Good comments Rachael but I think something is still overlooked. A commitment was made to love and support for life. What does it say about the character of a wife or anyone who can simply justify destroying another person in the name of "seeking purpose". It's hard and been hard but it comes down to one person who lives with their commitments and one person who feels they are totally entitled and if the spouse is in the way they simply get run over. It's shameful to hurt people this way and totally narcissistic to hurt someone that has given so much without regard of how it affects. It is a mystery to have lived so long without really knowing what your spouse was capable of doing.

@randomflagg7331

Ай бұрын

check out free agent lifestyle, CGA. he'll give you the answers you seek. real answers. I think we've reached a point where hearing that men have participated in the downfall of society when we all know that feminism is the root cause and that these women are marrying the financially successful man first and divorcing him to then get with the "badboy" after. This is why the woman is so inherently mean because she's letting her true feelings fly. and she's trying to push you furthest away so she doesn't feel like the POS she truly is. uh, that's not your fault. you'd have to be a mind reader to anticipate her unreasonable demands and then get lucky on a test that is rigged for You to fail. the worst part and most reprehensible part is women talk. yes. and she knows this. So lets quit with the whole "you somehow participated" in your families breakup" you did no such thing. How could you be responsible if you were providing for your family and were there to listen? you were doing your job, the least she could do is keep up her part of the bargain and keep the home clean and take the children to school. be a god wife. have your back and never ever lie. you're not supposed to be a mind reader but these women expect you to be because they are behaving in bad faith. it's what happens when someone wants you to fail the test and when the test is over they won't let you see the answers. I know it and you know it. The problem is women in America have been pedestalised to the point that they think they are something they truly are not. the truth is they weren't made to earn their keep. they should be doing 50% of the work and yet they choose to be pampered like a princess even though it's 2024 not 1524. with 80% of them initiating divorce they have turned marriage into a business. a get rich quick scheme and they are using our children as firewood all so they can extend their market value on dating sites. it's not you that has let them down. they have let us all down. they have ruined marriage crippling it to the point that men don't want to even go near them cause they see what's happening to guys like you and it's scaring them away. and we've heard women's bs for a long time. it's nonsense. what they are looking for is a slave. not a partner. they are doing the exact thing they supposedly hated so much they are abusing their partner. and it's got to end now. check out free agent lifestyle CGA, he will give you the answers you seek. real answers, enough of this.

Let her find her agency by herself,and put yourself and your best interests first

@urbanart7325

2 ай бұрын

As she said to me: I want to find myself" at the age of 62

Just do not get married or live with a Woman. Massive numbers have chosen this path and are enjoying their freedom-The old model is almost over

Racheal you are really making a good case for men never to even contemplate committing and investing in marriage. The risk of a rug pull 20years down the road is too great

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

Hi Steve, thanks for watching and for commenting. But I'm afraid you're missing the point of this video entirely. All I'm saying is that women and men want the same things. If you marry a woman who wants a partner, not a wounded child who wants a father, and you treat her with the same respect for her capabilities and dreams that you would want for yourself, you can enjoy a healthy partnership where you both thrive and grow and face challenges together. If you insist on seeing women as weak creatures needing your money and protection to be okay, and don't respect them as humans sharing the same desires, needs and capacity for success as you have, then yes, the rug will definitely be pulled 20 years (or much sooner).

@tallstacker

4 ай бұрын

very true ive decided to stay single unless a wife wants to provide for me its not worth the risk anymore

@patrickmcfly3264

3 ай бұрын

100% avoid marriage this is what this whole STUPID and REDICULOUS video is saying

Agree with so many of the frameworks on this channel and have found compassion through understanding. Not sure marriage should be a thing anymore given these factors.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching and commenting. Marriage the way a lot of people go about it does often end in pain. But if you shift the way you view marriage it can be an amazing opportunity for on-going personal growth and healing. In my own marriage, for example, my husband and I are both constantly learning and growing along side one another, in part because staying together requires us to keep challenging preconceived beliefs and to heal old traumas and emotional wounds. We can either let the triggers in our relationships keep us trapped in old, toxic patterns, or we can use them as signposts to show us where we have the opportunity to heal.

Interesting take... She's making the case for a prenup... Instead of gratitude for her husband's provision and sacrifice, she's empowered to do her thing, no matter what... They could have opened a chain of restaurants, sold franchises and retired to Mexico... Now, he shouldn't let his ego get in the way, but if he allowed his dream to die, and hers to bear fruit, why is he still with her?

