It can be caused by neglect. If you were kept isolated and not taught how to make friends or fend for yourself in the world, that could lead to a lot of avoidant and dependent traits.

@brunettemouse3265

4 жыл бұрын

I think for me, it was because whenever I did try to be independent, I was apparently always doing things wrong so I learned that I couldn’t do anything properly

I was quite isolated as a child, with a narcissistic father and a nurturing mother who almost did everything for me, I think out of guilt for how my dad treated me, and maybe because she lost her mom at a young age and didn't want me to have to do things on my own like she did. Now, I have a pretty consistent pattern of having one extremely close and usually somewhat codependent friendship or romantic relationship, but feeling extremely anxious or uncomfortable talking to anyone else for an extended period of time, even if they used to be the one person I was closest with. I never forget those people and carry a huge amount of guilt at the thought of them possibly thinking I don't care about them anymore, but the fear of them judging me or criticizing me overwhelms me to the point of almost never reaching out. I also tend to nurture and care for people without healthy boundaries, and suppress my own emotions for fear of invalidation and not wanting to be a burden or scare them away. the first part seems to mirror how my mom was, and the second half seems to correlate with a fear of the treatment I received from my dad (emotional neglect/invalidation, emotional manipulation, guilting) or almost expecting people to treat me the same way. Now I've been working with my therapist, learning what healthy boundaries are since I was never taught, and learning to speak up for myself instead of suppressing everything. And pushing myself with other things related to AvPD to try and get out into the world and live a fairly functional life

“...It makes sense that somebody could have symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder, and then look for individuals to depend on to try to escape concerns about being left alone... worries about not being taken care of.” My god, it’s like you took the thoughts out of my soul.

An avoidant was most likely an emotionally neglected child thus not used to being care for and loved. As I become more confortable expressing my needs I can create more nurturing relationships and recognise fears in others who were also ignored as kids. Dr Grande your videos are bomb! I learn so much thank you for your thought provoking content.🌝👍

I tend to think these types, and most personality disorders, are linked to childhood and the way someone was raised. This being especially true for avoidant and dependant types. I honestly think that both disorders stem from having controlling/ manipulative parents.

@tuppientuppi8356

5 жыл бұрын

Or being abandoned by birth mother repeatedly and regularly for the first 9 years of life, just to be placed in a crazy family afterwards... Neglect plays a significant role too, not just control and manipulation

@rosa9865

5 жыл бұрын

What about adoption?

@mykidsaresupercute

5 жыл бұрын

It's not accurate or appropriate to always blame the parent. There are people with wonderful parents who turn out to have personality disorders. You're ignoring the role of genetics and social influence (like school). In fact, research has shown that the biggest contributor or Avoidant PD is peer rejection, so school. There is also biological hypersensitivity.

@wangking4259

4 жыл бұрын

As someone who is highly anxious and was raised by literal diagnosed narcissists, I can attest to this statement. Sometimes the cause of a personality disorder is genetics, but I also don’t see many people with genetic physical disabilities, so I don’t see why there should be such a high rate of people with genetic mental disabilities either. If I had to pick I’d rather mistakenly blame the parents, rather than victim-blame survivors of child abuse for their problems.

I think I have avoidance and yes I came from horrendous neglect emotionally and rejection....extreme trauma and abuse from the age of 11.My avoiding issues are getting worse at the age at 47...ive had therapy and no one helps me .so I've finally worked it out on my own. It all makes sense now.

@haveyoumetted1000

5 жыл бұрын

That is really awesome! You are very strong for trying and succeeding.

@iptiskaptis3046

4 жыл бұрын

Did the therapy work? And did you use antidepressants ? How about antidepressants

@kirstinstrand6292

4 жыл бұрын

@@iptiskaptis3046 before using antidepressants, try 5-HTP. One in morning and one before bedtime. It's an over the counter Neurotransmitter that I like much more than antidepressants. I use the NOW brand. 100 mg. Do your own research.

One way of looking at this for people that have both avpd and dpd is that it matches the disorganised attachment style. In disorganised attachment we have conflicted feelings about desperately wanting affection, but also being scared to get close in case we’re rejected. I think it could possibly stem from that

People with apd are definitely reluctant to go to a therapist because it becomes all about if the therapist will like them or not. The stress of that will keep them home.

I've been diagnosed as suffering from social phobia, but my symptoms are consistent with avoidant personality disorder.

Have experienced these. Best way out was/continues to be support groups, recovery programs, volunteering, and personal achievement.

I can relate to both of these types from different times of my life. I never expected to live alone, forever. I can change this. I have some ideas that I could and hope to implement. It will take discipline and planning.

You could almost view DPD being like a coping mechanism for AvPD...

I believe this was the first video I've ever seen from your channel. I clicked on the video because I thought to myself that that sounds like me. And it did. But I listened to the end and it makes me feel better to know that I can, of sorts, "grow out of it". So thank you for that. I'll bring this up with my therapist.

