Ma’am, you had me at number one. The things I know now about red flags, I wish I would have known sooner. But you live and you learn. You are giving valuable advice to young women.

@amberdb04

3 жыл бұрын

Same 💯 great discussion

Another sign of an abusive relationship: Humiliating you infront of his friends and family.

@omg_dee2840

3 жыл бұрын

Making scenes in public areas 🚩🚩🚩🚩

@tiffanycarroll2256

3 жыл бұрын

Separating you from friends and family as well.

@iammar1159

3 жыл бұрын

@@tiffanycarroll2256 That’s a big one. Or when they get jealous of your relationships with your family and loved ones.

@nakiareddick9993

3 жыл бұрын

Omg yes

@SweetGee321

3 жыл бұрын

yesss my ex was like this and made me feel like shit

A couple of red flags for me are: 1.a man who feels to need to constantly nitpick The appearance of Black people( especially women). 2. A man that feels the need to tell successful Black people to “humble themselves” or “they’ve switched up” when another person noticeably happier. 3. Men with the irrational fear/ disdain of having daughters

@drushaw2968

3 жыл бұрын

the daughters one is serious ‼️‼️‼️‼️ thats a huge red flag

@sochidala8093

3 жыл бұрын

what does it mean when a man has an irrational fear or disdain for having daughters?

@Rhawn246

3 жыл бұрын

@@sochidala8093 It is said that men who treat women very badly have this fear that they wpuld live to see the same happen with their own daugjters

@kendallxberry2230

3 жыл бұрын

@@sochidala8093 they see women as sexual objects and not as human beings. When you hear men say this they ALWAYS follow it up with slut shaming their daughter for simply being sexual beings even they are of age.

@sherrytee2962

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!..told some guy his daughter was cute, laughs nervously and says she has his broad nose, show him a photo and my mum happens to be in the photo, same nervous laugh telling me about mine and my mother's nose being the same🙃 Also used the word female a lot, tells how much he cheated on the 2 mothers of his children including during pregnancy🤷‍♀️still seemed unremorseful... so important to listen with your ears, head and heart before getting physical...I think when you get physical it dulls your other senses to the red flags!

A major red flag personally is a man that speaks down on other women to bring you up. Like he might comment on another girl's appearance then praise you for looking better than her. Pick me girls might be flattered by that but for me thats so disrespectful, compliment me for me not in comparison to women you don't find attractive. Overall t shows he only respects attractive women.

@sugarpearl9781

3 жыл бұрын

This!!!! If a man can only be kind and respectful to women he’s attracted to, his kindness and respect is not genuine.

@WinxMagicalHero

3 жыл бұрын

Facts

@AmandaKavana

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! I always say comparative compliments are the weakest.

@missfefeloves

3 жыл бұрын

@@sugarpearl9781 👏👏👏💯

@ItsNyjah

3 жыл бұрын

Yesss I low key believe men love comparing and starting competitions between women more than women!

PINK FLAG: he cant give you a compliment or tell you that "you look nice" because HE thinks it will give you an "ego" RED FLAG: he likes to compete with you

@sherrytee2962

3 жыл бұрын

🤣 I used to purposely dress badly when I started to notice this guy wouldn't compliment me when I looked nice, he actually didn't really comment then either, not to me anyway 🤣 but really no compliments...very odd, he wanted me to say he was the best id ever had in bed though...I declined🤣🤣🤣. Seriously though and its funny because ordinarily i don't need a compliment it can just be implied but with the absence of a comment either way...honey, no!..Oh what he would say when I was getting dressed to go out was that I was wearing too much make-up... now to be fair, I had very little make up on when we met at a funeral and was wearing a horrible dress but my my my....also can I just say he seemed addicted to housewives of Atlanta and we're in the UK!..also whilst admitting he had a low libido was trying to slut shame me about a 25 year old relationship with the father of my children 🤔 Make it make sense.

@allineedismusicnlove

3 жыл бұрын

The first one is a red flag

@mobutter2879

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah! That always creeps me out! How , and why are you competing with a woman? It always makes me question their sexual identity! And then I quickly block all access to me❤️ Because I love me that much! ❤️❤️😂

@kentuckycriedfricken_

3 жыл бұрын

Yep HUGE red flags. Your my man your supposed to compliment me 🥺😒😂 NOT be in some kind of competition like an enemy would 💀

@pm1647

3 жыл бұрын

I could never have a guy that doesn't compliment I dated one of those who I left after 3 months 😂 I just assumed he wasn't that into me. My love language is compliments

If a man doesn’t know the difference between woman (noun) and female (adjective), don’t date him. This is basic English taught even to those learning English as a 2nd language.

@gmartin5453

3 жыл бұрын

Female is so dehumanizing, and it sucks because I even see women saying it. Imagine participating in your own dehumanization.

@iammar1159

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly. I get a weird feeling when they refer to men as “man” and refer to women as “female” like we’re some damn animals.

@themonsterwithin4000

3 жыл бұрын

@@iammar1159 I get your point but we’re indeed animals though 👁👄👁

@American_negroid_woman

3 жыл бұрын

@@iammar1159 i did too but then i realized there are trans people out here just calling themselves women and referring to us as cis and other names. I would rather be called woman synonymous with female. I get how they are making female sound derogatory though.

@ShelbieMua

3 жыл бұрын

@@iammar1159 I honestly never saw it that way until I read your comment. It makes sense

Another red flag: If he tells you that no one will love you as much as he loves you

@audreynicolemonroe

3 жыл бұрын

Could you elaborate?

@KassandraQuiseng

3 жыл бұрын

@@audreynicolemonroe so my ex used to say this to me so I’ll try to explain. Whenever a guy says “no one will ever love you like I love you” it’s usually a form of negging like saying “there’s something wrong with you and I’m the only person that can overlook it to love you.” Does that make sense? He’s making it seem as if he’s the only person who could ever truly love you or like he’s your soulmate that you would be missing out on if you broke up. I think a good comparison is how my ex used to say all the time “most guys think the gap in your teeth is ugly, but I don’t” so it made me feel like no one else would ever want me. How could I leave him if he was the only guy willing to look past my flaws? I got over that and dumped him, but still it made me feel like shit. I hope that makes sense? It’s kinda hard to articulate

@audreynicolemonroe

3 жыл бұрын

@@KassandraQuiseng I get what you're trying to say. Thank you so much.

@robim.2031

3 жыл бұрын

@@KassandraQuiseng yesss you said it perfectly. I'm glad you dumped him! And I hope that you've healed from that love

@ilysaportax33

3 жыл бұрын

@@audreynicolemonroe in contrast, me an my man broke up in the last few months (recently just got back together). During the breakup, I was rather nasty (out of hurt) and he would always say “well I hope you find better in the future, you deserve the best even if it’s not me”. That will always stand out to me vs. the men in my past who tried to convince me that they were the best I could do.

Some woman’s desperation gets ahead of their common sense. I had to talk my friend out of spending $1500+ for her boyfriend for his Bday. Mind you they haven’t even been together for 6 months. And he got her nothing for her Bday. It’s like you’re paying for him to be with you at that point. Ladies you don’t need to prove your worth to anybody.

@yoso5934

3 жыл бұрын

Wait, what????! Woman: got nothing but would spend $1500 for the man ???!! Yikes 😱

@hairweavetookblackmenoutth2132

3 жыл бұрын

@@yoso5934 a lot of desperate women out here.

@melissalitus8879

3 жыл бұрын

Damn you a real one for keeping it real with your friend. That guy had some nerve smh nothing for her bday?! She needs to keep it moving men will go all out for who they want just saying. I wouldn't give him nothing back in return, lol not even a $4 wendys meal 😂 he would be on his own trying me like that. The gift doesn't have to be expensive at all bit it's the fact he did nothing and she trying to go all out for him.. We are the prize ladies don't ever forget!!

@zittahamufungu

3 жыл бұрын

Was her birthday before his? Asking cause a friend is in a similar situation.

@NicoletCache

3 жыл бұрын

Thank God you saved her!

I really am convinced that a lot of men have unresolved trauma with their mother or other women in their lives so they project all their hate and conflicted feelings onto innocent women

@Royalrae23

3 жыл бұрын

My ex boyfriend literally told me that he did this then gaslighted me by telling me saying that he needed therapy but never attempted to get the help he need

@sarahjustice526

3 жыл бұрын

True

@rocklynax5580

3 жыл бұрын

@@Royalrae23 I’m really sorry that you had to go through this I have also had a bad experience with a man who had deep unresolved mummy issues

@shakhira.