@hman2912

4 ай бұрын

It's a bit harsh to judge a whole relationship off one anecdotal story. The point of the story as I understand it, is that people are individuals, and circumstances change as people get older.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

It's interesting that this is what you heard here... that one of us had to sacrifice our dreams for the other. That's not the case at all. You assume that for me to become successful he had to sacrfice his dreams, which makes me wonder - has that been the lesson you've learned? That only one person in a couple can follow their dreams or be successful? If that's been your experience, please read my little story below. There are other ways to be in a couple, where both people can find and support one another's happiness. My husband chose to sell his restaurant and retire to Mexico not long after we met, because he was frustrated with the day to day stress of running a restaurant. That was his choice, not mine, and happened 9 years before I ever became a life coach or started my business. I won't bore you with the details of those last 12 years, except to say that we made some poor financial choices, lost a lot of money, worked a lot of shitty jobs and had a mutual business dream shattered by the shutdowns during Covid, which is when I decided to get certified as a life coach. And now it is the success of my business that has allowed us to move back to Mexico, and financed the opening of HIS current business there six months ago, which is growing and becoming a success in its own right. When I say that it's been a transistion for both of us, I mean it. Do you think it was easy for him, a previously successful business owner who made some poor financial decisions and lost a lot of money, to see his wife's business becoming successful while he was still working for someone else? Do you think it's still easy for him to build up his next business when mine is already bringing in more money? No, it isn't. But we've been a team all along the way. No one 'gave up' their dreams for the other, and neither of us would tolerate it if the other tried. We respect each other and support each other far too much for that. I'd encourage you to question the assumptions you made when you heard me share a few brief sentences of my own story here.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching and commenting. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in this story - my husband's losses and my successes weren't because of one another, and happened many years apart. In fact, a big drive for me in the early days of my coaching career was the hope that I could help him move out of depression by making enough money for us to be financially free (a fallacy I think many men fall into too, believing that a certain dollar amount in the bank account will make their spouse happy when the spouse is suffering from a loss of their own purpose or agency in life). My hope in this story was simply to share that it's not easy for many men to accept a woman's success, especially if they've had ups and downs in their own careers. I see that internal struggle and how deeply ingrained the 'provider' role is for my own husband, and I am grateful that he has worked hard to stay open and supportive of my growth and wins, instead of seeing them as a threat to his own. Thanks for watching and being a part of this KZread community!

This makes alot of sense to me, Thank you so much Rachel, Went through a divorce a year ago and your videos have really helped me😊

A couple is a team work…..this is what women do not recognize.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

Which women? Do you really believe all women don't recognize this? If so, you are probably going to have a very hard time meeting any women who are going to be good partners. People can tell when you don't respect them.

@dalord63

4 ай бұрын

They recognize it. They just don't care. The only thing they care about is who is a little bit better and next.

@dalord63

4 ай бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach - No smart man would get married in today's legal climate and no one that cares about men would advise that they get married in any circumstance today.

Ita better for a man not to marry. Is a terrible deal. You can have love, companionships , intimacy and even family without signing any contract.

Being married for me was like having a tiger as a pet.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

That you can relate having a wife to having a pet says a lot, I'm afraid. This is the issue we're talking about here - men and women need to treat each other as equal human beings and respect one another, not treat each other as prizes to be won or showed off or frightened of.

@stevemacca786

4 ай бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach you have totally missed my point here. Wether on purpose or not being able to appreciate the volatility of the extreme emotional swings that women possess. It is very dangerous for a man to enter into a marriage now.

But why can't women do all that with a life partner by their side? Why do they have ti divorce to think that's the only way they can achieve this?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 ай бұрын

This is such a great question. The answer is that they could... I think unfortunately a lot of times couples aren't truly very good partners to one another, and they often don't allow much room for their partner to change and grow (men and women are both guilty of this in many relationships). For example, one pattern I see playing out in frequently with the men I talk to is that they were the ones making more money, taking care of things financially when the two first met. The man liked being in that role, it fulfilled his sense of identity as a provider and protector, and he had the expectation that his wife would be there to support him and be grateful for his efforts and sacrifices. But what happens if she decides to pursue her career or business dreams? We all know that requires hard work and sacrifice... and often time, energy and resources directed away from the home, family, partner, children. That is really disruptive to the balance in a relationship where that hasn't been the role she fulfilled before. The couple has to shift, the husband has to be able to shift and grow as well to allow room for his wife to take on a new role. It's not easy for either partner to undergo this kind of growth and change (I know this from personal experience! In my own marriage it hasn't been easy for either me or my husband, and it takes a LOT of work from both partners to stay together).