I have not had any measure of meaningful progress with my mental health in my years of treatment in the mental health system. They have NEVER employed a systematic method for diagnosis. They claim a scientific basis but do not employ any scientific method whatsoever. They always say I have chronic depression and some form of anxiety. A psychiatrist speaks to me for maybe 15 minutes, rubber stamps anxiety/depression, and is only interested in prescription medications. Therapists are more interested in helping. However, talking with a therapist has limited benifit. Thank you for creating this series explaining the diagnostic criteria for each mental health disorder in the dsm. My parents were never married and separated when I was five. My alcoholic mother was my primary caregiver and my emotional needs were never met as both parents expected me to take care of myself from an early age. I played too much Nintendo. I never had courage to speak with girls. I had absolutely no guidance or supervision. I developed maladaptive behavior patterns durring adolescence, including insecurities, falling grades, smoking pot, getting in fights. I was drinking alcoholicly and getting arrested for underage drinking at the end of high school. As soon as high school ended, I was getting arrested as an adult. I quickly learned that the arresting officer misrepresented events and the legal system is only interested in punishment. I tried to go to college. My grades improved. However, when I was 20 years old, there was a mistake with my student aid and I went to my father to ask for enough money so I could continue. Without saying a word, he punched me in my face and we got in a got in a fight. He had a heart attack and I dropped out of school. We didn't speak for seven years and, 15 years later, he rationalizes punching me in my face due to my unacceptable attitude. A lot has happened since those days. However, the symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder seem persistent. Next week I will be sentenced for a 3rd dui and will either get 3 moths of jail or a court ordered long-term rehab. Of course, I show signs of depression and anxiety! My attitude is extremely negative. I formed a belief system about myself and how the world works that leaves very little room for me to function in society. Although it is supposed to remain unchangeable, I really need to find a way to adapt to the world because isolation and depression is not working. It doesn't matter what the label is; I need to find a way to earn money to survive. I need to find a way to develop meaningful relationships so I'm not lonely. I need to find a way to face my problems on a daily basis so I'm not overwhelmed and resort to isolation or alcoholism.

@euripides2134

4 жыл бұрын

Sir, the secret to find is to stop searching. I have very similar troubles, and don't know if you'll ever read this; but the bottom line is- you're fucked. Nothing in your life means anything. SOOOOO on the plus side the only way to go is up.

@kirstinstrand6292

4 жыл бұрын

This is very sad to read. I can imagine such a life, as I've been working on my life, forever, once taking a 10 year break to develop a career. Life is hard for people like us. You sound bright, articulate and self aware. Have you tried being a analysand for a Psychoanalyst in traning? Most major cities have a Psychoanalytic Institute where you can be screened as a possible candidate...on a sliding fee basis, if accepted. I hope you read this.

@williamcotten7714

4 жыл бұрын

If you're still receiving services at your mental health clinic i suggest asking about peer support services. Peer support is a good source for empathy and exploring coping mechanisms that could work for you. I reccomend peer support for anyone who feels that they're not connecting with their therapists or psychiatrists.

i am probably the poster child for all the cluster c's

@SarcasticSean

5 жыл бұрын

and your initial is a cluster of c's. you are not alown.

I have a constant internal dialogue along with these issues.

At least there's a glimmer of hope in the last thing you said. I cannot afford and have difficulty seeking treatment but perhaps it will improve with age. Thank you for these videos.

Thanks for another clarifying description - very interesting and helpful

@DrGrande

5 жыл бұрын

You're welcome!

I was in group therapy with both avoidant and dependent, yeah they are incredibly similar so thank you for this info :)

This video is quite enlightening. I always thought avoidant and dependent personality disorders were just the opposite. Thank you for the detailed explanation, Dr. Grande.❤

My girlfriend displays both avoidant and dependent personality disorders. I want to help her, but idk how. She's been in therapy for over a year, but she hasn't shown any improvement. I've asked her what her and her therapist talk about (letting her know she doesn't need to talk to me about it if she doesn't feel comfortable) and she told me she hasn't really opened up to her therapist about what's troubling her. She seems to think she has bpd, but I don't think that's it. Is there anything I can do to help? It's really becoming a burden in our relationship for me to make all the decisions and constantly be the one in control, while also being unable to take her to parties or around my friends because she can't fend for herself socially. We've been together for almost 3 years and I deeply care for her, but I'm feeling held back in my own life. She doesn't have a job, she doesn't have friends, she never takes initiative, and all this begins to stack up on my plate to pay for everything, drive everywhere, make all the decisions, plan things with only my friends, only participate in my hobbies... I just don't know what to do anymore.

😩 I honestly think I found what’s wrong with me. Now what?! 😭 This avoidant thing sounds like me!

