In my experience, merely suggesting that someone get 'help' simply made them indignant and resentful. As a friend put it: 'Someone who is not willing to help themselves, is someone who is not worth waiting for.'

@seanm7539

Жыл бұрын

Truth

@blueskies7035

Жыл бұрын

Save yourself a lot of trouble and go "no contact." Hopefully, there are no kids involved and you have the flexibility to do this without the practical concerns.

@wetwhistlinwillyjohnson5743

Жыл бұрын

What do you expect anyone to say to ‘maybe you need help’? Get real, man.

@jamesgraves9858

10 ай бұрын

It's not something they should refuse. BPD is not a relationship that can succeed. It is love but it lacks all the qualities of a RELATIONSHIP. Help is needed or BPD people will just fantasize about other partners they'll find the same problems with. It's an endless cycle

@carlitobrigante330

10 ай бұрын

@@jamesgraves9858 Tend to agree. I left a girlfriend with BPD once I realized that she was merely repeating patterns, and had demonstrated all of the same behaviours with previous partners that she was demonstrating with me. That was when I knew that things were beyond repair, and that nothing was ever going to change.

I think that is so strange. They want to be loved, but at the same time they are terrified of it.

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

We all have a yearning to form a strong intimate bond with someone. Unfortunately we are led to it by our subconscious thoughts. If they're healthy ones we will form healthy relationships, if they're filled with unhealed trauma we will form unhealthy relationships

@Bibleinformationandhelp

7 ай бұрын

@@sunbeam9222 I guess it would be difficult for someone to trust another if they have been abused or traumatized.

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

@@Bibleinformationandhelp indeed. My Bpd ex expressed that he wanted nothing more than to be in a loving relationship with me but every time we grew closer, fears would reach high levels and then his mind would create negative images and thoughts. And before you know it he's unable to differentiate what's real and what isn't. Pretty sad.

@perborjel7928

3 ай бұрын

It´s less bewildering if you consider that they get psychological energy from hurting the loved one and refusing him (or her) their love. Why take a chance on positive energy when negative is their to just grab?

@Bibleinformationandhelp

3 ай бұрын

@@perborjel7928 It's almost as if they are being influenced by something negative.

Any significant push pull without communication is simply manipulation. It’s important to detach quickly from people that do this and focus on yourself and the healthy people in your life. My experience is that this is not fixable.

@oleugh

Ай бұрын

I tried for 5 years and failed as well. I feel for anyone struggling with this disorder, as well as their partners and ex partners. Thank god for all the information you can find online these days.. Sort of helps knowing that other people have similar experiences, and speaking to others that might be a little further down the path than one self. Thanks so much for what you do Lise.

@nappyfries

20 күн бұрын

It IS fixable. Lots of people have been treated successfully for bpd. Also not a lot of people are good communicators-borderlines or not. Doesn’t make them manipulative necessarily.

OMG u've nailed my ex- she would push me away, sexually , spiritually, emotionally, then punish me later for doing what she asked; it was maddening and led to some severe health consequences for me

@jetpilot3714

4 ай бұрын

I have had some pretty terrible health consequences as a result of my relationship with my-she’s either BPD or narcissistic partner. I was just wondering if you had gotten away from this monster and if your physical problems had subsided? I’m still somewhat involved with mine, but trying to distance.

@hawkspirals3483

3 ай бұрын

@@jetpilot3714 Oh my friend I got the discard after I had a stroke, it ALMOST killed me and i have lingering impacts that might last me for the rest of my life, but it feels so good to be away from her, and waking up to my own traumas that made me vulnerable to her; it was worth it, I call my stroke my "cosmic bitch slap" b/c I was walking blind

Where were you in 1987? I married Miss Jekyll-Hyde back in 1987. I tried everything for 3 decades. Nothing worked and then she up and suddenly abandoned me in 2018. Her Scorch earth campaign was devastatingly effective. I spent 4 years putting myself back together. I was not prepared for the “Trauma Bond Withdrawals”. I always called her “Jekyll-Hyde” for years, and did not become aware of the Cluster B disorders and Narcissist until after she left. Thanks for sharing. You are totally correct in everything you expressed. I survived Sociopathic Vulnerable Narcissist who is also a Borderline and Histrionic. She was a nightmare. My beliefs and upbringing kept me in an abusive relationship. There are no resources for men, and the legal system is stacked against the husband. Its a marvel that I am not in a psychiatric ward. She weaponized everything and often used “silent treatment, triangulation, manipulation, exploitation, the police, family, friends and so on to do her bidding. Every time I got ready to escape, she found ways to get other to help keep me hooked in her snare. I felt I was a man who follow Alice in To Nightmare Wonderland; then I got stuck in Rabbit Holes everywhere. Not easy to escape. Glad she is gone from my life now. Keep sharing and explaining; the right knowledge is power. I wish I had this information back in 1987. “Tell people to ALWAYS watch out for the RED FLAGS🚩 & do not ignore them.” I did…..paid dearly for it. Narcissistic Women expertly use “Love-Bombing” (like a ‘Succubus”) to keep you conflicted and contused. She knew when to be nice, whenever I got fed up with her madness. Sucked!!!! ✌🏽

1. The person has a cluster b personality disorder. 2. Past trauma 3. Resentment 4. it is a game to play. 5. She is a narcissist or sociopath and you are no longer giving her supply. 6. She’s just not that into you but you are providing some benefits. 7. She feels that you are too clingy. 8. She is responding to your push-pull signals. 9. She is noticing some red flags in you. 10. You’re noticing and bringing up her issues.

@juanvaldez5422

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like a mess to be avoided . Cluster B relationship all but ruined me . I don’t know if it’ll ever be alright honestly. It made me want to move into the woods and never speak to another person

@Azure_Zahab_Truth_Zealot

2 ай бұрын

All of these scream "It's not true love"

@Azure_Zahab_Truth_Zealot

2 ай бұрын

​@@juanvaldez5422same here. HaLaLU YaH

It was torture for me. She destroyed my will. Im still not the same, probably never will be.

