I can't hold in the thought I had coming out, and it just bursts out of me. If it doesn't, I forget what I'm gonna say.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

I've been there for sure! I have really worked on this and I'm a little better now but sometimes it's still hard.

So, I've recently been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and one of the things I have learned was that Autism and ADD/ADHD often go hand in hand... along with a handful of other what are described as "neurological disorders". Growing up I had some issues with dyslexia, which I recently learned is another comorbidity of add/adhd. I interrupt people and it's really hard to control sometimes. I wasn't really aware of it before until someone pointed it out to me. Now I always think about it. I know that sometimes I do it because I'm worried I was going to forget my point, so I try to get it out there. Sometimes I do it to interject my understanding into a conversation in an attempt to relate to the speaker. Either way, I know it's disruptive...

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

It is so hard to become more self aware of ones actions when dealing with others - i have too much else on my mind.

@Goaddichnixan

8 ай бұрын

I have the same issue due to my adhd. However I get interrupted a lot as well and struggle to be heard by other people because they do not really listen to the actual words I am saying. So nobody is perfect. We are not the only ones who should be working towards better communication. I have a friend that just does not stop talking if she is not finished even if I try to mindlessly interrupt her because what she is saying is sparking thoughts I want to share with her that relates to what she is saying. I think this is a good way for neurotypical friend to handle this. In my experience I do not get a word out if I wait until someone has finished talking in a group setting. Because every time I wait for the pause, someone else has pitched in and the conversation is quickly turned into another direction so my contribution would not fit anymore. So interrupting is sometimes the only way to communicate that I have something to share and not be invisible. If I interrupt someone or talk before someone else could talk I also always come back to that person and ask what they wanted to say. Because I know how frustrating it is if you tried to say something but someone else started to talk. So I feel that I give people more space to talk than people give me.

that is 100% me! Often I also complete the sentences of the others during a conversation. If I mask this trait, I feel kind of bored because I'm already further along in my thoughts. * a wonderful weekend to all of us out there*

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Arno - yes! I also have to stop myself from finishing others sentences when I am feeling like I am getting the information too slow. I have really had to work on that one because everyone processes at a different pace.

@normantouchet4185

Жыл бұрын

Same with me,

I more often find myself to be the one interrupted, especially if there is more than one other person. I will be thinking about what to say relevant to the conversation. Then when I notice a chance to speak, either I speak too softly and someone else louder than me interrupts, or I wait for the right time, but the conversation topic starts to shift and I don't even get my first word out. Thankfully some people are aware of all that, and will directly ask me what I wanted to say, which is extremely helpful. Although, if I am very interested in a topic, I do have a tendency to ramble on with unnecessary detail and offer little chances for others to talk. I have definitely improved my self-awareness regarding that, so it doesn't happen to the extent it used to.

@buttercxpdraws8101

2 жыл бұрын

Yeh, same. It’s pretty frustrating!

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Graham, I can see how it could go in the other direction as well, were you are the one getting interrupted. I guess in that way you would have to have people around you that know this and allow you to speak. Good point.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your experience.

@spectralpod

Жыл бұрын

This is the case for me, too! I've been noted as a very good listener, but mostly I find that it's because other people interrupt and talk over me. When they do ask me what I think, sometimes I don't know what to say because I just assumed I wouldn't have the chance and hadn't yet bothered to organize my thoughts and formulate them into words. 😵‍💫

@jondeik

3 ай бұрын

This. But my father claims I interrupt him, when he’s actually the one interrupting me all the time

For me, I struggle in my mind when to speak, and I never take the risk of interrupting incorrectly. I have stood outside a small circle of people, waiting for the right time to interrupt. But ending up walking away because I couldn’t find the right moment. After awhile, I forget why I’m there. It’s even worse when they look directly at you but don’t acknowledge your presence! “I’m here, can’t you see me? Look at my face, I think it looks like I need something!”

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah “entering the chat” in person is the worst

Hi Claire. This exactly reflects my experience. I think that I am pretty good at masking and passing for neurotypical in most respects, but this is not one of them. I find the issue is multiplied where there's more than one other person in the conversation. I sit there and see them effortlessly taking turns, each finding the moment to say something, while I am trying to find my turn. Either I sit there waiting, and don't end up saying anything, or I blunder in and interrupt. It is like merging onto a freeway - neurotypicals drive smoothly down the on-ramp, matching speeds with a gap in the traffic and seamlessly joining the flow, while we either end up stopped waiting for a gap or pull out in front of a truck and everyone has to hit the brakes and dodge around us. I think that there's just some signal that we aren't seeing. As well, as you say, there's just so much going on in my head, sucking up resources - am I wearing the right expression? Am I at the right distance? What should I say? How shall I say it? Should I say it at all? There's also the massive amount of incoming data to process, from their facial expression and tone to all of the other sensory input from the light, background noise, background movement, smells and so on, and a brain that is racing at a million miles an hour with dealing with all of this and the extraneous thoughts to which I'm prone. I think that taking a beat or two to respond is a good idea, in theory, but you can find that you've missed the gap. I also try to use little cues, like maybe a little gesture or throatclearing - NTs seem to do this, and that is where I learned it. It doesn't work terribly well though.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Oh the little cues you mentioned are good to know, I wouldn't have thought of them.