3 жыл бұрын

That’s exactly what it is. Instead of resolving the issue with their mother or seeking counseling, they would rather project that anger and misery onto innocent, undeserving women. My ex boyfriend’s mother left him to be raised by his great grandmother while she continued to have more children and verbally told him that she wanted nothing to do with him. He was notorious for gaslighting me whenever I called him out on his crap. Whenever he disagreed with anything I had to say, he blamed it on me drinking alcohol when I don’t even drink. Always went out of his way to say mean jokes and degrade my ex whom he has never met. The last straw was when we were having a conversation he referred to other women as the B word and females. I blocked him because that’s clearly what he thought of me whenever I wasn’t around.

@christinem8799

3 жыл бұрын

absolutely agree. or some are just born to assholes for some reason

"Street pharmacy" should not be a long term hustle. Stop endangering ya lives being with these men ladies.

@jupitergonewild4933

3 жыл бұрын

I avoided these men at all costs

@Nekole1

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly, I agree

@TheeBratzDollxox

3 жыл бұрын

It’s so ghetto and not cute whatsoever. I couldn’t imagine birthing children into such a dangerous circumstance. We know how gangs and drug lords will get to ANYBODY, NO amount of grace and nobody gets a reprieve, not even newborns. Just flat out horrifying!!

@jupitergonewild4933

3 жыл бұрын

When I first saw this comment I instantly thought about the film poetic justice.

@kiiikaaaaaaaaaa7099

3 жыл бұрын

@@jupitergonewild4933 is it a good movie I might watch it :3

When black women HEAL we rise like a Phoenix. Glad you’re in a better place. Keep shining ✨☀️

@amab1853

3 жыл бұрын

So true!

@pattycannon1804

3 жыл бұрын

praise the lord 🙌🏻

@jazzminegoddess7968

3 жыл бұрын

AMEN!!!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@babygirla5717

3 жыл бұрын

Yes so true ❤️👏🏽

@nataliedahling

3 жыл бұрын

That's a whole word!

“Rather us be single & safe than in a relationship and in danger” 💯 that part

@melissalitus8879

3 жыл бұрын

Message 🎯

@BebaDivested

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@fran791

2 жыл бұрын

Yes maaam

when you said, “Men that don’t want children, need to look into getting vasectomies.” MA’AM THE WAY I SCREAMED! YOURE DAMN RIGHT!!

@monicanicole738

2 жыл бұрын

Yes..my ex told me he didn’t want kids but didn’t want to use condoms…he kept bringing up me being on birth control because all of his exes were on it. We had been together for barely 6 months. Also he would force me to take plan B. It got so bad I could predict when he’d go and buy plan B in bulk and just make me take it after intercourse for months. After awhile it started to mentally destroy me. I asked him why couldn’t he just get a vasectomy instead of punishing me like that. He didn’t even give me an answer, it was so fucking weird like you hate kids and don’t want them yet you want all your women on birth control and not use condoms

The biggest red flag for me is a man who think he can raise his voice at me. Quickest way to make me disappear.

@missfefeloves

3 жыл бұрын

Same 👏🏼

@HaveSumn_2Loose

3 жыл бұрын

Definitely

@Melly16yr10

3 жыл бұрын

Agreed

@cocoaxo6126

3 жыл бұрын

girlllll lemme hear his tone change …. walking out the door immediately

@Ashak2001

3 жыл бұрын

this!

I dealt with a lot of young girls who had “boyfriends” but didn’t know their government name, birthday, where they lived, etc.. They only knew their nicknames and what they were doing in the streets. That’s a problem.

“When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags”

@halosandhorns8330

3 жыл бұрын

Put it on a shirt

@neyo231

3 жыл бұрын

bojack horseman!

@blackberry1670

3 жыл бұрын

Preach!!

@iameloho718

3 жыл бұрын

Whew!

@user-lr6eq5fj8v

3 жыл бұрын

BOJACK!

Red flag... when he has no problem yelling and humiliating you In public

@Sunshine44488

2 жыл бұрын

It is a red flag if he yells and humiliates a woman in general. It is probably even more dangerous behind closed doors and can probably turn extremely violent. I don’t trust men like that one bit.

Red flag: A man who keeps you from your family and friends or is upset with you being with your family and friends . A mature man wants you to have something to do and people in your life. Its abnormal to want a women to think of him as his EVERYTHING. Another red flag: acting out over jealousy. Possessive behavior, its not cute. Its a level of anti trust and shows he has irrational thought processes that can lead to inappropriate anger and eventually to violence. Another red flag: A man that puts you down in anyway, even in jest.

@2022l

3 жыл бұрын

A man that keeps you a way from family and friends is a son of Satan or Satan himself,he is the worst of the worst.cuz what he does after you no longer have anyone for support is brutal.this one wants to destroy you completely.

@CW-fh2ql

2 жыл бұрын

You are not lying. Was with someone like this and just experienced the violence Saturday. I'm done but afraid of the repercussions. Wondering what they might be because I know he's not going to walk away peacefully😓

@rosewilliams5830

2 жыл бұрын

Going through with this also. 🙏🏾

@hollaatthekid1796

2 жыл бұрын

@@CW-fh2ql tell him nothing. Let him go to work and leave.

@jaiwallace6606

2 жыл бұрын

I went through this and he hated that I stood up for my friends and family and I saw the instant anger come out of him.

Red Flags: "Tough love"... But his way of showing tough love is comparing you to his other female friends and asking you to improve yourself to be like them. Slowly killing your self esteem by telling you what you could change about yourself. And letting his female friends have more emotional access to him (eg. He tells you not to call him pet names, but his bestie calls him "babe" all the time). Acting like a strict dad and not a boyfriend/partner. Glad I got out of that one.

@anaysha3733

3 жыл бұрын

Just described my last situation 🤯🙏🏾 glad we both made it out

When he put a shovel on the bed while I pretended to be asleep to avoid his abuse. I left him. Found out he was doing hard drugs and undergoing psychosis. I’be forgiven him because I can’t hold hate in my heart but I will never forget. Done and he’s locked up for now. Thank GOD.

@lilhonni

3 жыл бұрын

Oh girl not a shovel, I’m glad you’re safe!

@AngelWingz81

3 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad you got out 💕

@Thesilentvoice...

3 жыл бұрын

That’s messed up the fact that you are still standing and left him shows you’re a warrior. So strong 💪 thank you for choosing you.

Omg I so agree about Toxic mothers that enable their sons to not grow up 😩

@youareenough4978

3 жыл бұрын

Toxic mothers and absent fathers. A recipe for disaster.

@TianaLove

3 жыл бұрын

@@youareenough4978 yes I think a video on that is needed

@va8120

3 жыл бұрын

There are entire National cultures with this type of toxic mothering 😭

@yonnahmae1157

3 жыл бұрын

The woooorssstttt

The first time I realize he hated me is when my family came over and gave me a ton of gifts for my birthday. Like about 40 gifts but it was a bunch of small things I really needed for my house. He looked so angry, evil, disgusted and jealous. He literally despises his mom who mistreated him and never did anything for him. We should all know by now how a man feels about his mom and ex's is such a big clue on how he will treat you!

@melinatedvessel6840

3 жыл бұрын

So true...

@Neesi392

3 жыл бұрын

That is scary! Alot of women forget that men get jealous too. I

@thelashayway8250

3 жыл бұрын

This true

@MissNyPeachJerseyAppleBottom

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@fran791

2 жыл бұрын

Very interesting take

Not just calling women females, but also calling them girls. This is a sign that he thinks you are less than he is.

When he sexually assaulted me, threatened me and my family, and black mailed me. I called the police and the police told me “boys will be boys”, asked if I’m sure it’s “ not just a sex thing we did”, and said to my face “I’ll be honest your case will probably go nowhere because we don’t have enough evidence.”

@garnetbabe2.0godschild40

3 жыл бұрын

Those police were demonic & there's enough evidence for a case.

@Z_err

3 жыл бұрын

That's so sick, boys will be what? eww. What's the point of his job. This is how some women get abuse even more or worse. So sorry hun, I hope you are in a good place.

@NanaNaima1

3 жыл бұрын

That's horrible, society for some reason keep raising/protecting monsters instead of men 😕

@ashleyhenna6201

3 жыл бұрын

That’s so sad smh, so sorry you experienced that, I am sending you a virtual hug 🤗. It’s unfortunate that we live in a world where men can get away with the most even thing, it’s such a messed up world yow

@TheLilly

3 жыл бұрын

Gurrrrrrl!!!😳🤦🏽‍♀️ I'd say I'm surprised by the police reaction but we all know damn well...SMH Sending you God's love and peace ❤

When they say things that hint at they’re future daughter being a “hoe”, “fast” , or “green” and saying they’d kick them out or beat them; then turn around praising they’re future son for the same behavior. Or have non-permanent/unhealthy coping mechanisms. (I.e playing the game, listening to music, etc.)