@kronamadness7119

2 ай бұрын

Hi Aquious, I feel you and I know first hand it's pretty damn rough especially when by instinct their mecanism will focus your fear or weakness it's pretty vicious. But even if it's too late for him/her (rarely the case) learning about everything and the fact that it wasn't controlled may be a huge help for you, in my case it was a big liberation. It don't make what was done go away it still take time to heal but at least I can give you that precious info to lift that huge piece and ease your pain to focus on your roots. In my case understanding their mecanism and seeing them having huge regrets in their lucidity phase when I was able to reassure them enough to get there helped me to understand a LOT (despite their communication difficulties). Understand that it was not conciously aimed at me but something that they couldn't control. Some resist years to keep it inside to not hurt their loveds one but it's impossible to keep going like that with the right method soon or later they sensibility is too much and they go berserk. And this is why the more they're attached to you the more they cannot show you regrets are even be able to talk to you about it without having that maelstrom of emotions inside that make them crazy, but when you're not their main focus they are able to talk about it this is why they don't have the same speech with other people they are less attached, in short people who are not their "devaluation/demonisation target". So different from the rest of society that it's may look impossible to manage but it is possible. Understanding that and worth for me understanding that I was raised with BPD family members helped me dissociate my old wounds from "concious behavior" and understand I was not truly hated nor stupid and the best not conciously devalued my whole life! Even seeing some of them years later some with time are able to show regrets since they had the time to cool themself, even my sister who understand that she have BPD told me she regret the past and don't have time to lose her brother "again". God I wish you to live that, it freed so much energy that was used in doubts, regrets, fear that I was able to focus all of that energy to seek help and heal all thoses old trauma and even more catching up on everything I wanted to do catching up on my personnal developpement my emotional maturation, and today I feel unbeatable! Feel like I survived the war and I'm alive to talk about it. Understanding it was not precisely aimed at my person but a shitty mecanism they didn't choose to live with, I learned to shield my emotions to keep calm and stay in control. I protect myself and in the same time I'm the one who feel good in my skin and who is able to be reassuring to stop the crisis at its root, defused the beginnings of their phase helping them to anchor themself in reality just enough to get back to the good stuff and for some, to therapy. Talking about good stuff, in the process it helped me focus more on myself, my pleasure, my personnal growth, becoming again my n°1 priority. It's the only way and to feel good about yourself and to impose respect to never be the one devalued anymore, a win win. It's not simple a 180° angle change, but when you survive that not much can hurt you haha. I genuinly wish you and everyone else in these situations to find your own way to have that kind of liberation even if your BPD partner is not here anymore, you can still and must do it for youself guys :).

@canuckmaun77

Ай бұрын

Obviously, you're letting that toxic person still affect you. It is a choice of yours to heal and MOVE FORWARD!! Don't become a victimhood mentality. Choices...

So many men are lost in this cycle and bound by their good hearts. I pray for you guys! Record it if she's beating you up!

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

There's always a reason someone stays in an abusive relationship other than bad luck. Anyone in that case should take the opportunity to self reflect and understand why.

@luke144

7 ай бұрын

@@sunbeam9222 like love and dedication. Like not lying and keeping a promise. Victim blaming over here. Something tells me Sunbeam over here ain't so sunny.

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

@@luke144 lol here comes the victim blaming card. Fabulous way to escape any type of accountability and take refuge in the belief that we're such a poor empath full of love and victim of our impeccable values with no need to self reflect. Keep blaming then. Seems like it feeds your current needs.

@luke144

7 ай бұрын

Videos are hard to argue. Film the psychopath and when you're safe show everyone she knows. Let people know who she is. Inform the police. I was in a profoundly F-ed up relationship. I stayed in hopes she would see herself and get help. I offered to sell everything I own for her just to see a doctor. That would take "accountability" though. Countless suicide attempts in the name of "DESTROYING MY LIFE". Attacked countless times. Tens of thousands of dollars of my things were destroyed. Wrestled knives out of her hands and then when she got hurt I'm the bad guy. Oh God I could go on and on. If I wanted to press charges I could put her away for years. After lying to our friends and family about me beating her up I decided to start filming her pathetic acts of violence. You would think she would stop after security cameras were set up in our house that she knew about... Nope, it just got worse and worse. I have video no woman could've down. Beast like behavior. I grew up with this woman, put her through college and was deeply in love with her even though she was very ill. If I sent even the tamest of videos I took to her job she would never be able to work around children again. Don't let it happen men. Don't let some spoiled brat try to rub your face in her waste. At the first sign of a money hungry, self-centered, violence and low emotional intelligence, RUN!!!!! If you feel trapped with kids and whatnot VIDEO VIDEO VIDEO. Leave copies with people you love and trust. Let the police know what they are dealing with so you don't get in trouble!!!!! Take responsibility for your actions... Ladies lol. Cameras and computers track your every move, sunshine 😜.

@luke144

7 ай бұрын

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp's relationship paints a CLEAR picture of what men suffer in silence everyday. That's not love!

I had a long relation to an covert narcissist and borderline. Everything is exactly as you described.

@gc8972b

Жыл бұрын

what would you say to younger self just embarking on that relationship?

@pedrokarstguimaraes1096

Жыл бұрын

@@gc8972b I´m just someone who knows what is the experience... but there are some few dangers: 1- Lost of years until you realise what it is, and that there might be no hope of healing, and how to deal with it; 2-Trauma on your side, because the constant instability dameges you, and there might be situations of infedility and depreciation; 3-Lost of prespective of long term; And there is also a trap, as if you have a predisposal mind to be an `hero`or a ´provider`( or ´co-dependent), you might invest too much in a no-return relation. With all that said, if the person have conscience... well, I don´t know. I´m no expert, just someone that had experience, and have an empirical perspective. Best wishes!

@gc8972b

Жыл бұрын

@@pedrokarstguimaraes1096 thank you. same

It's like she cast a spell on me! 8 months later in the break up and I'm still having pangs, trauma bond and ptsd

@allseeingotto2912

3 ай бұрын

It’s exactly like that ,the love bombing is intense.

As a woman who does pull away sometimes, the reason is because I am fully conscious of my emotional issues. Whenever I feel a breakdown approaching, I pull away from the people I love because I don’t want to hurt them.

