Thank you so much for this. I have a client who I'm sensing is experiencing some erotic transference and while I've been able to address it in the past with other clients, this particular case is different, more intense and I think it takes a very experienced and secure therapist to explore the specifics of the fantasies with their client.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

2 жыл бұрын

And yet it is our responsibility to address all the feelings and impulses that get triggered. The only way to get confident in such matters is to practice! We only get confident after the fact. If you are too anxious to address the feelings coming up, get some supervision and support.

Really enjoy all these videos!! I’ve seen them all and they help me a lot in my work😊

Hi Patricia I would like to thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience! I am at the beginning of my way as a psychotherapist and I really enjoy watching your videos. Thank you again.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

My pleasure!

Thank you doctor Coughlin for sharing your knowledge and experience.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

9 ай бұрын

my pleasure

Very helpful indeed, thankyou.

Great video! I’d love to hear more on this topic. I tend to struggle with one thing or the extreme. I hate my therapist and they make me very uncomfortable, or I find I get very obsessed and want to be around them

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

2 жыл бұрын

Do you have a specific question? It sounds as if a lot of strong feelings come up for you in the therapeutic relationship. You need a therapist who is skillful in dealing with those very directly so you can discover what you are repeating.

My psychologist had nude photos on a public Yahoo group from Burning Man and I think this actually caused a kind of transference from abuse in the past. The problem is she saw nothing wrong with having allowed photos to be public. It’s lead to an awkward therapy and I can’t talk about it.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

4 ай бұрын

I believe this is a reportable offense. You should contact your state's professional licensing board.

@christinecamley

4 ай бұрын

Thank you. I am in Canada but I will look into the province college of psychologists. I feel awful. I went for a consult to a psychologist and she didn’t believe a psychologist would allow or do such a thing. She’s very naive and it was harmful that she didn’t validate at all. I appreciate your response. Be well.

Great video! Thank you

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

2 жыл бұрын

Glad they are helpful.

Thank you

Thank you for sharing this experience. I'd be interested in knowing how it was for you to receive this info, and go through it, with your patient. Thank you.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

6 ай бұрын

Since these are transference feelings, I don't take them personally and am delighted when patients gain access to the unconscious forces that have been running their life.

Really interesting, thanks. Can you recommend any lay person reading on this?

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

2 жыл бұрын

Could you be more specific? What exactly are you interested in reading about and understanding better?

I just discovered your channel, and I appreciate you posting about this. I (female 25) have identified that I'm doing some transference towards my therapist (male 45). I experienced this by having sexual dreams about him shortly after we we started therapy. (little over a year ago) I never took this too seriously, and thought it was just a healthy physical atraction towards this person and that I had no expectations from it. It honestly haven't interfered with my sessions. Recently I was able to open up and disclose a sexual abuse experience and have been able to continue to work on my healing. My question is, if I don't have a goal in mind for this conversation, or if I don't see it affecting my therapeutic process, should I still address and disclose this? Thanks!!

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

Any and all feelings and fantasies, including dreams, about your therapist are important. This is your unconscious speaking. Your conscious mind doesn't see anything significant but your unconscious is trying to tell you something. Why withhold it?

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

Was it just one dream early on or have they repeated.

@RobbinJane

Жыл бұрын

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852Ph.D. Thank you for your reply. I had multiple dreams initially. I haven't experienced them recently.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

Ultimately it's up to you. Just wonder why you would withhold this information, as anything withheld will eventually become a barrier.

Currently working with a therapist and I have been experiencing strong physical attraction since the beginning of our therapy which causes me to shut down and not express emotion in session because I have a feeling that if I express my emotions that it will cause emotional closeness and make me fall in love with the therapist, which I’m actively defending against. Also it feels painful to develop these feelings for an unavailable person as these romantic feelings can obviously not be returned for ethical reasons. I have told the therapist about my attraction and she told me she wants to continue therapy with me despite the attraction, but this revelation has only grown my attraction more which makes me want to shut down even more. Would it be better to work with a different therapist or is this a case of transference as I do not know anything about the therapist and her personal life?

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

These feelings need to be examined. As you say, you are falling for someone who is unavailable. Is that a pattern? You are not going to have what you want, so that will stir up other feelings as well. Is your therapist inviting you to explore these feelings? If not, they just fester.

@juliev7135

Жыл бұрын

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852 Thank you for your response. I notice there is a pattern of shutting down and creating distance when I am attracted to someone, but at the same time having obsessive thoughts and longing for them even though I am actively pushing them away. This is exactly what's happening again with this therapist. Unfortunately we haven't truly gotten to the bottom of what's happening in my behavior in the transference, because the therapist thinks that I just have a hard time getting in touch with my feelings in general. I know the conflict is in the transference specifically towards her, because I usually don't have a hard time accessing feelings. I'm assuming it's best to explain to her that it specifically has to do with her - or people I'm attracted to in general? I just have a fear that she will terminate if I tell her that I shut down in therapy because of these feelings I have for her, as it gets in the way of actually doing therapy.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

​@@juliev7135 . Bring it up and see is she can help you get to the bottom of it. If not, you may well decide to look elsewhere for help.