@oddgoddess5576

3 жыл бұрын

tuhhhh planning to escape

@chaya7103

3 жыл бұрын

Listening to music is an unhealthy coping mechanism ?

@sugarchump5726

3 жыл бұрын

@@chaya7103 it’s not that it’s unhealthy, it’s just not permanent and a lot of the people I see do this method use it as a form as escapism. Like they’re ignoring or even avoiding the problem causing this coping mechanism in the first place.

@katiefountain2407

2 жыл бұрын

@@sugarchump5726 Good perspective. Never thought of it that way.

Girl, if that man even raises his voice and changes his tone with me I’m dipping. I don’t gaf you will not raise your voice at me, I’m not even giving you a chance to punch my wall or beat up my car.

@melissalitus8879

3 жыл бұрын

Facts. The moment he raises his voice at me or call me out my name I am done! We aren't tolerating disrespect at all. Idk wtf he thought he better try someone else to play with

@ilysaportax33

3 жыл бұрын

LISTEN!!!!

@Naioki4

3 жыл бұрын

me af me as hell

@yonnahmae1157

3 жыл бұрын

As it should be

@fiona1407

2 жыл бұрын

Same the disrepect is a no go.

It is always always ALWAYS better to be single than in a bad relationship!!

@Nat0528

3 жыл бұрын

Always! ♥️

@BebaDivested

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@rachelm.3173

2 жыл бұрын

Period 💯

The one about the guy eating peanuts and then kissing the girl with a peanut allergy ... Please never let someone treat you like that. And remember it's not because of who you are , they treat you like that because of who *they* are. People that are in a love hate relationship will be confused by the mixed signals and gaslighting, but you're not crazy.

@ShelbieMua

3 жыл бұрын

That’s just flat out evil

@juleslove9814

3 жыл бұрын

A fuckin demon is what he is. Where does your mind have to be to even think to do something like that.

@treanishajackson2295

3 жыл бұрын

He needs to be in jail for attempted murder

@d.c7248

3 жыл бұрын

So scary cause this is so true

@TheLilly

3 жыл бұрын

ATTEMPTED MURDER CHARGES SHOULD'VE BEEN FILED!!!

I think the hardest part about toxic relationships is how people seem to tolerate things your partner does, making harder to see through the gaslighting, and making it even harder to realize your reality and feelings are legitimate and valid.

@SayconTalks

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! People who don’t want you to be alone will make excuses for him - and come up with extraneous explanationsbut I don’t understand your better off happy and single

I realized he hated (resented) me: when he wasn't happy (proud of) my accomplishments; when he made everything a competition; when he isolated me from my family/friends; when he exerted control over what I'd say, what clothes/makeup I'd wear; when he'd just stare at me (when he thought I wasn't looking) like he literally hated me & didn't want to be w/ me (but didn't want anyone else to have me). As women, we KNOW when something is wrong almost the moment it happens. I remember the 1st time he revealed his true self to me and how my friend talked me around to staying w/ him, despite me KNOWING I should've run. I would've saved myself a lot of bruises, heart ache, money & time if only I'd trusted my gut. Love yourself & never allow desperation to erode your self esteem & common sense.

@Jachimma

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this post 🎈💛

@rachelm.3173

2 жыл бұрын

Beautifully said ❤️

The fact that so many young women go through some kind of abusive relationship shows there are a lot of bad guys out here. A lot of men really pretend until you are like months in the relationship then they switch up on you. Someone treating you bad is a reflexion of who they are . They are just trash and that's why they treating you badly. It has nothing to do with you. You are right about the pink flag. Being through that. Was a great lesson. 👌

@BebaDivested

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

I had the "Females" convo with my ex, and it went from 0 to 100, and so I ran.

A relationship either platonic or romantic, should not make you miserable. If you have to ask yourself if the person likes you, then beep beep! Red flag. I've never been in a relationship but I've had "friendships" where I was emotionally abused. Never let anyone determine your worth.

@khariskweendom3625

3 жыл бұрын

Yessss ! I had to keep asking my last “best friend” if she still even liked me 😂and she’d flip it on me like I was trippin or doin too much but nah she was jealous and didn’t wanna admit it so I had to face the brunt of her insecurities. Never been in a romantic relationship either but I definitely agree..if you’re no longer comfortable around said person(s) or feel like you can’t be your true self then the relationship has served it’s course. Stay safe and head strong ladies! Life is a beautiful thing 🥰

One red flag is a man that doesn't have self awareess. Basically he can never see what he did that led to a certain result & he's incapable of criticizing his own behavior & is never responsible for anything. If he's always blaming others or excusing his behavior run. You cannot have an adult healthy relationship with someone that lacks self awareness

I've learned to pray for DISCERNMENT. I ask God to show me, who they really are. The next day I would see their true colors, Red Flags, and all! People pretend to be something that they are not. We gotta ask God to see through the lies, and to protect our Mind, Body, and Spirit.

@tjaspire

3 жыл бұрын

Amen!! The Holy Spirit reveals all Truth.

@nicolecharles3180

3 жыл бұрын

@@tjaspire Yes, Every single time.

I haven’t had many serious long term relationships, but that thread almost made me a nun. My heart goes out to all of the women who were put through these awful things.

@pattycannon1804

3 жыл бұрын

I love your avi #estofwwe 😍😍😍😍

@pattycannon1804

3 жыл бұрын

After my father died I took a 6+ year break from dating to heal myself

@kaylynismortified3545

3 жыл бұрын

Same, but I've never been in a relationship and that whole thread convinced me to just stay single.

@haryel5058

3 жыл бұрын

@@kaylynismortified3545 lmaooo don’t say that. Always have a good energy around relationship to attract one :) , but I went through that phase too , I get you

@mentalcat9529

2 жыл бұрын

I realized im happier single than in a relationship

I’ve seen guys who treat their mother respectfully but treat their significant other poorly and I’ve seen this on more than one occasion

@chocolatechunks07

3 жыл бұрын

Most of the time it’s a cover story.

@cutlyfe

3 жыл бұрын

@@chocolatechunks07 what do you mean?

@sarahjustice526

3 жыл бұрын

True

@InevitablyT

3 жыл бұрын

Most of the time the mother and son have an incest emotional relationship and you’re the other woman.

@fritosnlegoshai

3 жыл бұрын

That means he doesn't respect them.

I’d also add this red flag, if he gets a thrill from publicly humiliating you, RUN!!! I had a situationship in college (we never had a title, another pink flag) and he used to wait until we were in front of our friend group to mention all of his sexual grievances with me even though he knew he was only the second person I had been with. For example once we were bowling with our friends and he told everyone that I couldn’t “take him from certain angles” and when his friend asked why he still messing with me he said “that’s how they all start off, but don’t worry ima teach her how to do it” I was super embarrassed and cried about it to a week and till this day I’m self conscious about how I perform sexually even with my fiancé all because of that one moment. I’m in therapy now because I don’t want the trauma of that relationship to spill over into my marriage. Emotional and mental abuse is just as deadly ladies don’t ignore the signs. Thank you for this video Eloho!!!!

@iknowyou6725

3 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry. I too have experienced some bad situations that made me sexually self conscious and I dont think its talked about enough. I am very happy for you that you are taking therapy and healing. Have the happy life you deserve queen.

@shutit4024

3 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry you went through that best believe he has or will get his karma I can’t stand grown boys like that, this also happened to me

@shutit4024

3 жыл бұрын

@@iknowyou6725 same this happened to me before the guy thought he took my “virginity” so he ran his month and I just didn’t say anything even after months of people telling me what he was saying he was going into details about things we did so when I found out I dropped him then after that he got into a relationship but here’s what really pissed me off... after a year in a half while he’s in a relationship he keeps running his month about me and going into details ( probably lies too) about us having $ex while he’s in a relationship 🤦🏽‍♀️ and mind you his body count is high then his age ( disgusting I didn’t find out till later and he bragged about that like it’s cool to be an walking std) so out of 23 girls he keeps having my name and another girls name in his mouth and I had to shut that sh*t down by getting guys to threaten him and he had the nerve to call me a thot 😂😂 when I had 2 bodies and this fool had over 20 and he cheated on his girlfriend a lot so who’s really the thot?😂 but anyways I think he was mad I was the only girl that didn’t chase him I dropped him like nothing 🤷🏽‍♀️ still healing from him trying to embarrass me like that

@bigbanktai8204

2 жыл бұрын

Omg that is so horrible and embarrassing I’m glad you are in a healthy relationship now

@chrisharris2367

2 жыл бұрын

Lol all the while I bet he had ED and couldn’t keep it up Classic Projection That’s so weak of him

When he has no ambition. Especially if you are going somewhere with your own life, you can expect him to want to put hands on you in an attempt to bring you down.