@strengthsciencejim

2 ай бұрын

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I just wish she would of chose the path together. My wife asked me for a divorce in November. Moved out end of January. Says she regrets being a mother to a beautiful 4 year old daughter of ours and says I kept all my promises and vows. I was a stay at home dad for 3 years to support her to have a career. I literally did all I had too amd she is gone. Cold like all the beautiful moments we had no longer existed and I almost disgust her. It's so rough because I love her deeply.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

2 ай бұрын

@@strengthsciencejim I'm so sorry. Honestly, it sounds like she is dealing with some issues that are deeper than anything that has happened between you. I'm really sorry you and your daughter, and your wife, are going through this. I don't know any details of your situation, but I do know that to regret being mother and to say that you kept your promises and vows, yet she wants to divorce, suggests that she is dealing with a much deeper level of shame and even self loathing. One of the greatest tragedies is for someone who is loved by another to not be able to love themselves... because they are unable to receive all of the love you offer. Do you have a good support system yourself? There is going to be a lot to process, unpack and heal for you emotionally, especially given the circumstances.

@strengthsciencejim

2 ай бұрын

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I go to the gym alot let's say. It really helps me the time I am there. I'm not a social bug so going to the bar or hang out at a friend isn't my thing. I take care of myself and my daughter and work and keep my place clean and just hope she figures it out amd I get a text saying she wants to come back and work on it. If not then I keep working on myself and my daughter and live my life. I'll always love her regardless!

@msnj1791

Ай бұрын

@@strengthsciencejimI hear you man, same

I am not mentioning this from a red pill brainwashed place, but it is something I’ve found to be consistent from my experiences, women I’ve met and conversed with since my divorce, and seeing things in divorce groups (not manosphere-based - both genders): hypergamy is a factor

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching and for sharing your experience. I think hypergamy CAN be a factor. It isn't always. That's the important thing to remember, I think for all of us. These stereotypes may be grounded in some truth, but that doesn't mean every woman thinks that way. For example, just today I was on a coaching call with a divorced client who has been with his new partner for four years. In his words, he said, "It's a weird feeling. She doesn't need me. She just wants me." I hear this a lot, especially with clients who are dating women in their fifties. They frequently meet women who are very independent and capable, but WANT a relationship with a man for companionship, friendship, intimacy and sex.

I supported my wife for the past 10 years. I worked so hard to put her through college and medical school and was hoping myself to retire when she began working. She took and took, and when I was about to retire she ditched me. Now she wants half of our savings that I had planned to use to retire. The ultimate selfish act after she took what she needed. I'm sad but I will survive and learn from this.

@Neoteny374

Ай бұрын

Grey divorces are brutal. It's all the rage where I'm at. All these empowered middle age women thinking they are being liberated by effing over their long time husbands. My friend lost his 200k/yr job and his wife decided to leave. Then she got the "diagnosis" and decided to stay.

This feels very relatable but flipped in the gender roles.

Except they still want you to provide and protect with alimony and child support.. that’s their “purpose” Sounds more like raising a child than a life partner..

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

I'm sorry that's been your experience. Unfortunately many men who believe that the main value they bring to a relationship is being a provider tend to attract women who are only looking for a provider. There are many women who want a life partner and are capable of being a life partner... but to be with a woman like that a man has to find a different identity in the relationship than provider/protector. Many men find that they aren't attracted to women who are equal partners, because it robs them of that provider/protector identity and they don't know what they bring to the relationship without that. I think for every one of us who has ever been in a relationship that ended badly, one of the questions we have to ask ourselves is this - why did we choose a partner with those particular tendencies and flaws in the first place? Why didn't we choose a healthier relationship? When we face that question we have a chance to heal and choose better relationships moving forwards.