@MrAtheistQueen

Жыл бұрын

I can totally relate to this! It really does get exponentially worse the more people you add! Some accommodations I asked for at work were: having a formal agenda for each formal meeting; to take turns speaking or at least give everyone a chance to contribute to the conversation (if they are comfortable); and to allow extra time for me to think before I respond (even if that means saying I'll get back to them later). I still interrupt, but knowing I will get a turn or knowing I don't have to respond in the moment has really helped me do it less often, which feels like progress.

I literally just found this video because I am frantically looking for ways to explain this to my husband. I hear all the things that this lady just said. I’ve tried and tries to explain and he is convinced that I am just interrupting and talking over because I don’t care or I think what he’s saying doesn’t matter. I’ve tried very hard to curb this but I usually don’t know I’ve done it until *after* I’ve done it. He just quits talking to me. Not entirely but he ends the conversation even when I apologize and say that I really am interested and do want to hear what he’s saying. Sometimes I’m trying to relate or show that I am understanding his point and then here we go… He’s aware I’m autistic as well as have adhd. This makes communication horrible sometimes and when I’m focusing so hard on listening, showing interest, not interrupting etc.,,all that happens is I have no idea what’s been said. All my attention has been on “behaving”. I’m really tired of not doing it right but I hope maybe he will hear from others what I’ve been saying all along. My whole household growing up is ND except my mom. She hated it that she could never get a word in edgewise when we were all together. 7 of us having a conversation would be 7 of us talking all at the same time. But we had no problem keeping up and understanding. Just her and she’d sit there mad. Lol Anyway…love the video and hope my husband can see that this is common and what is really happening.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Stephanie I can relate to you a lot. I have really struggled myself especially with communicating with my spouse. It has gotten better for me with medication and therapy for my ocd. I am still constantly working on it - esp finishing sentences. I need to remind myself I don’t know what he’s going to say. I hope things get better for you.

Oh, yes! My life story, especially at meetings at work! Or on the phone! My solution was to stop talking, but that didn't work well, either. It's so hard. Online or asynchronous communication, like letters, is so much easier. I also struggle in getting the right register. In college, someone told me I spoke to kids like they were adults and to adults like they were kids. My best advice is self-compassion. It's just hard. Oh! Breathing helps me! But then, I focus more on the breath and sometimes forget to listen, but at least I'm relaxed! In meetings, I used to write down the thoughts that occurred to me which seemed important and relevant so I could share them at the end. That sometimes helped.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

This is great advice Cathy. My husband and I dated long distance for the first several years we dated. We spoke mostly in writing and I think it's probably why we got to know each other well. It's easier for me to type.

I know what it is like to be in situations like that. I always felt as though I had to be the person talking in order to be part of the conversation when I later learned, sometimes, you can just listen and be a good listener. You learn a lot when you listen is what I've learned. And I agree, self awareness is very important.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your input Nolan!

My group has 2 autistic people, an ADHDer, and 2 others who don't struggle with interrupting. We've started doing something I find extremely helpful. When someone is talking and you have something to say, we hold out a finger (like a "1 moment" signal. But you could also raise a hand) to show the other person/people you want to say something, but are trying to let them finish their thought. It gives the person a chance to finish, or to realize if they're rambling and should give you a chance. This works pretty well for us.

@WoodshedTheory

9 ай бұрын

great idea!

I've had a lot of problems with this. I think I'm much better with it now. Partly, I feel the need to do so less; partly, I am better at doing so politely. I have greatly improved my eye contact, and it is a very powerful tool. Typically, I can make eye contact and signal that I wish to interrupt. They usually will pause to let me, or sometimes say/signal hold on and wrap things up to give me the floor. A conversation is like a game of catch, passing the ball back and forth. If I look at you expectantly you know I want you to throw me the ball. Conversely, if they want to throw you the ball, they look to see if you are ready to catch it. Them trying to make eye contact towards the end of a statement could mean it is your turn to speak.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

I hadn't thought to look for these cues - ugh does it mean I need to start the eye contact thing? >.< anyway good advice!

Totally relate! And then once I start, I don’t know when to stop 🤦‍♀️. Thanks for this one Claire!

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Marie!

