You are one of those people I will just randomly remember and then just go "I wonder how he is these days", and it was such a joy being able to see this from you, and knowing how much better you are doing, even if my main memory of you is fandom spaces (NC) in 2011/2012. I wish you all the best!

This video and seeing this version of you that seems to be in so much more of a healthy place made my heart smile

@JakeFTMagic

Жыл бұрын

This is such a wholesome comment omg thank u

Your content from 6/7 years ago (and the stuff you made with Alex at the time) was how I first learned what being trans was. I was probably about 15 and I'd probably heard the term 'transgender' but not properly understood it, and hadn't seen / heard from any people who identified that way. I'm glad that I saw your videos and from them made the effort to learn more about trans people when I did - because since then I have had friends who have come out as trans/non-binary and I also met people at uni who were trans - and so I've been able to understand what that meant and how to be respectful and what not to ask. I've even found myself trying to educate a friend (who just didn't know any better) about using a classmate's chosen name and pronouns. So you have really played a key part in me knowing about transgender issues and I'm thankful to have that knowledge so I can respect people! I can see how having your young relationship online turned out to be a not great thing, but glad you are now somewhere where you can hopefully have a healthier relationship with making content that you wanna make. Also I love the teal vibe with the outfit, nails, makeup and background!

that necklace is a paid actor

13:22 "You feel like you're not really yourself - Like you're just on pause waiting to be yourself." It's nice to know I'm not the only one that's felt this way. That's the boat I'm in right now. I'd like to get off this boat...

I had a very small following on youtube around 5 years ago (also as a teen) and there are times when I really want to go back to it. It was one of the few ways I felt comfortable engaging in activism and it really helped me figure out who I wanted to be at that time. There are so many things about being an ‘internet personality’ though (even a tiny one) that became so difficult for me and it makes me afraid to go back. The pressure to constantly be creating content, to have an opinion on everything and to put on a ‘face’ in videos is something that I really struggled with (especially as someone with a chronic illness, yikes). But now I’m starting to have things that I want to say again, things that I want people to hear. So who knows? Maybe after another year of therapy 😅

@PopcornEmma

Жыл бұрын

also, glad to see you’re doing well!

@jam-yh3bl

Жыл бұрын

hi emma really loved your content back in the day! i'd still watch your content if you came back but put yourself first

@PopcornEmma

Жыл бұрын

@@jam-yh3bl oh hey, that’s awesome! really nice to hear ☺️

@chibimatt

Жыл бұрын

omg emma ❤️ your content was so cute back in the day

@Xapuyi

Жыл бұрын

I really liked your channel back in the day as I really related to you. I was also a teen at that time and now and adult and it can be strange to look back at how I was back then, but KZread channels like yours really helped me understand my place in the world better :)

It was amazing to see you in such a good place. I related to soo much of what you said about attachment and your mental health struggles, like sooo much of it. Thanks for making this video regardless of whether you decide to make any again or not 😊

I missed you. But I am so happy you're doing okay and that you are healing💜 whatever you end up doing in life I hope it makes you happy and able to have fun with it💛

@JakeFTMagic

Жыл бұрын

💗💗💗💗

I was just going through my subscriptions (something I haven't done in a Very Long Time) and seeing your channel made me smile and to see this video posted only a couple months ago, felt like an old friend dropping by for a surprise visit. As someone who was just coming to the understanding that I was trans when first finding yours and Alex's channels, it feels really surreal to be almost a year on T and seeing you posting again. I also really felt what you were saying with the not working on the rest of mental health because dealing with being trans and getting the proper care and trying to feel okay in the body you inhabit before you can really deal with the reality of existing for the rest of your life (that was a mouthful lol). Thank you so much for existing, and I know that you don't know me and I don't really know you (yay parasocial relationships!), but I'm glad that life is going well for you, and I sincerely hope you know what a good impact you've had (and continue to have, because this video is honestly just what I needed to kind of hear today).