@rinokpp1692

11 ай бұрын

Yah actually that how my gf feel any tip to like to help her she is trying to pull away ig u are the person that will know how to help

@tallulahrubymonroe4280

11 ай бұрын

Me too , i KNOW im a good person and i know im not perfect im gulty of many of the things mentioned , but i really DO NOT WANT TOO HURT ANYONE , if someone im with ever cheats or lies about ANYTHING they have destroyed anything we ever could have had ,I need to feel loved secure and safe , but sadly its hard to find that , i feel like we all get demonised and its just not true of all BPD SUFFERERS , like 'normal ' people arent all the same neither are we , we are all beautifully unique, no 2 are the same , we are all only HUMAN

@rinokpp1692

11 ай бұрын

@@tallulahrubymonroe4280 hi can i ask u like my gf had feeling like that bcs of an episode so like she push me away and i don't want to lose her bcs she think she hurt me but she is the missing part so i kinda push her to talk i know this is my fault but like any tip so i can help her or anything u want to advise someone who date BPD people

@griponfaith

11 ай бұрын

But you are hurting them anyway by pulling away

@thelimetreegardens

9 ай бұрын

This may stem from being emotionally neglected as a child. Have a research on childhood emotional neglect, it’s insightful. ❤

I’ve had four major BPD’s in my life. My mother, my wife, my adopted daughter and my roommate. After many years of therapy I’m no longer attracted to BPD’s. Whew!

@djancak

6 ай бұрын

jesus fucking christ how are you still alive

@juliapanko9192

5 ай бұрын

what was so attractive in BPD woman? did you want to protect them?

@Heathmcdonald

5 ай бұрын

Yes

@user-rh2yj1mh4s

5 ай бұрын

⁠@@juliapanko9192I fell for 3 in a row…. The last one was my fiancée and only three months ago separated from me completely out of the blue after 4 years of being together. I think yes, something about being there for someone who was so damaged, someone who needed me…. This one didn’t damage me as much as the last one who really fckd me around, I think I had Stockholm syndrome for the second one because she was flat out a violent abuser but could be the sweetest thing….

@SuperGerald34

5 ай бұрын

Well hopefully your adopted daughter doesn’t suffer from neglect as it’s not her fault

Ahhh man. Most of this is definitely my wife. I tried so hard to love her, and I’d always be met with trauma and drama in the end. I should of left when she refused treatment, but I was just way in over my head. I feel sad for my wife. In the end, she discarded me and said all kinds of awful things about me. I know she knows it’s not the truth, but I hope she finds the courage to reach out for the treatment she needs someday. Thanks so much for your great perspective on this profile and situation.

@jamesd4267

Жыл бұрын

My sons mom is like this. Comes back. Shows me she wants me. Then days later is very scarce in responding. What was minutes to respond becomes hours. And avoids texts from me or dismisses them. Really saddening.

@RichardTClark396

Жыл бұрын

@@jamesd4267 my wife now cherry picks important emails and Text messages I send her. It’s very frustrating:(

@jamesd4267

Жыл бұрын

@@RichardTClark396 Exactly how it is. I actually asked her to call me and to have a convo to solve any confusion I had. Never called. Even in person after she hugs me and I say, call me when you can so we can talk. Nothing. Then will text me something else to throw off the topic while dismissing the call and ever discussing anything. A hug one day, a walk away the next. Literally even if there were no words exchanged and nothing was different from me on my end. Weird. Jeckyl and Hyde

@apple1234iou

Жыл бұрын

Interesting comment about the phone calls

@KomaTimeKev

Жыл бұрын

Yeah my ex-wife believed her cell phone was for her purposes only. Of course she would never say that and would ALWAYS offer her help to friends and then when they would call, no answer or no call backs. To the point where our friends wives were contacting me on a regular basis to let me know about it. Super frustrating and so happy I don’t have to deal with nonsense like this.

I broke it off. It was a rollercoaster that I couldn't take anymore. Unless they're getting intensive therapy and medication, let them go!

“Or maybe because you DO have some major red flags” is the best part of this video 😂 Love the honesty, Lise. You’re putting some amazing resources out here for men. Thank you!

Another reason ...maybe she got a new favourite person

I’m literally listening to this while my gf is in the kitchen having a BPD episode 😂

A lot of borderlines never attach. Sometimes they get gone quick

Wow! You just described my recent ex, exactly! This video helped me so much just now.. One minute my gf was surprising me that I was going to be a dad and telling me how excited she was to be the mother of my children and then she pulled back the next day ghosting me for 2 weeks.. and when I started to worry and ask what was going on.. she just dumped me over text so abruptly and then says “and I’m not pregnant btw, if that’s what you’re worried about”. To have the love of my life throw me away like garbage when I was always such a good man to her, just tore my heart out.. At least your video gives me some kind of answers or closure of some sort. Thank you 🙏🏼

@The_Prince_Of_Crows

4 ай бұрын

Just know it wasn't you my friend. A normal clear headed person doesn't behave or feel this way. That's what I am learning first hand too. I have been with several women who fit this diagnosis to a t and it used to tear me to pieces. Now I understand that it is a mental illness and that there is really nothing I can do about it. I don't take it personally and I ended the relationship myself because of being mistreated and lied to excessively in the first months. Consider yourself fortunate that you didn't have the child and have this happen after you got into a deeper more complex situation. Good luck my friend and best wishes to you.

I have BPD and i have over 4 years of relationship, everything is exactly like this but I seek for treatment and I am doing pretty well, sometimes my anger take over me a little but I am able to calm down and talk, I hope everyone find the help they need

@Miss_Red_

5 ай бұрын

Well done!! I am in a nearly 8 year relationship. I have been in therapy for 3 years and I have been medicated for a long time. My partner says he sees past the bpd and sees the person under all of that. I am very thankful for him. It's ALOT of work on my side but I do it for myself and us. Having bpd doesn't mean all hope is lost. One just need to want to get better.

@djcurlywurlz9501

17 күн бұрын

The difference here is you are facing your bpd and working on it which I applaud.

@NurseVale33

17 күн бұрын

@@djcurlywurlz9501 it’s very hard 😪 I’ve been suffering a lot bc of this, but I looked for a psychologist to work along with my medicine, I hope I can do it. Thank you so much 🫶🏻

Women are gorgeous but way too complex for me. I am done. My wife separated from me and I went through all of this - and I am fine now. I am a sigma male and I am happy with myself now.

You are doing a really good job on this channel at explaining and categorizing the problems of the entire modern society.