I used to be terrible at interrupting growing up but I've definitely become more mindful of it and better at not doing as much as I've matured.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I couldn't listen at all - i would hear the first sentence and then go somewhere

(I am not diagnosed autistic but my fiance thinks I could be.) I interrupt people all the time and I feel so rude afterwards. Trying to be better. I just jump right in with my own thoughts or finish sentences, etc.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Yes I wonder what it would be like NOT to feel like this. Like I am so interested in knowing what it must be like to know when you talk.

[tl;dr] Communication is hard... I wish I had sage words here, but I just suck at this. As a child, I learned only to wait until I was acknowledged and watch for hold gestures. I think the ADHD actually makes it worse because not only do I predict half of what will be said, but the impulsivity and urgency kick in. People really hate it when I touch on previous topics from the conversation, but only when I do it, even if I'm keeping up and continue with the current topic. I would guess I interrupt, depending on the conversation and day, somewhere between 20% and 60% of the time. Seems I can't tell the difference between a period and a really long comma. One on one is better, larger is far far worse. All in all, I either interrupt, the topic changes, or I opt out of speaking because I don't want to be rude. I usually end up feeling like I caught one to the bread basket and got scolded harshly, all while keeping a calm and relaxed demeanor because no one will understand that emotional response. There are just some things you can't explain, even to people who care. How do you communicate that you can't physically find the air when you weren't actually hit? How do you describe to someone that the physical effects of all emotions are always turned up to eleven, and the only thing that varies with the intensity of the emotion is your ability to exert control over how you respond to it?

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Randall sorry to hear you struggle with this as well. I know it is hard for me too because I want to do better but sometimes I still mess up.

This is a huge problem and I'm sitting here crying due to the fact that I feel like I'm ruining my marriage. My heart hurts that when we argue he feels so invalidated. I just want to get this under control so bad!!

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Shannon I am so sorry I totally get it. I have felt this so much. I’ve just kept working on myself and that’s all I can do, but sometimes it feels helpless.

@ShannonMamaMakeupBagby

Жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory thank you so much for this video. I have been using your techniques to help myself regulate my emotions and to be more disciplined in my quick response.

@T.T.M.60

Жыл бұрын

I’ve been interrupting my husband our entire marriage. I now know as a late diagnosed autistic person why I do it but I still feel bad because he should be able to finish his thoughts. We came up with something that works for us, sometimes. If I want to say something before I know he’s finished, I say his name and he has the choice of either letting me speak or he keeps going. It’s hard for both of us but it’s the best we’ve come up with so far.

The best way can describe it (asd as well here) is it's like an itch. It's not that we are trying to be rude but yes when lulls in a person's thought happen we might read that as an end point to their speech. What's more if there is something in our head that excites us that's the itch part I was referring to. Anyone who has suffered bad allergies knows what it's like to have itchy eyes from pollen, it's almost unbearable and even though you KNOW you shouldn't scratch the itch sometimes the desire for relief is unbearable. So, it ends up bursting out. That's what it's like. At least the best metaphor I could think of.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

What a great way to put it. Also sometimes I don’t even hear the other person speaking when I go to answer.

@chickensandwich8808

2 жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory same, and I'm very much one of those people that actually has to respond to someone's initial statement, either saying it back to them or responding to them immediately as a way to process the information. They might take this as interruption, but I even respond to text the same way. It's the same as in a forum when someone breaks down a person's response point by point and copy pastes their quotes to respond underneath. The biggest takeaway from this video is that we do not mean to interrupt and come off rudely, so when someone tries to criticize or "discapline" someone who is ASD for that reason the ASD person will feel like that outrage is coming out of the blue and doesn't make the connection immediately. But, it does reinforce the idea that we should just "shut up" so we mask. Masking is EXHAUSTING. it's why so many of us can be highly introverted(not all of us but many) because we just get so exhausted masking all the time to avoid confrontation that we don't see coming. Those of us that can mask effectively are aware enough to know this world was not built with us in mind. The social conventions and expectations were already placed in many ways with biases towards and against neurotypical people, so sometimes it feels like we neurodivergents don't stand a chance and that gets overwhelming. I am not saying we don't need to better ourselves, we absolutely do, but it can't be through the lens of neurotypical expectations, and that's where patience is GREATLY appreciated. (I speak in generalities but everyone is different. Mostly I speak on what I have learned through shared experience with other folks who are ASD)

@ceridwannesmith4156

2 жыл бұрын

That's a good way to explain it. In my own experience anyway.

I absolutely relate to this. 🙂 Unintentionally interrupting and going off on tangents is something that I still grapple with every one in a while. I'm usually quiet in a group setting to avoid interrupting whoever is talking. Then I'm asked if something is wrong when I'm quiet since I usually talk too much, lol (can't win for trying, I suppose). I noticed that I only have an occasional breakdown in communication with my neurotypical friends. One thing I've found that helped a little was to hold onto an object (a toy car) when it was my turn to speak, and then pass it to the next person when it was their turn. It didn't work for long since my attention span is a little short. Interestingly, I can have tangential conversations with my friends who have ADHD. We can bounce from one topic to another without having awkward silence. Conversations feel more natural that way for some reason, haha.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

It does appear that ND people don't struggle to communicate with each other as much.