The absence of depression is definitely surreal when you've become so very used to it. Like after a while you realise that you're actually fine a lot of the time and then think, wait, have all these other people been out here walking around being okay all this time? And they're not even conscious of the fact while I'm hyper aware that I'm having an average, mediocre, okay time? It's wacky.

good to see you're doing okay!! it's been a rough time, I feel this so much having gone through so many similar issues over the last few years. I'm thinking about maybe coming back to KZread myself, but in a casual, do whatever I want, upload whatever I want kinda way. I put far too much pressure on myself to try and make videos that would go viral, upload weekly, branded content. But funnily enough, you're allowed to do whatever you want on your own KZread! So I might honestly just take a zero fucks given approach if I do come back. I hope you're able to do the same!!

@JakeFTMagic

Жыл бұрын

Yessssss!!!! I actually did have a lot of fun filming this, I’d so recommend getting back into it when the mood strikes :D

i definetly missed you, and this brought the biggest smile to my face. very happy to see you doing well, whether you come back or not, pop in occasionally, or never again, i've loved watching your channel and your journey, so i'm glad to wish you well

thank you

So great to hear you’re doing well! I’m glad your experiences w youtube-ing weren’t all negative (always get a lil scared that’s the case when i see why-i-quit-youtube videos haha) 😭 good for u good for u,,, would love any future videos if you decide to make them but no pressure at all 💜

your videos helped me a lot as a teen and i would love to see more videos from you!! also i just wanted to say on the point where you were talking about not feeling depressed anymore and it worrying you, it reminds me of when i started the meds im on now after a while i was feeling so good i literally thought i was manic and this was happening everyday and one day i said to my husband "i dont think im manic i think this is just what happiness feels like" and i think about that a lot. obviously im not completely mentally stable and i dont think i ever will be but things get better it has just taken a lot of time and effort!

was lovely to see this pop up in my subscriptions, i used to love your content, went to the meetups you held years back, looked up to you (wanted to be friends but ya know, didn't want to seem strange); i follow you on Instagram and am (somehow) friends with you on Facebook, so you never left my life 100%, i would sometimes watch videos of nostalgia sake (literally did that a few weeks ago) as they just remind me of a simpler time. thanks for just posting this ig Jake, just nice to see your face. :)

i'm so proud of u jake ur vibes are immaculate btw

@JakeFTMagic

Жыл бұрын

Hehe thank u

It looks like you're doing great, it really warmed my heart, here's to all us queers growing up and things getting better ❤️

Honestly when I stopped trying to do KZread and just like focused on my identity and coming to terms with a lot on myself I felt better than ever because like ngl I know I’m not really liked in a lot of the community - some of it yeah justified but a lot of it for me was either misunderstood and sad to say, ableist as hell. And idk why I ever tried to gain certain peoples favour or be liked. What I really appreciated from this video and month late to seeing this (medical courses are no joke) was that there was a lot of relatable moments from like not knowing how to emulate what you’re feeing internally and putting it externally. So this video is really appreciated seeing someone verbalise that, maybe from a different viewpoint but feeling some similar things.

I'm really glad to hear you're doing good for yourself! 💙

Glad you're doing well :) The 'being on pause' feeling though. Oof. Hit hard. That is exactly what it feels like. Had to stop the video there for a bit.

I'm quite late discovering this video only now! Yet I'm glad to see your face again on here. It's lovely to see how far you've gone and grown. I hope a year later, you're doing well still and maybe even better. :) I wish you well. Alex, you and a handfull of others were the only sources of information for me back then. I didn't even know what the word transgender meant before stumbling onto Alex's channel like... 15 years ago? I had no clue i wasn't the only one of the planet feeling this way, so discovering there actually was a word for it was mind-blowing. You may have been teenagers back then and I was older but you guys still helped me figure things out and feel less alone. So thank you for putting yourselves out there, talking about your feelings and experiences. I wish you the best Jake. Take care.

Thank you for the update Jake. What a wonderful person you are ❤

It's really good to hear from you! You said a lot of powerful stuff here, and it's definitely prompted me to think and reflect on my own experiences being trans and growing up with that. You look and sound happy and healthy, and I wish you the best where ever your journey takes you from here

so happy to see you doing well!! therapy is absolutely life-saving, i'm glad you were able to seek help!

@JakeFTMagic

Жыл бұрын

Awh thank u so much!!!