Thank you Lise for tackling this subject. Empathetic men really do get hung out to dry and suffer alone. Your videos have helped shine a light in an abusive part of society which goes unrecognised. One of the mind blowing things I realised after my darling BPD ditched me when she lost her control over me, was not that after 17years I had discovered what BPD was and all the seemingly random events weren't random but when I watched a video that pointed out how I had been attracted to this behaviour from the beginning due to my childhood experiences. My whole life had been like a airport runway for NPDs with no sooner had current one torched me on the way out the next one was lining me up to dock. Now through your research and videos I have been able to break the old cycle and open my life up and let more balanced people in.

@tracyfox466

7 ай бұрын

I’m right there with ya brother!👍🏻 My story to a “T” and now I’m dealing with it concerning my kids. It’s been an exhausting, heartbreaking, and soul crushing journey, but a huge life lesson well learned that’s for sure. I’m just thankful for my faith in God cause I don’t think I would have made it through each day without him.🙏🏻❤️

@LlamaOates

7 ай бұрын

@@tracyfox466 Watch all her videos. You will become black belt in defence against the dark arts. I too have young kid to BPD with NPD mother. We are divorced but I accepted now that I have many years of battling this woman it is just a part of my life so levelling up your skills against it ASAP makes life easier going forward. I am like the Van Helsing of BPD/NPD now

@user-id5re6zk5d

7 ай бұрын

Thank you. Amen. I felt I could never explain this. I still can't. Understanding it and explain ing it are different.

@The_Prince_Of_Crows

4 ай бұрын

As I have learned about BPD I have begun to believe I have been with a bunch too. I never knew there was a name for it but I do now. It used to be so frustrating but now I recognize there is a reason for it and it has nothing to do with me.

@LlamaOates

4 ай бұрын

Still going through court 2 years on now. But to me its just funny to see it in action, I honestly feel sad for her and the people who buy into the alternate reality.

A BPD relationship is one of the worst relationships you can be in . It’s going to hurt the non BPD in the long run as they run off to another partner as fast as lightning without no remorse and regrets.

@jaisonstanley

11 ай бұрын

And they ( BPD ) do it thinking you won't catch wind while you get to a breaking point and all the blame shifting happens to the non BPD. You just know that you were stringed along in their f#$%% lies !

@jamesgraves9858

10 ай бұрын

Yup

@michaelking4578

10 ай бұрын

Bingo.

@sardinitaway3315

8 ай бұрын

I probably have BPD and I regret everything I have done, I deal with the shame and guilt everyday, I decided to not have a partner again since I'm really a crazy pathetic person and I'm afraid to hurt someone again. I feel like I don't deserve to improve, improving myself after everything I've done is disrespectful. If it makes you feel kinda better, I'm sure that person regret what they have done. I hope you can heal and find happiness

@funkymonk542

8 ай бұрын

@@sardinitaway3315 thank you , and it’s not hopeless for you because you’re self aware, there is help for you and I know it can be pricey but there are a lot of books on BPD and too be fair I can’t blame her my ex for everything it’s also my fault, it takes two to tango . I wish you well and please don’t give up , you are special, believe it or not , but you are and you matter to someone. ❤️

....been married for 26 years.....to a covert narc. Never really put 2+2 together until last night when I was looking at various vids on this subject. I'm in a toxic spiral with my wife, and its been a bad relationship for many years now. Kids are now in their 20's and it may be that time.

@mikekeats1804

Ай бұрын

go..I left after 27

My ex-fiance with BPD discarded me because she built resentment towards me for my reactions to her reactive abuse. I got fully codependent and gave everything to her from myself, but she still blamed me for everything.

@wonderingwanderer6961

8 ай бұрын

Same my bro. We both deserve better. Codependency sucks. Gotta fix that within ourselves. Otherwise we’re a magnet to vampires.

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

Lack of boundaries is not healthy. Not blaming just saying. Recalibrate. Regain your own sense of self. Break the trauma bond. Codependency is never a positive route to take.

@wonderingwanderer6961

7 ай бұрын

@@sunbeam9222 true, and sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know until life shows us. We’re breaking patterns. 💪💪💪

@heythere6983

5 ай бұрын

Honestly women in the dating scene all seem off the charts unfair . Men across the board are critiquing female behavior and are trying to teach men to be narcissists to deal with women. The whole dating scene sucks . I think that’s y I fell for a girl with bpd. Bc atleast she was loving and passionate at times , whereas the “normal” ones weren’t animated and just bland and still problematic But with less passion to them. The bpd girl I knew wasn’t loud or physical , but she was so hot and cold/unfair/and dishonest . But then I look at other women and they have the same traits anyways

After many years of the push-pull cycle, literally with extensive out of town stays for the greater part of the last 3-4 years with her non resident daughter, she wrote on a recent birthday card to me, “I will always love you”. Confused I asked what that meant for someone who’s been avoiding the object of her “love”. Her feeble attempts to explain sounded like throwing everything but the kitchen sink at me to justify or rationalize her behavior. I countered by challenging her to name one vice (excessive drunkenness, illegal drugs, infidelity or abuse) that I could be guilty of and she gave the excuse that we sometimes argue. Tell me, which human relationship exists without disagreements and occasional arguments (parent-child, sibling-sibling, couples, etc). My defense was met with a blank stare and silence. Reflecting on her note, I’m inclined to believe that she views our “loving” relationship through an historical lens.

I dated a BPD for 2 yrs. It was so painful to go through the pull away phase. I felt powerless. She really got in my head, and I still think about her often. She groomed me to be hooked on her. She started hooking up with random guys from dating apps, so I had to bail.

It’s like my life was scripted and you realize reading the script. Thank you Lise stay healthy and safe inside your body 😉🤙🏼

@user-id5re6zk5d

5 ай бұрын

I thought Lise could have said my name and Listen up at the beginning of each video!! My healing has also rested in my faith 🙏.

@GumbyTheGreen1

2 ай бұрын

“Stay healthy and safe inside your body”? What does that mean? Seems like a really strange thing to say.

She did this constantly maybe even weekly, I never knew whether we were on or off and felt absolutely zero security in the relationship. Still not sure if she was NPD BPD or both or something worse. She was majorly toxic and incredibly manipulative, unfortunately she was also beautiful.

@jimig399

11 ай бұрын

They always are.😢😂 So sad.

@JohnSmith-wo7ns

11 ай бұрын

@@jimig399 👍🥺🤣

When there’s a disagreement, someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me... So I engage in any and every disagreement in a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me, never ends up being me! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose a part of myself. Radical honesty only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways.