@lynleyhocking872

Жыл бұрын

I totally relate! Talking to other folk who are neuro divergent is such a relief. It feels normal. We can chop and change and interrupt each other and it's not so bigger deal.

This was super helpful Claire. I completely agree that awareness is key. And it does often help to apologize and inform about communication. I also find that if I keep my hands busy (like with knitting), it "calms" my brain and I interupt less. (Like being in listening mode. 😅)

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Karianne :)

Thank you for this! I can't fix this problem either, but I really like the idea of just telling people I have communication problems so they won't think I'm rude. I think it will save me and them a lot of the anxiety I have about conversations afterward.

@WoodshedTheory

11 ай бұрын

It can be helpful to let people know - I’m not sure how it would effect a social situation

This is probably why I also have more problems on the phone than in person...because you obviously can't see when the other person has stopped talking

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I really struggle on the phone - I hate it!

Same. I try so hard to give and take in a conversation but I can just never get a balance that actually reflects how I feel about the person I’m talking to, or even the topic discussed. It is so frustrating 🙄

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I totally get it. It’s really hard.

Can we all just acknowledge the fact that, this is the most relatable person ever and she is spitting straight facts. I do not try to do these things, I have to speak what is on my mind, but that pause. It kills me. I WaNt To SpEaK but I don’t know when to or when you stop, the pause is telling me that you are done, because I don’t pause when I talk I stutter or will still talk during the pause. I also over share which does not make the fact that you have just interrupted them any better.

Great video. This was my exes biggest problem with me. Kept telling me that I needed to go to counseling because I didn't communicate correctly by their standards. This was pre diagnosis...it's clear now why. I too have tried to change, but cannot. Now, those who are willing to be patient with me as their friend knows that I may (will) communicate differently a day are good with it enough that we both chuckle with I do. In turn, makes me comfortable and NOT shut down.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Kelly, I absolutely struggle with it in my relationship as well. It is much much better now but sometimes it still happens.

Your tips 1/ early over eager "relating" 2/ giving extra time 3/ knowing self limitations Are really useful 👍

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks I am glad to have you here. Thanks for your TWO comments.

I can't even tell you how much I needed to hear this today. I've been so stressed out because some people at work don't seem to enjoy my company and I figured out I come across as rude which I try so hard not to do

@roughedgerodeinvestigation383

Жыл бұрын

Or I'm "extra" which is just as frustrating

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I get it - it’s hard to find a place In this world

I not only relate but still, at age 58 can't control jumping in with my thoughts when I get excited. I'm not sure if it helps, but I've gotten into the habit of blurting out what was on my minds and then saying, '...and you were saying?...' or repeating back the last part of what they were saying to show I was listening and ready to hear more.

@WoodshedTheory

11 ай бұрын

That is an interesting approach - I’ve been learning to be comfortable with not getting to share everyone of the points I think of - it’s hard but rewarding cause I get to hear from other people

Yeah I do this. I’m not being rude, it’s just that if I don’t say anything I will forget it and lose track of something I feel is important for the conversation

We are self programmed on the fly. Sometimes we dont always get it right but i always find people with this neurotype to be very comforting. I know our expressions do not live within us but i always feel so rewarded when given a smile. We a single threaded processing so speaking will consume that processor until finished and then we can adjust our expressions and body language. Each distinct action consumes the processor until finished. I feel our neurotype is easily identified and should be allowed to function the way we are able.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

thanks for sharing

I've always struggled with conversation cause I seem to be completely unable to put my words into thoughts. A part always seems to be inaccurate or incorrectly nuanced. It takes me too much time to process information and find out what I'm gonna say. This often results in me getting frustrated and people drifting away. For the biggest part of my life, people were convinced I was slow and stupid, shy and unsocial but no, I am just autistic. I have my issues with communication and I don't want to let anyone shame me into feeling bad about it anymore. Like you said, being honest and open about those things help tremendously get your point across to other people. They might be able to better seize your intentions.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

I always say I sound very eloquent in my head - I think you are correct you can’t let yourself feel bad about something you literally can’t change.