This is a freaking great video! So happy for you and very happy to have you back in my sub feed :)

as someone who watched you back when you and alex were still dating, its such a joy to see you healing and growing now. back then i was a teenager too and going through a similar struggle with co dependency and attachment in my own relationship(s) and just watching this now is so comforting. i genuinely wish all the best and that you continue thriving outside of the internet space

Glad to hear from you again! I'm not trans (maybe quite agnostic towards my assigned gender (nonbinary if you will), but I don't really mind being universally seen, considered and treated as a cis dude), but when I was a clueless 17-year-old gay kid yearning for a boyfriend I looked up a lot to your relationship with Alex and lived vicariously through you, you guys kinda represented to me the endearing, sweet gay teenage romance that I never got to experience. Looking back now as an adult I can see that that parasocial dynamic you created with us as your audience probably wasn't the best for you guys as an equally clueless teenage couple, but still, it meant a lot to me as one of the first gay relationships I looked up as a role model for what I wanted too. You also were among this bubble of KZreadrs like for example Ash Hardell, Marina Watanabe, Riley J. Dennis, neonfiona... that first put me in contact with a lot of LGBT+ concepts before the "leftube era" & ContraPoints came into prominence, and as much as I now think that a lot of the LGBT+ discourse that was popular back then in 2016/2017 was pretty two-dimensional and overly centred on tiny nuances that don't really matter irl outside of terminally online petty disputes, it also was quite formative for me. So yeah, it's nice to hear back from you now at a point in which I think both you and us as your audience are quite more mature, less clueless and with more fleshed-out ideas than we were back then. Hope you end up deciding to stick around!

Sometimes it’s just not the right time, it’s lovely to see you again! I just got top surgery and I definitely feel a lot more comfortable with myself, I feel complete I don’t love the scars they make me kind of anxious but I’m learning to not care. I feel like there are so many trans men who don’t want bottom surgery and are shamed for it which sucks because unless you’re a trans man you really don’t understand that phaloplasty as of today is not great, it works but man I just can’t that’s a lot

Missed you Jake! I am so happy to see your face again and to know that you are doing well! ❤

I started following u and alex about like 6 or 7 years ago when I was in my (pre)teenage years and I was going through a huge gender disphoria, so seeing you two was very helpful and heartwarming🥺 now I identify myself as a cis, but still queer (and also having therapy to cure my depression and many other things✌🏻) anyway, glad to see u again!!❤❤❤❤

Jake u were so OG in my KZread journey!!! So awesome to see how you've flourished 👏🏻 ✨

It‘s all you, one self, just different aspects, emotional states that feel very different to you depending on the environment bc your wellbeing was so dependent on others attention. Like you identified with what you got back from people as reactions. Good that you went to therapy, I waited too long to open up, I think it‘s really great you started therapy rel. early:)

So good to see you 💕💕💕 so glad you’re looking after yourself :))

Good to hear from you!

glad you're doing well! it was a weird time on the internet that comforted me at the time dealing with being young and trans (still young lmao, but pre transition) and it's nice to see so many creators i followed moving on in life (even if sometimes i miss those videos, but thats life)

This was such a wholesome video- It is always so healing for me to see another person be so honest about their truth- so thank you Jake for sharing =')

Good to see that you’re doing well!

I seriously cannot express enough how much this video means to me. I've been questioning my own self alot here recently and this video just completely calmed my nerves. Thank you so very much for making it. 💙💙💙

You're glowing, and in really so happy to see you're still around. My favorite video on all of KZread is your cover of i wouldn't mind from years back. Thank you for that

hope you're doing well Jake. admire your honesty... always just be yourself. much love from an old friend :)

Hi Jake! Happy to see you. xoxo Sending you lots of love.

