As someone in their 30s, I 100% agree with this message - too many people think they have 100s of friends, but actually they just know a lot of people, a true friend is someone who is actually there for you (and you are there for) in the bad moments, not just hanging out and having drinks with. I would also add; be careful of thinking of work colleagues as friends, often these are people that circumstance has made artificially close to you.

Based. People often times use the word "friends" to describe acquaintances because they would like to believe that they have more than they truly do.

rip when you eventually realize you don't actually have as many friends as you thought

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

this is me too :

@munchkinsophie

Жыл бұрын

You actually don’t need any friends focus on your life

This is a really important topic and this video raises some great points, but a couple of them feel quite overstated to me. It's very semantic to say that old friends we're not in touch with often are now acquaintances - they're a different category of friendship that can still be very important and meaningful with even just a small amount of investment. I also think acquaintanceships can be very worth investing in, even knowing you're never likely to be close friends. I'm approaching this as someone who has always had a core group of close friends, but in recent years my life has changed greatly for the better through choosing to value, invest in and be more present with my acquaintances. It's good to be deliberate and thoughtful in who we prioritise building relationships with, but the idea of writing people off as not worth investing our time in can be quite toxic depending on how we go about it in practice.

@AndreaDiaz-rc3iy

Жыл бұрын

Thissss

got here from the ux video, amazing work and video as always. i'm very happy i put my energy and time and effort to maintain a long friendship with 2 of my closest people who then followed me to my early 20s :] glad to hear you have a close circle of friends you can trust as well!

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Good for you, I wish everyone would be like you and put in that effort haha

I feel like I'm in an odd position. I'm also a natural introvert but I've worked hard to be more social to the point where a lot of people use the word social to describe me, as well as being able to read the room and push past the initial discomfort of saying hi. But, the journey of making and maintaining friends has been rather demoralizing. Pretty much every friendship I tried to nurture were with interesting but busy af people, mainly people my age in school, that had already had other friends and/or a romantic partner, leaving me in the dirt. I still have hope that I'll find a friend or two that can put up with my existential crises, overcaring, oversharing and awkwardness and dumb jokes, but I still am upset with my results so far after a year of accepting friendship as a priority. I find it hard to make friends, as to become friends, I not only have to go through some sort of mental acrobatics, but also "compete" between other existing friends ( or not). I feel like that aspect of friendship is left out. The stuff that sucks, the times that make you hypercritical of yourself and forget that you don't control how people perceive you. *How do I make room for a controversial topic? *How do I not overthink? *Should I rigorously follow this checklist of requirements I made up, or should I be more lenient at first, with the hope that they'll be open to new experiences and thoughts? *Is it wrong to be attracted to the busy chaotic type of person? I have less than two years before I embrace the twentysomething identity, and quite a lot of various college classes and clubs to partake in. I'm an aspiring interdisciplinary student (Sustainability, Art, Rhetoric and Writing Studies) with a leadership minor and certificate. I also commute and have an asian mom to update regularly. And I'm making time for hobbies, but can't quite get around working a job. I'm going to (hopefully) be exposed to various people and environments, as I also am required to attend workshops and do community service. I seriously don't quite know how I'm going to handle ALL of that, but I signed up for it all because I knew my heart was in the right place. (I also went through like 10 other plans in my head and did my own research...) I can't guarantee that I won't find seriously overworked people or inconsiderate ones, but I know that I like connecting with people. Also, the more exposure I get, the higher chance I have of finding my people. I didn't really find this video informative as to *why* it matters, but I just felt like I should share my thoughts on friendship as a fellow introvert.

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your personal story. I read through everything, and I can relate to a lot of points, especially the part where I pushed myself really hard to just make friends for the sake of making friends. I wouldn't say I regret any of those connections, but it definitely led to me being burnt out when I entered my 20s. It felt like I was doing it to achieve a standard of being a "socially successful" person rather than focusing on my own needs. I only recently started focusing on my personal needs, and noticed a big shift in how I approach personal relationships now. While you may not have gotten the same "results" as I have by prioritizing friendship, just know that it takes loooonnnnng while to get there, because so much of it is also dependent on whether or not you were lucky to meet the right people who can reciprocate your priority.

Dang it. Felt propelled to add in this short one while working+listening to your vids. Time is the single most important commodity that we all have.

5:15 - This has been hitting me hard recently. Age 37 and your points remain true! Dozens of people in our phones & social media that we last saw 5, 10, 15, or even 20 years ago. Some moved out of state or joined the military, etc. Some I try to reach out to see but they have a hard time figuring out a date/time to meet. I often wonder how many people I consider friends actually consider me to be their friend. Another thing that is tricky is precisely what makes people friends change with time. Just liking the same games, music, films, and interests may be fine as a kid or teen, but may no longer cut it at 30+. Later on, this may change to political inclination, etc.

you got great insights and well-written content. glad to see these videos on my feed in the early phase of this channel

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

thank you so much!! and welcome :)

Hey, Cynthia Zhou! I've only seen a few of your videos, but from the gathered insight, it's evident what you've accomplished takes a lot of experience, suffering and hard work to gain; I respect you for that. Hope you have a great day!

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much!!