OMG I am a reporter...recently self diagnosed, and people I interview sometimes give me that feedback, that I ask so many questions but don't let them answer! So I am aware of this at last. But I would like to explain ... 1: I have already understood what you are explaining 2: I can perfectly continue listening to you while I am popping out the next question (s). = I am fast, I am SO intense, all the time, and especially when the subject really spurs my interest. Interrupting is how impatient I am to understand everything. It is ME, communicating my passion about about something, about my work. But not everyone gets it. SO.... I tried slowing down, letting people finish. But they hardly ever do... And I feel desperate and annoyed that everything like drags on forever, it feels so frustrating, like when you're a fast walker and you have to wait for everyone to get going. Pretty exhausting. So I tried raising my finger like at school, to signal that I m ready ro react ! Nobody sees it... Damn.... This is pretty much how I feel about being autistic: being so intense, in every area I chose to invest in, that slowing down, or taking a break, is nearly impossible. If it was, I feel like I would simply be showing total disinterest in something...

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

This sounds tough I hope you can find a solution

Yes to every word of this video. The only time the impulse is NOT present is when I'm too shy to engage, and it's most present and hardest to mask when I'm happy and like the interlocutor. And gods forbid the topic should be a special interest topic--then it is going to happen with relish. In some contexts I have been described as interupting or talking-over; in more convivial ones, "bubbly."

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing

Hey Claire another awesome video and a very important topic !!

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Gemma, always great to see you here.

One of the best things about watching interesting videos like this is I can interrupt anytime I want by hitting the pause button, then resume after I get my point across... and nobody gets their feelings hurt that I actually do sincerely care about...

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

i like that idea

The other side of this, as an autistic person with ADHD, is that I rarely get to finish my sentences. Neurotypical people cut me off constantly and I am unable to talk over people. I have thoughts lined up, but choose the really pertinent ones to express concisely as possible, but am always cut off as soon as a neurotypical has something to say, which, apparently is always more important than whatever I am saying.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

That is an excellent point. The cadence is off on both ends during a conversation.

Hi Claire, I can partially relate to this topic, just because my social interactions were so rare, but it happened. And also my cluttering doesn't help me to have a normal conversation. Have a nice weekend.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

But Pass, I hear from you almost every day! That's a social interaction, correct? :)

@passaggioalivello

2 жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory You're right, but I prefer the written form, by voice everything is more complicated.

It might help to ask the person to repeat themselves after you interrupt them and ask what we're you saying it also might help to write down what you're going to say or to ask questions because usually asking questions and waiting for the answers helps organize the conversation

@WoodshedTheory

9 ай бұрын

Those are good ideas.

I sing like that to my grandkids. Just sing talk to them. Gets them excited and moving.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

i love to sing as well

Learn. To. Listen. Use physical objects to stim while they are talking. Use audible queues, like the 3 to 5 second pauses in vocal articulation. At this point it's just frustrating to talk to me autistic roommate. He still doesn't understand my type 1 bipolar. I explicitly said my mind is a whirlwind of noise, and trying to grasp a strand of coherent thought to voice is already insanely hard-- especially if im already in a charged mood. The moment I get interrupted, it's gone. And being criticized for being stupid, for that, has almost had my intermittent explosive disorder lash out at him. I cannot overstate how hard it is for me to stiffle my frustration, if my dialogue and thought process is constantly being garbled by someone that can't find a conversation model to adhere to with discipline. It's either I punch myself in the face or simply leave the room

@WoodshedTheory

10 ай бұрын

it sounds like you would both are having issues communicating with one another, sorry to hear that.

I guess it is disturbing for NTs to talk over as they have the non verbal message (emotions, social reciprocity) to get through too which I as an autistic ignore -as to me it looks as it is just lot of head shaking, being theatrical with the eyes, and lots of to me unnecessary feelings - and I reflect on the verbal message, and I reflect on it quickly as I cannot reflect on the nonverbal message as to me it is a mixture of disturbing signals.

Often for me it can feel like I already know what's going to be said (admittedly not always correctly) and am jumping ahead too much. I too need to learn to give more time and try to be more present with the conversation instead of seeing ahead of it so much. But it can be hard to be really present when being so aware of so many things like the content of the conversation as well as it's flow and trying to manage that, body language, eye contact (where I'm looking and for how long), other things around me in the room like sounds and objects, things out the windows, unrelated things I need to remember (single parent) etc etc. All that observer energy, it's like we have very little autopilot!

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your thoughts

@novascotia8192

Жыл бұрын

When you start laughing at their humorous story four words in because you've already worked out where it is headed and have played out the entire scenario in your head.

Omg yes.4:33. They use to say what are you stupid because everyone else got it like that but I was processing more then they were. There processor only 1 dimensional where yours is multi. I watching body laughter learning what ever you say and in the background I'm trying to find memories or something that relates so I can have a better understanding of you and what you are saying and picking up personality traits of yours too. Maybe that why is hard for us to socialize. It's draining to do that all the time.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Yes we have a lot more to sift through then just what is being said

im right there with you, my friend. i tend to be antisocial, i helps. im 67 and recently diagnosed myself. it gl;azes my mind over when people talk too much and i cant follow. great video!