@NN-re7cy

3 жыл бұрын

That part. 💯

@Jachimma

3 жыл бұрын

💯

@shadequeen4206

3 жыл бұрын

Woo Chile! 👏

Heavy on the female one! They will call men “men” and then refer to women as” females” . Like a female/male can be anything but a woman/man is a person. So the fact that you don’t respect women enough to refer to them as humans but you do men is very telling . Also it’s just unusual to say female/man . It’s usually male/female , man/woman. It’s like they goin out of they way to be disrespectful.

@iameloho718

3 жыл бұрын

🎯

@anmorgan3129

3 жыл бұрын

Some tend to only refer to black women when saying, "these females" 😒

@OnlyMichaelJackson

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@iammar1159

3 жыл бұрын

From now on, we will refer to them as “males” and see how they like it.

@miiamidblu

3 жыл бұрын

@@iammar1159 Same. Imma do that and watch how fast they try to correct me, looking like a hypocrite lol

red flags for me : cant take accountability/ always gets defensive , genuinely enjoys & praises himself for all the women he's simultaneously entertaining , sexually (which 10/10 it is), men who are excessively irresponsible with their sex organ but call women " hoes" etc, glorifies men like future whole heartedly but refer to men like Russell as a 'simp', refers to any man who does right by his girl , instead of doing right by his homeboys, as a "simp", men who exclusively only date women who their homeboys approve of. Girl I could write a whole novel

@sweet_sheida16

3 жыл бұрын

Had a man like this before. He also watched Kevin Samuels and manosphere KZread channels. I had to leave he was abusive and felt like women were his subjects.

@BebaDivested

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

For me, everytime I started talking to a guy who described his ex in a negative way, Red Flag. He takes no accountability for his past relationships, it was always her fault. He will do the same to you. These men are also narcissistic and abusive. He will also talk down to you, and not appreciate you. STAY AWAY!

Back handed compliments 🚩Putting you down, then trying to negotiate what you’re allowed to be offended by..because he was “just joking “ 🚩 Mother’s need to step up and start having these conversations with their sons and daughters sooner! I made sure my daughter’s teeth and claws came in before I set her free. So many people think they target the weak.. it’s actually the strong and the gifted they enjoy destroying! Stay alert my friends and have fun! After all, we only pass this way once♥️

@ladama3201

3 жыл бұрын

This is true. My ex husband told me he wanted to break me because I was so strong…some of these dudes think it’s a challenge to “ humble”us or break our spirits.

@janelane8982

3 жыл бұрын

@@ladama3201 I call it identity theft .They come into your life when you are happy and high sel estee

@BeatrizMatias

3 жыл бұрын

Oooo, the "just joking" when they keep making sly remarks and trying to bring you down. Been there, it's exhausting and extremely draining cuz they make you feel like you're crazy

@shutit4024

3 жыл бұрын

@@BeatrizMatias yup but sadly I was friend with girls like this and it all started with them before dating a guy like this

Men with Daddy’s issues that they disguise as Mommy issues. They would worship their absentee father, give them imaginary lives or qualities. Yet resent their dedicated mothers. A lot of men out there transfer their resentment on the parent that stayed. When in fact they’re angry at the one who left.

@elemeno82002

3 жыл бұрын

this

@Neesi392

3 жыл бұрын

So true

@hyoungjunii4845

3 жыл бұрын

50 cent

@breannapierre09

3 жыл бұрын

I was just saying this! My ex did this and blamed his mom. Like, you mad at her for what exactly?!

@Nat0528

3 жыл бұрын

All👏🏽of 👏🏽this 👏🏽♥️♥️♥️♥️

Wow this is scary. It is indeed triggering. You were meant to put out this video at this time and on this day. I am commenting during the two minutes of it playing but I am sending this to a friend because I just got off the phone with her. She has decided to finally be done so I am sending this to her to validate her even more and for her to know that she is not alone. 💛💛

Another red flag- men who are jealous of normal and healthy relationships in your life - ex. having love, provision and/or protection of father or other family members. Toxic men hate that they didnt grow up that way and secretly despise they can’t treat u any kind of way. Rather than be happy they’re joining a supportive family unit they try to isolate you from it. They shld focus their energy on getting counseling to heal, not hating on their woman.

I’m starting to think PTSD is more common than we think

I suffer from anxiety, paranoia , depression and ptsd from marriage although it’s been 9 yrs divorced. 🙏🏾🥺

@MsMeeka-lr6uf

3 жыл бұрын

I wish you nothing but the best !

@amberdb04

3 жыл бұрын

@@silkpressedflow Facts💯. 3 yrs ago I finally got a great therapist and pyschiatrist that work together. My meds are balanced. I have my church mentors who I love and my family has always been solid. I'm working on how I can forgive myself for allowing the bs. For allowing him to not let me see my family. Thanks for your advice and kind words.🙏🏾❤

@amberdb04

3 жыл бұрын

@@MsMeeka-lr6uf Thank You ❤🙏🏾 i need use all the good energy i can get.

@amberdb04

3 жыл бұрын

@@silkpressedflow Thank you so much. I'll keep you in my I prayers also. We just have to take it day by day.

@NoveltyQueens

3 жыл бұрын

🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

I have one...when he behaves like an asshole with others then acts like it's just being no-nonsense or like it's cute. More often than not, your turn is coming. I'm so glad that these things and relationships in general are being spoken of so openly now esp. compared to when I was growing up.

@lesfleurs9369

3 жыл бұрын

THANK YOU! I used to be friends with a girl who would relish in how mean her bf was. She LOVED it. She expressed it in words many times as well. One time she said "I love how mean he is to everyone else. But he's kind to me". He was a total jerk . This was 2009. We were graduating high school.. fast fwd a few years later and they're married when we're in out early 20s. We all just turned 30 (husband turned 34 prob) and they're divorcing. He has badly traumatized my former friend with his verbal abuse. A complete psycho. So yea. Keep thinking that mess is cute! It ain't!

@Rhawn246

3 жыл бұрын

@@lesfleurs9369 Oh wow. That is just terrible but yes, a man showing me or boasting about how awful he is to others sure ain't cute! MAJOR red flag for me but for some, it makes them feel special...for a time.

🌃Dating non BM who aren't from the inner city is LIFE CHANGING. There's no gangster lifestyle, they dont have baby mama culture & have never been in jail.

@wedsarta4345

3 жыл бұрын

where are they?

To piggyback on 1. If his momma tells you to leave him alone, believe her. Do not ignore it or feel like you can change him or you're "the one" cuz u ain't sis. Toxic men will also try to tell you how your friends and family aren't shit and try to alienate you from them. Honestly, the abusive relationship i was in, he told me in so many ways that he didn't want me and used me for what he could get. He told me how he ran a girl crazy because of his antics. And it even seemed as if he would find shit to nitpick about what i do or say to try and make me leave him alone. Ladies pay attention. They tell you exactly how they feel whether it is with gaslighting or flat out telling you they are running game on you.

@stephaniearnold1738

3 жыл бұрын

TRUTH!!!!!

@LeOhio817

3 жыл бұрын

I tried to warn my brother’s girlfriend about him. He was babied by my mother and expected to be treated like a star by everyone else. His temper was volatile and explosive. He was very good about showing that side of himself to very few people. It seemed as though there was an invisible halo around him that people easily bamboozled could see. I, unfortunately, experienced it too many times and was not believed when I told others. It took her 10 years to finally leave him. She already had daughters and I asked her if he was the type of man she would have them dealing with. I’m glad she finally got it together, but she could have been seriously hurt or killed by him. He was a police officer at the time. Pay attention ladies.

@bridgetteking9618

3 жыл бұрын

@@LeOhio817 that is so unfortunate. Luckily i was only with him for a year. He went to jail for breaking my nose. I met my husband while having 2 black eyes. He helped me move on and for that im thankful. I am also thankful to not have permanent ties to him such as a child 🙌🏿

@brandihunter1073

3 жыл бұрын

Facts stay away from mommas boys they will definitely give you red flags run your ass off to get away from his toxic self and his toxic mother

When he doesn't want you to meet his family and friends. When you're never a priority and he puts other people's needs(including other women's) before yours. When he has no interest in any of your likes or hobbies, you have do what he likes to do. When he isolates you from your friends and family... I was in a really abusive relationship for a little over three years with a narcissus. Watching your videos have helped me start to appreciate myself and to not put up with bs. Thank you!