5 years I questioned why my ex behaved the way she did. I had no idea that it was BPD and how extreme it was. I was so naive and I wished I had known about it before. I wish her therapist friend had warned me!! It destroyed me emotionally and physically! Never again!!

@heythere6983

5 ай бұрын

So she knew and had a therapist and no one warned you ?

@AdamDocker

5 ай бұрын

@@heythere6983 her friend blamed my (very normal) attachment style and not her abuse, even though she witnessed the breakdowns, self harming, attacks and rages…i had turned to for support as i couldn’t understand these erratic behaviours and she had known her since they were kids. So i assumed she would have known!

@AdamDocker

5 ай бұрын

@@heythere6983 it wasn’t her therapist. Her best friend was a therapist

My recent ex was and still is the only woman I have ever seen a future with. My son and her two children got along great, and we were one big happy family for the most part. She was abused growing up and her ex before me had done the same to her. She has BPD, and has thrown me away many times when she has an episode, only to try and win me back a week or so later. I know she loves me, i can feel it when we're together. But this happens so much now that i am forced to walk away for good this time, I hate this, i miss her so much and would kill to have her by my side forever. I need to put myself first and my son. But this is one of the most painful feelings ive ever felt, so seeing this video is helpful, although it sucks to realise it has to be over. If you love someone with BPD and they keep hurting you, you need to let them go before you destroy each other. I feel for anyone who is suffering with this horrible disease.

The hardest part for me was not realizing she hit the discard stage after 13 years of leaving and returning... I honestly spent years thinking she'd return again someday. I had a habit of counting the days away when she'd run off to her mom's house, and I know she's not coming back this time, but few people know what it's like to count to 3,000 days. I still love them, but I have moved on now, and I just hoping to they are getting help.

@princhipessa1969

Жыл бұрын

Good for you for moving on. I wish I could. What helped you move on? I’ve known and been with my now ex again for many many years.

@joshuayocham3774

Жыл бұрын

@@princhipessa1969 Honestly, it helps not having them around. Move away if you can. For me, the biggest help was after my best friend passed away... I didn't even mourn his death right away because the very first thought was "she's going to reach out!". How messed up is that? Eventually (I'm talking weeks later) it all hit me and I was forced to mourn, not just the loss of my best friend,but BOTH of them. Mourning the living is nearly the same as mourning the dead, especially when there's no communication from either. It's lonesome, and I would be a liar if I said I don't still think about them daily... but this is the world I must live in, and getting back out there and continuing to live again is really the best choice to make. Hope you find your path again, hope your feet feel light and I hope you find yourself dancing in the supermarket. Best of luck, you have my condolences.

@princhipessa1969

Жыл бұрын

@@joshuayocham3774 thank you very much for your reply and I’m very sorry for the loss you have gone through. I live 7 minutes from her in a small town. I just bought my own place and she’s incredibly jealous & angry that I chose not to live with her (I tried! 😵‍💫). We don’t see each other & she’s cut me off so safe to say we aren’t in each other’s orbit. I’m glad you were able to separate and I hope I can pretend she’s no longer with us …. To Mourn her. 🙏🏻

@joshuayocham3774

Жыл бұрын

You got this. It isn't easy, but I know you can bounce back. I just saw your original post about buying a place, and although I know I don't have the whole picture, but I know if I insert myself into that scenario I don't doubt for a second my exwife would be furious over happy for me. I can tell you with certainty that she'd be secretly jealous of me pulling that off by myself, and wouldn't admit to said jealousy till they were drunk and looking to hurt me... I can literally hear her tone as she'd say "your place". Fuck it sweetie. I'm proud as hell for you. That's no small task you pulled off. YOU did that. YOU are a beast of willpower/ perseverance and luck. I'd bet good money that your ex is jealous/insecure of seeing what you can do without her. I'd bet more money that your next steps in this life is going to have the same effect on them. Don't feel shame for being magnificent, I did that for far too long. You have a good heart, otherwise you wouldn't feel this way about things... don't you think that heart should belong to someone who actually deserves it? I recommend you deliver it to yourself first, and wait for someone who can actually tend for that heart as well as you have tended your own. You got this! I believe in you!

@princhipessa1969

Жыл бұрын

@@joshuayocham3774 what a sweet comment, thank you 🙏🏻 yes, she is absolutely more jealous than happy for me. To her, I did t include her in this but we weren’t even talking for 7 months when I put this plan in motion; when we reconnected for 3 months there was zero talk we were “partners” she just kinda threw me back in as GF role without asking me how I felt about 7 months she was off with a rebound. Now she hates me again. You’re right, I absolutely should be finding someone who deserves my level of love or just stay alone as I’m quite capable of …. If it were that easy though … you know how difficult it is! I just need to laugh at her punishments and immaturity and move forward. I know that will anger her the most. I’ll love her from afar while she tortures another pour soul. Thank you, thank you … the motivation & support I get from strangers help me more than my closest friends. I wish you well on your continued journey to healing. I know we’ll never not think of them but maybe we can think of ourselves just a little more ☺️

The day my ex broke up with me she literally told me a few hours before hand that the newness of our relationship was wearing off 🙄

Going through the pain of the push pull right now. Thank you for making this video.

@matthewholly4732

4 ай бұрын

I feel you

@breadgarlichouse

4 ай бұрын

Having the same now with a girl i know for 2 weeks now. Our first date was very nice, we had great chemistry and all went sooo smooth. I saw her now 5 times. The last 2 times went different. She told me about her depression and feeling of emptiness and negative thoughts. She told about her traumas and all the things she went through. I understand her feelings and reactions fully, because I had too a lot of stuff where I had to go through. I started liking her a lot. But it is so hard for her to open up and feel safe. When trying to openly communicate she closes up and gets annoyed.... Today I asked her about how she is feeling etc. She said she does'nt really think that we fit together backed up with all the arguments and reasoning. I think the reasons were just because she can't open up and communicate openly. But after the conversation(in whatsapp) I thought she does'nt wanna go on. So I asked her if she still interested in me. Then she said: ''I never said that''. Naah that is true, but the way you were talking to me it def felt like it. So she gotten very annoyed and said that we will talk about it later on..... It is sooo fucking hard to date a woman/girl like that. I genuinly like her a lot and see all the potential she has. But she just had sooo much stuff she had endure in her early life.

