You nailed it with the survival mode observation. It feels like I'm at the mercy of my primitive brain. I call that mode "the lizard", (or, if I'm looking to verbally assault someone in a mean effort to create an airtight argument, that's the 'lizard attorney") From a mindfulness standpoint, noticing the lizard is coming out, and naming it, I can arrest the cascade. ("Uh oh. It's the lizard.")

oh thank god I discovered this video, thank you for your work

Please can you do a video on finding a sense of identity and strong sense of self as part of healing fearful avoidant attachment style? This is one of the aspects I struggle with the most..

@monicamonica5924

Жыл бұрын

Me too!

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

Жыл бұрын

I will! Writing it down on the list!

You’re beyond amazing, I was loosing myself to guilt over things that I did that seemed right!

she made sure I saw her with her ex tonight, i sent her a long email just looking for closure and hoping to get her to take responsibility for some of the hurt ful situations she caused between he and I and intead of doing that she made sure I saw her with him when i showed up to a mutual friends birthday party... it was owas incredibly hurtful and i lashed out immediately...she did it to him a while back using me and i didnt realize it...

moved to tears in the last minute or so - thank you so much paulien!!!

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

8 ай бұрын

Thats amazing!! You are so welcome, happy to have you here❤

Plz will u do more on this topic , I would love to understand better why I can be so mean yet feel so so responsible for everyone’s feelings and welfare at the same time. It’s so hard to really understand myself and at this point sheer will Power to just not be mean is not working- Thank you so so much Pauline, you are a God send

Hi Paulien, thank you so much for this particular video.

incredible insight and spot on. It is nice to hear someone put what I know/feel into words. thank you

Everyvideos today I watch from you, I cry out of nowhere, it feels freeing, thank you ❤ all that you share help so mich to realise I am not crazy kind of

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

9 ай бұрын

I am so happy to hear it resonate with you. Thank you for being here❤

This is the thing we are struggling the most with ... me mostly with understanding why my boyfriend does those mean things, especially why and how come he can be mad at me when I'm hurting with something already, how it can even be this way ... We have healed a lot in last few years, a huge part thanks to your videos, it is almost just this issue still remaining, and now it will be a lot easier for me to not take this personaly, 'cause I finally understand where does this even come from and I will be able not to become defensive and with that trigger him even more. And we will get off that roller coaster much faster or won't step on one in the first place ❤

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

Жыл бұрын

So happy to hear Petra!

Thank you so much for this video! I couldn't be more grateful for you tackling this subject with the very words you used. 🙏🙏🙏❤️

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

Жыл бұрын

So happy you are here!

Thank you for creating this account and posting videos about healing the fearful avoidant attachment style. 😊I do not have the money to go to therapy so this really helps a lot. My attachment style pretty much ruin almost all of my relationships whether it's platonic or romantic.

This is so helpful. Thank you!!

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

Жыл бұрын

So happy you are here!

This describes me to the T. Thank you for your honest sharing. For those who have also been traumatized, but still tried very hard everyday to be a “good person “, I honor you and sending you so much blessings.💜✨🙏

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

7 ай бұрын

Thank you for being here❤

Thank you for this--I needed to hear it.

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for being here❤

They have this incredible capacity of being empathetic. Unless when they are triggered, she dumped me after i told her to try to be empathetic to a thing that happened to me in the past and was connected to the present. She told me she did not think she could be empathetic. She was triggered when she told me this. She was very mean. Now after the 3/4 weeks mark, i reached out to her with a light text. She texted back. I did this only because from what i read or listened, the FA has the tendency to not reach out because of the fear of rejection in their mind. Hoping she knows that text was just to break the wall of rejection down. Hoping she would process her feelings in the next weeks. Now the ball is in her court.

@fedoralexandersteeman6672

11 ай бұрын

Good on you! Tread carefully and avoid talking about your own emotions and instead try to be the adult in the room and allow them to relax and open up again. Keep it light at first and then carefully address the pattern and behaviour, because it still needs to change. My FA ex dumped me 10 months ago but is still breadcrumbing me. I have reached out often, but also botched it several times. You may be in for the long haul, so do everything you can to find balance and self-confidence. They are deserving of love and just need to get a chance to open up again. Keep us up to date!

@JupiterWaltz

11 ай бұрын

@@fedoralexandersteeman6672 Thanks for the kind words. Breadcrumbing still after 10 months is sure hard as hell. How are you friend? By the way I did not talk about my emotions after i reached out, i texted her "Hi (name), how are you?" to keep it light, she texted back and we exchanged 5 texts in total. Beware, her last text she sent to me was about 12 hours after my second text, so i responded to her after 9 hours. Since today she did not reach out. She was on vacation last week and she is still on vacation this week. I began also to stop watching her IG stories. I don't know what i should do right now. Try to reach out again? Or i should just wait her to try and see if she can process her feelings and emotions after she will come back from vacation? What's your opinion?

@mercyveritas1125

4 ай бұрын

@@JupiterWaltz just dodge this nuclear time bomb bruh

Hi Paulien. Thank you so much for making these videos. I am very empathetic and also can be VERY mean. But I truly don't understand when I feel nothing. For example, when something really terrible happens to someone else, I sometimes don't let it penetrate me at all and have to "act" upset for them. I assume this is a defense mechanism because I am a very caring person, but it makes me feel really bad, like I'm a bad person. Any insight into this behavior?

hi paulien!! can we do EFT whenever we want to or is it only effective when we're having bad thoughts? i do different sessions of EFT, each covering different things: fear of abandonment, judgement, rejection, the feeling of not being enough and to let go of the walls that i put up on my heart. right now for example the only emotion that is coming up a little (very little, because i'm distracted) is the feeling of not being enough, so i'm doing EFT focusing on this aspect. but can i also explore all those other aspects i mentioned even though i'm "ok" with them at the moment? your content has been saving me. thank you so much ♥️🇧🇷🌻

Love your vids in understanding the FA but can you make more videos or at the end of your videos give some tips for the PARTNER on how to handle these bhaviors of the FA? ❤

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

9 ай бұрын

Thank you, I will look into to this❤

I have a question: i seem to be identifying with the FA style but i notice that the intimacy that doesnt drag me awah is sleeping on call with my partner (i asked for a break so idk if she still wants to be with me or if after ahe chooses to leave) and watching a movie. What could this mean since i relate to pulling away while wanting intimacy or a deeper connection ???

Hi Paulien, quick question. If you don't have the time to answer, no worries. I'm thinking about beginning as a content creator and doubting whether or not to do it in English or Dutch. Could you tell me what your decision was based on to do it in English?

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870

Жыл бұрын

Ik doe allebei! Ik heb ook een Nederlands kanaal. Deze is in het Engels omdat het echt heel erg een niche is, en daardoor de kans niet groot is dat er veel nederlandstaligen deze specifieke video's over 1 hechtingsstijl kijken. Dus het hangt af van de grootte van de doelgroep, maar ook gewoon wat je leuk vindt en wil doen :)

oh jesus christ hahaha i did not know i was this

You sound dismissive avoidant. The fawn response is more common than fight in FAs

@Nightswim_

Ай бұрын

Not at all, dismissive leave at sign of conflict

paulien you are soo sweet its makes me feel soo in love with you deeply you just need a real macho men like to be there and strong for you ;)

@freemind7388

11 ай бұрын

like me