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

•When he doesn't want to give out his last name. •When he tells you his nickname before his real name •When he doesn't want you to see his I.D. to confirm that that's his real last name. Some abusive dudes will give out a fake last name. Hell, some dudes with hidden children and baby mamas will give out a fake last name. Check those I.D's ladies.

@Jaded42O

3 жыл бұрын

And let’s also keep in mind that you can be shown to friends and family and they can be complicit in the man’s bullshit. Family members will see how he treats girl after girl and won’t say shit, warn anyone, and will willingly play their part. Their friends can also be complicit by looking the other way when he cheats.

@eva-cs6tj

3 жыл бұрын

Meeting parents it's not a big thing, if it's not for engagements. After meeting them, you begin to act as if you were a married wife without the status, benefits and security. 🤔

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

@@eva-cs6tj What you really want to do is take out the female cousin, sister or female best friend. Interrogate that behind, to make sure that her story lines up with his. They're not going to be expecting for you to say, " hey, I'm taking your sister out for a lunch date, just me and her". Watch him sweat bullets.

@mizzpoetrics

3 жыл бұрын

Your 2nd point - that was one of the nails in the coffin of my ex's and my relationship! Also it's *narcissist.

As a young bw, I’m so thankful to the bw who impart advice. I never realized it until recently that many bw in my life(like my mother) and women on the internet(like Eloho) have made me subconsciously put my well-being first and foremost. In fact, everyday I learn to trust my gut. Sadly it has to do with the dangers of being a woman. However, at times, the decisions I’ve made based on my gut has helped me in other aspects of my life like such as school or even avoiding a dusty. Anyways, hope y’all have a good day!

@drushaw2968

3 жыл бұрын

i love avoiding dusties & blocking them😂😂😂 it brings me pleasure

@karenmassey8354

3 жыл бұрын

As a BW you should ALWAYS be self-serving. Your needs should always come before others because you are the only one who will protect yourself.

Yes! Another red flag: when he keeps you from friends or is constantly messaging/calling when he knows you are with friends. I had this when I came back from group trip to Disneyworld and got chewed out for not answering every message and call from him.. This was an ex, been with my new healthy man for 4 years now and it's such a difference!

OMG I ALWAYS GOT WEIRD VIBES FROM MEN SAYING “females” like they even took biology

@metaverseplayer

3 жыл бұрын

💀💀

@mercysi2636

3 жыл бұрын

Lollll

I’m really glad I’m single and never dated anyone.The threads on Twitter are sad as hell men are something else! My heart goes out to all of the women❤️❤️❤️

@thefactsaccordingtogabbie149

3 жыл бұрын

Me too! I would rather be single but have self love for myself than in a mess up relationship lacking self love. But I understand nobody's perfect, you going have to mistakes to learn and get it. But the stuff i was reading😩 baby no they should've been RAN.

@alyssapinon9670

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah it honestly makes me scared to put myself out there

@Jadaa657

3 жыл бұрын

@@alyssapinon9670 aww all most men aren’t like that! You just gotta find you a real one ☝🏾

@melissalitus8879

3 жыл бұрын

Facts. I'll just work on myself and pray for a happy and stable relationship. Cause at this point it's all too much 😩

@prieltheprune1302

2 жыл бұрын

I’ll be 19 and I’ve never dated Probably won’t ever.

I didn’t see the red flags that I ended up being raped by my ex boyfriend and my husband today has to deal with my anxiety, my depression, fear of physical intimacy, bulimia and my childhood trauma ( was molested at 6). Ladies, run for your life every time you see a pink or red flag. Leave! Thank you Eloho for sharing your story! It was triggering to me but necessary, and yes God allow us to live certain things to help others one way or another. I believe that.

Toxic trait: Mom who make their sons their emotional husband's "Be the man of the house" Is something we don't discuss nearly enough

@millsykooksy4863

3 жыл бұрын

Omg this! It’s called covert incest

@destinymcgowan5328

3 жыл бұрын

That's super toxic. I would not want to compete with a man's mama. Like damn some of these men might as well marry their damn mama.

@iammar1159

3 жыл бұрын

Especially when being the man of the house is being a lazy bum and not doing anything of importance but acting like you’re the “boss” while watching your mom and sisters do everything around the house and baby you. How “manly” when they watch women do everything for them and they never learn to grow up. Losers

@s1a2n3ashd8

3 жыл бұрын

It's weirdly Freudian Like some men want a mom they can fuck

@lesfleurs9369

3 жыл бұрын

There's a show on Netflix called "dead to me" with Christina Applegate I literally love it. But anyway...there's an episode where after the the main character's husband dies, her son makes a comment about having a say in things (or something) because he is now the man of the house (now that the dad is dead) And Christina A.'s character shuts him down IMMEDIATELY and she's like, I don't know where you're getting this toxic bullish from but you're a child and your in high school and you aren't a man 😂🤣 I'm lIke YES let's normalize THIS! Even though, don't get me wrong C.A. character on this show has a very strange relationship with her son on this show anyway (mainly because of how much they cuss at each other and how disrespectful he is) by also they're white so 🤔

The female thing bleeds into a grammar thing for me. You're absolutely right. When they say "men" and follow it with "females", rather than "women," I know they aren't trying to practice proper grammar. But a red flag to me is when his family realizes he's with a nice/kind/good woman and they don't express that they are happy for him. Sure, some family members are haters, but someone should be happy for him. If there aren't expressing happiness for him, they are concerned about what he's going to drag you through.

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

Girl, sometimes they happy because they hoping you'll be the one to take him off their shoulders ( he usually sleeping on the couch or another place in the house). Sometimes they aren't even concerned about your well-being. They just think their family members sh!t don't stink, when it does, and they don't like you.

@racqueldillon3560

3 жыл бұрын

My ex’s family actually warned me. I was so young, inexperienced and convinced they were wrong that I didn’t listen. I should have listened.

@TheeBratzDollxox

3 жыл бұрын

@@racqueldillon3560 I’m not trying to judge here but… what was it that made you believe the people who’ve known him all his life, and seen his actions firsthand, would lie to you?

@mskkiikkiii

3 жыл бұрын

WOAH NEVER LOOKED AT IT THIS WAY

@chrissiec2123

3 жыл бұрын

@@mskkiikkiii Right?! Me too!

Why is she so beautiful! 😩

@ukau706

3 жыл бұрын

is God lol

@kimlove4740

3 жыл бұрын

@@ukau706 true 😂

Guys who say "My ex is crazy" or talk $hit about their ex girlfriends, like you dated her and you loved her at one point and if you're over her, then don't bring her up.

@therealkoolaidandkale

3 жыл бұрын

Maaan, I dated this one guy who, legit, EVERY sentence was "My ex wife such & such". He couldn't go 15 minutes without bringing up his ex wife. One day I told him: either get counseling, or get back with her bcuz you are CLEARLY not over her, omG. 🙉

@sweet_sheida16

3 жыл бұрын

Red flag number uno.. Pay attention to the fact that he takes no accountability in his past relationships. Tells you he will do the same to you.

@stilljocelyn_

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I told my ex “ you still have a lot to get of ur chest about your ex. Damn do you need closure?!” Chiiiile he was heated!!! Like bro maybe y’all should just get back together 😌🤨

@Naisy77

2 жыл бұрын

THISSS called his ex a bitch i said its "not given"

You mentioned the man with too many besties, but the man with NO friends need to be mentioned as well. Watch out for loners, they make the relationship their world, and not in a good way. They become clingy, jealous and possessive.

@changeoffocus1074

2 жыл бұрын

Hmmm… some people are introverts .. so perhaps that wouldn’t happen.

@TheSweetie223

2 жыл бұрын

Yessssssssssssss!!!!!!! Chile you didn't lie one bit!!!!! I would never date a loner AGAIN!!!!!! ONE OF THE WORSE LIFE THREATENING SITUATIONS I EVER BEEN IN

@prieltheprune1302

2 жыл бұрын

@@changeoffocus1074 do y’all think introverts are like cave men and that they only come out for food and water? Introverts have friends…?

I recently left a situation with a man who exhibited some of these traits. He was clearly manipulative emotionally and financially. It was clear that he had jealousy issues and I feared if I allowed him to move in then those “traits” would escalate. He saw me as someone that could be used and if I didn’t do what he wanted he would get nasty. He did not get the chance to put his hands on me but I truly believe that he would have.