@timmyturner8773

4 жыл бұрын

get treatment

I think I'm more Avoidant, although when younger if I found someone I could connect with, I seen them in a motherly role, a motherly role I never had at home

I find it strange that these are considered separate. To me, I think I have traits of both (literally EVERY AVPD diagnoses criteria) but I've tracked these feelings (before I knew the name) since I was a kid. I'm 31 now. I am avoidant with everyone except my wife, who I now depend on. But when I was single, I was just single. I wasn't 'acting dependent'. I'd mostly just want to be alone. But now that I've tasted what unconditional love feels like, I feel like I'd be devastated without it, which is apparently dependent. These cluster C distinctions make very little sense to me. I kind of feel like we're going to advance our understanding and constructs of these soon. It doesn't seem like they really match up with most of the data in the world I've seen, personally. (Including research papers and professional's opinions, along with anecdotes.)

Great!

I heard theChris Watts was diagnosed with dependent personality at Dodge. What do you think? It covers a lot, but I don't think it fully covers the range of behaviours he has confessed to, and what we observe in videos. He also does not express anxiety, instead he displays deep deception, manipulative and controlling behaviour, imo.. He is clearly has passive avoidant behaviours and he was trained to be very complient. But there is also evidence of psychopathy, strong evidence.

@Phoenix333Rising

4 жыл бұрын

I don't know who you're talking about, but could be maybe vulnerable narcissim

Is it possible I have both? Lol

@DrGrande

5 жыл бұрын

It is technically possible to have both. That is, Avoidant and Dependent can be comorbid.

@laura987123

5 жыл бұрын

I have both with avoidant being dominant and I have a couple OCPD traits as well but not enough to fit into that category as well.

I was wondering, can adoption be a cause for both avpd and dpd?

@panictowel2695

5 жыл бұрын

I was adopted after being in a neglectful situation for the 1st year of my life.

Is avoidance a form of splitting?

@brunettemouse3265

4 жыл бұрын

Gerrie Klijzing There may be splitting involved yes. Disorganised attachment causes splitting and people with avpd have disorganised attachment x

I think my friend may have both, would you say someone with dependent disorder doesn't value a relationship unless they are getting help from them or favors done? Even if unconsciously

@orange-rv9ek

7 ай бұрын

It's possible. I am too and they said it's really common. They called it a dependent-avoidant personality disorder or Cluster C Mixed Personality Disorder.

What is the difference if you are diagnosed with both....

seeking treatment with therapist was mostly the 150 dollars an hour bill...I liked the therapy....

Also the increase of unchecked crime makes public avoidance necessary and I think its difficult to distinguish which is which. If crime is considered a good thing by arch enemy type behaviors in your immediate community it may make therapy more difficulty.

Can you get on disability with a professional diagnosis of something like AvPD or SAD? Is it recognized these days

@brunettemouse3265

4 жыл бұрын

greeneking77 I’ve heard that some people have so there is some hope. I’m hoping to do the same thing one day x

Research suggests that over time we get to improve Yaaay🎉🎉🎉😂

Is IT possible to be diagnosed with both of these by just taking a test that took 25minutes? I just find IT rather fast since theres no background story at all.. i have both of these, apparently..

@M_K_M_K_M_K

4 жыл бұрын

No. Go to a psychiatrist....

@kingsloth4106

4 жыл бұрын

Possibly, but you should go to a psychiatrist for verification. Self-diagnosis and online tests aren’t nearly as reliable as an analysis by a doctor.

Comment 40: 12,939 views with 395 likes and 5 dislikes..

Gets better when ur older bcuz u stop giving a f##k....

@hugomikaelsson4055

5 жыл бұрын

What gets better?

💜💫✨🤘

What's this have to do with relationships. If you don't wanna struggle,avoid toxic people and definitely don't let yourself become dependant on them. Being alone is not necessarily painful or depressing as long as you can maintain healthy platonic relationships and avoid letting ypur imagination and ego run amok in your life.And as you get older read Seneca.

What is dependence versus I'm singlish and trying to make some new friends because I don't have a lot of relationships after becoming disabled, and the big city is a lonely place? This topic of dependent personality disorder is upsetting from wondering then, what is normal? Do people really not worry or care about what might happen?! Do they really try to befriend people with no ulterior motives like even friendship whatsoever? Well I am sure I have this farking disorder (DPD) one b/c I'm feeling farking sassy in response, and just so frustrated at the nature of it- It really gets you where you are weak. It's like having a food addiction or sex addiction, something you have to learn to do and take care of without harm to yourself or another. At least with nicotine or alcohol, one can cease use entirely. Not the same with basic wanting to connect with other humsns. Or is it this quality of my languaging that points to the disorder?? I admit to being somewhat gothic in my head and a bit airy fairy as far as just hoping I'll make a new IRL friend one of these days thru facebook lol... Sorry! Sigh. My issues with borderline symptoms already make want to just completely retire from society sometimes. This DPD thing is just HUGEST BUMMER. I don't think I can do much as far as relationships go. I have a few. I do try. I'm sad now. I will stay engaged with psychology and self learning and trying to overcome all this but it super duper is unfair when it's the font of abuse by adults upon children. Ugh.