I'm no expert, rather a client of psychotherapy. From what I've learnt, I found that validating feelings is usually a very solid start. The fact that we misunderstand their intentions and berate them only worsens the undesired behaviour and potentially develop other mental health illness on top of it.

Hoarding is very frustrating, I am currently taking a break after helping clean out a hoarder for the second time. It's taken 6 months to get rid of about 1/3 of the hoard. About 8 van loads of stuff he would allow to go. The last time was 7 years ago, and it took 2 years to clean most of it, but it never got to a normal house. And he rehoarded it completely. Not even any path. No place to cook, or do laundry. No heat, broken pipes. Just piles everywhere. Mice, hornets nests, filth. He wasted all his money, and the roof was leaking. So mold. I have to wear a mask and gloves, and even then I mostly sit outside. There really is no place to sit inside. Very bad. The house is now damaged. Nobody in his family will go near the place, nobody else will help. I only helped at the point I was afraid he would die in there. I thought getting a storage unit would help make some room in his house, but he just filled it up and then refilled up the house. And he doesn't use anything in it. He's very frustrated and unhappy. But very content to continue hoarding. He doesn't connect hoarding with anything bad in his life. He blames everything and everyone else but that. The hoarding is how he copes with everything. Right now I am just trying to make it fire safe. Unblock the doors and windows, make a path, and fix broken appliances, fix leaks and clean up mold, put screens on the windows to keep the hornets out, and remove spoiled food, recycling, and garbage to reduce the rodents. The piles are put in boxes on shelves so they don't fall on him. I've helped two other hoarders. They can only go so far. It's much better for them, and for one it saved her house from being condemned. But they all still hoard. We need more research and better treatments, and more kinds of help. Earlier intervention before the habits become completely entrenched in their personality. And more consistent follow up after clean outs.

@marciasloan534

3 жыл бұрын

YOU ARE AMAZING

We sought help for my sister in law but were told people are allowed to live as they chose and without her consent they couldn't do anything. My sister in law refused to acknowledge she needed help. She died in her home surrounded by filth. It's so tragic.

I was married to one. It was horrible. I hope someone finds out what causes it and how to cure it.

@ADreamBee4618

7 жыл бұрын

Only4Russian I live with a hoarder, and hoarding can be so frustrating to deal with, but hoarding is due to them hoarding difficult or traumatic MENTAL experiences, and hoarding is a PHYSICAL manifestation of that. When we throw things away, they get so upset because they have not finished processing or given their memories a proper goodbye.

@j12torts

6 жыл бұрын

My auntie is a hoarder and it is starting to strain my relationship with her. I refuse to talk to her about anything now, especially when she say i will clean my room but continue to buy stuff. I hate this mental illness. Someone find a cure for it please!

@lutheranchic122

4 жыл бұрын

Only4Russian what did you do to fix it?

@lutheranchic122

4 жыл бұрын

It's not impossible to cure.

@lutheranchic122

4 жыл бұрын

It is curable.

I've never had much luck getting thru to my mom. The problem continues to progress to a severe stage.

@tonifonseca9178

9 ай бұрын

My mom has had the problem her whole life .. her house was just cleaned out again after her falling in it and being stuck on floor for 2 days.. ave within 2 mos seeing the same exact pattern as is always the case.. and yes she's narcissistic also and can do whatever she wants to her house ..but let's important things go unfixed cuz it interferes with her hoarding or no one can get to her spaces to fix anything..just as traumatized as she gets when we have to clean up after her, is how I feel in her house ... trauma and anxiety EVEN when it's clean...because it just makes room for more stuff 🤬🤬

When Oprah Winfrey had the show on hoarding, my house phone started ringing. This is my husband and we had no idea what it was. But I knew trash was more important than my kids or myself. 37 years later I try to keep the living spaces in the house free of his stuff. Basement, office in the house, two car garage, over the garage, two storage units full (over $300 a month for 37 years). He is in his own bedroom now floor to window full. Barely a path to his bed. 😢

@bpxl53yewz29

Жыл бұрын

He needs counseling. It’s related to OCD and anxiety.

I think early intervention or help is needed. In Australia people on a pension can get subsidised cleaning which establishes a contact for the hoarder and help before things become overwhelming.

@robinlillian9471

3 жыл бұрын

America is a very cruel place. People here want to punish hoarders instead of help them. Social services for any problem are very hard to get, and often counterproductive, because they focus on punitive "solutions", too.

My ex wife was and still is a hoarder . I got so depressed that I abused my Ritalin as a escape. Now I can have company over and I feel free. I still love her but she loves her stuff more than me ! I was not important enough to her as she would rather have her stuff. It’s really sad for everyone.

@robinlillian9471

3 жыл бұрын

No. You love an empty apartment more than you ever did your ex-wife. You cared more about the stuff she collected than about her. It cuts both ways. YOU are the only one responsible for your addiction to Ritalin.

@marcrichard7251

3 жыл бұрын

@@robinlillian9471 Fuck you Robin! You don’t know me and what I went thru! Don’t tell me what I love and don’t love! You don’t know shit! MYOB!