I was dealing with one dude who was the king of gaslighting. Once he found out I had BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), everything i felt and said was simply disregarded because I had a mental illness. Oh, I didn't like the fact that he was so inconsistent and had the AUDACITY to voice it? All of a sudden, I'm just being overly emotional and irrational because of my disorder. He also always put my hobbies and general joy down, but he did it in such a covert, patronizing way. Always suggesting that what I liked was boring or wrong, or that he had experienced better. There were so many red flags in that one situation alone and I'm just glad to be rid of him because HE obviously had so many issues and I didn't subscribe to all that. 😂😂😂❤❤❤

@plantbasedunicorn7995

3 жыл бұрын

Sharing my mental illnesses has backfired on me plenty of of times. I totally understand, sis. Through therapy and having a good support system, I’m in a better place and I attract better people. I wish you the best 🥰🥰🥰

@muysatisfied

3 жыл бұрын

I shared my mental illness with a guy that I was dating and he would constantly bring it up every time we had an argument. He would say this is why I’m trying to help you through this and made me feel as if I’m the reason we had problems or it’s because you have this that’s why you’re arguing about this . Regular ppl don’t argue bout this etc lolll … it’s funny now when I look back at it

@muysatisfied

3 жыл бұрын

If he constantly reminding you about your illness he is an asshole

@beverlyfrancis8433

3 жыл бұрын

revealing too much too early

@plantbasedunicorn7995

3 жыл бұрын

@@beverlyfrancis8433 sometimes it’s hard to determine when to share it. It just really depends on the person and the type of relationship that you have

Red Flag: when a man feels offended by your confidence or feel like you should rely on him to be confident. I was in the talking stage with this dude and he said that I’m arrogant because I said that I’m beautiful as if I can’t appreciate my own beauty. He then said that it/ would better to let him tell me that I’m beautiful. Then had the audacity to say I thought we had a thing😂

1. If He Wants It For Himself But Not For You. 2. He Only Knows His Wrong When Your Ready To Move On. 3. He Can Return To The Exact Person That You Caught Feelings For When Your Fed Up Then Back To The Person Who Had You Fed Up When You Made Up. 4. If He Says Sorry Out The Blue But Nevermind And Doesn't Explain It To You. 5. He Does The Things That He Knows Hurts You Because He Feels Hurt. 6. He Hurts You Intentionally. 7. He's All In For Bashing Your Bad Behaviour But When Communication About His Surfaces He's Ready To Forget And Move On From The Past. 8. He Coaxes You To Please Him While You Both Know That Way Hurts You. 9. He Holds Unto Things, Says Its Good/ Cool/ Alright/ Not A Big Deal/ He Already Forgot And Only Tells You When You're Upset With Him, Brings It Up When He Does Bad That You've Both Processed As Bad. 10. He Belittles The Things You Both Know You Hold High Value On Everytime He's Upset Or Thinks You Don't Give Him What He Values. 11. He Calls You Out Your Name When Upset And Blames You For It. 12. He Makes You Feel Ugly To "Humble" You. 13. He Compares Himself To You & Competes With You, Is Upset When You're The One To Progress/ Win. 14. He Tells/ Admits To You Himself, He Wouldn't Want His Mother, Aunt, Sister, Niece Or Any Woman He Cares About To Be With Someone Like Him, He Wouldn't Be With Him. 15. He Doesn't Want To Let You Go But Would Tell You He Wouldn't Want His Son/ Any Man He Cares About To Be With Someone Like You. 16. He's With You To Keep Him Happy Not Make You Happy, Not For You Both To Be Happy Together. 17. He Remembers You Personally When You Can Be Convinient To Him. 18. When He Deems You Of No Use For His Current Life Progression And Discards You. 19. Once Again, He Tells You. He Tells You He Hates You. 20. He's Not A Man Of God (This Covers Everything, Especially The Openness For Bettering Change On Both Parts). God Bless🙏🏿🩸🐑🕊❤

@turnitupwithnelly-2337

3 жыл бұрын

this is amazing♡♡♡

@pearlljewels7330

3 жыл бұрын

He sounds like a narcissist...run fr.😔🥺😭

@stephaniearnold1738

3 жыл бұрын

Wow this is so on point. 🙌🏿

@chocolatechunks07

3 жыл бұрын

....How to know you’re dating a narcissist 🤢

@Deanna0456

3 жыл бұрын

Edit on the number 20… be careful of men who just know bible verses. There are a lot of demons out there quoting the Bible. Make sure his relationship with god and his life actually align with the religion he throws around. I dated one of those and he was mad when I pointed that out 🤣

We need a part two that question is such a good question. A big Red Flag is a man who wants to hang out with his friends more then hang with you solo.

@rosemichel7542

3 жыл бұрын

A man who cant keep his word.

@rosemichel7542

3 жыл бұрын

A man who lies about small things.

@rosemichel7542

3 жыл бұрын

A man who’s tit for tat.

@rosemichel7542

3 жыл бұрын

A man who cant disagree with you, only argue.

@rosemichel7542

3 жыл бұрын

A man who turns everything into an argument.

When I was deployed for 9 months, he was emotionally abusive and manipulative. He wouldn't speak to me for days, n when we did speak, often after I had worked 24 hrs, he would complain that we didn't talk for too long. When I came home, when I called him as soon as I landed, he accused me of cheating and didn't speak to me for a week. He had my car, my computer, and the key to my storage container. There were red flags everywhere and I'm glad I overcame that situation.

@tjaspire

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you and thank you for your service! He was probably cheating on you during those times that he was not speaking to you. Guilty cheaters always accuse you of the things that *they* are guilty of.

@Blood_Rose89

3 жыл бұрын

@@tjaspire Thank you, and ur so right. Never Again!

I haven’t been in a relationship in over 10 years.🤦🏽‍♂️ I can personally do without.🙆🏽‍♂️

This is why I don’t date lol. There are a lot of pretenders out there and I have bigger things to focus on in life than settling down with a man and being somebody’s mama. I’m not sorting through dusties and abusers just so I can end up taking care of kids in the end. Just like you said, single and safe. I’m comfortable with my company, lol!

@christinem8799

3 жыл бұрын

i’m with you on that!

@Myaccount923

3 жыл бұрын

When you focus on yourself the right one comes along if it’s meant to be anyway! You won’t have to sort through dusties

@Jaded42O

3 жыл бұрын

@@Myaccount923 I mean for those choosing to actively date. If you’re choosing to actively date, you do have to look for red flags & dusties constantly. That’s why I don’t do it.

@Myaccount923

3 жыл бұрын

@@Jaded42O what I’m saying is when you love yourself and have truly healed, and on top of that are focused on your own hobbies and career, you will have less dusties to sort through If any while you’re actively dating. A dusty can’t even approach me anymore! Lol. You should be attracting mostly high quality authentic people in your life in general.

@thelashayway8250

3 жыл бұрын

This is it 🎯

My story was w/ a gaslighting, manipulative liar. He always made me feel like I have a horrible memory. Like things said and events that took place didn't happen the way they actually happened. It kept me questioning myself and my judgment. Another red flag is if he can't take "no" for an answer-- I mean for everything, not just sex. A man should respect you as a grown-ass woman that can make up her own mind and mean what she says.

I realized it when he kept getting my food orders wrong 😑

@wedsarta4345

3 жыл бұрын

he ain’t ish

@missmartin85

3 жыл бұрын

I get this.... I liked a guy a lot. I couldn’t let my guard down bc he was the bare minimum type. Hard pass. I realized that the guy that is annoying A F gets it right and I don’t even have to ask. 🙃😒 God plays games Sis. We can’t win them all

I put myself in therapy and it was so eye opening I was ignoring red flags and my own feelings. Emotional abuse has lasting effects

I knew he hated me when ruined my 21st birthday after I paid for everything. Jealousy is real and men know when you are to good for them. I knew he hated me when he pulled a knife on me. I knew he hated me when he mentally and verbally abused me. So many other memories but I thank God I was strong enough to leave. Three years later and being freed from that relationship was the best thing I could have ever done.

Trying to control your finances Constantly comparing you to other women he knows and you never measure up Dealing in extremes; example: "You never do this" or "You always do that" Getting upset when you make new friends Constantly accusing you of cheating when you're not

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

I was talking to this guy once who wanted to control my finances. This was before sex, before the first date etc. We never did any of those things, and he confess to me that if we got together, he would pretty much be in control of the finances. I had him to elaborate on it to see if he would clean it up, which he did. He tried to later in make it seem like he would just control some of MY MONEY. Then when he told me about an ex girlfriend of his, it was clear that he was controlling ALL OF HER MONEY, not just some of it. I couldn't hurry up and get off the phone with him fast enough. I was so happy that I never gave him my body nor did I ever go out on a date. I dodged a bullet with that one. Also be careful with guys who want to take you to a city, state, providence or country where you have no family. Meaning, he wants you to live there with him. Be very careful of that ladies because sometimes that's an isolation tactic.