Great video. I've seen a lot of KZread content, but rarely do I find such intuitive and mature video about friendships . Its always some bs video about relationships etc. Some of my notions about friendships became clear after seeing your video. Thank you.

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Glad I was able to provide some clarity :)

Got here from ux video, I like how you explain your points and oh your edit is somehow fun. Keep it up! You just earn a new subscriber.

Recently viewed your video on Japanese culture.. then later on today youtube recommended me this video... i really needed it... it really felt as if someone was scolding me out to utilize my time on specific people than the whole crowd... I'm in my mid 19 and i'm already drained by the the foolish effort I pay to have all my friends to go in the same tide.. As you've said, even I'm an introvert but as the vibe matches i completely become a different being.... Thanks Cynthia

This hit far too close to home. Great video as always though, Cynz!

Wow for these being your first couple of videos on the channel the content your putting out is amazing.

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!! I put in a lot of work for them hahaha

Baby (a bit condescending baby, a bit I'm way older baby) the logic you use is solid - if you want to have lots of acquaintances. Think about it like Dan Savages thinks about s3x: if you want lots of s3x, define it as loosely as possible. There's no reason for you to downgrade most of your friends to acquaintances status, if you like each other even thought the circuntances changed and you don't see each other all the time. It's ok for you to plan to invest more effort into these relationships, but they are not doomed to became strangers over night or over five years (still a pretty short amount of time). I know black and white, apocaliptic statements get way more views, but please don't get in this mind space and put yourself in a hole where you tell yourself you have no friends. because: 1. if I were one of them I would be kind of angry 2. this way of thinking only brings sorrow and shame to you, it's a scarcity model 3. most relationships ebs and flow, change with us, and that is a good thing 4. if a idea makes you sad, you don't have to believe it. our brains can be some kind of jerks, but we can choose to not listen

Africans in their early 20s waiting for a boat to smuggle them in Europe are clearly confused rn. But in a more serious note don't think about friendships in the basis of a list of things you do to each other. Don't rank your friends ever. Also you can absolutely be friends with someone without actively communicating that much. The harsh truth is you dont really know your friends until hardships hit. So having fun in general (in school, workplace, neighborhood etc) is not a clear cut way to judge a relationship. Just as with our SOs we think we know a person, but not really, we really get know others in hard times ours and theirs. So pandemic was a good example because it was a period of psychological stress and clearly was a time of letting go of toxic, mundane or try-hard relationships and aperiod of appreciation of our real social circle. Very good video and the design of your blogs are so relaxed, helps the message get through. I wish english was my fl to communicate what i was saying better.

This video was so wholesome, i loved it

Glad to have made your acquaintance to and great video Cyn and take care.

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, Danny!

i freaking LOVE your videos!!!

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much!!

periodt.

Wonderful video! Came here from the UX video (which I really liked!) and am not disappointed with the content here either. Subbed.

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Aw thanks so much for watching more stuff

Thanks YT, definitely subscribed.

thank you cynthia, i watch this video 3 times😆, and after that i also watch many videos on your youtube channel, please make some life or friends advice again next time.☺☺

Thank you for you videos, it’s amazing and so interesting! I’m product owner in Russian and that you tell it’s so useful for me ❤ I am your fan now )

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

Why thank you! Greetings from Canada :)

thumb up, totally understand where you were

😎

Im 24 and have no friends is too late or is there a way to go about this it seems so hard

yea, I have zero friends and it's pretty hard to make friends after college

@cynthiazhou_

Жыл бұрын

I completely understand the struggle! So much of it is about the environment and going to a place where it’s easy to meet people

I come here from ux designer video where you are talking about instagram close friends story😄😄

I wish I had seen this in my 20s

Turns out non of my friendships are 100% worth my time. But how do I even know if I am giving more than what I am receiving, or if it is the other way around?

Since I Have No Friends, This Video Wouldn’t Be That Helpful. At Least I Thought. It Actually Was Pretty Useful :).

Its not by choice or because i want to.

I KNEW you must have practiced that SUBSCRIBE rap! I couldn't go past S-U-B on my first try, that shit's hard! 😆 kudos!

I’m letting friendships from my childhood rot. I was born and raised in a religious community, a Christian dominion called Jehovah’s Witnesses. They’re not like normal Churches. They are notoriously cult-like. When I was a kid, “the elders”, and other “brothers” in the organization hammered in our heads that anyone we meet from the world who weren’t JWs are only “acquaintances.” No matter how much time and effort you spend with them. Only other JWs could be considered your friends. However, if you ever committed a sin, something worthy of getting yourself disfellowshipped (most commonly sex before marriage, having deep relationships with a worldly person, or criticizing the religion) then everyone will shun you. All your “real friends” won’t talk to you. Even if they see you. I haven’t been formerly disfellowshipped, but it’s only a matter of time. Thanks to the pandemic, I haven’t went to their Churches in years and just faded out. Some know I have “doubts.” But my best friend. Who I’ve known for over a decade, share so many inside jokes with, I haven’t told him anything. I don’t talk to him much so make it easier on myself. If things just fizzled out, that’d be less painful. I’m fine with slowly disappearing away from this group. Honestly, I’m just scared of testing our friendship if I told him I didn’t believe in God and that the organization was full of it. Would he still try to build a relationship with me despite the rules or shun me without a second thought?

What a flex lol