@Davidg1t1

Жыл бұрын

@@robinlillian9471 if one is not willing to accept there is a problem with their thinking and they refuse to get help or help themselves then …what? Are you are hoarder by chance? You seem bitter and angry.

@jamesbirkbeck

3 ай бұрын

I can totally relate to this.

@marcrichard7251

3 ай бұрын

@@Davidg1t1 That’s a good point.

My father is a hoarder ....I tried to convince him but he just started hitting me mercilessly with a broom...I can't find any help because he won't agree to go to a therapy

@mildredpierce4506

3 жыл бұрын

A lot of people who need therapy don't think they do and associate it with only certain cultures or races. Yes there are some races who don't believe anyone of their race should be seeing a therapist. Some don't follow the tradition and see a therapist but there may be a stigma attached to it in their family.

@tonifonseca9178

9 ай бұрын

My mom refuses to go to therapy

I’m making this comment 12 years after this video. Unfortunately there are hardly any resources available that are not punitive. Looking for a friend in San Diego ( which is not a small city with over a million inhabitants) and the only thing there is is a small program through the VA -for veterans ONLY! - that lost its funding during the pandemic! If the health department comes in, the person gets the impossible task to clean up in a short timespan, face a fine or eviction! I even reached out to the Maryland program for a telehealth visit or participation in the online support groups. But that’s not funded for people who are from out of state.

@bpxl53yewz29

Жыл бұрын

It’s related to OCD and anxiety. Seek out a counselor/ therapist to help with the root of the problem.

If you’re married to them, divorce then. It’s the most liberating feeling. You are worth more than their stuff and they don’t or can’t see that. So do not waste your life on them.

@robinlillian9471

3 жыл бұрын

Your former spouse is better off without you. You are the one who didn't care about their problems, so your company really isn't worth all that much. Enjoy your empty home alone. Hopefully no one will be stupid enough to be involved with an uncaring person like you again.

@trishayamada807

3 жыл бұрын

@@robinlillian9471 enablers are the worst. Feel free to live in a shithole and be a happy pig.

@Gave-rf1hr

2 жыл бұрын

@@robinlillian9471 loooool what a fool

But what do you do when the person has already identified that they have a problem, have attended hoarding support groups for many years, and have still not stopped their hoarding? What's next?

My moms house was a complete disaster from head to toe. She had 20 candles on every table and so much more Theres was literally no rooms in her 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house. She had 1 lane to walk the hole house. You couldn't spread out your arms 99% of the time because it woild knock stuff down.. i lived there till 24 with my wife now. My mom would come home and complain about a dish in the sink or the carpet needing swept, meanwhile theres stuff piled to the ceiling and 20 candles on each table. There was literally no counter or table top available to eat or set a drink down. But when id say something about it her immediate response was "well yeahh ill clean this house when u clean ur room and start doing the laundry".... And i never understand why because i literally always kept our room clean and my laundry was always done and out of the wash before she got home... After years i noticed that that's how a hoarder mind works and after talking to my dad about it. He was like "yeah man thats why i left" ... And then grown up me was like ... Damn "felt"

Its HORRIBLE, and there is no helping them. Dead end.

@josephineleon8550

5 жыл бұрын

msbutterfly714 i know,it's heartbreaking....😟

@janemorrow6672

5 жыл бұрын

Not true thankfully. I have been helped to overcome my hoarding

@lutheranchic122

4 жыл бұрын

Jane Morrow I am in a relationship with a hoarder and he is now seeking treatment. Definitely not impossible, but a difficult task that requires a tremendous amount of patience and unconditional love

@lutheranchic122

4 жыл бұрын

@@janemorrow6672 So there is hope for my boyfriend and his hoarding issue?

@janemorrow6672

4 жыл бұрын

Jeanine Hoffas yes there certainly is. Randy’s workbook called Buried in Treasures is fantastic and I have been helped by a treatment called EMDR Eye movement desensitisation reprocessing that is incredibly simple and powerful and is used to treat trauma.

Here’s a link to Randy Frost and David Tolin’s book www.booktopia.com.au/buried-in-treasures-david-tolin/book/9780199329250.html

There's diferent types of hoarder.Some just collect stuff but others just can't clean up the house and burry themselves in Trash to a point they give up. It's as if they can't SEE a clean or empty spot, they just go and fill it with bags, boxes of useless things. In some cases they even go recollect from the garbage when u throw theirs or even your own useless objects away. I think in some cases they stress and are lazy to clean their house so they keep up hoarding or maybe they have nothing to do and that's an excuse to others pretending they are so overwhelmed. I know a Lady that does nothing all day and her house is a mess and She just goes every single day: oh i've been cleaning since 7 in the morning. I just thing in this case She is just lying to herself and trying to fool others to justify her uselessness

I would never understand a hoarder's frame of mind. I really HOPE to see where they are coming from. It's super frustrating, but this has taught me to be not materialistic and give generously.