Hello Patricia! Very good explanation to me! I got some questions that I hope isnt to hard for you to answer. How does it come to those conclusions that its almost always the parents that make them feel these emotions? Couldnt it be that the "patient" just have some lack of knowledge and sense of playing along with the moment? And is the "transference" how you tell whats "wrong" what they "think" of themselves? Kind regards!

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

2 жыл бұрын

I'm not sure I understand your question. Parent's (or anyone for that matter) can't MAKE some feel anything. Not sure what you were referring to there. I don't understand the last question either. We invite feelings coming up toward us and then see if there is a transfer to others from the past. It is best not to assume but to assess and discover, via the dynamic process, What is emerging.

@michaelorbom3066

2 жыл бұрын

of course anyone can feel anythng from anyone. This requires lot of text :) There are soo many different explanations on youtube and with what ive read about transference and especially sexuality. The thread i want to close is that it usually stems from the subjects unresolved issues from parents, where others on youtube referring to, in sexual transference. Why does it "have" to stem from the parents, so often described? In a case I know, theres a really strong connection between subject and the therapist, where sometimes its fire between, just like in a intense romance. They both are quite the same mentally and emotionally with pretty similar thoughts but a difference in age of +10 years, and has no relation or red thread what so ever to any of this subjects parents. What I want to know is that, regarding to my first question, how come its so usual with referring to ones parents or is it what emerges and how the subjects links to a "blocking feeling" to do a thing the subjects want to act upon? Second question wich relates to the first. IF the subject and therapist really like each other, strong sexual transference, but therapist is inhibited due to therapists "ethics", how should this sequence be handled? If neglecting subject in these terms could it be bad for the subject? Kind regards and thank you for taking your time!

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

2 жыл бұрын

@@michaelorbom3066 As you suggest, it doesn't have to be in relation to parents - could be a sibling, uncle,neighbor or teacher. The task to find out!

@lenavoyles526

Жыл бұрын

So if a person feels nervous about expressing attraction, that’s always proof that the attraction is transference and not genuine feelings of attraction?

@michaelorbom3066

Жыл бұрын

@@lenavoyles526 very good question! That seems to be a probable cause :)

woah that went deep. the human brain is odd

hi Patricia, thanks for your video. Kindly help solve this riddle. Think of this one person whom you have had an interaction with. Be immediate with this person with a view to instituting the kind of dialogue that would help the two of you grapple with the issue that concerns you. Your immediacy statement should include: a) Self-disclosure on your part (the issue and how it is affecting you) b) Some indication of how you are contributing to the difficulty c) Some kind of concrete challenges in the form of advanced empathy or confrontation, and d) An invitation to the other to engage in dialogue with you on this issue I await your kind imput

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

I am not sure I understand your comment or question. I am specially speaking to therapists about clinical issues. Sounds like you have a general question about a dialogue between two people that is beyond the scope of this channel.

This is very helpful. I'm in the middle of doing a reflective essay and i chose immediacy and the concerns and apprehension i would have in dealing with transference and a clients romantic feelings towards me. This is something i need to address and work on throughout my degree as it does cause me apprehension.

Wow, so awkward. God bless therapists... For being willing to put up with that

@lenavoyles526

Жыл бұрын

Something about the idea that therapists “put up with” the deep seated vulnerabilities that their patients somehow work up the courage to share just turned my stomach.

How can I ask you a question?

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

3 жыл бұрын

Feel free to ask what you like and I will do my best to get back to you.

Hey Patricia. I tried to look at the other videos so I apologize if you covered this elsewhere. Regarding the erotic transference and portrayal reference in this video. Have you had any experience where the patient expresses positive feelings in the erotic transference but they involve masochistic impulses? Would one follow the same intervention towards portrayal and then find the link in the TCP? Thank you.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

Could you be more specific?What do you mean by masochistic impulses?

@Bo-ce3dx

Жыл бұрын

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852 hypothetical scenario: Pt tells you they are having positive feelings after you point out the tactical defense like you did in the video. Once you get to the positive feelings they involved erotic transference but rather than wanting to engage in a typical manner that's such sexual gratification from portraying the sexual impulses as described in the video involving a sitting position between the Pt & Th. The PT describes masochistic impulses via Th onto Pt. Do we still Cipher and through this to get to the link in the Triangle of person? Perhaps this is contraindicated as this may just be another form of character def via self attack by way of masochistic impulses?