Here I was lazily scrolling through my subscriptions on my fortnightly visit to KZread, and there you were. I saw your name, face - and I was gobsmacked. Like.. Hello??? Blast from the past. *cue mental flashback replay* I had a moment of hesitation , "do I - do I watch the video?" I clicked and there you were all *gender-queer/non-binary fae, beautiful trans bae* and while I listened to you, my heart just warmed and I have a huge smile on my face. You are doing so well! And I'm so happy to see you again! I'm sitting here realizing I had no idea I was trans or non-binary when I started watching you, didn't even consider it, but now I'm fully out and transitioned. I can't help but think that you must have helped me in my subconscious or something, simply by existing and posting videos. From my own experiences, I could relate so much to your points on anxious attachment, dissociation, and feeling like you were on pause. Seeing your face again feels so wild and unreal - but we're here! Thanks for checking in again - it's a highlight of my day. ❤

@JakeFTMagic

Жыл бұрын

This put the biggest smile on my face. Thank u so so much for watching, hope you're loving life and feeling good today

There's something really nice about seeing you, but there's something that's also really nice about recognising a few names in the comment section! This is fun.

So lovely to see you again! I hope our excitement to have you back doesn’t put too much pressure on you and send you packing again. Whatever you’re comfortable making, we will be thrilled to have

great to see this, glad you're doing better!

so much love for this vid! used to watch you as a trans teen and finding this so relatable as a trans adult lol it’s the glow up 😂

I'm glad you're in a better mental place! Unsure if YTubers need to let their audience know updates like these, or even owe them one. But if this video helped you in some way, that's great! Wish I could afford therapy. As an ftm, yes I do think periods are still gross lol. One reason I'm staying on T. So, in the year 2022, people can still find it gross and that's okay :)

Trauma is something that should be discussed with a therapist before transitioning especially if it is sexual trauma. And then it shouldn't be downhill from top surgery but quality of life should improve. Don't understand why it was downhill from top surgery for him. Usually that's something detrans women tell that they woke up and thought omg what have I done. But that's probably not how he experienced top surgery. Becoming depressed afterwards doesn't sound good either.

So glad you’re doing well

Dear Jake, your videos are a way for me to reileve my stress, to escape for a while when I feel stressed and are educational. So fank ü.

Hi Jake I'm a huge fan of you and I love your music it helped when things were hard

I wish I could write a comment saying how much I'm happy to listening to this whole video, I'm just going with that. Thank you Jake

i missed your voice and so glad that you're doing well

Thank you for popping back in! I was just randomly thinking about you :) You were a part of my teenage years and your videos made me feel less alone while I was questioning my gender. I am so glad that as adults we found our place in the world and are feeling better than ever. I am an extremely confident non-binary person btw ✨ I wish you the absolute best in whatever you want to pursue next! ❤️

i’m glad you’re in a healthier place now! i watched your videos in middle and high school and you were one of my first exposures to transness. i appreciate that so much because i don’t think i would have come out to myself anywhere near as soon as i did, and seeing people like you made it feel a lot less scary. i hope life continues treating you well :)

I wanted to tell you Thanks a million for shooting this video and posting it.

you and alex were such a big part of my childhood and teenhood. now at 21, out as a nonbinary trans person, i think i needed you two to find myself. Seeing a video pop up from you really made me smile. Nice to see you doing better and being yourself.

the more I look back now on the last decade of watching social media and over the past couple of years hearing how dark some of the behind the scenes was or what people regret making public etc. I really am not a fan of following people on social media anymore. Also to some extend it was unhealthy how I would live vicariously through some of these people, especially family vloggers. Staring at the phone and smiling instead of making these things real for me so I could actually smile when I put that phone down.

So glad you’re doing well 💛💛💛 your videos were v positive in my trans journey as a teenager and it brings me such joy to see how far you’ve come (and also how far I’ve come) since that time. Trans joy is real 💛💛 big love x

God, Jake, this video gives me so much, thank you.

I started following you when dating a trans person, to help me better understand them... (that was before I came to terms with being trans myself) your videos helped me be a better partner than I could have otherwise. In the time that followed I had a really tough time and following your videos, your transition, your music, really helped me get out of my head and get through that tough time. So thank you, thank you for that. I'm sorry it was so rough on you on that other side. Sending all the love and good wishes. -M

So good to see how good you are doing mate. I hope whatever you end up progressing in to brings you joy

Glad you're doing well!!

You are how I realized I'm both non-binary and a trans man. You gave me the courage to continue to wear make-up, nail polish and dresses. And I am literally shitting my WHOLE ASS that you may be coming back to YT. 😭😭😭

love you always, jake 💜

so nice to see you !