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Nancy I hope you are finding clarity right now.

@nancyz3755

Жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory thank you.its def freeing up my mind.

I love Miss Mugs already.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Im not sure what you mean but Okay!

I work with a 70 year old man. I noticed that he doesn't do the excited one-upmanship thing in a conversation, he listens patiently even when I interrupt him. Guilt over this is making me put in the effort to pay attention to others and to interrupt less. I'm using him as a role model. I don't have too much of a problem as long as I realize I'm about to interrupt. Maybe I'm not on the spectrum, maybe I'm just an asshole :p

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a great role model!

@lucib8497

2 жыл бұрын

Examples like your friend have helped me too. However, be careful not to criticize yourself too much. I’ve felt so bad about my communication issues that I’ve withdrawn from many social interactions. I’m finding it’s better to let them know what’s happening and ask if I can share something.

This is a good place to repeat a story - my youngest has ADHD and most likely undiagnosed autism. Sometimes, we are able to navigate this by interrupting with a single word as a place holder. We interrupt, say the key word, the other confirms it, and we move on. Then when one of us is done talking, one of the two of us brings up the keyword and we go that direction.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I love the place holder strategy

Thank you for this topic!!!!

@WoodshedTheory

11 ай бұрын

Thanks for the support

If I’m really honest with myself and everyone(lol I have ASD I’m brutally honest always the ASD jokes). I sometimes interrupt just to be done with the conversation. NTs tend to repeat themselves sometimes a lot. And if I’ve already heard a story once I don’t want to listen to it again. I’ve trained myself to sit on my tongue(like sitting on your hands when you move to much) and wait it out, this leads to internal discussions sometimes between my self and Austin(my autism). He usually want to jump the gun and interrupt right away. It’s easier with people that already know me and are aware of Austin. They often just continue what they where saying after Austin gets done. I do find myself processing and talking at the same time. That leads to what I refer to as slowed speech where my brain hits overload and it need to process before speaking or speak before processing. Since you don’t get replies: “what will you do when you run out of videos lol”. I will finally be able to give you video ideas because I will know exactly what you’ve already done videos about. Austin will have to wait until you release more videos. He’ll probably go bother Orion lucky him lol.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

haha this made me laugh - i want to be able to say out loud sometimes "i am not interest in anything you are saying right now" but i have learned it's rude lol

...Or for the same reason I reflect later as the NTs lots of disturbing signals prevented me to process the info properly...

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

I’m not sure myself

Love this video and thank you for posting

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Leah always great to see you here. I hope you are well.

I constantly do I do a mechanism now where I say I'm so sorry I interrupted you finish what you want to say

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

That is a great place to start

@DaveTravelsinTime

Жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory I agree my worker is real chill about it she has a sister on the spectrum too

Great topic. Great video. In fact I’d say it’s one of your best.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Really? That's so nice! I've been having a rough few days so I am just glad to get some work out.

@orionkelly

2 жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory 💯 I haven’t been productive for over a month so you’re doing amazing.

I really enjoyed this video! Thank you ♾🌈

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much that means a lot. Hope you are well.

I’ve either talk too little or too much and feel like I can never get it right.

What has helped me with increasing my internal processing speed was to get adhd diagnosed and then take Adderall. I know that probably sounds terrible but it certainly helps fill in the deficits and allow my communication to appear much smoother and operate near the same level in a conversation as a neurotypical

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I am happy you found something that helps you!

I was unaware for a lomg time how much I tend to interrupt. It wasn't until I got around a really ADHD kid and he started interrupting me all the time that I realized that that's how I appear to others.

@WoodshedTheory

4 ай бұрын

yes i only know cause my loved ones have pointed it out mostly

I’ve been like this especially since before knowing I’m autistic I can try but I can’t really help it if something’s on my mind I want to say it without a lot of people talking too much before I could even get my points across for now I guess I’ll have to keep my thoughts of what I want to say written somewhere so then I don’t have to come off as ignorant and annoying by wanting to get my thoughts out so much but no matter what I try I’ll never learn how to let people be done before I could talk next

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

thanks for sharing

I talk not enough or to much. I feel like its never perfect 😅

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I get that 100%

Ohhhh emmm Geee Yes!! Thanks for this Chloe! All of what you said ia a huge challenge for me, and yes, getting the diagnosis has helped me to be more forgiving with myaelf, and be better aware. Still got a long way to go, but I've also been using the tools you mentioned, and also try to consciously speak slower to calm my brain, and stop my thoghts feom racing so fast, , and I carry a small notebbok, and pen around to take notes when I have an idea, or thought so that I dont blurt in as much, (also have ADHD, so double whammy, lol), but also dont forget my thought, and can stay focused better on what the speaker is saying, and respond on topic without forgetting my thought Gotta share this video; so very helpful!