@christmansonpunk2927

3 жыл бұрын

@@MrsNicolas yes! My ex and I lived in nyc, I had family in Florida. When we were planning to move he refused to even talk about florida. He wanted to move to north Carolina where he had family but I would be completely isolated.

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

@@christmansonpunk2927 Yes. Whenever I discussed moving, it has to be where I have at least one family member in case of an emergency. If they aren't open to it, then the discussion is closed in my book. I'm very cautious about men who want to move me to a place where I have no family.

But I'm so sorry that you had to go through that abusive relationship I hope you are doing better If you ever need a break you can take one ok we love you 😊🥰

Red Flag: When he won’t “overhype” you when you’re feeling good , AND you say thank you to a compliment……just keep you “humble” 🙃

The feeling you get when you realize that you’ve suffered through a few abusive relationships. I’m still working on my healing. I know God has my back, and I’m going to lift you all up in my prayers too.

This video inspired me to do a version of my own. I’m healing from dating a narcissist (something I wouldn’t wish on anyone). So here are a few flags I’ve learned: 1. Insecurity 2. Sneak disses you 3. Plays/makes you question your gut He was extremely insecure, everyone was a threat. He would constantly sub tweet me or down talk women that had my characteristics, then say I was just mad on some “if the shoe fits where it type”. And he’d always call me “stupid”, in a “playful” and serious manner if we’re arguing. It wasn’t a friendly nickname but he would randomly call me it and that’s the first thing he’d call me when we argued bc he genuinely felt he was intellectually superior (granite I’m the BSN in Bio and he’s the street pharmacist). He went out of his way to make me feel like I was down right crazy. Ladies if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not.

@stacey-theehopedealer8504

3 жыл бұрын

Sis I married the exact same person. Red flag 1. Lied about having a child 2. Once he told me, said the child might not be his cause the mother was a pass around and went as far as demanding a paternity test 3. Went back to prison right after we got married 4. Allowed us to move extremely quickly early in the relationship, out on parole and was 11 years my senior. 5.allow me to raise a child for 7 years while in prison on my own while still coming to visit often and keeping money on the phone every day. 6. Came home to everything handed to him but would accuse me of cheating. Went as far as checking my google maps to see where I had been that day and would catch me off guard and accuse me of places I hadn’t been. Google maps is not always accurate. It would ping me to locations I had not been to but was instead close to my destination, such as my job. 7. I Developed a serious addiction to weed and major depression. I was working fulltime, taking care of mostly, going to get my masters degree and kept accidentally ending up pregnant by him. He would say I had bipolar because I would yell all the time and tell him to get out! I was hurting and depressed. He would never compliment me and if he did, it wasn’t genuine and felt forced. He would compliment me like “ see you the only one in here with your guy and nobody else in here with they man. This was during the first 4 months of my pregnancy check ups. He missed all the others. But it was always about how lucky I should feel because he was there and other women didn’t have it. Another time, he was standing behind me and said “ I am so glad your hair isn’t nappy.” One time when we got physical, he tried to push me up to the stove to burn my hanging hair. 8. He left and got and apartment out of nowhere with money I had no clue he had. 9. Pushed me to file for a divorce because I refused to play dumb that he would be acting like a single man because he had bitterness towards me and wouldn’t take responsibility that he left his family 10. Stop paying child support because our son doesn’t want to see him, and calls him out on his abuse. 11. Says I abused him. I will admit I acted very low vibrating but that wasn’t who I was. I was broken and wanted his love bug he just wouldn’t give me what I gave to him. I adored him and everything I did was just simple or average. My mom once told me she wanted her daughter back because she hadn’t seen me happy in over 10 years! Omg! How much time have I and continue to waste on hurting from this... 12. As soon as the divorced was finalized tells me he met someone, has a house and is happy. Never attempted to schedule the therapeutic visitations to see his son. Lied to the courts and said no therapist knew what it was. I am a therapist, I am the one who made the recommendation and emailed him the steps to take to find an in network provider. So much more that I have done but not enough space nor needed. Sidenote: I got my masters degree and am licensed as a mental health therapist. I am using my pain and turning into purpose. Big mistake in my pretty woman voice ! Don’t ever count me out or under estimate me! When he sees me tell my story to Oprah, baby... living well is the best revenge❤️❤️❤️ I am still learning that forgiveness thing. Like, first and foremost me, and then how to accept and forgive him for failing me and his beautiful son. Today is the day, I chose me. I stop worrying about who I made him better for and how he could just give it all away after I waited and went through hell in back. I stop holding my breathe waiting to find out that he has had another child or gotten remarried. That it will not break me! That he does not define me nor does that marriage. That I am beautiful all on my on. That a man is just the bonus. To stop feeling like I am incomplete without a man. To be my authentic self. Sincerely Stacey❤️

@stacey-theehopedealer8504

3 жыл бұрын

And one last thing, to my babies in heaven that I couldn’t not keep. I am truly sorry. I wasn’t in the right space or person to have you.

@keeksb9418

3 жыл бұрын

It’s crazy how I just ended my relationship and this was exactly what happened😱

@chrisharris2367

2 жыл бұрын

They love targeting BSNS Black Single Nurses....beware I’ve been tricked and trapped to as a nurse Best of luck to you Maybe consider dating outside of your race

When he told his friends behind my back that he didn’t want me and they could have me smh 🤦🏾‍♀️

@bellaapple2166

3 жыл бұрын

Wtf??? That's so cruel. Be thankful he's no longer in your life.

@nichellenunya

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry that happened to you

@prieltheprune1302

2 жыл бұрын

Omg

We go through so much as women, my God. I pray we get to a place of healing and freedom to live without the pain. ❤️

#7 when he punches the wall it’s usually your walls and never his ijs

@paymelove9762

3 жыл бұрын

🤦🏾‍♀️ so true ! like go punch and tear up YOUR stuff sir ..oh that’s right you have nothing! 😭😂

@melissalitus8879

3 жыл бұрын

Run fast. First it's the walls, personal property then it's your face next. I never been abused from a man but people tell that's how it starts.. It's sad we as a women go through a lot 😔

@TIAOFNEBULA

3 жыл бұрын

Men aren’t allowed to punch NOTHING near me, I don’t play with that.

"Hey! Ummm, don't call me female 'cause I'm not an animal...?" "But humans ARE animals?" RUN!!! Lady RUN!

@TysVideoDiaries

3 жыл бұрын

Omg I work with a guy that says this all the time “ we are animals” I just look at him like he’s crazy.. 🤦🏽‍♀️

one red flag is when you've been dating each other for a long time and you still haven't met his parents or when he still follows his ex's on social media.

Lo, you're looking radiant as always!

When he "jokes" about putting hands on you. If you bring up any type of competition, he keeps saying "I'll beat you." This is an innuendo; he's actually talking about physically beating you, not the game.

@user-eo9to7wd2t

3 жыл бұрын

The guy I’m talking to rn makes “jokes” like this😭

@tjaspire

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-eo9to7wd2t Please, run and don't look back! You know how they say that there's truth in jest? Well, he's not joking. He is testing the waters. Abusers rarely outright hit you one day, they test you first to see if you will go along with it; if they can get away with it. Please believe that no man who cares about you would ever disrespect you with his mouth, even if it is "just a joke." I'll bet there are other red flags too, there usually isn't just one. Please get yourself out before it's too deep. And don't go soft when he tries to beg for you back, saying he didn't mean it or that you overreacted! As my favorite male KZreadr, Coach Rod, would say, BLOCK AND DELETE! He is great at empowering women and shows you all the red flags to look for in an abuser. I highly recommend his channel; especially his videos on how to spot abusers. But yeah Sis, it's not a joke!!

@user-eo9to7wd2t

3 жыл бұрын

@@tjaspire I really really like him but I just don’t like how he talks sometimes😭 He calls people “hoes”, “females”, “bitches”. He tried to call me a bitch once and I told him that’s disrespectful. He apologized and hasn’t called me that since then. His jokes are kinda violent too but otherwise he’s nice. He has a pretty rough past and I just feel bad for him. I think he’s just a product of his environment. He’s only 19 btw and I think he still has time to change.

@sabrinaphanor9289

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-eo9to7wd2t ohhh I feel like you’re in my situation. My ex has an issue calling women bitches and hoes. I checked him so often about that. He has history of cheating but he has severe mental issues and abusive childhood . I suggest you get out the relationship. My ex is intensive therapy now but I still keep him at a distance. It will get worse over time. Any violent jokes aren’t jokes..they are truths. Be safe

@user-eo9to7wd2t

3 жыл бұрын

@@sabrinaphanor9289 Wow. How did it get worse? I can’t imagine this guy actually abusing me. I think he just makes bad jokes

Thank you for this entire video Lo but i specifically appreciate #2. People don’t understand how “fEmaLe” can be used in a derogatory way.