@similakchild1

4 ай бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach so interesting and thank you for your reply Rachael.. how can I get information about your classes/sessions?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

@@similakchild1 you're welcome, thanks for watching and being a part of this community on KZread. The best way to learn about my programs and how to work with me is to watch my free masterclass: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register

Nice examples of real life! Thank you

@zoominto_

Ай бұрын

Very helpful! 🙂

Have a quick listen to Dax To Be a man (Mega mix version) and it will give you a glimpse behind our curtain. Speaks the truth to many of these situations.

So she becoming an empowered women give her the right to leave? What is loyalty to her? What is humanity? Respect? Is it all about money?

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

Please watch the video. If you do, I think you'll see that I'm saying exactly the opposite. It is NOT about the money at all. That's the problem. Many men are taught to believe it IS about money for women, when the reality is that women, just like men, need a sense of purpose, connection and agency in their lives in order to be satisfied.

@alfaruq9540

4 ай бұрын

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach She can get what she needs and still being LOYAL. It’s okay for me of her having agency and purpose, it is actually making life more joyful. But women think of that as a REVENGE of nothing, “you controlled the relationship for years, now you can’t control me and I will break your heart”, when man did nothing wrong but his role as a provider. There is a small voice inside every women that says “men WANT to control me and cut my wings as some of them did decades before”. The world has changed, marriage is more like a team, both of them needs to work and find purpose while BEING TOGETHER. Women don’t understand that.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

@@alfaruq9540 I can tell you've been hurt, and I'm very sorry for that. No divorce is single sided. There are always two people involved, and it is the negative cycles they get caught in as a couple that end the marriage, not the failures of one person or the other alone. I hope, for your sake and your own healing, that you can start to get curious about the role you played in that negative cycle between you and your ex wife, instead of blaming all on her.

Greed,selfishness,self esteem, lalaland romantic fantasy with the new guy, the internet, and social pressure. Marriage is considered to be a bontage. Why do it?

she consistently take an immature, simplistic view that favors a woman’s right to walk away from the vows she has made to a man that has altered his life for his wife. in a sense she makes the case that a man should not promise to provide and protect someone that will turn on him in a moment’s notice. women understand this and so do divorced lawyers. laws are written to favor a woman because attorneys know 80% of marriages are filed by women. it’s the way they make their living, why wouldn’t they appeal to the side that makes reckless decisions based on the emotions they feel right now? women’s insecurities lead them on a destructive path to fulfill both financial security and their maternal instincts. the man that altered his life for his woman is now left in the ashes of her destruction. why did rachael marry a man 14 years her senior? daddy issues perhaps? i’ve listened too many of her vids & the more i listen, the more i empathize with her hubby!!

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

4 ай бұрын

Hi Dan, it's clear that you've been hurt, and I'm sorry for that. My husband and I support each other, and we pick each other up when we're down. I'd love to know in which part of this video you see me as turning on the man whom I've supported and loved through good times and hard, financial losses, business successes and failures, moves across many states and multiple countries, chasing his dreams and my own? At times in our 13 years together he's supported me financially. In the last few years it's been me who has been able to support him in pursuing his dreams instead. Where do you see the betrayal in that? When you are in a partnership, which is how I see my marriage, you both sacrifice sometimes. I support my husband, even when he makes mistakes. And I am grateful that he supports me as well. If you can't see a woman as your equal or have respect for the sacrifices your wife made for you, then you are probaby going to struggle to find a healthy relationship.

@DanHoller-eb6xt

4 ай бұрын

i find your response to be nothing more than lip service due to your lack of marital experience. 13 years? that’s all? do you really think you’ll have the same mindset in 18 more years? can you assure anyone you’ll be the same person after the hormonal time bomb lets loose? i highly doubt it. i don’t mean to be mean, but you’re still a bit of a rookie at this.

Walk away wife is devastating. Why baby? Why not find purpose together. Oof...

i gave racheal a chance. just move on people.

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach

3 ай бұрын

Hi Dan (is it Dan, or is this a psuedonym for YT?), Did you work with me inside BBD? I don't recognize the name you're using here. If you were a part of my program and didn't find it helpful, I hope you'll tell me what it is that upset you or didn't work for you. Feedback of all kinds, positive and negative, is so important to me - it is the only way I can keep improving my coaching, my courses and the content I share. I am here to help. If I didn't help you, I would very much like to understand why and what went wrong. You are more than welcome to post your comments or criticisms here, or you can email me with the contact details you have from the program.