Your insight, intuition and intellect are truly amazing. Sometimes I feel you are the only one who gets this. Thanks for verbalizing and validating our disordered version of love.

@bartlaw1074

Жыл бұрын

I totally feel the same way she is the only one Who truly understands the root cause… very eye opening I had to sit still for a moment after watch this video… I’m grateful that she posted this

RUN!

I love Lise. She explains these disorders at a level that makes so much sense.

For me it stemmed from wanting love but being afraid of being trapped, consumed, completely losing myself, engulfed in a relationship that may be a wrong choice down the line. I never knew that I had bpd but I knew something was off from my teens. I didn't want to accept that I had a personality disorder but my mind will tell me danger when intimacy deepens because since childhood the people who were supposed to love me abused me; physically, emotionally, neglected me and also sexually abused me from some. So I split because of the cognitive dissonance of the people who loved me but treated me wrong which I have been healing from.

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

Thank you. It's exactly what my ex expressed. Every time intimacy deepened fears took over and he would act out. I could see he was making huge efforts to not fall in the trap but it became too hard for him and he ran saying it was easier to be alone. I get that, and have plenty affection and compassion for him still. Wishing you all the best.

@bluestripes6037

5 ай бұрын

This. And I haven't been checked for BPD but the sensation that smothering/entrapment is coming is scary because I genuinely can't fulky/90% trust people

My partner would never have admitted to seeing a therapist - the way she let me know was to leave a letter with just the letterhead showing. Her secret messages touched me deep down and kept me on track through the chaos - like Ariadne's thread. She passed away not long ago - im still unraveling the clues she left me.

Hi Lise. Well, I've had enough. My Ex GF covert caused me to have a seizure. They really aren't good for you. Despite the fact that I did love her, well the reflection of what I thought was love. Happy Christmas to you all from the UK ❤️

My husband had BPD and he was physically violent. He moved out of our bedroom and for 3 weeks at a time wouldn't speak, eat, or acknowledge anything was wrong with him. He push and pulled me to the point that I was physically sick with migraines for the entire time I was with him. He refused to get help.

@monurajput5608

4 ай бұрын

They're really some stupid fucks creating normal peoples lives hell.

Wow you’ve described my relationship with my wife. We have been married for 38 years she is finally getting treatment. She has BPD, clinical anxiety, depression and is an alcoholic. For the first 20 years of our marriage we went through the cycle of adoration and hatred over and over. One minute I was her hero and the next she hated me and I had ruined her life. My solution was to pull away from her emotionally. We stayed married for our children but basically lived together like roommates not as a couple.

I was in a relationship with someone who had bpd and had been treated. I feel like she monkey branched to a new relationship. I was so caught off guard. According to her I had made her feel the safest she had ever felt, and she said I did nothing to make this happen, but her and this other person just clicked.

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

Happens all the time. She resonated better with toxic. Consider yourself lucky.

@yorkshiremgtow1773

6 ай бұрын

​@@sunbeam9222This is true. My ex-BPD girlfriend told me how toxic her decade-long relationship was.. yet she stayed with him all that time. Me, I was nothing but nice to her, and she quickly discarded me.

@californiaslastgasp6847

16 күн бұрын

Same. My BPD gf wrote a nice letter to me about how she can’t imagine life without me. Fast forward one month later, she dumps me and one month after that she is posting pics of flowers some man have her. I didn’t know she had BPD until she devalued and discarded me. Perhaps I am fortunate (it doesn’t feel that way now).

This sounds so much like my current bf I am close to tears. I also understand that paranoia is a common personality trait with BPD - that's also prevalent as well.

The Woman i tried so hard to have a proper relationship with, was a PhD in Psychology, TRUE ! but instead, SHE had a BPD & NPD in Psychopathy !!!

@stuartholtzclaw8853

2 ай бұрын

Been there. Exactly same. 13 years invested. Learned alot, esp with online resources in past few months.. Discarded for a new flashy and younger supply. Breaking the trauma bond was very painful.

Yeah it sucks they didn't really love you BUT on the flip side, you can still acknowledge you're a great person regardless of them. And its not like you aren't special to them but someone else is. They take in everyone the same bad way. Don't expect a snake to bite you but not someone else.

BPD is so complex and scary sometimes. No matter how much medication a person is prescribed, these symptoms are always there, the circles of emotions, the thoughts etc. Therapy is a must for BPD. I was reading recently the side effects of these pills (e.g Lamotrigine, Quetiapine, Sertraline & Terbinafine) and some of them make the symptoms worse, like getting easily irritated or bringing mania-like phases... I wonder, what's the approach for healing such an illness, because logic doesn't seem to work on people suffering from BPD. Love doesn't do much either, because they feel unworthy or they might think you are faking it to control them, thus they push you away again. Honesty sounds too judgemental. Medication mutes some symptoms and increases others. Even people after years of therapy confess that they still have the symptoms and they're trying to control them. What is the neurological side of BPD? Is there something missing after so many childhood traumatic experiences? Is there part of the brain mis-fuctioning and can be solved with surgery?

@aktywnyobserwator5868

7 ай бұрын

Very good comment, thanks bro ! Ultimately say : prana flow disturbed, caused by psychic attacks ( Entities, ghosts or at least negative energy thought patterns ) ? So something coming from 'hidden reality', this is w h y official "drugs" will only supress the symptoms : but , sadly, add sid eeffects. I deal with esoterics, Eastern spirituality, do some energy work, divination and i've been in relationships with at least two highly sensitive or bpd woman in this lifetime...

@bonitobonita9263

5 ай бұрын

It’s how their brains wired( how their chemicals in brain work differently from regular brain)

I am SO SO glad I found your channel. I’m far from perfect, but these videos describe my most recent relationship and explain so much and helps me recover.

Fascinating to read these messages, coherent and well written by long suffering, good, caring men. The painful lesson from my nightmare is don’t try to be a white knight, you can’t cure her, get out as soon as you can before it destroys you and wastes years of your life. The hard fact is, you cannot win or cure a BPD woman . It’s as simple as that gentlemen. Thank you so much Lise, I found your work by accident, sadly after I needed it most, but it was nevertheless extremely valuable to me, as it is to everyone else here.