@blonze69

2 жыл бұрын

*sorry, Claire, not Chloe..lol

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

It's alright I knew what you meant :) I love the notebook idea. I am an avid note taker.

awesome video claire, I caught myself doing this at christmas with the family, but I was sober, so I used to be not as talkative and very drunk , now that I"m sober I realize it. But it's never been the biggest problem, the anxiety and misunderstandings are for me.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

What kind of misunderstandings do you experience? That may be a good topic for a video.

@FirstmaninRome

2 жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory well, my Morose expression is taken wrong cause thats my testing state. My smile is "Always fake looking" according everyone, and either viewed as supremely arrogant or totally incompetent. I have a video i made about it called "i am a social challenger disaster" little bit hung over in that video id fired the day before Misinterpretted then as well, lol

@FirstmaninRome

2 жыл бұрын

Also people think im gay a lot, think my dad has floated this recently, lol i could be the girlrock, i bet these are things ylu dont struggle with claire

I’ve been looking for resources to help me understand my autistic wife. This video explains a lot and I thank you for sharing your experiences. My wife tends to speak very quietly (she tells me that if she “speaks up” she hears herself shouting). But she gets very irritated with my constant “what?” “I can’t hear you” “please speak up” requests. Then she goes silent and expresses a lot of anger if I persist in asking her to repeat what she said. She thinks I am hard of hearing (I’m not. I get tested regularly to prove that my hearing is fine). What have been your experiences with this, if any? This, for me, goes hand in hand with your topic of interrupting. She interrupts me (and everyone else) constantly. She gets very frustrated and aggressive when this is pointed out (usually claiming that it is the other person who is actually interrupting her). She often complains to me after conversations, especially in groups, that no one listens to her or interrupts her (talking over the top of her like she frequently does to them). She blames men for this tendency to “get louder and louder” in group conversations. I can’t disagree with her about that. It’s a dominance display. But she still attempts to out-man the men in conversations and usually just gives up because we are typically able to continue to increase our speaking volume quite a bit past where it is painful for her to endure. “Why do you always have to yell?” I’ll start watching through all of your videos and comments because it is invaluable to have another female with ASD who can share her perspectives and experiences. It really does help me understand my wife. P.S. I have ADHD and suspect I may be ASD as well but am undiagnosed.

@WoodshedTheory

10 ай бұрын

Hmm I know some autistic people are sound sensitive so maybe it does sound loud to her. I struggle with talking over people as well - I’ve gotten a lot better but it has to do with delayed processing

Thank you, I'm 58 years old, I have not ever been able to stop this, let me know if someone does.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Hi Norman, it has taken a lot for me to make some progress and i still make mistakes. i wish i could help more!

Ooh ...who thinks too much Interoception during social conversation is part of the processing load and hence part of "the problem" ?

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

That is a good point!

I think from working in call centres that I’m pretty good at it under some circumstances now but it takes lots of concentration. Although I usually had set things I had planned to say in certain scenarios and as long as my usual scripts and peoples’ responses were going as I planned then I was ok. I struggle a lot in everyday speech, but I am acutely aware when I am interrupting (I’m not sure whether it’s common to be aware of it). Sometimes this can lead to the inability to speak as well. If I have been uninterested in what the people around me have been talking about and I have been physically unable to speak and suddenly they start talking about something I’m interested in that is usually when my interrupting and judging my turn to speak is at its worst and I come across as rude. If I’m agitated or emotional it all goes wrong and I’m also at my worst and people get angry with me.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your insight

It's one of the things that frustrates me about myself 😅

My family always interrupt me, last time I went back home I was trying to be more sociable and they all just talk over me, so I thought, hang on, maybe I'm talking too much but I really wasn't. I try to get involved and talk about what they want to talk about, when I say something and pause to think of my next sentence, it's like BOOM they are in, and then the conversation has completely changed! So I'm just sitting there buffering, thinking "What the hell just happened?" and if I do pluck up the courage to be like "Excuse me, could I just finish what I was saying?" They all stare at me like I just stabbed the cat, "You know what, I forgot what we were talking about." I hadn't but it's now no longer relevant. Every fucking time.

@WoodshedTheory

9 ай бұрын

Sorry that is frustrating

Hey Claire!

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Scully!

Lol whisper. " It is🤣🤣"

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

glad you get it

No im eye contact person in serious situations or if I just meet someone and I'm trying to read them.i didn't talk much as a kid

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

in serious situations i REALLY struggle with eye contact

Definitely me.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

You aren't alone at all.

Yup, this is me 😊

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

greetings

Guilty as charged. If I had some suggestions on how to avoid interrupting others then I would tell you.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Maybe we can find someone to sell us the secrets!

Yay!