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

@@Bo-ce3dx When patients say they have positive feelings about having defenses pointed out, I don't usually explore that. Rather, I look for mixed feelings. Patients are both most often grateful but irritated about having defenses confronted. Since your patient was likely angry, as well as grateful, but that feeling wasn't experienced, something went awry. From what I understand, the patient went to self punishment rather than experiencing guilt about mixed feelings toward the therapist. Remember, self punishment - or seeking punishment from others - is a defense agains the experience of guilt. Don Carveth wrote an excellent paper on this vital distinction. www.yorku.ca/dcarveth/guilt.pdf

@Bo-ce3dx

Жыл бұрын

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852 Thanks for sticking in there with me on clarifying this. Sorry about the vagueness. Public domain and all. I think what you wrote about in your last comment appears to apply but wanted to give you a hypothetical scenario similar to what you described in video. Just to ensure I'm communicating a more clear example. The follow up questions are at the end. Th-(Notices Pt expressing feeling of appreciation for gains made but all of sudden a shift happens P-I feel better and more confident.....Uhm, I (avoids eye contact-tactical defense). Th- It seems as if there is more feeling in there? P: Uhm I uhm, well I'm having good feelings towards you but I'm not sure these other feelings they may not be appropriate. Pt goes on to talk about erotic feelings towards Th. Therapist explores transference helping express positive feelings. Pt begins discussing standard sexual feelings as you described-what they may do to Th in the fantasy of the erotic transference (e.g. like the sitting position in the video) but then Pt shifts to imagining shifting roles where there are no longer doing but receiving in a masochistic manner. No known hx of actively doing this in adult relations, that is a pattern of sexualized masochism. Pt-I imagine doing that to you (e.g. oral) because I've become fond of you and am so grateful for the gains I made here and I want to feel closer to you. Th-I see and by doing that as you imagine it is a way to feel closer to me. And what do you notice feeling now as you have allowed yourself to express this impulse (in fantasy)? Pt-I want to feel even closer. Uhm, well, uh, have you treat me like I'm helpless and slap me like I'm bad. I see you slapping me, hitting me on the bottom and telling me how much I need to pay. Th. I'm wondering if this desire to be punished brings up something inside of you? Do you notice feeling something underneath this desire or perhaps notice someone as you think about this impulse of me pleasing you through punishing you? So Patricia, I didn't want to automatically judge the masochism as a defense of self attack but wasn't sure if chasing this down would be reinforcing a possible character defense such as that one. That perhaps staying with the masochism may lead to a link in the Triangle of person going from T to P. Maybe linked to mixed feelings w/ a genetic figure. Not sure if that makes sense? I'm trying to tease out if this would help move towards the link and further unlocking or perhaps by giving the masochism attention here I would be un-intentionally colluding w/ the possible Punitive S-Ego pathology in the transference? Thank you also for the previous feedback/wisdom and the book referenced.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

Жыл бұрын

@@Bo-ce3dx The central question here is why the patient would have to be punished. Who would be angry with her for having sex with you. Is there an Oedipal issue at play? Your case formulation is key. This sounds complex. I would urge you to get supervision on this case.

I am a female (41 )and I am on love with my therapist (57). I did tell him about my feelings towards him and he said that he is a human and also has feelings. When we ook into each others eyes I can feel and see in his eyes that he definitely feels something. Am I going crazy?

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

4 ай бұрын

If he has feelings for you and is not working therapeutically with yours, I would seek a consultation. The question is, how does this relate to your presenting problems? Do you have trouble in relationships? Have a tendency to fall for unavailable men? Is this part of a pattern. No feelings toward a therapist should be accepted at face value but explored therapeutically.

How do you hold someone’s elicit sexual fantasies towards you as a therapist without getting uncomfortable?

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

5 ай бұрын

You need to do your own work so that you are comfortable with your own intense feelings and impulses, as well as those of others. It helps to remember that your patients feelings toward you are not personal - they tell you about the patient and his relational patterns. We, as therapists, are the vehicle of transmission of the treatment and, as such, can't be divorced from it. This means that who you are and how you engage is of the utmost importance. If you find you are uncomfortable with sexual feelings and impulses, I would urge you to get some help in sorting that out for yourself.

Very interesting. Are you on Facebook? I'd like to recommend you to others. You might be helpful.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

4 жыл бұрын

No I don't do Facebook. I am rather allergic to social media. Perhaps you could direct others to this youtube channel. Thanks!

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

3 жыл бұрын

Not a fan of Facebook

Are you ever attracted to your female clients or vice versa. There's not much on same-sex transference, which leads me to think practitioners don't want to talk about it.

@patriciacoughlinphd1852

3 ай бұрын

It hasn't been an issue with either gender. If you address defenses early on they won't be acted out.