That last part can also be reactive abuse from trying to make it work for a long time with a covert narcissist and the crazy making they do to you. If you start feeling that way, just like being with a borderline, get away from them before you start picking up narcissist fleas. It’s almost like trying to be “made” into a vampire like they are, especially if you fell into a relationship with one when you were a relatively normal person in the beginning. Just get the heck away from all cluster Bs if you can.

@sunbeam9222

7 ай бұрын

I think some people are quick to disregard their own lack of judgement. Considering it's pretty normal to keep trying to fix a relationship that has already turned toxic. And put blame on the other party because they can't see anything wrong with their own. We're all pretty normal until someone brings mirror our unhealed parts to us, doesn't mean they created them, they just brought them to surface. We are responsible for making clear judgement of a situation. We cannot willingly keep participating and take no responsibility for it ourselves. It takes 2 to trauma bond. It's not because we cannot see our own trauma ( yet) that they don't exist. Codependency and people pleasing is not healthy either.

Some do it a defensive measure to abandonment, precieved or not.. others to see if you will cross that boundary to get them. Immature mind games. Or just so emotionally damaged don't know any different.

So glad I found you! Having gone through this for over two years, I can attest that everything you say is spot on! Thank you!

Best just running from the insanity

My recent relationship broke in one of those push pull cycles. She was already searching for help, but couldn't get help in time. It really only were a couple of healthy push pulls in the beginning but in the end the entire existance of the relationship was questioned. She felt that she is addicted to me and that she cannot have a healthy relationship at the moment. So she ended our relationship. After all it was a good decision because with my fear of loos it was really hard to get anything positive from that relationship.

Spot on. Thank you, again. All of these things do not excuse abuse though.

I'm doomed. I know this will be me in a relationship. Describing me in some of my friendships. Best to not do anything right now, because I'm a mess and can't hurt anyone with my delusional brain.

@Bucephalus84

6 ай бұрын

Alienating yourself from your most basic need only makes you cannibalize yourself from the inside. FIND JESUS, he is the missing piece to the missing piece.

@adrianaloborec2205

3 ай бұрын

Don't give up on yourself, but do seek therapy and stay committed to it.

Thank you for making this video ! ! ! I just got out of a relationship with someone with BPD. This video describes it almost exactly. We went round and round for 9 months. I felt like I was going crazy at the end because of her behavior. I pray that God will help anbody dealing with this or experiencing it.

“When an opponent comes forward, move in and greet him; if he wants to pull back, send him on his way.” Morihei Ueshiba “Though I’ll still live on; the thrill is gone”

I begged my wife to go to marriage counseling with me - she was adamant “never going” I believe she was out the door at that point and I just hadn’t caught on

Lise has really helped me to understand and process what I just went through.

So long end of the short its. ITS A ….ing NIGHTMARE! Lol

From a man who wasted his entire youth with a woman with bpd. Run, just run away, the sooner the better. Don't waste your life. Don't let yourself get infected with this curse. Spent 28 years experiencing this horror. From an 18 year old naive and trusting boy to a thoroughly broken 45 year old middle aged man. Don't waste your time. Don't try to understand, bend or feel sympathy for individuals in this coven of madness.

@engineerce1511

5 ай бұрын

🤐🤐🤐 really....? Even tho we gave all the love to them nd with all restrictions??

@user-gj5vt2ye9n

5 ай бұрын

@engineerce1511 It was real. She was everything to me. First met her when I was twelve, I a crush on her right away. She was related to some neighbors of mine. I would only see her a few times a year, when they would visit.I moved from that house soon after. By chance, I ran into her when we were a bit more grown up. (It felt like that then). She was even more beautiful. And she remembered me. We started keeping in touch and eventually started dating. Relationship grew, and I felt I was such a lucky guy. I got my real life Winnie Cooper. We stayed together, got married, bought our home, and had a family. 5 children, to be precise. There was no dought we would be together forever. She would get emotional sometimes. Early on I thought maybe her critique was valid. So I tried harder to make her happy. And that went on for so many years. The joy I felt when we were happy was more than enough to outweigh the hard times. But those happy times kept becoming less and less. Eventually, it felt like none. Started getting bad about 8 years ago. And kept progressing. I held on to hope. Cried alone so much. About 4 years a few good and honest friends told me I needed to get out. But I couldn't. About a year ago I asked our adult daughter for her honest answer. She is 23, has a degree in psychology and is getting her masters. Her answer was her mother will never be happy. And that she i needed to get out for the sake of my health. It hurt hearing it from our daughter. With even more pain I finally felt I could survive without her. One day during an argument I told her we shouldnt be together anymore. About 6 weeks later I was in jail arrested for felony child endangerment. Luckily I didn't get charged. Now i hopefully I will next week against the domestic violence restraing order she placed on me. Then I have to deal with the divorce and child support cases where she is asking for full custody of the children. And I have zero time given to me with them. She is trying to max out the child support and spousal support. Oh, and the arrest and restraining order are simply from false allegations. Thais how far they can go. And worse under the right circumstances. What I felt was real. The love she received from me was sincere, genuine, and from my heart. But "she" never really existed.

@Zegum69

Ай бұрын

@@user-gj5vt2ye9n thanks for sharing, I wish you the best, take care ❤

I need really open communication and lots of reassurance to feel comfortable in relationships. I also need to know that I can trust them and are always going to have each other’s best interest at heart. Also to feel listened to and seen. Okay I didn’t think I was gonna say that many things

These kind of problems are no longer in my life but these are excellent videos which I'd definately appreciate back in the day

My God, the last few minutes are absolutely spot on.. I have no idea why kind of person I have been involved with, I just know it was a mind F and unbelievably not what I signed up for or expected from how the beginning of the relationship started... whew...

I'm so grateful I discovered you and your channel

Tremendous clarity here

Tbh it seems someone tells you all you need to know about themselves through exhibiting outwardly what goes on inwardly. The question is: are we genuinely prepared to look at it. Assess it. And decide what to do with it? Or are we prepared to overlook some aspects because we're more eager to take part in the fantasy? What is our own relationship wirh reality?

Lisa, once again another good video. I like how you get straight to the point.

Thank you for this information! This is very helpful.

One of your best videos. Thank you.

Well spoken and compassionate scenarios sink in to all the important places . Much gratitude

Thank you. This helps me understand so much about the dynamics that have caused me pain. I deserve more.