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

Usually the sentence starts off with... " Y'all females..." or " that you I don't f*ck with y'all females". That's a derogatory way of using it.

#5. Sometimes they hide babies and babymamas. I've had it happen 5 times! It probably happen more than that, but those are the times I found out.

@yujuy.1329

3 жыл бұрын

i didnt know this was happening. i always thought "how would you not know he had kids and babymamas?" but that was before I realized bm dont give a damn about their kids.

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

@@yujuy.1329 Yep. It use to pissed me off when people would suggest that it should be obvious that he has children somewhere. This is why I tell women that as long as the guy isn't putting hands on the kids, then give that man joint custody. Makes these men take care of the kids and not just in a financial way. It will cause them to have to slow down their roll, and it'll make it more difficult to hide the fact that he has kids. These kids be with mom majority of the time, so it's easy for them to lie. Killing part is, the women who fall victim to it the most are childless woman. He's more likely to lie to her than if he was talking to single mother. Think about it...for what reason would he lie to a single mom about having kids. It makes perfect sense to lie to the childless woman. That how these dudes be having multiple baby Mama's, because they confess to her if she ends up pregnant.

@tjaspire

3 жыл бұрын

@@yujuy.1329 I dated a Hispanic guy and he was the worst of the worst. He hid his child from me better than a government secret. He was shady about sharing his birthday and I caught him lying about his age on different occasions. I am single too and he would have trapped me, but by the Grace of God, I never told him where I live and I was never alone with him, so we never had s_x. I INSISTED on public dates, for my safety, and I refused to see him otherwise. He was very pushy too about s_x, but curving him was the best decision of my life! To all ladies, make him wait! Until marriage is the best way. If they are crazy, they will expose themselves within a month usually, but even up to six months of no s_x. Do not let a man rush you into bed or into ANYTHING for that matter.

@crzytasha

3 жыл бұрын

@@MrsNicolas If this isn't the truth. So pathetic though. I didn't know people lied about having kids. What a thing to lie about...

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

@@crzytasha Yep. They don't care. Now I'm not saying all men lie about having kids. However there's a portion of them that do, and the victims are childless women. I've had a few childhood friends that this has happened to, and they usually find out when it's too late. The guy usually reveals it when she ends up pregnant, when the baby mama shows up to his place or when a younger family members spills the beans. These are the three biggest ways they pull off hiding that they have kids. See, many of these types don't want women to meet the family, especially if it's the younger family members. That's how I found out with one of the 5 guys. He told me he had two kids, then the preteen male cousin told me he has 5 kids. Another one's baby mama got ahold of his phone and called me. I had absolutely no clue that he had kids. Another ones baby mama showed up to the house. That's why some will use they homeboys house. He was using his brothers place to make it seem like it was his, and his baby mama found out and was knocking at the door. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Another one didn't tell me until he couldn't keep up with my demands to see him late at night. That's when he showed up with his adorable little son in the car. Smh. Last but not least, this one confess when I got pregnant. My mom convince me to not go through with the pregnancy and I had an abortion. This is how these guys end up with several baby mamas, because they're lying or omitting the fact that they have kids. Some won't claim the baby until it's born, and they've had paternity test done. It's that bad 😔.

Red flag- he calls ALL his ex’s crazy & goes out of his way to talk bad about them.

@sweet_sheida16

3 жыл бұрын

Dealt with this first hand. They are always abusers and narcissistic.

I love to see women helping each other out and I love to see other women happy because it lets me know that one day that will be me. A red flag, when he steals from you.

The fake nice guy nice on the outside but cold and non empathetic whoosh

@MrsNicolas

3 жыл бұрын

The fake nice guy to his family and friends. They don't know how he acts in relationships, because they never will be in that type of relationship with him. Especially if the relationship has progressed to a sexual one, then they definitely don't know that side of him.

Coming from a man, this video was spot on right. The uncontrolled anger(temper) is definitely a big one. Also engaging in reckless toxic behavior and speech is something that men (all human beings for that matter) need to stand clear of. Stay bless beloved and may we all continue to heal and grow in the lord.

You look amazing 😍😍 & my heart goes out to all of the women who have gone through enough trauma/strife to relate this this prompt!!

*i'd rather be single and safe than in an abusive relationship* that is exactly how i feel in life right now id rather focus on my growth and healing and men need to heal and grow as well because im not having it anymore

After finally dating someone who doesnt have anger issues and seeing how normal adults conduct themselves, dont trust a man who raises his voice at you. if he starts, catches himself, and walks off to cool down, thats good. adults know how to regulate how they express their emotions in less harmful ways. my exes, especially my more recent one, would just scream at me while i stayed calm and tried to be the adult in the relationship. i only raised my voice after being pushed to the brink and having my words constantly manipulated. on that note, if you find you two are constantly fighting, break it off. my ex and i were constantly in arguments. we were long distance and even the few times we got to see each other in person, we'd be fighting because he said or did something insensitive. something ive learned is that healthy couples dont fight, they disagree, discuss and communicate, and when things start getting heated they take time to cool off to avoid saying or doing anything hurtful. this is something my ex COULD NOT wrap his mind around when i brought it up. a good partner should be able to express how they feel, and listen to how you feel without lashing out. my current boyfriend and i have been together for over a year now, and we've had a few disagreements, but never a fight. by this point in our relationship my ex and i had fought a million times. and honestly if youre fighting so much? either one of you is finding reasons to pick fights, or youre just incompatible and need to break up (it was both with my ex) last red flag is if he thinks every innocuous thing is a slight against him. half my fights with my ex happened because someone said or did something completely innocent that he took as an insult (eg. we were trying to remember something that was said a long time ago in a group chat and our friend searched it up, found it and said "i love the search function". my ex somehow took this as a personal insult and we got into a massive fight when i figuratively dragged him away so he wouldnt lash out harshly at our friend. he took it out on me instead). he will use this to find reasons to insult you and everyone else, and come back crying about how hes "soooo sorry" smh

-Constant criticism, but fails to admit his own faults. Example: Tells you that you can’t drive. (Even though you have never been in a car accident and he has) 🙄😒 or Down playing (Criticizing your accomplishments) Example: When I got a second job. I saved enough money up to move out the hood to a nicer area And he acted like he was mad that I had moved. And told me I should have stayed where I was at. He told me that I was trying to be somebody else lol 😂 -Puts your appearance down. Example: makes jokes about you wearing weave or braids, makes jokes about your body. Makes jokes about you in comparison to other women. And those are just a few.🤦🏽‍♀️ Oh and I have to mention this one. Before I moved out the hood, once he found out I was working two jobs to move this fool had the nerve to tell me to quit my job… he told me he doesn’t want his girl working two jobs 😂 mean while he was quitting jobs left and right. Had I listened to him I wouldn’t have been able to save up to move. Ladies don’t ever listen to a man when he tells you to do something because most of the time the have ulterior motives behind it.

healing takes time, now i am happy.

I had a best friend that would warn me to not do anything worthy of him cutting me off because I'd never find another friend like him and that I'd never be able to make decisions as well without him. Fast forward 1+ years later without him and I'm doing just fine; I'm also able to make decisions for myself instead of being dependent on him to make them for me. Took me only a week or under to get over him because I was just so over his behavior from over the years. And the scary part is that had our friendship not ended, I would have never noticed just how toxic he was and that he even had narcissistic tendencies. God literally had to remove him from my life before I could see the true extent of the toxicity of that friendship I was in. That friend cutting me off for no good reason is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Praise God for saving me from that virulent friendship!

*Never heard of pink flags. I learned something knew today.*

The fact that there’s so many of us women speaking on the SAME DIFFERENT 🚩’s gives me the impression that theres a significant percentage of men not doing their job in healing & proudly hurting others in the process. Theres WAY too many men blaming others for their problems. Too many of them with their pride/ego veiling them from those who may have truly loved them or tried to guide them within themselves to release them shackles that they continue to so blindly allow to hold them back. Too many of them not recognizing the agenda against them making us (women) look like the obstacles crossing their path .... im honestly tired 🤦🏾‍♀️ Im wishing all of you - the like-minded women im so very blessed to associate myself with - a continued path in higher consciousness, a whole lotta love from within and without, the light to guide you through and the peace to hold your hand while embarking on the journey along side you 💯💜🌺🍃🍄🙌🏽✍🏾✨🥰🤗