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

It's Philip with the YAY!

It has to do with the fact that the asd person has no interest in what the other person has to say. The Asd-er is more in conversation with themselves and the other person is just a stand in. The only thing that will help is to develop an interest in other people, not just your own mind dwellings.

@WoodshedTheory

7 ай бұрын

Interesting points, thank you for sharing

This is something I struggle so much with. I try to not do it and I try to allow other people to speak in conversation but it always ends up with me not being able to say like at least half of I want to say! Do NT people just not get their thoughts out and have no problem with that?

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

This is my lifelong struggle for real

I have speculated that my boss is on the spectrum and he constantly talks over not only his employees but he talks over clients which does not bode over well. Googling led me to this video to see if there was a connection between the behavior and his possible diagnosis ( he’s never shared with us that he is). I’m finding it hard to communicate with him because of this and some of our clients get upset with his actions. I wish he would come forward by being honest and state that he has communication issues. Any suggestions on how manage this situation?

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Hi Jay, I hesitate to comment on this as it sounds like a very very complicated situation. It is really dangerous to diagnose someone with anything if you aren't a medical professional. So yeah I am not sure.

Interesting

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

indeed

I haven’t been diagnosed with ASD but have every symptom and I have been struggling with this my whole life. It ruins my relationships. I’ve been trying to figure out where to go to get a diagnosis. If anyone has ANY resources let me know.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I really feel for you I struggle with this as well and it hurts when people get upset because you really dont mean it or do it on purpose. A good place to find diagnosis is aane. org they set me up with some suggestions.

I can't tell when a person is done talking, and I end up talking over them.

@WoodshedTheory

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it is so hard to know - I would think if a person took a pause after a sentence they must be done but that usually is not the case.

@auburneytuckerson2959

2 жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory Same

any ideas on how to *not* interrupt people in the middle of a conversation. this timing issue is a key feature of autism, or a dead giveaway (a tell). may people are skeptical that autism exists especially for the high functioning types.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

For me personally, I have learned to remind myself that I do not know what a person is going to say next and that i can't assume what they are going to say next. this has helped me listen more and not interrupt as much. usually what they are saying isn't at all what i thought they would

We do not mean to do this

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I understand

I have a question I hope you can answer? When you're speaking to someone do you ever find yourself repeating the same sentence or phrase or paragraph several times?

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

sometimes i suppose. are you referring to the phenomenon called echolalia?

@fixitright9709

Жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory not sure if there's any scientific technical name for it or not? I have learned for the most part how not to do it anymore, I usually do it when I'm describing a technical subject with somebody who is not familiar with it technicality, also I'm 64 right now and was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome many many years ago

It's not the talking. Its your need to voice. /Questioning and Silence is Enunciative.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Good point!

👍

@rockstarjazzcat

Жыл бұрын

Definitely struggled with this. In the past, and now, all while striving for conscientiousness in communication.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Cheers

I find what helps is to validate their point and ask can I share something… ? if they have finished… then ask to come back to either your point or theirs & kind of figure where everything fits what relevance it all has in where you are going with the conversation. Otherwise if it’s comedy that’s simple banter verging on masking but can go any direction. Helps to talk to people with similar interests unless you are trying to sell an idea or something. Also helps to ask for advice… say what do you think? Helps people add to what you are saying … otherwise it can seem like you talk too much & people feel excluded if you really love sharing a lot.

I have a question and wonder if someone can answer it for me? My friends have a friend who says he's autistic but he always talks over everyone and won't let anyone speak. He's also a bit disrespectful to our nonbinary and trans friends by misgendering everyone. Is this common at all? I hope also this doesn't come off rude. Im on the spectrum myself that's why I just thought they were being very rude but any help would be greatly appreciated

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

I am not sure about all of it, and I’m not a dr, but the talking over people thing is an asd thing - I struggle with it a lot, it used to be almost constant. I wonder is he misgendering people on purpose? Anyway again I’m not a dr.

@alexisblackheart565

Жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory thank you so much for your response it's possible then he might be being honest, I at least hope so if not that's a pretty bad thing to be doing. Again thank you for your response

Because we are social misfits.

i’m the autistic that GETS talked over

@WoodshedTheory

3 ай бұрын

thanks for sharing this - i know a lot of people who struggle with this

I know God wanted Me to watch this.

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

ah that is kind thanks for your support

Are you reading someone else's words?

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Me? In this video? I don’t think so… I may have been reading from my own script, as I used to do that a lot in my Older videos.

Interrupt? Isn't it, the complete oppposite way?

@WoodshedTheory

Жыл бұрын

Not sure what you mean? Are you saying people interrupt asd people?

@tolvfen

Жыл бұрын

@@WoodshedTheory Exactly, never let complete sentences be done for Autismic and Aspies