another tool to be used to win. I watched an interview with a psychopath. He said, don’t let a sucker have an equal standing. So you see, you are just a sucker in their eyes. You loose because you project your belief system onto them. So when they say, I miss you, after you say it, ( they mirrored you ) you believe it because you felt it so surely they did too. You’re projecting what you feel out into the whole world thinking, surely the world is like this too. But sharks are not. You keep forgetting that you are dealing with a shark, not a human. They keep fooling you and you keep getting fooled because of your own ego; surely he misses me because I would. Nope. They have a whole other agenda. A whole other way of doing things. Their mind is different than yours. Their outlook on life is different than yours. You can find somebody who’s outlook on life matches up with yours.

I was a master at fooling myself and living in a fantasy world. I’m glad to be back.

This is the best one of your videos so far, in my opinion. I put up with lies for two decades and I did have to play‘detective’ and, yes, it was exhausting and soul destroying. I’ve finally learned to put boundaries in place and if my husband starts lying to me I explain that he’s welcome to whatever feelings he wants, but I’m sticking with facts. I leave the room if he doesn’t immediately apologise and stop lying. I’m not being passive aggressive, I simply have no wish to listen to him spouting nonsense. I value my time and don’t consent to waste a second of it listening to untruths.

VERY important video. Thank you, Ben.

I would think that most people in the middle of the toxicity can't answer the question of what it would look like to be free but it's good to ask it anyway. Looking back on the last few months/years with the N, I was barely functioning but thought I was ok at the time. There were 'reasons' for what we were going through. Yep, there sure were! 😂 The year-long legal process was brutal. (I realize that's short in comparison to some) The future is looking brighter, 14 months post separation/divorce.

Clear words, thank you for that, I think I really needed to hear this today. ❤

@RawMotivations

Жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

OMG. This video just explained EXACTLY what I’ve been saying and dealing with for 13 YEARS!!

Will lie and gaslight and deflect and project. I went to my sisters daughter's wedding out of town and he spends the weekend with his work mistress and then tells me i went out of town to see someone...anything to deflect from his cheating. Meanwhile she's posting it all over Facebook...omg so damn embarrassing

Third time listening Ben! This IS one of your most powerful video messages for me ❤✝️💟 Thank you!!

Thank you for this video. Very helpful. 😢

The ex-wife let him bring the dog she’d never let him have when we transfer to a new city. Then she’d call, he said to “talk to the dog”. What?!! No. Lies. I did eventually find his car her driveway, four hours away, all while he told me he’s visiting his grown daughter. When I brought it up few days later…more lies. Ewe.

I commend you on your take on this skewed topic. You know your grind and you have actually helped me so much in trying to change the dynamics of moving forward. Relationship with a narcissist is draining.

Thank you very helpful ❤

I love this video. Made me laugh.

I think it is important to take time to get to know someone. I mean at least hang out 2-3 times before an intimacy even like holding hands. After spending a few different days with someone if it even gets that far cuz a lot of times it doesn’t even need to get that far, see if the person is comfortable and then proceed to ask more personal questions. At the same time be serious when you ask these questions, but let the person know they can trust what they tell you. If after what they tell you you don’t vibe with it, it seems strange, it seems false, don’t proceed into an intimate relationship for sure, and maybe just give it a few more hangs to see if they can even be some sort of acquaintance. That’s like the first step. Just slow down and see the person in Front of you. I know they could be lying, but observe the body language and how they say things. A lot of people feel like a person is lying, but they don’t want to believe it and stop moving forward. They want to feel sorry for the person lying or hope it’s no big deal. Don’t do that. That would prevent probably 2/3 of bad relationships even starting. If a person is not in a stage of their life where they can be honest about themselves, don’t join teams with them. Just some info to help people not be afraid to meet people, and also not move forward with getting to know someone once you encounter them a time or two. You hold space until you feel safe, or don’t proceed. If after you have been with someone they lie, I really think you have to cut ties. Sharp and fast. If the relationship is meant to go forward, that person has to know you mean business and regroup on their own time and maybe they will learn to be honest with you, but don’t do it in close proximity with that person, and don’t hold your breath. Move forward without them, and let them be the one to reach out and show they have changed., and that doesn’t mean now you hold the bat and play detective. If being around them is still not feeling right, don’t do it. Anyways, narcs are always lying so dont bother, but for the regularish population.

Yup detective - at this moment watching this because I caught him with yet another women 😢

Thanks! This is helping to make the decision I should have made in 2021🎉 my husband has been seeing prostitutes and women he met while out of state working, this went on for at least 3 decades.❤

Very positive message covered some slot of interesting topics I write a piece on the rebbes who rolled in the ⛄️ snow😊

🔥🔥🔥🔥

The lying. 9 of the 10 things wasn,t true. 😢

I found a deleted text for a dating site authorization code. He denied it. I created a profile and found him. He denied it. I sat across from him at the table to reset a password using is phone with his number and his email. I got in said profile. He denied it!!!

Omg yes..... so what would or could the lier do to straiten this out

My Ex told me he didn't have this womans number. He told me this woman didn't exist. My instinct told me otherwise so i checked his phone and she was there in black and white. Lier. I knew then i would never trust him again.

Why can’t the comments spell liar? 😂 wtf is a “lier” yall ffs 😂🤦‍♀️