Good perspectives! Thanks, Delphine. Men should pursue women, but we're not helpless!

@delphinediscusses

11 күн бұрын

Exactly that! I'm trying to learn this myself too ;) Thanks for watching!

I think taking up ballroom classes gives you the perfect opportunity to practice these hints: 1. Body Language & eye contact 2. Physical Proximity 3. Show interest. For example you'll have ample opportunity to invite him to the pub after class. You already have a shared interest in dancing so you'll have plenty to talk about. 4. Consistent communication. Consistently do number 3, amongst other things. If he hasn't asked you out by the end of the dance course then it's your sign to move on. 5. Drop hints. Plenty of verbal/non-verbal hints can be dropped whilst dancing. But you can't learn that from reading a youtube comment, you'll have to come to class to find out! To answer when do women like to be approached: Women who dance like to get asked out either to or at a ball. There's often a ball at the end of the dance course. 6. Give him space to be chivalrous. Get him to walk you home/to the station after class. If a woman is not dropping hints then I have high confidence that she isn't interested in me romantically. There is nothing to be gained by asking her out if I already know she's going to say no. I can see where the last comment is coming from but the attitude "social hints don't matter" is a recipe for creepy behaviour. Creepy behaviour is unattractive, therefore the ability to "read the room" is a desirable quality in a partner. Dropping hints is a way to test a man's social intelligence whilst still giving him the opportunity to be brave in asking you out. Summary: I can see she's dropping hints but I don't ask her out => That's cowardice. She's not hinting so I don't ask her out => That's not cowardice, that's prudence. In ballroom dancing, men do all the leading. But it still "takes two to tango". Dropping hints doesn't inhibit the man's ability to lead or pursue you, it helps him.

@delphinediscusses

3 ай бұрын

I absolutely love this analogy, and you're right that this kind of setting is perfect for both parties to signal interest to each other. I also like your take on the importance of learning social cues to not end up in an uncomfortable situation. My question for you is if you can see a woman dropping hints, but you're not interested, is it enough to just not reciprocate? Is that the best way to close the loop (so to speak) while still respecting and reverencing the other? Or do you think further clarity is needed?

@oldbristolian5641

3 ай бұрын

@@delphinediscusses In the past I've not reciprocated and after it kept going on for a while I politely confronted them about it. But I would turn that question back to you - what would you like us men to do in that situation?

@delphinediscusses

3 ай бұрын

@@oldbristolian5641 Great question. I really believe that men are loved through respect and women through affection and tenderness - so I think a man ought to always honour a woman, and a woman should always respect a man, even if during quote on quote "rejection." I'd repackage rejection as redirection, and I think it's important to be clear but not to embarrass or humiliate a woman, so I'd advise a man to try to do this implicitly as women are very intuitive and should get the message! For a woman, I believe an explicit "no" to a man can be the best, while acknowledging his courage to ask and put himself out there. Also, complimenting what was good about the ask, as it's a great learning for next time! What do you think?

Some good ideas. I just stumbled onto your channel. I also appreciate that some of these comments are ones you can use when you already know the person but they don't seem to be getting any hints.

@delphinediscusses

Ай бұрын

Absolutely. I think a lot of us have lost some of these more natural social cues, especially "in real life" with the advent of digital communication so it was great to crowdsource these ideas!

From my current understanding, lots of women do not make themselves approachable enough. Their facial expressions look, well.. not friendly. Also good communities like a gym, they’ll always have their headphones in. In general, if women could just keep at it in making themselves more approachable/inviting then it would help.

@delphinediscusses

5 ай бұрын

I totally agree! A friend of mine's parents met at a bus stop. I can't imagine that happening as easily today since people are so preoccupied with their phones or what they're listening to. It certainly doesn't make us as approachable - I think having a "resting joyful face" is the way forward.