I am a hoarder,wish I could change somehow,so that my mom would not be stressed with the way I make the home look like :( seeing these comments here,I'm wondering if it's the reason she does not discuss with me her problems anymore,:( I wonder how she sees me,I love her so much,but I give her problem,and maybe that's why I have no life whatsoever :'''''(

@CodyPowellMusic

5 жыл бұрын

Hoarding is treated with Cognitive behavioral therapy, and exposure- and response prevention. Look into it friend.

@janemorrow6672

5 жыл бұрын

Yes you can recover, I have and life is completely different for me now. Long journey but worthwhile.

@sunkat76

3 жыл бұрын

You can do this but it has to be your next move.

@TheLamba444

2 жыл бұрын

Praying you have found help

@Anna133199

Жыл бұрын

How's the hoarding going?

I have a dear friend who is getting kicked out of restaurant(s) etc due to her smell. I am sure she is picking up animal odors and she may not smell it but others do. She is getting negative reactions when out in public. She complains to me. I think she needs to be more sanitary. People are telling her she smells. Some are nice and others are mean about it. She thinks people are against her. She is lashing out at me as if I am the enemy. I am handling it gently and she is putting words in my mouth as I n vet called her a liar etc. I suggested she get an objective opinion maybe poll 10 people. I think she knows on some level that she smells like pet odor.

@plauditecives

3 жыл бұрын

What does that have to do with hoarding? Do you mean she is hoarding pets?

@cathygoltsoff9615

3 жыл бұрын

plauditecives Yes. Her animals have taken over her home. I think if she is focusing her attention on her pets then she will not have to deal with other aspects of her life such as relationships, work, finances, health. Her critters need immediate attention. She has been told in the past to limit the amount the amount of pets she has. She can not or will not limit her amount of animals.

@michellefarris3961

2 жыл бұрын

Please call animal control. The animals suffer so badly.

how you "attack" the person makes a huge difference....

@robinlillian9471

3 жыл бұрын

Here's a hint: When you attack people, they know that you want to hurt them.

Has hypnotism ever been tried? It worked for a friend who wanted to stop smoking.

Another drain on the system because of people's choices.

@janemorrow6672

4 жыл бұрын

It’s not a choice and it is treatable.

@ventisale1

4 жыл бұрын

Shiryon your comment reflects a lack of knowledge, of awareness, compassion and empathy.

@plauditecives

3 жыл бұрын

@@ventisale1 Well said! Such ignorance.

All hoarder’s should be locked up with only basic needs until rehabilitation is successful, this a glutinous behavior that is caused by enabling.

@Anna133199

Жыл бұрын

Woah. No. What a mean, judgemental comment! It's not out of gluttony that people hoard. It's deep psychological pain, often brought on by significant loss. Or at least, that's one of many factors. People often don't have much control in their life with other things. To lock them up would mean even less control. They need therapy. The accountability will come with therapy.

@kg6801

Жыл бұрын

Nobody special Mental illness and things that a person can have a genetic predisposition to is a crime now? Do you realise people can also have this same problem because of stroke, dementia, brain injury, depression, schizophrenia and other issues beyond their control? The use of locked up, gluttonous, and enabling, just shows how ignorant you are of how it actually works. The icing on that cake is possibly "all hoarders", because to claim all hoarders are the same is pure nonsense. So everyone with OCD or epilepsy or phobias etc should just be locked up for inconveniencing others until they choose to behave themselves properly too, because sometimes some can suppress it so it must just be a choice, right? Treatment can be successful, bullying won't be. There's a vast distance between enabling, addressing the issue effectively, and bullying and shaming people into action; not bullying is not enabling, treatment is not enabling. If bullying and shaming actually worked, very few people would have this problem. Among other things including treating what other issues are commonly co-morbid with hoarding disorder, someone with these tendencies needs to be shown how to rewire the thinking and responses to urges to acquire or keep things, that requires working through it with their own stuff with someone who understands the issue, they have to repeatedly go through that processing to literally rewire the way neural connections work in their brain, it's not like just choosing to flip a switch and suddenly be able to behave differently; being locked up and not exposed to their normal environment to learn this is a long way from addressing this effectively, not to mention all the other reasons this would be ineffective and pointless. Just as simply swooping in and throwing all of their stuff out doesn't teach skills to address the behaviour and only worsens things and compounds and perpetuates the problem. If you're looking at videos by people who've been researching this and working with people for decades, maybe you could look into and listen to what they're saying and you'll find the information is actually accurate and helpful, rather than the ignorance you're falling into, which sounds like hasn't been working out too well for you. If you know so little about the subject that you actually think it's simply a choice based on gluttony and enabling and to make the short-sighted comment you made, you're not really in much of a position to make comments about how it should be dealt with.

@tonifonseca9178

9 ай бұрын

​​@@Anna133199they don't want help, and glutinous is how it feels to me too! If a single person fills 2 refrigerators and repetitively buys the same food items again and again and ultimately has to throw it all out because can't use it before it's expired.. what else do you call it?? My mom was born this way, and it's the most frustrating thing to me