Excellent video that sums it all up. I truly appreciate it thank you so much😊

After 15 years of push and pull, with multiple threats of a breakup, i finally took her on her word and left. But as expected, she tries convincing me that i never were invested in the relationship and everything is my fault. I finally found therapy ( asked her to join me, or go by herself.) But i would recommend it for anyone who has the same concerns about your spouse.

brilliant - your insights/observations are on point

Have been on many channels , must say Lisa you ve got this down to the T. Most valuable video today

Thanks for the video's!! On point!

Another amazing video!

Great info and specificity!

This was a very enlightening and educational video... thank you. Extremely helpful in my recovery. Thank you!!

This sums up my last gf. The validation from this video is worth it’s weight in gold. Thank you Lisa!

These videos feel like they're about me. It's completely surreal how these reflect my experience with a person who told me they had been diagnosed with bpd by psychiatrists but didn't believe them. Really eye opening and has helped me begin to realize there's nothing wrong with me. It's also helped me harbor less resentment toward this person, despite their denial of their diagnosis.

@rosariocannistraro3561

4 ай бұрын

The love of my life did that said her psych said she probably had BPD then later on it was complete denial , Push/pull/ghost /you're my soulmate love of my life / having crushes on other dudes / push and pull ...years of this and I was finally discarded for good and it utterly shattered me inside and I've never healed and probably never will .

Thank you Lise 😢

Where havd you been my whole life?😊😊😊 thank youuuu

Lisa, I don't get tired of watching your channel. When I get done watching I feel like I went to therapy. It's amazing what I'm learning. Thank you.

Very helpful, succinct, spot on, thank you.

Thank you 😮 very helpful content ❤

0:34 that's why we love you, lise

Very interesting video Lise, thank you. I recently went on a date with a girl that came out herself and told me about her BPD. I didnt think much of it, I knew the basics - but not very much in depth of what I was getting into, so I gave it a chance, but shortly ran into some issues I have never met with a partner before, you have just answered a lot of my questions here.. thank you for that.

Your videos are extremely helpful, as you said, there is not much help out there for men. I really appreciate it.

Thank you very informative and useful content in this video Your help me understand alot of things with my relation with a borderline friend

Great stuff, wonderful presentation, stay at it your KZread well keep growing.

Another great video, thank you 👏👏 I think this one applies? Your lifestyles are in very different strata (retired or wealthy vs working) and/or your level of self-reliance so vastly different the other person can’t imagine or believe how much more busy you legitimately are (to support yourself, your home, and likely other friends and family (as a technical resource etc)) - point being a disparity of “attention in demand” so diametrically opposed it seems hyperbole when explained, and push/pull dynamics arise out of mistaken perceptions, especially if you live more than a few miles apart (undermining direct observation) and/or have some amount of a language barrier (undermining anything outside of direct observation). As counterpoint, I think pretty much everyone on the planet needs to arrive at conclusions less easily (scientists in general already get this correct), so there’s that to suggest to the skeptic, tho I haven’t had much luck getting others to stop slamming the conclusion door :/ (in any context, not just relationship matters)

Oh my gosh, this is exactly my ex bf that just left. 😮 I kept trying to make sense of the sudden breakup and confusing decisions. We were good but he suddenly became a different person. After 2 years I think I finally see it. It's sad because he's undiagnosed and doesn't want to talk to anyone. 😢

Thank you for the enlightenment. For years I struggled and have longed for clarity to the point of having been traumatized by the endless question of what the heck has been happening. Sad that there is no clearcut solution to end this and have to accept my fate in the years to come. It pains.😢

I just started a relationship with someone with BPD and the more I read into this the more terrified I get. We have been seeing each other for a short time (known each other for years) and I feel like we we’re getting close within the first few weeks then it seems like she is distant. Even though she tells me how much she enjoys being around me. I’m starting to really like her, but I have never been so unsure with someone’s words vs. actions in my life. Everything seems to have to be about her or nothing as well. My opinion, thoughts, etc don’t seem to matter to her unless it aligns with her needs/wants. Is this something I did or is it part of her illness? Do they tend to have narcissistic characteristics as well?

@wonderingwanderer6961

8 ай бұрын

In my experience, yes, most definitely. She needs therapy or you need to walk. It doesn’t get better.

@Liz-dragon-street.

6 ай бұрын

Walk away ... i am a bpd woman and trust me this is just the beginning. Dont doubt on yourself ❤ you need 2 let go asap! If she doesn't get the treatment it will go down hill from now on. And the fact you already asking if it is somerging you did?? Nah, we all do things but with a bpd person it is always you, even if she feels guilt, its not guilt about what she did 2 you but how she sees herself sometimes.... Run My ex husband is still crying, we beoke up 4 years ago, i broke his spirit. The man afther that is broken... The man before that still telling around they felt lost afther me and during me. I am not proud, i am not, i am also a victim but i work on myself now without relationship because i can not never ever hurt a person NO more! Scary thing is... if my ex cries and tell me he loves me, i still think, yeah yeah whatvis in it for you that you want me back .. cause it cant be me, i dont believe a person can love me!!! We BPD'rs are a problem

@NaegolGollum

5 ай бұрын

​@@Liz-dragon-street.Yep a male with BPD here and i Hurt everyone in a relationship. Sometimes i walked off believing for years the other person was a bad person, before i understood i have BPD and just got a trauma triggered by something. This is so Hard as i would have wanted children but cant stand a regular relationship. Without any negative load in this i must say im preparing to off myself in 10-15 years but ill try My best to work this out first. Just quut all the substances and trying to work routines and stuff.

@Liz-dragon-street.

5 ай бұрын

💚🙏

@heythere6983

5 ай бұрын

@NaegolGollum Just seek treatment I heard bpd is a disorder than can be almost cured fully . So there is hope , also seek God. Tbh idk what to say but Iv heard people claim narcissists went to deliverance ministries and had spirits removed from them and cured , idk if it’s the same for bpd. But either way you can heal, whether it’s spiritual or just physical .

Oh Lise, thank you so much for this video. After two full months, I'm STILL getting over my ex-girlfriend of nearly two years, who was a highly-manipulative, covert narcissist. After only 5 weeks, she is already sleeping with someone else and she's my NEIGHBOR. Ugh.

@GregorioVazquezJr

Жыл бұрын

I'm curious when people put this timer on their ex, what would be an acceptable timeframe for her to wait before setting up another victim?