@joaquin67

5 ай бұрын

@@delphinediscusses wow, that’s actually a really good term I’ve never heard of before! Definitely makes for a good video idea and title, “resting joyful face” :) Sometimes I wonder if the pandemic made this all worse with wearing masks for so long. I know that I had to remember to tell myself to move my face muscles more to express a more joyful attitude when talking to cashiers, for example. I know in Japan they were hosting classes for this very thing

What an insightful video! I wish men nowadays would pursue women more, but it’s equally as important that we guide them in the right direction

@delphinediscusses

5 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for the positive feedback! I absolutely agree, there are certainly aspects we can do as women to help encourage more chivalry and confidence from men. There's a brilliant quote from Fulton Sheen on this: 'When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her.' Which is also very encouraging to know that when we grow in virtue as women, we not only change ourselves, but those around us. Anything else you'd like me to ask the guys? It's quite fascinating to hear their thoughts!

@TheAsvarduilProject

18 күн бұрын

Here's the thing: As men or at least AMAB folks, we do constantly hear that we inspire fear by proximity, not necessarily because all men are bad, but because you don't know if we're bad. It's literally better for all concerned if women initiate romantic encounters and men don't. Between #metoo and this new "man or bear" question, it's clear that even for people like me with no criminal record who hold a good job, that my virtues aren't good enough, and they may not be enough to break through androphobia. So, while I am open to getting to know the women in my life, I will not EVER initiate. One last thing: hint language like dropping a handkerchief will keep you single. Men are required to be clear, direct communicators. Secret language does not earn men's respect. Why do you need to hide attraction of us from us?

You are always going to have an exception to the rule like the last comment you shared. As you can see, how the majority of how most men commented is what I will follow. We know that society has changed a great deal since the Victorian age because of how a woman's identity and role has changed in today's society. Therefore, we have to make certain adjustments in order to stay current with these changes.

@delphinediscusses

Ай бұрын

Absolutely, there's no one-size-fits-all - and it's always going to be a balance trying to adjust to modern times while upholding traditional values. Definitely something I'm still learning!

As much easier as I think it would make dating, I don't think there is a specific set of rules for dating or initiating right now! I think we are in a weird shift in society that we're having to navigate, such as population, convenience (dating apps should make things more convenient but I feel they really complicate things as there are so many options, people often aren't who they say they are, or people just want to text all day instead of actually meeting - which it's also like, as a woman should I be asking men out on dating sites? It really seems the switches have completely flipped from previous dating norms), and it just generally being a great big world with lots of people. I think women totally can, and have succeeded, pursuing men, but I think it is harder for us because of social norms. Gathering from the feedback you got, I say go for it and make the move if you like someone! Generally I think that romantic partnerships should flow organically. I do disagree with what the last guy says - I don't believe that every man who is interested in you would be so bold to make a move because they're just as afraid of rejection as anyone else and I don't think that differs with gender. I think back in all my years of having attraction to people and not acting on it out of fear of rejection - if you like someone, life is short, see if you're compatible and if it works if you're brave enough and can handle the fact you may be rejected.

@delphinediscusses

5 ай бұрын

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts Kristin! I completely agree that we are in an unprecedented time when it comes to dating... It's fascinating to look at the changes since the sexual revolution and even before that, since the invention of cars! Before cars, men would "court" women in the community of their homes so they'd be around family at all times. I think there is certainly something in just being "organic" and a lot of that is removed by online dating because you can't see each other's body language in person.

@joaquin67

5 ай бұрын

I call this girl game. Basically I think you can do whatever it takes to make yourself inviting to the guy. Proximity, timing of leaving a gym for example, asking for help in anything is a big one, etc. I just think it’s in our nature to pursue and be pursued. Men feel like they earned it and women feel like they were won over. It’s a beautiful dynamic. For example at the gym, I’ve had girls come near me but they have their headphones one which is extremely hard to overcome. I don’t ever wear my headphones for that very reason. Just a thought and good luck :)

@delphinediscusses

5 ай бұрын

@@joaquin67 This came up a lot! Giving men opportunities to serve and solve problems. I think in this post-digital world, it's so important to still have potential for natural interactions through, as you say, proximity etc.