Yeah fame for anyone is a lot, for kids/teenagers. Phew, totally unequipped to deal with it most of the time. Hugs ❤

I know you're probably not going to see this, but probably 7 ish years ago you did a cover of cold coffee by ed sheeran and I can't find it anywhere. Your specific cover was one that I listened to for years on repeat as I went through the most difficult time of my life. If you happen to still have the video saved somewhere I can't begin to tell you how grateful I would be if you could re upload it somewhere. I'm so excited for you moving on with your life outside of KZread, and I'm so grateful I got to grow up with your videos. I loved everything you ever posted and you were one of my favorite KZreadrs ❤️

JAAAAKE I’m glad you posted ❤

I'm a trans guy waiting for surgery and hormones and the part where you said that during that period it feels like you are not able to think about anything else is so accurate. I don't think i can be dealing with going to the gym or therapy or going out with anyone. My entire life right now is: sleep work sleep work. All i can manage at the moment is saving money for my treatment.

@meh_im_a_sheep6018

7 ай бұрын

A year has passed. Have you started T? :D

Good to see you are still alive :)

Good to see you again Jake!!

💕💕💕

I just out of nowhere got the idea to see if you'd suddenly posted again... and you actually had

Hugs ❤

You are so articulate 👏

So relatable 💜

Welcome back!!!

16:48 "like... fix it" lmao

Jake used to have a video of a poem about being a trans guy and one day (a few years ago) I found out it was not up anymore. Have not found a copy of it anywhere. Does anyone have a full version saved somewhere? I remember a few parts and one was something like "here's to the boys who never got to play with their favorite toys because our mothers were so afraid of what that might mean". If anyone remembers it or has a copy of it saved somewhere, please let me know!

💙💙💙

♥️

I can't believe the last video you posted before this one was our collab ft. my extremely awkward pre-trans era 😭😂 Anyway hi, I love you!! Welcome back! 🖤

💛💜🖤

Do what's best for you and you health, but I would be happy if you did start making videos again. I think the transmasc community could do with more people who are older than their early 20s. It's good to hear from adults who are settled in their transition and living their lives as trans people. When I was questioning, most of the transmac people on youtube were in that holding pattern of waiting, like you described. I think it's good for questioning people to see adults too, so they can see what a trans person's life can be like after transition. That's helpful for working out if that's what they want for their own lives.

"On pause waiting to be yourself". Yeah.

Weirdest appearance ever.

hi Jake! first off i wanna say you look stunning! ur energy is beautiful! secondly i started watching your vids bout 8ish yrs ago when i saw you in Alex's vids and i just vibed so well with the energy you guys put out, i binged both of your channels all the time, i was also that angsty trans teen navigating through normal teenage probs (school, jobs, relationships, etc..) and my own transition literally at the same time as you both just across the pond aways in the US. It meant so much to have something like what you created, a space for people like us to relax, laugh, and breathe ( take that god awful binder off after a long day😂🤷‍♂) and know that somewhere there was someone else going through similar struggles and that understood. even though we never met i felt like u were kinda like a friend same with Alex. Had i been in the UK i would've totally been friends with you guys watching Sherlock and joking around and helping each other through the tough shit. anyways sry ive ranted lol, your amazing inside and out and i hope things are still well! -Alex from the US

Next time I have a bottle of gin I'll take a shot every time you say the word "like" 😂😂😂 It's great to hear from you again though. 😊😊

U gonna fr join that 41%

@pumpkinpiemfer237

4 ай бұрын

Ur mum is 41%

Hello again ^^

It WAS such a quiet time smh 🤦

are you ever going to come back or are you quitting forever?

youtube missed you too :, ) ❤️

I understand why a trans charity would want to employ trans people, but I really don't think it's fair to put a trans person in the job of "read all the hate".

Ooof reading trans bashing articles for 2 years? You poor thing. My friend chose to do something similar for her thesis - but about refugees and got super down having to read all this hateful rhetoric, and that was only for a few months!

Yikes

I want to find an online trans community to be a part of because I don't have a lot of trans friends off line.

This video is giving me the “ya know what that is? *growth* 🤌” vibes and I’m here for it.